Check date during every b) Replace tyres after yeprs servi ...
1.droppdf.com1.droppdf.com/files/hIIzG/every-last-breath-gaffney-jessica.pdf · dormant for years....
Transcript of 1.droppdf.com1.droppdf.com/files/hIIzG/every-last-breath-gaffney-jessica.pdf · dormant for years....
“Followme,andletthe
deadburythedead.”Matthew8:22
EVERYLAST BREATH
JessicaGaffney
DEDICATION
ToNavi,whosespiritandloveliveson!
PROLOGUE:I’mnottheonlywifewho’sfantasizedaboutkillingherhusband.InfactIcan’tevenrecallthefirsttimethethoughtwanderedacrossmymind.ThenotionwasjusttherelikepresentsnestledunderasparklingChristmastree.Atfirst,I’msuretheideaonlyflutteredthrough
myhead,itmayhaveevenstartledme.ButthenthethoughtsbecamepleasantandIgrewcomfortablewiththem.
Ican’tsayIplannedonithappening,itsortofjustdid.Iplayedoutscenariosinmyheadanddreamtofalifewithouthim;alifethatwaspeaceful.
Theideaoffreedomwasfullofpromise,hopeandfreedom.Itstayedthere;
dormantforyears.Butduringeveryfight,duringeveryreignofsilence,duringmysilentfootsteps,itwouldsurface.Whentheopportunityfinallycame,Ididwhatanymotherwoulddo.
Idon’tfantasizeanymore.WhyamIsayingallthis?It’sbecausetherearetimesinlifewhenyouwanttoforget,butyoucan’t.AndIhavetotellsomeone;Ihavetoadmitthat
IwantedJacktodie.
CHAPTER1
Maggieheardtheshotbeforeshesawthegunman.Theblowofthefirearmforcedhertotheground.Withhereyessqueezedshutshelistenedforhiswhereabouts,buttherewasnothingbutsilenceandthickfog.
Thesharpsnapofa
branchsentherintoapanic.“Maagggie.”Hetaunted,inchingcloserwitheverycall.Shecuppedherhandsoverherearsandbegantorockinplace.Withhermuddyhandsshehidherfaceandcuddledherbruisedbody.
Thensheheardafaintwhimper.Withherheartracingshepushedherselfup,theshroudoftearsblindinghersteps.Asecondshotricochetedoffthepines,but
shekeptmoving.Thecriesbecamelouderuntilshescreamedout,“Vala.”
Maggiegaspedforairasshejoltedawake.Hersenseswereonhighalertandherheartpounded.Tossingbackthecovers,shereachedforhercellphoneandglasses.Thetimewas4:12am—justliketheothernights.
“Vala,”Shewhispered.Thedogputherheadonhermaster’sleg.“Goodgirl.”
Maggiekeptaglassofwaterbyherbedfornightslikethis.Gettingagoodnightsleepwasbecomingtoofarandfewbetween.Shehadtorest.Thenightmaresweresupposedtosubsidewithtimebutinsteadtheyonlygrewstronger.MaggiedrankthewaterinonegiantslurpandrosefrombedtocheckonEli.
Sheshuffledacrosstheworncarpettowardhisroom.Thesofthueofhisnightlight
penetratedthedarkhall.He’dbeensleepingwiththedooropenandlighton,eversincethemove.Infact,that’swhenthenightmaresstarted.
Maggiestoodinthedoorway,staringatherpreciousjewel.Eliwasallshehadnow.Andthatwashowsheneededittobe.Sheknewhewasfine;hedidn’twrestlewithhowtheylefthome.Itwasjustonenight,andthentheyweregone.
ClairetoldhershewastooworriedaboutEli,andneededtostopcheckingonhimwhileheslept.Itwasunhealthyforhertopamperhimlikeshedid.Stillshecouldn’tresist.Heranxietywouldnotallowit.
Shecreptinsidethedimlylitroomandplacedherhandonhissilkycurls.Rightnowshewasjustthankfultheywerebothsafe.Shewasn’talwaysabletosay
that.Nomatterhowrestlessshegrew,Eliwascomfortableandthat’sallthatmattered.Hehadheardherscreaminthemiddleofthenight,justthedaybeforelast.Whenheranintoherroom,Maggiesteadiedhervoiceandhetoldhimitwasnothing.
Peelingbackhiscurtainsheglancedoutside.Themotionlightsintheyardflashedonandafreshdusting
ofsnowcoatedtheground.Shelookedforfootprints,humanoranimal,anythingthatwouldalerthertoastowhysheshouldbeafraid,butnothingwasthere.Shetookherpulseanddidherbreathing.“Relax.Thereisnothingtofear.”
ShelookedbackatElinestledinhisflannelmoosesheets.Thedaywascomingwhenhe’dlosehisblondecurlsandlittleboycharms.
Butthatwasthefuture.Fornowhewasstillherlittleprince.
Maggieclosedhisdoor.Asachillhithersherealizedherchestwassoakedinsweat.Shegrabbedherrobeandheadedtothekitchentomakesometea,thatalwayswarmedherandhelpedhersleep—that,andaGabasupplementthateasedheranxiety.Sheuseditonandoff,thoughrecentlyshe
orderedahigherdosage.Somethingabouttheholidaysapproachingseemedtohaveheronguardagain.
ThiswasherthirdChristmaswithoutJack,andshewasdoingfine.Eliwasonlytwowhendaddydisappeared,andthat’sallshetoldhim.Theirnewhousewasvoidofhispicture.Shewenttogreatlengthstotryandsearhisconsciousfromevenhavingafather.
Peopleoutwestwereindependentpeople,butinasmalltowntheyalsotalk.Andit’snotoftenamotherandyoungchildshowupinthemiddleofthenight,andrentahomeupinthesecludedwoods.YetitsuitedMaggiejustperfect.Valalikedittoo.
ItwasamereGodsendthatthisrentalwasfurnishedandingoodtaste.Sheknewtheplacewouldbeperfectthe
secondshelaideyesonit.Maggiehadstoppedintowntogetacupofcoffeewhenafliercaughtherattention.Itread,mountaincabininneedofquiettenants,somepetswelcome.Thehomewastoosmallforamediumsizefamily,butitwasperfectforafamilyoftwo.
Elihadplentyofspacetorunandplay;theneighborswerespreadoutenoughthatshehadherprivacybutwith
onlyoneroadinandoutofthecommunity,shewaseasilyprotectedfromthosewhodidn’tbelong.
Maggiespreadoutherjournalasshesippedherwarmtea.Thehousewaswarmandquiet,thesunwouldn’tbeupfortwomorehours.Hopefullyshecouldfallbacktosleep.Sheranthroughhergratitudelisttocalmherfearsandsteadyherbreathing.
ThewarmsoothingteamadeMaggierelax.Sheflippedthroughherpriorentries,scanningtheimprovementsshehadmade.Whenshefoundanemptypage,Maggiescribbledthedate,timeandanydetailshertherapistmayneed.Thetatteredcompositionbookwasshowingitswear.
Atsomepoint,shehopedherheartwouldhealandlifewouldreturntonormal.
Eventuallyshewouldforgetwhathappenedanditwouldfadeintotheabyss.Maybethenshewouldsleepthroughthenight.Sofar,ithadbeentwomonthsandshehadnothingmorethanafewsolidhourshereandthere.Herjournalentriesprovedthat.
Secretlyshewishedshecouldbemorelikeherclients,theyactuallyhadthecouragetowritesomethingandsenditouttherehoping
someonewouldreadit—anyone.Journalingwasnotwriting.Itinvolvednothought,noorder,andnoediting.Itwasanact,likecleaning.Apurgingofthemind,Maggiepaused.Wouldhermindeverbeclearenoughtowrite?Whileshepromisedherselfnottowriteaboutherpastlifeandallthathappened,sheneededtowrite.But,fear.Fearsaidshejustcouldn’ttakethatrisk.
ClairewastheclosestthingMaggiehadtoasister.Shewasfaithful,trustworthyandhadbecomeagreatbabysitterwhohadallthetimeintheworldtospendwithEli.
Elibouncedhiswaythroughthebusyparkinglotbeforelettinggoofherhand.Shesmiledastheboyrushedintothegiantplayland,eagertoclimbandplaybefore
eatinghislunch.Claireheldthedoor
open,asElirushedpastherwavingasheunzippedhiscoat.
“Thanksformeetingmeuphere.”
“It’snoproblem.Joehasthekids.Isweartheonlyreasontheyseetheirfatherisbecauseheisn’tagoodfather.”
“Where’shetakingthemthisweekend?”
“Whoknows.Probably,whereverShelliewantstogo.”
“Didn’ttheygoskiinglastweek?”
“Theywentskiing,shewentshopping.”
Maggieremovedhercoat.“Shemarriedhimforhiswallet,whatcanIsay?Mustbenice.”
“Nevermindme,howareyou,how’swork?”
“It’sgood.Alittle
lonely,butI’menjoyingit.”Clairestudiedher.“I
don’tknowwhyyoudon’tjustopenyourownagency.Therearedozensofpublisher’srightintheSprings.You’dprobablymakeafortune.”
“I’dbebored.Mostofthemtakeinspirationaltitleswherethewritingismediocreatbest.Ineedabighit,beforetheroyaltydwindlesdownonmyonlyclient.”
“YouhavecredentialsMaggie.Youshouldgetyournameoutthere.”
Maggiesmiled.“I’llthinkaboutit,”Shelied.Shedidn’twanthernamepubliclylisted.Thatwastheendofit.SomedayshewouldhavetotellClairethewholetruth.
“Howareyousleeping?Ihaven’thadanyirrationalphonecallsat3am.”
“I’msorryaboutthat.IamgettingbetterathowI
handlethem.”“Valastillcominginto
keepyousafe?”“Yes.”Maggiecouldtalkall
dayaboutVala,butshedidn’t.Shewasnottheirpetandsheneededtorememberthat.
“Ayounggirlcameintotheshelterthisweek.Noneoftheadvocateshavebeenabletoreachher.Doyouthinkyouareready?”
Maggiefroze.Shewasabsolutelynotready.Shemayneverbe.
Clairestudiedher.“Willyouatleastthinkaboutit?”
“There’snothingtothinkabout.Ican’tmoveaheadifIlookback.”
“Moveon?”Clairereachedacrossthetable.“Maggietheonlywayyoucanmoveonisnotbyrunningbutbyhelpingsomeoneelse.”
ShecuppedherhandoverfaceandlookedforEli.Shewatchedattheenergeticboyclimbedthroughthetunnels,laughingandplayingwithotherkids.“Doesshehavekids?”
“Three.”Shetoldherselfshe’d
thinkaboutit.
Elifollowedhismotherintothepostoffice.“Momma,
whydowegetourmailhere,insteadofatthehouse?”
“Ilikethisbetter.It’swarminhereandtheboxdoesn’tfillupasfast.”
Eliwasacuriouskindergartener.Hequestionedeverything,whichisadoubleedgedsword.
Maggiesortedthroughthejunkmail.ShehandedEliapileofadvertisements,catalogsandcreditcardoffers,mostofthem
addressedtotheboxespreviousrecipient.Shepeekedatthemanilaenvelopewithhernameandaddresswrittenoutinlonghand.Thereturnpostmarkwasfromherattorney.Inheropinion,bigenvelopeswerenevergoodnews.Shestuffedthemailinherpurseandshutthebox.Hopefullyshe’dmaketimetogothroughthepilelater.
Elitossedhisbookbag
inhisbedroomandrantowardtheTV.“Mom,canIwatchmyshow?”“First,comewalkValawithmeandthenwecanturnontheTV.”
Elibobbledacrossthekitchenasheretrievedherleash.Theyhadacollectionoffourbuttheredonewashisfavorite.Maggiealwayslaughedwhenhedraggedhisstuffedanimalsaroundthehousewiththesameleash.
Shewishedshecouldpostapictureofitonline,likeanormalparent,butthatwasnotanoption.
ValagotupfromherbedandwalkedtoEli.Sheknewthedrill.Heclippedonherleadandheadedintothegarage.Maggiesmiled,thedogneverpulledEliorattemptedtorunoff.Shewasaprotector;theirprotector.Maggieopenedthegaragedooreventhoughtheyhad
justshutit.Shelearnedtwothingslivinginthemountains:one,wildanimalswanderedwherevertheywanted,includinggaragesandhomesandtwo,itwasbesttoclosethedoorassoonasyoucouldtokeepthewildlifeawayfromthegarbageandthesmelloffreshcookedfood.Alloftheneighborswhogrilledkeptthebarbequeonthesecondfloordeckratherthanground
level.Sheunderstoodwhywhenshesawbearprintsbyherfrontdoor.Eliroundedthecornerofthehousewhichslopeddownhill.Shesmiledashetrekkedpastthetoweringmoundoffirewood,“Wegotwoodmom,”hehollered.
TheCordpiledupoverherhead.Shecountedthelogstomakesuretheyhadn’tshortchangedher.Itisknownthatmechanicswere
knowntohikeupthepriceonfemales,wellinColoradoitwasnodifferenttheyjusttrieditwithoil,woodandhuntinggear.
AsenseofpridewashedoverMaggieasshewatchedherboyandhisdog.ShehadmovedonandbuiltasafeplaceforsheandEli.Sheneededtobeproudofthat,evenifitwastheonlythingshehad.
Maggiestayedatthetop
ofthehillwhileValawalkedaround.ShegaveElisomespace,knowingitbuilthisself-esteem,somethingthatwashardtodowithoutafather.Theolderhegot,thelessshewouldbeabletosaythat.Jackhowever,wasneverafatheratall.
CHAPTER2
ElihadbeensleepingforhourswhenMaggieclosedherbookandshutoffthelight.Sheletherheadsinkdeepintothefeatherpillow.Shekepthereyesclosed,notwantingtodealwiththenormalroutineoffallingasleep.
Thentherewastheissueofthedoor.ShewanteditopenenoughtohearElibutnottoowidewhereshecouldbecaughtbysurprise.Shedislikeditshutforthesamereason.Thentherewasthepocketdoorleadingtothebathroom.Thelightfromherelectrictoothbrushbouncedoffthemirrorandshoneinhereyes.Sheneededthatdoorclosedenoughthatthelightwouldbeblockedbut
nottoofarbecausetheheatwouldrattlethedoorinthejameverytimeitturnedonoroff.
Doors,theywereanothernemesistohersleep.Sheslidherarmunderherpillowandfoundoneofmanyfoamearplugssheusedtosecuresleep.Theyblockedoutanynoisethatstartledher.Sheinsertedjustoneandtippedherheadtotheside,leavingtheothersidepressedintoher
pillow.Afterabriefprayerofthanks,sheslidintoherfirstsleepofthenight.
Thedreamcameforthlikeafaceinthemist.ThistimeMaggiewasrunningonadirtroadinthemiddleoftheforest.Therewerenosounds,justaneeriefogthatroseupfromtheground.Shelookedaroundforthedog.ShecalledforVala,butnopanichadsetin.Shewonderedwherethedoghad
gone,whentheshotofariflerangthroughtheair.Assheturnedtolook,thegroundbegantoshakeandrumble,tohersurpriseabulldozerstormedupthedirtroad.Maggiejumpedintoaditchandwatchedasitdroveby.Shecouldn’tmakeoutthedriver.Shecouldonlyheartheevillaughthatpiercedthestillair.Itwasn’thuman.
Herfeetsliddownthewet,gravelembankmentas
thebulldozertaperedoffintothemist.“Eemp.Eeeempeeeeemp,”cameaquietwhimper.“Vala!Vala!”Maggiecriedout.Sherantowardthewhimper,butitkeptmovingahead.Thefastersheran,thefasteritmoved.Therewasnohidingherposition,thesnapoftwigsandthecrunchofgravelbeneathherswiftfeetbrokethroughthesilentnight.“Vala,”shepanted.Hergot
moreandmorelaboredwitheverystep.Maggierealizedshewasalone.
Thewhinecontinuedasshesearchedforthedog.“Vala.Valaisthatyou?”
Thebrokenlimbsandpineconeslitteredthegroundandhertiredlegstrudgedon.Asecondshotboomedinthedistance.MaggierealizedEliwasmissing.Wherewasherboy?Herheartracedasfeargripedher.
Again,sheheardtherumbledofatruckroaringuptheroadandMaggieturnedtoseewhowasapproaching.Behindher,atthetopoftheembankmentwasafigure.Herheartdropped.
MaggiewokeuptothetouchofVala’stonguelickingherhand.
Rustlingoutofbed,sheclutchedherwetshirt.Shelookedatthetimeandtossedherwetclothesintothe
alreadyfullhamper.Withherpulsealreadyracingsheranahotshower.
Asthesteamgathered,Maggieletthewaterdrenchherhair.ThecurtainsqueakedalongtherodasshestareddownatEli’sbathtoys.Shesmiledatthewonderofherchild,andrecalledhowsheoncewishedshehadmore.
Maggiestayedintheshoweruntilthebathroom
wasfilledwithsteam.Theheatfromthefireplaceneverreachedthispartofthehouseandthewarmairwasessentialtodryingoff.Shewrappedthetowelaroundherandleanedoverthecounter.Shewascarefulnottolookherselfintheeye;insteadshestaredatthescarbelowherbreast.Shetwistedtothesidehopingonedayitwouldnotrepulseanotherman.Butthatdaywasalongwayoff,orso
shethought.Maggiefeltasenseof
dreadwhenevershethoughtofbeingwithaman.Sheranacombthroughherthick,curly,blackhairandpulledouttheknots.SheclutchedtheframedscriptureClairehadboughtherforher33rdbirthday.“ForIknowtheplansIhavefor,”declarestheLord.“Planstoprosperyouandnottoharmyou,planstogiveyouhopeanda
future.”TheBibleversegaveherasenseofhope.Perhapsifsheprayedmoretheguiltoverherpastwouldgoaway.ThenagainGodhatessin,andshewasasinner.
Shereadtheverseafewtimesandbreathedout.Justafewmoreminutesandhernervoussystemwouldbebacktonormal.Andifshetimeditright,shecouldgobacktosleepbeforethesuncameup.Thenightmares
rarelyreturnedonceshewentbacktosleep.
Elisprangoutofbedlike
afiremanreadyforduty.Heyankedhisdooropenandrushedintothekitchen,asifthedayweregettingawayfromhim.Maggiesmiled.Nomatterwhathadhappenedduringthecourseofthenight,thatlittleboywasthelightofhermorning.
Sheputaplateoftoastedwafflesonthetableandwaitedforhimtotakeaseat.Asifoncue,hepouredtoomuchsyruponhisfood,thenwipedhishandsonhiscorduroys;atthisrate,hemayevenendupwithamustachebeforeleavingforschool.Gettingoutthedoorbeforeseventhirtywasalwaysachore,especiallyinColorado,hat,gloves,coat,boots,sneakers,lunch,
batmanbookbag,andhomework,werejustaboutasmuchasMaggiecouldhandle.Buttheviewofthemountainsmadeitworththeeffort.
ElistaredupatPikesPeak.“Lookmom.Ithinkit’sgonnasnowtoday.”
Shedippedherheaddownbelowthevisor.“Itmight,”shesighedhopefully.
Themountainshadbeencoveredwithsnowfor
monthsnow.Thethirtyminuteridedownthemountainwasjustasbreathtakingasthedayshelaideyesonthesmallcity.Therewerehilltopmansionsandcabinsbuiltintothesteepcliffs.Somepeoplehaddrivewayshalfamilelong,someofthemwereevenheatedtopreventicefromforming.Itwouldbehardtogethomeownersinsuranceifthefirerescuecouldn’tgetto
yourhousebecauseofthesnow.
Maggieviewedsomeofthelargerhomesonthemountainside,thinkingtheymayaffordhermoresecurity.SheoptedforasmallerhomeinaplannedcommunitysoElicouldmakefriendsandblendin.Andhehad.
Asshedroppedhimoffatschoolandwatchedhimwalkinside,shefeltatugonherheart..Evenafterallthis
time,leavinghimseemedlikeamistake.
Maggiepulledtotheheadofthecarlineandmadearight.ShelikedtotakethescenicroutethroughthecampusbeforeheadingbacktoCascade.Theeighteenacrecampuswasnestledatthefootofthemountains.Theschoolwasover80yearsold.
Todaythecampushadninebuildingsandastateoftheartperformancecenter.
Elilovedthesmallclassrooms,andtheirjunglegym.Butevenwithallthehype,shedidn’tquitefitinwiththeotherfamilies.Therewasaglasswallseparatingtheirunitoftwofromotherfamilies,andnomatterhowhardshetried,Maggiejustcouldn’tblendintonormallife.
MaggiewavedtoHenryatthesecuritystation.Heseemedsweetbutsheknew
theschoolonlyhadsecurityforpoliticalreasons.Theyweren’tactualcopswithauthority.Notthatcopswerethefinalauthority,inherexperiencethatwaslawyers.Still,itwasreassuringthattheschooltriedtoprotectthechildren;she’dseenwhathappenedatotherschools.Thisonehadastrictpolicyonwhocouldpickupthechildattheendofthedayandtheyalsopersonallydelivered
eachKindergartnertothecar.Parentswerenotallowedoncampusuntilschoolwasofficiallyover.
Dr.GibbonswastheonlysuitablechoiceforMaggie.She’dbeengoingonandoffasneedbe,afterthefirstfullyearofbiweeklyvisits.Hersessionswereexpensive,butDr.Gibbonshelpedherkeepagrasponreality.Intheir
work,Maggiediscoveredshehadalotofuntyingtodo.Hermemorieswerediscombobulatedandherreactionsweresevereandharsh,astheyshouldbe.
RightnowMaggiewascopingwell.Shehadtakenmajorstridesinputtingherlifebacktogether.Buttheworkwasfarfromover.
ThedoctoropenedthedoorandgreetedMaggie.SomeweeksMaggieenjoyed
thesmalltalk,butothertimesshevoicedherconcernsassoonasthedoctorsatdown.“Doyouhaveanythingpressingfortoday,orshallwestartwithyourchart?”“Goahead.”“Howwasyour
anxiety?”“Thesame.”“Meaning?”“Thingsarenormal.I’mlearningtocontrolitinsomeinstancesandignore
itinothers.”“That’swonderfulMaggie.It’swhatwe’vebeenworkingtoward.”Maggiefeltherlipscurl
up.Feelingproudwassomethingshewasnotaccustomedtoo.
“Andhowarethenightmares?”Maggiebitherlipandlookedaway,“Theykeepcoming.”
“Anynewdetails?”
AfteraskingMaggiethatquestionformonths,shefinallyhadsomethingtoreport.“Atruckappeared.Abulldozeractuallyandthereistheevillaugh.Likeademon.”
Dr.Gibbonsclickedherpen.“Whatdoesthatmeantoyou?”
“That’ssomeoneishidingsomethingfromme.”
“Okay.Isthatsomethingyoucanhandle?”
Maggiehuffed.“Ihavehandledit;sowhyamIdreamingaboutit?”
“Therecouldbeanumberofpossibilities,butthereasonyouidentifywiththemostiswhat’simportant.Canyoutellmewhenitappearsinthedream?”Shethoughtaboutit.“It’safterI’vefallen.RightasI’mcallingforVala.”
“And,hasEliappearedinthedreamyet?”Thedoctor
asked,studyingMaggie’sbodylanguageandfacialexpressions.
“No,butIcantellIamlookingforhim.It’smoreinacuriousway,notinaconcernedmanner.”
“Andwhydoyouthinkthatis?”
“Idon’tknow.MaybeitmeansIamnotafraid.”
“Coulditmeananythingelse?”
Maggiestartedtothump
herlegonthefloor.“Maggie,areyouafraidthatitmeanssomethingthatitobviouslycan’t.”
Shetookatissue.“IthinkI’mafraidthatEliwillbecomelikehisfather.”
“Butyouknowthatfearisnotreal.YouareraisingawonderfulboyandJackisnotheretohurthim.”
Maggiehaddayswhenshewantedtoscream.Shedidn’tcarewhatthefacts
wereJackwasstillherebecausehewasinhermind.Andshewantedhimout.
Thesessionendedtoosoon,asmostofthemdid.Shedidn’tmindthedoctor’ssuggestions,becauseitdrewheroutofthelonelylevelsoffearthatoftenisolatedher.Theadageofyouhavenothingtofearbutfearitself,wasringingtrue.
Aquickprayerandtwosongsintoherplaylist,
Maggiewasreadyforwork.Thekennelwasasmallhousewithafewoutdoorbuildingsbehindit.Fromtheunmarkedmailboxyou’dneverknowtheplaceexisted,andthatwashowKlauswantedit.Hisdogswerenotforeveryoneandneitherwashe.
Itwasbeautifulhere.Theairblewsoftlywithapickledgraysky.Maggiezippeduphercoatandstuckherkeysdeepintoherfitted
jeans.Realwomen,Coloradowomen,didn’tcarrypurses.Make-upwasminimal,whichsuitedherjustfine,andmostofyourwardrobeconsistedoflongsweaters,bootsandruggedyogagear,notthatsheparticipated.
Eli’ssixhourschoolday,wasafourhourworkday,thedrivetoschoolfromKlaus’swasover45minutes.Itwasn’tmuchtime,butitwasworthit.Paperswerepiling
upandthedesklookedlikesomethingyou’dfindona“Hoarder’sRUs”TVshow.
Sheunlockedtheofficedoorandenteredthewoodpaneledroom.Sheremovedthearchaicclipboardfromthewallandpenciledinherhours.AquicksurveyoftheroomrevealedKlaushadbeencooking.Hepreparedallthefoodforhisdogs,aweeklychorethattookuptheentiremorning.Thephone
rangandsheletitgotovoicemail.
Turningonthecomputer,sheremindedherselfthatKlausneededtoupdatethingsaroundhere.It’snotlikehewashurtingformoney.Hissecuritydogsrangedfromfivethousandtoovertwenty.Hewasthebesttrainerinthestate,accordingtotheDenverPoliceandtheDEA.ItalsomadeCascadetheperfectplaceforherand
Elitosettledown.Notthattheydidmuchofthat.
Maggiewasnotoriousforkeepingtoherself.AndinthissmalltownshepreferredtouseColoradoSpringsasherbase.Eliwenttoschooldownthemountain,andsheaccomplishedothererrandsinthattown,puttingafortymiledistancebetweenherandthecity,shouldanyonecomelookingforthem.
ThiswastheWest,the
untamedpartofAmerica.ThoughtheSpringswasameltingpot,hercountywasmostlylocals,andthetown’sgeographywasnotconduciveforsmartphone’sandothermodernessentials.ThatwassomethingMaggieembraced.Itwouldmakeiteasierforherliveundertheradar.Shehaddeletedallhersocialmediaandweb-basedcontent,notevenhermotherknewwhereshewas.
CHAPTER3
Targetwasnotbusyforanearlyafternoon.Elisippedhisslurpeeandpushedthecarriage.Sheguidedhimaroundeachturn,worriedhemayknockintoaclothingrackorramanothershopper.Theblondehairedboywaseyelevelwiththehandle,makingsomeotherpatrons
smilewhileahandfullookedworried.
Maggiepickedupsomedogfoodwithasupercouponhermotherhadsenther.Shedidn’thavetimetoplaywithcouponingoradvertisements.Shewantedtogetinandgetout.Hermothertoldhersheshoppedlikeaman,andinawayshedid.Elihadalwaysbeenhererrandbuddy,sincehisfatherrefusedtobringastrangerintotheirhome(I
don’tgetwhatthishastodowithshopping).Jackdidn’ttrustpeople.Inaway,neitherdidMaggie,thoughshehadn’talwaysbeenthatway.
Sheluggedthefortypoundbagofdogfoodbagofftheshelfandplaceditonthebottomofthecart.“Eli.”
“Overheremom.”Whenshelookedupagain,hehadachewysquirreltoyinhishand.“CanwegetitforValamom?”
Maggie’sheartsank.“Maybeanothertime
sweetie.RightnowValalikestoexerciseoutside.”
“Butit’snotforexercisemom.It’sforherteethandtokeephercompanywhenwearegone.”
Shepointedtotherackandaskedhimtoputitback.Hefrowned,andMaggiestoleasipofhisSlurpeehopingtoreengagehim.
“Eli,whatareyougoing
togetThurstonforhisbirthdaypartytomorrow?Weneedtogethimagift.”
Hiseyeslitup,“Iknow,thenewLegosetwiththedragonandtower.”
Maggieshookherhead,“That’saverygenerousgift,butlet’spicksomethinghislittlesisterwon’tchokeon.Howaboutafootball?”
“Okay,”Elisaid,asheledthewaytothesportsaisle.“Butwho’sgoingtothrow
theballtohim.Hedoesn’thaveadaddyeither.”
Maggie’sheartstopped.“Oh.”
Shehadn’trealizedthatEliwastalkingabouthisdad.“Howdoyouknowthatsweetie?’
“Becausewedrewpicturesinclassandhehasallladiesinhis.”
“Isee.”Maggiemadeamental
noteincasehismotherhada
wife.Theremainderofthetrip
playedoutwithasourfacedboyandaveryremorsefulridehome.Wheneverthesubjectofdadscameup,theconversationwasvexing.MainlybecauseMaggieneverknewwhatEliwasthinking.Thatfeelingnaggedhertherestofthenight.
Whendinnerwasover,Maggieputonherpajamasandmadepopcornherlittle
man.ThiswasthetypeofFridaynightdateshelivedfor—justthetwoofthem,athome,snuggledinasthetemperaturedropped.
Maggiepulledthemetalshowerringsacrossthepoleandreachedforherpeachtowel.Shelovedthecolorofspringandyouneededitupinthemountains.Theonlyhintsofcolorshe’dseeweretheflowersintheFranklinCountyStore,notexactlythe
floralarrangementcenter.Shelovedthewildflowers,evenplannedontakingValaforastrollthroughthefieldintown,onceitwarmedup.Butfornow,hertowelwouldhavetodo.
SheturnedofftheexhaustfanandleanedoutthedoortocheckonEli.HerheadtiltedastheSkreeeee,skreeee,skreeeechingnoisepilferedthroughdampair.Thenoisecutthroughherlike
ahangoverheadache.“Eliwhatwasthat?”
Sheprancedoutofthebathroominherrobe.
Theboyfrozewithbothhandsbehindhisback.“Eli,whatwasthatnoise?”
“Whatnoisemommy?”“Youngman,don’tplay
gameswithme.Iaskedyouaquestion.”Hisfrowngaveitaway.“What’sbehindyourback?’
“Achewtoy,”Hesaid
wonderingwhattosaynext.“Giveittome.”Helumberedslowly
towardherwithhisheaddown.
“Honey,Itoldyouno.Andwedidn’tpayforthis.”
“Yesyoudid,”hiseyesglowed.“Isliditoverthescannerwhenyoubentdowntogetthedogfood.”
Maggiepaused.Wasthatevenpossible?“Youdidwhat?”
“Icouldn’thelpitmomma.Valahasnotoys.Ithinkitmakeshersad.Iknewshe’dlovethistoy.”
Maggielookedatthedog.Valawascluelessaboutthedogtoy.Shemovedbacktothekitchenandgotthereceiptoutfromherpurseandsureenough,thereiswas,$7.99pets.
Thedogsatonherbed,waitingforMaggietodirecther.Eliheldoutthetoyand
eagerlypressedthedog,“HereVala.Heregirl.”Thesqueakwasincessant.
ShewatchedasElitossedthetoytothedog.ValalookedatMaggieinacluelessmanner.Elitriedagain.Whenthedogfailedtorespond,hecalledherandthrewthetoytowardthefrontdoor.Valadidn’tmove.Hewalkedback,andwavedthetoyinfrontofherface.Maggiefeltsad.Vala,as
beautifulasshewas,wouldnotretrievethetoy.
Eliputitunderherpaws,andshesniffeditbutsoonreturnedtowatchMaggie.Eliwouldnotgiveup.Hedangleditaboveherhead,tappeditheronnoseandevendemonstratedhowsheshouldplaywithit.
Butthedogwasnotinterested.
“Maybeshethinksthetoyisyoursbabe.Didyou
thinkofthat?”Maggiefeltguilty,for
allowinghimtothinkofValaastheirpet.Butwhatotherexplanationwasthere?InEli’smindthat’swhatshewas.
Thefollowingmorning,Maggiewokeuptotheclank,clank,clankofdogfoodhittingthemetalbowl.Shecringedassheheardithitandrollonthefloor.Sheknew
Elihadrippedopenthenewbagandprayedthemesswasn’tasbadasitsounded.Hisonlychorewastofeedthedog,andputhiswettowelbackinthebathroom.Buthejustcouldn’trememberthemeasuringcup.Shehadtieditontothespout,lefthimasign,talkedtohimaboutit,butstillthisboyjustcouldn’tfeedthedogwithoutcreatingahugemess.
Sherustledthecovers
offandtriednottobeirritated.Atleastshesleptthroughthenight.Thatwasahugeblessing.
ScufflingupthehallwaysheturnedintothekitchenandwitnessedElitryingtopickupthefoodonepieceatatime.“Mom,canIeatthis?”
“No.It’sVala’sfood.”“Butwhatisdogfood?”Shebentdownbeside
him.“It’samixofmeatandcorn.It’sgoodforthedog,”
Shesaid,knowingthatwasablatantlie.Klausexplainedwhatcommercialdogfooddidtoacanine.Maggiejustcouldn’tbelieveit.
HeregularlycookedforthedogsatthekennelandheusedYakmeatalongwithamixtureofvegetables.Thefillersincommercialdogfoodleadtoillnessandjointproblem,justlikepeople.
Elicollectedabunchinhishand.“It’scrunchy.”
“Yesitis.”ShestoppedlongenoughtohearValamunchherfooddown.“Itcleansherteethtoo.”
“Shedoesn’tneedherteethesbrushed?”Heaskedinquisitively.
“Nosir,”shekissedhiscurlsandstraightenedup.“Nowwe’rerunninglate,it’stimetogetreadyforschool.”
Klausstormedinthebackdoor,notoutofanger,butbecausehewasabachelorwithmoredogsensethanhuman.SheknewKlauswouldn’tbothertokickoffthedirtfromhisbootsnorhadhebotheredtocombhishair.
Maggiestayedseatedatherdesk,whichalsoservedasthecoffeestationandmailcenter.“Goodmorning,”shesmiled.
Heyankedopentherefrigerator.“AnythingIneedtoknowabout?”
“Volosisshippingouttomorrow.AndKrevaisstillnursing.Itwillbeabusyweekend.”
Krevawashistopbitch.Buyerspaidapremiumforherbabeswiththetraining.Fromthelooksofit,noonewouldassumethisplacemadethattypeofmoney.Butplacingtentotwelvedogsa
year,wasacomfortableliving,atleastMaggiethoughtso.
“IstheAurorataskforcecominguptotrain?”
Klaushuffed,meaningtheyhadnotsecuredtheirspot.Itwasmoneytheywerecountingon.
“Someoneelsewillcall,theyalwaysdo.”
