1998 Issue 2 - The Urgency of Parental Communication With Children - Counsel of Chalcedon
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Transcript of 1998 Issue 2 - The Urgency of Parental Communication With Children - Counsel of Chalcedon
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8/12/2019 1998 Issue 2 - The Urgency of Parental Communication With Children - Counsel of Chalcedon
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We are pleased to
the voice of the parent. fwe
can shape them into the
welcome Bob Boyd this make an early habit of
God-loving, God-fearing
month as a
new
contributor
spending time talking
and
individuals Christ would
to The ounseL Bob is a
listening to the child, then
have them be.
u ~ r e n t
member and former
the lines of communication
As a retired public high
elder at Chalcedon
are open as long as the parent
Presbyterian Church. He
school principal, l'have
continues to spend the time
worked often with childrenworked for thirty years in the
in communicating. Parents
whose parents
met
their
Fulton
Co.
school system in
Georgia as a high school
cannot wait until their
physical needs, but who
children are teen-agers to
teacher and principal. He
neglected their spiritual;
currently sells real estate,
begin communicating. t is
emotional and mental needs.
builds beautiful furniture,
in these early years that we
Parents had spent little time
and oversees his growing
begin to shape the attitudes,
in
quality commun-ication
family. -- Chris S revel
behavior, beliefs, and
with the child.
The Christian parent's
Consequently, problems
desire should be to
began to occur when
influence our children
the child became
in every way possible
defiant of the parents as
toward living the
he or she sought instant
Christian life with
gratification in
understanding, depth,
Christian commitments of
attempting to satisfy
and commitment. The only
our
children. As we read to
those unfulfilled needs.
The
way to accomplish that goal
them, talk with them,
parent's response was always,
is to be able to communicate
answer their questions,
and
I
have given that child
with our child or children n
ask them questions, we begin
everything he or she could
a manner consistent with the to guide and shape their possibly need
or
desire,
and
love that Christ gives
to
us
thought patterns and
he or she does not appreciate
and we attempt to give to
responses in living the
it. It is a sad day indeed
Him.
Christian life. Children
when parents lose control of
I truly believe that
whose parents only feed,
their child or children.
communication with our
cloth, and tell them what to
Material possessions are
not
children begins in the womb
do and when to do it are not
nearly as important to our
and continues throughout
going to grow up as obedient
children as the giving of
life. Even though
children desiring to please
ourselves
and our
time to
communication
in
the
the Lord or the parents. The
meet their spiritual,
beginning may seem
to
be
in
process of communicating emotional, and mental needs.
one direction, not many days
with children takes much
Being Christian ourselves
but
pass before the newborn
quality time and effort
then failing in our
begins to respond and
focused
on
the individual communications with our
attempt to communicate
child. By truly children does NOT ensure a
with the parent. Reading or
communicating with our
Christian posterity: It
talking to the fetus in the
children, we can know them
reqUires a devoted and
womb introduces the child to for who they really are and
committed effort from
AprillMay, 998 i THE COUNSEL
of
Chalcedon i
25
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8/12/2019 1998 Issue 2 - The Urgency of Parental Communication With Children - Counsel of Chalcedon
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parents to stay
in
touch with
good imitators f we watch attitude or behavior. In
their children regardless
of
our
children long enough, we seeking
and
receiving
the age.
Vi ill
see ourselves in them as answers from the child,
the
In our
constant
they move, talk,
and e"-lJTess
parent can shape those
communication with our
themselves. Many times the attitudes and cause the child
children, we convey our
things we see or hear are the to recognize the errors
of
his
desires, hopes, aspirations,
things we hate most in
or her thinking. f the child
and expectations.
My
grown
ourselves.
~ e r e
did they persists in the
improper
children have said many
learn them? Most likely, they
attitude or behavior,
then
the
times,
"We
knew what you
have picked it
up
from US
parent must resort to another
expected, and we wanted to
We communicate attitudes,
means of communication--
please you." They knew how
. behaviors, expressions,
the rod. He who spares his
I thought and what I would
concerns, love, hate,
and
rod
hates
his
son, but he
who
want them to do in most
character traits of all kinds loves him disciplines
him
situations. This kind of
before we know it.
diligently
(Prov. 13:24).
relationship develops over
Perhaps we should spend
Foolishness is bound up
in
the
the years
when
parents
and
more time in listening to
our
heaJ1
of a
child;
the
md of
children are in constant children than in talking with
disdpline
will
remove
it
far
communication with one them. We must teach them
from him (Prov.22:15). "Do
another. This is not to say
to be good listeners by
not hold back discipline fmm
that they always used that
listening to them. By
the child,
although
you beat him
knowledge
as
a guideline.
fonning the habit of listening,
with
the rod, he wil not
die.
