8.2 Picasso Finger Painting
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Transcript of 8.2 Picasso Finger Painting
PICASSO FINGER PAINTING - SERIES 8 EPISODE 2
By TONY JORDAN TRANSCRIPT: A.B.
ADRIAN LESTER - MICKY STONE
ROBERT GLENISTER - ASH MORGAN
MATT DI ANGELO - SEAN KENNEDY
KELLY ADAMS - EMMA KENNEDY
ROBERT VAUGHN - ALBERT STROLLER
ROB JARVIS - EDDIE
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
FADE IN.
We’re in a warehouse, but it’s a blurred b/g. Focus on ASH’s
face. He’s staring straight into the camera.
ASH
You know, one of the downsides to a
life of crime is that occasionally
you have to do business with people
who are, um...Well, for want of a
better word, criminals.
And the camera suddenly rotates to reveal ASH hanging upside
down from a rope tied around his ankles.
ASH (CONT’D)
Like most things that end with you
hanging upside down in a deserted
warehouse, it started with a really
good idea.
Slide to:
EXT. LONDON CITY - MORNING
CLOSE UP of a newspaper, headline reading ’Picasso Painting
Stolen from Private Collection’.
MICKY
"A Small Cat In the Garden was
painted by Pablo Picasso in 1903,
in what was known as is blue
period. It measures 12 inches by 11
inches and was stolen from a
private collection in the early
hours of Sunday morning."
We have been zooming backwards from the headline to reveal
EMMA, ASH, ALBERT, SEAN and MICKY - who was reading out the
headline - sat on a bench in a quiet town square.
ALBERT
Mmmmm...Value?
MICKY
It’s been insured for three
million.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
SEAN
Wow.
MICKY
"Police say the gang was clearly
experienced and well informed."
ASH
Meaning it was stolen to order.
MICKY
No question.
ALBERT
Is Mad Dolly still around?
MICKY
My thoughts exactly.
EMMA
Dolly Hammond, she’s the best
Picasso forger in London. She’s
alright, but she’s just a
bit...erm...
ALBERT
Unique.
ASH
Yeah, she’s a bit different, you
know.
MICKY
Insane.
ASH
Yeah. No, she’s a lovely old bird
really, but, erm...she used to have
the hots for Albie.
SEAN
Why would we need someone to forge
a painting that’s already been
stolen?
MICKY
Well, because now it’s theft has
already been reported.
SEAN
Collectors will believe you if you
tell ’em you’re trying to sell it.
It’s brilliant.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
MICKY
Yes, it is.
ASH
Yes, it is.
EMMA
As always.
Slide to:
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
ASH - still tied upside down, hanging from the roof like a
bat.
ASH
Well, potentially brilliant.
Depending on who you try and sell
the fake to. And here’s a little
tip should you ever find yourself
trying to flog a fake Picasso...
Zoom quickly to ASH’s face.
ASH (CONT’D)
Don’t try and sell it to the bloke
who the original was nicked from in
the first place.
Then;
A gorgeous blue car drives into the warehouse, it’s engine
blaring as it screeches round the corner and stops next to
ASH.
ASH (CONT’D)
Aye-aye. Here come the cavalry.
EMMA belts out of the passenger seat, SEAN from the drivers
and MICKY and ALBERT from the back seats.
SEAN
Ash!
SEAN sprints over to a nearby roof stand, which has the
other end of the rope tied around the base. SEAN pulls the
rope over and over again and eventually loosens the knot. He
unravels the knot.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
EMMA
Gently, Sean, gently!
ASH
Oooooh!
He is slowly lowered to the ground for SEAN is letting down
the rope gradually.
ALBERT
Where’s Micky?
ASH
They pulled a gun on us. Petre
Sava’s men have taken him.
ALBERT
What happened?
ASH
Well, it’s a very long story, but
the upshot is the original was
nicked from him in the first place.
He wasn’t happy at us telling him
it was us who nicked it, and then
trying to sell him a fake back
instead of the real thing.
INT. PETRE SAVA’S HOUSE - MORNING
An exhibition room. White walls and ceiling with many
different framed paintings of Pablo Picasso, A Small Cat in
the Garden in the center on it’s own white stand.
Standing around the painting are MICKY, ASH and a man in a
blue blazer with a rough beard, and a taller bloke with a
grey blazer and matching trousers.
The man with the beard (PETRE SAVA) picks up the painting in
disgust.
The taller man brings out a gun and holds it to ASH and
MICKY.
They both raise their hands in the air.
There’s a gap on the wall.
Both ASH and MICKY look at the camera with a
well-that-didn’t-work expression.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
PETRE SAVA
This is NOT Picasso! This is not my
painting!
Slow motion.
PETRE smashing the painting against the stand in anger.
Slide to:
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
ASH
So Petre Sava is holding on to
Micky till we deliver the real
Picasso back to him.
EMMA
We haven’t got the real one.
ASH
No, I did mention that, and we
argued for a bit, then he
threatened a level of physical
violence I wasn’t comfortable with,
so I backed down.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
ASH (V.O)
He’s given us six hours to find it.
An almost empty car park level with only a few cars parked
here and there.
A cars headlights shine into view and a car drives into the
car park and turns to a halt.
Three men step out of the car - all wearing business suits -
and one of them pulls out MICKY who’s been gagged.
One of the men smiles as he opens the boot of one of the
cars. The two other men are dragging him forward.
He is thrown into the boot of the car.
6.
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
SEAN
So what happens if we can’t find
the real painting?
ASH
Oh, he was very specific about
that. Micky’s a dead man.
They all look down. They don’t know what to do.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
MICKY is in the car - still gagged - with the men looking
down at him.
They smile, and slam the boot door down.
OPENING TITLES.
EXT. LONDON CITY - AFTERNOON
ASH is in a square of buildings. He walks forward to a man
and shakes hands. Speaking indistinctly.
CUT TO:
SEAN walks forward to a man, too, and gives him a pat on the
back. They speak indistinctly.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
EMMA is sat alone in the booth, amongst many different
newspapers. She’s ruffling her way through them.
EXT. LONDON CITY - BRDIGE - AFTERNOON
ALBERT is walking along a bridge. He takes the phone away
from his ear and strikes the air in frustration. He leans on
the railings, looking onto the water.
Fade to:
7.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
EMMA now sat without the newspapers in the booth, looking
into the distance, lost in thought.
ASH fades in and fades out. He fades in and sits down.
SEAN fades in and fades out. He fades in and sits down.
ALBERT fades in and fades out. He fades in and sits down.
EMMA
So no-one’s got anything? (pause)
But that’s impossible.
ASH
Well, it’s not a local crew.
Someone would know if it was.
ALBERT
By now the real painting could’ve
been shipped out of the country.
EMMA
Yeah but come on, it’s weird that
no-one’s heard anything.
ASH
Or if they have, they don’t want to
share it.
SEAN
What about that Dolly the forger?
Would she know? Well, if she’s a
Picasso freak, she might have heard
something.
ASH
Well I suppose...
EMMA
Yeah. Yeah, yeah it’s worth a try.
ALBERT
Let’s do it.
INT. DOLLY’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
DOLLY - a mad woman in her sixties/seventies; fuzzy ginger
hair with pale looking skin; she’s wearing a vintage blue
dress.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
Her house looks like an art studio. Paint pallets in every
direction; finished and unfinished paintings dotted about.
The entire room is full of old fashioned lamps and
ornaments. Her house certainly reflects her personality -
insane.
DOLLY
Can’t find a decent thief these
days, they’re all gangsters,
they’ve got no class. Not like you,
Albert.
She’s carrying in a tray of drinks. She walks through an
enormous photo frame.
ALBERT
(politely)
Thank you, Dolly.
DOLLY
I’d string ’em all up. By the
testicles. Leave them there for the
crows to pick at.
EMMA turns to what she thought was a sleeping cat. She
strokes it and realizes it is in fact stuffed. She turns
away awkwardly.
DOLLY (CONT’D)
Feed what’s left to the pigs, like
we used to.
ASH
So you’ve no idea who stole the
Picasso, Dolly?
DOLLY
(handing out the drinks)
What Picasso?
ASH
A Small Cat In The Garden.
DOLLY
You’ve had your copy, I’ve already
done it.
ASH
No, no, I’m talking about the real
one.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
DOLLY
(about SEAN)
He’s cute.
SEAN smiles awkwardly.
ASH
Dolly, the painting, have you any
idea who nicked it?
DOLLY
How would I know that?
ASH
Has no-one said anything to you?
DOLLY
Who?
ASH
Anyone.
DOLLY
Said what?
ASH
About the painting.
DOLLY
What painting?
ASH
The Picasso.
DOLLY
I don’t know who nicked it.
ASH
Well, that’s what I’m asking,
innit?
DOLLY
I’ve told you.
EMMA goes to pick up one of the drinks.
DOLLY (CONT’D)
Who are YOU?
EMMA
...Oh, I’m Emma.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
DOLLY
What are you doing in my house?