Shemadedeposits,repliedtoemails,sentoutinformationandbookednew
appointments.Noonecametothekennelwithoutanappointment.Itwasn'tsafe.Betweentrainingandboarding,theseelitedogswerenotshowpieces.Theydeservedrespect.Thatmessagehowever,justdidn'ttranslatetochildren.
Businessesoutsideoftownshiphadtobeclearlymarked.Therewasawoodsignbytheroadsidemarkingthekennel,thewordsclosed
tothepublicwereclearlydefined.Therewerealsobewaresignsandnotrespassingpostsalongthedriveway.
Thepropertywasextensiveandfindingitprovedtobetrouble,evenforthelocals.Klauswouldhaveitnootherway.Someofthedogswereworthmorethanhecharged,Maggiediscoveredthatwhenshereviewedtheinsurance
policy.ThesametypeofpolicyshehadtakenoutonVala.
SherememberedthedayElifirstmetVala.Thedogwasridinginthebackofthecarwhenshepickedhimupfromdaycare.Thebrightredbowtiedaroundherneckmadethedog'swhitefurseemlikepuresnow.ValalovedthesnowandguardedEliwellwhenheplayedinit.Thehillbehindtheirhouse
wasperfectforsleddingandValahadbroughtthesledbackupthehillafewtimes.Shepherdsweremadeforthesnow.
CHAPTER4
MaggiebathedEliafteragameofcheckers.Theboyhadaknackforstrategyandcouldoftenbeatheratchess.Ifonlyshehadsuchaknack,thenshecouldfindanotherbooktopublishandputthefinancialstressbehindher.
Maggiesortedthrough
theunsolicitedsubmissionssenttotheNewYorkfirmandhopedforthebest.Thelasttwomanuscriptsshefoundhadcomefromfirsttimewriters,butlately,theriseofselfpublishinghadthinnedoutthetalent,andherbankaccount.
Sheclosedherlaptopandsettledinwithacupoftea.She’dsleptsolonowforalmostthreeyears.Shelikedlivingalonebuttheempty
bedhaditsdrawbacks.Still,itwasproofthatlifewasreturningtonormalnowthatJackwasgone.Maggieclosedhereyesandlistenedtothehumoftherefrigerator.Shehadcometoappreciateitscomfortingpresence.
ThelastthingsherememberedwasJayLenocomingonair.Sherolledoverandreachedfortheremote,pilingexcesspillowsallaroundher.Thenshe
noddedoff.Likeclockworkshewokeup20minutesintohersleepcycle.Forthosetwentyminutesshewasatpeace.Butthesecondherbrainwokeherup,theadrenalinerushbegan.Hersenseswereonfullalertwhetherhereyeswereopenorshut.
ImmediatelyshewasbackinNewYork,andrecalledthenightJackfirstwentmissing.Sheawoketo
themicrowavebuzzing.Thebedroomdoorwasopenandthelightfromthefoyerfilledthehallway.Themoonwasfullthatnight.Sheeasedoutofbedwhichwasdifficultwithherlargeroundbelly,andlistenedforJack.Shecalledoutforhimbuttherewasnoanswer.
Grippingtherailingshemadeherwaydownthewoodenstairs.Halfwaydown,shecouldseethefront
doorwasajar.Itwaslatesummerandnoisefromoutsidecrittersworriedher.Whoknewwhatkindofpestswererunningaroundinthemiddleofthenight.Sheshutthedoor,bolteditandputontheporchlight.IfJackfoundthedooropenhemighthaveanotherepisodeandthatwasthelastthingsheneeded.
Maggieneverdreamedsomeoneelsewouldbeinthehouse.“Jack?”Shelooked
outtothedriveway,bothcarswereparkedthere.Passingthediningroomwindow,shelookedupatthemoon.Thelawnwasbrightandthetreessurroundingthehousestoodlikepostedguards.
Shetiptoedtowardthekitchenwherethemicrowavecontinuedtospin.“Jack?”Shescannedthekitchenandsawtheopenrefrigerator.Asshecloseditshenoticedawhitelightflickerbeneaththe
pocketfolddoors.Panicbegantofillher.
Herpalmsbegantosweatasshemovedslowlytowardthecloseddoors.Shebeggedherleadenlegstomoveforward.Sheheldherbreath.Whocoulditbe?ThegarbledsoundsoftheTVfilledtheroom.Itseemedlikeagesbeforeshereachedthedoors.Maggiehesitatedbeforeliftingherhandtoknockonthedoor.Shetappedtwice,
“Jack.Jaa-ckisthatyou?”Therewasnoanswer.Whatwashedoing?
WhensheturnedaroundJackstoodbehindher,likeastatue.
“Babe,what’sgoingon?”Maggiestammered.
Motionlesshestaredather.
“Jack,what’sgoingon?”Hemovedpastherback
towardthehallway.Herthroatclenched,washe
sleepwalking?Herinclinationtofollow
ledhertothebackdoor,facingtheyard.Jackstoodinthedoorwayoftheporchstaringblanklyintotheyard.
“Issomeoneoutthere?”Hestoodthereinitially
unresponsive.Heheldnoweapon,hadnoanger.Secondstickedbybeforehesaid,tonooneparticular,“Theyarecoming.Hundredsofthem.”
Maggietensedup.“Who’scomingJack?”Hemovedclosertothe
window.“Thesoldiers,”hesaid.
Maggieknewnowthathewassleepwalking.
Shewantedtotellhimthatnoonewasoutthere,thathewasjustdreaming.Buttheyearsofstorieshehadtold,ledhertosaynothing.IfJackwokeup,shedidn’tknowhowtoexplainwhatwas
happening.Whatifheturnedonher?Whatifheyelledandthreatenedher?
Shestoodstillcontemplatinghermoves.Itwasbestnottowakeasleepwalkerandinthiscase,shehadnoideahowJackwouldreact.“Isee,”shereplied,hopingtomoveaway.
Justthenthemicrowavestopped;itbeepedthreetimes.Sheheldherbreath.Jackmovedawayfromthe
windowwithevensteps,likearobot.Shewatchedashemovedtowardthekitcheninatrancelikestate.Heopenedthemicrowaveandhoveredoverthestove.Nothingwasinsidethemicrowave.Stillhestoodthere,staring.
Whatthehellwashappening?
Maggiereturnedtobedthatnightbutdidsointheguestroom.ShelockedthedoorandtoldherselfthatJack
washavinganepisodefromhischildhood.Thatwasthecauseofallthis.Hehadnightterrorsasakidandtalkedtothingsinthedark.Maybesomepartofhimslippedbackintime.Whatelsewasthecause?
Herfistsclenchedthepillows,untiltheyached.Sheopenedhereyes,blinkinghardintothedarkroom.Shewassafenow.Jackwasgone.Thiswasanewworld,anew
home.Noonehadtoknowanything.Shedidn’tneedtoworry.Butsomethinginsideherwouldnotrest.
“MommyIthinkValapeedonherbed.”
Maggieyawnedandlookedatthesunglaringthroughthewindow.Withhervisionnotquiteintact,Maggiestaredatthespot
besideVala'sbed.Itwasn’tpee.Itlookedlikebile;somethinghaddefinitelymadehersick.Sheputherhandoverherhead.Howcouldshehavegottenintoanything?Maggiedidn’tevenusetraditionalcleaners,theyweretootoxic.
"Eli,didyougointothegaragethismorning?"
"No."Hereturnedtohistoyswherehehadbeenplaying.Whatcouldshehave
gotteninto?Eitherway,thedogstillhadtorelieveherself.SheclippedVala’sleashonandheadedtothedoor.“Stayherebuddy,I’lltakeherout.”
Valasniffedthemorningairandstaredoutoverthemountains.Withmethodicstepssheproceededdownthedriveway.Maggiewatchedthedogscanthehorizon.Theemptylotdownthestreethadnewconstruction.Valedid
nottrustthemenworkingthere,whichwasevidentbythewaysheguardedMaggieduringtheirwalks.She’dpushintoMaggie’slegtosteerhertheotherway.Herearswouldshiftwithnoiseandattimesshe’dsit,asifprotestingtonotwalkanyfurther.
Klaushadexplainedthathisdogswerenotraisedtobepets.Theyobservedandtheyworked.Theythoughtfor
theirhumanwhenthehumansensescouldnotdetectapproachingdanger;anynoise,smellormovementthatwasnotpartthehome,wastobetested.Valatestedeverynewthing.
Maggierubbedhershouldersandstaredatherneighbor’sopengarage.ThedoorwaywasfilledwithChristmasdecorations,andaladderleduptotheroofline,wherelightswouldsoonbe
strung.MaggielovedChristmas,butwhohadthetimefordecorating?EveryyearEliaskedtogetsnowglobeorareindeerforthefrontyard,andeveryyearMaggiepassedontheaddedexpense.Perhapsthisyear,theycouldsplurge.
Thecoldairmadeherthankful.And,witheachnewseasonshebegantofeellikelifewasgettingbetter.Heretheyweresafelynestledinan
establishedneighborhood.Shewasfriendlytothepeoplewhowavedasshedroveby.Oneofthemevencheckedonherfromtimetotime,Mrs.VonEffeir.Sweetladybutshewasthetowntalker!
“ComeVala.”Thedogstayedperched
atthetopofthedriveway.Maggielookedinthe
samedirectionasVala,butallshesawwerebarrentrees
andsnowpittedmoundsofdirt.Theoppositesideofthestreethadsparsetreesandsteepdropdowntotheroadbelow.
Clairewasonthephonewhentheyreturnedinside.Maggieblewonherhandscoveredhernose.TheairwasbitterforNovember.Sherewardedthedogandwalkedtowardherbedtocleanupthemess.Clairehowever,wasuninterestedinthe
morningchaos.“Hey,how’syourday
going?”“HiClaire.I’mnotsure
yet,otherthanIamcleaningupafterthedog.”
“That’sfair.WanttogoforcoffeewhileEliisathisbirthdayparty?”Maggiestaredattheclock.“Ohgoodness,Iforgot.Yes,seeyouthere.”
Elisecuredhisbackpackandhustledouttothecar.“IsValacomingfortheride?”
Maggieknewthepartywouldonlylastuntil1:00pm.Maybesheshouldtakeherwithherincaseshegotsickagain.
“Vala,”shecalled.Thedogstoodup,eagertoobey.
KlaushadtoldherthatVala’sgenesmadehertheperfectprotectorforafamily.Shelovedcarrides,walksin
woodsandwouldputupwithsmallchildren.AhomeinColoradoalsoprovidedafittingareaforthedogtoroam.ShepherdsneedexerciseandMaggiecouldhandlethat,mainlybecauseshewantedElitolovetheoutdoors.WhensheneededmoreexercisethanMaggiecouldmuster,sheentrustedElitowalkthedog.Valaknewthedifferencebetweenthechildandhermaster,and
sheneverpulledathimorranaway.
Valastayedinthecarandonlysatupwhensomeoneleftthecar.ShewatchedEliashemadeitintothebuildingsafely,andshe’dpatrolthesidewalkagainwhenMaggiewentinsidethecoffeeshop.
Clairewasinsidethemountaincafé,sittingbythecouchesatasmalltablefortwo.Shesatbacksmiling
withthatingeniousglareonherface,“IseeyoubroughtVala.”
Maggieloopedherbagoverthechairhandleandsatdown.“Yeah,shegotsickthismorning.IthoughtI’dkeepaneyeonher.”
“Sick?Likehow?”“Likesheatesomething
bad;that’sneverhappenedbefore.”
“Sonaturallyyoujustputherinthecarandtookher
withyou?”Oh,howsheloved
Claire’ssarcasm.MaggiewithheldthefactthatValahadpoisontraining.ItwassomethingKlausdidwithallhissecuritydogs.ShewantedValatohaveit.Sothatruledoutherfirstfear.Whatsheateandwheregotit,wasstillpuzzling.
“Didyoutakeheronahike?Maybesheateasquirrelorsomething.”
Maggienoddednoandtuckedherchairintighter.Hikeswerenotonthe’To-Do’list,especiallywiththenightmaresshe’dbeenhaving.Maybeinthespring,shethoughttoherself.
“I’vegotsomethingforyou.”
Clairehandedherabusinesscard.
“What’sthis?”“Justthenameof
someoneIthoughtcouldbe
useful.”Maggiesatback
indignantly,“We’vebeenthroughthis.Iamnotdating.”
Maggiewasagitatedandherfriendknewit.“Whatissofunny?”
“Youobviouslydidn’treadthecard.It’sareferral,notadate.”
“Claire,EliandIarefine.”
“Iwishyouguyswouldmoveclosertotown.Idon’t
likeyoubeingbackinthewoodslikethat.”
“EliandIareperfectlyhappyupthere.Wearen’tbigcitypeople.”
Herfriendridiculedherwiththatknow-it-allstare.“Youcouldgetintroubleupthere,allalone.Godonlyknowswhowandersaboutinthewoods.Allthatlandbehindyou,thenationalforest.Damnfugitivescouldbelurkingaround.”
Maggiesmiled,butthatfearwassomethingshewrestledwithdaily.
Maggiepulledoutherphoneandsnappedapictureofthecard.“Youcankeepthecard.Idon’twantElifindingit.”
“Youdorealizeatthisageheismoreapttofinditonyourphonethaninyourpurse?”
Shehadapoint.“Makethecall.”
CHAPTER5Eliracedintothebedroomat6:45am.“Mom,it’sworking.Igrewaninch,”Hescreechedashepulledheroutofbed.“Awholeinchmomcomeandsee.”
Maggiereachedforherrobe.Thehousewasfreezing.Shetriedtobeinterestedin
Eli’sgrowthbutsomethingwaswrongwiththeheat.Hadthefirediedout?Didsheleavethedoortothegarageopen?
Eliproudlystoodagainstthewallwherehismotherhadtapedagirafferuler.Hisheadfitperfectlybesidethelastmarkshemade.“WOW,youarereallygrowing,”Shesaidproudly.
“Iknewit.I’mgonnabebigasMr.VonEifferdown
thestreet.”Maggiehadtothink
aboutthatforaminute.Mrs.VonEifferlivedalone,orsoshethought.Maybeitwasherson.
“Thanksmom.”Eliwasaverageheight
butlatelyhe’dbeenobsessedwithgrowingtallerthantheotherkidsinhisclass.Shewonderedifeverythingwasalright.“It’stooearlytostartthedaybaby,canyoutryto
gobacktosleep?”“ButI’mtooexcited
mom.CanIjustplayquietly,please?”hebegged
“Eli,youaresupposedtostayinbeduntil7am.”
“WhatifIbringmytoysontothebedwithme,thenIwillbeinbedtillitstime?”Whatmotherwouldsaynotosuchnegotiations?Shewouldgetanotherhourofsleep,andifhefellasleepearlytoday,allthebetter.
Randall’streefarmwasjustsixmilesaheadontheleft.TheyhadasmallSanta’svillageoutside,whichMaggiespottedbeforeEli.Parkingwaseasyandtheywerereasonablypriced.Therewasalwayshotciderandatentthatblewwarmairwhileyouwaitedforthemtoloaditontoyourcar.
Eliwouldprobablyseeafriendortwofromintown.
Butrightnowhehadtwofeetrunningfullspeedtowardthegianttreesinthebackofthelot.
Eli’seyeswereaglowwithatwelvefootbeauty.“Howaboutthisonemom?”Shemarveledatitsgirthandheight.“Sheissomethinghuh.”
“Canwegetit?”“Honey,wherearewe
gonnaputit?”Hissmileddisappeared.
“Itwon’tfitwillit?”Shetussledhishair.“I’m
afraidnot.”“What’sthebiggesttree
wecanget?”Hershrugonlydelayed
theanswer.“Aboutsevenfeet,weneedroomfortheangel.”
Maggie’sgrandfatherhadmadeangelforherwhenshewasalittlegirl.Shestillhaditpackedawayinabox.Afteryearsofmoving,her
Christmasbundlehaddwindleddowntoasmallamountofdecorationsandornaments.
“There’sjustsomethingaboutChristmas,”shecheered.
“Yeah,presents.”Eliadded.
Christmashadalwaysbeenmorethangifts.Evennowthesmellofhotcider,thesparkleofthelights,themerrytonesofcheer,the
cold,theice,thestarrynights;itmadeherfeellikeshewasinaHollywoodmovie.ShegentlyremindedherselfthatChristmashadbeentakenbackbyHalloweenandThanksgiving,everyonefightingmoreadvertisementandyearlongsales.
WherewerethedaysofChristmascarolingandactuallycaringforourneighbor?Whendidpresentsbecomeplasticgiftcardsthat
tooknothoughtatall,ormealsthatresembledlittlecareandpreparation?
Shewasdestinedtofixthat.Perhaps,that’swhytheyboughtthelargetree.Shepaidcashandgotadiscount,thensteeredEliintotheheatedtent.Impulsewillcauseawomantodocrazythings,butthistoppeditall.TherewasatenfoottreetiedtoherVolkswagonandnoonewhocouldhelpittakeoff
oncetheygothome.Hadshebeenfriendlier,
shemayhavehadaneighborortwooffertocomehelp.
Elihadpassedoutinthecarontheridehome.Shepulledupthedrivewayslowly,notsureofwhattodonext.Theskywasdarkby5:15pmandshehadnodinnerandalongwaytodragthisprecioustree.
Maggiesnuckoutofthecarandletthedogout.Vala
wasgood,hertraininghadreallypaidoff.Shetookthedogforashortwalk,keepinghereyesonthecaratalltimes.Youneverknewwhatcouldhappenthesedays.Shehurriedbackinsidewhenthephonerang.Thehousephone,ofallthings.Shebarelyreacheditintime,thevoicesoundedunfamiliarbuttheyknewher.
“Maggiedear,it’sIngridVonEifferfromdownthe
street.ListenIhatetobotheryou,butwejustsawyoudriveby.Mynephewishere,andheiswonderingifhecanhelpyouwiththattreeofyours.”Shehesitated.“I’mfine,Ingrid.Thankyou.”
“Soyouhaveaboyfriendthen?Isthatwho’sgoingtohelpyouwiththetree?”
Againshepaused.“No,noboyfriendhere,”shereplied.“Ihatetotrouble
yournephew.Iwillfindsomeonetomorrow.”
Ingridlaughed.“I’llsendhimrightup.Youcanthankmetomorrow.”
ShehungupbeforeMaggiecouldsayno.
Eliranintothewarmhouse,“Canwestartafiremom?”
Hemadenomentionofexitingthecarwithoutherpermission.Shelookedatthemonstroustreeandbackat
him.Itwasgoingtobealongnight.“Ineedtocheckthefirewoodsituationbabe.”
Sheputthephonebackonthereceiverandbalancedherthoughts.Maybethisscrawnyteencouldatleasthelphergetitinthedoor.
Shepulledoutanoldblanketandspreaditoutonthedriveway,hopingtorollthetreeoffthehood.Beforeshecoulddothemathatherwoodsupplyandfinances,a
darkfigurecametowardthegarage.Herheartstoppedandshetightenedherfists.Thedoorwasopen.EithershewouldmakeitinsideorValawouldrunoutbeforehegottoher.
“Ma’amI’mBenHall,Ingrid’snephew,”hesaidinaverydeep,beautifulvoice.
Maggiesizeduptheruggedjeans,andthickflannelcoat.“You’rethenephew?”Sheasked
incredulously.“Yes,”hesmiledgently.
Hershouldersrelaxedimmediately.
ThemantippedhisheadunderthegaragedoorasMaggie’seyeswidened.Hewastheepitomeofalumberjack,bootsandall.Hehadtostandsixfootthree,easy.Helookedattheroofofhercar,“That’ssometree.”
Sheshrugged,“Thethingsyoudoforyourkids.”
Hesmiledback.Mentalnote,hehasallhisteeth—ararityinthemountains.
“Areyousureyoudon’tmind?”“Iwalkedallthewayuphere;it’dbeashameifyoudon’tletmehelp.”
“You’reagodsendtrustme.”
Helookedatherasifhewantedtoreturnthecomplimentbutrefused.“Wanttoshowmewhereit’s
going?”“Oh,comeonin.”
MaggiewalkedaheadandgaveValathecommandtostanddown,“Bezpency.”
“Nowthat’sabeautifuldog.”Maggieofferednointroductions.“I’veneverseenawhiteshepherdbefore.”Itfeltstrangetohaveamanstandbehindandfollowherintothehouse.Thesensationwasarousing.She
walkedbythekitchenandintothelivingroom,“Iwasthinkingitmayfithere.We’llhavetotrimit,ofcourse,butthelightfromthewindowisperfect.”
“Mommy,you’recuttingmytree?”
Maggiespunonherheels.“Heybaby.ThisisMr.Hall.He’sMrs.VonEiffer’snephew.”
Elirushedforward.“Wow,youareasupertall
man.I’veseenyoubeforewhenwedroveby.”
Benkneltdown.“Hitherelittleman,”hesaidasheheldouthislargehand.“I’mgladtomeetyou.”
“CanyouhelpuswiththeKris-maastree?”ElilovedtoexaggeratethewordChristmas.
Benstoodup.“That’swhyIamhere.”Eli’sneckbentup,“How’dyougettobesotall?”
Benlaughedheartily,likeSantabutwithoutthebeard.“Magicboots.”Elishiftedhiseyestothe
floor.“Wow.”“MomcanIgetmagic
bootsforChristmas?”Hepleaded.
ShelookedtoBenasifthestrangercouldhelpheroutwiththisone.
Helookeddownattheboy,“Youbetterwritethat
lettertoSantaifyouwanttheboots.Andtellhimyouareeatingyourveggiestoo.”
Eli’sshouldersfell.“Butmom,wealreadydidthatinschool.Imailedittothenorthpolelastweek.”
Benpattedhiscurlyhead.“That’sokay.YoucanalwaystalktoSantaatthemall,right?”
“Butmymommydoesn’tlikethemall.Wenevergo.”
“Never?”heasked
glancingatMaggie.“Youhavetotakethe
kidforChristmas.IworkinDenverandthemallthereisdecoratedliketheNorthPole.Youhavetocomeseeit.Thedisplayisoutlandishandveryappealing,Ipromise.”
ElituggedonBen’sjeans.“What’soutlandishmean?”
“Itmeanstheelvesarethere.Andthereisatrain,andlotsofgoodies.”
“Canwegomom,canwe?”Sheskirtedthequestion.“Denverisalongdrivebud.Plus,whatarewegonnadowithVala?Wecan’tleaveherhereallday.”
“Wecouldbringherwithus.”
“Honey,whydon’tyouhelpMr.HallwiththetreeandIwillthinkaboutit.”
Theboyslouchedoverandmumbledtohimself.
“Doyouneedmyhelp?”“Ithinkwecanhandle
it.”Maggiemadeamental
notethatBenwashelpingboostEli’sselfesteem.Itwasamanprojectandshedidn’tneedtointerfere.
ShepulledoutsomeleftoverroastbeeffordinnerandmadesuretherewasenoughincaseBenwantedtostay.ShecouldthankhermotherfortheItaliancooking
gene,shemademorethanwasnecessaryforjustherandEli,andwouldcontinuetodoso.Besides,Eliwasalwaysaskingpeopletostayfordinner.Sheassumedhemissedhisfatherandtriedtocreatehisownfamilybyhavingfriendscomefordinner.
Heinvitedeverybody,evenkidsfromschoolwholivedanhouraway.
Fiveminuteslaterthe
garagedoorswungopenandincameherlittletykewitharednoseandzippedupcoatthatmadehimabitclumsy.“Thisway,”hehollered.Sherushedtothedoorandcloseditbehindthem.
Thetreefarmhadanextralargestand,foranadditionaltwentybucks,plustipforwhoevertiedthemonsterpineontohercar.Shewasinforwelloverahundreddollarsbytimethey
left.ButthesmileonEli’sfacewasworthit.
Thetreewasupinnotime,withoutmuchefforteither.“Wow,”Maggieroundedthekitchencornerandstaredatthemassivepine.”“Ican’tbelieveitfits.”Ofcoursegivenhisheight,Benmadethetreeabitsmaller.
“Itookanothersixinchesoffjusttobesure.I
figuredyoumayhaveanangelorstarthatyouwanttofitatthetop.”
“Wedo.Thankyou.”Maggieturnedbackto
getsomemoneyforBen.“Heymom,canhestay
fordinner?”Shesmiled,havingbeen
onestepaheadofhim.Benheldouthishandinprotest.“That’snotnecessary.”
“It’snoproblem.Iwasalreadyheatingupdinner
whenyouwereoutside.”Hestraightenedup.“I’m
gratefulfortheofferbutIhavetogetback.”
Eli’sshoulderscavedyetagain.Hewaseithercrushedormanipulatingthesituation.Maggiewasn’tsure.
“Buddy,Benhasafamilytoo,heneedstogethome.”
Herheartdidaminorjiltwhenhedidn’tcorrecther.Inherexperienceamanwilllet
youknowifheisavailable.Eitherwayshewasnothavingahandsomeruggeddinnerguestanditwasbesttoletthenotiongo.
“Itwasapleasuremeetingbothofyou.Ihopetoseeyousoon,”
ElifollowedBentothegaragedoorandwatchedasMaggiecloseditbehindhim.Hisbehaviorremindedherthathersonwasgrowingupwithoutafatherfigure;and
thatwasherchoice.Eliwouldneverhearfromhisfatheragain,wouldhe?Andshe’dholdontothatsecretuntilshedied.
CHAPTERSIXMaggiewokeat1:50am,
rubbingherneck.Thefirewasatadullroar.Sheclosedthefluteandtrailedoffto
bed.ShehadaglassortwoofwineandperusedthroughherfavoriteonlinecatalogonceElifellasleep.HehadtalkedaboutBenfornearlyanhouronceheleft.
Maggiefeltatwingeofguiltyetagainforbeingasinglemom,butshewasn’tabouttodatesomeonejusttopleaseherson.There’snowayshewasready—notevenifMr.Hallwasavailable.Herstubbornness
hadbecomequitethedefense.Itservedherwelltoo.
SheshutoffthelightsandpeeredintoEli’sroom.Thebrightglowofhisglobewasstillspinning;evensheenjoyedtheuniversedisplayasitmovedalongtheceiling.Hewantedhertokeepitonallnightasarewardforfinallymovingintohisownbedroom.
Assheshutthedoor,shethoughtofBen.Itwasa
strangebutcomfortablefeelingtohaveamanintheirhome.Amanshefoundattractive,inaruggedsortofway.Butwhatwasattraction,otherthanagroupofhormonesandchemicalsthatledtostupiddecisions?
Whatsheneeded,ifsheevenneededman,wassomeonewhowasdocileandtrustworthy.NotsomeonewhoworkedinDenveranddidGodknowswhatwhilehe
wasgone.Itwastooeasythesedaystopoppills,haveaffairs,hideyourtrueself.No,shewasbetteroffwithVala.ThenClaire’svoicewanderedthroughhermind.Youcan’thideforeverMaggie.OnedayyouhavetofindafatherforEli.
Assoonasshepushedawaythethought,Benpoppedupinhermindagain.Shefeltthesmilegraceherfaceandblushedeventhough
noonewaslooking.Klauswasonthephone
whenMaggiearrived.TheofficelookedevenmessierthanwhensheleftitonFriday.Shefishedthroughthemail,sortingbills,checks,advertisementsandrequests.Nextshecheckedthefaxmachine.Klausdidn’tseemtocareaboutfinances;whichiswhyheneededMaggie.Healsohatedemail,soshespentagoodhalfhourperday
printingoutincomingmessagesbeforesendingareply.
Businesswasbooming,especiallywithallthefussabouthandgunsandpersonalprotection.Maybeitwastimeforhertoaskforaraise;itcouldn’thurt.Hewasagoodboss.Henevercomplainedandhedidn’taskquestions,unlessitpertainedtothecanineindustry.Eveninthebeginning,heonlysecured
enoughinformationaboutherhistorytopairherupwiththerightdog.Whetherornotheunderstoodherfear,shedidnotknow.Tohimitwasjustlikeanyothersale.
Perhaps,thelessheknewthebetter.AsfarasMaggiewasconcerned,shefeltmorecomfortableherethanatanywoman’ssheltershe’dstayedinalongtheway.
Klaushungupthephone
andmarkedthewallcalendar.“TheAuroraK9unitwillbecomingnextmonth,”hesaid,voidofanyemotion.
“That’sgreat.They’vebeenupintheairforweeksnow.”
“Well,it’sofficial.AndIevenraisedmyprice,sincetheygavemesuchtrouble.”
Klaushadbegunanewprogramfornarcoticsdogs.OneofhisDEAclientsbackEastwasscheduledfor
trainingthreedaysthisweek.Shehadtohandittohim,Klausdidnottravel,everyonecametohim.Hewasoneofthebest.Theydidn’tadvertiseinRobbReportandhigh-endmagazines.YouonlyfoundKlausthroughareferral.That’showheknewyouwereserious,andthatyouhadthefinancestoaffordhim.
Maggiereadanarticleinagunmagazinethat
interviewedKlaus.Theinformationwasincredibleandoutlinedthepersonalsecurityadogcouldaddtosecuritydetailformillionaires.Hebelievedyoushouldtakeyourdogwithyouwhenyoutravel,itwouldthwartoffattackers.Andwhenyouownabilliondollarcompany,youmakeenemies.Someofthemwon’twaitforyouathome—hencebringingthedog.
ThecoolairwhippedinbehindEli.Heclimbedintothebackofthecarandbuckledhimselfinhisseat.Hispuffycoatmadeitdifficult,soMaggiemadehimunzipit.
“Heybuddy,howwasyourday?”
“Good.”Hischeekswereredfromwaitingoutside.Heheldontoagreenpieceofpapereventhoughthewindtuggeditfromhislittlehands.
“Whatdoyouhavethere?”Shetookthepaperandreaditastheycreptforwardoutoftheschoolpickupline.“You’recollectingpineconesforaChristmascraft.Howcoolisthat?”
“It’sgonnabefun.Canwegetsomefromouryard?Therearehugeonesinthebackatthebottomofthehill.”
Maggiewasn’tafanofthehill.Itwasfunfor
sleddingbutwalkingbackuptothehouse,haditschallenges.
“Itellyouwhat,whydon’twegotothestoreandbuytheothersuppliesthiswaywecansupporttheschoolandthenwhenitwarmsup,wewillcollectplentyofconesinouryard.”
Elishookhishead,alreadysippingawayatthechocolatemilkshebroughtforhim.
Thelightsintownwerefarandfewbetween.Maggiesailedupthebusyroute.Thetwentymiletrekbetweentownswasfilledwithrockycanyonsandsparsefirtrees.Spacingoutatthelight,MaggiestartedtothinkaboutBen.SheknewhewantedtoreturntoDenver,sowhydidheaskherout?HedidcomebackandspenttimewithEli.Thatdoesn’treflecttheactionsofaguywho’s‘not’
interested.Still,whatwasshedoing?Wasthissomesortofpeptalktogetherreadyforadateorworse,toprepareherincasetherewasnodate.
Maggiecheckedtherearviewmirrorwhentheydrovethroughtown.Shesmiledastheycametoaredlight.Eliwassingingalongtohisfavoritetune,whenshelookedbackagainshenoticedamaninadarkhoodycrossingthestreet.Herheart
froze.Shecouldn’tseethe
person’sfacebutthewalkwasfamiliar.Shewatchedhimreachthecornerandheadupahill.Therewerenorestaurantsorgasstationsinthearea,andthelightwasacrossingonlyforcarsthatlivedinCascade.
“BEEEEEPPPPPPP.”Thecarbehindherslammedonthehorn.Hereyeswerefixedontheman.She
hesitatedtomove.Thefigureclimbeduparockyformationandkeptgoing.WasitJack?
“Gomommy,”Elicalled.
Thelightturnedorangeandcarscontinuedtopass.Shepressedonthegasandspedthroughthesignal.“Elihoney,Mommyhasagreatidea.Whydon’twegohomeandwarmupbythefire.Wecandothestoreonawarmerday.”
Shekeptdrivinganddugthroughherpurse.Herthroatclosed.WasthatJack?Orwashermindplayingtricksonher?
ValawasatthedoorandMaggierushedEliinside.Heswervedapaperplanethroughtheairlikeafighterjet.“Mom,lookit’sonfire,”hesaideagerlyasheranaroundher.
Maggieneverknewtherightresponsewhenher
entirebodytensedupandEliwasjustplayingaslittleboysdo.Shewantedtostophim,protecthimandsometimesevenyell,butwhatgoodwouldthatdo.
AtbedtimeMaggieurgedElitogotosleep.HermindwasinaquandaryoverBen.Shehadbeenhopingtohearfromhim,butnothing.Shebegantowonderwhy.
Maggiestoodstill,theechooffootstepscamefrombehindher.Shespunback,tryingfigureoutwhichwaysheshouldgo.Thetreeswerevastandsprawling,neitherdirectionseemedsafe.Shebegantolookaround,andlookedup.Wherewasshegoingtohide?
Justthentheriflefired.Maggieopenedhereyes
andclenchedherchest.Shelistenedforthesoundbut
realizeditwasthedreamagain.Thistime,Valawasstaringatherfromthesideofthebed.Sheproppedherselfuponhershoulders,andlookedaround.Thetimewas5:35am.
“Whatisitgirl?”Thedogbackedup,
signalingMaggietofollowher.Itwasnotlikelythatthedoghadtogooutside,Valahadascheduleandsherarelydeviated.Thankfulthatshe
sleptasolidsixhours,shepushedthecoversbackandwalkedtowardthewindow.Thesunhadyettoriseinherbackyard.
Maggiecheckedonherlittleguy,Valastayedclosetoher.Hewouldbeupsoon,readyforhisSaturdaymorningcartoons.
Sheusuallylefthisdoorajar,astonotwakehim.Thankfullythechildwasstillasleep.Shestaredatherbaby,
wishinginherhearttherehadbeenmorechildren.Butshewouldn’ttradehimfortwoothers.Hewasherpreciousmiracleandsheneededtorememberthat.
Maggietuckedherhairbehindherearsandpressedakisstohisplumpcheek.Thenshepulledhisblanketsuptohiswaist.Hewasalwayskickinghiscoversoffinthemiddleofthenight.Itwasaconstantstruggle.He’dkick
offthecoversinasweatandlatercooloffwithoutthem,hencethemiddleofthenightbedwettingaccidents.
Shewenttothekitchen,pouredherselfacupofwaterandheateditupinthemicrowave.Shedidn’tconsiderherselfanofficialteadrinkeruntilsheboughtateapot!Fornowshewasanex-coffeedrinkerwhojustwantedsomethingwarmtosipandbesides,hotchocolate
wasunkindtothehips.Valawalkedovertothe
doorandlayonherbed.Itwascustomaryforhertosleeptherewhenthenightwassettlingin.StillMaggiewonderedifherdreamswerebotheringthedog?Couldshetellsomethingwaswrongwithhermaster?
MaggieshuffledbacktoherbedandflippedontheTV.Whycookingshowsputhersleep,shestillhadn’t
figuredout,buttheyworked.Shelookedoveratherjournalonthenightstand.Shehadovertwoweeksuntilhernextappointment,whoknowswhatmayhappenbeforethen.Maybelifewouldgetbetter,maybeshewouldmiraculouslyheal.Maybe.
