1. Introduce myself 2. This presentation is about how to tell your unique story in your college applications.

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1. Workshop will be divided into three parts: 1. Telling your complete story 2. Five essential essay strategies 3. Activity at the end with sample essays

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Rather than looking at the application as a series of questions to be answered, approach the app as a place to present your story. Your response to every question presents an opportunity for you to explain your background and story.

Before you start, decide on the overall impression you want to give the reader about yourself. What do you want them to take away from reading your application? Make sure your story is clear and coherent. Don’t assume that the reader will fill in the blanks. The QuestBridge application has plenty of “additional information” sections – be sure to use those!

You can use each of these spaces to tell your complete story.

1. Personal information

2. Academic information

3. Teacher and counselor recommendations

4. Extracurricular activities

5. Personal statement & short essays

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Here are two students who have entered all of the required information into the application.

• It looks like both applicants have been successful high school students, with strong GPAs and competitive SAT scores and extracurricular involvement.

• Which one would you admit? This would be a difficult decision.

How could the applicants make your decision easier?

• What would you want to help you with this decision? (Discuss)

• Would be helpful to have more information about the two applicants!

Let’s look at these two applicants in another way.

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Applicant A has kept the same application, while applicant B has included more information about himself through all sections of the application

• Rather than looking at the app as a series of questions to answer, think about what you want to communicate about yourself.

• Find opportunities in the application to provide a complete picture of yourself and your background/circumstances.

• Responsibilities at home

• Activities outside of school

• Academic advantages or disadvantages

• Lack of resources or support

• QuestBridge application tries to specifically ask for all of this possible additional information (“etc.”), but even then you must make an effort to ensure all of your “etc.” is included. This is even more important when you are filling out other applications.

• List part-time job(s) and other family obligations under extracurricular activities. This is especially important if your responsibilities have resulted in a lack of traditional extracurriculars.

• Use the essay and short answer sections to write about things that are important to you and that make you different from other applicants.

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Real people read your essays, and they will think carefully about what you’ve written and how you’ve written it.

The essays are important because you can really show who you are, and this is an important factor in admissions decisions.

1. Your essay is a very important part of your application.

• Your grades and test scores are largely set at this point, but you have complete control over your essays and can use it to complete the picture of your application.

• It is so important to put your application in context. Think of the other parts of your application (home address, grades, activities, scores, interests) as dots. Use your essay to provide new information that doesn’t get covered in other parts of your application, and if there are multiple essays or short answers communicate different information in each. Connect some of those dots so you look more like a complete, real person. That makes you both more impressive and more memorable.

• You also want to show that you can succeed in college by demonstrating progress, achievement, and potential, and by displaying your strong writing skills.

2. Your essay is a place to show your unique achievements.

• The personal statement is especially important for low-income students because their stories often don’t fit the mold that most applications are designed for.

• For example, if you took remedial English in 10th grade but honors English in 11th grade, that might look a little strange and unimpressive. It might seem like you were slacking off and only started applying yourself because you realized that the time for college applications was approaching -- unless you explain that you moved to the US in 9th grade and had never spoken English before! That’s a dramatic example, but think about the context you might provide -- show what you have overcome, to make your accomplishments all the more impressive.

3. Your essay is a place to showcase your intellectual curiosity and interests.

• Top colleges want students on their campus who have a genuine love of learning and are dedicated to expanding their knowledge, both in and out of the classroom.

• Applicants can write about how they have sought out opportunities to further their interests, whether it is by joining a research lab, attending workshops, volunteering at community organizations, or organizing a group of friends after-school to continue a class discussion.

4. The essay is a place where low-income students can explain hardships and/or obstacles they have overcome.

• Applicants to top colleges are disproportionately from upper income backgrounds, so comparatively lower income students can use the essay to talk about their different experiences.