EMMA
I’m with Albert.
DOLLY
(to ALBERT)
This your floozy, is it?
ALBERT
No, no, no, no. You’re the only
woman for me, Dolly.
DOLLY
Ohhh! (to EMMA) Aah...unlucky.
EMMA smiles, ’it’s fine’.
ASH
Dolly, do you know anything at all
about the painting? Anything that
might help us find out who nicked
it? I mean, was there someone who
really liked it? A private
collector? Or did someone try and
buy it before and failed? Anything.
DOLLY
I know where every Picasso in
London is.
(pause)
I can smell them.
(long pause)
Except this one.
They all sigh.
ASH
Dolly, look, is there any way you
can track it down, you know?
SEAN
What’s the word on the street?
DOLLY
Do I look like Huggy Bear?
ASH
Dolly! We need to find it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
DOLLY
I’ll see what I can do, if...
(points to ALBERT)
he sings to me, and...
(points to SEAN)
he snogs me.
SEAN’s face instantly drops.
ALBERT
(singing)
Hello Dolly, well, Hello Dolly.
It’s so nice to have you back where
you belong!
She laughs as ALBERT takes her hands.
Now, all the attention is on SEAN. They all turn to him.
SEAN
Oh...no.
He clears his throat. He won’t do it.
She stands, and walks over to him.
Sinister music.
SEAN (CONT’D)
No. Forget it. It’s...it’s not
happening.
Jaws music.
EMMA
Sean, think about Micky.
SEAN
Forget Micky.
EMMA
Do it.
SEAN
I don’t want to.
EMMA
Sean.
He looks at DOLLY. She is on her knees, and her lips are
tightened together, leaning over to SEAN.
Jaws music gets more faster. She leans closer.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
He takes a deep breath. And kisses her quickly.
But before he can lean back, DOLLY grabs his head and pulls
it to her lips. A long, 5 second kiss!!!
SEAN whimpers, clutching EMMA’s arm. They all smile to
themselves.
She lets go of him.
DOLLY
Naughty!
She chuckles and gets back up, leaving SEAN with a large
lipstick mark on his own lips. He’s shell shocked.
Back to casual music.
ASH
Well?
DOLLY
Erm...well, I should know in a
couple of hours. Send him.
SEAN sighs. They all get up, walk through the portrait frame
and out of the room. Before ALBERT does, he blows her a
kiss. She blows him one back, too.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
The car park level. Only one car in shot. The silver car
MICKY’s in.
INT. SILVER CAR - AFTERNOON
MICKY is curled up inside, a piece of tape stuck over his
mouth. He’s breathing heavily through his nose.
What to do...
Then, he kicks the boot with his foot. THUMP!
And again.
And once more. Then, the car alarm bleeps into life.
13.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
The cars lights are flashing orange, the alarming still
whirring.
But then. Silence. The alarm stops. Somebody has switched it
off.
INT. SILVER CAR - AFTERNOON
MICKY sighs, plan failed.
Slide to:
EXT. LONDON CITY - AFTERNOON
SEAN, EMMA, ASH and ALBERT walking down a large pathway.
ASH
Now, just in case Dolly draws a
blank, we’d better cover all the
angles. Albert, use your police
contacts, see if they’ve got any
leads on the robbery or any idea
who it was.
ALBERT
Right.
ASH
Sean, take the car. See what else
you can find out about Petre Sava.
SEAN
OK.
EMMA
What about us?
ASH
You and me will go and see Cyclops.
Now art’s not really his thing, but
he might have heard something.
INT. CORNER CAFE - AFTERNOON
CYCLOPS - a chubby, scrawny haired man in his forties with
big bulging glasses magnifying his eyes, and an unshaven
face. His blond hair curls down to his shoulders. Generally
scruffy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
He’s eating a full English, scoffing it into his face
greedily.
CYCLOPS
I’ve got The Dogs Playing Snooker,
if that’s any good to you? It’s a
classic. I used to have The Bird On
The Tennis Court Scratching Her
Bum, but it got stiletto damage in
a domestic dispute. Well, women
don’t really get art, do they?
EMMA
Is that right?
CYCLOPS
Yeah, well-known fact. They’ve not
got no patience for it. That’s why
all the major artists are all men.
Women would never be able to finish
anything. They’d be halfway through
The Laughing Cavalier, then they’d
wander off and start colour-coding
their shoe cupboard.
ASH
Look, can we get back to the matter
in hand?
CYCLOPS
Which was?
ASH
A Small Cat In The Garden. The
stolen Picasso.
CYCLOPS
Oh yeah.
ASH
So who nicked it?
CYCLOPS
Art’s not really my thing.
ASH
I said that, didn’t I?
EMMA
Yeah.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
CYCLOPS
But I heard about it.
ASH
What?
CYCLOPS
I said I heard about it.
ASH
No, no, what did you hear?
CYCLOPS
That it was nicked. You want a
chip?
EMMA
No, thank you.
CYCLOPS
Any chance of a date?
EMMA
None.
CYCLOPS
Sympathy shag? Think of it as
charity work, it’s been a while.
ASH
Look, Cyclops, Micky’s in trouble.
Whatever you know, you need to tell
me.
CYCLOPS
We haven’t haggled yet.
EMMA
What? You’re going to charge us?
CYCLOPS
’Scuse me. This is still a
capitalist society.
EMMA
I thought Micky was your mate.
CYCLOPS
Well, he’s more of an acquaintance,
really. But that said, I’m willing
to make a discount.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
ASH
(digging into his pocket)
How much?
CYCLOPS
Call it a nifty. OK. I can’t tell
if these things are related, but
the day before the Picasso was
nicked, a hardcore jock crew flew
in.
ASH
Scottish?
CYCLOPS
The McCrary brothers. They took
over a house in Westbridge Grove.
Now, all I know about ’em is that
they nick to order, anything you
like, usually upmarket. Paintings,
cars, antiques. I mean they could
be here for something else,
but...It’s worth asking the
question, innit?
They get up from the table and leave CYCLOPS to continue
with his food.
EXT. MCCRARY HOUSE - AFTERNOON
ASH and EMMA jump out of a taxi and cross the road. In front
of them are grand, black gates.
EMMA
OK. What do you think?
ASH
Well, we could knock on the door,
say "Och, aye, the noo," and ask
’em if they’ve just nicked a
Picasso.
EMMA
It’s direct, to the point. But as
we don’t know who they are, I think
it’s a little bit foolhardy.
ASH
Yeah, I know, that’s what I like
about it.
He presses the gate buzzer.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
EMMA
Ash?
Voice from the box, ’Who is it?’
ASH
It’s Ash Morgan. I need to talk to
you about the Picasso you just
nicked.
EMMA
Have you lost your marbles?
ASH
Yeah. We haven’t got a lot of time.
What’s the worst that could happen?
EMMA
They could kill us!
ASH
Yeah, well, then at least Micky
would know we died trying.
The gates slowly grind apart from each other and ASH and
EMMA walk onto the long drive.
The house is quite big, all the exterior chalk white.
A man in jeans and a grey shirt comes from the door and
walks towards them.
He’s bald with a beard, and has a sinister look on him.
ASH takes his hands out of his pocket, thinking the man is
going for him, however he walks past them and onto the
streets.
GERALD MCRARY
You’ve got some bottle.
GERALD - greasy black combed hair. He’s quite tall. He’s
wearing a black top and trousers. Not expecting visitors.
ASH
Yeah, well, needs must, and all of
that.
GERALD MCRARY
Well, in you come, then.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
ASH
That’s very kind, but if it’s all
the same to you, we’ll stay out of
here.
GERALD MCRARY
Fair play.
ASH
Trouble is, a very good friend of
mine is being held by Petre Sava,
the bloke you nicked the Picasso
from. Now, it’s a long story but
now he thinks we’ve got it.
GERALD MCRARY
And why would he think that?
EMMA
Because we told him we did.
ASH
Yeah, we were trying to sell him a
fake.
EMMA
We’re grifters.
ASH
Yeah it’s what we do. We read about
the Picasso being nicked, so we had
a copy made to sell to a private
collector, one who wouldn’t ask too
many questions.
GERALD MCRARY
If they’d read about it being
stolen, they’d believe it was real.
EMMA
Exactly.
ASH
Trouble is, the collector we took
it to was the one you’d nicked it
from.
EMMA
Which he wasn’t very happy about,
as you can imagine.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
GERALD MCRARY
Well, it’s a beautiful story, and I
am getting all misty-eyed, but
what’s this got to do with us?
ASH
Well, err...If you give us the real
Picasso, the one that you nicked
from Sava, we can go and get our
mate back.
GERALD MCRARY
Well, let’s just say that we had
this painting, not that I’m saying
that we do, you understand...But
he’s your friend, not ours. So
what’s in it for us?
ASH
Well, er, to be honest. I haven’t
thought that bit through. What do
you want?
GERALD MCRARY
Don’t want anything.
