'45' : A Catalogue of Ninjas
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Transcript of '45' : A Catalogue of Ninjas
FourtyFive
45
FourtyFive
Whether you require someone to help you repair your computer, assassinate your house mate for stealing your milk or someone to simply help save the day, there is always a ninja available in a place near you.
‘45’ is a catalogue containing the profiles and specifications of some of the worlds best ninjas. For the first time, each ninja’s abilities and skills are revealed so that you can pick the right one for the mission.
FourtyFive
FourtyFive
I am a heroic ninja with 21 years of experience, I was conceived souly for this purpose and I trained as an embryo. I am easy to work with as long as you don’t want to talk to me. My missions are all kept private and confidential unless it’s funny. I am efficient and therefore need little time to carry out missions. I am currently based in north England but I can be with you in a second.
Hiring info
Cost:/ £3500 per mission
Availability://Every weekday, 11:59pm - 12:01am
Special requirement:///Will only communicate through writing
Abilities / Skills:/
- Crocheting- Cutting hair- Making toast- Sleeping with my eyes open- Smelling- Being nosey- Walking backwards- Lying
Specialist abitlities://
- Comouflage to my environment- Animal sounds- Hearing people’s thoughts- Moving at the speed of light
Name:/ Ace Thriller ToyAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// 21
FourtyFive
I’m the most physically developed one year old ninja this side of the universe. I will use my lack of fear, a weakness that only the adult ninjas are affected by to walk into peril and escape victorious. In 11 months I have perfected the art of being a ninja while still being breast fed. Imagine what I can do when I get my juice cup!
Seriously though, I’ll f*** your s*** up!
Seriously
Hiring info
Cost:/ 1 box of Rusks and fresh breast milk
Availability://Saturday & Sunday 10am - 2pm
Special requirement:///Spare ninja uniform (black) just in case I have an ‘accident’
Abilities / Skills:/
- Can burp the alphabet- Level 48 on Halo 3- Ride a bike with one hand- Professional sleeper
Specialist abitlities://
- Master of disguise- Black belt in baby - karate- Speed of a baby cheetah- Creator of the baby death punch
Name:/ Baby Killer aka B KillaAge:// 1 Years Experience:/// 11 months
FourtyFive
Quick (When needs to be) Deadly (Depending if I have breakfast) Not one to be messed with. Can mow lawns fast. Pretty good at hide & seek (Only if I’m counting)
Hiring info
Cost:/ About 3 - 4 peanuts
Availability://7 days a week excluding weekends
Special requirement:///Marc Redhead is real
Abilities / Skills:/
- Flick pencils
Specialist abitlities://
- Confused technique (fighting style) - Mind reading
Name:/ Buttkick BoysieAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// 19 & 11 months
FourtyFive
Straight from the top of the class at the best ninja academy in the whole world. I am a master of stealth, accuracy and whoop ass that will guarantee your targets are taken care of in the fastest, most efficient way
Hiring info
Cost:/ £10,000 per head
Availability://Fridays (most of them)
Special requirement:///Wants paing in Amazon gift vouchers. Can only kill from distance
Abilities / Skills:/
- The ability to jump to th e worst possible conclusion in a single bound- Making cheese on roast- Procrastinating- Doodling- Origami- Making boxes- Able to trip over nothing- Paper craft- I have good aim archery
Specialist abitlities://
- Invisibility- Gravity defying laser vision
Name:/ Crazy Eyes JacksonAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 2
FourtyFive
I am living my 12th life, as I have the ability to reincarnate. I don’t believe in grading toughness or ability. But I did one time tackle a fully grown giraffe with my bare hands. All the main assassinations that have hap-pened in the past 900 years, I did. Archduke Franz Ferdinand, JFK, John Lennon.