• An example might be if you haven’t participated in traditional extracurricular activities (sports, clubs, community service, etc) because you have spent your time outside of school helping out at home. Maybe you have to care for your younger siblings while your parents are at work. Or maybe you have a job after school because you help earn money for the household. This is the type of information that would show an admissions officer about your life and responsibilities.

By the end of your essay, you want admissions officers to feel like they’ve met you.

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Now that we’ve discussed your broad goals for your essay, let’s look at some specific tips for making it strong.

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• In order to stand out from the many other applications admissions officers are reading, choose a topic that only you can write about. It should reflect your unique life experiences. If you succeed in doing this, you should meet your goal of standing out from the crowd, because who else can write about a topic that only you can write about?

• Focus on a particular experience or circumstance that illustrates who you are. Don’t try to tell your life story -- you can’t do it in one essay. For example, an applicant wrote about how she had spent her whole life in a small, rural town. She had never traveled more than 60 miles away from home. She loved to read and spent lots of spare time reading books about different parts of the world. She described how she “traveled” and discovered the world by reading.

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So how can you choose the perfect topic for your essay?

Try following these three steps. Keep in mind that this is just an example of how you can brainstorm a topic for your essay– if there is another process that works best for you, by all means, use that technique.

Step 1: Think of a broad topic.

So begin by thinking of a broad topic that immediately comes to mind when you’re thinking which parts of your life your believe have been particularly influential. Let’s say for this example, that the student writes down family– that’s a really broad topic.

Again, we’re starting with something very general here, so we're going to get more specific in step 2.

Step 2: Specify a circumstance related to your broad topic.

Now you should specify a circumstance about the broad topic that makes it stand out to you. In this example, we're going to say that this student lives in a single parent household.

But this is still a very general idea, and at this point, the student needs to find specific examples to really make his/her unique story shine through.

Step 3: Hone in on a unique point.

To hone in on a unique point, ask yourself: "How did this topic/circumstance helped me grow?" Use the answer to that question to go into greater detail about your circumstance and really hone in on your unique point. Add descriptive details wherever appropriate.

In this example, maybe the student wants to say that living in a single parent household has given him/her greater independence because his/her mom has to work long hours. Because of this, he/she had to learn how to cook for himself/herself and his/her siblings with a limited budget.

• Remember that no matter what the prompt asks you to discuss, the essay needs to be about YOU. Once you’ve finished a draft, a good rule of thumb is to check that your essay is about you: write a one-sentence summary of your essay. YOU should be the subject.

• Now, we’re going to do a quick writing activity. Please turn to the “College Essay Brainstorming” worksheet in your binder or a clean piece of paper in your binder. Take a few minutes and jot down ideas for essay topics you could write about based on these ideas. [Ask if anyone wants to share their Broad Topic, Circumstance, and/or Unique Point].

• Next, I want to offer a few warnings about essay topics. First, I want to let you know about some over-used topics.

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• These are not necessarily bad topics – but they really are common. You may still choose to write on one of these topics, but please know that admissions officers will hold your essay to a higher standard of excellence and originality. It is harder for you to achieve the overall goal of standing out from the crowd and will be easier for the reader to “zone out.”

• A few particular notes:

• Big issue, historical figure: These topics often fail to communicate anything unique about you. You should write about something that you have experienced first-hand in order to achieve the level of detail and candor that makes a great essay.

• Tales of my success, academic risk. Admissions officers have already seen your transcript and you activities list. However, you may want to choose one of your activities or achievements and explore it more deeply.

• Trips are commonly written about -- in particular, mission trips to developing countries. These can be really well-written essays about how a new country opened your eyes to different cultures and ways of life, but keep in mind that a lot of other applicants are writing about the same thing, just replace the destination. If this was truly transformative for you, try to pick something very specific about the experience to illustrate who you are, not just the more clichéd statements. Try to turn it on its head a little and find a different way to talk about it. Always bring the focus of the topic back to you, rather than focusing too much on the different culture.