ASH
Tell you what, 20 grand and I’ll
nick it straight back for you.
GERALD laughs.
GERALD MCRARY
You know, just for the sheer brass
neck of you, I’m tempted to help
you out. And I do love a grifter.
Especially a pretty one. But it’s
already been moved on.
ASH
Where?
GERALD MCRARY
Oh, I can’t tell you that.
ASH
You have to.
GERALD MCRARY
Ash, is it?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
ASH
Yeah.
GERALD MCRARY
Ash...
He walks forward till he’s only a few centimeters away from
ASH himself. He looks into his eyes.
GERALD MCRARY (CONT’D)
I can’t do it, son. We’ve worked
years to build up a reputation
based on complete discretion. I
can’t piss that up the wall for a
couple of grifters. So my lips are
sealed.
ASH
Alright, what if I threatened to
beat it out of you?
GERALD MCRARY
Then I would respect that. And me
and my brother Neil here, would
defend ourselves as best we could,
by ripping your head from the rest
of your body and eating it.
ASH
Fair enough, just asking.
GERALD MCRARY
(smiles)
You have a nice day.
ASH and EMMA turn and walk past the bald brother who peers
down at them with his usual sinister face.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
ZOOM BACK to reveal EMMA, SHAUN and ALBERT sat in their
regular booth thinking over the situation. ASH is leaning
against the scarlet wall, deep in thought.
ALBERT
So, looks like we’re back to square
one.
EMMA
No, not exactly, now we know who
stole it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
ASH
Yeah, but not who for.
EMMA
We still don’t know where it is.
SEAN
Any news from the Old Bill, Albert?
ALBERT
It seems we know more than they do.
EMMA
What if the McCrary brothers
haven’t delivered it yet? We could
just watch the house and wait for
them to make a move, right?
ASH
What if they’re delivering it
tomorrow or next week? We’ve only
got four hours left.
EMMA
What about Petre Sava?
SEAN
Well, I did some digging about,
like you said. Micky was right
about him being a high-end art
collector. His private collection
would rival most European
galleries. The last we knew, he
owned half a dozen nightclubs in
London, se he was bound to be a bit
dodgy.
ASH
Well, that’s a good thing.
SEAN
Yeah. Unti you find out how dodgy.
Human trafficking...
ALBERT
Aah.
SEAN
...Class A drug distribution and a
protection racket that started in
Romania, and has now spread over
eight European cities. We need to
get Micky out of there.
22.
EXT. LONDON CITY - AFTERNOON
Various shots of London buildings. Birds eye views.
INT. PETRE SAVA’S HOUSE - MORNING
A snooker table. PETRE is at the furthest side. He shoots
and the balls diffuse across the table.
PETRE SAVA
So what did you do with the black
guy?
BOGDAN - the man who smuggled MICKY into the car. His face
looks carved from wood, no expression at all. His eyes are
squinted and he always looks straight ahead.
He slightly speaks with a German accent;
BOGDAN
He’s in the boot of my car.
PETRE SAVA
Can he breathe?
BOGDAN
Sure. At least I think so.
PETRE clicks his fingers and BOGDAN lifts a glass bowl and
brings it over to him.
PETRE SAVA
If they don’t bring me my painting,
you think we should kill him, or
just cut some bits off?
He’s staring at the blank space on his wall. Many other
paintings are nailed to the wall except for that one.
PETRE SAVA (CONT’D)
Or both?
BOGDAN
Both is good.
He takes the cigar from the bowl and smokes it easily.
PETRE SAVA
They don’t cut people up too much
in the West, you know. They don’t
kill them very much, either. They
"beat up". But if you just beat up,
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
PETRE SAVA (cont’d)they get better, they find some
friends, and then they come back.
(smokes) If you cut bits off and
post them to their friends, this
doesn’t happen.
BOGDAN
No. It’s more efficient.
PETRE SAVA
Exactly. So, both it is.
He takes hold of the snooker stick and aims.
PETRE SAVA (CONT’D)
You cut. I kill.
And he smacks it into the ball which sends the others in
different directions.
INT. SILVER CAR - AFTERNOON
MICKY’s lying bundled up still.
He’s thinking of what to do.
He starts kicking and shuffling around, trying to swap
sides. He struggles but eventually has his hands aside a
torch lying in the corner of the boot.
He takes it with his tied up hands and presses it on.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
EDDIE walks over to the booth with food.
EDDIE
Where’s Micky?
EMMA
He’s being held hostage by a
Romanian gangster who won’t release
him until we find a painting of a
cat in a garden.
EDDIE
(laughing)
Yeah, right, yeah. You crack me up,
you lot. Very vivid imaginations,
as my mum used to say. Mind you,
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
EDDIE (cont’d)probably need them in your line of
work.
ASH
Cheers, Eddie. Look, give us a
couple of minutes, will you? We’re
thinking?
EDDIE
I thought I could hear something
(he chuckles) Oh, you had a phone
call. Nice lady...Molly?
ASH
Dolly.
EDDIE
Dolly. That’s it. She said she’s
got what you want, only you have to
send the cute one, whatever that
means.
They all turn to SEAN, who sighs.
SEAN
No way. Oh...no way.
ASH leans on the table, staring at SEAN.
SEAN (CONT’D)
No...
INT. DOLLY’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
INTERCUT.
SEAN
...way.
Jazz music in the b/g.
DOLLY
Ta-daa!
In comes DOLLY, dressed in the most ridiculous clothing. The
brightest blue dress your eyes could handle with a long
bandanna wrapped around her forehead, also blue. Insane.
She’s holding two drinks.
She sits cozily next to SEAN.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
DOLLY (CONT’D)
I didn’t know if you liked red or
white, so I brought one of each.
SEAN
Oh.
He takes the white wine and they bring their drinks
together.
Fix on DOLLY’s glass of wine, being placed on the table as
she chuckles childishly.
Blur to:
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
SEAN is covered in lipstick. His hair is ruffled and messy
and his top button is un-done. He’s staring into nowhere,
shell shocked.
SEAN
It was horrible.
ASH
So, did you actually have to?
SEAN
I don’t want to talk about it.
EMMA
Oh, no of course not.
EMMA walks over and gives him a drink. He drinks it in one.
SEAN
She took her teeth out.
EMMA can’t help smiling, nor ALBERT. ASH snorts out loud.
ALBERT
So, did she say anything at all?
ASH
Take a deep breath, Sean. It might
help to make the...pictures go
away.
He takes a long, deep breath and then begins.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
SEAN
Petre Sava bought A Small Cat In
The Garden by Picasso at an auction
in Kensington. He outbid a private
collector called Matthew Fairchild,
who’s an investment banker, and
happens to be the father of Louise
Fairchild, whose married name is
Holmes.
EMMA
Should we know her.
SEAN
No, but you might’ve heard of her
husband.
ASH
Harry Holmes.
EMMA
THE Harry Holmes.
SEAN
Afraid so.
INT. SNOOKER ROOM - AFTERNOON
Rapping music.
HARRY HOLMES - a swollen-headed, arrogant and swaggering
know-it-all businessman. He’s wearing the most expensive
suit. His hair is perfectly combed and positioned. A cocky,
hot dogging gangster in his forties.
He’s holding a sword.
He’s walking down the snooker room isle. One of the many
snooker boards has a man stretched out, a man holding out
each limb. His shirt’s ripped open.
HARRY walks over to the side of him calmly, smiling.
HARRY HOLMES
It’s alright. It’s alright. Calm
down. Calm down. Now, I understand
you’re not a grass, and I admire
that in a man, I really do.
He lifts the sword and places it across the mans chest.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
HARRY HOLMES (CONT’D)
But I need you to open up for me.
One way...or another.
SNAPSHOT. Black and white.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
SEAN
When Harry Holmes found out it was
Petre Sava who beat his
father-in-law to the painting, he
wasn’t happy. It hurt his pride a
bit.
ASH
Yeah, I bet it did. I heard he was
like a dog with two whatsits when
he married into the upper classes.
Apparently he’s always fancied
hunting, shooting and fishing.
EMMA
So the paintings all about
impressing the new in-laws.
ASH
Yeah, seems like it.
SEAN
Then maybe those in-laws are one of
the reasons that Harry hasn’t got
his own hands dirty in order to get
the painting back.
ALBERT
So he paid the McCrary brothers to
steal it for him instead.
SEAN
That’s what Dolly said.
ASH
And you sure that wasn’t just
pillow talk?
EMMA
(sighs at ASH’s comment)
So on one side we’ve got a violent
Eastern European gangster, and on
the other, a homicidal maniac?
SIDE splits into three.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.
Middle - normal shot of EMMA speaking.
Left - PETRE SAVA.
Right - HARRY HOLMES.
Both in black and white.
ASH
Yeah that’s about the strength of
it.
SEAN
So what shall we do?
ASH
Sensible thing would be call the
Old Bill, tell ’em what happened
and throw ourselves on their mercy.
EMMA
Yeah, well we’re not going to do
that, right?