Hiring info
Cost:/ 1 box of Rusks and fresh breast milk
Availability://Saturday & Sunday 10am - 2pm
Special requirement:///Spare ninja uniform (black) just in case I have an ‘accident’
Abilities / Skills:/
- World class snowboarder- Eat a burger in 3 seconds flat- Elegantly fold napkins- Fluent in every language ever- I have the ability to kill Chuck Norris
Specialist abitlities://
- Bo- staff skills- Nunchuck skills- Throwing star skills- Sword skills- Fly- Reincarnation- Hadouken punch- Freerunning
Name:/ CrutchAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// 923
FourtyFive
Great at everything, I come in use in many situations. As growing up I would protect and defent all the people in my area using my sly creep-ing and killing skills and my great reflexes. Adapting to my surrounding colours in order to hide, is my favou-rite ability. Whether it is so I can nick food from my local Mc’Donalds or just being naughty and cheeky around the Leeds area, I can always find fun things to do
Hiring info
Cost:/ 3 packets of Wotsits and a block of cheese
Availability://All my sunday - the holy day
Special requirement:///Lamb chops required upon arrival
Abilities / Skills:/
- Change colour- Stretchy arms- Make foghorn noises- Run incredible speeds- Peel an onion withouth crying- Freestyle dancer- Heavy weight wrestler
Specialist abitlities://
- I can disappear
Name:/ Danger FentonAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 0.5
FourtyFive
A highly trained ninja specialising in the art of stealth hot beverage delivery. With the ability to pause time + boil liquids instantly to the perfect temerature. Any unwelcome forces will be destroyed with expert karate skills. Travelling stealth via mountain bike in the shadows, and relaxes with meditation. The only sign of my presence will be a photography of my little finger left at the scene. And the bill!
Hiring info
Cost:/ What I feel necessary
Availability://Whenever my services are required
Abilities / Skills:/
- Tea making- Mountain biking- Photography- Meditation
Specialist abitlities://
- Floating- Karate (expert)- Pausing time- ‘Heat hands’
Name:/ Darjeeling RaitoAge:// 21 Years Experience:/// 20
FourtyFive
Hire me! Distraction ninja! Smoke bombs ha ha! Need assassin? Choose me! I am ninja star! haha!
Hiring info
Cost:/ £50 per joke
Availability://Sundays
Special requirement:///Paid in paper stars in gold cases
Abilities / Skills:/
- Origami- Aussie rules football- Slapping- Poetry- Sleeping- DJ
Specialist abitlities://
- Ninja star- Levitation- Dragon punch- Hyper sleep- Crawl attack
Name:/ DecoyAge:// 32Years Experience:/// 32
FourtyFive
Seen as a normal person by the eye. Being ginger with a firey temper makes my fighting ability hard to match. Once you go Ginja you won’t want another ninja!
Hiring info
Cost:/ Got a sister or a mother?
Availability://8 days a week - Overtime
Abilities / Skills:/
- Ask your mum
Specialist abitlities://
- Practically invisible- Faster than a speeding bullet- Walk on water- Sleep with one eye open
Name:/ Ginja NinjaAge:// 20 Years Experience:/// More than you
FourtyFive
100% success rate. Professional job, no mess and no hassle
No limits
Hiring info
Cost:/ Depends on the target
Availability://Everyday
Special requirement:///We don’t do business in person. Money is delivered at selected location
Abilities / Skills:/
- Superhuman strenght- Stealth- Taijutsu- Genjutsu- Senjutsu- Ninjutsu- Weapons specialist- Disguise specialist
Specialist abitlities://
- Invisibility- Multiplication- Flying- Foresee’s future- Slow down time- Death touch
Name:/ Grey FoxAge:// UnknownYears Experience:/// 18
FourtyFive
Highly skilled assassin - I specialise in slaying people smaller and less interlligent than me. I use the 5 word tongue - exploding heart technique to callously kill my enemies. Can also do housework
Hiring info
Cost:/ £500 a day
Availability://Thursday though saturday
Special requirement:///Lactose intolerant
Abilities / Skills:/
- Speed ironing- Speed racing
Specialist abitlities://
- 5 word tongue exploding heart technique- Can walk on hands for like, a really long time
Name:/ Grey OstrichAge:// 57Years Experience:/// 50
FourtyFive
Currently based in the UK, though have previously worked in New York, China and Australia. I am a very reliable ninja, and I always get the job done.
Hiring info
Cost:/ £100 per hour
Availability://Friday - Sunday
Special requirement:///Expects a present at every meeting
Abilities / Skills:/
- Drawing- Ordering take aways- Procrastinating- Sleeping- Being lazy
Specialist abitlities://
- Speed- Running up walls- Jump so high that it seems like i’m flying- Amazing reflexes- Time traveling- Expert in karate- Great disappearing act
Name:/ Helpful HeatherAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 10
FourtyFive
Got a friend who is a bit stuck in the mud? No problem. I specialise in super speedy hunting challenges for those poor unfortunate souls who are magnets for animal traps and danger-ous crevices.
