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10 Creatures You Won't Ever See... Probably• Published

Sunday, 06 June 2010

• CategoriesMyths & Folklore | Mystery

Ghosts, ghouls, and monsters notwithstanding, the scariest thing you are ever apt to see is your mother-in-law. (Please, not the first thing in the morning.) They say that this world used to befilled with creatures that, if around today, would terrify you. (Right before they ate you.) This listis compiled of the mythical and folklore creatures that you will never get a chance to meet. (Or will you?) Remember, every myth, legend, and folklore has a modicum of truth in it. So, the nexttime you are camping and you are curled in your sleeping bag, safe and warm, beware of thattwig that snaps in the darkness--it could be one of our 10 Creatures That You Won’t Ever See…Probably!

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• Dover Demon

The Dover Demon, so named by the press after the town in Massachusetts in which it has beenspotted, has had three documented sightings. While the witnesses of this three foot, bipedalcreature disagree slightly in their descriptions, the three accounts are close enough to have drawn

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the interest of the press. The townsfolk speculate that this is an alien who has a disabled craftsomewhere in the deep woods of the region. Others believe that it is an as yet discovered speciesof monster that has been able to survive these long years in the millions of acres of Massachusetts woodlands. Maybe someone should leave a cell phone where the Dover Demoncan get to it. He may just want to phone home. Note, there is a tribe of Cree Indians that have atale of a creature very similar to this. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Video on the Dover Demon

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• Hidebehind

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As the name would suggest, the hidebehind hides behind trees and waits until you are closeenough, then it jumps out and grabs you. This fierce creature, which has been written about for atleast a century, thrives on intestines and is the supposed culprit behind the numerous unexplaineddisappearances of several lumberjacks. A more believable theory comes to mind when the taleclaims that the creature is repelled by alcohol, giving loggers an excuse to get drunk every nightin defense. Either way, this large monster is one that you never want to see, even though youcannot. He did not get that name for nothing. Note: If you go to search for this critter, take plentyof beer and liquor…, and give me a call, I want to go with you.

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• Trunko

At the mythical creatures reunion, this beastie was voted the creature with the worst name. TheTrunko, was supposedly spotted in Margate, South Africa, way back n 1924. One of the largestcreatures in lore, this bad monster is reported to have fought for three days with two killer whalesin full view of the African public. Succumbing to its wounds, it lay beached on the shore for tendays without a single scientific team or expedition coming out to document it. There were no photographs taken and the only witnesses were never really interviewed by authorities. I guessthe tale was so unbelievable that no one ever bothered to verify it. However, it is reported to be bigger than an orca whale with a trunk like an elephant, the tail of a giant lobster, and longshaggy hair. Lord nose it would take a lot of butter to cover that folk-tail.

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• Mongolian Death Worm

If you ever saw the movie Tremors, you will know where they may have gotten the idea for itwhen you hear about number seven on our list of creatures you will never see, probably. Youdefinitely will not see this bad boy, unless you are planning your next family vacation in theMongolian desert. This Gobi Desert monster is 2 to 5 foot of ticked off worm that spits acorrosive acid and can shoot an electrical charge through the air, killing its prey from a distance.This shocking news is startling when you realize how hard it is to run like heck through shiftingsand should you ever see (or in this case, feel) this giant worm coming. Note: Dark red in color,its name is translated from the Mongolian language as Intestine Worm because it resembles cowintestines. This information is no help at all since I have never seen the inside of a cow, even inthe desert.

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• Bunyip

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Unlike the previous entries, this monster has documentation. It is believed by some aboriginetribes in Australia that this creature still lives in the swamps and water holes of the bush. Someaccounts describe its body to be that of a giant starfish except muscular and somewhat formed.However, the most convincing evidence is a fossilized imprint of the creature. This is thedescription given by those that have studied the fossil first hand. "Sharing the characteristics of a bird and an alligator, the creature has a head like that of an emu, with a long bill with serrated bone like protuberances at the end. The creature is somewhere between the size of a rhino and an

elephant and eats people, and if that isn't scary enough, it is said to play Barry Manilow recordsover and over, very loudly.