ASH
No. Which leaves us with one other
option.
ALBERT
Which is?
ASH
To steal the painting back from
Harry Holmes.
He walks out of shot, leaving the rest of them pondering the
question.
INT. SILVER CAR - AFTERNOON
MICKY unscrews the torch and holds onto the bulb and metal
disc. He uses the disc to cut against the rope.
Slide to:
EXT. LONDON CITY - AFTERNOON
Landscape view.
29.
INT. LOUNGE SUITE - AFTERNOON
ASH walks into the suite where SHAUN, ALBERT and EMMA are
already sat in.
He holds a photo up of a mansion.
ASH
This is the home of Matthew
Fairchild, father-in-law of Harry
Holmes, who paid the McCrary
brothers to steal the Picasso from
Petre Sava.
ZOOM INTO THE IMAGE which brings us to:
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
The Fairchild Mansion. A magnificent majestic building with
cream walls and two large chimmery’s spouting from the
shallow roof. The neatness of the shot is apple pie. Well
groomed.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
A man is placing the painting of the cat on the wall amongst
many other Picasso paintings.
HARRY and his wife, LOUISE, are holding hands, watching from
afar. Their new pride and joy.
LOUISE - a pretty and tasteful woman with blond hair to her
shoulders, in a ruffled white top with white trousers. She
speaks with a precise voice.
LOUISE HOLMES
I still can’t believe you got it
back.
HARRY HOLMES
It’s family, innit?
LOUISE HOLMES
I know someone who’s getting a
special treat later.
They smile together, pleased with their victory.
30.
INT. LOUNGE SUITE - AFTERNOON
ASH, EMMA, SHAUN and ALBERT are spreading different pictures
of the Fairchild Mansion. A front view, back view, ground
plan, birds eye view etc.
ASH
Now, Fairchild’s already a
collector, so the security is a bit
nifty.
EMMA
That’s comforting.
ASH
Yeah, they got CCTV, weight sensor
pads, motion detectors, heat
imaging systems and laser webs.
That’s if you can get past the two
killer dogs in the grounds.
SEAN
I hate dogs.
ASH
Well, luckily, although the systems
state of the art, it was designed
by Fairchild himself.
SEAN
How does that help us?
ASH
Systems like this are only as good
as their design, and he’s made a
very common, but simple mistake.
EMMA
Which is?
ASH
Basically it’s a domestic system,
and like most domestic alarm
systems, it’s designed on the
assumption that a theft would take
place either when the place is
empty or at night under cover of
darkness.
ALBERT
Which means when they’re home
during the day, the alarms are
switched off.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 31.
ASH
Exactly, Albert.
EMMA
Because who would be stupid enough
to beak into a house in broad
daylight when everyone’s at home?
They all look around, each and every one of them knowing
what their all thinking.
Them.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
SEAN - bean hat, brown coat and denim jeans, holding a
rucksack - runs across an acre of the grounds up to a tall
hedge.
ASH (V.O)
OK, so this is all about timing.
SEAN opens his bag and takes out a bag of what seems to be
dog food.
ASH (V.O)/(CONT’D)
Everything on cue, like a ballet.
CUT TO:
The dog food thrown over the hedge and landing on the neat
grass on the other side.
ASH (V.O)/(CONT’D)
Firstly, let’s make sure the dogs
get their sleeping pills.
Two dogs sprint over to the dog food and begin consuming it
viciously.
ASH (V.O)/(CONT’D)
They’ll last about 20 minutes.
SIDE SPLIT:
Left: ASH and EMMA waiting.
Right: SEAN crawling under the hedge (dogs asleep).
ASH
Three, two, one.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 32.
SEAN
(from walkie talkie)
Dogs are asleep. I’m moving into
position.
Slide to:
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
ASH crouched amongst hedges.
ASH
(to walkie talkie)
Albert, you set?
Slide to:
EXT./INT. ALBERT’S CAR - AFTERNOON
ALBERT
(on the phone)
Ready.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
ASH
(to walkie talkie)
Emma? Sean?
Move from ASH and journey past the hedges, around a tree and
up the drive.
EMMA - light brown blazer with the same colour skirt and
hat. She looks showy and spiffy. She has a leather bag on
her right shoulder.
EMMA
(to walkie talkie)
Ready.
Move from this shot - like we did from ASH - and journey
back down the drive, past the tree, past where ASH was
stood, around a statue and arrive at a small patch of grass
where SEAN runs to and crouches down.
SEAN
(to walkie talkie)
Ready.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 33.
ASH (V.O)
(from walkie talkie)
OK.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
ASH
(to walkie talkie)
Go!
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
EMMA is ready and is walking down the drive.
Before she does, police sirens approach her.
She turns around, and notices a police car and black car
heading her way. She hurries over behind the bush and
watches as they park outside the mansion entrance.
Two police officers jump out as well as two detectives from
there black car and walk up to the door.
LOUISE opens the door.
ASH hurries over to EMMA’s side to watch what’s happening.
We watch from afar.
POLICE OFFICER
Hello, madam. We’re investigating a
stolen painting.
LOUISE HOLMES
What are you doing?
POLICE OFFICER
We need to search the property.
They all walk into the house without LOUISE’s offer.
SEAN runs up to ASH and EMMA.
SEAN
What’s going on?
EMMA
I don’t know.
They keep watching. HARRY barges out of the doors.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 34.
HARRY HOLMES
Tell you what, I’ve got your
number, fella! I’ll be straight
onto the station!
EMMA
But I think we should get out of
here.
ASH
Yeah. I’m with you.
SEAN
No, look!
And one of the detectives walks out of the building carrying
A Small Cat in the Garden.
HARRY HOLMES
This is it, I’ve had enough!
ASH
Alright, come on.
And the three of them stand up and hurry away, like they
hadn’t been there in the first place.
POLICE OFFICER
Calm down, OK?
HARRY HOLMES
Don’t you tell me to calm down!
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
SEAN, EMMA, ASH and ALBERT are stood at the bar.
ALBERT
(on the phone)
Alright, thanks, Nigel, don’t
forget I owe you a big cigar. A
good one? Yeah, thanks, bye, bye.
(switches phone off )
Alright, the police have been
tipped off, they’ve seized the
painting and they’ve arrested Harry
Holmes.
SEAN
Is that good or bad?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 35.
EMMA
Well, it can’t be good, can it?
ASH
No, wait. That’s exactly what it
is.
EMMA
How come?
ASH
If the police have it, Sava was the
rightful owner.
SEAN
They’ll give him back the painting.
EMMA
And he’ll give Micky back.
ASH
Job done. (to EDDIE) Eduardo,
refreshments, please.
ALBERT
(picks up phone)
Hello? Yes, Nigel! I see. Alright,
thanks for taking the time to call
me back, I appreciate it.
(puts the phone down)
They’ve released Harry Holmes.
EMMA
That was quick.
ALBERT
Well, they found the painting in
the house and it was fake.
EMMA
What?!
ASH
That ain’t possible. We know it’s
the original, he had it nicked from
Sava, who bought it at the auction.
EMMA
Yeah, he wouldn’t have kidnapped
Micky and hung Ash upside down if
he’d lost a fake!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 36.
ASH
So if the one Harry had was a fake,
where’s the real one?
EDDIE walks up with a plate of drinks and places them in
front of them gleefully.
EDDIE
Drinks up.
Their all lost in thought, not even noticing EDDIE’s
presence.
EDDIE (CONT’D)
"Oh, thank you very much, Eddie."
"It’s a pleasure to serve you!"
"Would you have one yourself?"
"Yeah, thank you very much, don’t
mind if I do!"
ALBERT
It doesn’t make a lot of sense.
EMMA
No.
EDDIE walks off disgusted.
ASH
Now let’s just think about this for
a minute. We have to assume that
the painting the McCrary brothers
nicked from Petre Sava is the real
Picasso.
EMMA
Agreed.
SEAN
Yeah, but by the time it got to
Harry Holmes and his father-in-law,
it was a fake.
ASH
Exactly.
SEA
So they switched off?
ASH
Must’ve done.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 37.
EMMA
Yeah, it can’t be anything else.
ASH
So, if they passed on a fake to
Harry, they must’ve had another
buyer for the real one. Robbing
bastards.
ALBERT
And the McCrary brothers have the
real painting
ASH
That’s the only thing that makes
sense.
EMMA
Yeah, they must!
SEAN
Or at least know where it is.
EXT. MCCRARY HOUSE - AFTERNOON
The strapping stone house that is the McCrary brothers.
EMMA’s running up to the house.
ASH (V.O)
The gate’s wide open.
EMMA
Oh, we’re too late!
ALBERT, ASH and SEAN come into shot, also checking the
exterior of the house.
SEAN
There’s no sign of life anywhere...
EMMA
No, they’re long gone.
ASH
Well of course they are. I mean, if
you’re just about to stitch up
Harry Holmes, you’re not gonna hang
around where he can find you.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 38.