• *Don’t feel embarrassed if you wrote on one these topics for your application. That’s why they’re common topics -- just try to think of a new topic for your college essay, or a new way to write about one of these topics.

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Remember – you should be using the essay to show us what’s important to you and how that has shaped you.

As you are brainstorming, consider these three questions on the screen. Are there any that stand out to you? If so, how can you incorporate those ideas into your essay? Remember, you don’t have to write about just one thing, nor do you have to write about all of the ideas that come to your mind. Highlight what’s important to you and best tells your unique story.

If a particular challenge has played an influential role in your life, feel comfortable sharing that context in your essay.

• You have a unique story to tell – one that is very different from the typical collegeapplicant at these top colleges. You shouldn’t be afraid to show your ability to overcomeobstacles, if that’s part of your story. Some examples of challenges include:

• You bear an unusual amount of responsibility in your household (e.g., caringfor younger siblings).

• You help to pay rent or household bills.

• You commute a long distance to attend a better school.

• If you haven’t written this type of essay before, you might not be used to sharingpersonal details in your writing. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to, butknow that what you do share simply helps us understand you and your achievementsbetter.

• While admissions officers want to hear about the challenges that have shaped you, it isvery important to show how your positive thinking and drive have allowed you tosucceed.

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You should make sure that the essay reflects what’s important to you.

Although it’s important to share details from your background, you want to make sure that you demonstrate emotional maturity while doing so. Show how you've grown from your experience rather than place blame or show anger. This shows you can work through a challenge.

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No matter what your topic is, but particularly if you choose to write about obstacles in your life, use a mature, composed tone.

1. Be aware of your tone, no matter what topic you choose; try to avoid using overly negative or critical language.

2. If you write about something that is personally painful, move your statement in a positive direction to show that you have learned from your challenges.

3. Try to show the reader that your inner strength and growth outweigh any frustration or anger.

• You don’t need to write a happy essay or be glad of any extreme hardships, but try to end your statement on a hopeful note. You don’t want the admissions officer to finish reading your essay feeling concerned about you; instead, you want to show them that you’re a positive thinker and are prepared to handle the challenge of college.

• If you worry that you’re not going to be able to write about a particular topic with a mature tone, or show that you have internally resolved and recovered from any related issues, that’s fine, but you may want to choose a different topic.

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You don’t need to have experienced or write about something personally difficult to write an essay that stands out and completes the picture. You might want to write about your interests instead of, or in addition to, your personal background. If you do so, try to focus on your academic passions and extracurricular activities as much as on your future career goals. You want to show that you’re intellectually engaged – so when you’re talking about your passions, think about how you can showcase your intellectual spark.

Also, remember that it is far more powerful to “show” something about yourself through a memorable story than to simply “tell” the reader. We’ll show some examples of this in the following slides.

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“Utilitarian” means that you are stressing the usefulness and practicality of your education (i.e. how your degree will help you in your future career). While all of these goals are admirable, this is not always the wisest approach to the personal statement. Colleges don’t want to think that you see them just as a stepping stone on your path to your career of choice, or on your way to doing good.

In this example, the student is simply telling the reader of his interest in medicine, rather than showing the passion through a more vivid description.

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This approach is stronger for a number of reasons:

A top college will give you a liberal arts education. A liberal arts education allows you to explore many different academic areas and prepares you to pursue multiple careers paths. It aims to make you a well-rounded person with strong critical thinking skills. This is in contrast to a vocational education, which gives you a specific skill set for a specific job. Remember that you are applying for college not a job. The college is looking for students who are academically engaged and passionate about learning and who will contribute to a vibrant campus community. Colleges don’t want to be viewed as a stepping stone to your future job.

Though it is certainly noble to want to become a doctor/lawyer/engineer/etc. in order to support your family financially, this explanation for your career interests does not show us why it is your passion. Colleges are a place of learning and growing and contributing to community. So, while you write about what you hope to get out of college, consider also writing about what you will be able to contribute to that community.