Hiring info
Cost:/ Depending on which limbs are trapped. eg: Leg = £60Head = £180Finger = £5
Availability://Evenings & weekends
Special requirement:///Handmade gifts and invites to din-ners, parties and holidays etc.
Abilities / Skills:/
- Breath underwater- Super tree climber- Can grow an extra arm if need be. - Don’t ever need to sleep- I lift things
Specialist abitlities://
- I’m actually a doctor aswell- Triple jointed - Ability to melt- Really really excellent long distance sighting- I see dead people
Name:/ HitchAge:// 141 Years Experience:/// 141
FourtyFive
You should hire me because I am a tall blonde bomb shell who can catch a fly in between his toes with chopsticks whilst balancing on the edge of a building with an elephant strapped to my back.
Hiring info
Cost:/ 34p per hour
Availability://Monday - Friday 9 -5
Abilities / Skills:/
- Stealth- Height- Speed- Kicking Milner’s ass- Pulling Ian’s hair- Brute force- Swift cycling- Eating
Specialist abitlities://
- Transformation into animals- Shoot fire- Fly- Transport- Become Fred
Name:/ Ka RisAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 19
FourtyFive
Well although I have had 18 years experience as a ninja, only 2 of them were actually on the field. The rest were spent playing Mortal Kombat so I am amazing at looking and sound-ing like a ninja. My physical abilities are a little worse for wear, BUT I DO HAVE REALLY BIG THUMBS!Hiring info
Cost:/ Hours work multiplied by food, divided by the number of kills multi-plied by the hours spent eating
Availability://Sundays 12 -2pmMondays 6-8pmTuesdays 5 - 9 pmThursdays 10 - 11pm
Special requirement:///I like fish
Abilities / Skills:/
- Pancake flipping. (4 cooking)- Drawing male genitals- Flashing - Playstation- Watching real ninjas
Specialist abitlities://
- Flying (Jump really high)- Being scary- Fighting with sticks- Thump wrestling
Name:/ KictogramAge:// 21Years Experience:/// 18
FourtyFive
The Kung Fu Bear is the largest, yet suprisingly mobile ninja. He works while you sleep cleaning the streets of loud mouth wallies. His skills know no bound and he always speaks as 3rd person. Through the day he is unassumingly shy and reserved, by night anything is possible.
Hiring info
Cost:/ £50 an hour plus a block of cheese
Availability://Every evening apart from mondays, fridays and sundays
Special requirement:///I only work for the good of mankind unless you want me to randomly beat down a Man UTD fan
Abilities / Skills:/
- Cooking- Driving- Playstation sports- Model making- Tree climbing- Type setting- Video gaming
Specialist abitlities://
- Walk through walls- Bench press buses- Run super quick- Punch through titanium- Advance kung fu- Flying
Name:/ KB : Kung Fu BearAge:// 24Years Experience:/// 1 day
FourtyFive
Name:/ Low ChloAge:// 21 Years Experience:/// 20
I am a small ninja ( often below eye height). Never seen except by those she deides to show herself to. And then she is always known to wear a red hood. As a child she trained in Malta and since then has traveled the world helping those in need to escape from their perils
Hiring info
Cost:/ A lot per mission
Availability://Every other day
Special requirement:///Prefers payment in figs and diet coke
Abilities / Skills:/
- Tidying - Skiing - Drawing - Making napkin lillies - Making cards - Procrastinating- Friendship bracelet making - Being short - Sailing - Collecting things- Pub quiz questions
Specialist abitlities://
- Walking under low objects- Incredible stealth- Making shadow puppets
FourtyFive
I have been a ninja snce the seconds I was born. I ninja kicked out of my mother. I have seen things others would never dream of, I have fought and defeated the best, I back down from nothing. I was trained by the greatest ninja there was, my father, but he taught me too much that I got better than him and beat him too.
I am the best
Hiring info
Cost:/ I don’t, I do it for the thrill
Availability://All day everyday
Special requirement:///I advise you to pick me, you will never see my identity
Abilities / Skills:/
- Clever- Ninja football- Nina design- Ninja fighting- Ninja Xbox- Everything ninja
Specialist abitlities://
- Speed - Power- Mind power
Name:/ Makin’MovesAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 19
FourtyFive
I have seen the world evolve, I have been here since the start of it hap-pened. I have studies human kind, I know theirweaknesses and fears. The product of them all is me. Basically I am super awesome and at assassinat-ing people.