EMMA
They must have moved out just after
we saw them.
SEAN
They could be back in Glasgow by
now. We’re screwed.
EMMA
No, you mean Micky is.
ASH
No, wait, wait. If you were going
to give Harry Holmes a fake, you’re
not going to risk him spotting it.
It’d have to be near-perfect. So -
where would you go for a
near-perfect copy of a Picasso?
INT. DOLLY’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
DOLLY
A girl’s got to earn a living!
ASH
But why didn’t you tell us, Dolly?!
DOLLY
Well, I didn’t know there was a
connection!
ASH is stood up - looming over DOLLY - while EMMA and SEAN
are behind the sofa away from DOLLY’s reach, while ALBERT is
sat proudly on the sofa.
ASH
It’s the flaming cat in the wotsit,
the painting we was asking you
about!
DOLLY
Yeah, but I can’t keep track of
everything, I’m not an accountant.
I’m an artist.
ASH
Alright, alright. So...step by
step, right? You did the fake for
the McCrarys, right?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 39.
DOLLY
Maybe.
ASH
Dolly! Stop messing about!
DOLLY
(to SEAN)
Are you going to let him speak to
me like that?
SEAN
Ey?
DOLLY
I thought what we had was special.
SEAN
We didn’t have anything!
DOLLY
You touched my Mabel.
EMMA
What?!
SEAN
Tha-tha-that is what she calls her
ferret.
ALBERT
Ferret?
SEAN
Yeah, she keeps it in the khazi.
DOLLY
I don’t let just anyone touch my
Mabel.
ASH
Dolly!
DOLLY
Yeah, yeah, alright, alright. I
made the McCrarys a fake, and they
said that they’d got a buyer, but
he was a muppet and he’d never know
the difference.
ASH
Yeah, well, that "muppet" is Harry
Holmes.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 40.
DOLLY
...Oh. That’s not good.
ASH
No, it’s not, is it? So I need you
to tell me what the McCrarys were
doing with the real Picasso.
DOLLY
They did say something about a new
buyer.
ASH
Who?
DOLLY
I don’t know.
ASH
Did they say anything at all?
Mention any names?
DOLLY
No.
ASH
OK, right, well, the, er, the
fake...so, when you’d finished it,
did they collect it from here?
DOLLY
No.
ASH
So how did you get it to them?
DOLLY
I had to parcel it up and send it
in a cab.
ASH
Where to?
DOLLY
I don’t remember.
They all sigh in frustration.
ASH
Dolly! This is important.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 41.
DOLLY
Well, look, it’s all this pressure!
I can’t think straight with you all
looking at me!
EMMA
Would it help if we all just looked
away?
DOLLY
Yes. (to SEAN) Except him.
ASH
Oh, come on, Dolly!
DOLLY
Oh...oh! Maybe a gin might do it.
It helps me to relax.
EMMA hurries over and pours out a glass of gin.
ALBERT
What do you have with it?
DOLLY
More gin.
EMMA pours out a little extra in the glass and hands it over
to DOLLY.
DOLLY (CONT’D)
Thank you.
She takes a sip.
Everyone’s looking at her, waiting for an answer.
DOLLY (CONT’D)
It was a hotel.
ASH
Good, which one?
DOLLY
Up west.
EMMA
Name. (pause) Have another one,
have another one!
ASH
She’s no use to us if she passes
out, is she?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 42.
DOLLY
I am here, you know!
SEAN
I could...I could book us a room
while we’re there.
DOLLY
It was the Goodridge on the South
Bank. (they all jump up) See if
they’ve got a four-poster!
They all hurry out of the room, now with the information
they needed.
INT. SILVER CAR - AFTERNOON
MICKY is still carving at the rope with the metal cylinder
from the torch he broke apart.
He’s desperate. Not long now.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
The silver car drives down the car park and stops outside
the car MICKY is in.
INT. SILVER CAR - AFTERNOON
MICKY hears car doors open and plays unconscious.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
BOGDAN and PETRE lift the car boot to reveal MICKY curled
up, but not moving.
PETRE SAVA
Is he still alive?
BOGDAN reaches down and hits MICKY hard in the face, who
growls in pain under the piece of sellotape.
BOGDAN
Yes, boss.
PETRE looks down at his watch.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 43.
PETRE SAVA
You know your friend have two hours
to return with my painting. If they
are late, we cut off something
every ten minutes until they get
here. If they are not here in two
hours, we kill whatever is left.
What do you think of that?
BOGDAN
Do you want me to take his gag off?
So he can tell you what he thinks?
PETRE SAVA
No, no. I’m a people person, it was
a rhetorical question, I know what
he thinks.
BOGDAN
You do?
PETRE SAVA
Well, he is thinking he hopes his
friends come before we cut anything
off.
BOGDAN
Oh.
PETRE SAVA
Then, maybe he’s thinking about
what we will cut off, and in what
order. True?
MICKY slowly nods, and BOGDAN slams down the boot of the
car.
INT. GOODRIDGE - RECEPTION - AFTERNOON
ALBERT, SEAN, EMMA and ASH walk into what looks like a
reception. It’s very modern, classy and extensive. A suite
in the corner holds comfy chairs and businessmen and women
are discussing this and that. A swanky reception desk is in
front of them.
EMMA
Do you think they’re still here?
ASH
Albert, do you know the concierge?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 44.
ALBERT
Yes. Anthony...Excuse me for a
moment.
SEAN
I thought Dolly sent the fake
painting here.
EMMA
Yes, because the McCrary brothers
needed a fake to give to Harry
Holmes, not the real one.
SEAN
Which means the real one could be
here?
ASH
Well, there’s only one way to find
out.
ALBERT thanks the man at the desk, and takes away a card.
ALBERT
Right. They’re staying overnight,
they’ve booked a car tomorrow
morning to go to the airport. And
right now, they’re in the bar.
INT. GOODRIDGE - BAR - AFTERNOON
GERALD and his brother at sat at the bar with drinks,
chatting casually.
SEAN, EMMA, ASH and ALBERT are watching from afar.
EMMA
They don’t look like they’ve got
anything with them.
ASH
What room are they in, Albert?
ALBERT
624.
ALBERT hands over the card.
ASH
They’ve seen me and Ems, so we’ll
check the room, you two keep an eye
on ’em, give us a heads up if they
move.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 45.
SEAN
Alright.
INT. GOODRIDGE - CORRIDOR - AFTERNOON
EMMA and ASH hurry down the dark corridor until they get to
the door with the number ’624’ on. ASH swipes the car in the
slit and releases the lock.
INT. GOODRIDGE - ROOM 624 - AFTERNOON
The door opens and EMMA and ASH walk in, looking around
instantly.
EMMA
We haven’t got a lot of time.
ASH
You go that way.
EMMA
Yeah.
ASH runs over to the bed and lifts the duvet, but to no
avail. They keep searching.
INT. GOODRIDGE - BAR - AFTERNOON
SEAN and ALBERT watch from afar as the brothers chat to a
couple of young women.
INT. GOODRIDGE - ROOM 624 - AFTERNOON
ASH and EMMA rummage through bags and suitcases etc,
desperate to find the painting.
EMMA
It’s not here.
ASH pushes forward the cushions on the sofa - nothing.
ASH
I’m making a real pig’s ear of
this, aren’t I? All those times
Micky’s bailed us out, and I can’t
even find a painting.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 46.
EMMA
We’ll find it, it’s just a matter
of time.
ASH
Yeah, time we haven’t got. It’s
less than an hour now. D’you know
what? I’d rather get tooled up, go
to Sava’s and take me chances.
EMMA
You can’t do that.
ASH
Yeah, well, I can’t do this either.
EMMA
It’s a setback, but come on, you’re
just as smart as Micky. (pause)
Right. The McCrary brothers are
still downstairs. Let’s just go and
try to talk to them again. We can
get through this. Let’s go.
As she walks away, we see the painting hung up on the wall.
ASH is staring right at it!!!
But he’s lost in thought.
They walk out, and the door slowly closes. ASH sprints back
in before EMMA, staring at the painting they’ve been looking
for, right in front of their eyes.
ASH
Now, that’s clever.
He walks over and lifts it from it’s nail.
EMMA
(ecstatic)
See?! I told you we’d get it!
But ASH is looking over her shoulders. Three figures are
blurred in the b/g.
Unblur to reveal HARRY and three of his men stood behind
him.
HARRY HOLMES
Who the hell are you?
47.
INT. GOODRIDGE - BAR - AFTERNOON
The brothers are still chatting, SEAN and ALBERT still
watching.
INT. GOODRIDGE - ROOM 624 - AFTERNOON
ASH and EMMA are sat down now, HARRY looming over them.
HARRY HOLMES
So let me get this straight. Sava
is holding your mate until you
bring him this.
ASH
Yeah.
HARRY HOLMES
And he doesn’t know it was me who
nicked the painting? He thinks it
was you.
(he chuckles)
Sounds like you’re up shit creek
and left the paddle at home,
sunshine. And I...have had a right
result.
