8 ways to banish bullying

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Care.com 2011 | Proprietary & Confidential 1 July 2011 8 Ways to Banish Bullying Care.com

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Transcript of 8 ways to banish bullying

Page 1: 8 ways to banish bullying

Care.com 2011 | Proprietary & Confidential 1July 2011

8 Ways to Banish Bullying

Care.com

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Care.com 2011 | Proprietary & Confidential 2July 2011

How to Learn What's Going On

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How to Learn What's Going On

• Support your child. – While the mere thought of someone else's child

bullying yours might be enough to make you see red, it's important to remain calm.

– Don't interrogate your child and don't hijack her electronics -- or her life, for that matter.

– Instead, tell her, in an easy and relaxed manner, that you've noticed this change. Ask if anything is up.

– Don't push her to talk until she's ready. • Kristin*, the mother of a 12-year old bullying victim learned

this firsthand: "I found the more that I prodded my son for details, the less he would tell me."

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Investigate

• So you've stayed calm and casual, but your child still hasn't opened up to you. What now? – Try approaching someone else who is close to your

child, like a sibling or a nanny. Express your concerns and ask if your child has told him or her anything.

– Sometimes a kid wants to protect their parents from bad news and from worrying, so they'll tell someone else

– When all else fails, approach your child very directly. Explain why you're worried and ask that your child talk to another trusted adult, if they refuse to speak to you.

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Take a deep breath

• Your encouragement to open up will most likely encourage him to come to you with his story.

• The situation may upset you, but it is vital that you don't get too emotional.

• Listen. • Be empathetic. • Show your child that this is a safe space.• If you become very angry or distressed, your child will

feel overwhelmed -- if his parent can't handle this, how can he?

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How to Handle a Bullying Situation

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Normalize

• Bullying can knock over your child's budding self-esteem and confidence.

• It's important to show that bullying is -- unfortunately -- a normal experience.

• Point to famous and respected role models who have survived teasing, taunting, and worse.

• Share your own stories. Watch Mean Girls or The Breakfast Club.

• Read a book like The Hundred Dresses.

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Create a plan together

• Rather than taking matters into your own hands, sit down with your child -- even at a very young one -- and decide what steps to take together.

• You don't want your child to feel that he has lost control of the situation.

• Remember that your child likely fears the bully and probably doesn't want to end up face-to-face with him, even with teachers present.

• Teachers can monitor the situation and discipline as they see fit -- without ever revealing your child as the one who "tattled.

• If you are worried for his safety or if the situation seems more serious than he's letting on, do feel free to approach the school yourself.

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Make new friends

• Find an extracurricular activity for your child outside of school or go to a new playground, where he can meet new people who haven't seen him bullied at school.

• Befriending other kids will help boost his self-confidence, and just hanging out with kids who don't know about his situation will help him to forget about it -- if only for a couple of hours.

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Attack on all fronts

• What if the school isn't doing enough? Get the police involved. They probably won't put the bully in jail, but they can monitor the situation through increased a presence in your neighborhood and help you obtain a restraining order.

• If that seems extreme, try meeting with the parents of the bully. Arrange to meet for coffee.

• If not, ask the school to help arrange a meeting on neutral territory.

• Otherwise: Get other parents involved. Put it on the agenda of town meetings and school board discussions.

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Don't let your kid attack the bully

• Don’t become part of the problem• In schools today, when kids get involved in any physical

altercation, they can face consequences even if they didn't start it. – Furthermore, the bully might lie to administrators

about who started the fight and why. It's better to avoid that situation altogether. Always try to use words first - and not angry ones.

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Talk to other moms

• Seeing your child hurt and upset will hurt and upset you, so do remember take some time for yourself. – Have a mom's night out. – Start a discussion on an online parenting forum, like

one of our groups. – Consider taking yourself to a counselor, or going to

one as a family. – Go away for a weekend together and refrain from

mentioning the situation even once. • Know that you'll live that way again.

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Learn More

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