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DREAMER’S GAZE

COLE SALADINO

A DREAMER’S GAZE

Photos, Prose, and Poems by Cole Saladino

Tisch School of the ArtsP & I Thesis Exhibition

Show Two 2013

The boy came home from school on a day that blended with all the rest. He heard a voice of expected comfort call his name. However today the voice boomed, loaded with a heavy sense of concern and panic. He rushed towards his bedroom, little bare feet nearly sliding on icy tile floor. Inside, the boy’s mother stood with a somber look upon her face. “What is this”, she asked trembling, holding back both screams and her tears. It felt as though her dreams had just fallen from a cliff, speeding towards the ground below. The boy’s world froze as he gazed upon the screen. The desires he had kept special and secret, locked inside his digital treasure chest of 1s and 0s, now lay naked, on display for all to see.

August, 26 2005

My arm wanders curiously towards his shoulderI yearn for his closeness, I fear his closenessA nervousness and subtle warmth arises asHe releases a smile only I can see.

Mind running, mind racing.This familiar figure with an alluring gaze,Babbling words and a haunting buzz,Unable to focus, zero complete thoughts.

His arm reaches behind the crowd,landing gently on my lower backmore nerves, more warmth as the caressing beginseach movement emits a wave of repressed joy

Do I care if people know?

Our cab ride the night beforeYour playful glances, My dangerous curiosityThe presence of others kept me hiddenas always before.

More movement, mind and bodyA door closes and he pulls my lips closeto his, warmth, joy, comfort, and releaseA vibrant taste of freedom

and his tongue forcing itself down my throat.Expanses of black veil my memoriesNow in the bathroom, down on my kneesPleasure clouds all previous morals

Septemeber 1, 2009

A compliment thrown to a straight boy

Now in bed together, now is the timehe needs to be sure he’ll see me againI let go, all repressed emotions explodewith a simple slur of consent

The rip of a plastic sleeve,The application of something slipperyAn initial, slow and gentle thrustHis hand muffles my loud moans of joy.

January 21, 2010

Your morning sun dispelled the night. Phantoms fled my pained figure, sparking an unexplained feeling. You brought an all-consuming light,but was anything ever there?

Now here we are, each casting one’s own shadow.Should they extend and meet, connecting in the most brilliant of ways, remains untold.

Our day once shone so bright, yet our shadows never met. Still, time’s memories never fade.

The sun slowly begins to set, our shadows standingside by side. They move in new directions, as do we.

I used to see you everyday, talking for hours with no walls in sight. We were brothers, you older, me taller and everything I was you were. We danced under our veil of ignorance as long as we could, hiding our desire beneath an itchy cotton sheet

One day the time came. I knew, as did you. We embraced for our usual goodbye and your grip tightened just a bit. I caught a whiff of your entrancing scent. Your bottom lip quivered gently,

As my eyes caught yours.

That dream I had when we first met, one of an estranged innocence,now tainted with a heavy desire. All because of that tight hug let free.

Fear gripped our mouths shut. For days we continued in our haze, but finally came the night where we both sat there in silence. We both knew it would be the last time we’d spend time together, so open and close.

Three years later.

May 9, 2011

Rolling around on that blow-up mattressthe sun rose calmly that morningfloating through the tall floor-to-ceiling windowsA silky pink light colored the room

We talked that day, about everythingall that matters, all our dreamsI opened up and let you inTo that world buried deep inside

A day later, I lay aloneGuilt took hold, betrayal of myselfI let this stranger in and fear took holdRolling around on that blow-up mattress

I refused to see you, refused to speakAlone is happiness, for now my lightI thought, but did not believeWhat had you done?

Everything locked inside, ruled by fearA spectral hand on the back of my necksteering me away from youthe man I would later call my love

Days come and goI still hide and the specters still roamBut now the power is mine to controlWith the strength of the lens, with that of memory

Rolling around on that blow-up mattress

October 9, 2012

March 14, 2013

Once lost in a dream world, I have always struggled to fully divulge myself to others and forge lasting relationships. My early attempts led to rejection from friends and family, leaving scars that kept my door shut tight. I fled back to my own dreamlike fantasies within my head, creating habits of isolation. To this day, these fantasies still haunt my everyday interactions. However, over time the scars have begun to fade and I have come to learn the hidden potential of this distance. The ghostly mystery presents a veil of romantic wonder, rightfully glorifying these simple moments of uncharacterizable and deep connection. What I once thought was distance has become truth, power, and beauty. I invite you to wander the photographic fields I present, become lost in the realms of intimate desire, and be at peace with the ghosts that plague and taunt you.