10 Warning Signs of Word Salad _ Narcissist, Sociopath, And Psychopath Abuse Recovery

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10 Warning Signs of Word Salad

by *Peace* o View Profile

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Published on 10-30-2012 08:32 PM 209 Comments Comments This article is from a later chapter of the*Psychopath Free book (click to view on Amazon)* . Or find in Barnes & Noble stores eveywhere!

When theyre feeling threatened or bored, psychopaths will often use

whats called word saladin an attempt to keep your mind occupied. Basically, its a conversation from hell. They arent actually saying anything at all. Theyre just talking at you. Before you can even respond to one outrageous statement, theyre already on to the next. Youll be left with your head spinning. Study the warning signs, and disengage before any damage can be done:

*1. **Circular conversations*

Youll think you worked something out, only to begin discussing it again in two minutes. And its as if you never even said a word the first time around. They begin reciting all of the same tired garbage, ignoring any legitimate arguments you may have provided

moments ago. If something is going to be resolved, it will be on their terms. With psychopaths, the same issues will come up over and over againwhy are they so friendly with their ex again? Why are they suddenly not paying any attention to you? Why do they sound so eager to get off the phone? And every time you bring up these issues, its as if you never even had the argument in the past. You get sucked back in, only to feel crazy & high-maintenance when they decide Im sick of always arguing about this.Its a merry-go-round.

*2. **Bringing up your past wrongdoings & ignoring their own*


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If you point out something nasty they're doinglike ignoring you or cheatingtheyll mention something totally unrelated from the past that youve done wrong. Did you used to drink too much? Well then, their cheating isnt really all that bad compared to your drinking problem. Were you late to your first date two years ago? Well then, you cant complain about them ignoring you for three days straight. And God forbid you bring up any of their wrongdoings. Then, you are a bitter lunatic with a list of grievances.

*3. **Condescending & patronizing tone*

The entire conversation will have this calm, cool demeanor. Its almost as if theyre mocking you, gaging your reactions to see how much further they can push. When you finally react emotionally, thats when theyll tell you to calm down, raise their eyebrows, smirk, or feign disappointment. The whole point of word salad is to make you unhinged, and therefore give them the upper hand. Because remember, conversations are competitionsjust like anything else with a psychopath.

*4. **Accusing you of doing things that they themselves are doing*

I mentioned this in the previous section about psychopaths putting

you on the defense. In heated arguments, psychopaths have no shame. They will begin labeling you with their own horrible qualities. It goes beyond projection, because most people project unknowingly. Psychopaths know they are smearing you with their own flaws, and they are seeking a reaction. After all, how can you not react to such blatant hypocrisy?

*5. **Multiple personas*

Through the course of a word salad conversation, youre likely to experience a variety of their personalities. Its sort of like good cop, bad cop, demented cop, stalker cop, scary cop, baby cop. If youre pulling away, sick of their abuse and lies, they will restore

a glimpse of the idealize phase. A little torture to lure you back in with promises of marriage and children. If that doesnt work, suddenly theyll start insulting the things they once idealized. Youll be left wondering who youre even talking to, because his personas are imploding as they struggle to regain control. Our beloved administrator, Victoria, summed this up perfectly: The devil himself was unleashed in a desperate fit of fury after being recognized: twisting, turning, writhing, spewing, flattering, sparkling, vomiting.

*6. **The eternal victim*

Somehow their cheating and lying will always lead back to a

conversation about their abusive past or a crazy ex. You will end up feeling bad for them, even when *they've *done something horribly wrong. You will instead use it as an opportunity to bond with them over their supposed complex feelings. And once they have successfully averted your attention elsewhere, everything will go back to the way it was. No bonding or deep spiritual connection whatsoever. Psychopaths cry abusebut in the end, you are the one left with nothing.