And I love shoes
Hiring info
Cost:/ £200,000 per head
Availability://Anyday but a full moon
Special requirement:///£200,000 worth of shoes
Abilities / Skills:/
- I can draw a perfect circle- Throw a small man 50 yards- Eat my weight in sweet & sour chicken- Kick someone out of orbit- Creat light and dark- Kill time, literally- Can hear books- Creat shoes with my mind
Specialist abitlities://
- Climbing- Running- Floating- Whispering- Persuasion- Archery- Throwing stars- Throwing shoes- Eating shoes- Making shoes- Shining shoes- Eliminating shoes- Selling shoes
Name:/ NeptuneAge:// Older than the starsYears Experience:/// 7
FourtyFive
I have many years of experience and I haven’t been killed yet. Some might say I’m invisible, I’m a cold blooded assassin loking for the last few jobs in my career so I can settle down with my loving family. Executive jobs only pleaseHiring info
Cost:/ At least £100,000 per kill
Availability://Every 7th tuesday between 1am to 4am
Special requirement:///Buffet must be suppplied by client
Abilities / Skills:/
- Can hit and kill a target from 200 yards aways using a paper clip- Can move at speeds- Invisible to the human eye- Can make a banging sunday roast
Specialist abitlities://
Sea above
Name:/ Ninja PirateAge:// YaarghYears Experience:/// Too many, looking to retire
FourtyFive
Can make people disappear into thin air, if you know what I mean. Origami / papercraftWashing up
Hiring info
Cost:/ £20,000 per head (Used notes)
Availability://24 hours except bank holidays
Special requirement:///10th assassination absolutely free
Abilities / Skills:/
- Knife skills
Specialist abitlities://
- Trained in the Wu-tang style- Also proficient in drunken master combat
Name:/ Oliver SuddenAge:// 400Years Experience:/// 401
FourtyFive
I started training at birth and became a pro at 1. I’ve live in one whole country and intend on becoming president of the ANA. (Amazing ninja association)
I’m well good! Hire me!
Hiring info
Cost:/ £100 per mission(If my clothes get dirty, they must also pay for dry cleaning)
Availability://Monday 1-5pmWednesday 2-5pmFriday 3-4pm
Special requirement:///Any gifts would be greatly appreciated
Abilities / Skills:/
- Teleporting- Walking on water- Ballet- Tearing paper with my eyes- Flying- Freezing time- Eating Buenos
Specialist abitlities://
- Invisibility- X ray vision- Radiator hands- Turning green unexpectedly
Name:/ Pow EeeyaAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 19
FourtyFive
As my name suggests, I excel in pre-cise killings. Never without a ruler, I can throw knives to within 7mm of my target and make and incision of no wider than 2mm; my victim doesn’t even know when they’ve been hit.
I charge a bomb but my ninja theads are tip - top.
If looks could kill
Hiring info
Cost:/ Depends on the target - £1k - £100k per day
Availability://Tuesday - friday every other other monday
Special requirement:///No children under 8, sorry
Abilities / Skills:/
- Precision killings- Blade skills- Culinary skills ( mainly chopping + slicing- Measuring and marking- Killer speed- Screen printing- Screen slashing- I ‘design sheet’ my target before-hand to ensure efficiency
Specialist abitlities://
- I am a grade 8 in slicing as well as a saxaphone- The ‘Eagle hawk - sparrow dive’ is a prevision move I’ve perfected over the years
Name:/ Precision ApprenticeAge:// 20Years Experience:/// I sliced my way out of the womb
FourtyFive
Ninja adept in affecting the human mind in order to cause fatal and ex-tremely stealthy damage to set target or a set group. Also is a chameleon and has a great talent in disap-pearing and being able to make his whereabouts unkown with the added uncertainty of appearing before you at any given moment as time is not a factor for this ninja. Ninja’s of this degree first appeared in the early 1940’s in Soviet Russia and were used to alter member’s of society’s consciousness in order to bend and shape civillians to their will. We’re put in place to cause total stealthy disruptions in society.
Hiring info
Cost:/ Money is not a valid form of cur-rency. This ninja acts on cause and reason only!