He hands the painting to one of his men.
HARRY HOLMES (CONT’D)
Just tell me one thing. How did you
know it was here?
EMMA
We didn’t. We just found the
McCrarys and hoped for the best.
HARRY HOLMES
Yeah, well those two stitched me
right up. Didn’t just sell me a
moody painting, they made me look
like a right prat in front of my
wife’s family. Where are they?
ASH
No idea, there was no-one in the
room when we got here.
HARRY HOLMES
Alright, seems to me you two
haven’t done me any harm, you’ve
got nothing I need, and you’ve got
enough to worry about. So get out.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 48.
EMMA looks at ASH, who isn’t moving his eyes from HARRY’s.
HARRY HOLMES (CONT’D)
Go on, sling your hook before I
change my mind.
ASH
(stands)
We can’t do that.
HARRY HOLMES
Oh, yeah?
ASH
No. Without the painting, Petre
Sava’s not gonna let our mate go.
So, I don’t care who you are. I
ain’t leaving without it.
HARRY HOLMES
And that’s your final word?
ASH
Yeah, it is.
INT. GOODRIDGE - CORRIDOR - AFTERNOON
EMMA (V.O)
No, don’t!
ASH is launched backwards from the room door after the sound
of a punch. He falls to the ground with a grunt.
EMMA
(helping him)
Ash. That wasn’t very smart.
INT. GOODRIDGE - RECEPTION - AFTERNOON
SEAN
So have we got a plan B?
ASH is still clutching his stomach.
ASH
Well, it’s more like plan A
revisited.
SEAN
Eh?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 49.
ASH
Harry will take the painting back
to his father-in-law’s like a
conquering hero.
EMMA
And we’ve already got a plan to
steal it back from there.
ALBERT
Clever.
ASH
Yeah, more importantly, we need
Harry back at the house pronto, and
finding the McCrary boys will only
slow him down. So let’s make sure
he has to leave now.
SEAN smiles and walks away.
CUT TO
Fire alarm rings. People look alerted, glancing at each
other and beginning to stand up and leave the building with
guidance form staff.
EMMA and SEAN hurry out, but GERALD catches a quick glimpse
of EMMA as she walks away.
CUT TO:
The lift doors open and HARRY walks out with his men.
He walks into the reception. GERALD turns quickly to the
side and walks away.
EXT. LONDON CITY - AFTERNOON
Various shots from LONDON CITY.
EXT./INT. ASH’S CAR - AFTERNOON
ASH is at the wheel, ALBERT in the passenger seat.
ASH
Right, like a ballet, remember?
Move to the back of the car, where SEAN and EMMA are sat in
their costumes they wore in SC. 039-041.
ASH, EMMA and SEAN jump out of the car.
50.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
SEAN throws the dog food over the tall hedge.
The dogs sprint over and consume it with greedy0 takes.
SEAN checks is watch and crawls under the hedge where the
dogs are fast asleep.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
ASH
We all set?
EXT./INT. ASH’S CAR - AFTERNOON
ALBERT
(to walkie talkie)
Ready.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
EMMA
(to walkie talkie)
Set.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
Journey from EMMA’s destination to SEAN’s in thousands of
snapshots.
SEAN
(to walkie talkie)
I’m ready.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
Journey from SEAN’s destination under trees and round the
statue until we stop on ASH.
ASH
(to walkie talkie)
Right. Go.
THREE SCREEN SPLIT.
Top: ALBERT.
Right: EMMA.
51.
Left: SEAN.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
HARRY and LOUISE are stood with champagne, gazing at their
new possession in awe.
LOUISE HOLMES
And you’re sure it’s definitely the
real one this time?
HARRY HOLMES
Oh, yeah.
LOUISE HOLMES
Ooh, I love you so much, I could
burst.
The doorbell rings and LOUISE sighs. She puts down her glass
and walks out.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - HALL WAY - AFTERNOON
One of her maids is hurrying down the stairs to answer the
door.
LOUISE HOLMES
I’ll get it.
She opens the door. Standing at her doorstep is EMMA,
dressed in her hat, blazer and skirt look.
She speaks with a posh accent.
EMMA
Hello, I’m really sorry, buy my
Bobby has just run into your
garden.
LOUISE HOLMES
Bobby?
EMMA
He’s a white Bichon Frise.
LOUISE HOLMES
Oh...
EMMA
Only I was worried encase you had
dogs.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 52.
LOUISE HOLMES
We do!
EMMA
Oh. No. Um...
EMMA hurries down the steps and off into their gardens.
EMMA (V.O)
Bobby! Darling, come on!
LOUISE HOLMES
Wait.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
HARRY is stood in front of the painting.
LOUISE HOLMES (V.O)
I’ll come with you!
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
Through binoculars.
EMMA and LOUISE call out in search for the dog.
The binoculars turn to the windows of the room HARRY is in.
He’s by the window, but his back is turned.
SEAN lowers the binoculars and takes out his walkie talkie.
SEAN
(to walkie talkie)
OK, two in the viewing room.
EXT./INT. ASH’S CAR - AFTERNOON
SEAN (V.O)
Time to split them up.
ALBERT is dialing a number on his phone.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
A phone rings.
53.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
Through binoculars.
EMMA is still calling, "Bobby!" "Bobby!".
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - HALL WAY - AFTERNOON
A man picks up the ringing phone.
MATTHEW
Hello? Fairchild.
EXT./INT. ASH’S CAR - AFTERNOON
ALBERT
(on phone)
Paul Holland from New York.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - HALL WAY - AFTERNOON
ASH (V.O)
We met at an awful meet and greet
in London last month.
EXT./INT. ASH’S CAR - AFTERNOON
ASH
(on phone)
You do remember?
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
LOUISE HOLMES
We’ve been through here twice
before.
SEAN is watching from afar behind a bush wall.
EMMA
He could be under any of these
bushes. Bobby!
She calls out repeatedly as SEAN runs over to another angle
and looks in his binoculars.
Through binoculars.
HARRY is stood in the gallery still.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 54.
SEAN lowers his binoculars.
SEAN
(to walkie talkie)
OK, Ash, one left over.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
ASH hurries over to HARRY’s car and starts the alarm by
jumping on the bonnet.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
HARRY hears the car alarm and walks out.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
Through binoculars.
HARRY walks out from view from the window.
SEAN lowers binoculars.
SEAN
(to walkie talkie)
OK, Ash, good to go, mate.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
HARRY walks over to his flashing and bleeping car. He takes
out his keys and switches off the alarm.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
EMMA
There!
LOUISE HOLMES
What?
EMMA
I heard something! This way! Bobby!
LOUISE sighs.
55.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
HARRY inspects his car for any damage.
In the b/g, ASH sprints past and through the open doors of
the house.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - HALL WAY - AFTERNOON
ASH hurries into the hall, checking he’s not being watched.
The man on the phone is stood a few feet away from him.
ASH slowly closes the door that connects the two sections of
the hallway.
MATTHEW
Yes. Uh-huh. Yes.
ASH (V.O)
Which brings me to my other
point...
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
ASH enters and looks around until his eyes meet with A Small
Cat in the Garden, placed neatly in the middle of the oak
wood wall.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
HARRY walks away. With a flick of his keys the car locks
with a bleep.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - HALL WAY - AFTERNOON
HARRY closes the door behind him and walks through, unaware
only seconds ago ASH had just broken in this way!
He walks into the gallery room, and from another direction
ASH slowly appears but further down the hallway (like
Scoooby-doo!)
ASH opens the door slowly and creeps out.
56.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - HALL WAY - AFTERNOON
HARRY walks in - oblivious the paintings gone - and takes a
glass of champagne, looking out of the window for his wife.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON
EMMA
You know, if you don’t find them in
the first half hour then...you know
you might...excuse me.
Her phone is ringing. She brings it to her ear.
EMMA
(on phone)
Yes?
SPLIT SCREEN.
SEAN
Time to go.
FULL SCREEN AGAIN.
EMMA
(on phone)
Oh, that’s amazing. Oh, thank you,
darling, so much. Yes, I’m coming
back now. Alright. (to LOUISE) He
found his way home! He’s such a
clever baby! Thank you so much for
helping!
LOUISE HOLMES
Awww it’s fine, it’s fine! Bye!
EMMA
Bye bye!
EMMA hurries up the small steps and away.
EXT. FAIRCHILD MANSION GROUNDS - AFTERNOON (CONT’D)
ASH runs up to his car and jumps in the drivers seat.
57.
EXT./INT. ALBERT’S CAR - AFTERNOON
MATTHEW (V.O)
Or perhaps you can call me at my
office tomorrow, and I can...
ALBERT
(on phone)
Sorry, Matthew, I got the Senator
on the other line, I’ve got to take
it. I’ll be in touch, thank you so
much.
SEAN has jumped in, along with EMMA.
They all sigh, relieved.
ASH
Home, James, and don’t spare the
horses!
