Central Iowa Chapter 2741 Hickman Rd. Des Moines, IA 50310

DECEMBER 2015 VOLUME 17 NO. 12

“WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE!”

NEXT MEETING: December 1, 2015 7 – 8:45 PM

Hamilton’s on Westown Parkway

**Large Chapel Area or Butterfly Reception Room**

3601 Westown, West Des Moines, IA

Go west at the corner of Valley West Drive and Westown Parkway. Hamilton’s is located on the northwest corner of

36th Street and Westown Parkway. Entry to the parking lot is off of 36th Street, on either the south or north side of the

building. The facility will be open at 6:30 pm for anyone who wants to come early to share or for new people to fill

out papers and get information folders.

PROGRAM: Our Annual Chapter Candle Lighting Service. We will be remembering our

children, siblings, and grandchildren with songs, poetry, readings, and lighting

of our memory candles. A social hour follows for sharing and snacks.

INCLEMENT WEATHER

Winter is upon us now with unpredictable weather. If the weather is severe the night of our meetings, please use

good judgment before venturing out. Listen to local TV and radio stations or check cancellations online; if most

school activities and other events are cancelled, we will not meet. We will also notify Hamilton’s of our

cancellation by 5 p.m. on meeting date (515-224-0078).

TELEPHONE FRIENDS:

We have all experienced the pain of having a child die. We understand and care and would like to hear from

you. The parents listed below have offered to listen and share those difficult times we all experience. If you

are having a bad day, would like to share a memory, or need reassurance that what you are feeling is “normal,” please call a telephone friend.

Ruth and Dave Carlson Michael (3 months), congenital heart defects 515-224-0720

Karen Wiederholt Nicholas (3 months), sudden infant death syndrome 515-274-3584

Larry and Linda Vavroch Larry II, stillborn 515-278-5963

Paul and Joyce Scranton Brian (22 years), suicide 515-965-2467

Dick and Diana Sosalla Nicole (20 years), sudden death, illness 515-367-3077

Jennifer Ryan Premature birth 515-779-9449

EMPTY ARMS – A self-help group within our TCF chapter for parents experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. Facilitators and Telephone Friends: Ginger & Dale Johnson 515-226-3143

277-7502

Betsy Lundy 515-277-7502

SIBLINGS – Any person who has had a brother or sister die is invited to attend our regular chapter meetings.

Facilitator and Telephone Friend: Vern Bradley 515-277-6432

UPCOMING EVENTS

December 1, 2015, 7 pm – Our Chapter Candle Lighting Ceremony

December 13, 2015, 6:30 pm – Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony with Mercy Medical Center

CHAPTER AND NATIONAL INFORMATION

Central Iowa Chapter:

Chapter Leader – Merry Bradley – 515-277-6432

Newsletter Editor – Judy Jarboe - jjarboe@mchsi.com

Chapter Advisor – Chapter Website – htp://www.tcfdsm.org/

National Office:

Address: The Compassionate Friends, Inc. P.O. Box 3693 Oak Brook, IL 60522-3693

Phone toll-free: 1-877-969-0010 Fax: 1-630-990-0246 E-mail: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org

Website: www.thecompassionatefriends.org

We encourage you to use the national website as a resource for information regarding recommended reading

materials and other supporting information. It is also a link, 24 hours a day, to chat rooms specifically

for bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings.

“ . . . We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends.”

IN LOVING MEMORY . . . .

There are no dues or fees to belong to The Compassionate Friends. We have all paid the ultimate price—the loss

of our loved ones. Through “love gifts,” parents and others who wish to may provide financial support for our chapter. We are grateful for these gifts and use them in our chapter’s work to be there for others.

RUBY GEHRKE AND ANNE GEHRKE

In memory of their son and brother, DAVID JAMES GEHRKE

VERN and MERRY BRADLEY and RAECHEL GRAPENTINE

In memory of their daughter and sister, TERRI BRADLEY

ROSEMARIE KELLING

In memory of her daughter, ANET JAMES

MARVIN and MARY WOOD

In memory of their son, JONATHAN DANIEL WOOD

CENTRAL IOWA CHAPTER NOVEMBER MONTHLY MEETING

Six members attended the Steering Committee meeting prior to the November TCF meeting, and topics of discussion

included the upcoming candle lighting ceremony and need for volunteers and attendance numbers. Jen Jacobe was selected as chapter delegate for ballot voting concerns during 2016 related to the national office.