Availability://Time is not a constraint. So in theory, last week if you want
Special requirement:///You’re now under my grip! Mwahaha
Abilities / Skills:/
- Invisibility - Chi Manipulation - Weather control- Mind control
Specialist abitlities://
- Dematerialising- Killing people (or goats) just by staring at them- KaoKen x200
Name:/ PsyNomadAge:// 300Years Experience:/// Roughly 2 months
FourtyFive
As a ninja, I am deadly. One seconds my victim is considering life then in a split second they’re dead... My work is done, I’m also good at torturing
Hiring info
Cost:/ £10,000 per mission
Availability://Saturdays
Special requirement:///I only kill OAPs
Abilities / Skills:/
- Flying- Gutting- Stabbing- Eye gauging
Specialist abitlities://
- Invisibility
Name:/ RaphaelAge:// 21Years Experience:/// 32
FourtyFive
I can get in and out without being seen or heard. I specialize in stealth missions. I have been in all your houses and you don’t even know
Hiring info
Cost:/ Free, I do it cause I love it
Availability://Anytime after sun down
Abilities / Skills:/
- Climbing- Crawling- Painting- Drawing- Stealing
Specialist abitlities://
- Running up walls- Super fast hands- Jumping great distances
Name:/ RinkashchifutoAge:// 23Years Experience:/// 20
FourtyFive
I am an extremely experienced and talented ninja. Initially I was trained in Acapulco where I went loco. I have traveled the world since, carrying out missions in hand craft and serious collaging. I am currently based in Leeds but have sights further afield in the near future.
Hiring info
Cost:/ £100,000 per mission - this must include travel expenses and tea and chocolate hobnobs on demand
Availability://All days except weekdays and weekends
Special requirement:///Expects a present at every meeting
Abilities / Skills:/
- Hand craft - Collage- Typing on typewriters- Collecting second hand goods- Sewing holes in garments
Specialist abitlities://
- Walking on air- Camouflage- Appearing mosionless like a stone- Shapeshifting
Name:/ RukimimkikuAge:// 22Years Experience:/// 20
FourtyFive
I am a highly trained spy + assassin. I seek out ripe fruit by day and make jam off it by night. Trained amongst the forgotten strawberry fields of Newcastle. I am a highly skilled and efficient ninja still making yummy jams
Hiring info
Cost:/ £1.50 a jar of jam
Availability://Any time! (When I’m not studying graphic design!)
Abilities / Skills:/
- Speak 8 languages- Sleeping- Doodling- Hold dinner parties- Painting finger nails- Making jams
Specialist abitlities://
- See in the dark- Run up walls (Trees) - Master in archery- Good at hiding- Read people’s minds- Light footed
Name:/ Sing PeaAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 15
FourtyFive
Silence. Death. Silence.
The sound of an assassin. By any means at any time; no money down, no mercy. No killing too small, no foe too large. Death from above, death from below, death from all angles.
Silence. “What was that?” Death. Silence
Hiring info
Cost:/ £3000 per kill
Availability://Available 24/7, 365 days a year ( Except christmas eve)
Abilities / Skills:/
- Judo- Karate- Samuri- Sumo- Karaoke- Shuriken- Ju- jitsu
Specialist abitlities://
- Invisibility- Time travel
Name:/ Soon - DiAge:// UnknownYears Experience:/// Over 30
FourtyFive
Born Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, former Bolyshevik leader of the 1917 october revolution
Hiring info
Cost:/ Free
Availability://Busy I am
Special requirement:///“ All power to the soviets”
Abilities / Skills:/
- Combating- Anti semitism and social reforms
Specialist abitlities://
- Red terror
Name:/ SputnikAge:// 24 and countingYears Experience:/// Unknown
FourtyFive
At 5, I was an orphan as a result of a local military coup, that pillaged + burnt my village to the ground. Raised by wolves, nightingales + elephants that took me in as one of their own, to give me their knowledge of survival. At 10 I was found by a group of white lotus clan ninjas. Instantly recognizing the limitless power, determination and skills inter-preted from the animals that raised me, they taught me everything I know today. To travel silently across any surface, elude + evade any enemy by animals call, to kill silently, but with strenght to overcome any physical obstacle.
Hiring info
Cost:/ 50p per mission
Availability://Any day but monday, I was my hair
Special requirement:///I require nothing else but to be given a feather dipped in the target’s spit. Or just some tacos.