CHAPTER7
ClairecalledonthewaytoSt.Bart’s.ShewantedtomeetupandgiveMaggiesomeclothesherdaughtersweren’twearing.Maggiehadbeenlosingweightforoverayear,shewasdowntoahundredpounds,anotherthingher
therapistwarnedheragainst.Clairewastheonlyonewhodidn’tpesterheroverthewholeissue.Maggiewasasinglemomwithasecret,andthatmadeforstress,andstresscausedhertoskipmeals,whichledtoweightloss.
Shereluctantlyagreed,hopingtostayinthesamemoodaslastnight.Andshewouldnot,shelookedintherearviewmirror,underany
circumstance,tellClaireaboutBen.She’dneverheartheendofit.
ShepulledintotheonlyspaceattheGreenCaféandbrushedpasttwogentlemenwhoheldthedooropen.Thankyoushewaved,happytowarmupinsidethebuilding.Mostofthecrowdgottheirmorninglatteandranbackoutthedoor,sheandClaireweretheluckyones,theywereabletositandchat.
“What’swithyou?”Claireburrowedhereyes
intoMaggie.“What?”Maggieunwoundherscarfandtriedtoholdhackhersmile.“Yeah,see,youaresmiling?”Whyareyousmiling?”“Becauseit’salmostChristmas,that’swhy.”
Clairewriggledherfingerintheair.“I’montoyou.Something’sup.”“Seriously,wedroveup
toatreefarmandgotthismonstersizepine.Eli’shappy,soI’mhappy.”
“HaveyoustartedChristmasshoppingyet?”
“Can’tsaythatIhave,”sheansweredguiltily.
“Butyouhaveideasright?”Claireatehermuffinandwipedherfingers.“DokidsstillwritetoSanta?”
“Ofcoursetheydo.Whatfunwouldthatbetosendinanemail?”
“Well,takealookathislist,picksomethingfromthere.”
“YouaresneakyClaireBarker.”
Thegirlsweresmiling,asadarkfigurecaughtMaggie’seye.Shesawthesamehoodedfigurepassbythecoffeeshop.Shefroze.
Clairedroppedhermuffin.“What’swrong?”
Sheswallowedhard,andlookedatherfriend,then
backtothewindow.“IthoughtIsawJack.”“BrushitoffMaggie.”Sheshookherhead,herheartwasracing.“Maggie,look,it’sjustyourhypervigilance.Witheverythingyou’vebeenthrough,youaregoingtohavedayswhenthissneaksuponyou.”“Iknow.”
“Therearealotofcreepsoutthere.Itstillscaresmetothinkthatthiscouldhappenagain.”Maggiereachedforherhand.Shewaswellawarethathermindcouldbeplayingtricksonher.DoctorGibbonshadexplainedthistohernumeroustimes,particularlywhenshequestionedherself.Jack’spsychosishadwornoffonher.Shewasnottheonewith
amentalillness.WhatwashappeninghadtodowithshiftsinherthinkingasJack’sthoughtsstoppedbeingherown.ItwasJackwhotrainedhertofear,toseethingsthatwerenotthere,whoinstilledterrorandtheopportunityforhorror.
Dr.GibbonssaiditwouldtakeyearsforMaggietothinklikearegularperson,notthatsheknewwhatthatwas.Sheremovedhercoat,as
herbodyheatrose.Shesatbackinherchairandrubbedherhandsoverhertiredeyes.
“Areyouallright?”Sheexhaledand
flattenedherpalmsonthetable.
“Maggie,you’rerelapsing.Breathehoney.”
“He’snotdead.Jack’snotdead.”
Clairetwistedinherchair.“Whatdoyoumeanhe’snotdead?”
Sheswallowedhard,“Imean,Iledyoutobelievethathewas,butIdidn’tkillhim.Ionlypretendhewas,butit’snottrue,thoughIwishitwas.”
Maggie’sjawdroppedopened.“OhmyGodMaggie,doyouthinkhefoundyou?”
Sheexhaledagain.“Idon’tknow.Ithoughtitwasmyimagination,anditcouldbe.”Hermindracedto
incidentofValabeingsickandherstaringoutovertheridgeyesterday.
“Maybethat’swhatyournightmaresareabout.Maybefateistryingtowarnyou.”
Maggiestraightenedup.“It’snotfate.It’sGod.”Sheletthatsettleinsideher.“WhatdoIdo?”
“Youcallthatlawyer,andthenyougotothecops.”
“Ihavearestrainingorderbackathome,butI
needthestateofColoradotoupholdthat.”
“Maggie,thatpieceofpaperisnotgoingtosaveyourlife.Youneedtocallthatlawyer.YouneedaNationalProtectiveOrder.”
ShereachedforherphoneandremindedherselfthatValawasherprotection.Aslongasthedogstayedwithher,Jackcouldn’ttouchher.
MaggieparkedoutsidetheDenverlawbuilding.Wearingtheonlyfeminineblousesheowned,shebuttoneduphercoatandstrodeintotheexpansivelobby.Thesecurityguardwavedherthroughandshetooktheelevatortothefourteenthfloor.Shecalledonawhimandspokewiththe
secretary.Collinwasnotedastheareasonlyreputableattorneywithabackgroundincriminallaw.Thesecretaryseatedherintheexpansive,ornatewaitingarea.Shewatchedasafewparalegalsorassistantsbuzzedabout.ThenthedooropenedandCollincameouttogreether.
Shewalkedpastafewdoorsandfinallyintotheconferenceroom.Maggietuckedinherskirtbefore
sittingdown.“Ms.Burke,howareyou?”“Notwell,otherwiseIwouldn’tbehere.”
“Iunderstand.”Maggielookedaround
theroom.Shecouldtellfromtheoversizedchairsandwallofwindowsthatthefirmwasdoingwell.Collinflippedopenapadofpaperandbegantowrite.“Canyoutellmewhyyouareseekinganinjunctionagainstyour
husband?”Maggieunderstoodthat
thesecretarywasprobablyillinformedonthereasonforhervisit.Sheremovedthepaperworkfromherhandbagandstatedthatshealreadyhadaprotectiveorderfromherhomestate,butshewantedtoensurehersafetyhereinColorado.
Shehandedhimthepapersandsatback,notsurehowhewouldreacttoher
ordeal.Somanyotherpeoplejuststared;itwasbeginningtomakeherfeelostracized.
Shefoldedherlegsandbreathedindeeplywhilehethumbedthroughthedocuments.“You’vecertainlybeenthroughtheringer.”
Shesmiledcurtly.“Wedon’tseemanyof
thesedocumentsMaggie.AndI’mverysorrythatyouevenneedone.”Hedroppedthepaperworkandtippedhis
chairback.“Itsayshereyourex-husbandwillsoonbereleasedfromjail.”
“IwastoldIwouldbenotifiedpriortohisrelease.Ihaven’tcalledtheattorneywhowashandlingthisbackathome.”
Helookedherintheeye.“Doyouwantmetohandlethisforyouorareyoujustherefortheconsultation?”
“IassureyouItakethisveryseriously.Ihavealittle
boyathomethatIwanttoprotect.Idon’twanttobecaughtinasituationwhereifhecomesafterme,Iamleftunprotectedbythelaw.”
“Underthesecircumstances,Ifeelthejudgewillupholdtheprotectiveorderorissueano-contactorder.Thelastthingthestatewantsisalawsuitontheirhands.Oncewegetit,thelocallawenforcementwillbenotifiedandtheycan
helpyoushouldheheadthisdirection.”
Maggiesatback.Shehadalreadybeentothelocalpolicestationandshowedthemherdocuments.Whatshewantednowwastoliveinpeaceasifthingscouldn’thappen.
“Wewillpreparefortheworst.Don’tyouworry.”
CHAPTER8
Maggiefeltlikethewingsofhopehadlatchedontoherbackandgivenherflight.Everythingwasgoingtobealright.Shecouldbreathenowandenjoytheholiday.Klaushadbeenkindenoughtolethertakethedayoffsothatwasahugehelp,andshe
wasalsothankfulthattheschoolhadroomintheiraftercareprogramtowatchEliwhileshedrovebackfromDenver.Theofficevisitwasalsofree,partoftheconsultationnetwork.Sofar,theGodhadbeenonherside.
Klauswouldpayherfortheextrahourssheputin,soshestoppedbytheofficeafterdroppingElioff.Itwasalotofextradrivingbutitwasworthit.Pullingthrough
McDonald’sshepickeduptwohotchocolatesonherwaytotheschool,hopingEliwouldn’tbetooupsetshepickedhimuplate.Littlekidshatebeinglast.
Maggieparkedthecarandheadedinside.Thewindwasblastingfullforce.Onceshesignedhimoutofaftercare,hislittlehandsweresobusyplayinghedidn’twanttogohome.“Dowehavetogo?”hewhined.
“Yes,it’stimefordinner.”
“Butmom.”Maggieluredhimoutby
promisingtopickupthepineconesoncetheygothome.Shestucktoherpromise.
Elilefthisbookbaginthecarandraninsideforaboxtocollectthepinecones.Theweatherwasn’tgettinganywarmerandwiththeextraworkMaggiehadpiling
upinhercar,thiswasthebestwaytospendtimewithEliandgethisassignmentdone.
SheclippedonVala’sleashandheadedouttotheyard,“ComeonEli.Thesunisgoingdown.”
Maggie’sstreetwasnotyourtypicalresidentialneighborhood.ThereweresubdivisionsinColorado,butherswasmoresecludedandadirtroadthatleduptosome
largerhomesthatoverlookedthemainroute.Theboundarybetweenpropertieswasoftenunmarkedbutunderstood,youdidn’ttrespassonyourneighborslawn,notinthehillcountrywhereeverybodycarriesarifle.
Thefarthertheydriftedfromthehouse,themoreloomingMaggiefelt.WhatifherdreamwasaboutEli.Washetheonebeingshotat?
Shedeterredherfearsto
Vala.Shewouldknowifanyonewasoutside,she’dhearthembeforeMaggiecouldeverseethethreat.
“Notmuchfartherhoney.”
Elikeptchargingfullsteamahead.Shelovedhisfervorbutitwasgettingcold.Thewetgroundwasalsoprovingtobeslick.MaggiekeptaloosereignonValaandwatchedherfooting
“Eli,that’senough.We
needtowalkback.”“Alittlemoremom.”Hewasnolonger
pickinguppinecones.Shelookeddownthehillsidetothebackofsomeone’sproperty.Therewasamanpullingintothedriveway.ItlookedlikeBen’struck,butshecouldn’tmakeitout.
Aminutelaterthebackdooropenedandoutcamethreedogs.
Valastoodatalertand
MaggietoldElitostop.“There’sBenmom.”Inhislittlevoicehe
calledfromthehill.“UphereMr.Ben.”
Maggiethoughtaboutit.Withthewaytheroadturneditcouldbehisaunt’shome.Thatmadeherfeelevensafer.Sofar,everythingwasgoingsmoothly.
Benstayedfordinner.
Betteryet,hefoundher
apron,pouredheraglassofwineandkickedheroutofthekitchenwhileheandElimademeatballs.
Perchedonthecouch,shelovedtheideaofdatingBenbutherheartwasn’tsosure.BenwasperfectwithEliandEliadoredBen.Hewantedtogoeverywherewithhim.Benthis,Benthat.Shehopedshewasn’tsettinghimupforheartbreak.Maggiesatwithherlegs
crossedflippingthroughhermagazine.“Ben,areyouafanofthebeach?”“YesIam,”hereplied,asheturnedontheoven.
Hedugsomerollsoutofthefreezerandpreparedtomakesubsandwiches.Eliwasemptyingtherefrigeratorashegatheredthenecessarysaladitems.“Lettuce,tomatoes,onions,carrots,cucumbers.”HepushedthemuponthecounterasBen
finisheduprollingthemeatintotennisballsizemonstersandslidthetrayintheoven.Elihadfinishedhisjobandwashedup.
“Heybuddy,whydon’tyougoplaywithyourmom,whilethesecook.”
Hescurriedovertohischesssetandarrangedthepieces.“Willwehavetimetoplay,mom?”
“Yesmylove.Wecertainlydo.”
Dinnerwasfilledwithlaughter.Itwassogreattohavecompany.Thetablewasbigenoughforsix,soeatingwithjusttwomadeitseemincomplete.Ithadbeenawhilesincethefamiliarsoundofherson’slaughterfilledthehouse.Shecouldchasehimandplaybutwithonlytwopeoplethegamewasn’tasmuchfun.ElitookBen’shandandsnuckoffthroughtheroom.
Maggiekepthereyesshut.Theblazefromthefirewastheonlylightinthehouse.WhenMaggiesoundedoff,“twenty,hereIcome.”Herstomachfluttered.
Shetrailedofftotheclosetandagaintothebedrooms.Shepatteddownthebedandreachunder.Theonlyroomleftwasthebathroom.Shesweptherarmthroughthetub,nevercheckinglow.Thensheheard
thatsqueakygiggle,andEliwasfound.
“Awmom,Idon’twanttohide.”
“ComeoutandhelpmefindBen.”
“Ohyouwon’tfindhimmom.He’stoobigtofitanywherebutbehindthedoor.”
Maggiebitherlip.Hiscutenesswastooextreme.Shewalkedbackintothekitchen.Benwasstealthyshe
hadtogivehimcredit.Elistartedtosquirm;she
couldtellshewasgettingclose.WhenMaggieturnedaroundtoshushhim,Bensteppedoutandtickledher.“Again,”Elicried.“Let’splayagain.”
“Okay,butyou’reit.”Theboyranoffcounting
asheroundedthecorner.“Whereshouldwehide?”
Maggiebentdownbesidethecouch,ifshe
tuckedherheaddownshewouldfit.Benwentandstoodbythefireplace,movingtheoldfashionedcoatrackinfrontofhim.Eli’sfeetpatteredacrossthefloor,“ReadyornothereIcome,”hehollered.Hiseyesadjustedtothelightandhelookedaround.“Iknowyouareoutherebecausenoonecamebymydoor.”Hespunaroundthecouchandtaggedme.
“You’reitagainmom!”And,beforeIknewithe
pushedthecoatrackoutofthewayandsquealedtofindBen.Ican’trememberhowlongithadbeensinceIfeltsorelaxedandhappy.Ijustdidn’twantthenighttoend.But,likeallgoodthings,itdid.
BensaidgoodnighttoEliandlethimselfout.
Eli’steacher,Mrs.Thompson,calledonFriday.Maggiespokebrieflywithhersinceshecalledwhileabuyerwasintheoffice.SheagreedtomeetwithherafterdismissalandreturnedherfocustothebreederfromCanadalookingforadogforaclient.
Mrs.Thompsongreetedheratthedoor.“Thankyouforcoming.”
Maggieremovedher
coat,hopingEliwasokay.Theteachersoundedalittlecrossonthephonesoshepresumedthetykewasintrouble.Thequestionwas,howmuchtrouble?
Mrs.Thompsonsatatherdeskandpointedtothechairbythewallasacomfortableplacetosit.“Ididn’twanttoalarmyoubutElihasbeenabitobsessedthisweek,especiallyinhisdrawings.”Sheunfoldeda
pieceofpaperwithatallman,wearingwingsstandingnexttoatree.Maggielookedagain,brushingherbangsbackfromherface.“Ohmy.”
“Doyouknowwhothisis?”
Maggiebroughtthedrawingcloser.“Yes,Ithinkthisismyneighbor’snephew,Ben.He’sbeenspendingsometimewithEli.”
“Wellyoursonseemstothinkheissomesortofmagic
superhero.He’sbeentellingthewholeclassthatasuperherocametohishousefordinnerbuthadtogobecausethereweremorepeopletohelp.”
Shefoldedherarms.“WhatexactlyisyourconcernMrs.Thompson?”
She’dbeenthroughthisbefore.Eliwasnotliketheotherkids.Hewaswithdrawnbutextremelyactive.Hebondedwiththeboysbut
wantedtobetheirleader,andifhecouldn’tconvincethekidstodothingshisway,hewouldrefusetojoinintheiractivity.
Maggiewasfinesofar,untilMrs.Thompsonnextstatement.“Ihopeeverythingisfineathome.”
“Everythingisgoinggreat.”
“Areyousureaboutthat?’
Maggieretracted.“Mrs.
Thompson,Ifailtoseehowaninnocentdrawing,that,mightIaddhasnoknivesorgunsinthepicture,wouldmakeyouthinkthatEliisunderstress.”
Theteacherdidnotagree.“Idon’twanttoseeEligetabrokenheart.Itwillaffecthisgradesandhisabilitytopayattention.”
“Hisgrades!’Maggie’svoicebegantoriseasshefelttheheatfillhercheeks.This
waskindergarten.Andyes,thereweresomedayswhenEliwasprobablystressedbecausehismotherwashavingnightmares,andElimostcertainly,wasnotliketheotherkids.He’dbeenraisedinavolatilehome.Howwashesupposedtoact?shethoughtbutdidn’tsay.
Itwasallshecouldsaybeforeshelostcontrol.Thesepeopledidnotunderstand.Notoneofthem.Hadn’tthey
readhisfile?Didn’ttheyknowanything?What’salittleboywithnofathersupposedtothinkanddraw?
“Ithinkyourexpertisestopsattheendoftheschoolday.Nowifmysonhurtssomebodyordirectsanyangeronhimself,youcancallme.Butnotuntilthen.”
Shestormedoutoftheroom.
Elistayedquietasshespedupthemountain.She
wassurehecouldtellfromhererraticdrivingthatshewasupset.Kidswereinsightful.Witheverythinggoingonintheworld,whatwouldmaketheschoolquestionEli’sbehaviorbasedonadrawing?It’snotlikehewascarryingaweapon,whichhisdadwouldhaveencouraged.
Herthoughtsdriftedbacktothenightsheheardaclusterofwhisperscoming
fromhisbedroom.Shesteppedintotheroom,itwasdark.SheknewEliwasawakesheheardhimspeaking.Butnowitwassilent.
“Eli,whoareyoutalkingtoo?”
“Noonemommy.”Herpaniclevelrose.
Jackhadoftenseenthingsthatweren’tthere.“Eli,issomeoneelseintheroomrightnow?”
Hedidnotrespond.Sheprodded,“Honey,answermommy.”
“Nomommy.”“Eli,areyoufighting
somethingevilinyourmind?”“Iwastellingsomethingeviltogoaway.Ididn’twantittohurtyou.”
Shegulped.Whatwasthesomethingevil?Shedidn’tallowhimtowatchgrownupTVandallthe
cartoonhewatchedhadtobelowviolenceandnotscary.They’dbeenoverthisbefore.
“Areyoualrightmommy?”
“Yeshoney,Iamfine.”Thenherolledoverand
wenttosleep,tellingherthathelovedher.
CHAPTER9
ThehousewascoldwhenMaggieandElireturnedhomefromschool.“Eli,gocheckthedoorinyourroomandmomma’swindow.Seeiftheyareopen.”
Shedidn’tworryabouttheirbeinganintrusion,Vala
wouldhavealertedhertothat.Onherwaybacktowardthelivingroom,Maggienoticedthemicrowaveclockblinking.“Hadtheylostpower?”
Sherubbedherarmsandcheckedthethermostat.Itwassetat70°butitread59.
Elireportedthatbothwereclosedandlocked.“Stayinside,I’mgoingtoletthedogoutandgetsomefirewood.”
“Yesma’am.”Hewasascompliantasever.Shemadeamentalnotetotellhimshewasproud.Hedidn’tseemtomindthecold.Afirewouldheatthingsupquickly,sosheleashedValaandheadedouttothewoodpilenearthegarage.
Thepalatewasempty.Thatwasimpossible.Shemadeafirelastnightandthewoodwasthere.“Thieves!”
Maggiecalledthree
wooddeliveryservices.Eachonewasbusierthanthenextandshecouldn’taffordtopayapremium,notwiththeupcominglawyerfees,andChristmas.Ofcoursetherewerecheaperlessdependablemethods,likesignsbydriveways,oronlinelistingsbutshehadnowaytotransportthewood.Asalastresort,shecouldcallsomeneighborstoseeifanyofthemhadseenanyone
suspiciousaroundorevenhadtheirwoodpilestolen.Maybesomeonehadalreadyreportedit.
Herfirstcallwastotheelderlycouplenextdoor,noanswer.Shehadtheirnumberincaseofanemergencybutotherthanwatchingthemdecoratefortheholiday,shehadnotseenthem.Thentherewasthecoupledowntheway,withafuryofboys.They’dhavefirewood.
Wrong.Theywereoutoftownandkepttheirwoodsupplylockedupinthebackyard.
AfterhissnackEliranintoherbedroomandwiggledundertheblanketsuntilhegotcomfortable.“Baby,Ijustmadethebed.”
“CanwehaveMr.Benoverfordinner?Hewasrealnicetome.AndIdon’tknowalotofmen.”
MaggiebegantoseetheobsessionMrs.Thompsonpointedout,butitwasstillahealthything,towantamalerolemodel.“Wecaninvitehimhoney,butrightnowmommyisworriedaboutthefirewood.CanyoustayinmyroomwhileImakeafewmorecalls?”
“Yesmom,butpromisemeyouwillaskhim.”
“Iwill,butlet’snotgetourhopesup.”
Elilaidstill,“Mom,whydoyoualwaystellmethat?”hequestioned.
Shetuckedinhisblankets.“Tellyouwhat?”
“WhydoyousayIshouldn’tgethope?Youalwaystoldmetokeepmyhopesup.Nowyoutellmenottoo.”Shepattedhisgoldencurls.“Ijustdon’twantyoutogethurt,baby.That’sall.”
“Noone’sgonnahurtme
mom.IputonmymagicbootsandI’mgonnabestrongjustlikeMr.Ben.”
“Ibetyouwill.”“Aslongasyouaskhim
tocome,hewill.Iknowit.”Shebreathedindeeply.
“I’llaskhim,Ipromise.”Takingadeepbreathshetriednottosounddesperate.ShedialedtheVonEiffer’shomephone.WhenthephonerangshehopedBenwouldanswer.Thephonewentrightto
voicemail.“HiMrs.V,thisisMaggiefromupthehill.Iwaswonderingifyouhadanysparefirewood,mycompanycan’tmakeitupheretillTuesdayandIamout.Andthankyousomuch,forsendingyournephewup.Hewasatremendoushelp.Talkwithyousoon.”
AssheendedthecallhermindwanderedtoJack.Whatifhefoundher,whatifhewastheonewhotookher
wood?MaybehewasoutofjailandhecametoCascade.Maybeitwashimthatshesawintown?
Claire’svoicefollowedthatthought.ShetoldMaggieitwasnormaltoexperiencehyper-vigilance,itwasjustherbrain’swayofunderstandingwhathappened.Itmeantthatrandomthingswouldhappenandshewouldassignameaningtoitthatmadethe
mostsense.Buthertypeof“sense”alwaysputheronguard.
Valagrowledandmovedtothefrontdoor.Maggie’sheartraced.Shetookherphoneandbegandialing911.Elihoppedoutofbedandrantothedoor.“There’satruckmommy?Who’shere?’
Sheputherarmaroundtheboyandlookedoutside.
Theredtruckwasstackedwithwoodandtheliftgatewasdown.PuttingonhersweatershefollowedElioutside.
ThesunwasstillhidingbehindthecloudswhenBenHallappearedroundingthecornerfromherhouse.“Ben?Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hesmiled,lumberingcloser,“Ourwoodpilegotswipedearlythismorning.Myauntsentmeuptocheck
onyouearlier,alreadysawthesamehadhappenedhere.”
“Howmuchwooddidyoubring?”
“About1/2arick.”Shewasflabbergasted.
“Wow,Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
“Peoplecanfreezeinthisweather,yougottohaveheat,”hesaidwarmly.Maggiefeltherfaceflush.
Maggiehadnotforgottenaboutherthermostat.“My
heat’souttoo.Thisisreallyagodsend.”
Bendroppedtheloadofwood.“Whatdoyoumeanyourheatisout?”
Heremovedhisglovesandpointedtothehouse.
“HowaboutyouopenthedoorandIbringthisloadinside.”
“That’dbegreat.”Sheturneduptowardthehouse.
EliwasonhiswayoutwithValawhenhespotted
Ben.Hedroppedthedogleashandranover.“HiBen,canIhelp?”
“Surelittleman.”HehandedhimtwologsandEliwaddledalongsidehimbackintothehouse.
“Doyoufeelthat?”“Yeah,itfeelslikeadraft.”Benlookedaroundthehouse,“Ithinkti’scomingfromthebasement,”hesaid.Maggie’shousehada
smallfurnishedroomdownstairswhereshedidthelaundry.ShewalkedtothewindowwhileBeninvestigated.Theclosershegottothewindow,themorethehairraiseduponthebackofherneck.Therewerefootprintstrudgingthroughherbackyard.Itcamefromtheneighbor’syardandcrossedthroughheadingbackintothewoods.Thatwasstrange.
“Eli,comeherebaby,”shecallednervously.Theboyranintothekitchenandstayedbyhismom.“It’scoldinmyroom.”“Iknow.Don’tworry,Ben’sgoingtofixit.”Afewminuteslater,whiletheanxietywasalreadyrisingupinsideher,shecomparedthefootprintsandtherealityofJackbeingloose,tothecoincidenceoflowgasorsomeother
homeowner’sdilemma.Asherheartraced,Benmadeitbackupthestairs.Hewarmedhisshouldersandtoldherthethermostatbroke.
Maggiesmiled.Shescaredherselffornothing.
BencalledarepaircompanyintheSpringsandhadatechcomeupbeforedinner.ThenhereturnedhisattentiontoEli.
Maggiewatchedfromthekitchenasshesortedher
mailandputawaythedishes.Thisisexactlywhatheneeded,malebonding.Togethertheywenttothefireplace.Benpiledupsomewoodbesidethemantle.“Eliputthosepiecesrighthere,”hesaidpointingtothemetalrack.“I’mgonnateachyoutherightwaytostackthisupforyourmom.”
“We’regoingtoplacethemoneachotherlikethis.”
“Okay.”
Hedidashewastold.“Nowwhat?”
Maggiewouldhavetakenapicturebutshedidn’twanttoshowanydesperationbydoingso,she’dhavetoresorttoamentalpictureinherhead.Click.
“Whereareyourmatches?”
Eliranintothekitchenandopenedthecabinet.Maggiewatchedhimbuzzby.Howdidheknowwhereshe
keptthematches?Shehadhiddenthemuponthefourthshelf,aplacesheneverimaginedhecouldreach.Hislittlemittspattedarounduntilhefeltthebox.AndjustlikethathesnatchedthemoffandtookthemtoBen.
TheybentdownclosetothefireandBenshowedElihowtostackthelogs.“Youhavetoleaveenoughroomintherefortheairtofantheflame.Firesneedair.”
“Gotit.”Elilaiddownwithhisstomachtothefloorandproppedhimselfupasifheweretakingalesson.Hecrossedhisanklesandswunghislegsbackandforth.“CanIlightitwhenitstime?”Hebegged.
“Thiswilldothetrick.”HelitthesticksandpaperwhilekeepingElibackatasafedistance.
Thefireimmediatelystartedtocrackleandtake
flame.Eliwasmesmerized.“Doyouwanttoplaychesswithme?”
“Sure,ifyouteachme.”“Alright,”Eliwenttoget
thegame.“Waitrighthere.I’mcomingrightback.”
Maggie’sheartmelted.Shehadn’tseenanyoneinteractwithElioutsideherfamily,foralongtime.Herlittlemanracedbackfromhisroomwiththechessboardinhandandaziplockbagof
theirplasticpieces.Heroundedthecornerandfloppeddowninfrontofthefire.“Let’splaydownhere.”
“Howaboutuponthetable?I’malittlebigtoplayonthefloor.”Eliturnedhisheadcontemplatingthesuggestions.“Okay,youaretheguestsoIwilldowhatyouwant.Butthenit’smyturn.”
Benlookedupat
Maggie,hiskindeyesmatchinghissmile.“HowdoItosetthisup?”
Threegameslater,Maggiehadfinishedmakingdinner.Shedecidedjusttocook,hopingthesavorysmellwouldpersuadeBentoacceptherinvitation.Withasetofdishesinhand,shespreadoutthetable.“Youareinvitedtostayfordinner.It’salmostready.”
“Ohcanhemom?”
BenreclinedonthecouchandhelpedEliputawaythepieces.“IguessIcanswingthat.”
“Eliwhydon’ttakeoffyouruniformandgetwashedupfordinnerbud.Okay?”Thesixyearoldboundedacrossthefloorinrecordtime.BenhoweverstayedseatedandcommentedontheChristmastree.“Youtwopickedaverynicetree.”
“YoucanthankElifor
that.Hegotmeoutofmycomfortzonebypickingthelargesttreetheyhad.”
BenturnedhisattentiontowardMaggie.“Sowhat’sallthistalkaboutyouhatingthemall?Idon’tthinkI’veeverheardafemalesaythat,”hesaidjokingly.Maggiecouldn’thelpseeingherselfinhisarms.
Shetookoutthedishesandsetthetablewhiletheytalked.“Idon’thatethemall.
It’sthecrowdthatgetstome.Allthatpushing,shoving,rudeness.I’mbetteroffgoinginandoutofindividualstores.”
“Youcan’tletfearstopyou.”
Maggielovedhisgrowninbeardandstrongmuscles,butshewasn’ttoosureshewantedsomebodytopickoutherfaults.
Benaskedtowashhishands.“Iunderstand.That’s
kindofwhyIamlivingwithmyauntrightnow.”
Shedidn’tknowthat.“You’relivingwithIngrid?”“Yeah,Ihavebeenforoverformonthsnow.”
“HowcomeI’veneverseenyou?”
Helaughed.“WellmyworkismainlyinDenver,sothecommutekeepsmebusy.”
“Whatisitthatyoudo?”“I’manengineer.We’reworkingonsomecommercial
projectsnearthehighway.”“Howaboutyou?”
Maggieconsideredheranswerbeforereplying.
“Idosomeofficeworkhereintown.ButIalsoplaceauthorswithpublishers,I’mabookagent.”
“Whatdoesabookagentdo?”
Shelaughedandstayedbusyinthekitchen.“Irepresentauthorswhoneedpublishing,soIpickand
choosewhichmanuscriptsIthinkwillsellormakegreatbooks.Whenthepublishersignstheauthor,Igetpaid.Iftheydon’t,thenIkeepatit.”
“Really?That’sinteresting.”
“It’sariskbutIloveit.”“Doyouwriteaswell?”“Youknow,”shecocked
herhip.“Everyoneasksmethat.Butno,Ihaven’t.”
“Toobad,I’msureyou’dbeagreatwriter.”
“Whydoeseveryonesaythat?”
Benshrugged.“Curiosity,I’dguess.”
Maggierealizedthatifshedidn’twatchit,hecouldeasilystartaskingaboutwhyshelivedoutherealoneandwhereshecamefrom.Whattypeofmothertraipseshersonacrossthecountryawayfromfamily?Wouldhesuspectshewasrunning?
Eliracedbackintothe
kitchen.“Icleanedmyroom.CanBencomeseeit?”
“Whydon’tyouaskhim?”
ShefinishedsettingthetablewhiletheboysplayedinEli’sroom.Thiswasgoingtobequiteanight.Shecouldfeelitintheair.
BenstayeduntilEli’sbedtime.Bythathour,hehadbeenattheirhouseforfourhours.That’salongtime.Butshewisheditwaseven
longer.Themanexcused
himselftomakeaphonecall,shepointedtothebackdeck,itwasquietouttherebutshecouldstillobservehim.Bodylanguageexplainsalot.Shewatchedonandoffwhilecleaningupthekitchen.
“Everythingallright?”“Yes.It’sallgood.”Shewantedtoknowwho
thecallwasfromandifitimpactedhimfromcoming
overagain.Hell,ifEliwasn’taroundshewouldhaveaskedhimtostayforaglassofwine.Wait,whatwasshethinking?Shebarelyknewthisman.ShetoldClaireimplicitly,shewasnotinterested.YetBenwasrighthereinherkitchenandtheattractionseemedmutual.
“Who’sgoingtoreadtome?”Eli’slittlevoiceinterruptedtheirkitchencleaning.Buttonedupinhis
mooseflannelpajamashestoodinhisbarefeetontheAlderfloorsandflashedabooktoBen.Heparadedintothelivingandsatbythefire.Hethenpattedthewoodinfrontofthefireplace.“ComeonBen.Nooneelseeverreadstome.”
BencaughtMaggie’seye.“Isitokay?”
“Bemyguest.Heobviouslywantsyoutodoit.”
Maggieleftthekitchena
messandretreatedtoherbedroom.Shehadn’tcheckedhermakeuporevenlookedinthemirrorsinceshegothome.Shemadethebed,removedherjournalandmagazines,andturnedonthelamp.ShethencheckedEli’sroom,whichactuallywasclean—normallyhisideaofacleanroomwasaspacetowalkfromtheclosettothedoorandbackoutagain.
Elirushedintohisroom
anddovebeneathhiscovers.SheknewhewasshowingoffforBen,alllittleboyslikedtoshowtheirspeed.“Howwasyourstory?”
Heshrugged,“Mr.Bendoesn’treadsogood.Andhishandsaresobighecoveredupsomeofthepictures.”
“Isee.”“Buthecanreadtome
againifhecomesover.”“Isheoutbythefire?”“Yep,hesaidhewas
waitingforyou.”Maggie’sheartfluttered.
Sheshutoffthelightandfinishedtheirroutine.Meanwhile,shereturnedtothekitchentofindBendoingthedishes.Thebubblywatercoveredhishandsashewhooshedthespongearoundtheplatesandstackedthemonthedryrack.Sheleanedagainstthestuccowall.“We’vegotadishwasheryouknow.”
Hesmiled.“Ididn’tthinkitwasappropriatetosnooparoundthekitchenforthedetergent.Butnooneintheirrightmindturnsdowncleandishes.”Hedunkedanotherplateintothewater.
“Wouldyoulikesomefreshcoffee?Orwine?”
Helookedathiswatch.“Um,sure,aslongasI’mnotkeepingyouup.”
“I’dlikethecompany.”Whenthekitchenwas
clean,MaggiesatatthetablewhichprovidedtherightbarrierforherandthesehormoneswhichseemedtoflareupnowthatsheandBenwerealone.
“Howaboutyou,what’syourreasonforbeinghere?”
“Well,Iwaslivingwithsomeone,andshehadkids.Thingsweren’tperfectbutImovedoutthispastsummer,andtoensureIdidn’tgoback,Imovedbackherewith
myaunt.Igrewuphere.”Maggiefeltnervous.“I
didn’trealizethat.”“Yeah,myparentstravel
alot,mysisterhasfourboysandherhusbandisnotmyfavoriteperson,somyauntwastheonlyfamilywithaspareroom.”
“Isee.”“Listen,nottochange
thesubjectonyou,I’manopenbookhonest,butwhatwouldyousaytobringingEli
uptothemallthisweekend?”Maggiefelttorn.