*7. **You begin explaining basic human emotions *


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You find yourself explaining things like empathyand feelings and being nice. Normal adults do not need to be taught the golden rules from kindergarten. You are not the first person who has attempted to see the good in them, and you will not be the last. You think to yourself, if they can just understand why Im hurt, then theyll stop doing it.But they wont. They wouldnt have done it in the first place if they were a decent human being. The worst part is, they pretended to be decent when you first metsucking you in with this sweet, caring persona. They know how to be kind & good, but they find it boring.

*8. **Excuses*

Everyone messes up every now and then, but psychopaths recite excuses more often than they actually follow through with promises. Their actions never match up with their words. You are disappointed so frequently that you feel relieved when they do something decentthey condition you to become grateful for the mediocre.

*9. **What in the world just happened*

These conversations leave you drained. You will be left with an actual headache. You will spend hours, even days, obsessing over the

argument. Youll feel as if you exhausted all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing. You will have a million pre-planned arguments in your head, ready to respond to all the unaddressed points that you couldnt keep up with. You will feel the need to defend yourself. Youll try to come up with a diplomatic solution that evenly distributes the blame, and therefore gives you both a chance to apologize and make up. But in the end, youll find that youre the only one apologizing.

_This article was originally published in forum thread: 10 Warning

Signs of Word Salad started by Peace _View original post

1. Categories: 2. Education ,

3. Red Flags , 4. Pity Play , 5. Projection , 6. Hypocrisy , 7. Toxic People ,


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8. Lying and Liars 209 Comments 1. Rydia - 10-30-2012 o Reply

Peace, I love your posts. Thank you!

My experience wasn't as bad as a lot of the people here, but I've experienced every one of these. He very nearly fried my brain. Number 1 especially hits home. I DID apologize after the last crazy argument and it was a huge mistake. I read somewhere that apologizing to them is like blood in the water to a shark. It was. But at least it showed me what he really is and finally forced me to get out.

1.

Peace - 10-30-2012 o Reply

Quote Originally Posted by *Rydia*

Peace, I love your posts. Thank you!

My experience wasn't as bad as a lot of the people here, but

I've experienced every one of these. He very nearly fried my brain. Number 1 especially hits home. I DID apologize after the last crazy argument and it was a huge mistake. I read somewhere that apologizing to them is like blood in the water to a shark. It was. But at least it showed me what he really is and finally forced me to get out. Thanks Rydia! Isn't it nuts how our brains feel physically messed up from the experience? I think it's sort of like unwiring from an addiction - consumes our every thought, and suddenly we've lost track of what really matters in life. So glad you are free now

1.

free bird - 10-30-2012 o Reply

Boy, 1,2,3, and especially 9, and 10! Thanks for re-posting


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this Peace! Seriously, where do they learn these tactics? The way they talk is enough to drive any normal person with basic communication skills insane!

1. Victoria - 10-31-2012 o Reply

This is worth framing! Thank you.

1. MorningAfter - 10-31-2012 o Reply

This is it.

I mean, it was all like that. I remember my head spin and got stuck and spin again in circles and I was trying to find a best way out from the situation, I was ready for compromise just to feel that we have accomplished some agreement. Of course that has started once D&D started, because before that I remember we had nice conversation, each time we would come to agreement. But I suppose that it was easy for him to come to the agreement in a fairytale story... just for fun...

They do it easily in love bombing phase as just easy as then don't do it after D&D starts... But that is the catch, because it is not that I was stuck in explaining to him basics because he never known that but I was stuck because he used to get it before. And now it seemed that he became stupid and ignorant. So I tried stronger, because I know he used to communicate nicely before...

It is to drive us crazy really. Because if one can communicate nicely with me for the amount of time, it is not possible that after some time s/he forgets basic of human relationships. ...

I tried so hard to understand what happened to him, and why he became so angry and disconnected after the engagement. .. ha- at the end i got it- it is because he is a psychopath...

