Dear friend(s):Well…here we go again. You probably got one of these missives two years ago, unless I just made your acquaintance since then. I didn’t really want to do this so soon, as it would probably sound like a broken record. This year, however, represents a landmark. Recently, I was thinking about things and did the number crunching and counted on all my fingers and toes and realized…on Sept. 1 it will be/is/was (choose your tense depending on which day you read this) 19 years and 1 day since the accident that has defined my life. In case you need me to hold your hand on where I’m going with this…I have lived longer as a disabled person than as an able bodied person.

I thought about all the aspects of my life that this has impacted. In 2002, I don’t know how, but I missed this landmark – at that time, I had driven longer with modified equipment than driving before my accident. I have been in a relationship (with my soulmate) longer than any relationship I had before the accident. I have had more higher education than before the accident. I have been to 10 times (maybe even more) as many concerts after the accident than before (that “10 times as many” is probably in just 1 year!)

What does this mean?? This means that while it was thought on that fateful day that my life was over…and then when I finally “came to” that I would have a very muted, if nonexistent, quality of life…I not only have been living life to the fullest, but my quality of life has been meeting and exceeding that of someone with an exemplary quality of life.

In that time, I’ve learned a lot…about me…about life. I’ve learned that I’m tenacious, persistent, intuitive, emotionally strong, and adaptable. I know who I am and I know where (approximately) I’m going. I may not know where I’ll be working or what I’ll be doing, but I do know what will make me happy, and I do have direction and place my energy towards that. What I’ve learned about life is that that those are some of the qualities that can help one have a happy and contented existence.

• I’ve also learned that life is short – enjoy it now! If you base today’s actions on an uncertain and unknown distant future…you may miss what there is in the present to enjoy.

•I’ve also learned that the MOST important opinion of you is…yours. People can be critical, judgmental, and look at you through their “stereotyposcope”. They’ll look at you and think based on that, they’ll know “who” you are… and their internal computer will process what schema you fit in to and all those qualities will be attributed to you whether true or not. It is therefore why you should not fixate and obsess on what others will think of you or what others are thinking of you. What do YOU think of YOU? Let that be your guiding light to get you through your day. And HELP others understand your uniqueness. INFORM them. EDUCATE them. That’s the ONLY way that stereotypes will break down. Every day people look at me and see the chair and the curled fingers and the hooked hands, and I see their brains finding the schema marked “disabled person”. I therefore feel it my duty to skew their schema and present a new characteristic. I’ll hand them my card and they’ll see “Dr. Larry Singer” and I’ll see their eyes bug out. And then i’ll do everything myself and feel them on the brink of wanting to reach out

and help me…cause that’s “what you do” with disabled people. But then they see me capably doing what I do…and that changes their whole perception. All it takes is 5 minutes for the interaction…but the effects last a lifetime.

I gave you a challenge in the last e-mail…here’s this year’s challenge. If you’re a person with a disability, a person of color, a person with a unique sexual orientation, or any of the many other “person of/person with” categories….take 5 minutes each day to change someone’s view about you and “your kind”. That’s 365 people a year affected, and to the best of my approximation, with the number of people that will see this letter - 91,250 people affected each year. And because I am a thorough scientist, I’d have to throw in a margin of error of about 5% (which are going to be those friends of mine that say “that’s a stupid game, Larry”), so we’re looking at roughly 86,687 ½ people (alright…the for the ½ we gotta take in to account that there might be one guy with no arms and legs) that will have a stereotype that they have rigorously held on to erased. I met some guy the other day at a store and he had some extra money he needed to spend on his transaction. He went over to the refrigerator, grabbed a bunch of sodas, and handed them to people. His only request from everyone? “Have an EFFECT on someone today.” (alright…I do my whole years’ quota of “effect” in one fell swoop). But back to the point of this…it’s not what “they” think of you that matters…it’s what YOU think of YOU