They all laugh together and drive off.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
HARRY’s smile dissapears as he turns and looks at...the
blank wall. LOUISE walks in.
LOUISE HOLMES
Honestly, you won’t believe what
I’ve been doing in the garden. I’ve
been chasing...
She looks at the spot the painting should be, but isn’t.
LOUISE HOLMES (CONT’D)
Oh no.
HARRY doesn’t speak. He’s speechless.
EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE - AFTERNOON
ALBERT, EMMA, ASH and SEAN are walking past the fountain,
ASH on his phone.
ASH
(on phone)
Yeah, I’ve got it. The real one.
The same place you left me in half
an hour. But if Micky’s not there,
the deal’s off...OK. Half hour.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 58.
EMMA
Well?
ASH
All set. We’ll meet them back at
the warehouse in half an hour. We
give ’em the real painting, they
give us Micky.
ALBERT
But can we trust them?
ASH
The honest truth is, Albert, I
don’t know.
EMMA
What if Harry realizes it was us?
ASH
I don’t know that either.
EMMA
But Ash, what happens if...
ASH
...Let’s just get Micky back first,
and worry about everything else
later, yeah?
SEAN
Sounds like a plan.
ASH
Yeah, well, first, I need a drink.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
They all walk into the bar which seems quiet.
ASH
Set ’em up, Ed.
He nods his head to the direction of -
The McCrary brothers at the snooker table.
GERALD MCRARY
There you are.
None of them speak, they just watch as he walks over.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 59.
GERALD MCRARY (CONT’D)
Mad Dolly told us where to find
you.
ASH
Oh.
GERALD MCRARY
That was you at the hotel, wasn’t
it?
EMMA
Hotel?
GERALD MCRARY
I saw you leaving. Just passing,
were you?
ASH
That’s right, yeah, we erm...Well,
we found out where you were and we
thought we’d try again, you know,
to convince you to...let us...take
the painting.
GERALD MCRARY
That’s what I thought. So it was
you guys that set off the alarm,
was it?
ASH
Yeah, yeah, we...
GERALD MCRARY
(to his brother)
What did I tell you? That’s why
we’re here, we wanted to say thank
you!
ASH
Eh?
GERALD MCRARY
Look, I don’t know why you hit the
alarm when you did, but if you guys
hadn’t, we’d have just waltzed in
there and found Harry Holmes in our
room.
ASH
Yeah, well, you know, don’t mention
it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 60.
GERALD MCRARY
So what happened? You erm, you
found us and then you saw Harry and
his goons there too, right?
ASH
That’s right, yeah. So...we legged
it. Only we didn’t want to drop you
in it, so...
EMMA
...so we hit the alarm.
GERALD MCRARY
Look. All I know is if it wasn’t
for you guys we would be screwed.
So, thank you.
ASH
Yeah, it’s a pleasure. I hope you’d
do the same for us.
GERALD MCRARY
Oh, absolutely!
ASH
Well, there you go.
GERALD MCRARY
We’d love to stay and have a beer
with you, but we have a flight to
catch. We’ve got to get home and
make a start on spending this.
His brother chucks over a bag and GERALD unzips it to reveal
a bag full of cash.
GERALD MCRARY (CONT’D)
400 grand...for the painting.
ASH
The painting?
GERALD MCRARY
The Picasso. We sold Harry one of
the duds Dolly made.
ASH
Yeah, I heard. That’s why he was
looking for you.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 61.
GERALD MCRARY
Oh, no doubt. But we also had
another buyer lined up for the real
one. German guy.
ASH
Wait. You said you sold ONE of the
duds to Harry? You sold a dud to
the German too?
GERALD MCRARY
No, no. He got the real thing. Bid
the highest you see. No, we had
Dolly make two duds. We sold one to
Harry, and the other we were were
going to sell to some Aussie guy in
the hotel bar, but he was a no
show.
ASH
Yeah, yeah, but you can’t have sold
the real one, because Harry found
it in your room.
GERALD MCRARY
Well, he would have been pretty
dissapointed when he got home.
ASH
Eh?
GERALD MCRARY
Did the deal with the German guy
this afternoon, long before Harry
found us. So if he found a painting
in our room, it was the other dud.
Shit, I think we hung it on the
wall, we were leaving it as a wee
present for the hotel.
They all chuckle.
GERALD MCRARY (CONT’D)
Look, like I said, we just came
here to say thank you. Oh, by the
way, how did...er...How did things
pan out with your friend?
ASH
Oh, well, we’re, er...We’re still
working on it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 62.
GERALD MCRARY
Well, good luck with that.
ASH
Cheers.
And they walk out, leaving the team to stand in failure.
SEAN pulls out the painting from the bag.
SEAN
So we stole another fake.
ALBERT
You told Sava we had half an hour.
We’ve got fifteen minutes.
SEAN
So what do we do now?
EDDIE
Here you are, mate.
EDDIE gives ASH a drink.
He stares at it. He doesn’t know what to do, or say.
INT. CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
PETRE unlocks the boot - followed by BOGDAN - and gets into
the drivers seat.
The car engines start and the car begins to drive out of the
car park.
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
SEAN, ASH, ALBERT and EMMA are stood spaced out in the
warehouse awaiting PETRE’s arrival.
The following is spoken to the camera.
ASH
When you live outside the law, on
the fringes of society, you’re
always going to have days like
this. What you might call a bad day
in the office.
A car screeches into the warehouse.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 63.
ASH (CONT’D)
Well, the thing is not to panic.
Because people like this lot,
they’re like dogs, they can smell
fear.
The two cars drive into the warehouse.
ASH (CONT’D)
So the trick is to make them think
you know something they don’t. That
way they’ll generally hold off
killing you while they try and work
out what it is.
PETRE, BOGDAN and many other men step out of the two cars,
and place themselves in front of the team.
PETRE SAVA
You have brought my painting?
ASH
You brought my friend?
PETRE SAVA
Painting first.
ASH
Friend first or there’s no deal.
PETRE SAVA
I don’t think you’re in a position
to negotiate, do you?
ASH
If you believe that, it could be
the worst mistake you ever made. I
see my friend, you see your
painting.
He directs to two men and they bring out MICKY who groans
and moans. The sellotape across is face is ripped away.
PETRE SAVA
Now your turn.
Before SEAN opens his bag to take out the painting, another
car drives into the warehouse. A black car - HARRY’s car,
followed by another.
HARRY steps out of the car, along with many other men in
business suits. PETRE sighs.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 64.
It’s now PETRE and his crew, HARRY and his crew, and ASH,
EMMA and SEAN in the middle.
HARRY HOLMES
Right. Who’s got my painting?
PETRE SAVA
This is none of your business,
Harry.
HARRY HOLMES
Well, I’m making it my business,
Boris. I’ve been dancing around you
lot for too long.
PETRE SAVA
My name is not Boris.
HARRY HOLMES
It is when I’m talking to you.
PETRE SAVA
You know, calling me Boris is
racist.
HARRY HOLMES
Tough.
ASH
Er, excuse me, can we, er...Can we
get on with this, please?
HARRY HOLMES
What are you doing here?
ASH
What do you think I’m flaming doing
here? I’ve come to swap this
painting...(retrieves the
painting)...for my mate.
HARRY HOLMES
That is my painting.
PETRE SAVA
No. My painting.
HARRY HOLMES
I nicked it, fair and square.
PETRE SAVA
And now I’m getting it back.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 65.
ASH
That’s enough!
HARRY HOLMES
Who are you shouting at?
ASH
You! The pair of you! Have you
never heard of honour amongst
thieves? Some kind of nodding
appreciation amongst your peers?
You’re like a couple of
five-year-olds. "Please, Miss, he’s
nicked my painting" It’s pathetic!
And I’ve had it with both of you!
PETRE SAVA
(to BOGDAN)
Get the painting.
BOGDAN walks forward and so do HARRY’s men.
ASH holds out a knife and hovers it above the painting.
They all step back.
ASH
I’ve had a gun shoved up me hooter,
been hung upside down, and kicked
up in the air. I’ve been threatened
by at least three nationalities
while running around half of London
chasing some stupid picture of a
cat in someone’s back garden that
looks like it was done by a
three-year-old on a sugar rush!
I’ve been lie to, cheated and
generally abused just because me
and my mate ’ere were trying to
earn an honest crust when Rasputin
here went and kidnapped him.
PETRE SAVA
Hey. Rasputin is worse than Boris.
ASH
I said, shut it! Now I don’t know
whose painting this is and, to be
quite honest, I don’t give a flying
toss! I’ve had a very bad day!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 66.
HARRY HOLMES
Do you know who you’re talking to?
ASH
Never mind who I’m talking to. You
ought to worry about who we are,
son. We’re grifters. Yeah. This
bloke over here (MICKY). He’s sold
the Eiffel Tower, the palace of
Westminister and the Sydney Opera
House. We broke banks, companies,
and political parties. We took on
the mafia in Las Vegas and we made
the London Special Branch look like
the Keystone Cops. So never mind
about you two threatening us! Now,
I’m threatening YOU!