Yes,
we
had our
problems
we can analyze thoughts,
You
shall beat him with
the
rod,
and
differences,
but
we
feelings, attitudes, and
and
deliver his soul
from
Sheol"
approached them with a firm
behavior or misbehavior.
(Prov.23:13-14). "The md
and
committed effort to
WIth this approach, we can
and reproof
give wisdom,
but
a
communicate with the
better understand and focus
child who
gets
his
own way
children
on
their level of
our attention on the needs of
b1ings shame to his mother
understanding. Underlying
our
children before they
(Prov.29:15).
the dialogues that we had
become critical problems.
We must base
our
was
the
child's basic
Sometimes correcting a communication on scripture,
understanding that we
child's attitude or behavior that is, teaching our children
wanted Christian
can be done so subtly that it
scriptural principles as
commitment and behavior.
is
not
necessary even to make guidelines for life. Prayer in
They knew the meaning of
it
an issue of which the child
itself can
be
a
"glorifying God and enjoying
is aware.
f
the child has communication model.
s
Him forever."
responded in an improper we focus
on
Jesus' prayer in
Communication is more
manner or displays a bad
Matthew 6, we, in
tum
can
than
just
words--its actions
attitude, the parent can ask teach our children how to
as well We teach our
questions about why he or
communicate by letting them
children by being the role
she feels justified in his or
hear
us
communicate
with
model Christ would have
us
her attitude or behavior to
God through prayer.
be: Children are extremely
open dialogue about
the
Children need to feel
that
26
i THE
OUNSEL of halcedon i April May, 998
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8/12/2019 1998 Issue 2 - The Urgency of Parental Communication With Children - Counsel of Chalcedon
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prayer is a natural and
normal means of
communicating
our
heartfelt
concerns, fears, joys, and
. desires to our Lord Jesus
Christ. One exciting aspect
of
teaching children to pray is
to show them how God
answers prayer. As parents,
we must talk with
our
children about
our
prayer
. requests
and how
God has
answered those prayers.
We
must always give God credit
for everything that happenS
in our lives or the life of the
family.
There are times that
God brings calamity (Isa.
45:5-7) for purposes that
only
He
knows or chooses to
reveal to us in due time.
Children need to know,
understand,
and
experience
this biblical principle and see
the
parents modeling a
God-honoring response.
As
our children grow older
and leave home,
our
communication with them
must
continue
in
a very
open, deliberate manner.
Regular conversations with
them
either in person or on
the
phone are necessary. If
we discover some area that
needs special attention,
certainly we
must
talk with
them
in person--face
to face.
One
can better communicate
concern, sympathY; or
joy
with
facial expressions, voice
inflections,
and
tears of joy or
sadness in a private
face
to
face conversation. Under
no
circumstances must we pry
into their private lives unless
sin and the breaking of God's
law are a factor. We use these
opportunities to help them
think through situations or
behaviors and to exhort them
to seek Gods will through
prayer
and
scripture reading.
By being a model
communicator with
our
children from conception to
the grave, we have the
opportunity to influence
communication with
generations to come. We
must constantly exhort our
adult children not to simply
match
our
efforts to
communicate, but to improve
upon
them with their
children. Naturally; we want
to influence the many
generations after us with the
biblical principles of
Reformed Christian doctrine.
Only through prayer and the
constant feeding upon Gods
Word combined with
our
efforts
to
communicate can
we have this influence.
We
are also thankful that
Bob's'wife, Annette, agreed to
contribute for the first time to
The
Counsel Not only has she
successfully raised her three ,
children by God's grace, but
also
as
a middle
and
high
school English teacher
at
Chalcedon Christian School,
she continues to
mold
the
next generation for lifewide
usefulness
in
the
kingdom of
Jesus Christ." -- Chris Strevel
That Saturday morning
twenty-seven years ago began
as any other until a telephone
conversation occurred
which
changed my ideas about
communication forever. I
thought I knew all about
listening and sharing; after
all, I
had
a degree in the
teaching of English.
However, that Saturday
morning telephone call from
a third grade teacher and
friend who had come to visit
us upon the birth of our third
child revealed
my
inadequacies.
The
afternoon
of her visit she
made no
reference to
her
observations
but
called on the foHowing
Saturday morning to tell me
gently that I needed to learn
to listen to my son, for when
he
learned that she was a
third grade teacher he
became quiet, refUSing to
converse with her. "Annette,"
this teacher said, You must
learn to listen closely; draw
him out, and discover what is
going
on
in his life."
As
the mother of three
April May,
998 i TH
COUNSEL
of halcedon
i
27