• I’ve learned technology is our friend…it’s not to be taken for granted. Some of you who are the OG, the “inner circle”, the ones who have been with me from the start, may remember my first mass mailing as a quad. It was a simple little 50 to 75 word letter I wrote while I was in the hospital. What was unique about this letter was that it was the FIRST communication I had with the outside world (save for phone calls and hospital visits) on a mass scale. [side note: I actually heard that a signed copy of this letter with COA went for $107.01 on ebay…THANKS friend! (you know who you are!)] How did I write that letter? Well, I had very little use of my arms, but enough movement to move them around while hooked up to a cable pulley and counterbalancing machine (I called it the “Pinocchio”) with my hands wrapped up with typing sticks. Therapy was an hour long and I used the whole hour to hunt and peck at the keyboard on the electric typewriter (for a 75-80 wpm typist, this was tedious). At $180 per hour for therapy, this was probably the most expensive letter written, on a cost per word basis. But, the most important fact is…I did it. Then it took about 70 envelopes with accompanying stamps, with 2 people (probably my parents) getting stomach aches from the stamp/envelope glue combo, to send it out to family and friends. Nowadays, I sit at my computer, no Pinoccchio machine as I have enough strength – but I still have the typing sticks, write one of these letters out, make changes on the fly, spell check it, add new stuff, change other stuff, remove unwanted stuff, drag all my friends in the BCC: and hit “Send”. Within SECONDS….you read it, you may reply, my home phone might ring with well-wishers (some with tears welling in their eyes), while I’m out (maybe having coffee) my cell phone might ring with other well-wishers (hey..let’s have some fun…first call I get when I am drinking coffee gets a prize! Your chances are pretty good…bonus points if you’re on Verizon), some of you may choose to hit “Forward:” and send it off to your e-mail friends (which would really throw off my estimation above)…and that happens instantly (by all means…please…if you have friends, family, co-workers who know me, please share this, pin it up to the staff bulletin board, etc…).

My point? Things have come a long way in 19 years (and one day). Technological advances have given us a much different world today than we had then….and THEN we thought we were technologically advanced. So…if your web access is down, satellite TV not working, e-mail on the blitz, DVD player bugging, car giving you problems, etc., etc…just chill. You went without that technology for so long…a little while longer isn’t going to hurt.

I’ve learned a LOT about “car problems” this year. Most of you know, but some of you don’t…this March 31 I was involved in another accident…this time as a driver. While the ’88 accident was life-altering, this accident was, fortunately, just lifestyle-changing. No more can I just go places on the fly. Basically, there’s a lot of planning that needs to take place when I want to go out, and there‘s a lots of buses being waited for and a lot of wear on the tread of my tires….essentially what life was like my first 10 years as a quad. Since March 31, much of my life has been consumed with resolving the fallout from the accident. Hopefully, life will get back to “normal” soon.

•Be good to people. Leave a good impression. You don’t know where, or when, or under what circumstances you will see this person again. ESPECIALLY when you are unique like me. People come up to me and could remember what I ordered at their restaurant 5 years ago (that’s why I have to leave big tips)! You really have no idea when you will encounter this person again, and under what circumstances, so be on your best behavior!

“So what about me, Larry? All you’re doing is talking about yourself…what about me?”, you’re probably thinking to yourself. Well, if it’s not obvious…this isn’t all about me. Some is for you, dear friend(s). I lived the life, I took the chances, I reaped the benefits, I suffered the consequences…I learned. Therefore you can use my experience and, by association, learn from that. I’ve pointed out some of the “lessons” above. Others, you could pretty much extrapolate from what you know about me.

It has been suggested to me to write a book to share my experience (not very likely); I could give talks and seminars (less unlikely, but not entirely doubtful); I think mostly I’ll just continue going around on a daily basis and touching people (though I hear in most states that can get you 5 to 7 years…they DO have a DSM-IV diagnosis for it!)

In closing, and thanks to technology, I’ll pose the same challenge I did the last e-mail…both to reiterate to the people that saw it, to allow the new people (my email list has probably DOUBLED!) to see it, and to nudge those of you who saw it last time, but “couldn’t find the time”:

I ask just one simple thing of you. 15 seconds of your time (well…in addition  to the 10 minutes you took to read this). Use that 15 seconds to think of how precious your life is and how glad you are to be alive….and what is good about your life (alright….that last thing might  take more than 15 seconds, so do the Cliff’s Notes version). Why 15 seconds?? Because that is the amount of time (I estimate) that transpired in the accident which altered my life (and nearly ended it). If I can take that time to alter my life….YOU can take that time to do something that may potentially improve yours.

Love/Sincerely/Later/Yours Truly (pick your appropriate salutation);Larry Singer, PsyD

P.S. If you’ve gotten this far and you say to yourself “Who the hell is ‘Larry Singer, PsyD’?”, you can refresh your memory at: http://www.larrysinger.comAnd also see all the cool idols I’ve had the chance to meet:http://homepage.mac.com/lsinger9404/PhotoAlbum33.html(side note: The Lou Reed picture got me in the pages of Blender Magazine this month)