Finally, this is also a very common essay topic, so it will be more difficult for you to achieve the goal of standing out from the crowd.

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• While reading your personal statement, the admissions officer wants to get to know you and what’s important to you.

• Remember that admissions officers like me read hundreds of applications during an application cycle. When reading apps, I’m trying to select students to admit. Now keep in mind that many students are academically qualified to attend my school, so being high school valedictorian or having great grades won’t really assure you a spot or make you stand out in my mind. What I’m trying to do is create an interesting campus, so I’m looking for students who have diverse interests and diverse backgrounds. I want people who are prepared to succeed, but also people who will make valuable contributions to the campus by being active in the campus community.

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What are my specific goals while reading your application?

1. Often, this is the closest I come to having a conversation with you, so I’ll hope to get a feel for your personality, and what you are passionate about.

2. Evaluate your writing skills, including your thought process, which is necessary for college success.

3. I might look toward the essay to better understand you and your background, and to place your achievements in a broader context.

• You might choose to provide details on you, your hometown, your high school, your financial situation, that you moved 3 times in 10th grade, etc. Anything that you choose to emphasize that helps to “fill in the blanks” about creating a full picture of you.

4. Lastly, your essay may be a place for you to talk about what excites you intellectually…

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Before you begin writing:

1. Divide your thoughts into coherent paragraphs. (Note: it doesn’t have to be the standard 5 paragraph essay.)

While you are writing:

1. Read drafts aloud to yourself.

• Helps you find typos, also helps you come up with subtle improvements, like varying sentence structure. Also the best way to imagine how the essay will sound when the admissions officer reads it.

2. Capitalize the pronoun “I”.

• You don’t want your essay to look like a text message! If you don’t use proper capitalization (including the pronoun “I”) it will immediately give the admissions officer the impression that you didn’t put much effort into your essay.

3. Use natural sounding-words.

• Go easy on the thesaurus. Don’t deliberately use big words when simpler ones will suffice. This will NOT impress the admissions committee.

4. Similarly, avoid using cliché phrases.

• Admissions officers are reading hundreds of essays – they get tired of hearing the same thing over and over.

After you have finished writing:

1. Ask friends, parents, and teachers to read your essay.

• You should do this once you have a version you’re happy with. If you need to, don’t be afraid to completely re-write your essay after you’ve gotten feedback! It takes many drafts to get to the final version.

2. Avoid editing out your unique voice as you revise.

• Before you submit the final draft of your essay with your application, consider having someone read your essay to make sure it still sounds like you. By “voice,” we mean your style, your personality.

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And finally, if all of this seems a little bit overwhelming, don’t worry. This isn’t easy for most people. You probably don’t have much experience with this type of writing. But you have tried it once – remember, you wrote a personal statement for the College Prep Scholars Program application! And you can do a great job.

As you move forward, here are some things you can do to make sure you have the best essay possible.

1. Start seeking inspiration now.

• Allow yourself to do your very best (do justice to your grades and test scores) by starting early. Give yourself plenty of time to come up with an idea -- inspiration doesn’t always strike when you want it to. Be prepared with a pen and paper! Also, remember that you will have several essays to write, and each will need to complete a different part of your picture (draw more lines connecting the dots), so allocate time for that.

2. Leave time for multiple drafts.

• Good writing takes time! After you’ve found an idea, it will still take time to get your essay to it’s final form. Make sure to start early – yes, during the summer! – to give yourself enough time to produce your best work.

3. Ask teachers for their feedback.

• People who have supported you this far and watched you succeed will be excited to help you on this final step!

• You can also ask different people for help for different reasons (voice, typos, etc.)

4. Let your voice shine through.

• This can be a long process, but at the end of the day, you want to be sure that this is still your own unique essay, with your own voice.

Any questions?

Okay, now we’re going to look at a few sample essays together…

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Read sample essays.

Write a one-sentence summary.

Strategize ways to improve.

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