A DISCOURSE ON COHABITATION The arrival of the 21st century has seen many drastic changes in the mentality of people. Breach of socialprotocolhasbecomecommonplaceandtheargumentativehumanbrainhasevolvedenoughtokeep questioning the well established traditions. But it also gives way to a number of difficult questions. One of such questions is: Isitwisetorejectawayoflifewhichhasbeensuccessfulforcenturies,whosebenefitisalready being reaped by the elders? This question is in the context of a wide acceptance of, or so to say, recognition for cohabitation as a substitute for marriage.Live-in relationships are still a taboo in many parts of the country. Marriage, as a custom, is always givenahighrespectandanyrelationshipoutsidethewedlockislookeddownupon.Whatarethefactors which have given rise to such a trend? Why is the society so reluctant to accept this change? Is this change a welcome thing for the future of family and society or is it indeed a source of evil and adultery? Let us try to gather a solution to these inquisitive doubts. In this text, a comparison between arranged marriages and live-in relationships is made on the basis of the facts known to us as individuals, advocates of gender equality and indeed, as citizens. Marriage- An Institution InIndia,thesocietyisabitcomplicated.Thediversitywhichdividescommunitiesonthelinesof religion,caste,language,colour,genderandclass,bindsthemtogetherthroughmarriage.Weddingis considered as one of the most important events in the lifetime of a person. Its an occasion when whole of a familyanditsextendedbranchesgathertointerminglewithanother.IfyouwatchIndianmoviesorread novels based on Indian life dating back to the 90s, the most striking feature of the stories is that marriage, in most,ifnotallstories,istheidealhappyending.Weveoftencomeacrossthephrase,Andtheylived happilyeverafterwhichpertainstolovestorieswheretheprotagonistsentertheholywedlock. Asoften quoted by social observers studying India,Marriageallowsacoupletolivetogetherandpermitsitforphysical,emotionalandeconomic togetherness; but it also binds two families for generations to come. Dr. Manorama Devi (M.A. PhD) Ankit Sahu(B.Tech -Aerospace)Marriage,inIndia,isconsideredsacred.Ritesandtraditionsdictatetheweddingwhichlastsfor days, sometimes, extending over a week. In some parts of the country, the prospective couple is also allowed a decent span of courtship which helps them know each other before tying the knot. Matrimony is considered soauspiciousthathundredsofprecautionsandceremoniousproceduresarefollowedtokeepupwiththe grandeur. The expenditure on the part of both the parties tends to drill a hole in the pockets of the host. But, thatisnotamatterofconcern. Afterall,theeventwascontemplatedsincethebirthofthechildandthe monies have been gathered ever since. The importance laid over this centuries old tradition compels the orthodoxy to combat any infraction ofthenormswithaggression.Thoughtherehasbeenastarkcriticismofcertaintraditionssuchasgender bias,exploitation,lackofflexibilityintheeventsofconflict,etc.,thesocietyresistsanychangeinthe practices. Post marriage, the couple stays together, accepting each others family as ones own, more so on the part of the bride, owing to the patriarchal nature in most of Indian society.Origin of Live-in Relationships The spread of the practice of moving in dates back to the mid 1990s when American couples started movinginwithouttyingtheknot.Thelogicwasquitesimple,then.Theyintendedtosharetheeconomic burden by pooling in their income and at the same time, enjoy the company of a person.There was a huge tide of population flowing into the industrialised metropolitan cities to earn more and lead a better life. However, the formative days in these cities used to be very expensive and the income, relatively lower. House rents shot up and availability of homes had become scarce. Thats when this practice started to gain popularity and within a matter of two decades, it had outgrown the social stigma to become a trend.Timepassedandtheshortmemoryofthepublicforgotthenecessitywhichgavebirthtothe practice. It, rather became a trend- fashionable and chic!Around2002,therewasanotherwavewhichbroughtthistoIndia. Atusslewiththeparampar! and samsk!ra followed. Though there is a lot of tolerance for heterodoxy in India, there is fierce resistance for sure! Cohabitation was no exception. It took a little longer than a decade for the housing societies, even in the metro cities to rent a house to an unmarried couple. Even if they did, the cohabitants protested fiercely. The protracted hostility to such couples often led to emotional, if not physical, harassment. We will discuss the impacts in greater detail in the forthcoming sections of the article.Withthenewchaptersunfolding,thereisahugeoutrageamongtheelderlywhereastheyoung activists are struggling in favour of unmarried couples staying together. Criticisms of marriage as a compulsion Marriageisaneventofmerry-makingandgrandeur.Peoplecelebrateitasreligiouslyaspossible. But,itsjustthetipoftheiceberg. Assoonasthecoupleisdeclaredmanandwife,severalnew,formerly unknown factors come into the picture. There are innumerable expectations from the newly-weds in terms of behaviour,rituals,adaptations,adjustmentsandatrocities.Ittakessometimetofitintotheframeby adjusting ones psyche to a whole new environment. In the process, there are arguments, misunderstandings, heatedexchangeofwords,involvementofeldersandwhatnot!Attheendoftheday,everythingsettles down.But,guesswhat?Theseeventscreateadeep-rootedimpactonthememoryofthecoupleandtheir relatives and gives birth to prejudice. This is more so on the part of the bride, since she is the one who has to adjustintheplanetofin-laws. Andshehastospendtheremaininglifewiththesamesetofrules.Thisis wherethemoralconvictionofgenderequalitybecomesquestionable.Thefateofthegirlliesasthesole possessionofherhusbandandthein-laws.InIndia,apartfromtheill-fatedcustomofdowry,thereisthis patriarchy which pushes down the identity of a woman so deep that it becomes almost impossible to excavate through the impenetrable crust of orthodoxy and narrow-mindedness.The above was a picture of an average Hindu girl. But this is not a story of a particular community. Analogies are in plenty. The modern-day