And their all smiling. Even MICKY.
ASH (CONT’D)
We’re going to make you our hobby.
Spend sleepless nights working out
how to take away everything from
you, every penny. It won’t be just
a sodding painting you have to
worry about, you’ll be working out
where you’re going to sleep at
night. Because we’re going to pick
you clean. We’ll strip every bit of
flesh off the bone.
And for a moment HARRY is lost in thought. And then he
claps. And PETRE joins in.
HARRY HOLMES
Nice speech. I got just one
question.
ASH
Yeah, what’s that?
HARRY HOLMES
How are you lot going to do that,
when you’re dead?
PETRE SAVA
Very good.
Both of them are staring coldly at ASH, who doesn’t speak.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 67.
HARRY HOLMES (CONT’D)
Now, give me my painting.
PETRE SAVA
No. No. You give me MY painting.
ASH
(to camera)
Some people never listen, do they?
(back to the others) Tell you what,
you can sort it out amongst
yourselves.
Slow motion.
Spanish music.
Birds eye view as the painting slowly rotates between PETRE
and his men and HARRY and his men, all looking up in shock
as it slowly moves through the air.
PETRE has his arms out in horror.
And some of PETRE and HARRY’s men run forward slowly, all
crashing in to each other. One kicks the painting so it
slides further away.
HARRY runs forward and tackles the men to the painting.
PETRE is pushing through, desperate to get to it.
End of slow motion.
Their all tackling each other to the ground. PETRE with his
hands in his head.
HARRY smacks one of the men in the face who tumbles to the
ground.
EMMA flinches as she watches them all fight. ALBERT watching
in disgust.
HARRY HOLMES
Get it round the side! Yeah, that’s
it! Watch what you’re doing! Don’t
damage it!
MICKY walks over to his rightful side, between ASH and EMMA.
ASH
You didn’t phone, you didn’t write.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 68.
MICKY
(laughs)
Sorry, mate, I’ve been a bit tied
up. Oooh! Is that who I think it
is?
ASH
Harry Holmes, yeah.
MICKY
Good job he turned up.
ASH
Yeah, well...I phoned him.
MICKY
You phoned him?
ASH
Yeah?
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
Spanish music continues.
PREVIOUS MATERIAL.
SEAN
So what are we going to do now?
NEW MATERIAL.
ASH dials a number on his phone and waits for an answer
whilst downing the whiskey.
ASH
(Scottish accent)
Hello, Harry. Would you be
interested to know who the McCrary
boys were working for when they
double-crossed you? Aye, I do know.
Have you got a pen?
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
Spanish music continues.
HARRY HOLMES
Just watch the painting, will ya?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 69.
MICKY
They don’t seem to like each other
very much.
ASH
No, well, I er...I phoned the other
one ’an all.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - AFTERNOON
Spanish music continues.
ASH
(Russian accent)
Harry Holmes. Yes, he cheated a
friend of mine. So when I found out
he stole your painting, I thought
it right to call you.
INT. DESERTED WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
Spanish music continues.
ASH
And I phoned the old Bill encase it
went pear-shaped. They should be
here any minute.
PETRE and HARRY are now both holding the painting, pulling
and shoving at it in frustration. And then, one of the men
falls over and his shoe crashes straight through the
painting.
Spanish music slowly fades away.
EMMA
Ohhhh.
MICKY
Is...that the real Picasso?
ASH
Oh, no, no. No, that’s a fake.
HARRY and PETRE now start tackling each other to the ground
comically, punching and hitting each other.
MICKY
Guys. Can I...Can I ask a question?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 70.
EMMA
Yeah, yeah.
MICKY
I mean, I don’t want to sound
ungrateful or anything.
ASH
No, it’s OK.
MICKY
But wouldn’t it have been simpler
to get the real painting?
SEAN, ASH, EMMA and ALBERT both turn and give MICKY a cold
look.
Police sirens are whirring in the background now.
MICKY (CONT’D)
It’s OK..
EXT. LONDON CITY - NIGHT
Various clips and shots of London City.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - NIGHT
EDDIE is handing out champagne glasses to everyone.
ASH
Cheers, Ed.
MICKY
Thank you.
They are sat in their regular positions in their usual
booth.
SEAN
So, no-one’s looking for us?
ASH
No. No, you see, they both thought
that the original was damaged in
the fight at the warehouse.
71.
INT. DOLLY’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
DOLLY hands a painting to PETRE and a painting to HARRY,
both of A Small Cat in the Garden.
ASH (V.O)
But neither Petre Sava nor Harry
Holmes could afford to lose face.
DOLLY points to her cheeks and they both kiss her with a
sigh.
ASH (V.O)/(CONT’D)
So the only way they could save
face was to have a fake each.
INT. FAIRCHILD MANSION - EXHIBITION GALLERY ROOM - AFTERNOON
LOUISE and HARRY are stood next to MATTHEW who is holding
the painting.
ASH (V.O)
That way, they could both say they
won and honor is restored.
INT. PETRE SAVA’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
PETRE is making BOGDAN place the painting on the wall, he
issues it to the left and right with a wiggle of his
fingers.
EMMA (V.O)
And they both get to live happily
ever after.
ASH (V.O)
Well, yeah, you know, happy as they
can be.
INT. EDDIE’S BAR - NIGHT
ALBERT
It seems the only winners are the
McCrary brothers.
SEAN
Tell me about it. They just walked
off with 400 grand.
The phone rings and EDDIE hurries off to answer.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 72.
EMMA
Whoa, they might get to go with all
the money but we got something much
more precious. We got Micky back.
ASH
Oh, yes, that’s true.
MICKY
Yeah. Ah. Thanks, guys.
EMMA
You can’t put a price on
friendship.
ASH
No but if you could, it’d be about
400 grand.
EMMA
Ignore him - he was beside himself
when you were gone. He was taking
all the blame, he was full of
self-loathing. It was just, really
heartbreaking to watch.
ASH
Yeah, yeah.
MICKY
Well, we made no money, but apart
from the odd bruise, everything
turned out OK.
ALBERT
Yes, it did.
SEAN
Ash, I’ve got to ask you, did you
really lose it with those gangsters
at the warehouse?
ASH
Well, we hadn’t got a lot of
options at that point, so I thought
I’d do a bit of Micky waffle.
EMMA
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
MICKY
Micky waffle?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 73.
ASH
Yeah, you know that thing where you
talk a lot but don’t actually say
anything.
MICKY
Sorry, no, I do not "waffle"!
SEAN
You do a bit.
MICKY
When?
ASH
Usually when you know you’re wrong
but you won’t admit it.
MICKY
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but that’s
far from waffling, that’s just my
way of presenting a reasoned
argument. A way of putting forward
the facts, which in the main, Ash,
I’m sorry to say, is something you
fail to do. You prefer to use
emotional rhetoric littered with
expletives to make your point. No,
it’s true, it’s true. That was not
"waffling"! I wish you left me in
the boot now.
ASH
Well, it can be arranged.
EDDIE
Brought you tomorrow’s papers.
ALL
Cheers Eddie.
EDDIE
Erm, that was that Dolly bird
again. I was going to give you a
shout but you were waffling.
ASH
Cheers, Ed.
MICKY
I wasn’t waffling.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 74.
EMMA
Course not.
EDDIE
Erm...this Dolly...she sounds a bit
alright on the phone. What’s she
like?
ASH
Oh, now...now...she is special.
EDDIE
Yeah? Is she a looker?
SEAN
Oh...definitely.
ALBERT
She’s a looker.
ASH
Got a lovely set of teeth, hasn’t
she, Sean?
SEAN
Amazing.
DOLLY
Only we had a little bit of a chat.
We got on like a house on fire.
Think she was flirting a bit when
she, er...rang earlier, you know,
she said she liked me accent and
that so, er, so you know...might
have a crack at it like.
EMMA
It?
EDDIE
Yeah, yeah, you don’t mind do you?
I don’t want to tread on anyone’s
toes.
ALL
Good for you/go for "it".
EDDIE
Yeah? She’s invited me round for a
drink.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 75.
ALBERT
Edward. This is a match made in
heaven.
EDDIE
You think so?
ASH
Absolutely. You knock yourself out,
son.
EDDIE
Cheers, guys. I’ll let you know how
I get on.
He walks away with a smile.
EMMA
Do you think that was a bit cruel?
ASH
(reading newspaper)
Yeah, probably.
MICKY
Oh, listen to this. It says here
that a Mondrian was stolen from a
gallery in Central London, and it’s
valued at £2.3 million. Doesn’t
Tucker still do fake Mondrians?
They all stare at him coldly.
MICKY (CONT’D)
It was a joke.
ALL
Yeah!
MICKY
Should’ve seen your faces.
ASH
Oi.
SNAPSHOT of MICKY laughing pleasantly.
Then fade to black.
CUT TO TITLES. (END OF SE.8 EP.2)