Abilities / Skills:/
- Drinking sake- Athletics- Climbing- Imitations- Animal calls- Trigonometry- Shyfooting- Voice of a nightingale- Impervious to fire- Bad against bullets- Good at sushi
Specialist abitlities://
- Strenght of an elephant- Can detect life up to 200ft away- Muay thai- Lau gar- Shuriken
Name:/ Takeo KenedaAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 9
FourtyFive
Ninja from birth. Ninja till death. I have the skills of a magician, strenght of an oc and speed of a cheetah. I differ from the majority, I am a left handed assassin with the ability to kill with a single touch. Think of king Midas without the gold and you’re starting to get close. You won’t see me coming and you won’t see me leave, I speak little and my spit is poison. My eyes are pure white and the only weapon I need is myself. It it odd that I dream in ancient Egyptian.
Joke free assassin.
Hiring info
Cost:/ I’m not for hire, I do what I want when I want and if I think it is worth my time
Availability://None, available most nights though
Special requirement:///I tnod, I tnow I tnac!
Abilities / Skills:/
- Left handed - Fluent in every language- Immune to jokes- Moon walk forwards aswell as backwards- Sleep standing up- Moustache waxing- Sleeping until sunset
Specialist abitlities://
- I can sink through floors- Walk through walls- Breath under water- See in the dark ( night vision)- Disappear in a split seconds- Detect smells from miles away- Chew through bone- My spit melts titanium- Turn from 3D to 2D and back again at any time
Name:/ TashiAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 20
FourtyFive
I can kill anyone from 100 yards with a single pout, I have cat- like reflexes that would put Garfield to shame.
Also, I have no morals so I’m willing to murder anyone.
Believe
Hiring info
Cost:/ Free - I do it for the love of dairy products
Availability://Thursday, sunday, alternate fridays
Special requirement:///I refuse to work for anyone from the former Yugoslavia
Abilities / Skills:/
- Speak L337 backwards- Can take every drug ever created- Know Morrisey on a first name basis
Specialist abitlities://
- Communicate with goldfish- Bricklaying- Auto erotic asphyxiation
Name:/ The crazy world of Arthur BrownAge:// 22Years Experience:/// 22
FourtyFive
My parents were kill in our home by assassins while they slept. I lived near the yellow mountain in a village called Yishan, the village was harmonious with our reputed ancestor the legendary Huang Di who was rumoured to make magic immortality pills. After my parents desath, I swore revent until I found those responsible. The training began when I was only 7 years old where I learned to concentrate my inherited psychich abilities and practices in the art of throwing stars
Hiring info
Cost:/ Depends on the target
Availability://Not available on sunday afternoons due to my knitting classes
Special requirement:///You offer me hazelnut heart chocolate when you brief me on the job
Abilities / Skills:/
- Stealth- Warrior training- Specialist training star ninja- Assassination
Specialist abitlities://
- Telekinesis- Psychic- Immorality
Name:/ The JackalAge:// 18Years Experience:/// 11
FourtyFive
I am an experienced mercenary with 12 years under my non existent belt. You won’t even realize i’ve been there until a severed head appears on your door step. ( or any other body part you wish to have as keep sakes)
I wa trained and raised on various council estates learning to blend with the natives
I’ll also throw in free kitten + lasagne for every kill. Because kittens make everything better
Hiring info
Cost:/ A grand an hour
Availability://All of them, kittens wait for no specific day
Special requirement:///I expect tea on the spot
Abilities / Skills:/
- Illustrating- Writing- Cooking- Zooning out- Blogging- Eating- Collecting comics- Daydreaming- Breeding kittens
Specialist abitlities://
- Bluebelt in taikwondo- Shadow blending- Throwing sharp things- Kicking where it hurts
Name:/ The MercAge:// 19Years Experience:/// 12
FourtyFive
I am the new blood to the ninja society. I survived in the rough streets of ninja - ville for 6 years since birth until I was captured by Harland Sanders who took me into training. With the intense training of 10 years and work placements all over the world, I have mastered the art of chicken frying ass kicking.
My special combo is the 1 inch bast*** punch technique which I have created and perfected over the years.
I specialise in top ranked missions and I’m not afraid to fry.