Fourteen members attended the regular November meeting. We welcomed Darlene Greenfield who attended in memory

of her son, Alex Greenfield. Darlene was accompanied by her good friend and supporter, Marcella Edmonds.

The Ask It Basket provided much thought and discussion for coping with the holidays and any days for new as well as

veteran grievers. We encouraged all to take care of themselves and to hold the good memories close at heart even though a tear may fall. Remember, our love for our special persons and their love for us will never fail.

You may not be looking forward to the coming holidays; when those days arrive, look back at the good memories,

whether it be years, and the warmth and elation of a baby on the way. Don’t lose those moments.

NOTE: The Compassionate Friends is a self-help support group to help individuals on their grief journey.

Please understand we cannot advise on depression; major family feuds, or financial areas. We can only suggest

that professional counseling may be helpful, as well as talking with your minister, a social worker, or a banker.

~ Merry Bradley

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Come light a candle with us and join with families around the

world . . . “that their light may always shine.”

Join the Compassionate Friends and Mercy Medical Center for the annual

community candle lighting.

Where: Mercy Medical Center East Tower Auditorium

1111 6th Avenue, Des Moines, IA 50314

From: 6:30 – 7:30 pm Sunday, December 13th, 2015

Who: Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, Family, and Friends

Reason: To remember the children in our families who have died at all ages,

from all causes. We will be placing luminaries in Memory Garden.

Directions:

You may enter the Main Tower Entrance on University or in the East Tower Entrance

on 3rd

Street. Go to level A; there will be direction signs to the auditorium. For additional Information Contact: Ann Valdez (55 358-3000

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need #1: Acknowledge the reality of the death

You must gently confront the difficult reality that someone you loved is dead and will never physically be present to you again. Whether the death was sudden or anticipated, acknowledging the full reality of the loss may occur over weeks and months. You will first acknowledge the reality of the loss with your head. Only over time will you come to acknowledge it with your heart. At times you may push away the reality of the death. This is normal. You will come to integrate the reality in doses as you are ready.

Tell someone about the death today. Talking about it will help you work on this important need.

~ Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Healing Your Grieving Heart

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Our Beloved Children Remembered in December Lighting a candle, cherishing a birth . . .

Wendy Allsopp Daughter of Rosemarie O’Connor and Michael Allsopp

Derrick Bagley Son of Marvin and RoseAnn Bagley, spouse of Laura Bagley

Jacob Baker Son of Ann Baker

Alex Bowersox Son of Tom and Karen Bowersox

Doug Brewbaker Son of Max and Pat Brewbaker

Emily Conner Daughter of Bob and Susan Conner

Joseph Davis Son of Toni Davis

Diane Dickman Daughter of Norman and Darlene Dickman

Mark Dinsmore Son of James and Pat Dinsmore

Michael Emal Son of Mary Emal

Karli Faas Daughter of Mindy and Josh Faas, granddaughter of Linda Kimball

Alec Freese Son of Kevin and Cindy Freese, grandson of Len and Helen Ringgenberg

David James Gehrke Son of Robert and Ruby Gehrke, brother of Anne Gehrke

Douglas Gordon Brother of Denise Gordon-Kamm

Brock Adam Gould Grandson of Randy and Barb Gould

Brian Highland Son of Bill and Barb Highland

Emily Hilterbrand Daughter of Jon Stahl Jr. and Kelley Hilterbrand

Keith Lee Jarboe Son of Ralph and Judith Jarboe, brother of Molly

Andrew Knoke Son of Ron and Kristin Knoke

Gabriel Kornstad Son of Lori and Greg Kornstad

Kim Kramer-Roberts Daughter of Ed and Millie Kramer

Audrey Elizabeth Logue Daughter of Sara Johnson, sister of Tristan Daniel and Jasper Thomas Jason Mrogenski Son of Tom and Diana Mrogenski

Aaron Paul Nelson Son of Ward and Paula Nelson

Zach Paulsen Kurt and Patrice Paulsen Christopher Pettyjohn Son of Cindy Witt and Marvin Witt