1. Adora - 10-31-2012 o Reply


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This is great, Peace, I'm going to save it, thanks

1. Freya - 10-31-2012 o Reply

...Laughing so hard at the "good cop / bad cop / demented cop / stalker cop / scary cop / baby cop" expression... So accurate.

Ex-P did all the 10 on this list. Just a minute ago, I ended a "nice conversation" with him on the phone. I was laughing in my mind: "I know now what you're doing, and you're not gonna get me anymore!"

1. peru - 10-31-2012 o Reply

What a brilliant post , there isnt much writen about word salad because it is so difficult to put into words but you just nailed it x

1. Smitten Kitten - 10-31-2012 o Reply

Wow! Like others already said, this is a brilliant post! The one I knew did all of these things and so does my mother.

With my mother, number 8 is especially relevant. My whole life she would do this. We would be having an argument about something and she would NEVER stick to the facts or the topic of the argument itself. I would be reasoning with her and she would be losing the argument basically because the facts were the facts and she couldn't deny them. Instead, she would bring up something I did when I was five years old! Or something else so outrageous that had nothing to do with anything, just to knock me off balance and put me on the defense. I used to call these kitchen sink fights


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because she'd throw in everything but the kitchen sink just to keep me reeling from the blows, and none of it EVER had anything to do with what we were originally arguing about, which was usually something shitty she said to me, or maybe me just defending myself when she verbally attacked me for no other reason than she was in the mood for a fight.

OMG, though. As I was reading this list, I also recognized that my former "friend" of 13 years that I had a falling out with also did some of this stuff. Maybe not all of it and not all the time, but a lot of it when the arguments increased and escalated to the end of the friendship. Especially 10, 8, 7, 6 and 1.


Quote Originally Posted by *Peace*

I have to because giraffes dont wear mittens in the summer. ROFL at this!



*7. Condescending & patronizing tone* The entire conversation will have this calm, cool demeanor. Its almost as if hes mocking you, gauging your reactions to see how much further he can push. When you finally react emotionally, thats when hell tell you to calm down, raise his eyebrows, smirk, feign disappointment, etc. You know the drill. The whole point of

word salad is to make you unhinged, and therefore give him the upper hand. Because remember, conversations are competitionsjust like anything else with a psychopath. While the psychopath I knew and my mother do this, this is a skill my ex-friend excels at. I think this sort of manipulation also falls under passive-aggression and gaslighting. They sit there and push all your buttons until you get upset and respond in anger, while they remain calm and collected, making you look hysterical and unreasonable. And if you manage to ignore them at first, or try to reason


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with them, they will continue pushing buttons until they finally get a reaction. Passive-agressive people will fly under the radar dropping bombs on you in a room full of people, and the others will only see your explosion. At that point the offender will either smile in satisfaction, look "dismayed," or keep a completely stoney face while saying you're acting inappropriately (gaslighting). Others may agree with them, thinking you're clearly the one with the problem and have anger issues, not realizing that you were provoked to that point by the other person. And the fact that they remain calm only reinforces this perception that you're the crazy one.

1. Elsbeth - 11-01-2012 o Reply

/*3* ...I guarantee you are not the first person who has

attempted to see the good in him, and you will not be the last. You think to yourself, if he can just understand why Im hurt, then hell stop doing it.No, he wont. He wouldnt have done it in the first place if he was a decent human being. Any full-grown adult knows how to treat other people. And the worst part is, he pretended to be that person when you first metsucking you in with this sweet, caring persona. The fact is, he KNOWS how to be kind & good, but he finds it boring. Dont waste your time explaining the human conscience to a psychopath. Youd have better luck with a brick wall./

This I want engraved large onto my walls. It makes me feel

just a little bit better knowing their behaviour is all straight out of the same manual. I had no idea, none whatsoever, that psychopaths are so predictable, so similar, so very unoriginal.

1. Rydia - 11-01-2012 o Reply

I agree Elsbeth. I could never let go of thinking that if he just understood what was hurting me, he wouldn't do it anymore. So I'd explain it one more time. All that did was tell him he was winning.....again. I've heard that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. I think I qualify in this area.