“You’renothangingoutwithElibecauseyoumissyourexgirlfriendandherkids,areyou?”
“No,shehadanolderson,he’sincollegenow,andtwodaughters.”
Shequietlysippedhercoffeeandkeptlistening.“I’dliketospendmoretimewithyou,andIfiguredthatEliwasjustpartoftheequation.”
Maggie’sheartflipped.Howcouldsheresist?Itwasn’tadate,butanopportunityandElineededtogettoSantatotellhimaboutthemagicboots.
CHAPTER10
Sleepcameeasythatnight.AneveningwithBenhadputheratease.Themoreshestudiedhim,themoresherealizedthismancouldpotentiallystealherheart.Shetriednottolethermindwander,whichwasgood
advice,especiallysinceshejusttoldElinottogethishopesup.ButBen’spresenceinherhome,feltright.IthadneverfeltthatwaywithJack.
Hisnerves,hisanger,hisharshopinions,theparanoia,thecontrol,thedrinking;Itwasnotahome.Itwaslikelivinginacult,withrestraintsoneverythingshedid,thought,spentorsaid.Hertherapistofcourse,waskindenoughtopointoutthatshe
hadmarriedamanwholivedandbreathedviolence—hisperversewaysweresomethingshewasnowaccustomedto.Ittaintedherabilitytobeobjectiveandthinkrationally.
Maggiehadn’twantedtotalkaboutwhatJackhaddone.Sayingitoutloudalwaysbroughtonthetears.Itsoundedmuchbetterwhenitwaslockedupinhermind,inherownhead.Butonceshe
saiditoutloudandsawastranger’sreactiontohisbehavior,wellthenthedangerbecamereal.
Dr.Gibbonsgainedhertrust.SheprobedMaggietoexamineherreasonforstayinginthemarriage.“Idon’tknow,Ihadmanyreasons,”wasMaggie’sstandardresponse.
But,Dr.Gibbonswaspersistent,“LikewhatMaggie?”
Maggieknewtheanswers.“Hopethatthingswouldchange,tryingtobeunderstandingandmakingsureElihadarelationshipwithhisfather,fearofleaving,andeventuallyfearofstaying.”
“Thoseareallcommon,amongwomeninyoursituation.ButMaggielet’sgodeeper;isthereareasonyouaredrawntomenwhohavethecapabilityandprobability
ofhurtingyou?”Herthoughtsdriftedto
eachboyfriendshehad.Threeoutoffourwereviolent.Theonlyniceonedied,longbeforeshemetJack.
“Whowasyourfirstloveinterest,canwestartthere?”
“Iguessitwasmyneighbor.”
“Someoneyougrewupwith?”
“Yes,forawhile,anyway.”
“Whatcanyoutellmeabouthim?”“HemovedawaywhenIwasten.IranintohimwhenIwasseventeen,wesortofpickedupwhereweleftoff.““Whatwentwrong?”“Hewasunusualtosay
theleast,hisconversationsweredark.Hehadahightoleranceforpain,usedenormousamountsofdrugs,suppliedthemtodealersandhadawayofputtinghis
handsonme,togetwhathewanted.”
“SoisitsafetosaythatJackwasnotyourfirstrelationshipthathadabusivetendencies?”
Hermemoryconceded,“yes.”
“Andwhatwasthefirst?”
Herhandslandedinherlap.“I’msureit’snotthefirstbutmyhighschoolboyfriendpulledamacheteonme.”
“Soaknife?”Dr.Gibbonsinquired.
“Yes,hehadmepinneddownonawaterbed.”“Wereyouscared?”Maggieshiftedinher
seat.“Idon’tknow.Notreally.ImeanIknewtheknifecouldslipandhewouldcutme.ButIdidn’tthinkhewastryingtohurtme.”“Wastheknifetouchingyou?”
Maggiefeltexposed.“I
thinkso,butIdon’tremember.”
“Andwhydidyouallowthattohappen,Maggie?”
Sheblinked,“Ididn’taskhimtodoit.Idon’tknow.”
“Trytothinkofsomethingaboutthatevent.Doyourememberwhatyouwerethinking?”
“IknowIfeltconfused.Ididn’tknowwhyhewoulddosuchathing.Theslightest
moveofthewaterbedandhecouldcutmythroat.”
“Youdon’tseemangryaboutthat.Whydoyouthinkthatis?”
Maggieknewthatanswer.“BecauseIwasn’tscared.Iknewhewouldn’tdoit.Hewasjustplayingaround.”
“Howdoyouknowthat?”
“Becauseitwasjustobvious.Iwashisgirlfriend.
Whywouldhewanttohurtme?”
“Whatdidyoudowhenhepulledthatlongknifetoyou?Doyourememberthat?”
Thememorywasthere,clearasday.“Irememberlookingouthiswindow,tryingtobebrave.”
“Whatdidyoudoafterthat?”
“IthinkIplayedtough.”“Soyoustayedinthe
relationship?”“Yes,”“Whydidyoudothat?”
“Becausehewasimportanttome.”
“Andyoursafetywasn’t?”
“Well,obviouslynot.IknowIwantedhim,andIdidn’twanttheothergirlstohavehim.”
“Whatwasitabouthimthatyouliked?”
Maggiesmiled.“Hewas
verypopularandextremelygoodlooking.Ifeltimportantbecausehewasmine.”
“Soisitsafetosayyouweredrivenbyyourfearsratherthanyourdesiretofeelsafeandaccepted.”
Herstomachtwisted.Dr.Gibbonsmadeherfeelvulnerable,anditwasnotacomfortablefeeling.
“Maggie,whatisyourunderstandingofwhatwejustcovered?”
Shewonderedwhythedoctorkeptsayinghername.Wasshespacingout?Theyhadtalkedaboutthat.Maggieblinkedhard,tryingtoregainfocus.“Icanseeyourpoint;Jackwasnotmyfirstdancewithdanger.”
“That’sgood.Butremembersomething;wearenotheretouncoverthewhy’sbutyourfeelings.Whenyoudiscoverhowyoufeltduringtheselifeordeathsituations
thenyouwilltakeabigsteptowardhealing.”
“Buthowarethoseburiedfeelingsconnectedtohealing?Idon’twanttorelievewhatIcamethrough.Therehastobeabetterway.”
“Maggie,”sheleanedforward.“Youranxietylevelandtoleranceforstressisskyhigh.Yourthresholdfordealingwithallofthishaskeptyouonguard.Youareverydisconnectedfromyour
feelings,it’spartofthesurvivalmode.Ifearyou’vebeeninsurvivalmodesolong,thatyouhavelostyourabilitytooperateinanyothercapacity.”
Herchestexpandedasshelistenedtowhatthedoctorsaid.“AreyousayingthatIwillneverbenormal?”
“WhatIamsayingisthatyoudon’trecognizenormal.It’saforeignmatter.”
Shelookedherinthe
eye.“Andbyidentifyingmyfeelings,orunburyingthem,thenIwillbenormal?”
“Inasense,yes.ByfeelingyourfeelingsyougetintouchwithMaggie,notthesurvivalmodewhichyou’vebeeninthesepastfewyears.Whenyouuncoveryourfeelings,thefutureisyours.Youwon’thavetoworryaboutrepeatingthispattern.Youwillhealandrecognizeunhealthypeople.”
Shequestionedheragain,“IfI’msupposedtobehealing,whyamIhavingnightmares?”
“BecauseMaggie,yourfeelingsarethenightmare.”
Valasatup,readytogooutside.Maggietiedherrobearoundherwaistandtookthe
dogoutside.Themorningairhadabitetoit,butthesunwaspeekingoverthetopofthemountain.Whatmorecouldsheaskfor?Thedogsniffedtheairandwalkedtotheedgeofthedrivewaywhereshepeedinonespot.Shewasdifferentfromotherdogs.Whenmostofthemcamebywiththeirowners,Valawouldstayupontheporch,leashornoleash.Shewasagoodprotector.
Thewordbroughtupastrongassociation.Jackhaduseditpreviouslywhenhestartedbuildingaplantoprotecthishomefromintruders.PeopleinCascadehadfirearms,someofthemhunginthebackoftheirtruckupagainsttheback.Therewasalotofhuntinginthesepartsandhuntingaccidentswerecommon.Sometimesthesightofagunevokedstrongmemoriesof
Jackandhisobsessionwithwantingguns.Buthisobsessionwentwaypassedextreme.Jackhadacollectionofthrowingknives,spearsforsparing,steelswords,woodenbowken’s,anythingthatcouldhurtanintruder.
Atfirstsheforbidhimtohavethem,andevengotherparentsonherside.Whatifthebabyfounditwhenhegotolder?ButheconvincedherthathewouldshowElihow
tousetheweapons.Whenthegundiscussioncameup,shewasmortified.Whatifsomeonefoundit,whatifheuseditinappropriatelyduringoneofhistrances?Maggierealizedshedidn’twantJackhavingmorecontrol.Sheknewthatbringingagunintothehousemeantthatshewastotallypowerless.
Thegirlsatthebatteredwomen’ssheltertaughtherthatstrengthliedintheability
tospeakandbeunderstood.Whenyourvoiceisheardandyouropinionmatterstoanotherandproperboundariesaregiven,thenyouareempowered.Shelearnedthedefinitionofahealthyrelationshipwhichmirroredmutualrespect.HerrelationshipwithJackneverfitthatdescription.
ValatuggedgentlyontheleashwhichbrokeMaggie’strainofthought.
Maggiefollowedhertothebackyard.Therewasapileoftrashheapeduponherpropertyline,backbythenationalforest.“That’sodd,”Shesaidtoherselfasshebentoverandcrushedupthelooseadvertisements.“Whowouldleavetrashbackhere?”
WhenMaggiewalkedinside,sheheardthefaintbeepofhercellphonealertinghertoanincomingmessage.AttorneyCollins
hademailedher.BringingherrestrainingordertoColoradowouldcostabout$4400,moneywellspent.Shehadalreadyfiledanddidthehardpart,nowitwasinstillingtheorderandconvincingthepolicethiswasnotanotherdomesticissuethatwouldworkitselfout.
Maggieagreedtothefeesandconfirmedaretainer.Thiswashowsheprotectedherself,legally.
EspeciallyforEli’ssake.
CHAPTER11Eliwasalreadydressed
whenMaggiegotoutoftheshower.TypicallySunday’swerethedayhelaidaroundinhispajamasandrefusedtocombhishair.Buttoday,hewasgoingtoseeSanta.HewaseagerforBentopickthemup.Maggiewasjustasthrilled.Asidefromgetting
thetreeandtryingherhandatworkingwiththedogs,thiswasthehighlightofhermonth.ZippingupherfavoritepairofbootsshesecuredherTiffanybracelet,hermotherboughtherasabirthdaypresent,andloopedherearringsin.Fortheremainingfifteenminutes,Maggiecheckedherhair,glossedherlipsinapalenudetoneandpackedabagofsnacks.ShelikedElitoeat
healthybeforetheMallfoodcourtbeckonedhisattention.
Benarrivedafewminutesearly.Maggiedidherbesttowait,thegaragewasshutandshegaveValathecommandthatsomeonewasenteringthehome.Thedoorbellranglikealoudgong,andEliyankedthedooropen.“Wellhellothere.AreyoureadytogomeetSanta?”
HegrabbedBen’shandandpulledhimbacktoward
thetruck,“Iam.Comeon.”Benlaughed,“Wait
buddy,whataboutyourmom?”ElimayhavehadhishandbutMaggieheldhisattention.
Theridewaswonderful.EliplayedandjokedwithBenforhalfoftherideandwhenitwastimeforacoffeestop,heconvincedBentobuyhimacookie.Abouttenminutesaftertheyreachedthefreeway,Elifellasleep.The
conversationhadbeenGratedtothatpoint,butshehopedformore.Shehadquestionsbutdidn’twanttoBentofeelinterrogated.“Doyoumindsomemusic?”Heasked.“Notatall.What’syourforte?”“Holidaymusicwouldbegreat.Especiallytheoldsongs.”
Maggieagreed.ShemissedthedaysofChristmas
carolingandeggnog.Nowadaysallthestationsplayedwerethesameoldmundanemusic.Maggielovedtosingcarolswhenshewasgrowingup.Theyalwaysdidwhenshewasyounger.Heraunthadasetofbookstheytookwiththemastheywanderedaroundthetownsingingtothosewhowouldlisten.
Peopleweremoreguardednow,andcertainly
gotoffended.SheturnedtoBenand
asked,“HowdidyourfamilyspendChristmas?”
“Well,itwasinteresting,Iwillsaythat.Ihaveabigfamily.”
Bendrovewithonehandonthewheel.
“Howbig?”Maggiehopedshewasn’tprying.Butfamilyisabigpartofyourlife.Ben’sanswerswouldtellheralotabouthim.
“Big.Ihavefourbrothersandsisters,Iamtheyoungest.BythetimeIwasoldenoughtoenjoyChristmas,theyhadboyfriendsandgirlfriends,whojoinedus.Mydadhadhistwobrothersandthentherewasmymom’sparentsandsomeneighbors.”
Maggieadmiredthenostalgiaofthemoment.Benseemedcaughtupinthememory.“Allthesepeople,
musthavebeennearthirtypeople,allsandwichedinourlittlehome.”
“Soundsnice.”“Howaboutyou?”SheglancedbackatEli.
“It’sjustus.Mydaddiedandmomisbackeast.”Shekeptitsimplefornow,mentioninganythingelsemayruintheday.
“Wellyoupickedagreatstatetoraiseyourboyin.He’sgotyearsaheadofhim,
forfishin’,fourwheelin’,hunting,younameit.”
“Hockey,”shevoiced.“AndI’mhopingagainstthehuntingone.”
“It’sarealsportoutintheseparts.It’snotlikebackeastwherethedeerjustwalkthroughyouryard.”
Shestraightenedup,annoyedwiththeconversation.“Callitwhatyouwant,Idon’tlikeguns.”
Afewmoremileswent
byandthetensionseemedtofade.WhenafavoriteChristmascarolcameovertheradio,Maggieturneditup.“Doyoumind?”
“Singaway,”Benhailed.“Okay,butI’mnotvery
good.”Benwatchedasshe
unveiledhertruepersonality.Maggiethrewherheadbackandmovedherhandslikeaconductor.HerrenditionofInExelsisDeowasnotasbadas
sheremembered.Elibeganwrestlinginthebackseat.Shestoppeduntilheresumedapeacefulstate.That’swhenshenoticedhefellasleepwithisjuiceboxinhand.Maggieunbuckledherseatbeltandreachedbackbetweentheseats.
“Whatareyoudoing?”“I’mrescuinghisjuice
box.Hehasatendencytosqueezeitwhilehe’snapping.”
“Doyouwantmetopullover?”
“No,Igotit.”Sherubbedhistinywristuntilhishandopenedup.Heletgooftheboxandshetuckeditsafelyinthedoorconsole.
Shehuffedasshereacquaintedherselfwiththefrontseat.“Isurehopeyoudon’tdothatwhileyouaredriving?”
Sheshookherhead.“I’vegottenrathergoodat
it.”Aftercirclingthe
coveredparkingBenpulleduptoabusydepartmentstore.“Iwillmeetyouguysontheupperlevelbythecarousel.Soundgood?”
HedroveoffasElitookherhandandheadedinside.Thedoorspartedblowingwarmairontheirfaces.Themomenttheyenteredthestore,thelinesandmusicstirredupthenostalgia.Their
nosesdefrostedfromtheoutdoorchillandthecaféconnectedtothestoresmelledofgloriouscoffeeandtreats.
Eliwasluredtowardthedecorations.Hehadnotseensuchfanfareonthislargeofascale.Aroundeverycornerhereachedouttotoucheverysnowflakeandsled,moose,andbow.Itwasquitetheundertakingkeepinghimundercontrolastheywaited
forBen.Maggiebreezedthrough
arackasElieyedthetoysonanearbykiosk.Somethingaboutthealltheexcitementreallyraisedherspirits.
Benarrived,allblisteryandcutewithhisrosyredcheeks.HehandedMaggieherblackleatherpurse,Ithoughtyoumightwantthis.Sheblushedandswungitoverherarm.“Thankyou.”“Youguysreadytofind
somemagicboots?”Benteased.
“IwanttoseeSanta.”“Okay.Let’sgo.”Thetriomadetheirway
throughthemassestotheescalators.WithenchantingstaresMaggietookinthesights.Twelvefootornamentshungfromtheceiling,andawinterfairylandadornedtheground.TheentirelowerlevelofthemallwasconvertedintotheNorth
Pole.“Look,overthere,”Eli
squealedwhenhespottedSantaandthelonglinethatweavedacrossthecenterofthemall.EligrippedMaggie’sfingerashepulledherfastertowardsthelineofexcitedchildren.
BensteppedawaytomakeaphonecallandMaggieactuallymissedhim.Shelikedthefeelingofthe
threeofthempalingaroundatChristmas.JackhadneverlikedChristmas,noranyholidayforthatmatter.EvennowitwasstrangetothinkofhimasEli’sfather,notafterwhatshehaddiscovered.WhenEliwasbornJackhadthedesiretogovisithischildhoodhome.HehadnevertakenMaggieinsidethehouse.Thefewtimestheywerethere,Jackwouldwalkuptothedoorandpeek
inside.Hisfatherdiedyearsago,butJackneverspokeofwhathappened.Allsheknewwasthathewasestrangedfromhissisterandsomewhereinthemixhehadahalfsibling.That’swhatmadeherpityhim.
EliwasjustababywhenshetookhimtoseeSanta.Jackrefusedtocome,andwaitedoutsideintheparkinglot.Ittookanhourandhalftogetpictures,sowhenshe
returnedtotheplacetheyhadparked,thecarandJackweregone.Maggiephonedhimbutthecallwentrighttovoicemail.Tooembarrassedtocallherfriend,shetookacabridehomeandusedthemoneyshestowedawayinherjewelryboxtopaythebill.Jackwasbrooding.
Herwalkdownmemorylaneendedasthefamilyaheadofherinline,suddenlygotsickandmovedtothe
side.SheandEliwerenext.SheheldhislittlehandandaskedhimifheknewwhattoaskSanta.“I’mgoingtoaskhimforasuperherocapeandmaybeakitten,orapetlizard.”
Shesmiled,thoughthethoughtofthelizardwasnotaccommodating.“Wellmakeupyourmind,wearenext.”
ElihoppedontoSanta’slapandsmiledbigandproudwhileMaggiesnappedafew
ofherownpictures.ShelookedaroundforBenbuthewasstillnotbackfromhiscall.Sheworriedslightly,buttriedtoputhermindatease.Washecallingawoman,wastheresomeoneelseinthepicture?
ShetoldherselfthatnomatterwhathappenedsheandEliwouldhaveagreatChristmas.Sheeyedtheescalatorandthetoplevelofthemall.Asshedidshe
noticedtheglasselevatorcomingdownfromthesecondlevel.Asolitarymandressedindarkcolorsstoodatthefront,staringherway.Maggieswallowedhard.“Wasthathim,didshejustseeJack?Itcouldn’tbe?”
Shelookedawaywithasmiletohidehersenseoffear.Whentheelevatordockedshescannedthecrowdandwhispered,“No.DearJesuspleasekeephim
awayfromus.”ElihoppedoffSanta’s
lapandranrightpastMaggie.“Heybud,”sheturnedtofollowhimandsawBenstandingjustoutsidethecrowdedarea.BenscoopedhimupandwaitedforMaggie.Heopenedthegateastheshewalkedthrough.“Santa’sbeardisn’treal.Icouldtell.”“Isthatso?”Benresponded.
Maggieswallowedhard,herheartrateincreasing.Shespunaroundandtriedtoremaincalm.“Thisisnothappeningagain.”Bensethimdownandtussledhishair.HelookedatMaggie.“Maggie,areyouokay?You’reaswhiteasaghost.”Elilookedathismomma.“IbetSantatakesoffhisbeardtoeat.”
“I’mfine.Justthecrowd
Iguess.Itplaystricksonme.”
Bentookherhand..“Doweneedtoleave?”
“Comeonguys.”ElituggedatBen’shandandpulledhimtowardthebigfountain.Thechildstaredovertheedgeasifitwereabottomlesssea.
Maggieheldherbreathandclosedhereyes.“Doyouknowwhatthisis?”Benasked.“It’sawishingwell.”
“DoyouknowwhatIwishformom?”
Shetriedtosmilebutherheartwasreadytocollapse.“Whatbaby?”
“Iwishyoucouldhavemagicbootstomakethescarystuffgoaway.”
Benseemedpuzzled,butshekepthereyesonherson.Hadherfearsbeenthatunmanageablethathersonnoticed?Shewasamess,andyesshewantedtoleave.
BenscoopedupEliandaskedhimifhewashungry.“Iam,”hepronounced.BenlookeddownatMaggieandsaid,“Howaboutwegetoutofhereandgogetsomefood?”Theridehomewasrelaxing,despitethelonglinesandtraffic.OnceElifellasleep,sheknewBenwouldraisethequestionofwhathappenedatthemall.Soshe
approachedthesubjectfirst.“I’msorryIfreakedoutbackthere,”shesaid,foldingherhandsinherlap.“It’sjustsomethingthathappens.”“Iunderstand.Youdon’tlikecrowds.Igetthatwaywiththunder.Itmakesmejumpy.”Maggiechuckled.“Thunderhuh.Iguessthatalwaysrelaxesme.”Sheexhaled,“Look,Idon’treally
hatecrowds.”Hermouthwentdryassheattemptedtocontinue.“It’smoreofafearthatsomeonecanfollowme.”Benchangedlanes.“Youmeanlikeastalker?”“Sortof.”“Well,hasthateverhappenedtoyou?”Maggielookedoutthewindow.“CanwetalkaboutthiswhenEliisn’tinearshot?”“It’snobigdeal.I
don’tthinkgoingtothemallissomethingIneedaheadsupon.Crazyex-husbandwhowantstokillme;thatIneedtoknow.Butthis,don’tsweatit.”Maggiesmirked,partlybecausehewasnotfarfromthetruthandtheotherreasonwastheyhadofficiallymovedpastsmalltalk.Unsureofhowlongitwouldlast,shesavoredeverymoment.
AmidstthechaosofspottingJackandthestressoftheholiday,itwassonicetohaveamanatherside.Thetailendoftheridewasthebest.HalfofthetownwasdecoratedforChristmas,andifBentooktheoldbusinessroutethroughDowntownColoradoSprings,theywouldseethehistorichomesalllitup.Itwassomethingsheenjoyedandlovedtodothatwithhim,welltoher,that
wasspecial.TheglowfromChristmaslightsandthemyriadofcolorswarmedherheart.Benturnedupthestreet,jokingaboutoneoftheneighborswhorefusedtodecoratefortheholiday.SomenightsMaggiespottedasnowhareintheirfrontyard,shewonderediftheChristmaslightswouldscareitaway.Hepulledpasthis
houseandbroughtthesleepingchildandMaggiebackhome.Sheeagerlyaskedifhewantedtostay.Heunbuckledhisseatbelt.“Ihadagreatdaywithyoutwo.ButIthinkit’stimethatIgo.”
Hereyeslockedonhis.Shefeltherheartdrop.“Oh,I’msorryifwekeptyou.Thankyou.Wehadagreattime.”
Hesmiledatherand
lookedbackatEli.“Ihadawonderfulday,andI’ddoitalloveragain.ButIneedtogohome,andclearmyhead.”
“That’sfine.”Shewaslyingandthey
bothknewit.“Maggieit’snotthatI
don’twanttoaskyououtonarealdate.Butmycompanyjusttookonanewproject.It’salargejobanditwouldrequiremetomovebackthere.”
“Iunderstand.”“I’llcallyouinadayor
two.Butifanythingarises,callmyaunt.”
ShenoddedandwokeEliup.Exitingthecar,Benletheropenhisdoorandtakethesleepychildoutofhisseat.Hewaiteduntiltheygotinsidebeforebackingoutofthedriveway.Maggie’shopesdeflatedashislightsfadeddownthehill.Shefelttheswellinhereyesasshe
realizedthatafamilyandpeacewerejustnotinherfuture.
CHAPTER12
Thesunbrokeoverthemountainjustafter6:10am.AllthetalkaboutChristmasbetweenherandBensentheronasearchforafatherandsonphotowhereJackheldEli.Herhuntforsuchaphotoledhertoonlinestorageshe
onceused.Shehaddismantledthefamilyphotoslastyear.ItwasthebestwaytohelpEliunderstandthathisdaddywasnotcomingbackintotheirlives.Shewasn’tsurewhatwouldhappen,buttheywouldneverbeafamilyandinhermind,Eli’slifedependedonstayingawayfromJackBurke.
Lookingthroughthevariousalbumshadbroughtonarealization.Something
hadbeenmissingfromherlife;itwasevidentinthephotos.Regardlessofhermaritalstatus,shehadneveractuallyfeltlikesheandJackwereafamily.Therewasnoaffectionintheirphotosandthesmileonherface,whenshedidseeone,wasmoresubduedandguardedthanonewouldexpect.
Infact,ithadmadehersick.Afteraruntothetoilet,Maggiesteppedclosertothe
mirrorandtookagoodlookatheragingface.Whenhadherskindriedoutandthosewrinklesappeared?Hergrayswerestartingtosproutupthroughherdirtyblondehair.Shenevercaredbefore,butsomethingaboutBenmadeherwanttocare.Wasshereallyhappydressinginflannelshirtsandworkingwithdogs?Didshemisscitylifeanddiningwithpublisher’sagents?
WhathappenedtotheMaggiethatexistedbeforeJack?Wherewasshe?
Beforeherthoughtscouldrelishintimegoneby,Elirushedintothebathroom.
“Whereareyougoinginsucharush?”
Elihurriedtothetoilet.“Canyougivemesomepryvassyplease,”hegrumbled.
Hewasgrowingupsofast.Thetoddlerphasehad
beenoverforsometimeandthisroughandtumblelittlemanhadtakenhisplace.SheturnedontheTVjustintimetolearnthattherewasdelayatschool.DroppingElioffwasoutofthequestion,she’dneverhaveenoughtimetogettoworkandback.
Shebethewashungry.Theonlywaytokeephimoutofthesugarcereal,whichshepromisedherselfshe’deventuallystopbuying,was
togivehimpancakesoreggs.Maggiewhiskedupthe
eggsasElibustledoutofthebathroomandtowardtheTV.“OohcanIhelp?”Elilovedtocook.
“Iwouldloveyourhelp.”
“Okay.”Hepulledachairacrossthewoodfloorandclimbedup.“Letmedoitthen.”
Shelookedoverhisshoulderashemixedtheeggs
liketheywerecementabouttobepoured.Shemeasuredthevanillaextractandbutteredahotpan.Elisetthetableasbestashecould.Sheflippedthepancakesandmadetheirplates.“Theylookyummy,”hesaidlickinghislittlelips.
Shewashappytohavehimeatahealthybreakfast.“Whatarewedoingtodaymommy?”
“Youhaveschooldon’t
you?”“Butmomit’ssnowing.
Andyouneverbringmedownthemountaininthesnow.”
Hewasallaboutthefun,andwhocouldblamehim?“CanIplayhookytoday?”
“Afterweshovelthedrivewayfirst,thenmaybewecangointotown.”
Theskaterinkwasasmallpondinthecenteroftown,directlybehindthe
library.Onadayliketoday,thepondwassuretobepacked,butifshedroppedhimoffatClaire’sshecouldstillgettowork,andsinceshemissedadayortwosinceThanksgiving,itwastherightthingtodo.
“Surebaby.”“IsClairegoingtowatch
metoday?”Withbatterintheskillet,Maggiepickedupherphonetocheckemail,whenacall
fromanunassignednumberflasheduponthescreen.Maggiedidnotanswer.Anyonesheknewwasalreadyprogrammedinherphone.
Elikeptbusymostofthemorning,betweenshovelingandplayingwithLego’s.Onceherstreetwasplowed,shemadeherwaytothekennel.Clairewasoutbutwouldbebackjustafterlunch.AllMaggieneeded
wasaboutfivehoursattheofficeandshe’dbebackontrack.
Eliwasfussy.Hewas
hungryandcoldfromplayingoutside.Maggiedrovehomeasfastasshecould,justforherownsanity.Whenthegaragedooropenedshepulledinslowly.“Mommy,where’sVala?”
Maggielookedtowardthedoorleadingintothe
house.Thedogwasalwaysatherpostwhentheyreturnedhome.Itwaspartofhertraining.
Sheleftthecarrunningandunbuckledherbelt.“Eli,stayhere.”
Maggielettheseatbeltslideoffhershoulder.Sheexitedthecarwithcautionandapproachedthedoorslowly.Enteringthehouseshewasonfullalarm.“Vala,heregirl.”
Thedogappearedbutthenwalkedbythekitchen.‘Wasshepacing?’
Thedogdidnotmakeeyecontactshejustkeptwalkingbackandforth.InheryearofhavingVala,thedoghadneverbehavedlikethis.
Shelookedbacktothecar,tomakesureEliwasstillsafelytuckedinside.
Maggiehadnoonetocall.Klausdidn’tanswerthe
officephoneafterhours.Shedidn’texchangenumberswithBen,butsheknewhewasnotintown.
Ratherthanchanceit,shegotbackinthecaranddrovetothepolicestation.Elihadlearnedtheevacuationproceduresandknewabouthissafetybag,andwhotolistentoshouldasituationarise.ButMaggieknewJack;sheknewthewayhismindworked.Sheknew
histacticsandscenarios.Sheknewwherehewouldhide,andwhathewoulddotogaincontrolandterrorize.
She’dhearditforyears.Jackwouldmakeaswipearoundanyplacetheyeverlived,sizingupthepotentialdangerofeverywindow,crawlspace,closet,doorandhallwaywhereaperpetratorcouldhide.Theseweresoengrainedinhermindshenowworriedsomeoneelse
washidingtherewaitingforher.
Eliwasnowwhining,
whichwasunlikehim.Maggiecalmlymarchedintothepolicestation,holdinghishand.Sheapproachedthecounteraskingforassistance.Fortunately,therewasanolderfemaleonduty.ShetookonelookatEliandescortedhimtothebreakroomforasnack.
Maggiekeptheremotionsincheckandwaitedatthecounter.UsingherattorneyanddetectiveBrant’sname.Shewastoldtotakeaseat,andanofficerwouldassisthershortly.Shesatjittery,deliberatingbetweentwopossibilities,thedogwaseithersick,orsomeonehadtrulybrokenin.Sheoverheardanofficersay,“Linetwo,TheSprings.”Thenanolderman
sittingbehindadeskpickedupthephone.Afewnodslater,helookedtowardMaggieandhungupthephone.
“Ms.Burke,”hecalledherfrombehindthecounter.Sheroseandtookaseatathisdesk.Theofficerfoldedhishands,“Whydon’tyoutellmewhyyou’rehere.”
Shetookadeepbreath.“Ihavereasontobelievetherewasabreakinatmy
home.”“Aburglary?”Shestraightenedupin
thechair.“Iamnotsure.Ididn’tmakeitinsidemyhouse.Icamedirectlyhere.”
“Isee.”Sherememberedwhat
Klaushadtoldher.DonotletanyoneknowwhatValaiscapableof,otherwisetheymaysueyou,trytopoisonheroreventakeheraway.“Listen,Ihaveasecuritydog
onthepremisesofmyhouse.She’dbeentrainedtoalertmeifanythingunusualisinthehouse.Shehasregularlymetmeatthefrontdoor,faithfullyfortwoyears.Exceptfortoday.”
“Andwhat’ssospecialabouttoday?”“WhenIgothome,thedogwasnotatherstation,andwhenIattemptedtoenterthehouse,shewasseenpacingbackandforth.”
Hesatback.“IjustgotoffthephonewiththeColoradoSpringsPoliceDepartment,theyhavepaperworksayingyouhaveaprotectiveorder,againstyourex-husband.”
Maggiecouldseethatherclearthinkingwasmakingthismucheasierthanifsheeruptedintoanemotionalbasketcase.
“That’strue.It’salsowhyIamaskingthatan
officerescortushomeandenterthedwellingbeforeIbringinmysoninside.
Heradioedtherequesttodispatch.Maggiefeltexonerated.
Maggiewasnowkeenlyawarethatitwasstilllightoutandacopwaspullingintoherdriveway.Herplantonotalerttheneighborsabouthercircumstancewasnowoutof
thequestion.Thesunwassettingassheexitedthecar,Elistayedbuckledinuntilthepolicemancheckedtheproperty.
Eliwassilent,whichwasablessing.HerthoughtswanderedbacktothedayJackwasarrested.Itwasherwakeupcall,andboywasitscary.Whenthepolicephotographedtheattic,Jackwasinpossessionofaweaponthatwaslinkedtoa
batterychargetwotownsover.Hehadotherdevicesandtorturestationsbuiltintotheroofofthehome.Thepolicealertedherastothedangerlurkingaboveherhead.
“Soundpeopledon’tfantasizeaboutkillingothers.”That’swhattheytoldher.ItwasbadenoughtodealwithJack’shallucinationandanger,buttoknowthatheactuallyhurtsomeone,the
wayhe’dbeenthreateningtohurther,sheneededtorun.Jack’sattichideawaycontainedtwodummiesmadeofrubberandanuprightpunchingbagthatwascoveredinblackelectricaltape.ThedomesticadvocateassignedtohercaseexplainedtoMaggiewhatexactlyherhusbandhadbeeninvolvedwith.Shewasshocked.
Thebodybagher
husbandhadusedforhisswordtraining;wasnotthetypicalbag.Itwascoveredwithducktapeinspecificareas,markingoutStrikeZonesonthehumanbody.Theselinesrepresentseveringpoints,oneattheneck,twoattheshoulders,twoatthehipsandoneattheheart.
Maggietrembledasshestaredattheblacktapecoveringtheheart.She’dseenthetapethereforyearsand
assumedthepiecewasarandommistake.Shetookafewstepsbackandfelldown.Hereyesflushedwithtears.She’dknownaboutthis,thebag.Shehadwatchedhimpracticehisstrikesbuttoheritwasjustamartialart—oneshedidn’tapproveof,butshewasjustbeingparanoid,wasn’tshe?She’dvoicedherconcernsmanytimeswhenJackproppedEliuponabenchandhadhimwatchas
hetrained.AtonetimeMaggieeven
braggedabouttheviolenceandhowJackcouldprotectherfromharm,andyethereshewas,surroundedbyhislunacy.
“Hisfathergavehimthebodybag.I’vealwayshatedit.Ineverknewwhythatpieceoftapewasthere.Ineverknew.”
“Fromthelooksofif,he’sbeenpracticingfora
longtime.”Maggiewasgoingnumb
asrealitysankin.“Twentyyears,”shetoldthewoman.“He’sbeendoingthisfortwentyyears.”“Didyouknowhehadanyoftheseitemsinyourattic?”
Maggieshookinfear.“Thereasonwhythey
aretheredoesnotmatter;butgivenhismentalconditionandthethreatshe’smade
againstyou,weurgeyoutoleavethehome,today.YouneedtogetoutwhileyoucanMaggie,doyouunderstandwhatIamtellingyou?”
