A Closer Look at Feelings

Jim Weinstein is one of Washington DC's most successful Life Coaches and Career Counselors.

Through his intelligent career counseling, he has helped a number of individuals in DC navigate

the complex issues of their life. In this article, he talks about the power of feelings, how they

generate, and most importantly how they impact one's professional and personal life.

The two primary engines of human behavior are thoughts and feelings. I have blogged extensively

about the power (both positive and negative) of thoughts, but less so on the power of feelings.

Hence today's post.

Feelings can be generated in several ways. There are thought inspired feelings, what I call reptilian

feelings, "gut" feelings, spiritually inspired feelings, and feelings of love.

Thought inspired feelings are the most common. Thinking of a problem, an opportunity, an

experience, or a memory triggers feelings and emotions. Often, however, the triggering thought is

invisible, either because it was fleeting or because it was overwhelmed by the subsequent powerful

feelings it generated. Among common thought based feelings are guilt, hopelessness, shame,

hatred, envy, embarrassment, and jealousy. The realization that the majority of feelings arise from

thoughts is a powerful one because it provides the ability to begin to exert greater control over

those feelings by shifting the negative thoughts.

A common example that I see in my clients is a depressed feeling that they are stuck in a career

that they have come to dislike, and that there is no obvious way of escaping the situation. When

their thoughts focus on the absence of a readily apparent solution, a feeling of being trapped with

no means of escape is likely to emerge. Is it really true that there is no escaping the situation? No.

In fact most people who come to me with that problem succeed in finding an answer. So clearly it's

the negative thinking that is the source of the depressed feeling.

Reptilian feelings are those that trace back millions of years and evolved to avoid danger and

maximize safety. A prominent example is the startle response in infants: a loud noise will cause the

infant to draw arms and legs towards the chest, providing increased protection from an external

threat. Disgust is another feeling that is frequently reptilian-based. Sometimes reptilian feelings are

dead on: a sudden movement by something in the environment could signal danger. But more

often than not the "automatic" response generated by reptilian feelings turns out to be

unnecessary; how often has the perception of sudden danger turned out to be in fact dangerous?

"Gut" feelings are also evolutionarily based. They come from a source that well known author

Malcolm Gladwell feels is often much better qualified to help us make decisions than is plain old

rational thought. "The cognitive, emotional, and social repertoire that create those gut feelings, or

what we call intuition, has evolved over the millennia specifically for making decisions. It is not

some sort of mystical chemical reaction but a neurologically based behavior that evolved to ensure

that we humans respond quickly when faced with a dilemma”. Gut feelings are not invariably

accurate, but they certainly deserve attention.

Spiritually inspired feelings are rare for most people - a sense of peace and tranquility that comes

from the sense of being connected to "the universe". These feelings can arise in religious contexts,

in meditation, or in being fully in the present moment. They don't generally suggest any particular

action - they are contentment with exactly what is.

Then there is that special feeling we call LOVE. It can be the intense initial feeling of oneness that

is often present at the very beginning of a relationship, or the mellower feeling of some

combination of security, attraction, attachment, and intimacy that underlies more "mature"

relationships (romantic or platonic). But of course even love, like most other feelings, can be

misleading and result in poor choices.

Don't let yourself be run by your feelings without reflection. You may feel strongly that you want to,

or should do something (or, contrarily, NOT do something), but digging beneath the emotional

surface can help you make wiser choices. Browse www.dclifecounseling.com for more info.