15-7-9 1 International Conflict Resolution Day Calming Upset People using E.A.R. October 15, 2015.
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Transcript of 15-7-9 1 International Conflict Resolution Day Calming Upset People using E.A.R. October 15, 2015.
15-7-9
1
International Conflict
Resolution Day
Calming Upset People using
E.A.R.October 15, 2015
Calming Upset People Using E.A.R.
Add: Instructors
Add: Organization
E.A.R. DefinedEMPATHYATTENTION RESPECT
*used with permission from the High Conflict Institute
E.A.R. StatementsEmpathy:
“I can hear how upset you are.”
Attention:
“Tell me what’s going on.”
Respect:
“I share your concerns about this problem and respect your efforts to solve it.”
Empathy
Empathy vs. Sympathy
Empathy Exercise1.Refer to EMPATHY section on worksheet
2.Discuss question 1 and 2 as a large group
3.Develop an empathetic response to each statement
4.For the “your situation” – think of an emotional attack/ statement/ accusation that was made against you.
a.Write down the statement
b.Write an empathetic response for it.
*Please note that you will use this same situation for the rest of the exercises
Empathy Statements “I can see how important this is to you.”
“I understand this can be frustrating.”
“I know this process can be confusing.”
“I’m sorry to see that you’re in this situation.”
“Let’s see if we can solve this together.”
“I’d like to help you if I can.”
Attention“Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important’.”
Mary Kay Ash
Ways to Pay Attention
Non-Verbal
Good eye contact
Nod your head
Lean In
*Caution: direct touch
Verbal
“I will listen as carefully as I can.”
“I will pay attention to your concerns.”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
“Tell me more!”
Respect“Respect is the personal, open-hearted consideration of another human as being of equal worth to ourselves, whoever they are, whatever they have done.”
Alan Sharland, Mediator & Conflict Coach
Respect Exercise1.Refer to RESPECT section on worksheet
2.Discuss question 1 and 2 as large group
3.Develop a respectful response to each statement
4.For the “your situation” – think of an emotional attack/ statement/ accusation that was made against you.
5.Write down the statement and then a respectful response to it.
*Please note that you will use this same situation for the rest of the exercises
Respect Statements “I can see that your are a hard
worker.”
“I respect/value your commitment to solving this problem.”
“I respect/appreciate your efforts on this.”
“I respect/value your success at accomplishing _______.”
“You have important skills that we need here.”
Why is E.A.R. Important?
Putting It All Together
1. Refer to last page of worksheet and discuss as a large group
2. For the “your situation” (individually)
a.Write down the statement
b.then an E.A.R. response for it.
3.Role play the statement with the other person and actually say it out loud
4.Provide feedback
5.Switch
Self Management
Tips for Remaining Calm
Remember - It’s Not About You!!!
Monitor what you’re thinking and feeling
What is going on for me? What am I telling myself about
what is going on? What assumptions am I making?
Pitfalls to AvoidDon’t LieYou don’t have to listen
foreverE.A.R. doesn’t mean you agree
or disagreeMaintain an “arms-length”
relationship
Calming Upset People using E.A.R.
Resources/Websites
Add: Instructor’s Organization/Website/Telephone
Alberta Conflict Resolution Day
www.conflictresolutionday.ca
Alberta Dispute Resolution Network
justice.alberta.ca/programs_services/mediation/drn
High Conflict Institutite
www.HighConflictInstitute.com
Thank you for participating in
Conflict Resolution Day!