Maggieunderstood,sheabsolutelyunderstood.Twohourslatersheluggedherbagsoutthedoorandneverwentback.
HermotherpackedupherthingsonceMaggieleftJack,andhewasincarcerated.Shebroughtthe
itemstoherhouseandheldthemuntilMaggiecouldretrievethem.Hermotherneveraskedwhysheleft,sheonlytoldherdaughtertobecareful.Maggiehadnotseenhermothersincebeforesheleft.Shewantedtoo,butherfearskeptherontherun.
CHAPTER13
ThenighthisfatherhadgoneoffthedeependJackwasonlynine.HehadbeenlockedinthebasementsinceFridaynightanddidn’tknowthedayortime.Outofpurefright,hehadpeedinhisclothesandsleptwiththerats.Hisfatherwaitedtilllate
toslideaboxoffoodontothetopstep.Jackhadabustedwrist,andotherwounds,mostofthemhadhappenedpreviouslywhichishowhelearnedthatpleadingandcryingwouldgethimnowhere.Hehadbeggedhisfathertolethimout,toforgivehimforwhateverhehaddone,butthesoundofhissoninpainseemedonlytofeedhisanger.
Jackwokeuponenight
tothesoundofmetalbeingdraggedacrossthefloor.Hiseyesflickeredopen.Hehadgrownaccustomedtothedrippingwaterandthebangofpipes,butthissoundpiercedthechild’ssoul.Hedarednotmove.Hewatchedhisfathercomeintosightandbackoutagain.Helaideverstill.
WhenJackwentbacktothehouseasanadult,hetookMaggiewithhim.They
pulleduptothethreestorymonster,parkingalongtheunkeptcurb.Theroofwasinshamblesandtheyardhadnotbeenkeptinyears.Thebrokenfenceandrustypostslinedasquarelot.Thetreesoutfrontweredeadandovergrown,aswerethebushesinfrontofthehome.Thewalkoutstoopwasinneedofpaint.Jackwantedtorevisitthesceneofhishorrificchildhood;thereon
thewallwasasmallposter,tatteredfromthedampweather.ItwasaportraitofachildonhiskneesprayingtoGodforprotectionandcare.Jacksquaredhisshoulders,staredatthephotoandelbowedtheglass.ThepieceshitthefloorwithacrescendoandMaggiestoodtherecompletelyfrozen.Shemadenomovementsasshewatchedthebloodoozefromhisarm.
Hemadenocommenttothepainorthegashinhisarm.Heonlystudiedherreaction.Shequiveredasheleanedcloser.“Nobodyoverpowersme.Youhearthat!”Jackspitattheposterandturnedaround,theheelofhisbootscrunchingthecrushedglass.“Nobody,”hesneered.
Hekickedoversomemoldyboxesandheadedupthestairway.Maggiestood
frozen.Sheknewbetterthantotalktohim.Hemayhaveforgottenshewasthereorhemayturnonher.Hehad,intimespast,mistakenherforhisfatherduringafitofrage.Thescarypartwasshedidn’tknowwhichofthetwohewouldchoose.
Shestoodalone,herlegsshakingasthebasementdoorshut.Astreamofmascaradribbleddownherhandasshewipedhereyes.She
staredatthedimlylitflooraspiecesofbloodyglasslayindisrepair.Whatthehellhadjusthappened?
Whenthepolicemancamebacktothecarhemotionedforhertoexit.SheturnedtowardEli,“Stayinthecarsweetie,it’swarmerinhere.”Maggierecognizedthefearinherownvoice.
“Iwillmommy.”Hiseyeswerebrightandwildwithwonder.“Valawillget
thebadpeople,”hesaidreassuringly.Maggie’sheartsankwhensherealizedherboywastryingtocomforther.
Elihuggedhistoyandwatchedwithanenlargedgaze.Heradrenalinewaspumping.
MaggieopenedthegaragedoorsoValawouldhearthefamiliarsound.She’dbeentrainedtomakevisualcontactwithhermaster
beforefollowingacommand.Theofficercreptupthe
threestepsfromthegaragetothehouse,slowly.Withonehandonhispistol,thecopraisedhisarmtothedoorhandle.
Valaappearedbythedoor,herfacestoicastheofficerandMaggieenteredthehouse.MaggiespoketoValainSlovikandtoldhertostanddown.
Maggieknewnoone
wasinthehouseorValawouldhavethemcorneredorwouldatleasthavestayedbythebody.IttookhertwoyearstopayforValaanditwasdayslikethisshecouldseewherethemoneywent.
Maggielookedaroundthehouse;sofarnothinglookedoutoftheordinary.Valaroundedthecouchandledhertoabird,lyinginthecenterofthefloor.“Howdidyougetinhere?”
ThedogsatbyMaggie,whichwasasignofimpendingdanger.“Jack,”sheutteredaloud.
Valarosetoherfeetandmovedtowardthedoor.
Therewasnowaythatbirdflewinfromthechimney.Theydidn’thavemanybirdsatthisaltitude.Justthensheheardthepoliceofficercallherfromthehallway.
“Ms.Burke,canwe
talk?”Maggie’sheadjerked
back.Elistoodinthedoorway,tearsrunningdownhisface.“Mommy,somestrangerisoutside.”
Theofficerexitedthehomeassherantoherson.Elijumpedintoherarmsandheldontight.“Babywhowasit?”
“Idon’tknowmommabuthescaredme.”
“Didhecomeintothe
garage,”thepolicemanasked.Elisuckedhisthumbandshookhishead,yes.Heheldontighter.
Thepoliceofficerheadedoutside.MaggieclutchedthebackofEli’sheadandfollowedhimoutside.Valahadtakentheprotectivestance,maybeJackwasoutside.
Theonlyfigureintheareawasabiker,pedalinguphill.Whentheofficer
questionedtherider,hesaidhehadn’tseenanyone.Maggieaskedhimifthereweresignsofabreakin.
Herepliedno.“Thismayhavebeenjustafluke,ithashappenedbefore.”
Maggiegulped.Shestaredatthehouse,“right,”shesaidsheepishly.SheimmediatelythoughtofBen.Sheneededhim.Shewasnotstayinginthehousealone.Andshewantedconfirmation
thatJackwasstillinprison.DoctorGibbonswelcomedMaggieandshuttheofficedoor.Theroomhadbeenrearrangedsinceherlastvisit.She’dbeenmanagingonherown,trackingherdreams,keepinghermindoffJackandwhatledhertoColorado.Thensomethinglikelastnighthappensanditstartsupalloveragain.
Maggiesignedin,andsatdowninachair.Shewasuneasyintheoversizedarmchairandpreferredtositattheconferencetableontheothersideoftheroom.
“Howareyou?”“Abitshaken,”Maggie
admitted,onthevergeoftears.“Why?”
Sheassumedthedoctorhadbeenpreppedonthesituationlastnight.Itwas
partofherprotocol.Whethersheknewornot,thedocwouldgiveMaggieachancetoputthesituationinherownwords.Thatwasacrucialsteptotherapy.
“Mydogwasnotinpositionlastnighttotellmethehousewasclear.Ioverreactedandwenttothepolicestation.”“Whydoyousayyouoverreacted?”ThedoctoraskedasshemotionedMaggieto
answer.Heragitationrose.
Maggieplayedwithhernails,“Becauseitwasnothing,justadumbbird.Heflewinthroughthechimney.”
“Maggie,witheverythingyou’vethrough.Didyouexpecttoreactdifferently?”
Sheknewtheanswer.“Well,no.Butitwasstillembarrassing.”
“Embarrassingyoucan
livewith.Yourreactioncouldhavesavedyourlife.”
“Butmylifewasn’tinjeopardy.”
“Perhapsnot.ButJackwillbeoutofprisonsoon.Andthesethoughtpatternswillemerge.Youeithertrustyourselftostaysafe,oryoudon’t.”
Shedidn’twanttotalkaboutJackgettingout.Sheknewhewasmonthsawayfromhisrelease.Andshe
knewhewouldtrackherdown.
“Wearegoingtocheckyourlevelsthisvisit.Nowanswerashonestasyoucan,don’toveranalyzeyourresponse.”Maggieshookherheadindicatingshewasready.
“O.K.Maggie,howareyoudoingwithyourresponsetodanger?”
“Seven,”shereplied.“Howareyoudoingwith
memoryassociation?”“Asix,”sheanswered.“Andhowwouldyou
rateyourcurrentstateofanxiety?”
“Aneight,atleast.”Shemarkedtheanswers
onachart.“Andhowisyourflinchingandscaring?”
“It’saboutafive.”DoctorGibbonslooked
up.“Thesearehighlevels.Whatdoyouattributethattoo?”
Sheexhaledagainandspokeslowly,“Everything.Jack,theholidays,lastnight.And,Imetsomeone.”
DoctorGibbonsshowedsomeinterest.“Oh.Wellthat’sapositive.Wheredidyoumeet?”
“Actually,atmyhouse.”Hershoulderscurleduplikealittlegirl.
“Great.Canwetalkmoreaboutthisnewperson?”
Maggiehappilyswitched
gears.“HisnameisBenHall.Helivesdownthestreetfromme,withhisaunt.He’sanengineerandworksinDenver.”
“Whythelongcommute?”
“Ihaven’taskedhimyet.”
“Isee.Whatelsecanyoutellmeabouthim?”
“Eliseemstolikehim.”“That’sgood.WasEliat
homewhenyoumethim?”
“Yes.WecamehomewithagiantChristmastree,tiedtothecar.Benhappenedtoseeusdrivebyandcameupthedrivewaytoaskifweneededhelpunloading.”
“Andyouaccepted?”“Yes.Ididn’tfeelthreatenedorevennervous.Itwasdarkoutwhenwegothome.Thatusuallysetsmeoff.”
“Haveyouhadanynegativethoughts?”
“Ofcourse,butmyintrigueoverthewholethingoutweighsthem.”
“That’sgoodMaggie.Ithinkyoutookamajorstep.Youtrusted,youputyourfeelingsfirstratherthanyourfear.That’shealthy.”Dr.Gibbonshandedheramirror.“Lookatyou.Whatdoyousee?”“Iseehealing.Iseehappiness.”Sheputthemirrorinherlap.
“That’snotwhatIsawwhenwefirstmet.”
“Whatdidyousee?”Maggieasked,regrettingittheminuteitcameout.“Isawawomanwho,withouttellingherstorydisplayedself-doubt,someseriousmindcontrol,andintimidation.Butlookatyounow.Therehasbeenprogressineveryarea.”
“ButwhataboutJackgettingoutofprison.”
Thedocadjustedherseat.“Thereisnothingyoucandoaboutthat.Youhavetakenalltheprecautionarymeasures.Allyoucandonowismoveonwithyourlife.Tomorrowispromisedtonoone.”
Thatnight,afterEliwasinbed,Maggiepulleddownthecordtotheatticwhereshestoredtheirdecorations.Thesoundofthespringsbroughtbackamemory.Sheeased
herwayuptotheopening,everystepaninchclosertoherfear.Whenthepolicephotographedtheatticshepassedout.SherecalledtheweaponsandhowitshowedevidenceofJack’sneurosis.Butthejudgedidn’ttakethatintoaccountwhenhesentencedhim.Hewasevaluatedintherapyandgivenalightsentence.
Maggietookadeepbreathandremindedherself
thatshewasinasafeplacenow.Therewasnoevidencethatjackhadfoundher,infacttheoddsofthathappeningwerelessthan15percent.
Shedraggeddownafewboxes,carefultohidethewrappingpapersoEliwouldn’tseeit.
Howshemanagedtoprotectthechildfromthemadnessshehadnoidea.Itwasliketrustingaghost.She
followedtheadviceoftheprofessionalsandshekepthercomposureasmuchaspossible.Butthecomposurehadadarkside.ShewasabletoholdapokerfacewithJack.Itbecamesecondnature.Shecouldwieldhismoodswithherbodyandherwords,allthewhilebeingterrified.
Sherepeatedhersafesentence.“Iamsafenow,weareawaynow.Godishere.I
amokay.”Shelinedupthebinsandboxesalongthewallinthediningarea,itwasstillempty.Whydidsheneeditanyway,itwasjustherandEli.Theydidn’thavemanyguestsotherthanClaire,andnowBen.
SpeakingofClaire,sheneededtocallher.Sheleftavoicemailandhopedherfriendcalledback.Ithadbeenthreedayssinceeverythingwentdown.Claire
wouldknowwhattodo—ifshecouldjustgetaholdofher.
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
Valasleptoutsidethe
door.Maggie’sdreamswererestless.Sheturnedhereandthere,hopingtoget
comfortable.ShereachedovertofeelforElimultipletimes.Eachtimeshefelthissoftcurls,hermindeasedbacktosleep.Shecouldhearhissoftbreathingasshenestledintothepillowanddozedoff.
Likemostwomen,hermindkeptwandering.ItwasthreeweeksbeforeChristmasandshestillhadnoofficialplans.Hershoppingwasrestrictedtoonlineandwho
knewhowmanypackageshadshowedupatthepostoffice.Sheneededtocheck.Howmanymoreholidayswouldshestayawayfromhome?Celebratingwithjustthetwoofthemwasboring.Lastyear,ClariehadmadeittoMaggie’sfordinner,butthatwasafterhergirlslefttoseetheirdad.Elihadnoonetoplaywith.
Shehadn’taskedbutmaybeBen’sauntwould
invitethemover;Eliwouldlovethat.Ormaybeaflighthomewouldbethebestwaytoputthisbehindher?Shelettheideasresonateandleftthewarmthofherbedforacupoftea.
Aquickglanceoutthewindowhadalreadyshowedtheremnantsofalatenightsnowfall,maybe4-5inches.
Maggiepulledoutherjournalandsatatthetablewithsometea.Valawas
snuggledupbythefire.Forthefirsttimesincethebirdincident,shefeltatease.
Herpeneaseditswayacrossthepageasanewpoemflitteredoffherfingers.
Thedarknesssteppedback,whenthelightinmyheartbegantospread.Andinthatlightwasrevealedtome,
anewthing,bornofheaven,agiftoffreedomwherelovecouldgrow.
SeedlingsgrewuponthegroundandallaroundmeIamblessed.Forwhatisaflowerifnotcherishedbythegrowerandwhatislifeifnotlivedinperfectlove?
Maggiesippedherteaandletthefulfillmentofpridestrengthenher.Shestaredatthepaperwithasenseofpride.Icanwrite.Jackwouldoftengrabherpadandaskherwhoshewaswritingaboutorwhy.Soeventuallyshestopped.WhenshewaspregnantwithElioneofherclientsneededalovepoeminsertedintothebook,so
Maggiewroteit.ButwhenJacksawit,well,heassumedshehadaboyfriend.That’swhenhesatherdownandthreatenedher.Maggieshiveredjustthinkingabouttheintensityonhisface.Thewayhiseyesturnedintopoolsoftar;itwasinhuman.Andsheknewhemeantit.SomeofthewomenattheshelterhadbeenbeatenterriblyandMaggieoftenfelt
forthem.Shecarriednophysicalscars,buttheysaythat’sevenworse.Maggiesippedherteaagainandglancedoutthewindow.Maybeshecouldcreateanewlifenow.Maybethiswasallpartoftheplan.Valapacedbythediningroomandpeeredoutthefrontwindow.Maggiewascertainsheneededawalk,butthatwouldhavetowait.
Elireachedonhistippytoesforthegaragedoorbutton.Hepresseditwithhisfingerandupitwent.HelookedbackforBen.“Impressivebuddy.”Asthedoorrose,alightdustingofsnowhadcoveredtheroad.Hestormedoutsidewithhisbootsandhatflapping.“Heisasurgeofenergy.”
Maggieplacedherhandsinhercoatpockets.“Tellmeaboutit.That’stheproblemwithsinglechildren,theyhavenoplaymates.”“Heneedsone.”“Welltodayhehasyou.”Bensmiledandstrolledalongbesideher.“Soifyoudon’tmindmeasking,whydidn’tyouhavemore?”Maggiepuckeredherlips.“Well,EliandIhave
beenonourownsincehewastwo.Therewasn’tmuchtimeinbetweenthedivorceandnow,soIsettledforwhatIhave.”“Howlonghasitbeen,ifyoudon’tmindmeasking.”“Aroundthreeyears.Tookalittlewhileforthepaperworktogothroughbutwe’vebeenonourownatleastthatlong.”“Andyourex.
Wherewashe,lastyouknew?”“Prison,inNewYork.”Benrubbedthebackofhishead.“DoesEliknow?”Sheshookherhead.ThesnowfellharderandElispunaroundincirclesasthegrayskydelivereditsfloatingwhiteflakes.BenlookedatMaggie,“It’sgoingtobeokay.Idon’tknowwhy
IamsayingthatbutIbelieveit.”Shekepthereyesonherboy.“Hisfatherwantshim.Forwhatreason,Idon’tknow.Butifhefindsus,it’sgoingtogetugly.”BenlookedatEli.“Whatdoyoumean?”Shepointedtothedog.“Vala’saguarddog.”Ben’seyebrowspulledback.“Youtrainedher?”
Maggiegaveherthecommandtosearchtheproperty.“Hl’adanie.”ShecanteredoffpastEliandroundedthedownslopeheadingtothebackyard.Inamatterofseconds,shewasgone.“Klaustrainedher.It’swhyImovedhere.”“Yourboss?”Benaskedashebegantoputthepiecestogether.“Yes.”
Benswallowedandtheconversationfell.“IfIevercameoverhereandyouwerenothome,doIwanttoknowwhatwouldhappen?”Maggiehungherhead.“Iwouldn’tsuggestit.”“Isee.”“Whatisshecapableof?”Maggieslowedhersteps.“Shewilldowhateversheneedsto,inordertoprotectus.”
“Thisisrealisn’tit?Thepossibilityofyourexhuntingyoudown.”“I’vebeenontherunforalongtimenow.IwanttomovepastthisbutaslongasheisaliveIdon’tthinkIwilleverfeelcompletelysafe.”TheconversationmadeMaggieuncomfortable,butitneededtobedone.IfBenwasgoingtoleavethem,soonerwouldbebetter.
Benmadenoexcusetoleave.Insteadhesuggesteddinnerout,attheBuffaloDiner.TheymadeafreshlasagnaeverySaturdaynight.ElilovedItalian,soitwasaperfectmatch.Thewaitercametotheirtablewiththreesodas.Eliboppedupanddowninhisseat,touchingeverythingfromthesugarpacketstothecrayonsthehostessgavethem.Ashecticastheday
hadbeenBen’soffertoeatoutwasjustwhattheyneeded.DinnerwassimpleandanaftermealwalkwassuggestedbyBen.Maggiebundledupandfollowedthemenintothebriskair.Therewasaparkbehindtherestaurant,notmuchofapark,butstillaniceopenfieldwithroomtorun.Thecoupleleftoutthefrontdoormakingfreshfootprintsinthesnow.Eliran
towardtheopenfield,pickingupastickalongtheway.“Slowdownhoney,Idon’twantyoutofall.Therecouldbeice.”Bentookherhand.“Nowwouldyoulookatthesky?”Shelookedupattheskypaintedwithstars.Thedrycoldairinvigoratedherspirit.Tonight,Maggiefeltatpeace.Elistoppedand
turnedaround.“Thestarsarealwaysthere,evenduringtheday.”“Ohreally.Thenhowcomewecan’tseethem?”QuizzedMaggie“Becausethesunisbrighterthanthestarsbutpeopleontheothersideoftheworldcanseethem,becauseit’snighttime.”“That’sagoodanswerbuddy.”Maggiewasproudof
herson.Itwasalessonshecouldlearn;herfearsmayalwaysbetherebutitwastimeforthesuntocomeout.“SowhatlanguagedoyouusetospeaktoVala?Icouldn’tmakeitout.”“Ican’ttellyou.”Benwentalongwithherjesting,butshewasindeedserious.Ifsomeoneknewwhatlanguagethecommandswere,theymayhavetheupperhandina
situation.Maggiedidn’ttakethoserisks.
“Whatabouthername.Canyoutellmeaboutthat?”
“It’sWelch,itmeansChosen.”
“IssheaGermanShepherd?”
“Technicallyyes,butshewasraisedinCzechoslovakia.”
Benletgoofherhandwhenawetsplatofsnowhithisleg.Elibeganlaughing,as
didMaggie.Benleanedovertogathersomesnow,butwhenhestoodup,Elibatteredhimagain.“Takethat,”hegiggled.Maggiewatchedasthetwoexchangedpowderysnowballs.“Thiswasit,”sherepeatedtoherself.Thisiswhathavingafamilyissupposedtobelike.
ClairesatdownonherbedwhileMaggiewentthroughhercloset.Sheranherfingersthroughtheendlessarrayofdresses.Sofareverythingshetriedonwaseithertoosexy,ornotformalenough.“Youareoverthinkingthis,justpickone.”“Iwanttolookperfect.”“Maggie,thisguymetyouwhenyouhadtreesapinyourhairandwere
coveredinhotchocolate,he’sgonnaloveyounomatterwhatyouwear.”AweekhadpassedandBenaskedheroutonaformaldate.“Ihaven’tbeenonadateinoveradecade.Idon’tknowwhattowear.”“Justpickoneandlet’smoveontoyourhair.”Thegirlsgottheirnailsdoneearlierintheday,quiteatreatforawomanwhospendsherdayswithcanines.
Finallysheemergedwithafittednavydress;thatgatheredacrossherwaist.“Howaboutthisone?”“Ilikeit,”Clairecooedmockinglywithawink.Maggieexaminedherreflectioninthemirror.“Thisisit.”TheywereheadingdowntoMorton’sintheSprings,oneofthemostrespectedrestaurantsinthe
town.Maggielikedagoodsteak,everynowandthen.Shejustcouldn’trememberwhenshelastateone.Clairerakedabrushthroughhercurlsandblewthemstraight.Hernervesstartedtojitter.Theanticipationwasexciting.Claireshowedherafewpairsofearrings.Sheslippedthehoopsintoherearsandtouchedthedanglingjewel.
Shehadasimilarpairathome.“Ican’trememberthelasttimeIgotthisdressedup.”
Butthatwasn’ttrue,shejustdidn’twanttoremember.IthadbeentheweekendbeforeChristmasandtheCatholicchurchwashavingaconcert,Handel’sMessiah.Shegottickets,thinkingthiswouldbeawaytobringsomehopeintotheirlives;maybethemusicwouldeaseJack’s
soul.Heagreedtogo.She
dressedfortheoccasionwearingafittedblackdress,muchliketheonesheworetonight.Sheworenojewelry,inanefforttokeepJackfromhisgrowingsuspicionthatshewasseekingmaleattention.Butevenwithalltheminutedetailssheworriedover,thenightneverwentaccordingtoplan.Never.
Theyarrivedlate,Jack’s
wayofrebellingsheassumed.Still,theymadeit.Theparkinglotwasfull.Hefoundaspacebuttookhistimemeanderingtowardthelobby.Thechurchwasmassive,anewbuildingwhichhousedoverathousandpeople.Itwasfourstorieshighwithspiresandstainedglass.Trulymagnificentfortheirlittletown.Herspiritswereinhighgearassheweavedthrough
theparkinglottogetinside.Thewindchillhaddroppedbelowtwenty,unusualforthelowerstates.Theusherbroughtthestrainedcoupleupfront,thereweretwoseatsinseparaterowsbutJackconvincedthemanheandMaggiecouldsqueezeintotheoutsideseat.Ratherthanarguetheattendantconceded.
Aftertheplaystartedup,Jack’sattentionwanderedupward.Maggiekeptlooking
overathimbuthewasoffinhisownthinking,obviouslysomethingcaughthiseye.ShenoticedhimstarttofidgetbutherthoughtsweremoreconsumedwiththepeoplesurroundingthemthancareforJack.Whatwashedoing?
Hepressedhardagainsther,andtheornateknobattheendofthepewburrowedintoherback.“Jack,youarehurtingme,”shewhisperedinahushedtone.
WhenthesoloistgotuptothemicrophoneJackjerkedhisheadbackandtwistedinhisseat.Maggiewasmortified.Beforeshecouldapologize,Jackgrabbedherbythearmandrushedheroutside.Hetoldherthatthedeathhaddescendedonthecityandthattheyneededtoleave.Hesaiditwascomingforafewpeopleandhetriedtostopit.Hethentoldherthatdeathhadarighttothese
people.Maggieswallowedhard
andgotinthecar.Shehadstartedtocrynotthathewouldnotice.Whatwasshetodo?Thiswascertainlynotthetimetoquestionhim,notwhenhecouldleaveherstrandedinthecold.Andwhowouldshecall.Hehadtakenherphoneaway.
Maggiefantasizedaboutcallingthecops.Howwouldtheyreacttoamanshoving
hiswifeoutofthecarintwentydegreeweather?Somehowtheymadeithomewithoutahugeargument.Mainly,shesurvivedthesetimesbybeingsilent.Jackcouldn’tescalateifshestayedoutofhisway.PickingupElialwayseasedthesituation,thoughitrearedupagainthatnight.
OneofMaggie’sfriendsrecognizedheratthechurch.Abriefwavefromtheaislein
frontofthemhadsentJackintoafury.Heaccusedheroftakinghimtothechurchjustsoshecouldflirtwithherboyfriend.Maggiestayedquiet.
Sheranabathandtriedtoassurehimhewasmistaken.Shewaswavingtothewomanintherowaheadofthem,notthemantoherright.
ButJackwasirate.ShefearedEliheardtheir
argumentandthescreechofthetiresasJackhustledoutthedoor.Sheknewhe’dreturndrunk.Thatwasthefirsttimesherecallednotlookinginthemirrorasshebrushedherteeth.Sheavoidedeyecontactatallcost.Partofherknewwhy.Shewasafraidofwhatshe’dsee.
Sheplacedthepinkpajamasoverherfreshlyshavedlegsandcrawledinto
Eli’sfullbed.Hermuffledcriesdidnotleaveherlips.Sheprayedashardasshecould,withherhandscuppedoverherface.
CHAPTERFIFTEENMaggieclosedthedoorandwatchedBenpull
outofthedriveway.Thenighthadnotendedthewaysheplanned—farfromit.ClairepeekedoutfromEli’sroom,andlookedatherfriend.SheheldupherfingerasMaggiepulledherhairupanddiscardedherheels.Sheopenedthecabinetsuntilshelocatedabottleofwine,thenremovedtwoglassesandcollapsedonthecouch.ClaireshutEli’sdoor
andscurriedtothecouch.“Sowhathappened,whyareyouhomesoearly?”ShetriedtowhispersoElididn’thearher,butshewasfrazzled.Hernerveswerespinningaboutandshewantedtoscream.“Ittookhimweekstoaskme,thenhegetsanemergencycall.Therewasafireathisconstructionsite.Canyoubelievethat?”“OhMaggie,I’m
sorry.”Shehuffed.“It’scompletelyunfair.”Clairetuckedherlegsuptoherchestandlistenedtoherfriend.“Well,itwasn’tadisaster.Youtwowillgooutagain,whenhegetsback.”Maggiecoveredherfacewithathrowpillow.“Ugh.“Ican’tsithere,I’mtoowoundup.”“Whatareyougonna
do?”ShecalledforVala.“I’mgoingforalatenightwalk.”“Ithoughtyouwereafraidofthecoyotes?”“IambutI’mmoremadrightnowthananything.Ican’tsithere.”Sheputonherworkbootsandaheavycoatbeforeheadingoutside.“Usethefrontdoor,soyoudon’twakeupEli.”
“Goodidea.”Beforeshereachedtheporchsteps,thecoyotehowlswerealreadyfillingthenightair.TheywereadistantreminderofhowscaredshewaswhentheyfirstarrivedinColorado.Maggiecouldnevershakethefeelingthatsomeonewasfollowingherorcouldsneakupbehindher.Beingalone,outside,madeherfeelvulnerable.Buttonightshepushedthrough
thosefeelingsandwasdeterminedtotakecontrolofherthoughts.ShehadBentothankforthat.Hesawpastheranxietyandgavehersimplesuggestions.Infact,hisperceptionwasthecompleteoppositeofhersanditwasveryhelpful.Whereshesawweakness,hesawgrowth.Sheproceededtowalkthedogdespiteheranxietyandfoughtitwith
everystep.MaggielookedupattheskyandrememberedwhatElitoldher,thestarswerealwaysshining,evenduringtheday.Withadeepbreathandasenseofpride,shecenteredherthoughtsonallheraccomplishments.ShekeptElisafe,shemovedacrossthecountry.Shemadeanewlifeforherselfandherpathwasbeginningtomakesense.WhetherornotBenjoinedher,shecouldfeelthe
momentumrising.ShewasphysicallyfreefromJackbutnowhermindwasalsosheddingthescalesofthepastandsteppingintoanewplace—Onewhereshethoughtforherself.ValawanderedaboutasMaggietrailedclosebehind.Shekeptineyerangeofthehouse,admiringsomeoftheconstructiongoingondownthestreet.Everyyearanothercabinwastorndown
forsomemonstrosity,butMaggiedidn’tcare.Elilovedthemachineryandbigtrucksthatpulledinthroughtheneighborhood.Valahadnewscentstosmellandherscurryingmadewalksfastandeasy,aslongastheyventuredneartheconstructionsite.Valapickedherheadupandstaredattheroad.Sheturnedbacktopeekatthehouseasacarzoomedby.
“Jerk,”Maggieshoutedasshejumpedback.Whatkindofidiotdrovelikethataroundhere?Thereweredeerandotherwildlife,andthestreetswerepitchblackinparts.Maggielookedatthetaillightsasthecartookaturnatthebottomofthehill.Shewassureshehadn’tseenitbefore,andwhoeverwasdrivinghadsomethingontheirmind.Thereweresometeenagersat
thetopofthehillwhopartiedfrequently.Maggiesawtheirleftoverbeercansandcigarettesloiteredacrosstheconstructionsite.Itbotheredher,butnomorethananyotherrecklessbehavior.Shedidn’twantthatkindoflifeforEli.Shewantedhimtofindahobbyorsportandpursuehiseducation.Shewantedgrandkidsandevenmorekids,whiletherewasstill
time.Butforthatsheneededahusband.RaisingElialonehadbeenhardenough.ItwouldbenicetofindsomeonelikeBenwhoactuallyhadaheartandwasakind,gentleman.Thehousewaswarmwhenshereturned.Clairewasnestleduponthecouchwithahotcupofcoffee.“Youmadecoffee?”“Yes.Nowgetyour
buttoverhereandtellmeaboutthedate.”“Itwasfine.”Clairenudgedher.“Don’tgivemethat.Theguyhadashirtandtieon.Whatelsehappened?”“WewenttoMorton’s,andsatbythefire.”“That’sthebest.”Sheclosedhereyestoimagineit.“Tellmemore.”“Whatdoyouwanttoknow?”
“Well,whathappened,howdidheact?Whatdidyoutalkabout?”ShefeltthewayElimustfeelwhenshehammershimwithendlessquestions.“Claire,he’sagoodman.Ilikehim.ButIbarelyknowhim.”“Goodpoint.HaveyoutoldhimaboutJackyet?”Maggietiltedherheadandstaredatherfriend.“Heknowsalittlebit.Buthe
doesn’tknowwhatIwentthrough.”Shebroughtthemugtoherlips.“Areyougonnatellhim?”Maggiepulledattheseamofthecouchcushion.ClairelookedandMaggieandurgedher,“Youbetterdothatsoon,beforeyougettooattached.“Iknow.”“I’mnotkidding,Maggie,tellhimassoonas
hegetsback.”CHAPTERSIXTEENKlauswenttoDenverMondaymorning,leavingMaggiealone.Koji’snewownerswereflyingherouttoCaliforniasoshe
neededtogetthepapersready.ThiswasthefirsttimeshewouldsignthemandpreparethewholepacketforKlaus.Itwasalsoanotherreasonshewantedaraise.Sherehearsedherreasoningwhileshecheckedonthekennels,makingsurethehelpwasdoingtheirjob.ShecheckedtheYakMeatinthefreezerandpreparedthenextweeksorder.Mondayswere
typicallybusy,sincecallsbackedupovertheweekend.WhenBencalledonherlunchbreak,sheknewitwouldbeashortconversation.Shehadn’theardfromhimsinceSaturdaynight,whichmeanthewasslammed.AllshereceivedfromhimSundaywasatextsayinghewasokayandtherewasalotofworktodo.“Heystranger,”she
saidwithyearninginhervoice.“Hi,”hemuttered.Shecouldheartheexhaustioninhisvoiceinjustoneword.“Itakeitthingsaren’tgoingsogood.”“You’dberight,”hesaidshortly.“ListenIcan’treallytalk,justwantedtostayintouch.How’sEli?”Shetwiddledapenasshesatbackinherofficechair.“He’sfine.Wewent
sleddingyesterdayuponMorganHill.Itwasalotoffun.”“Good,Iamgladtohearthat,”hisvoicesoftened,butwasstillrushed.Maggiedesperatelywantedtobeheldinhisarms.Sheneededhim.“Yeah,maybewecouldtakehimsometime.”“Thatsoundsgreat.ListenIcan’tsaywhenI’llbehome,Ithinktomorrow,butitalldepends.”
Maggieassuredhimsheunderstood.“Whatareyoudoingtokeepbusy?”Shesmiled.“WellElihasapartintheschoolplay.He’sadonkey,soIguessIneedtosewacostume.”“That’ssomecostume.”“I’llmanage.Thestoreintownusuallyhassuppliesforthingslikethis.
Therewasnoiseinthebackground.“Mag,Igottogo.LetmetryyoutonightonceIgetbacktothehotel.”“Okay.”“Bye.”Itwasanawkwardcallbutatleasthemadeaneffort.Sheputherphonedownandabsorbedherselfinthecontractshewaswriting.Ifshehurried,shemayhavetimetogetthatcostumebeforeshepickedupEli.
Ittookherallmorningbutthecostumewasfinallyfinished.BenhadreturnedlateonTuesdayanddrovetoherhousetosayhello.Eliwasthunderingacrossthefloorinhisspacepajamas,wantingtoplay.Benpattedhishead,“Yousettledownandgetsomegoodsleep.Tomorrow’sabigday.”Elilookedupathim.
“What’stomorrow?”“Isn’tityourschoolplay?”“Ohyeah,”Herepliedexcitedly.“Areyougoingtocome?”Benwalkedhimbacktohisroomandtuckedhimin.“Mommyalreadyreadtome,butwecansayprayers.”Maggielistenedfromthekitchen,shewasn’tsureBenbelievedinGod,or
theUniverse,oranything.ButshedefinitelydidandsodidEli.Hisfaintvoicewarmedherheartasthewordsmetherears.“Lordabove,thankyouforthisamazingboy.Mayyoubringhimstrength,andpower,laughterandsport.Thankyouforhismomwholoveshimdearlyandthankyouforlovingusall.Amen.”Maggiekept
remindingherselfnottogettooinvolved.Shehadn’ttalkedwithBenyetaboutherpersonalhistoryandshewantedtotellhim.Whenhecamebacktothekitchen,shehadtocoverheryawn.Maybetonightwasnotthetimetogetintoanelaboratestory.Benwrappedhisarmsaroundher.“I’msorryIhadtorunofflikethat.”Hekissedherhead.
