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What is a Personal NarrativeReview the 6 Traits of WritingWhat exactly is a Mentor Text and how is it used in

Writer’s WorkshopWhat is a lead and a conclusionWhat is all this fuss about show don’t tellHow do explode the moment of the heart of your

story? ( slow down the moment) Evaluate some strong and weak pieces of writingBecome familiar with scoring rubricPractice scoring papers

a true storya story that really happeneda story that happened to the writera story that was observed by the writer

It’s not about any just any old memory.It’s about a time so important that you don’t ever

want to forget.We call it a “treasure”

Good ChoiceA house fireA camping tripLearning to do

something newSpecial

ceremonyFirst airplane

flightA new brother

or sister

Bad ChoiceGetting out of

bedEating dinnerBrushing your

hair.

Is the writing focused on one main idea?

Is the main idea supported with interesting details?

Does it use show-don’t tell?

Have you ever been scared? One time on Halloween I went trick or treating. I dressed like a clown. I bought my costume at my favorite store. My grandma went with me. We made cookies at her house. She is 74. She has big dog. I like Halloween.

----- There was shade covering the line to enter the rollercoaster. That’s when my eyes got huge. The tall roller coaster shot up over the trees and the shade for the line. I silently walked to the line. The wait felt like days, but all of a sudden I was in the front of the line. I walked as slow as I could to my seat. The worker tightened my seat belt and put a bar over my chest. The coaster jerked forward and I gathered up courage. “Whoo hoo!” I shouted while we started going up the hill. I squeezed my dad’s hand. We reached the top, I squeezed my dad’s hand again. WHOOSH!!! The coaster’s force threw me back in my seat. Thump, thump thump! I bounced up and down, Whoohooo!. “This is kind of fun” I thought. Zip, zip, zip. We did zig zags, we went in circles, and we went up and down. Whoosh! I could see my friends were waiting, but the pattern kept going. Zig Zag we went in more circles. SCREECH!!! The roller coaster finally stopped.

With permission Davis 2012

Does the lead grab the reader’s attention?

Are there transitions to connect ideas and details?

Does the writing follow a sequence?

Does the ending sum up the main idea?

A lead is the beginning of the story

a good lead hooks the reader’s attention, making them want to read on

A good lead also makes the writer want to write more

It was as quiet as a mouse outside, you could hear the leaves as they swayed back and forth. As I went outside in the September air on the way to the car that was parked in the driveway. The wind was constantly whispering in my ear.

With Permission Brooke 2012

Whoosh, whoosh was the sound of the waves crashing up against the beach. It was almost morning in Oregon and the Suing family was about to rise. The sun was gleaming through my window when I woke up. It’s going to be a great day.

with permission Cade 2012

Beeeeep!! My alarm clock was beeping so loud that I could hear it from downstairs. I could not believe today was the day that I was going to Mall of America.

With permission Tristan 2012

I was grinning from ear to ear. I was at a small farm in a town called Tilden, NE to get my first dog Lacey. As the wind blew my hair, I couldn’t think about anything but this is awesome!!!

With permission Katelyn 2012

Picture this a, girl who is practically hopping off the school bus seat she is so excited to go to Heritage School.The bus dropped us off, and a few seconds later it was time to go back in time from October 3, 2012 to October 3, 1892. I was staring at the small, white wooden schoolhouse. It had a big, golden bell on top that made a pleasant sound. The schoolhouse was surrounded by the rough, dry, prairie grasses that swayed in the wind.

With permission Bella 2012

At the end of swimming for like 4 hours, I was not satisfied yet! But we will come back tomorrow I thought in my head!. As we went into our room I slipped into my pj’s and hit the pillow. We had a weird day I thought to myself.

With permission Alexa Trucke 2012

Our class hopped out of the bus and felt the warm sun on our faces. Ahhh I said the perfect day. The Heritage school teacher, Mrs.Henn seemed to go as slow as possible. Come on, I thought let’s get this day started. When she finally got over to where we were, she instructed us just what to do. Ladies in one line gentlemen in another she announced.

When we got in and an old chalkboard side my eyes traveled wall to wall, there was old wooden desks in nice neat rows instead of a whiteboard placed right smack in the middle of the wall.

With permission Allison 2012

Poor example:Then we ate lunch, Then we played predator and prey. The adults lined up , and then they said run. Then they counted to 1o, and then they tried to find us. Then it was over.

The Mr. Freeze was towering.  We got in line, it was dark outside which made it that much more scary.  Finally we got on the ride.  The bars between our heads were soft.  My dad said “Are you ready?” “I guess” I said. “Here we go” I thought.  ZOOM we took off backwards, we went left, right, we twisted and went up and around a loop then up to a tall tower.  WOOSH we went down forwards, “Can this get any more scary?” I wondered.  I didn’t have time to scream, I didn’t have time to do much of anything.  It was so fast.  The end I could finally see the end.  WOOSH.  The ride came in like a rocket.