Ryan & David Peyton Children of Jarad Peyton

Emily Ryan Daughter of Rick and Jennifer Ryan

Courntney Seymour Son of Cindy and Jeff Mayer

Scott Alan Shawver Brother of Jan Shawver

Carly Rose Shelton Daughter of Andrew and Laura Shelton

Joseph Daniel Signorelli Son of Kimberley Ann Plumley, brother of Angelina Ashley Signorelli Linda Starkey-Smith Sister of Donna Luepker

Andy Strait Son of Ted and Joanne Strait

Jeannie Walsh Daughter of Steve and Judy Walsh

Taylor Wiederien Son of Mary Wiederien

Julie Windolf Daughter of John and Ann Windolf

Jonathan Daniel Wood Son Marvin and Mary Wood

Lighting a candle, remembering a life . . . Erica Allen Daughter of Laura Allen

Terri Bradley Daughter of Vern and Merry Bradley, sister of Raechel Grapentine

Noah Edwards Son of David and Christine Edwards

Teresa Fagen Daughter of Steve and Peggy Fagen, sister of Michelle, Mary, & Renee

Karen Farley Sister of Jackie Judge

Jamie Flinn Daughter of Donna Flinn

Laura Gastineau Daughter of James and Janet Gastineau

Chap Gordon Son of Paul Gordon

Chad Huisinga Son of Alan and Melinda Huisinga, brother of Kristin

Brice Janvrin Son of Diane and Bruce Janvrin

Jimmy R. Johnson Son of Mary J. Duran, brother of Crystal Burrell

Crissy Miller Daughter of Jody Freel

Katie Nielson Daughter of Eric and Carol Nielson

Ryan O’Connor Son of Terry O’Connor

Amy Prideaux Daughter of Ken and Janet Prideaux 6

Franklin Augustus Sanchez Son of Vince and Gail Valdez and Frank Sanchez

Jamie Sturges Daughter of Donna Flinn

Jody Thomas Daughter of Orene and Rex Glantz

Chase Thomas Grandson of Orene and Rex Glantz

Lucas Weis Son of Kim and Dennis Weis, brother of Christopher, Miles, and Zach

Morgan Williams Daughter of Mark and Cheryl Williams

Kathryn (Katie) Zucker Daughter of Jana Wickman

“Special Days”— birthdays and death anniversary days — can be difficult for bereaved families. This feature

helps us be aware of who is facing these “special days” each month. Let them know that you are thinking of

them. Children whose birth and death dates fall within the same month will appear in the birthday column only.

In an effort to minimize the risk of identity theft, we will show only the name and the month, not the exact day

and year.

Holiday Lights

During the holiday season, both Christians and Jews light candles in celebration of their respective faiths, and as they do so even the darkest of rooms become warm and bright from the glow of the candle. Then, we can ask ourselves how powerful and sinister can the darkness be if it can be overcome by the light of one little candle.

There is then a message in this for all of us. When the darkness seems to overwhelm us, and it can be a mental and spiritual darkness as well as the darkness of winter night, we need to be reminded that it is powerless to withstand the smallest bit of illumination.

So as the world grows colder and darker during these winter months, we as Compassionate Friends must do what people of many faiths have been taught to do at this season. Light a candle in someone's life to make the darkness and fears flee. A little bit of light is all that most of us need, but, oh, we need that little bit so badly.

So, let us all in The Compassionate Friends extend a candle of light and hope not only to each other, but to the unfortunate people who, for whatever reason, become one of us this winter and will be in need of that light. It's the least we can do and it accomplishes so much.

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE IT. ~ Bettye and Sam Rosenberg, TCF Louisville, KY ~

Why not receive your copy of our monthly newsletter by email? Just send your email address (also include your

full snail-mail address with zip code) to the editor at jjarboe@mchsi.com. The email version is in pdf form and can

be opened on any computer regardless of operating system, and it is in color!

“Pick and choose and try to spend this holiday season with people who will put no pressure on you

to “get back to normal.” There is no such thing. Normal was when your child was still alive. The task is to create a new normalcy, not to live in denial as to the reality of the old one.”

~ Dierdre Felton, MA

If you have a memory of someone who has died, give it freely to those who are left

behind . . . in the sharing of memories is born the beginnings of hope and healing.

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