Claire’sdirectiveswereringinginherears.Tellhim—thesoonerthebetter.“Imissedyouguys.”“Wemissedyoutoo,”Maggiewhisperedasshenestledintohiswarmembrace.“I’mgladyouareback.”Hebrushedherhairbackwithhishand.“Metoo.”Shefeltthenervesriseinherthroat.
“Ben,Ithinkweneedtotalkaboutmypast.I’dratheryouknownow,whoIamandwhatI’velivedthrough,beforeI,”wait,sherephrasedthat.“Beforewegettooattachedtohavingyouaround.”Hissugarybrowneyesmeltedher,ashestaredatherfromafootaway.“Couldn’twetalkaboutittomorrow?”“That’sthething,
everytimeIwanttotellyou,eitherEliinterruptsoryouhavework,orIchickenout.I’dratherjusttellyounow.Andcleartheair.”Benmotionedtowardthekitchentable.“Alright.”
Thetablecouldseatsix.NomatterhowhardshetriedMaggieneverfeltathomeinherownhouse.SheandElididadduptoahappyfamily.Sheneededsomethingmore.
Whileshewasopentoadoptingachildorhavingmore,Benalsoseemedlikeagreataddition.Afamilyunitwasimportanttoher.Andshewasn’tsettlingforBen,hewashereandhelikedher.
“What’sthisbigsecretlifeyouhavetotellmeabout?”
Maggiewantedtocomeclean,tolethimknowhowshethoughtandwhatsheexperienced.Shehadalotof
apprehensionandfear,andsheneededBentoknowtherealher.Withherhandsinherlapandaquietvoicesheproceeded.
“Heregoes.Jackstartedseeingthingsbeforewegotmarried.”Bentwiddledhisthumbs.“Huh?”“Jackstartedtoseethingsthatotherpeopledon’t.”Bensatforward.“What
doyoumean?”
“ImeanJacksawghosts,demons,deadpeople,angels.”“What?Doesthedudehaveparanoiaorsomething?”“Couldbe,”sheoffered.“He’sneverbeendiagnosed.”“Didhehurtyou?”He
askedtensinghisjaw.Maggiepreparedherself.
“Yes,morethanonce.”Hecuppedherhands
fromacrossthetable.
“Maggie.Ihadnoidea.”Hereyeswelledup.“I’d
ratherjusttellyounow,thatthismaybewhatyouaredealingwithshouldwekeepseeingeachother.”Hisphonebuzzedagain.Helookedatthenumber.“Oh.”Hesmiled.“Badtiming,butIwassupposedtogetsomesaltformyauntandtakecareofthedriveway.Letmedropoffthebagsbeforeshegoestosleep,
I’llfreshenup,andthenIamcomingback.Isthatokaywithyou?”“I’dlikethat.”“I’msorrytocutyouoff,butI’drathertakecareofher,she’sbeensogoodtome.”AnxietyhadlongbeenasourceofadrenalineforMaggie.WaitingtoseeifBenactuallycamebackstartedheronthisemotionalmerrygoround.Whatifhe
didn’tcomeback,whatwouldshetellEli?MaggiepoppedaGabasupplementaftershewalkedBentothedoor.Shescribbledanoteandleftitonherbedroomdoor.TalkingaboutJackmadehernervous.ShecalledValawithherintothebathroomandsteppedintoasteaminghotshower.Maggieletthesudsrunoverhertiredskin.Afewmoreminutesof
blissandherworrieswouldwashdownthedrain.Shesqueezedtheconditioneroutofherhairandpattedherfacedry.IfBenhadnotreturnedsheplannedonsittingatthekitchentablewithherlaptop,maybeshecouldorganizeherunopenedmailandcatchuponthebillsthatshemissed.Butjustincasehehad,sheslippedonapairofyogapantsanddraped
alongsweateroverhershoulders.Uncertainoftheprotocolsheglossedherlipsandtoweleddriedherhair.Valafollowedheroutoftheroom.Thecrackleofthefireinthequitehousehelpedeasehertension.“Heythere,”Bensatupasshewalkedoutfromthebedroom.HewaslaiduponthecouchwiththeTVonsoftly.“Ihopeyoudon’tmindbutIbaggedupsome
garbagethatwasstrewnacrossthedriveway.Iwasn’tsurewhereValawassoIdidn’tputitinthegarage.”“Thankyoufordoingthat.”Shesawtheplasticbagtiedupbythedoor.Benreallywasathoughtfulguy.Withthatherheartopenedalittlewider.Maggiefeltapokeonher
shoulder.Shejumpedtowardthecenterofthebed,herpulseracing.HereyesflashedopentoseeElistandingthere.“HiMommy.”“Baby,don’tsneakuponmommylikethat.”“ButIdidn’t,youwerecallingme.”“Iwas?”Shepushedherhairback,itwaswet.Shemusthavebeendreaming.“Whattimeisit?
“It’safter8:00.That’swhatBensaid.”Ben?That’sright,theyhadthetalk.ShetoldhimaboutJackandheactuallystayedthenight.Sherecalledsomewineandfallingasleepinhisarms.Therestwasablur.ShelookedatEli’sfeet,noticingtheoversizedworkboots.ThankfulthatElididn’tfindBeninherroom,shereachedforherrobeand
dashedintothebathroom.“I’llbeoutinasecond.Didyoueatbreakfast?”“Yes,Bengotusdonuts.”“Thatwasniceofhim.”“Didhegetthekindyoulike?”“Yeah.Heletmepickoutthree.”Herthroattightened.“YouwenttothestorewithBen?”
“Uhhuh.”Hedashedbackupthehallwayandlefthertostew.HowcouldhetakeElioutwithoutherknowing?Whatwashethinking?Withheradrenalinepumping,shefollowedhimoutofthebedroomreadytogiveBenapieceofhermind.Valasatperchedonherbed,asifnothingwerewrong.Eliranaroundthelivingroomwithhistoys,
playingsuperhero.Benhadhisbacktoher,andallsheheardwasthejangleofhisspooninacoffeemug.Whatcouldhavebeenapleasantmorning,nowputheronedge.“Whatareyoudoing?”sheaskedthroughclenchedteeth,eyesheldnarrow.Heturnedtowardherwithagiantsmile.“Goodmorning.Didyougetsome
goodsleep?”Maggietightenedherrobe.Yes,shedid—Notthatitwashisbusiness.Sheignoredhisquestionandshotback,“WhydidyoutakeEliwithyou?”Ben’ssmileflattened.“Oh.Um,Ithoughtitwasbestifyougotsomesolidrest.Hewasupat6:15,soIthought,”hisvoicetrailedoff.“Wellyouthought
wrong!IfIwokeupanddidn’tseeBen,Iwouldhavethoughttheworst.Ithoughtyou’dunderstandthat,aftereverythingIsharedwithyou.”BythelookonBen’sface,Maggieknewherpointwassinkingin.Elitookofhismask.“Don’tyellatBenmommy.Iwantedtogowithhim.”Shesawasmudgeofcreaminhishairandknewhe
hadaBostoncreamdonutwithchocolateicing.ItwastooearlyforElitohaveallthatsugarandbesides,itwascompletelysenselessforanadulttotakesomeone’schildwithouttheirpermission.Bensethismugdown.“Whydon’tIletyouguyshaveapeacefulmorning.Wecanalwaystalklater.”Shewalkedtothefridgeandopenedittosurvey
whatshewantedforbreakfast.“Muchlater,”shesnapped.BenheadedtothedooraftergivingElianenthusiasticgoodbye.Thechildgavehimahighfiveandspunaround.Thenhecuppedhishandsoverhismouth,“SorryBen.Momgetsmoody.”Maggierolledhereyes.Yes,thereweretimeswhenheranxietyoverEli’ssafetywasabitmuch,but
whenEligotolderhewouldunderstand.Rightnow,shewantedherhouseback.Thisisexactlythekindofmisunderstandingthattoldhershewasnotreadyforarelationship,andmayneverbe.
CHAPTERSEVENTEENElihadaskedaboutBenthewholewaydownthemountain,hopinghewould
makeittotheplay.Maggietriedtododgehisquestions.ClairewaswaitinginthelobbywhenMaggiearrived;shelookedsostylishMaggiefeltantiquated.“Runninglatearewe?”“Honestly,boyscangetintosomuchtrouble?”“Whathappened?”Thetwogotinlineandtrailedtheotherparentsintotheauditorium.
“First,Klauscalled,somehowhemisplacedacontractIsavedonthecomputerandneededmetofindit.Next,Eli,whileIwasbusydoingthat,worehiscostumearoundthehouseandputaskidmarkinthedonkey’sknee.Lastly,whileIwassewingitatthekitchentable,IfoundanotethatEliwrotemethatmorning,whenhewentoutforbreakfast.Ihowever,jumpedto
conclusionsandyelledatBen.”Shepulledatherownlip.“Sonowhe’snotcoming,atleastIdon’texpecthimtoo.”TheprincipalintroducedtheKindergartenchoir,andfirstgradeclassintheirperformanceofBethlehem.ThelightsdimmedasMaggieshuffledherarmsoutofhercoat.Clairepoisedhercamera,whichtookincredibleshotsinlowlight.
Whenthecurtainopened,mostoftheclassstoodonrisers,singingasong.Thebackdrop,providedbytheartdepartment,wasofastarrynight.Astheysangaherdofshepherdsapproachedthestage.“Where’sEli?”Claireaskedassheleanedonhertiptoes.“Heplaysthedonkey.You’llsee.”Elihadexplainedhowthefirstgrader
whoplayedthepart,actuallystoodbesidehiminawayitlookedlikehewascarryingheronhisback.“Ican’tbelieveBenismissingthis,”Maggiesaidsadly.Clairelookedherway.“You’retheonewhowasmeantohim.”“WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Iwokeup,afterthebestnightssleepin
mylifeonlytofindoutthatBenhadtakenElioutofmyhomewithouttellingme.”“Exactly.Youhadthebestnightsleepofyourlife.YouneedtostopthinkingeveryoneislikeJack.Moveon.Trustsomeone.”Maggiehuffed.Shewastrying.Claireneededtostoppushingher.Attheendoftheplay,Eliliftedoffhis
facemaskandbeamedasmomandClairetookpictures.Hewavedhello,hishandwhippingbackandforthlikehesawSantainthebackoftheroom.Thechildrenweredismissedbyclasstobewiththeirfamilies.SomethingagainthatmadeMaggienervous.ButwhenEliboundedoffthestageandrantothebackherheartspedup.Benwasthere,intheback.
Eveninthedimlightshecouldtellitwashim.Herheartwarmed,butyetagainherguardwasup.ShedidnotwanttobemadeafoolofandshewantedsomeboundariesinhisrelationshiptoEli.Hecan’tjusttakeoffwithhimlikethat.BenpickedupEliandweavedthroughthecrowd.Claireelbowedherintheribs,“Lookstomelike
thiskidnapperofyourshasarealheart.”Maggiepulledhershouldersbackasthetwoapproached.“Didyouseememom.WasIgood?”“Youweresogood.Thebestanimalinthewholeplay.”ClairesaidhellotoBenandEliinterrupted.“Weshouldgohavehotchocolate.Myteachermadeussomebackstage.”
Claireduckedoutclaimingshehadalastminuteerrandtorun.BenleaneddowntoMaggie.“Itakeityouneverfoundournote?”Shesmileduncomfortably.“Idid,justafteryouleft.”Shewalkedalongsidehim.“Look,aftereverythingIexplained,Iwasjustexpectingalittlemorecautionandcourtesyonyour
side.Whatmaybecommonsensetomostpeopleisadifficultreachforme.IamonguardmostofthetimeandI’mlearningtotrustmore.”Shelookedathisgentleeyes.“Itmaytakeawhile.”Benputhisarmaroundher.“I’msorryIwasinsensitive.Ihopeit’sokaythatIcame.”WiththewayEliwashangingalloverBen,sheassuredhimitwas.
“MomcanIridehomewithBen?”Benshookhishead.“Nottonightbuddy.IhavetoheadbacktoDenver,justwantedtocomesayhi.”Eli’sshoulderscavedin.Benputhishandontheboy’shead.“It’sjusttilltomorrow.I’llcomeseeyouwhenIgetback.”“Okay.”
WhenMaggiepulledintothedrivewayshenoticedoneofherneighborswavingtheirarms.Shepulleduptowardthedrivewayandrolleddownherwindow.“Amountainlionhasbeenintheneighborhood.Keepyoureyesopen.”“Thankyou.Whospottedit?”“Noone.Mrs.VonEifferfoundpartofadeerinthebackyard.”
Maggiestiffened.ThemountainlionhadaclearshottoherbackyardfromtheVonEiffers.Shewasonalert.Sheheadeduptheroad,nowwithanotherthingonhermind.Thelastsightsheneededtocomeuponwasahalfeatendeerorwhateveranimaltheliondecidedtofeedon.Herhighbeamslituptheroadassheapproachedthehouse.Acollectionof
papershadblownagainstthehouse.Itwasn’tthefirsttimetheroguewindsdeliveredherneighborsrecyclingontoherproperty.SheopenedthegaragedoorandusheredEliintothehouse.Bravingthewindshepickedupthesparetrashandcradleditagainsther.Mostofitwasnewspaperadvertisementsthatmusthavebeenpickedupbythewind.Sheheardthetickleofatin
canasshescurriedalong.Reachingouttopickitup,sherecognizedthebrand.Herheartstopped.Maggieshotstraightupandlookedaround.ThatwasJack’sfavoritebeer.Theydidn’tsellthisbrandinColorado.ItwasfromabreweryinNewYork.Sheleftthecanwhereitlayandhurriedintothehouse.Maggiehurriedtotheblindsandclosedeach
one.ShecommandedValatosweepthehouseandthedogobeyed.ThesoftsnowsettledoverCascadebeforeMaggiewenttobed.HerinternetsearchoftheNYbrewerykeptheruppasttwoa.m..Somewhereafterthatshefellasleeponlytohaveanightmaresweepoverher.Thistime,itwasneardark.Maggiewasrunningonthat
loneroadwiththesoundofthetruckapproaching.Asshedodgedintotheforestsheheardafaintcry,thistimeitwasnotVala,norEli.Thevoicewasherown.HereyesflashedopenasthesoundoftheTVprickedherears.Eliwasawake.Shegrabbedhercellphoneandcheckedthetime.Itwasafter8:00.Elihadprobablyfedhimself,andifthegroundwasfrozen,he
wasnotgoingtoschool.BeforeMaggiecouldgetdressedthephonerang.ItwasMrs.Gablefromschool.Thefamilywasontheirwayuptoenjoythesleddinghills.
Shepulleduptheweatherapponherphoneandconfirmedthesnowfalluntillatemorning.Shewouldn’tmakeittoworkinweatherlikethis,Klaus’sdrivewaywouldbeplowedinandhewasnotthetypetodigitout.
Maggieknewshewouldbestressedtoday,soallowingElitogoplaymaybeagoodidea.“How’snoon?”
“Noonwouldbeperfect.Seeyouthere?”
Shehungupknowingexactlywhatshe’ddowiththefreetime.Thefirstthingshewasgoingtodoaftershegothomewassortthroughthatendlesspileofmail,billsandthepotentialclientsthathadfilledupherinbox.
Eligobbledupanearlylunch,washedhisfaceanddidwhateverelsemomhadasked,includingmakingthebedandtidinguphisroom.At11:50hewasreadytoheadout.Helumberedouttothecarwithhissledinhishand.Maggiewatchedashestruggledtogetitintothebackseat.Gosh,he’sgettingsobig.Withafinalgruntheclickedhisseatbeltandshouted,“Allsetmom!”She
pouredwaterintoVala’sbowlandshutthedoorbehindher.Pullingoutofthegarageshetooknotethatthesnowhadalreadybeguntodescend.Hermusicplayedastheydrovedownthestreet,MaggiecasuallylookedforBen’scar,shouldhehavereturnedearly.
“WillBenbecomingfordinner?”
Sheturnedthecorner.“Ihopesosweetheart.Youjust
playandhavefun.Keepyourhoodup,soyoudon’tbangyourhead.”
“Iwill.”ThewildlifeinColorado
wasspectacular.AllachildneededtodowasopenhiseyesandBears,deer,mountainlions,snowhares,foxesandgiantsquirrelscouldbeseen.“Eli,doyourememberthebabybearthatclimbedupthetreeatthelibrary?”
Eli’sfirstBearsightingwastheveryfirstweekendtheyvisitedthecity.Itwasawelcomesign.
Thecarhadbarelycometoastop,whenElijumpedoutofhisboosterseatandopenedthedoor.“Slowdown.”
“Sorrymom,I’mjustexcited.”
Shekeptthecarrunningastheflurriesdancedthroughtheparkinglot.Shemadea
thermosofhotchocolatetokeephimwarmandpackedasnackincasehegothungry.Inrealitythough,whatkidwasgoingtostophavingfuntoeat?Nofiveyearoldsheknew.Butstill,providingbasicsmadeherfeellikeagoodmother.
MaggieclosedthecardoorandwavedtoMrs.Gable.Shehadforgottenherfirstnameanddidn’twanttoask.Thesethingswere
alwayssosensitive.ElihadtakenoffandwasdragginghissledbehindhimashehurriedtowardThurston.
Mrs.Gablestoodbyhermini-vanunloadingheryoungest.
“Thankyoufortheinvite.Heneededthis.”
“Ohit’snoproblem.TheyaresohypedupforChristmasIfiguredthiswouldgetalittleenergyoutofthem.”
“Haveyoufinishedyourshopping?”
Maggieshookherhead,notexactly.“Welldon’tforgettobuyyourselfsomething.Mom’stypicallyloseout.”
“That’strue.”ShehuggedEliandkissedhimonhisrosycheek.“Begoodandlistentowhattheadultssay.Anddon’twanderoff.”
CHAPTEREIGHTEENPike’sPeakwasbreathtaking.Maggiehadtogetacloserlook.Shethrewonheroversizedcoat,theonewithdeeppockets,andwhistledforVala.Thetwo
headedoutsidejustasMaggiesortedthroughthemail.Anythinginterestingwasplacedinherpockettherestwouldbetrashedwhenshegotback.ValastayedinstrideasMaggiepocketedaletterfromNY,probablyaninvoiceasshewasstillpayingforherdivorce.TheonlyotherinterestingpiecewasasmallblueenvelopeaddressedtoEli.Itlookedlikeaparty
invitefromaschoolfriend,thepostmarkwasColoradoSprings.Sheknewhewouldwanttoopenitupwhenhegothome.Speakingofinvites,whatwasshegoingtodoforChristmas?MaybesheshouldjustaskBenifhewantedtocomebyChristmasEve;thatwouldopenuptheconversationforpossibilities.Infact,sincehewasstoppingbylater,shecouldaskhimto
comebakecookies.Shehadn’tmadetheminyearsandhermomhadawonderfulrecipe.MaggieswallowedhardwhensherememberedwhathappenedwhenJackcametohermother’s.Eliwasjustababy.SheandhermomwereinthekitchenkneadingthebatterandlaughingwhenJackwanderedin.Hehadbeendrinkingallday,nothinghard,justbeerafterbeer.
WhenhelookedatMaggie,sherecognizedthedarknessinhiseyes.Hisentirefacehadchanged,asifhisangerhadmorphedhimintoadifferentform.Heleanedupagainstthedoorwayandjustwatchedher.Maggiefelthiscoldstareasifhewerehuntingherinagame.“Jack,how’sworkgoing?Maggie’stoldmethatyou…,”“Doyourselfafavor
don’tlistentoawordshesays,”hesneered,thehatedrippingoffhislipsMaggie’sshoulder’stightened.Sheheldontothecounterashedrewnear.“You’realyinglittlesnake,aren’tyou?”Hemovedaroundherlikeaslitheringvenomousreptile.“Spreadingmorebullshittoyourownmother,likethetruebitchyouare.”
Hermotherspokeup.“Jack,whateveryouthoughtyouheard,”“Getyourcoat,weareleaving.”Maggiecomposedherself.Shehadbeentellinghermomaboutthechangesinhispersonalityandhowquicklytheycame.Butsheneverimaginedthistypeofdisplay.Shewascompletelyembarrassed.“She’snotgoing
anywhereuntilyoucalmdown.”Hermothersteppedbetweenthetwo.JackslammedhisfistsonthecounterbesideMaggie.“It’sallrightmom.Wehavealongdriveaheadofustoday.”Hermotherstoodtherewithalookofshock.“Butwehaven’tevenhadChristmasdinner.”“Anothertime,”shesighed.Maggie’scomposure
wasstoicandmethodic,asshehadlearnedtobe.Shehadrevisitedthatepisodeonlyonceduringagroupsessionatawomen’sshelter.WheneversheenvisionedstandinguptoJackshealsoforesawhisreaction.Eveninhersleep,shewrestledwithhim.Valastoppedandstaredintothewoods.Maggietookafewstepsbefore
realizingshehaddaydreamedtoChristmaspast.Thewoodsweresilent—aneeriesilent,likeinherdream.Sheclosedhereyes,puttingherfaithentirelyinVala.Shelistenedtotheclankoftherandombirchbranchesastheymingledinthesoftwind.Thesnowhadstoppedfallinganhourearlier,leavingonlyadustingbythehouse.Asshestoodintheforest,shebreathedout
slowly,exhalinganyfearthatherpasthadbroughtuponher.Twomoredeepbreathsandshewasalmostclearofit.JustthenaBlackhawkliftedoffabranch,cawingitswayacrossthewoods.Maggiejolted.Thesurprisecaughtheroffguardandherpulseheightened.Hypervigilanceornot,whatcausedhertobesobravetowalkthisfar?Sheputthemailbackinherpocketandtrudgeduphill.
Whenthehousecameintoview,Maggiesurveyedthebackyard.Snowhadgatheredaroundthepostsofherneighbor’sfence.Elilovedtosleddownthehillbutafterthreeorfourruns,Maggiewasusuallyexhaustedfromtheincline.Thealtitudewasover9300feet,sotheairwasthin.Whenshehadenough,shewouldheadinsideandwatchfromthebasementdoororsit
outsidebeneaththesecondfloorporch.Benhowever,wouldhaveablastwithEli.Shesmiledatthethoughtofthemhangingoutmore.ElineededarolemodelandthefactthatshetrustedBenmadehimallthemoreperfectforthejob.Withagrinpaintedacrossherface,shestampedherfeetonthebasementmatandpreparedtounlockthedoor.Thewindpickedupand
Maggieheardtherattleofaluminum.Shesawacrushedanothercanof404beertogglingbetweenachairandtheoutdoorbinwhereElikepthistoys.Withlightningspeedsherantothefrontofthehouseandopenedthegaragedoor.Sherippedoffthetrashcanlid,anddugthroughthegarbagetothedebrisBenpickeduptwonightsago.Thereitwas.Andentirepack
ofbeercans.ShehauledthegarbagetothecurbanddialedBen.Herhandswereshaking.ShepacedbackandforthwithValabyherside.HerthoughtwanderedtoEli,hadJackfollowedhertothesleddinghillwashetherewithEli?Sheraninsidethehousetogetherwalletandkeys.Rushingthroughthekitchensheswipedthemailoffthecounterandsearchedforthemanilaenvelopefrom
herattorney.Shetoreitopen,realizingitwasnotaninvoice.Scanningtheletter,shereadtheopeningsentence,MaggieitiswithgreatregretIwritetoinformyouthatyourex-husbandJackhasbeenreleasedfromprison.Theletterfelltothefloorasshewhippedaroundandstormedouttothecar.Ben’svoicemailpickedup,andshesentan
emergencytext.Withhereyesontheroadshespedtowardtown,prayingEliwassafe.ShecalledThurston’sparents,butnooneanswered.Poundingherfistsonthesteeringwheel,shelaidonthehornandswervedaroundoncomingtraffic.MaggieflewupthepassandtookarightintownasshezoomedfartheruptowardsPike’sPeak.Twomilesandtheturnofftothe
parkwouldemerge.SheprayedloudlyaskingGodtoprotectherson.Shedarednotcallagain,thenthephonerang.ItwasBen.Shepressedtalkandwastoofrantictoexplainwhatwashappening.“Ben!”“What’sthematter?”Hertearsblurredhervision.“Jack’sout.Hegotout.He’shere.”“Maggie,areyousure?”heaskedindisbelief.
“Yes,myattorneynotifiedmetoday.”
Sheslammedonthehornandpassedadeliverytruckintheslowlane.
“I’monmyway.”Maggietossedthephone
tothepassengerseatandpulledintothepark.Shescannedtheparkinglotforthemaroonminivan,butmostofthelotclearedout.Wherewerethey?Maggietriednotthepanic.Hadshemissed
theircall?Sheranoutofthecar
yellinghisname.Sherusheddownthehill,passingtheremainingsledders,askinganyoneiftheyhadseenalittleboyinabluejacket.
Sheshoutedoverandover,“Eli,Eli.Eliwhereareyou?”
Someparentsheadedherwaybutnoonehadseenhim.SheaskedaboutThurstonandthefamilyhewaswith.But
nooneknewanything.Shespunaroundandheadedbackupthehill.
Thepeakwascloudedoverwiththesnowstorm.Theroadswouldgeticyinlessthananhour.Shespedoutofthelot,andracedintotown.SheredialedBen,thoughherfingersbarelydialed.Sheshoutedintothephone.“Eli’snotthere.He’snotthere.Hevanished.”
“Maggiebreathe.Where
areyou?”Hedidhisbesttocalmher.
“I’matSkyviewPark.Eliwasinvitedtogosledding.Idroppedhimoffatnoon.”
“Didyoucalltheparents?”
“Yes,Icalled.I’vebeencalling.Nooneisanswering.”
Maggiecametothelight.Asthesnowstartedtothicken.Herwiperswashed
awaythesnowasherdefrostwarmedthewindow.“PleaseGod,helpmefindmyson.”
CHAPTERNINETEENThepolicearrivedat
Maggie’shomeinunderfiveminutes.AdetectivefromtheSpringshadalreadybeennotifiedofherex-husbandsreleaseandMaggie’slawyerwasdoingeverythinghecouldtopullsomestrings.
Thedrivewaylooked
likeacrimesceneasBenconsoledMaggie.Hestartedafireandkeptherwarmwhilethepolicetrackedtheyardandusedtheirdogs.Valastayedperchedbythewindowbehindthekitchentable.AnofficerfromtheSpringswasgoingtotheThurston’shometoseeiftheboywaswiththefamilyandtherewassomesortofmisunderstanding.Untilthatwasruledouttherewas
nothingtodobutwait.Maggiekepthereyeson
Vala.Thedognevermadeeyecontact,shejustwatchedasthemenscouredthepropertyandtraipsedthroughthewoods.Shewastheonlyonewhoknewwhatactuallyhappenedaroundthehouse.She’dknowifJackwasthere.
“Doyouthinkshe’sseenhim?”
Withlipstrembling,MaggielookedatBen.“I’m
afraidtoanswerthat.Becauseifshehas,itmeanshe’sbeenhere,tomyhouse.Thenthisisnotanightmare,it’sreal.Andmysonmaybegoneforever.”
Heleanedoverandheldheragainsthimasshesobbedslowlyintohischest.Thedispatchradiokeptclickingasthedetectivemadehiswaythroughthehouse.Hehadtakendownthenumbertotheschool,teachers,playdates,
anyonewhomighthaveseenEliorhadcontactwithhisdad.
Theneighborsstartedgatheringinthestreet,thephonekeptringing.Clairecalledtwice,hertextsnowbuzzingineveryfiveminutes.“Haveyoufoundhim?”
Maggiechuckedherphoneacrosstheroom.“Wherearethey?”shescreamed.
DetectiveBrantstoodbeforeMaggie.“We’vesweptyourcomputerandthere’snotraceofabug.”
Shenodded.“Andyou’resureyouhavekeptoffallsocialmedia,there’snowayhecouldfindyou?”
“I’vebeenverycareful.Thiswasplanned,Iknewwhattodo.”
“Whataboutfriendsorrelatives.”
“No.Nooneknowswhereweare.Notevenmymother.”
“You’veseenthemoviesMaggie.Hecantrackanything.Anoiseinthebackground,adiscussionabouttheweather.Carrecords,taxes,anemail.”
“No.Iclosedeverything.”
Beninterrupted.“Whataboutyourpublisher?Isn’tsomeoneinaccountingstill
sendingyouacheck?”“Yes,buttheyknownot
togivehimanyinformation.Hemaynothavecalledthem,statinghewasyourhusband.Heprobablyhadanaliasandawellthoughtoutplan.”
Maggie’sheadhurt.“Look,Idon’tseehowanyofthisisgoingtohelpmegetmyboyback.”
MaggiepickedupherphoneanddialedThurston’sparentsagain.Asshe
thumbedoverherphone’sscreen,shelookedatthephoto.ShehadcancelledJack’screditcards,andevencloseddownheroldaccounts.Shedidallofhershoppinglocally,andpaidcash.Shethoughtsheleftnotrace.Butwait,sherecentlyorderedphotosandhadthemsenttohermom.Jackknewwhichcompanysheused.Thatwastheconnection.
Maggiewasfrazzled,everynerveseemedtobeonalertandBenwasheronlyreasonfornotcompletelylosingit.
DetectiveBranthadbeenonthephonewithherattorney.WithMaggie’sneedtoconstantlychangeherphonenumber;herattorneyhadbeenunabletocontacther,otherthanmailregardingJack’srelease.Fortunately,hewasabletogivethe
locationanddateofJack’sdischarge,sotheofficer’scouldbuildacase.
Maggiesatonthecouchstaringatthesmolderingfire.Benrubbedherback,tryingtocomforther.Hervoicewasweakandhereyesred.“Whyisthishappening?Whereishe?”
AnofficerspokewiththedetectiveinhushedtonesandthetwoapproachedMaggie.Herthroatknotted
up,infearofwhattheyfound.ShelookedupatDetectiveBrantashespoke.“Therewasahalfempty404cansittingoutsideEli’sporch.Wefoundasecondone,crackedopen,butfullbythefrontdoor.”Maggiebegantoshake.“No.Pleasedon’ttellmehewashere.”“Therearefootprints
matchingtheone’swefoundinthesnow,leadingthrough
thewoods,downthehill.”“Downthehill?”Ben
seemedshocked.“ButIlivedownthehill.Ihavedogs,theywouldhavefoundsomething.”
ThepoliceofficertookonelookatBen’sfeetandasked,“Whatsizeshoedoyouwear?”
“Atwelve.”“MayIseethesolesof
yourshoes?”Heliftedthemup,
muddysolesandall.“Thankyou.”Maggielookedatthecop
likehewascrazy.“I’msorryma’am,butwiththetracksinthebackyard,youneverknowwhomaybeouttogetyou.”
ShelookedupatBen,frightenedbythenewpossibilitythathehaddonethistoher.Washetheoneplayinggameswithher?Shepulledawayfromhimasherstomachswelledinfear.Who
couldshetrust?Shenoddedatthe
detectiveandbentforward.Bencouldn’tbetheoneresponsibleforallthis.Itwasjusthermindplayingtricksonher.Hewasthereforherallalong;withthemissingwood,themall.Thenagain,thatmayprovethathewasalwaysattherightplaceattherighttime.Thatcouldn’tbeacoincidence.
“Maggie,Ineedtoask
youmorequestionsaboutyourex-husband.”“Whatkindofquestions?”
“Wejustwanttobesurethatwecanprotectyouthebestwaypossible.Ifyouthinkhe’scomingforElithenweneedtoinformyourson’sschoolandanycaregivers.You’rebosswillneedtoknow,andperhapstheneighborssotheycankeepalookout.Isthereanything
thatmighthelpustorecognizeorlearnmoreabouthim;shouldhebeinthearea.”
Theyalreadyhadhisarrestphoto,butotherthanthat,shegavethemhistattoodescriptionsandalistofscarsonhishead,whichhekeptshaved.
“Ifheweretocomelookingforyou,wouldheharmyou?Isheafteryourson?”
Maggie’sthroatnearlyclosed.Wasn’tthatthewholereasontheywerehere,toprotecther.OfcourseJackwantedtohurther.Sheturnedhimin.
Shedroppedherheadintoherhandsandletthetearsflow.“Thiscan’tbehappening.Hewasherejustafewhoursago.”
“Maggieifyou’resonisinanydanger,wewillfindhim.Wecanhavelookouts
atallthebordercheckpoints.IneedtoknowifEliwouldrecognizeJack,ashisfather?”
Shehadworriedaboutthatbuthowcouldshebesure?IthadbeenthreeyearssinceJacklaideyesoneitheroneofthem.Shehadchangedherhair,lostalittleweightandEliwasbiggernow.Hewasafriendlykid,butheknewbetterthantogooffwithstrangers.She’dtrained
himtouseapassword,andshehadtoldhimhisdaddydied.“Idon’tthinkso.”
Thedetectivemadeeyecontact.“NowIknowthisisgoingtobehard,buttrytomakethingslookasnormalaspossible,incaseheiswatchingyou.Fearenticesthesekindsofbehavior.It’sbesttonotlookrattled.”
Maggieshookherhead.Benwalkedaway.“I’mgoingtomakeus
somethingtoeat.”Normallyhispresenceputherateasebutrightnow,shefeltviolated,controlledandscared.Thehourslaggedonaseverypossiblescenarioplayedoutinhermind.Jackwasn’toneforcreaturecomforts.Hewasasurvivalist.Forallsheknew,hecouldkeepElipennedupinthewoodsinsomemakeshiftshackandbeliving
offtheland.DetectiveBranttookaphonecallandMaggielookedoutthewindow.Shelettheheatfromherteatrytobringhercomfort,buthersonwasmissing.Whatcomfortwasthere?“Isee.Thankyou.”Sheturnedhereyesbackhisway,becausehercuriositywasstillhopefulthatEliwasnotmissingbutjustmisplaced.
“GoodnewsMs.Burke.TheHolland’shadtakenthekidsforfoodwhentheweatherworsened.OneofyourneighborswasatthesamerestaurantandtheytookElihome.”“Aneighbor,whichneighbor?”Maggiestoodup,“Who?”sheshouted.Infuriatedshechargedtothedoor.“Wedon’thavethatnamebutMrs.GablesaidEli
wasplayingwiththeirkids,whentheparentsapproachedandaskedforyou.”Benbegandialingtheneighbors.“Checkyourphone.Someoneclosebyhashim,theyprobablyofferedtotakehimhomebecauseofthestorm.”Maggie’smindspun.“Maybe,butwhatifitwasJack,andheplayingthepart?Whatifhehashim?”“Ms.Burke,your
sonisgoingtobefine.Mrs.GableclearlysaidEliwasplayingwiththeirchildren.Heknewthem.Shesaidshetriedtocallyouandsaidthatshesentafewtexts.”Maggiedartedtowardthecouchandretrievedherphone.Therewere22newtexts,shescrolledthroughthelist,“Idon’tseeit,”shecriedasshelookedtoBenforhope.“There’snothinghere.”
