10 CONFESSIONS OF A SLEEP TECHNOLOGIST“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” – Anthony Burgess

1. We Get it, You Don’t Want to Be Here

We fully understand you are sleep deprived and in many cases you don’t want to be at the sleep lab.

Please don’t take it out on us, we are here to help.

2. Morning Breath Stinks

While some of us will hold our breath through our nose, many of us put a little Vicks Vapor Rub under our nose to combat your hypopnea halitosis.

3. “Early to Bed, Early to Rise

We want to get you home and back in your own bed. Many of us work 12 hour shifts, arriving 3 hours before you sleep to prepare paper work.

4. We See & Hear Everything

When filling out paper work, you were informed that your room would come equipped with a monitoring camera and microphone. Keep that in mind as you say good night to your loved one.

5. We Might Use Placebo

We understand that pressure of 4cm/h2O is blowing your face off (insert eye roll here); let me just go back to the lab and fix that for you (change to bi-level 4 over4). “How’s that Mr. Smith? Oh, much better, well good then. We’ll just start you off there”. Guess what we do to Mr. Smith as soon as he falls asleep? Back to 4cm/H2O.

6. Don’t That Guy (Who No Shows)

If you are a repeat offender of the cancellation/no show variety, don’t be surprised when you end up in room 6 that’s right next to the general public restroom, has a mattress as firm as plywood, unstable AC/heat, and a pulse oximeter that requires a technician to come in every hour to shut off the alarm.

7. What Was That? Somniloquy

We are all entertained by what you say in your sleep. Who wouldn’t be?

8. All Those Wires Aren’t Necessary, But...

In most cases some of the electrodes are redundant so that if one comes off in the middle of the night we can just use the other channel for the test results which saves us time and frustration of running in and out of your room all night.

9. Many of Us Don’t Follow Our Recommendations

That’s right, similar to the percent of respiratory therapists that smoke.

10. Please Wear Something

Ok It’s not that bad… but it’s close. We would appreciate it if wore more than your undies.