1.


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Smitten Kitten - 11-01-2012 o Reply


*3. You begin explaining basic human emotions * Okay, this is a huge one and needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Ready? If you find yourself explaining things like empathyand feelingsand being nice, RUN. AWAY. Normal adults do not need to be taught the golden rule from kindergarten. I guarantee you are not the first person who has attempted to see the good in him, and you will not be the last. You think to yourself, if he can just understand why Im hurt, then hell stop doing it.No, he wont. He wouldnt have done it in the first place if he was a decent human being. Any full-grown adult knows how to treat other people. And the worst part is, he /pretended/ to be that person when you first metsucking you in with this sweet,

caring persona. The fact is, he KNOWS how to be kind & good, but he finds it boring. Dont waste your time explaining the human conscience to a psychopath. Youd have better luck with a brick wall. I used to ask myself and him, WHY is he doing this? Why is he talking about other women? Why is he telling me about things I don't want to know about? "Because I tell you everything, Smitten..." He used "honesty" as an excuse to torture me with triangulation and "the truth." And I was the "only one he could talk to" and his "best friend." After the D&D, dumping me for another woman openly on FB and describing in detail how happy she made him, and me telling him how much he was hurting me, I remember him saying, "How

am I hurting you?" (Head-exploding icon here!) I couldn't believe he would ask such a thing! He knew how I felt about him and how he had pretended to feel about me, so how could he not understand the pain he was causing me? I found myself trying to explain it! How could anyone be so dense and obtuse? I realize now he was just getting off on me describing my pain and suffering. He wanted me to TELL him HOW it was hurting me. Sick, sadistic bastard.

1. psychobear -

11-02-2012 o Reply

Oh the memories. Arguing with someone that has this mental handicap is an exersize in futility... literally... they just make you mentally exercise and tire you out until you give up.


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The hypocracy part rings so true. I recall when I would stop fighting then she would bust out one of these just to bait me back in. I stopped responding to that and her hypocracy got so bad her own grandma was yelling at her while I remained quiet.

the memories... the horror!

1. Jewels - 11-02-2012 o Reply

Just run away! I loveeee this post!! PERFECT fits to a tee. I found myself doing every single one of those within the past 14 years of that on/more off relationship with my ex. Now I just shut up and he gets the silent treatment. He tries to bait me every now and then but bottom line, that brick wall isn't worth my time and his word is garbage.

1. Victoria - 11-03-2012 o Reply

Many of us have gotten caught up in the psychopath's "word salad." We were attempting to have reasonable arguments or

discussions, when actually the whole experience was a purposeful, destructive distortion of reality by the psychopath. I sure wish I'd seen this list when I was having crazy conversations that were causing me to start losing my mind.

Most of us are reading this list because we know or are pretty sure that we've been dealing with a psychopath, whether they've exhibited one "word salad" trait or all of them. We've been caught up in a nightmare of word twisting and gaslighting, and we're trying to figure out what the heck has been going on. It's a validation and clarification of we already know or suspect.

1. Nell - 11-04-2012 o Reply


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Excellent!

Love that last line as well. Great mind pic.

Awesome!

1. Drainu - 11-04-2012 o Reply

I can relate to many of these but number 3 is huge. I can't tell u how many times I asked, begged him, explained to him to be nice, show kindness, have empathy. I tried to give him every opportunity to behave like a human being but no. He's a cruel, selfish p.o.s. every time. Sigh.

1. Echo7 -

11-07-2012 o Reply

Why do you keep using the word "he" in the article? Is this about your own personal experience with a man or something written in general. If it is the latter then wouldn't a more gender neutral term be acceptable? Because I can assure you there are plenty female psychopaths out there, that can equal if not exceed the damage done by their male counterparts.

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10 Warning Signs of Word Salad _ Narcissist, Sociopath, And Psychopath Abuse Recovery

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