Shetriedagainandfinallyspottedthewordmomontheeighthmessage.Itread,theHolland’sinvitedmetowatchamovie.CanIstay?“He’sattheHolland’s.”Shecheckedthemessageagain.Thetextwassentat4:54.Itwasnow5:50pm.Maggiegrabbedhercoatandheadedtothedoor.
EliwascurleduponthefloorwiththeHollandboyswatchingamovie.Maggiefelthernervessurginguplikewaveoftension.Sheforcedherselftoremaincalmandnottipofftheneighborsastoherdistress.Shehadmissedtheircall;thatwasit.“Thankyousomuchforbringinghimbackinthisweather.”“Withthestorm
comingin,youknowhowpeopledownthemountainare,theypanic.Guessthefamilywantedtogethomebeforetheheavystuffsettledin.”Shereadtheuneaseintheirfaces,perhapsitwasbecausethepolicehadgonedoortodoor.Anyconcernedparentwouldhavecalledthepolice.Mrs.HollandlookedatMaggie,hereyesfilledwithanxietyassherattledoff
herideaofanexplanation,“Elisortofattachedhimselftotheboys.Wethoughtthere’dbenoharm.Butyoudidn’tansweryourphone.Bytimewedrovebyyourhouse,nocarswerethere.”Maggiedidn’twanttotellthemthatsheparkedinthegaragelikeanormalperson.Shesimplyaskedforhiscoatandwalkedoutintothesnow.
Maggiehadbeensittingatthetableforanhour.EliwasrunningaroundwithBenasifnothinghadhappened,yetitdid.TheemotionsofalmostlosinghersonhadtriggeredMaggieintoanemotionalwhirlwind.SheneededClaire.Shecouldtalksomesenseintoher.
“Maggie.”ShelookedupasClaire
rushedinsideandrantoward
her,“OhmyGod.”Thetwoembracedas
Maggieletherguarddown.Herfearsseepedoutasshehuggedhertight.Clairetookherhands.“It’sgonnabealright.Wearenotgoingtoletthatjerktouchyou.”
MaggiecalledforVala.Thedoglookedupfromherbed,“Here.”
Shewalkedeverslowlytowardhermaster.Maggiepetherheadslowly,looking
intohereyes.“Whathappenedtodaygirl?Didyouknowhewashere?”
Shesmiledandtriedtoholdbackhertears.Shehadcomesofarinherrecovery.Whynow?WhywouldGodallowJacktogetthisclose?WhydidshemeetBenifJackwasgoingtoterrifyheralloveragain?SheandElineededstabilityandthatincludedBen,hebroughtthatintoherlife.Andshe
remindedherselfnottoforgetiteither.
Sheexcusedherselffromthetableandwithdrewtoherbedroom.Afteragoodcry,Maggiewrappedherselfupinthecomforter.Nighthadcomeandshehadnoideaifshewouldfallasleepornot.Worryingwouldonlymakeitworse,soshebreathedindeepandtriedtotrustinthosearoundher.Godknewwhathewasdoing.Nowit
wastimethatsheneededtodoherpart.
Itseemedlikeagoodtimetoreviewherjournal.Shereachedforthecompositionbookandreturnedtothelastentry.Thereinblueinkwasherdream,theonewhereValagetsshot,inthewoods.Sheunderstooditnow.Hersubconsciousplayeditoutalready.Jackwasout,hewascomingforher,andsomeone
wasgoingtodie.Herdreamswerenever
wrong.Maybeshecouldpack
upherthingsandrun?Thatwouldcertainlykeepthemsafe.Thenagain,ifsheran,shewasalsoleavingtheprotectionshebuiltaroundher.Shehadthepolice,theshelter,thedog.Jackwasclosingin,therewasachancetheywouldcatchhim.Andwhileshewasstillafraid,she
wasnotasfrailassheoncewas.Hewasnotinvincible.He’dmakeamistakeandtheywouldfindhim.Shehadtoremindherselfofthat.Dr.Gibbonstoldhernumeroustimes.Heisjustaman,buthowyouportrayhimdictatesyourresponses.Thoseresponsescontrolyourthoughtsandemotions.WhenyoudealwithJack,youmustchoosetocontrolwhereyourthoughtsandreactionsgo.
Takehimoffhispedestal,heisnotevilincarnate.Hehasabody,blood,needs,andfearsofhisown.Heishuman.
Therewasn’tmuchaboutJackthatseemedhuman.Shearguedthatone.Butthedoctorwasright.Itwasallabouthowsheperceivedhim.Andifshewasafraid,he’dfeedonit.Hewasafterhersubmission.SheneededtostaystrongandnotteachElitobeafraidofamaneither.
ShefoldedherhandsandthankedGodforsanity.ShehadtostopthinkingaboutJackthewayshedidforthepastdecade.Withhandstogethershesaidaquickprayertoputherintherightmindframe.
Theboysweresprawledoutonthefloorplayingchess.Asighttobeseen.Maggiewalkedovertothem,alittlemorewobblythan
expected.“ThinkI’mgonnatakeabath.”
“Gorightahead,”Ben’seyesweresoftandcaring.Elilaytummytownwithhishandsholdinguphischin.Whenitwashisturntomovehereachupandmovedhispawn.“That’sagoodone,isn’titBen.”
“Itisbuddy.Youmaywinthisone.”
Hesmiledlikeakidatacampfire.
ThedoorbellrangandMaggie’sheartleapt.Benlookedoutthewindow.“It’sallright.It’sjustthedetective.”
ElirantothedoorandsalutedMr.Brant,asifhewereaMarine.
ThemansmiledandpattedElionthehead.“Maywespeakinprivate?”Heasked.
Maggieclutchedhershoulders.“Anythingyou
havetosaycanbesaidinfrontofBen.”
“Iwasreferringtoanadultonlyconversation.”HesaidlookingtowardEli.
ShesettledEliintohisroomandturnedonamovie.He’ddoanythingsheaskedifhegottowatchamovie.ShesetupaTVtrayandputadrinkandsomepopcorninabowl.Thatshouldbeenoughtoputhimtosleep.Benhadpouredheracupofcoffee
andthethreesatatthekitchentable.“NowIdon’twanttoalarmyoubutyouneedtoknowthatasecuritycameraatyourson’sschoolshowssomesuspiciousactivityneartheplayground.Thelocalprecincthadacalltwodaysagothattherewasaperpetratorparkedneartheschool.”
“Whattimeofday?”Heflippedopenhispad
ofpaper.“Thecallcameinat
11:52am.”Maggiebegantoshake.
“That’swhenKindergartengoesoutside.”
Benputhishandonhers.“Isthereanythingelseyouarenottellingus?”
“No.ButIsuggestyoufolkssittightandletusdoourjob.Weshouldknowmorebythemorning.”
“Hemaybreakinbeforemorning.Shouldweleave?”
“Youareunder
surveillanceMaggie.Thisisthesafestplace.”
Sheshookherheadyes,buteverynerveinherbodytoldherJackwascoming.
CHAPTERTWENTY
Mostofthetimeshe
worriedaboutJackfindingherinthehousewhichiswhysheinvestedinVala,butthatwasnolongerthecase.Hecouldbewatchingher,learningherschedule.Hecouldbreakinwhenshewasnothome,hecouldgotothe
school,hemayevenknowwheresheworked.
Maggie’sthoughtswanderedbacktotheirlastmonthbeforeJack’sarrest.Itwasabittercoldday,notnormalforNewYork.Shehadwalkedtothebackoftheyardtoseeiftherewasanyfirewoodforthehouse.Theyhadn’tusedthefireplaceinoverayearbutshethoughtitwouldbenicetowarmupthehomewithacracklingfire.
Jackmusthavecomehomewhileshewasoutback.Sheturnedaroundandsawhimstaringatherfromthewalkwaybythebackdoor.Hedidn’tmakehispresenceknown.
Maggiedroppedthewoodandclutchedherchest.“Jack,youscaredme.”
Heneverapologized,heonlystared.Shescoopedupthewood,knowinghewouldnothelpher.Hiseyeswere
coldanddark,hisskinlookedextrapale.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Heasked.
Shesmiled,notingtheflattoneinhisvoice.“Eli’scominghomesoon.Iamwarmingupthehouse.”
ShemovedtowardthedoorbutJackblockedherentry.Heyankedthewoodfromherarms.Theblocksfelltotheground,twobangingupagainstherleg.
“Noyou’renot.”“Jack,comeon,letme
goinside,it’sfreezing.”Hisheadtiltedlikeadog
decipheringwhatheheard.“You’llburnhim.AndIwon’tletyou.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?You’retheonewhoholdshimbythefire,”shearguedasshereachedforthewood.
Hesmackedherarmdown,withonehand.
“Jackthathurt.”“You’renotgoing
anywherenearmyson.”Maggie’sfear
heightened.Whatwashappening?
Hisheadtiltedagainashestaredather.“You’reexpectingsomeonearen’tyou?”
Hisfingerswerenowaninchfromherface.“Admitit,you’vebeensneakingaroundonme.”
Herheadshook,“NoJack.Never.”
Hegrippedherchinandmovedherheadsidetoside.Tearswelledupinhereyes.“No.NotmyMaggie.”Hetouchedherhair.“You’dneverdothattome.Becauseifyoudid,”henowcaressedhercheek,“Eliwouldlosehismother.Andyouwouldn’twantthat.”
Suddenlythesuspicionwasgoneandhebackedup.
Maggiehowever,hadtightenedeverymuscleinherbody.Onlywhenheenteredthehome,wassheabletobreathe.Maggietookthekeysoutofherpocketandrantothecar.Shebrokedownsobbingassheleftthedriveway.Thatwasalmostfouryearsago.
Thefollowingmorningwaswhenshemadethecalltoanabusehotline.Shehadseenaflieratthelibrary
whenshetookElithereforatoddlersmeet-up.Thefaceonthebrochuremirroredthewayshefeltthoughshe’dneversayit.
Thethresholdfortensionhadrisenhigherandhighertothepointofdrowning.ShewasconstantlywatchingtheclockwaitingforJacktocomehome,onlytosecondguesshiseverymove.Shetriedtostayonestepaheadofhismood.Eachhourof
anxietymountedupuntilshewasabouttoexplode.
Manynights,sheretreatedtoEli’sroom,astonotwakethebeast.Jackwasflippinginandoutofconsciousstatesashesleptandsheknewbetterthantowakehim.TherewereconsequencesforsleepinginEli’sroom,butsheknewwhatthosewere.WakingJackupwasthelesseroftwoevils.
Shehadn’tthoughtaboutthatfatefilledphonecallsincethemorningshefirstcalledforhelp.Shedialedthewrongnumberthefirsttwotries.Herhandsshookuncontrollably.SheloggedthenumberinhercellasLibrary,soJackwouldn’tsuspect.Shestoodonthefrontstoopasthephonerang,untilshegotupthenervetospeak.
Thephonewobbledas
sheshookinfear.WhenthewomanansweredMaggie’stonguefeltliketar.“ThisisSafeHaven,areyouinasafeplacetotalk?”“Yes,Iam,”Maggiemumbled,realitysuddenlyhithome.“HowcanIhelpyou?”“HiUm,I’mcallingto
askaquestion.Idon’tknowforsure,butIthinkImaybeinaDomesticViolencesituation.”
Thewomanwasverycalm,“Whatmakesyouthinkthatyouare?”
Maggiepaused.“Well,Iamveryafraidofmyhusband.”
Thewomanspokeclearandcalmly.“Hashethreatenedyoudirectly?”
“Um,yesbutnottoday,”Maggiewasquicklylosinghernerve.
“Areyouafraidthathemighthurtyouoryour
children?”“Well,I’mnotsure.Somethingisdefinitelywrongwithhim.Idon’tthinkhewouldhurtus.Heisveryangrythough.”
“Ma’amwouldyouliketocomeintotheshelter?”
Maggieshookherheadasifthewomancouldseeher.“No.No,that’snotnecessary.”
“Doyouhaveaplaceyoucango,togetawayfrom
him?”Againsheshookher
head,“YesIdo.”Hermotherlivedonly
twohoursawaybutMaggiecouldmakethedrive.Shequestionedherownsanity.DoIreallyneedtodothat?Jackisangrybuthewouldn’thurtEli.
“Ma’amyoucalledus.”
Maggiepanickedandhungup.Shelookedatthe
phoneasifitwereherenemy.Whathadshejustdone?Abarrageofemotionchokedhereverymove.Herfeetfeltlikeleadandhervoiceseemedvacant.Whywassheafraidtogohome?Whatwaswrong?
Shesavedthenumberbutshedeleteditfromhercalllog;thenshewipedhereyesandwalkedhome,terrifiedthatshemightactuallyleaveJack.
Muchofthenightwentbylikeablur.Benpouredheradrinktohelphersettledown.HealsoputElitobedandletMaggierunherbath.Theheatdrewthebloodfromherhead,makingherthoughtsslowdown.Shedidn’twanttosleepalonethatnight,andpreferredthatElibemovedtoherroom.Butfornow,sheneededanotherglassofwine.
Thealtitudeaffectedherdrinking.Itnormallytookabottleofwinetotaketheedgeoff,nowMaggiecouldaccomplishthatwithtwoglasses.Shesatupinthetubandlookedaround.Shemusthavenoddedoffforabitinthetub,butthatwasusual.Whenthewatercooledorasoundalertedher,shewouldwakeup,slightlystartledandthendrainthetub.
Thewinemadeherdo
strangethings—butthatcouldbeagoodthing.Sheneededabreakinherroutine;thesameroutinesheputinplacetomaintainorderandcontrol.
Thelightsweredimassheenteredthekitchen.ThefirelightilluminatedthelivingroomwhereBenreclinedonthecouch.Sheopenedthefridge,notsureifshewantedtogotosleeporenjoyhiscompany.
“Whendidhefallasleep?”
“Overhalfanhourago,”Benwhispered.Maggiecurledupbesidehim.“Imusthavefallenasleep.”
Benputhisarmaroundherandsheeasedherheaduponhisshoulder.
Theroarfromthefirebillowedofftheglass.Togethertheywatchedthe
flamesdanceagainstthe
window.Whatwouldtomorrowbring?Maggiedidn’twanttothinkaboutit.Shewasemotionallyexhaustedandneededtorecharge.
ShebreathedinawhiffofBen’scologne.Thepineyscentarousedhersenses,pushingawayherfears.Hishandswerewarmastheypressedagainhershoulder.Shecouldhearhisstrongheartpulseonebeatatatime.
Sheagain,breatheddeep,waitingforthestresstomeltaway.
Ben’shandsmoveduphershoulderstoherhair.Hecaressedthetopsofherhead.Shenestledcloseruntileverycareforherfuturedriftedaway.
Switchingvehiclesseemedlikeagoodidea.BenhadparkedinhergarageandMaggieloadedupEliinhistruck,hopingtoventureout
asshewasurged.ThestormhadpassedandDetectiveBrantcalledthatmorningtotellherthatthemanonsecuritycameraoutsideEli’sschoolwasnotJack.Itwastheolderbrotherofoneofthestudents,whojustreturnedfromIraq,hewantedtosurprisehislittlesisters,whowereinfourthgrade.
Thatpieceofnewsbroughtdownheranxiety,thatandthewinethatwas
workingitswayoutofhersystem.
BenremindedhertohaveanormaldayandbringEliwithherwherevershewent.Thehousewasundersurveillanceandshehadtopretendeverythingwasbacktonormal.Whenheleftforworkthatmorning,hekissedMaggieontheforehead.Hespentthenightinherroom,withElisprawledoutbetweenthem.
Shewokeupinthemiddleofthenightandslippedoutofbed.Eveninaninducedstate,hernightpanicattackswerestillinfullswing.Sherarelysleptthroughthem.MaggiecurledupbesideValaandrubbedherheaduntilthefireembersburnedout.That’swhenthehousegrewsilent.Everyfewminutesshe’dlookoutthebackwindow,wonderingifJackwereoutthere.Ifhe
was,itwasjustamatteroftimebeforehe’dgetinside.Andthenwhat?WouldValarespondthewayshewastrained?MaybeMaggieputtoomuchfaithinherandshouldhavetakenself-defense?
ShebuckledEliinhisboosterseatandturneduptheheat.
“Wherearewegoingmomma?”
“Wearegoingtosee
Mommy’sboss.”“Cwaus?”Heaskedina
sillyaccent.Shesmirked.“Yes,
honey.Doyouwanttoseethedogs?”
MaggierealizedthatifJackweretailingher,thiswasthelastplacehe’dwanttogo.Thenmaybehe’dleaveheralone.
Adjustingherrearviewmirror,shebackedup.
Itfeltgoodtogetouton
theroadandhaveherboybesideher.
“Whatchyagottherebuddy?”
Eliplayedwithatoyinthebackseat.“Itcameinmylunchboxyesterday.Isn’thecool?”
Thetoyresembledthelatestmonstermoviecraze.Sheneverunderstoodwhatthepointofcrossmarketingwas.EveryonehadaTVthesedays.Perhapsgiving
kidsaneducationaltoyorsomethingtheycoulduse,wouldbemorebeneficial.Eitherway,Eliwasfascinatedwithitanditkepthimquiet.
Onthewaythere,Maggiepulledthroughtown.Thewindshieldwasfoggingup,somethingBenwouldneedtofix.Atthelightsheusedaragandwipeddowntheinterior.Shewipedoffthecondensationasthecross
walkturnedgreen.Theshadowofapedestriancaughtherattentionashewalkedby.Elizoomedhistoythroughtheairasthetickofherblinkermadetimestandstill.
Shewatchedasthemanlumberedacrossthestreet,headdownastonotbenoticed.Hewasadarkfigurewearingahoodedjacketandblackcargopants.Itwasthesamemanshesawoutsidethe
coffeeshoptwoweeksago.“Green”Eliyelledasthe
lightturned.Maggiestalledatthe
light,obliviousastowhereshewasgoing.
“Gomomma,”Eliurged.Maggietorethroughthe
lightheadingtowardthecompound.Wasthathim?Shecouldn’tfollowthemanashewalkedawayfromtown,whichwascrazy.Noonewalkeddownthe
mountain,therewasnothingforeightmiles.
Shedidherbreathingexercisesandcalmeddown.ThiswasnotthefirsttimeshethoughtshespottedJack.JustbeforeChristmaslastyearawaveoffearandpanicandsweptoverherassheroundedtheaisleattheFranklinCountryStore.Shelookedaroundbutsawnoone.Stillsherecognizedthefeeling;itwasherlonglostfriend,who
onceguardedher.Shebrushedherhairbackandpushedthecartalong.
Therowofornamentshadboxesofbulbs,redbows,candycanes,andgarlandeverythingacountrystorewouldhave,asitmasqueradedasaholidaysupercenter.
“Noneofthisisappealing,”shemumbledasshetossedaboxbackontotheshelf.
Thenapalemanwithroughskinwalkeduptothecounter.Hecuppedhishandsoverhismouth,andblew.“Istherearestroominhere?”
Maggiewhippedaround.Sheknewthatvoice.Shebentdown,hereyesgluedtothemanashesailedtowardthebackofthestore.Sheheadedforthedoorwithoutimpulse.Withherkeysinhandsheboltedtohercarandlockedthedoor.Peelingoutshe
headedintotraffic,shedoubtedJacksawher.
Maggieturnedintothepolicestationandlefthercarrunning.SheusedherlimiteddataplantopulluptheprisonwhereJackwasservingtime.Shewassonervousshecouldn’ttypeinhisinmatenumber.Eversincethen,shelettheattorneyhandleit.
Shewasnotgoingtoembarrassherselfbybargingintothepolicestation.She
neededtoletthemdotheirjob.Besides,shehadnoproofitwasJack.Evenifitwas,sheneededtorememberwhosheasdealingwith.He’dbeonestepaheadofthematalltimes.
Elihoppedoutofthecar
andrantothekennels.“Waitforme,”Maggieyelledaspanicfilledher.WhilethiswasthelastplaceshesuspectedJacktoshowup,
Maggiewasonhighalert.Theplacewasdesolate.
Somedogswerebarking,othersstandingstill,watchingMaggieapproach.Allofthedogsweretrainedtoprotectchildren,soshedidn’tworry.Itwasimportantforhertoapproachthekennelsslowly,incasetherewasanewboarder.
Maggiewalkedintothehouse,andsurveyedthemess.Ifshedidn’tgetbackto
worksoon,thewholelivingroomwouldbepiledtotheceilingwithpapersandjunk.
WhenMaggiewalkedoutbacktothepens,shenoticedKlaus’vanwasmissing.Shescribbledanoteandstuckitontherefrigerator,askinghimtocomeassessVala.Sheleftheraddress.
Insidethatsmallfridgewas55poundsofelkmeat,it’swhatheusedtofeedthe
dogs;nothingbutthebest.Thatremindedher,sheshouldcookforValawhenshegothome.Therewasnoexcusetonotspoilhersecretweapon.Shewantedthedoginthebestpossibleshape,justincasedangercametothedoor.
CHAPTERTWENTY-
ONEMaggiewasdoing
laundrywhenKlausarrived.Valawenttothedoorbeforesheevenheardhimshutthecardoor.
Sheputdownthepileofunsortedclothesandinvitedhimin.
Valaseemedto
rememberhertrainerandshowhimsomeaffection.Sherestedhersnoutonhislegastheysatdowntotalkaboutherordeal.KlausgavehertheonceoverandassuredMaggie.“Don’tworryaboutthedog.Youaresafe.Thatwasmyguarantee.”
Shewasproudofherworkatthekennelandshesoldthetrainingtobuyersworldwide,sowhywasshedoubtingitnow?“Buthow
willsheknowwhoisanintruderandwhoisnot?”
Hesatback.“Dogsaremoreintelligentthanpeople.Theyusesenseswehavenotdeveloped.Forone,theycansensethingsthathumansoverlook.Theycandetectheartrate,motives,intentions,fear,danger,andadrenaline.Theythemselvesarelikerobots,computingallthedataweoverlook.That’sthepowerofthetraining.”
“Butwhatifhepoisonsher?”Maggieaskedtryingtohideherpanic.
“Can’thappen.”“Becauseshewas
trained?”“Yes,butit’sbecauseI
bredthecuriosityoutofher.Sherespondstoperformance,notreward.Shedoesn’tseeyouashermaster,butasherpup.Youneedherprotection.”
Maggiewasbeginningto
understand.ItwaslikeherandEli.Amotherwillprotectatallcosts.
“Ifanintruderbreaksin,shewillrespond.Shewillknowtheyarecomingbeforeyoueverhearasound.Shecansmellit,hearitandwillprepare.”
“Whatifsomethinghappenstomyson?”
“IfValaispresent,whenyoursonisindanger,shewilleliminatethedanger.”
“Whatifshegetsshot?”“Thedogwillthinkon
itsown.Unlessabulletrendersherincapable,shewillproceedwitheliminatingthethreats,regardlessofherpain.”
“Jackisnotacommoncriminal.IthinkIcouldhandlethat.I’mafraidhewillknowshe’shereandfindawayaroundher.”
“There’snowayaroundthesedogs,unlesstheyare
notpresentwhenyourpathscross.”
Benreturnedtothehousewithfood.Maggiewasgrowingfondofthemanwhomadeherfeelsafeandcouldcook.Whatareprievefrombeingasinglemomalltheseyears.WithafullbellyandreassurancefromKlaus,Maggiewenttobed,early.ShehadleftamessageforDr.
Gibbons,andknewshecoulduseagroupsessionattheshelter.Butgoingtherescaredher.WhatifJackfollowedher?Whatifsheputeveryoneindanger?
ThatnightMaggiedreamtaboutJackfindingher.Shewasinthewoodsagain,thegunmanfiredhisshots.Maggiepickedherselfupoffthegroundandstartedrunning.Thistimeshesawawhitelumpamongthefallen
pineneedsandwetground.ItwasVala.
Sheslumpedoverthedyingdog.She’dbeenshotintheshoulderandapoolofbloodcollectedaroundthewound.Thedogbreathedslowlyandhereyesnarrowed.
“Missmemydarling?”Jacksaidmockingly.
Herheadspunaround.Maggierecognizedthevoice.“Whatdoyouwant,Jack?”
“Idon’twantanythingMaggie,exceptwhatyoutookfromme.”
Shewasn’tafraid.Sheknewthewords.Sheknewhowtocontrolhervoiceandherbodymovements.Shedidn’tshowanyoutwardsignsoffear.
“Iwon’tletyouhavehim.Youcan’ttakeourson.”
Jackroaredinlaughter.“Idon’tcareaboutthatbastard.Idoubttherascalis
evenmine.”Maggiestayedstrong.
“HeisyoursJack.Youhaveason.Rememberthat.”
Jackspitonherandwalkedaroundthedog.“Youarefoolishtothinkthisanimalcanprotectyou.NoonecanprotectyouMaggie.I’llbecomingbackforya.”
ThewindwashowlingasMaggiestretched.Hereyespoppedopenastherelentlesstickofabranchtappedthe
railingofEli’sporch.ShebeenterrifiedthatEliwouldgetoutofthehousewithoutherknowing,butsofarhe’dbeensafe.
ValarolledtohersideasMaggiesnuckoutofbed.Sleephadalwaysbeenaprivilege.Jackwokeupoften,sometimesinatrance.HerarelyknewwhoMaggiewaswhenshecametobed.Andwiththistemperandmartialartstraining,Maggiewason
edgeeverytimesheopenedthebedroomdoor.
Shesworeitwastendegreescoolerinthatroom,probablymore.WhateverthehellwaswrongwithJackshecouldfeelitintheair.Perhapsthat’swhatledhertosleeponthecouchwhenshecamehomeonenight.JackhadlethertakeEliouttoachurchperformance,whenshecamehomehewasout,doingGodknowswhat.By
thetimesheputElitobed,thefloorrumbledbelow.Herthroattightenedandshelistenedtothegaragedooropen.Perhapsifsheclosedhereyesandpretendedtobeasleep,thenightwouldendwell.
Maggiefellasleepbesideherpreciouschild.ShereplayedthemessagesheheardonChristianradioonherwayhome.Thepreacherwastalkingaboutthepeace
ofGodandotherpromisesheaffordedthosewhobelievedinHim.Sheheldontothosepromises,theyhadtoapplytoher.Sowhyweren’ttheyworking?WhywasJacksocrazy?
SheplayedChristianmusicinthehousewhenhewasnothome,hopingtosetacalm,peacefulatmospherewhenhearrived.Butthemusiconlyseemedtoagitatehim.Maggierefusedtogive
up.Maggieheardthedoor
knobclickasJacklookedinonhisson.Shelaidstill,hopinghewouldleaveheralone.Hisfootstepspressedlightlyintothecarpetasheenteredtheroom.Maggieheldhereyesshut.Hersideofthebedseemedtomove,andshepretendedtostir.
ThenshefeltJack’shandgrabherwrist.Sheopenedbotheyesandsawhis
silhouetteaboveher.Heremovedherfromthebedandfollowedherintothehall.ItwastherethatMaggiesawhisshirtlessbody.Jackmotionedhertotheirbedroom.Sheaskedpolitely,“I’mnotgoingtobedamI?”
Hisresponsewassimply,“No!”Afterthathekeptforcinghimselfonheratrandom
times.Maggiefeltstrangeanddirty.SowhenEasterrolledaround,shemadeplanstoattendchurch.Goingtherealonewasnotsomethingshewasreadyforbutsheneededtogo.
ShehadcalmlytoldJackthenightbeforethatshewastakingElitoanEasteregghuntatalocalchurch.Sheboughtsomedressclothesataconsignmentstore,soJackwouldn’tfussoverthecost.
Butwhenshewenttolookforthekeys,Jacklookedupwithraisedhiseyebrows.Hesaidnothing.
“We’llbebackinaboutanhourandahalf,”shesaid,headingtothedoor.
Jacksippedhiscoffee,andwatchedher.“Ididn’tsayyoucouldgoanywhere.”
Maggieshrieked.“Imentioneditlastnight.”
Heboltedupoutofhischairandhurledittothe
floor.“Idon’trecallyouaskingmeanything.AndIdon’twantsomewannabepreacherbrainwashingmyson.”
Sheheldontohersweetboyandstoodherground.“IthinkitwouldbegoodforElitohaveaspiritualbase.”
Jacksmirked—whichalwaysfrightenedher.ItwashiswarpedideasofhowtoconnectwithGodthattrulyscaredher.Butthatwas
somethingshekeptquiet.Evennow.
Shedidgotochurchthatday.IronicallythepastordidnotpreachtheEastermessageshehadhopedtohear.InsteadhequotedscriptureafterscripturethatsaidGodwaswatchingoverher.Whatarelief.SheassumedthatbyhearingthemessageGodwouldstepinandstoptheviolence.SheimaginedafuturewhenJackcameto
churchandtogethertheyraisedtheirlittleboy.SheknewGodcouldgivethemanewstart,andanewlife.
Sheprojectedpeaceandserenity,laugherandjoy.Shefantasizedabouthappytimes.
Herdisillusionfollowedherhome.Sheevenwentforwardforprayerandtoldthemaboutthesituation.Thepastorwhoprayedwithher,seemedsurethatprayerwouldfixherhusbandand
sheneededtobepatient,nonjudgmentalandofcourse,keepcomingbacktochurch.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
Theteakettlewhistledas
Maggiefocusedherthoughts.Herflashbackshadbeen
escalating.Shehadtogettothatsupportgroup;beforethingsgotoutofhand.MonitoringherownthoughtswassomethingMaggiehadnotmastered.Thegroupwouldhelp.
Theladiesmetinprivateatalocalhome,whichhoused31womenandchildren.Tohersurprisetheshelterwasrarelyfull.Thetimeittakesforavictimtosuccumbtorealityanddo
somethingaboutit,cantakemonths,ifnotyears.Actuallyleavingtheabuseandseekinghousing,well,fortheoneswhomakeit,thatdecisiontakesyears.Maggiewasnoexception.
Thefirsttimeshegotupthenervetoattendthemeeting,shedroveupanddownthestreetthreetimes,beforefinallypullingintothelot.Heradvocatehadcalled,leavingamessage.Itsaid,
“Areyoureadytotakecontroloveryourlife?”
Maggiewantedtobecoaxedintogoing.It’swhyshelistenedtothemessage.Butshestillhadtodecide.Whatcouldithurt,ifshedidn’tlikeit,shedidnothavetoreturn.Andnotgoinginwasonlyprolongingtheobvious.
Hereshewasayearslater,needingmorehelp.Therewasnoshameinthat.
Shewouldbecarefulwithwhatshesharedastonotalertanybody.AndrightnowinMaggie’sworldtheseweretheonlypeopleintheworldwhocouldunderstand.
Themeetingopenedwithintroductionsandacitationoftheserenityprayer.Everyonestoodinacircleholdinghands.Maggierecalledthefamiliarjittersthatwereapparentonherfirstvisit.Shedidn’tknowwhattoexpect.
Todaywasthesame.Shewasbackincrisismode.Theladiesweretheretolistenandlendsupport.Theywerenotallowedtoofferadvicebutratherfollowtherulesoftheprogramandshelter.Thenumberofwomenwhowentthroughtheprogramandlaterreconciledwiththeirabuserwashigh.Maggierefusedtobeinthecrowd.Jackdidn’tactuallywantherback,whathewantedwastogeteven.
Maggielistenedtotheguidelinesandintroductions.Otherthangivinghernameandnumberofchildren,sheplannedonstayingquiet.Shegainedalotbylisteningtoothermomsandfoundithardenoughtositstillandnotletherthoughtsroam.Shemadeitthisfar,nowshejustneededtokeepgoing.
Thegrouptookaquickbreak,andshecalledBen.“How’severything,how’s
Eli?”“He’sgreat.Hewantsto
gotothefirehouse,theyarehavingademonstrationtoday.”
“Soundsgood.”Shestaredupatthemountain.“Youguysaresofaraway.”
“Wecanwaittillyougetback,ifyouwant.”
“No,takehimnow.It’smoreofaguything.”
Benchuckled.“Textuswhenyouaredone.Stay
sharp.”“Iwill.”Hisvoicemadeherwell
upintears.Shewasn’tsurethingswouldworkoutwithBenbutstill,shewassothankfulforthetimehespentwithherson.Itmadeamotherproudtoknowthatsomeoneelsethoughthewasspecialandlovedhim.
WhenthemeetingresumedMaggie’smindstrayed.Theemotionand
denialofthenewcomerspickedatherconscience.Someoftheladieswerestilllivingwiththeirabusers,othershadleftandfoundthesamerelationshipwaitingforthem,justanewnameandnewlocation.Maggiehatedthataboutthegroup.Shewantedfinality.Shehadhiredalawyerandemptiedhersavingstryingtostaysafe.Shetookitseriously.Buttheminutehermindbeganto
wander,shecouldn’tpullitbackin.
Oneofthenewcomersspokeaboutherboyfriend,alocalcop.Maggietriednottosmile;sheknewwherethiswasheading.Justasshesuspected,thejerkcleanedhisgunsinfrontofher,tookhertotheshootingrange,drankandusedhisgunduringsex,sleptwithhisweaponloadedonthenightstand.Itwascasebook.
AtthetimewhenJackfirstplacedaweapononher,hehadusedanexcusethatmadesensetoher.Maggiehadbeenreadingabookonmarriagethatsuggestedawomangetinvolvedinherhusband’sfavoriteactivity.
That’swhenthingschangedquickly.
JackreceivedadeliveryfromUPSat10:35a.m.Hecalledoutofworkthatdayandwasoutsidetrimmingthe
busheswithamachetewhenthedriverpulledup.MaggiesawhimbringinaboxbigenoughforaflatscreenTV.
Shewonderedwhatitwas.
Jacktoreopenthecardboardcontainerandrevealedhisnewestfascination.Maggiestaredathimasheheldtheleatherbreastplateuptohischest.“Whatisthat?”sheaskedincredulously.
“Armor.”“Armor?”“It’sforswordfighting.”Hermindblanked.“Who
buysarmorforswordfighting?Whoevenmakesit?Whomakestheswords?”
Butitwasallthere,inabox.Shecalledthebankimmediatelyandfoundouthowmuchthearmorcost.Shehungupinutterdisbelief.Howcouldhedothis?Theydidn’thavethatkindof
moneytospend.Hemusthavetakenitoutofthebaby’ssavingsaccount.
Ratherthanconfronthim,whilehelearnedtomaneuverthisnewweapon,Maggiewatchedasheworkedout.Jackwasnotanovice.Shefoundoutthathehadtrainedinthismedievalartasateenager.Thepracticewasback.Whileitscaredher,shetooktheadviceofthemarriageprofessionalandshe
askedJackabouthisnewhobby.Herhopewastorekindletheirrelationship.Shewassurethatiftheyfellbackinlove,hisangerwouldsubsideandthingswouldbegood.However,Jackhadadifferentidea.
Oneafternoonwhenshecamehomefromchurch,hesatatthekitchentableoilingthebladeonhissteelsword.Itwasanewone,madeofIsraelisteel.JacktoldMaggie
toputthebabytobedandmeethimontheporch.