Hiring info
Cost:/ £5k per day + travel expense
Availability://Anyday after 10pm except mondays
Special requirement:///Payment to be made in cash only
Abilities / Skills:/
- Tea making- Chicken frying- Eating- Cooking fish fingers- Painting- House cleaning- Typing proper fast- Branding/ identity design for ninjas
Specialist abitlities://
- Travel 80mph- Night vision- Teleportation- Throwing metal stars & shurikens- Master of the ninja sword - 10 years experience in throwing smoke bombs- Ability to poke someone to death- The legendary hadouken punch
Name:/ Unidentified Flying ObjectAge:// 21Years Experience:/// 0.6
FourtyFive
With 6 years experience I am some-times considered new into the ninja scene. However in my 6 years I have witnessed things that even the great masters can not dream of. With me I bring new ideas and never ending energy. I am not exactly won over
Hiring info
Cost:/ £500,000 per mission
Availability://Everyday
Special requirement:///Must wash my uniform
Abilities / Skills:/
- Misdirection- Lying- Hibernation- Tying knots- Spelling- Building models- Making traps- Cartwheels- Singing
Specialist abitlities://
- Animorphs- Creeping- Telekinesis- Making traps
Name:/ Willing To NegotiateAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 6
FourtyFive
Professional ninja for hire, discreet service guaranteed
Previous clients include large cor-perations + government agencies
Does your company need a downsize? I specialise in retrieving difficult personel.
Carbon neutral practice
Hiring info
Cost:/ Negotiable
Availability://Thursday afternoons, sundays
Special requirement:///Upfront payment only - Solid gold, diamonds or paypal
Abilities / Skills:/
- Full driving licence- UK passport- CRB Clear
Specialist abitlities://
- Quick deaths- Hiding in shadows- Throwing sharp metal- Jumping
Name:/ WithheldAge:// 173Years Experience:/// 92
FourtyFive
Since before most ninjas were born I have hidden in shadows. Mastered in every martial art, I have been hired all over the world, trained in various countries with main ties to Hong Kong. The reason no one has found Bin Laden is because he’s dead because I chopped his head off. I am the most hirable ninja to date, with the ability to jump, run, float, fly. I am the quicker, quieter and skilled in the art of dressing myself cooler than any other ninja.
- I have never been seen - and have never missed a target
Hiring info
Cost:/ Mars bar, lucozade and a sunday roast
Availability://Not sunday roast times
Special requirement:///Only work for chinese people
Abilities / Skills:/
- Flying, floating - Heart splitting punch - Ninjutsu- Jutitsu- Samurai master skills- Bite - Fast sprint for 2 hours - Sniper skills - Knife/ sword master- The ability to kill multiple enemies with one death start - Misguide women into bed - Ability to drink and not get drunk - Headbut (Flying)
Specialist abitlities://
- Invisibility - Throw 20 death stars at once - Spit venom- Jump on the spot for 30ft - The ability to kill with one kick - Heal myself- Speed of light reflexes
Name:/ XXXM Age:// Unknown Years Experience:/// Since 1800
FourtyFive
I am the wind, I am the earth, I am everything and nothing. You shall never see me but always know where I have been by the trail of awesome-ness. I awesome everywhere.
I am legend
Hiring info
Cost:/ 1 high five + shiny per hour
Availability://All day, everyday, 366 days a year
Special requirement:///Raybans, will not work with anyone who doesn’t love Joss Whedon, they are worthless
Abilities / Skills:/
- Gardening- Amazingly shiny hair
Specialist abitlities://
- Bone shattering high fives- Ear bursting squeel- Sorting confetti- Letter redirection- Leg wrestling- Flying kick- Can spot an object from 22.76 miles away.
Name:/ ZeiquwaAge:// 20Years Experience:/// 17.4
FourtyFive
Ninja hiring application form://///////////
Name: ______________________________
Ninja(s) required: ______________________________ ______________________________
Mission objective: ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________
Target: ______________________________Time: ______________________________Date: ______________________________Location: ______________________________ ______________________________
Contact info / Email: ______________________________Phone: ______________________________
Fill in and post to ://///////////////////////////
no. 45 - HiringNinja street Ninja VilleNNJ4 A5
FourtyFive
Recruitment form://///////////////////////////
Name: ______________________________
Age: ______________________________ Sex: ______________________________
About you:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Skills: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Special Abilities____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Availability______________________________
Price ______________________________
Fill in , attach photo and post to://///////////////////////////
no. 45Ninja street Ninja VilleNNJ4 A5