With permission Brandon 2012A series of thought shots.

….. I sprinted off at the ball “ I got it, I’m not slow, Do not fail me now!”  BOOM, the sound my head made as I hit it on the deck. My dad rushed over and asked what happened frantically. “ Am I alive I said  before I touched my head and found blood rushing down my face. We hurried inside and put a cold rag on my head and wiped the blood off of my face. My dad took me to my parents’ room to lay down. I thought about will I be able to go to my basketball game? Will I need to go to the emergency room? Will I need to skip school? I thought nervously.

With permission Kyle 2012

…Suddenly, I heard a click! Everything went pitch black. The rain paused for a few seconds, and then started again faster than the last time. We couldn’t see anything. But because of so much lightning, we could see what was happening outside. Many minutes passed. When we weren’t looking the trampoline capsized due to microbursts. The gutters severely flooded with rain at a rapid speed. I started to get goose bumps everywhere on my body. Suddenly, the gutter just couldn’t handle the weight. They eventually broke. The water soaked the backyard porch. Lucky for us neither my mom or I were on the porch. Then, after all the rain, the storm stopped. Finally, I could recharge and relax. The clouds disappeared. The sun came with a nice rainbow. “Phew” I said with relief at least that’s over.” In my mind I thought at least for now… for now.

By permission McKellan 2012

Does the writer clearly express his or her thoughts?

Is the writer’s point of view clear?

Does the writer address its audience?

Has the writer added a unique, personal touch to the piece?

It was a beautiful October afternoon with leaves covering the ground like snow and the sun was more orange than yellow. “Perfect day to go to the pumpkin patch,” everyone thought. Except for me. I was thinking “Am I going to live through this?” The reason for that is because I had been dared to into the scariest haunted house on Rocaberry Farm and if you’ve seen it you know what I mean. The gravel road seemed to last forever, not only for me but for the whole family. My little brother fell asleep, and everyone looked a little droopy after about an hour. But there was no way I was falling asleep. We hopped out of the car after what seemed like two hours. One half of my brain was saying “come on have fun” while the other half was saying “This cannot be happening.”

With permission Cade 2012

…..As they started to blow they blew right smack into the neighbor's yard. Then I thought, do they want them in her yard. I knew I would be fine . Well sometimes what you think isn’t true . I could hear a garage door open OH NO she came outside. I could hear her say what is with all the leaves . It was only me, a leaf blower blower, and the last few minutes of my life . On the bright side, my dad will like how we don’t have leaves in our yard!!!!!

With permission Charlie 2012

Butterflies. No words were said. Nothing but silence lurked around us. We could only watch. It was as if we were at a soccer game, and we were just watching silently as someone on our favorite team kicked near the goal and won. “Wow!” a couple of us at a time broke the silence. It continued to happen. Two main kinds were there. I knew them as soon as they landed. Monarchs and Cut Wings. The colors exploded into a beautiful pattern. The moment was there. The moment was close. All of it now added up. The tree was the place that we would find butterflies and caterpillars. Since that day, we’ve called it the Butterfly Tree. It was amazing. All we could do was talk about the moment. “That was so cool! I just can’t believe it happened! Did it really happen or was I dreaming?” “Yes! We couldn’t believe it either!” they cheerfully replied. I couldn’t walk or talk. I could just think. The few butterflies that remained seemed to stare at me and say “Go ahead and tell them! You know what you should use the hut for, right?” “Guys, we need to use this hut for the butterflies,” I told them and they agreed.

With permission Katelyn 2012

Does the writer use words that create detailed pictures in the reader’s mind?

Do they avoid repeating words?

Are ideas expressed with strong precise language?

Out of nowhere a firework tipped over and spit one firework that exploded into ten. They were about knee high. I had no idea what anybody else was doing I was too busy running for my life! Vicki grabbed us and we ran to her front porch. When we got there it was over. My legs were shaking, my voice was trembling I shuddered.

With permission Carmen 2012

We were still writing on are slates as I got my name called to the recitation bench with a couple other girls. We got these old fashion books that were ripped apart some words were not even visible. We each had to stand up and read a paragraph. Some words were hard to read because the ink was fading away we all tried our best to read it. We read a couple of fables then we were rotating to the stations and another group was reading.

With permission Sophie 2012

Do sentences begin in different ways?

Do sentences vary in length and type?

Can the reader move with ease from one sentence to the next?

Does the writing have a natural flow when read aloud?

I looked around seeing the tall prairie grasses sway back and forth back and forth. The sun beaming down in my face as I strolled around the stone path like a snake slithering around. I walked into the one room school, and the floor squeaked.' “Miss Meyer you will be seated right here’’. Miss Henn said strictly. I shakily walked over to my seat next to Katelyn. We smiled at each other in silence because in 1892 silence was golden.