daughters who have seen this horrendous set of atrocities imposed ontheirmothersandotherwomeninthefamilydemandanairtobreathe. Theydon'twanttheirlifetobe buried in the formidable grave of tortures, which can be triggered by absolutely any stimulus which the in-lawsfindunsuitable.Andthisiswhenthetrustintheirfamiliesforthetaskoffindingasuitablegroom fades. They take up the responsibility on their own teenage shoulders and rebel against marriage. Its not the natureoffamilieswhichistobeblamed.Thesituationaltersbecauseofasimplereason-Whenthereare better, safer options, why to give in to fate? Butthen,arisesthissituation.InIndia,marriageisconsideredassomethingnatural. Whenpeople cross a certain age, they are expected to be married already. Unmarried people draw undue attention towards themselves as he/she stands vulnerable to criticisms based on character and since recently, sexual preference. However, more and more people have come forward to oppose these norms and rebel against them. The right to choose ones own partner irrespective of her/his background is given greater emphasis. Activists are drawn closer to the convenience of Western culture where relationships outside the wedlock arent considered taboo anymore. They argue that the compulsion to stay with a person they hardly knew, for a lifetime, isnt always a welcome affair. Especially, the fast moving lifestyle in tech-savvy urban areas disallows a peaceful family lifeasexpectedbyin-lawsandothersconcerned.Sometimes,peopledon'tgive-intoeachothersegoas none in a couple is dependent on the other. At times, career and aspirations have a more important role in the life of people.With these changing philosophies towards life, marriage becomes an inconvenient option. Moving in and out becomes a fussy legal affair and sacrifices concerning the careers become a compulsion. This is the reason the young masses have started practising cohabitation. There is no family pressure involved in such a case and the couple can go ahead with their individual aspirations without sacrificing with companionship. Acceptance of Live-in Relationships in India Anychange,smallorbig,goodorbad,short-livedorperpetual,takestime.Achangeofthought takes even longer when it is about changing the thought of a whole community, esp. something as diverse as India. The question is not about the purity of the form of the relationship, as such. The understanding of this cultureshouldcomefromahealthyenvironmentwhereitcanbreatheandgiveajustificationforagreater cause. Weknowaboutmanyconsequenceswhenalive-infails.Thereisheartbreak,depressionandsour feelings. This is a natural tendency among us to be cynical about changes. We bet on things which we find safe. That tendency has built the prejudices around cohabitation. Theproblemliesinthefactthatlittleknowledgeaboutthenatureofcohabitationprevailsamong those who have never thought of being a part of it. And the solution is the dissociation of the stigma attached with the practice. To address this, we must first understand live-in relation from the perspective of those who have embraced it. Oursocietyoftenlinkslive-inrelationshipswithswitchingandswingingamongmultiplepartners, andhavingnomoralcharacter.Butthatisnotnecessarilyso.Ifwegoaroundscrutinisingmultiplesample couples who have moved in together, there is always an expectation of loyalty. Each partner is given enough air so that, without any strings attached, one person sticks to the one partner one lives with. Adultery, then, is notarestrictionbutanoption.Insuchacase,theoneswhoareloyalcanclaimtobebetterpartnersthan thosewithareligiousorlegalbond.Lookingattheintrinsicdetails,live-inrelationshipisamarriage between individuals rather than families. But, there is a twist in the story. The brighter side shows us a very colourful future. When these cohabitants realise that they have been with a suitable partner for a long time, a rosy picture awaits. Going by the statistics, a lot of couples who share a live-in relationship, tie the knot in the long run. Manyenterlive-inrelationshipasanalternativetocourtshipwithanintentiontomarryifeverythinggoes well.Eveniftheydont,theystartabidingbythedisciplinesprevalentinmarriageandattimes,bearkids and live a life together. Its a matter of perspective which plays the dice. The society must zoom out and look atthebroaderpicturewheretheupcominggenerationswillbeabletochoosethemostcompatiblepartners and live a happy life as against being forcibly tied to someone they can hardly tolerate, amounting to regular domestic quarrels.Marriage has always been a sacred knot to tie. But providing someone with an opportunity to scale onescompatibilityisnolessessential. Withchangingtimes,theIndiansocietyshould(read,must)accept cohabitationasaviablesubstitutetomarriage. Thereisagrowingawarenessabouthealthycohabitationin educationalandlegalcommunitieswithamplecooperationfromthemedia.Goingbycurrentspeculations, we can expect a destigmatisation of cohabitation in the near future. Inferences on Cohabitation Cohabitationisnotyetapracticewhichcanbelaudedwithimmediateeffect.Butitisallsetto evolve. The sensitive society takes some time to weigh the pros and cons of every change that gathers some attention. This is no exception. Live-in relationships have their fair share of advantages over the traditional practice. However, when young minds are misguided by pure infatuation and they get into such relationships, they face troubles. The instances of abusive partners and cold relationships also tend to give a way to other evils. When a way of life challenges established norms, it is not surprising to see it struggling. At times, such changesfalterandthesocietytendstogetbacktotheinitials.Bythattime,thedamageisdone.Thus,a maturity of mind is essential before entering into such unbound relationships. Approval of parents and elders willtaketimeforobviousreasons.Contextualfactorslikethelevelofawareness,statusoffamilies,social activityandtheheightoftolerancemustbegivenafairconsiderationbeforethinkingaboutlive-in relationships.Unlessthesefactorsfavouracouple,theyshouldnottakeunnecessarytrouble.Similarly,the societyshouldalsoconsiderfactorslikecompatibility,convenience,emotionalpressureandpsychological bias before opposing live-in relationship under all situations.