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• Drop Bear

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 Not to be confused with Sugar Bear of cereal fame, Australia is just crawling with monsters asnumber five roars onto our list. Drop Bears are unusually large and ferocious Koala bears thathang out in treetops waiting for unsuspecting victims to stroll by. They attack and devour bydropping out of the tree on the poor stroller's head. The only defense against these monsters is todo something silly like wearing a fork in your hair or spreading toothpaste behind your ears,(which they hate) According to the legend, the only other defense against the Drop Bear is tohold a screwdriver over your head, thus impaling them when they drop onto you. (seriously)

More details about the Drop Bear :)

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• Chupacabra

It is kind of disappointing to know that this creature, reportedly the size of a small bear, with bigsharp teeth and a row of jagged spines from the back of the neck to the tip of its tail is onlyknown for sucking the blood…, of goats. Yeah, I know, big deal, right? First seen in PuertoRico, this wide-ranging goatsucker was also spotted in the U.S. where it upgraded its appetite toother farm animals. Note: This monster might have a Jewish Education, as it has not beenreported to suck on any pigs…, yet.

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• Nessie

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Perhaps the most famous of all would be mythical creatures is the Loch Ness Monster. The firstreported sighting of this Scottish Highlands water dweller was back in the 7th century. In thewritings about the life of Saint Columbia, while walking along the shore, the Saint, and hisfollowers came across the locals burying the remains of a well chewed upon friend. They told theSaint that a monster in the Loch had caught the man while swimming and attacked him. SaintColumbia sent one of his followers into the water with instructions to swim across. Sure enough, Nessie, waiting, pursued the swimmer. Saint Christopher, making the sign of the cross,admonished the creature whom, it is reported, was pulled back as if by reins. The Loch NessMonster has been thoroughly sought by many well-known individuals who have never captured

a shred of solid evidence of its existence. (Or have they?) I have it on good authority that Nessiewas spotted coming out of a local hotspot with Jessica Simpson.

Yet another spotting!

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• Yeti

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There are countless sightings and documentation of this famous creature that go back for centuries. Many famous explorers of the Himalayans have reportedly seen it, found hair andfecal samples, and even filmed it. The film, however, has since been proven as a hoax, fabricated by the producers of a film documenting the search for the Yeti, to increase the ratings. (Which itsucceeded in doing) Every shred of evidence ever found and submitted to testing has come back as either inconclusive or belonging to a mountain goat. The footprints were manufactured,fabricated, or were another animals prints that had distorted during the day and the melting snow.There is one piece of evidence that the authorities and scientist have overlooked which proves beyond any doubt that the Yeti exists. This evidence, seen by millions and yet ignored byscientist is so convincing as to put to bed any nay Sayers opinions. Eventually, someone in thescientific community will see this evidence and will have to acknowledge its validity. As for now, the rest of us will continue to keep this evidence safe in our hearts as we watch it everyyear. The Yeti, otherwise known as the Abominable Snowman, was pushed over a mountain byYukon Cornelius, survived, had his teeth pulled out by an elf dentist, and now is the official Star  placer on Santa's North Pole Christmas tree every year. Sheesh, you would think these scientistswould watch a little TV.

See for yourself (Yukon Cornelius is the guy with the pick)

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• Bigfoot

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Sasquatch is another name for this hairy, Yeti-like creature that is found (or not found) in thePacific North West and Parts of Canada. All evidence of this creature has been either discreditedor dismissed by the scientific community. However, the sheer number of sightings by peoplewho cannot be either discredited or dismissed is disquieting. One thing is certain, if Bigfoot doesexist, he wants to be left alone. If you were to assume, for the sake of argument, that he is real,

and then look at the evidence subjectively, it appears that humankind's growing population has pushed the animal to the very tops of regional mountains and very soon, he will no longer beable to hide from scrutiny. In other words, time will tell!