With permission Ellie 2012

My refreshing quiet place is the warm beach. The sun glazing down on me. The palm trees as high as skyscrapers. There’s an umbrella over my head to keep me cool. My toes barely touching the crystal blue waters. A cup of icy lemonade in my hand. The coconuts on the trees just hanging by a thread. The tiny little seashells are scattered around the gold soft sand. Way high in the sky the lumpy, bumpy, puffy looking clouds tend to give me shade. The taste of the ocean salt water in my mouth. I can hear the wind singing to me in the swaying breezes. That’s my refreshing quiet place. A place for me to relax.

With permission Averie 2012

Paragraphs are solid throughout the story.

Grammar, usage, spelling and punctuation are correct throughout story.

Handwriting is legible throughout story.

To expose kids to a styles of writing- author’s craft

Give students ideasModels different

traits of writing

Showing is more specific than telling

Showing helps readers make pictures in their minds

Showing is more interesting than telling

The dog ran. (tells you)

The large black dog ran down the street chasing the boys. His teeth were showing as if he were grinning happily. His ears flying in the wind and his paws pounding the pavement. He tongue hanging out and flapping as he ran. (shows you)

I rode my bike to school (tells you)

…… We hopped on our bikes and I bolted out of my driveway, sped down the hill going as fast as I could. I took a sharp turn around the circle drive. I thought to myself “ OH GREAT THE BUSY STREET”. My mom warned me to slow down. What took 30 seconds felt like 30 minutes. I huffed and puffed up the hill. I was a rain cloud of sweat. I finally reached Maxey, put my bike on the rack and sprinted inside.

With permission Grant 2012

We eventually got the materials to make a present. All we got were tape and wrapping paper. After we got the materials, we slightly slipped the ziploc bags into the box. We then sealed the box shut so there would be no openings. Both of us slapped the tape so the box would look brand new. We snatched the wrapping paper and wrapped the box. The tape came in again. The tape sealed the wrapping paper on the box. The present was almost completed. We now just dramatically wrote the first letter of the note.

With permission Joshua 2012

We were all seated and Heritage School class begins!!!....... The morning whipped by fast with Orthography Spelling), reading, and history. We were called up to go wash in the bowl filled with well water. I was called and I trudged into the the wash room. I dipped my hands in the bowl....Cold!!!! I screamed in my head since children were to be seen but never heard.(Maximum) My mouth was dumped open and my face looked shocked. Ms. Hillhouse(Carmen) was looking at me worriedly. I’m guessing she doesn’t like cold water. I rubbed my hands with the old yellow soap. Then I dipped my hands back in. With permission Jessica 2012

Silence… All you can hear are my thoughts. My tree house is my quiet place. Light pouring through the windows. A triple rainbow up high in the sky. A circle of trees surrounding me. The sweet smells of oranges, apples, bananas and pears that I have brought along. A ladder that leads me to a wooden floor. My tree house is my quiet place.

with Permission Nicholas 2012

My quiet place is the creek. Waveless water, no splashes, dancing in the breeze, just peaceful. Standing upon my favorite tree (Jerry) watching kids play at the park. It’s a good place to go when you are mad because it helps you feel calm. There are two ways to go. One way takes you to poisonous mushrooms, the other leads you to tall grass and a pond by houses. Even in the winter it is quiet walking on the ice. My quiet place is the creek.

With permission Logan 2012

It’s the one thing your reader should walk away knowing

Climax on the Story Arc.

Typically the middle of the story, the big WOW

….. When we were done, we were all full, but we still had the S’mores to eat. We got out the honey graham crackers, the creamy Hershey milk chocolate bars, and the soft squishy marshmallows. I grabbed one marshmallow from the bag, shoved it onto a stick, and stuck it over the fire. I watched as the white slowly turned to tan. I took it out of the fire and carefully took it off the stick. I grabbed some graham crackers and a piece of chocolate, and squeezed it all together. Then I took it up to my mouth, seconds later….it was DELICIOUS!!! But I wasn’t surprised, I mean I am a professional S’mores maker.

With permission Rhett 2012

Ending ties back to beginning.

Should satisfy the reader. During State Writing the

ending should readdress the prompt.

It does not equal THE END or I hope you liked my story.

We lined up ladies in one line and gentle men in another as we walked away pails in hand and my braids blowing behind me. I glanced one last time at Heritage school, good bye I thought good bye. We hopped on the bus and I took my seat. I gazed out the window right at the old school house. And I watched until it was faded in the distance. All of a sudden I felt myself smile. Here we go I whispered back to 2012.

With permission Allison 2012

You get a prompt to write to, so gather up a piece of paper and a pencil. Find the writer inside of you and remember all the pieces it takes to make a great personal narrative.

Now it’s your turn to write.

Your prompt is write a memory about bringing your child home as a baby.

Don’t forget all you have learned.