Shehadnotputthetwotogetheruntilitwastoolate.Whensheleftthenursery,Jackwassuitedup,andreadytobattle.Heexplainedthathewasinneedofatrainingpartner—andhewishedhertofillinforhim.
Whensheaskedwhy,hesaiditwasbecauseshewastherightheight.
Maggiekepther
reservationsquiet.Shestoodoffcenterfromwhathecalledthedownstrike,amotionthatwouldseveretheshoulder.Hepracticedhisangleandtooksometrialswings.Withoutregardtoherbodylanguage,JackmadehisstanceandthenunleashedaseriesofmovesthatrivaledaHollywoodstuntman.
Hecalledouteachstrikeasshestoodthereashistestdummy.Onewrongmove,
oneflinchandhecouldcuther.Hernervestingledassheclosedhereyes.Shelistenedtohisvoice,voidofemotionorcare.Atearrolledoffhercheek.Asshewipedit,shetunedbackintothenewcomerwhowaslivingwiththerenegadecop.Shewantedtotellhertorun,andnotlookback.
Thewalkdownmemorylanefurtherconvincedherthatsheneededthesewomen.
Whoelsecouldhelpherseethedangershewasin,andhownormalitbecameforher.Shecouldhavebeenbeheaded,andthiswasnotISIS.
AnolderladywasspeakingwhenMaggierefocusedonthegroup.“I’masurvivorofdomesticabuseandIhavetwogirls.WhenIwas28yearsold,Iarrivedhomefromworktofindutterchaos,againinsidemy
suburbanhome.Myoutofworkhusbandwoulddrinkalldayandourchildrenwerehomewhilethishappened.Theoldestrodethebustoschoolbutfrequentlywalkedhomewithafriend,ifherfatherforgottopickherupfromthebusstop.”
Shewenton,“Thehousewasagiantmess,withgarbagealloverthefloorandpileofclotheshighenoughtotipover.Iranovertoseethe
kidsbuttheyweren’tinthelivingroom.That’swhenIheardthefaintcriesofbothmydarlings,comingfromthebathroom.Theretheysat,nakedinthebathtub,thewaterwasfreezingcold.”
“Whathappened?Iaskedthem.”
“Daddyforgotaboutus.”Igrabbedtheirrobesandturnedontheheatlamp.ThenIclusteredthemtogetherandwipedtheirtears.“Areyou
alright?”Thelittleonenoddedbut
myeldestkeptcrying.“Heshotasquirrelmomma.Hehearditrunningontheroofandtookouthisrifle.Hekilleditmommy.Isaw.”
Igrabbedmychildrenandwalkedpasttheirbedrooms,that’swhenInoticedthesheetrockandmessonthefloor.Myhusbandshotstraightupthroughtheroofwithashot
gun.Tenminuteslatertheir
suitcaseswerepacked.Icalledacabsohewouldn’tfollowus.Icalledmybrotherandaskedhimtogetmycar.Ididnotgivehimthedetails.
AneighborcalledthepoliceandbeforeIevergottothecab,ourhomewassurroundedbycops.Itwasthebestdayandtheworstdayofmylife.
Beforeheadinghome,Maggieneededtoregaincomposure.Hermemoriesleftheronedgeandthepurposeofthemeetingwastofeelstronger,morehopeful,notfrightened.Sheneededaminutetobreathe.
Maggielockedthestallattheshelterbathroomandsatdownonthetoilet.Heremotionswererisingup.Shefeltsick.Littlegirlsdon’t
growupwantingtobevictims.Butshewasallgrownupnow,andthat’swhatshewas.Partsurvivor;partvictim.Shewantedtobeasolesurvivorandmore.Buthow?
Sheknewtheanswer.Bysettingboundaries,bytrustingagain,bymovingforwardwithoutthefear,that’showyouregainedcontrolofyourlife.Butthatinitself,seemed
overwhelming.ShecalledClaire.She’dknowwhattodo.
Thefriendsmetatthe
GreenCafécoffeeshop.Shekeptrehearsingsomethingthedetectivetoldher,somethingthatwassupposedtoputhermindatrest.ButMaggieturnedthestatementupsidedownandherfearwasgrowing.Sheknewhowtothink,butwhatshewanted
wasforsomeonetoclimbintoherpitoffearandidentifywithwhatshefelt.Then,andonlythencouldsheclimbout.
“Avictimneedstobeheard!”Thatwouldbehersocialstatus,shouldsheevergetonline.
Thedetectivesaid,‘MenlikeJackmayhideintheshadowsbuttheyleavefootprints.’Inwardly,MaggieprayedJackleftabig
assfootprintsotheycouldfindhim.
OnceClairearrived,theconversationflowedthewayMaggiehadhoped.“Youbravegirl,hidingallthisforsolong.Wereyououtofyourmind?”
Maggienoddedasthetearsbegantofall.Shewipedthem,knowingmorewouldfollow.“Ididn’twanttoscareyouawaybytellingyouthetruth.Youweretheonly
friendIhadandIcouldn’trisklosingyou.”
ShegrippedMaggie’shands.“Idon’tcarethatSOBisstillalive,I’mallears.”
Withherchinonherhand,Maggiebegantosob.Herhaircascadedaroundherasshespoke.“IwanttotellyouaboutitlastnightoncethingscalmeddownbutIwasn’tready.”
“Iunderstand.Benrepliedandtoldmeyouwere
resting.Iamgladhewastherewithyou,butIwouldhavelikedtobetheretoo,especiallyforEli.”
Maggiecouldn’tcontainhersmile.“HeadoresBen.”
“Wealldo,”Clairewooed.
“Howmuchdangerareyouin?WhatisJackgoingtodo?”
Maggiecrumbledinfear.“He’samonster.Iprayedandprayedthathewouldnever
getout.Buttheyreleasedhim.Thoseparoleboardpeoplehavenoideahowsickheis.”
“Maggie,wasJackwasatyourhouse?”“Yes.Iknowitwashim.He’sbeensendingsignsforaweek.He’stryingtoseeifIbreak.”
“WhywouldhedothatMaggie?Whatdoeshehaveagainstyou?”Maggie’sheadlowered.
“Iexposedhim.Ilettheauthoritiesintoourlittletwistedworldandheseeshimselfforwhohereallyis.Heblamesme.Andhewantsrevenge.”
“JesusMaggie.Youneedtogetoutofhere.TakeEliandrunaway.”
Hereyeslifted.“IfIrunhemayfindmeagain.IfIstayhere,atleastthepolicearewillingtohelpme.”
“YouknowaswellasI
do,thesemenaretoosmartforsomecop.”
Sheleanedoverthetableandawaveoftrepidationsetin.“He’shadthreeyearstoplanhowhe’dfindmeandwhathe’ddotomewhenfoundus.HowamIsupposedtofunctionwiththattypeofhatesetagainstme?”
“Wellhescreweduponcebefore,hewilldoitagain.”
Maggieshookherhead.
“Hedidn’tscrewup,Icalledthecops.Iblewthewhistle.IthappenedinNewYork.MyneighborwasoutwalkingherdogwhenIcamehomewiththebaby.Shehadtwocopsatherhouseandcameouttowarntheneighborsthattherehadbeenabreakin.Twothingswerestolen,cashandjewelry.
Iwasn’ttooafraidbutpartofmewonderedifJackwasthethief.Instead,he
camedownfromtheatticcarryinganarsenalofknives,swordsandstaves.”
Sheswallowedhard.“WhenIaskedhimwhathewasdoing,hesaidthattheburglarynextdoorwasplanned,andthatsomeonehadbeenwatchingherhouse.”
Claireleanedcloser.“Whatdidhesay?”
“Iwassostupid.Jackbeganplacingtheweaponsall
overthehouse.Bythewindows,thedoorsandontopofshelves,theTV.Hewasutterlyparanoid.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”WhenIaskedhimwhathewasdoing,helookedmestraightintheeyeandsaid,“IhopethelittlefuckerscomeherebecauseI’llslicethemintopieces.”
Claireslumpedbackinherchair.“Maggie,thisguycouldhavekilledyou.”
“Hetriedonce.”Claire’sfacedrainedof
color.Shehadnottoldanybodyaboutthis,itwastooterrifying.Butnowwasthetimetotalk.Nowwasthetimetospeakhertruth.
“TheroomwasdarkandJackwasasleep,”shebegan,lookingatClaireforthenodtokeepgoing.“Icreptintobed,thewayIalwaysdid,slowandmethodichopingnottowakehim.Imanaged
togetinbedandpullthecoversovermewithoutJackstirring.Butsometimelater,onceIwassoundasleep,Iwokeup.Somethingpokedme.IlaidcompletelystilltryingtoassesswhereIwasandwhatwashappening.ThenIfeltitagain.Somethingsharppressedintomyribs,itwasn’tajaborevenapurposefultouchmorelikeacuriouspoke.
IcalledouttoJack.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Therewasnoreply,soI
said,“Jack,it’sme.Maggie.Whatareyoudoingtome?”
AswitchflippedonandJackstoodupbesidethebed.HestaredatmeasifIwasaforeignobject.Thenhecrawledoverthebedstaringatmewiththisdazedlook.
Iloweredmyvoice.“Jack,whatareyoudoing?”
Hegrewdefensive.“Therewassomethingin
here.Itwassittingonyou.”IwasterrifiedasIkept
askinghimtotellmewhathesaw.Isearchedtheroomlookingforhisswords.
Finallyhesaidtome,“Itriedtokillit,butthenyoumademeputthelighton.Andnowit’sgone.”
Hewentontodescribeademon.Hesaiditwasgreenwithsharpteethprotrudingfromitslipandhewassittingonme.”Ididn’tknowwhatto
do.IwasafraidtowakehimifhewassleepingandIwasn’tsureifhewashallucinating.Ijustknewthathecouldeasilyturnonmeatanytime.”AsMaggiesharedhertaleadetailedflashbackoverwhelmedher.Hemovedtowardherpullingtheknifeoutfrombehindhisback.“Whatdidyoudotodaywhile
Iwasnothere?”Maggie’smindwarped.
Thepathwaysthatdecidetofightorflighthadvanished.ShethoughtaboutcallingforEli,maybehisfatherwouldstopifhesawthelittleboy.
Maggiewouldn’tjeopardizehersonlikethat.Insteadshestayedstill.“Jack.Wakeup.I’myourwife.I’mnodemon.”
Itwasnouse.Thishadhappenedoncebefore,years
agobeforetheygotmarried.ThatwasthenightsheknewshewouldnevergetawayfromJack.Never.
“Thenextmorning,JackwasgonebeforeIawoke.Iwentforawalkandcalledtheabusehotline.WhenthewomanaskedmeifIwasinasafeplacetotalk,Iemotionallycollapsed.”
“Whathappenednext?”Claireprompted.“TherestofthedayIwasina
fog.IcalledthepoliceandmadeplanstoremoveElifromthehome.ButIdidn’tknowhow?Thepoliceputmeintouchwithaphonecounselorandwemadeaplantomeet.Ineededtoknowhowtoactandwhattodo.Myadrenalinewaspumpingsohard.It’slikeIwantedtofleebutIcouldn’t.Ihadtoendmylife.Howdoyoupackupyourlifein30minutesandnotlookback?
Theanswerisfear.DidIwanttogetoutordidIwanttorunintoJackagain?”
“JesusMaggie,hereallyiscrazy.”
Shetrembled.“Thenhowdidhegetoutearly?Howdidhefoolthem?”
Claireremindedher,“Youwerefooledoncetoo.Don’tforgetthat.”
Maggie’sthroattightened.Clairewasabsolutelyright.Ifshecared
tobehonest,thishadstartedwhentheyweredating.
OnenightshestoppedbyJack’safterstudyingforfinalexams.WhenshegottherethehousewasdarkbutJack’scarwasinthedriveway.He’dbeenextremelystressed;thingswithhisfatherweren’tgoingwell.Theyspokeonandoffsincehisparent’sdivorceandfromwhatshecouldsee,hewasbetteroffwithouthim.
Maggiemadeherawayaroundtothebackofthehouse.Itwasn’tuncommonforJacktogoforwalksatnight,especiallynearthewoods.Sheneverwent,itsoundedcreepy.JackhadtoldheraboutthenativeIndiantribe.Whentheyroamedthelandfreelytheircustomwastoburyyourightwhereyouweredied.Jackwouldoftenexpresstoherthathecouldfeeltheirspiritswhilehewas
outwalkingandsomewerekindbutothersseemedhostile.
NeverinamillionyearsdidshethinkhewouldmistakeherforanIndiansprit.
AsshemadeherwayaroundthebackofthehouseshelookedupatJack’sbedroomwindow,thehouseseemeduninhabited.Shestoppedcallinghisname.Noreply.Shewarmed
hershouldersfromtheNovemberwind.Wherewashe?Thistimeshecuppedherhandsoverhermouth.“Jackareyouhome,it’sMaggie.”
Thedarknessgrewaroundherandshegotthefeelingsheshouldreturntothecar.ThewindspickedupandMaggiewalkedalongthesouthernsideofthehome,pastthemetalgarbagecansandduckedunderapinetree.
Whenshelookedup
againshethoughtshesawsomething,orsomeoneinthedistance.Butthedarkmadeithardtosee.Shecontinuedtowardhercar,keysinhandreadytosneakinside.Theclosershegottothevehicle,themoreshestaredatthemanapproaching.Hewaswalkingatasteadygait,shouldersdown,fistsclenched.Sherantowardthedriver’sside.
“Don’tyoumove,”a
voicedeclared.Maggieturnedbackaround.ItwasJack.Hiseyeswerewideanddark,hisshouldersbent.“Where’veyoubeen?I’vebeenlookingforyou?”
Hepresumedtowalkaroundher,inspectingherlikeanapprehensivedog.“Jack,whatareyoudoing?Whyaren’tyoutalkingtome?”
Hismovementswere
slowandmethodic.“Seriously,youarescaringme.Whatiswrong?Areyouokayornot?”
“You’renother.”Hisvoicewassullen.
“I’mnotwho?”Hestoppedandsquared
offinfrontofher.“YouarenotMaggie.”
Herearstingled.Theaironthestreetcornerturneddeathlycool.“Jack.What’swrongwithyou?Whywould
yousaythat?”Maggiestoodstill.She
fearedturningherbackonhim.Ifsheopenedthecardoor,hecouldcrushherbetweenthedoorandtheframe.Instead,shestayedthere,watchinghisfacecontortasifhewereadogplottinghisnextmove.
Sheknewrightthen,thatescapingJackwasnotanoption.Althoughthethoughtwasunconscious,hemadehis
point.Thequestionnowwaswouldshemakehers?
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Asthecarreachedthe8000feetmarker,apatchofclouds
rolledin.MaggieturnedonherheadlightsasshepassedthesignwelcominghertoCascadeTownship.Itsurelookedlikemoresnowwasheadedtheirway.
Herphonejingled.Klaushadcalledaboutwork,amongsomeotherrandomtexts.Justasshereturnedhereyestotheroad,DetectiveBrantcalled.
“Hello?”“Yesdetective,thisis
Maggie.”
“Ms.BurkeweneedyoutocomebythestationintheSprings.Asecurityguardatyourson’sschoolreportedfindingyellowbeercanontheschoolplayyard.We’vepulledfingerprintsandtheymatch.”
MaggiecalledBenimmediately.
“Where’sEli?”“Inbed,hetookanap
justbeforelunch.”Herheartleapt.“Go
check.Checkhisroom.”“What’sthefuss,what’s
wrong?”Maggiechangedlanes
andspedupthemountain.“Ben,tellmeyouhavehim?”
“What’sgoingon?”“Justgogethim.Wake
himupandstaybyVala.”“I’llbehomeasfastasI
can.”Maggiehungupand
spedpastaplowandveeredintooncomingtraffic.A
patrolcarflippedonhislightsandzoomedupbehindher,butMaggiekeptgoing.Whensheturnedintotheneighborhoodthepolicecarwasonhertail.Shenailedeverybumponthedirtroadasshedroveuphilltowardherhouse.Clickingthegaragedooropen,shethrewthecarinparkandracedintothehouse.
“Eli,Eli!”ShecaughtsightofBen.
“Whereishe?”Sherantohisroom,his
sheetswerethrownbackandthesidedeckdoorwasslightlyajar.“Ben,ohmyGod.”
Herheartthrobbed.“Hetookhim.Hetookhim!”
Benappearedinthedoorway,hisbacktothewall.“Hetookwho?”
Herfingerspulledattherugasshehungherhead.“Jack’sgotEli.”
“Maggie.”Benmovedtowardher.JustthenEliwalkedoutofthebathroomwithdrippinghands.“Iamrightheremomma.Ihadtowashmyhands.”
Shewobbledtohimonherkneesandpickedupherboy.Shekissedhimhardandheldontohim.
“Mommawhathappened?Didthecoyotesscareyouagain?”
Shewipedhereyesand
smiled.Whatarelieftoseehimunharmed.ElitwistedaroundandspoketoBen.“ShegetsscaredofthecoyoteswhenshewalksVala.Butcoyotesdon’tlikepeople.”HeplacedhishandsonhisMaggie.“Don’tworrymom.Theywon’thurtyou.”
Thepolicemanwhotailedherhadmadehiswayintothehouse.Apparentlywhenhecalledintheaddressandaskedforbackup,the
dispatchergavehimanoverviewofthesituation.
Shehuggedhimeventighter.
“Ms.Burke,iseverythingallright?”
ShegaveEliovertoBenandrosetoherfeet.Shepointedtothedoorandexplainedtheproblemtotheofficer.HeaskedMaggietostayinthekitchenwhilehecombedthearea.
BenhadElisettledown
infrontoftheTV.HewalkedtowardMaggieandenvelopedherinahug.Herbodytightenedasshepulledhimascloseasshecould.Whenwoulditbeover?
Ben’sarmswrappedaroundherlikeatree.Shefeltsosecureandlovedbutthesecondshepulledaway,herheartwouldstir.“OhmyGodBen,whatdoIdo?”Benwasfrazzled.“Idon’tgetit,whynotcomeinand
takehim?”Maggiehunginhisarms.
“Don’tworryMaggie.Iwon’tlethimhurtyouorEli.Ipromise.”
TheCascadepolice
returnedtothekitchenwithabottleofwhiskeywrappedintoday’snewspaper.Itwasleftjustoutsideyourson’sbedroom.“Couldn’thavebeentheretoolong,it’snotfrozen.”
Maggiegasped.“Andtherearefreshprintsheadingtowardthehousefromthebackyard.”
“Followtheprints.”“It’snotthateasy.The
snowhaspiledupinthebackyard,withthewaythesnowmeltsintheseparts,therearelargepitsmaskingwherethefootprintstaperoff.Hecouldhavegoneanyway.
Maggie’sstomachwasinaknot.ShehadBenandthe
policeinherhomebutshefeltasnervousasshedidwhenitwasjustsheandJack.WhenDetectiveBrantarrivedshefeltbetter.Hewouldhaveanactionplan,hehadto.
“Wedon’twantthistoprogress.We’vegotevidencethatyourexhusbandhasbeenatEli’sschool.”
Maggiefeltweak.“Hecan’thaveEli.Youhavetofindhim.”
“IknowMs.Burke.I’vealreadyspokentotheCascadepolice,theyareonthelookout.We’vefaxedadescriptionofyourextosurroundingtowns.Thepoliceherewillkeepalookoutonyouforthreedays.
Benspokeup.“Whatexactlywilltheybedoing?”
“Anunmarkedofficerwillbepostedoutsidethehouseasasafeguardaftercurfew.Duringtheday,we
willmonitorthehomecloselywhileyoumaintainalowprofileinthecommunity.”
“Iunderstand.”“Whatifitdoesn’t
work?”DetectiveBrantsquared
hisshoulders.“Ohitwillwork.”
Beninterrupted.“I’vereaduponmyprofiling.Won’tguyslikeJackbedeterredbythelackofmedia?Imean,don’tthey
liveforthesensationalism?”“Notalways.JackBurke
seemsmoredisturbedthananything.”
Maggiepackedherthings.JustassheclosedEli’stopdrawerafemaleofficerenteredtheroom.“Maggie,I’mofficerConnolley.”
Sheturnedandsawawomansimilartoher.“I’vecomedownfromtheAurorapolicestation.I’llbestaying
inyourhomewhileyou’regone.”
Maggienoddedandkeptbusy.WhendetectiveBrantmadethecalltothelocalwoman’sshelterMaggiehadvainnotionsofwhatshewouldputElithrough.ItwasjustdaysbeforeChristmasandnowtheywereleavingtheirhome.Whatwouldshetellhim?”
ThecoolairstungagainsthercheekasMaggie
carriedElitothecar.BenwasalreadyseatedinsideandtookElifromherwarmarms.Heseemedexcitedtorideinapatrolcarandevenmorethrilledtositbehindthecopintheenclosedbackseat.
Maggiesurveyedtheinteriorlaptop,andgadgetsinthecar,thiswasreallyhappening.Jackwasafterherandshewashelpless.SheprayedtoGod,“Father,onlyyoucanprotectmenow.I
givemyentirelifetoyou,EliandBen.Maywegetthroughthisnightandmayyouendthisreignofterror.”
Everythinglookedblurryastheyleftthehouse.“Don’tworryMs.Burke.Everyoneatthestationwillbeworkingonthiscase.”
Maggiewinced,thatwasn’texactlywhatshewantedtohear.Thesnowhadgatheredonthecurbsideandthestreetplowswereinfull
affect.ItremindedherofthedayshegotVala.Findingthekennelwasquiteafeat.Itallstartedwithaninternetsearchforguarddogs.
ThefirstsiteincludedphotosofGermanshepherdpuppies,expensiveonesatthat.Thoughcute,noonecaughthereye.Eachsitehaditsownhandlerandbreederbutsofarnoonehadtheedgeshewaslookingfor.
Hersearchseemedvain
untilshereadaboutalocalhandlerwhotraineddogsfortheDenverPoliceDepartment;therewasevenafemalejudgewhohadacanineasapersonalprotectiondog.Maggiecalledthejudge’sofficeandaskedforareferral.Shecalledthattrainer,andwasputintouchwithKlaus.Afterleavingfourphonemessages,shedecidedtovisitthecompoundherself,which
isexactlywhatshedid.Twodayslatershe
pulledofftheroadandfollowedthesignstotheK9School.Thepropertywasspreadoutandanoldhomestoodtallandcenter.Shelookedaroundattheunkemptlawnandwirefences—itwasnotwhatshewasexpecting.
Sheclutchedthecomputerprintoutasifitweregold.Thiswastheplace.Fivekennelsstood
alongsidethedriveway,thedogsallwatchedherassheexitedthecar.Therewasnotasinglebarkoranxiousbehavior.Theyjustsatandwatched,liketheywereonguard.
Shewentintothebuildingmarkedoffice.Whenthedoorpushedbackamanwearingatatteredsweatshirtandcutoffsweatpantssatinacloudofcigarsmoke.
Maggiespokefirst,“I’m
lookingforKlaus,OfficerCarmikefromtheDenverK9unitsentme.”
Hesmiledandreplied,“IamKlaus.”
Shemovedcloserandheldoutherhand.Hestaredbackather.“IstheresomethingIcandoforyou?”
“Yes,asamatteroffactthereis.Iaminterestedinyourtraining.Ineedadog.”
“Whatdoyoumeanyouneedadog?”
ShewentontoexplainherrelationshipwithJack.
Klausputouthiscigarandleanedforward.“Iamsorrytohearthat,butmydogsarenotpets.Andtheycostmorethanacar.”
“Iunderstand.I’mwillingtopay.”Maggielookedaround.“Itlookslikeyoucouldusesomehelparoundhere.”Hestoodupandtookabaseballhatoffthewall.“Followme.”
Theysatattheofficetableasheexplainedtheprogramthetraining,anditspurpose.Hehadpolicedogsthatweretrainedfornarcotics,explosivesandcadavers,andhetrainedhandlerstodothesame.
“NowIdon’tsellpuppieshere,butwetrainthem.Thereisanextensivetestusedtodetermineadog’sabilitytoprotect,inGermanitiscalledSchutzund.My
dogsallhavepassedthistest.”
Maggiehaddoneherreading.Adogtrainedwithverbalcommandsandhandsignswerenotwhatsheneeded.TheSchutzundtrainingdidmore,ittaughtthedogtothinkonitsown.That’swhatsheneeded.
“Haveyouselectedyourpuppyyet?”
“No,doIneedto?”“Well,ifyouwanta
guarddog,youaregoingtoneedadog.”
Maggiesmirked,“Ofcourse.Doyouhaveanydogsthatareavailable?”
Klauslookedatherbutkeptwalking.
Klausledhertoakennelwitheightstalls,muchlikeabarn.“Iworkwiththedogfortwomonths,andthenyoucomeforfiveweeks.It’severyday,soyouwillneedtotakeofffromwork.”
“I’mabookagent,sothat’snoproblem.”
“Whatpricerangecanyouaffordforthedog?”
“Iwashopingunderseventhousand.”
Klaussaidnothingbutheraisedhiseyebrows.“Ihavefemaledog,Itrainedherforaclientwhorecentlypassedaway.Shewasaguarddog,andthefamilyreturnedherafterthefatherpassedaway.Icanretrainherfor
thatprice.”Maggiewantedtohug
theman.Seventhousanddollarswasallshehadtohername.Butitwasworthit.
CHAPTERTWENTY-
FOURItwashardtostopthe
tapesfromplayingoverinher
mind.TenyearsagoMaggiemetJackatacollegeparty.Andadecadelatershewashidingforherlife!
Whenthesuncameup,Maggiewokewithacrickinherneck.Shefeltthewarmthofahandonhershoulder.ShelookedupandsawthehousemotherstandingbesideEli;hisfacewaswetfromtears.“Mommy.Ididn’tknowwhereyouwere.”
Sheblinkedharderasit
allcameback.Shewasattheshelterandmusthavefallenasleepatthecomputer.MaggiescoopedEliupinherarms.“Comeherebaby.”
Shecradledhisheadwithherhandandmadeeyecontactwiththewoman.Shewhispered,“Thankyou,”andletEli’slittlebodymeltintohers.“Mommydidn’tmeantoscareyou.”
Thehallwasbustlingaslinesbegantoformforthe
bathrooms.Maggieweavedthroughthewomenassistingtheirlittleonesandpreparingforwork.Thekitchenwasonlyopenforbreakfastforashorttime,andifshewantedtofeedEli,theyhadtobethereintime.
MaggieretrievedtwobagelsfromthebasketandwasabouttospreadcreamcheeseonEli’swhenDetectiveBarronappeared.“Maggie.Ineedtospeakwith
you.”Thedirectorstood
behindhim,noddedpolitely.ThenshereachedforEli.“Heresweetheart,whydon’tyouletMommytalkandIwillhelpyouwiththat.”
Maggie’sanxietywassuffocating.ShefollowedDetectiveBarronoutside,witheachstepherheartbeatincreased.SheprayedValawasokay.Sheprayedtheycaughthim.
Withthesuninhereyes,shelistenedintentlytothedetective.“Therewasabreakatthehouselastnight.Wehaveabodythatneedstobeidentified.”
“Whathappened?”“Theperpetratorcamein
throughthepatiodoorbyyourson’sroom.Fromthelooksofit,yourguarddogwasready.Shesustainedmultiplestabwoundsbutthevictimdidnotmakeit.”
Maggiebegantoshake.Thisiswhatshewanted.Thisiswhatshewaswaitingfor.Thegroundseemedtoopenupandswallowher.Timestoppedasabarrageofthoughtsswirledinsideher.“WasitJack?”
“Wecan’ttell.Hewasmarredtobadlyforustoknowyet.”
“IsValahurt?”“Herwoundsaredeep
butshemadeitthroughthe
night.”“Canweseeher?”“Yes,butIwouldleave
theboyhere.”Maggiecomposed
herselfandreturnedtotheroom.ShecalledClaireandaskedhertowatchEli.Beforesheknewit,Eliwasatthedoorwithcleanhandsandface.Shestoopeddown,holdingbackthetears.“Heyhandsome,doyouwanttogoforarideinthepolicecar
again?”Henoddedandgaveher
ahug.Shelethislittlearms
sootheherfears.Rightnowthat‘sallshecouldhandle.TherewouldbebloodatthehouseandlotsofquestioningsoElineededtostaysafeandheneededtobewithfamily,ClairewastheclosestthingshehadthissideoftheMississippi.
Maggieslidintothecop
carandcrossedherarmstight.Therewouldneverbeanotherdaylikethisone.
Thedrivewassilentastheyheadedtoherhome.Hermindspuninwonder.WhatwouldshetellEli?WouldValabeallright?
WhenEliwassafewithClaire,thetearsstartedtowellupinMaggie’seyes.SheletthemfalltoherlapastheydrovetowardCascade.Nooneintownwouldknowthe
connectionbetweenthecrimeandherexhusband,itwouldallbespeculative.Sheneededthat.HowwouldsheandElievermoveonwiththeirlivesifthetruthgotout?
BenhadcalledafewtimeswhileshelefttheSprings.Shedidn’thavethehearttotalktohim.
DetectiveBrantcaughtherreflectionintherearviewmirror.“Wewillneedtobriefyouastowhathappened.Is
thatsomethingyoucanhandle?”
Maggierubbedthetopofherlegsandwipedhereyes.“Yes.”
Westagedanofficeratyourhomelastnight.TheintentionwastolureJackoutofthewoodsandgethimonabreakingandenteringchargewithaweapon.Yourdoghowever,tookmattersintoherownhands.
“Hewascomingtotake
Eli?”“Therewasnocaratthe
sceneMaggie.Hehadnoexitplan.Bestweknow,hefollowedouragentbacktoyourhouse.Weplacedawomaninyourroom,tomakeitlooklikeyouwerehome.Hewaited45minutesafterthelightswentout,timingitperfectlywiththenaturalsleepstate.”
“Washearmed?”Thedetectiveleaned
forward.“Wefoundspilledbottleofchlorophyllintheroom,andhehadaknife.”
“Howdidhegainentrancetomyhome?”
“Hebrokethroughtheglasspanelofthedeckdoor.”
Maggieshuttered.“HereallywascomingforEli.”Jackfedofftheelementofsurprise.“Thenwhathappened?”“Theofficerwasinthebathroomwhentheman
enteredthehome.Valatookhimdown.”
Maggiecouldfeelhiseyesonherasshecoveredherface.Valahaddoneherjob;sheputherlifeonthelinetosaveherandEli.Andnowhershunginthebalance.
“CanIseeher?”“Oncethisclearsup,you
certainlycan.”Whenthecruiserturned
intoherneighborhood,Maggie’sanxietyrose,almost
chokingherlikethepythonitwas.Sheheldherbreathasthecarroundedthecornerastheyclimbedthehill.Therewerepolicecarsalloverthestreet,twonewsvans,reportersspreadacrossthelawn.
“Wearenotinterviewing,don’tmakeeyecontact.”
Maggieagreed.DetectiveBrantpulled
intothedrivewayandushered
Maggieintothegarage.Sheclosedhereyesandbreathedindeep.
Thehousespreadoutbeforeherasifshewerenotwelcome.Theareawastapedoffandofficersstoodoutsidethehouse,mainlystudyingthesidedeckandthepointofentry.Sheabsorbedeverydetail.
Whensheenteredthehouseapolicemanwithacamerasteppedoutofthe
bedroom.MaggielookedatDetectiveBrant.“Wheredidhedie?”Hesufferedsomesevercutstohisheadandarmuponentry.Butfromwhatwecantell,heneverleftEli’sbedroom.”
Thewordsstung.Withhotwateryeyessheraisedherheadandstaredatthedetective.“AreyoutellingmethatJackdiedinmyson’sroom?
“Yes.”Herworldstartedto
spiral.WhatthehellwaswrongwithJack?Untilnowhisdemonicbehaviorhadbeenhiddenfromtheworld.Whatwasshedealingwith?Washeassickasthoseteenshooterswhoslaughterinnocentkids?WhatwouldshetellEliifhehadkilledVala?
Shestoodthere,asthepolicemeanderedthroughher
home,theinvestigatorsneededtointerviewher.ButMaggie’smindwassolelycapturedononething.Vala.
MaggiewasreadytoleavethehouseandattendtoValabutshewastoowearytodrive.ShecalledBen.
Herknightinshiningarmorarrived,standingoutsideliketherestofthespectators.WhenMaggieleftthehouse,sheshuffledherwaytowardhimandintoa
magnificenthug.Shefeltherbodyblendintohisasthoselovingarmsmadeallherstressmeltaway.
Maggiecouldn’tstop
thinkingaboutValaontheirwaytothehospital.ThebloodonthewallinEli’sroomwassmearedsixfeetwide.Thestainonthecarpetsoakedthroughthepad.Itwasenoughtobreakherheart.HowcouldJackwant
tokillthemotherofhischild,orevenworse,killhisson?
Shehadnochoicebuttolookatfacts.Jacktraveledhalfwayacrossthecountrytohuntherdown.Hecarriednoidentification,preplanningtoharmherandnotgetcaught.Hebuiltahideoutsomewhere;nolocalmotelhadeverseenhim.Andaftertheentireruckus,hehurttheonebeingthatheldherlifeinthehighestregard.Vala.
MaggiepoppedthecardooropenbeforeBenhadstoppedthecar.Sherushedinsideandinterruptedthereceptionist.“I’mheretoseemydogVala.Shewasbroughtitlastnightafterastabwound.”
Thewoman’searwasgluedtoaphone.Shebackedupherchairandcoveredthereceiver.“I’llbringyoubackinonesecond.”
Bencameinbehindher,
“Iseverythingallright?”“Yeah,theyaretakingus
toseeher.”“That’sgoodMaggie.
She’sstillalive.”Thewomanhungupand
walkedaroundthecounter.“She’safighterthatone.”
Maggiepusheduphersleeves.“Iknow.”
“LetmejustcheckwiththedoctorandthenIwillgetyoubackthere.”
“Yes,”Maggiecried
desperately.Weavingthroughthe
backhallthewomanupdatedMaggie.“Shemadeitthroughthenightbutshewasstillincriticalconditionearliertoday.”
“Ifyoudon’tmindIwouldrathernotknowthedetailsofherinjuries.Ijustwanttoknowifshewillrecover.”
“Wecan’tpromiseanything.Butitlooksgood.
It’suptoherhowthatlegheals.”
Maggiewasthankful.TheyletherviewValafromthedoorway,thedogwasasleepanddruggedbutshewasthereandMaggiewasabletobreathe.Hergirlwasalive,purelybyGod’sgrace.Itwasamiracle;thewholescenario,findingVala,gettingher,trainingher,andusingthoseskillstoprotectherandEli.Howcouldshe
notthankGod?
CHAPTERTWENTY-
FIVEElistackedthelittlejelly
packetsupashighashecould,whilewaitingforhisdinner.Thedinerwasbusyas
usualandMaggiepresumednooneintheSpringswouldrecognizethemfromthefiascoupthemountain.
Wordinthedinerwasabuzzwiththetopicofakillerontheloose.PolicehadensuredthatMaggieandhersonbeleftoutofthemedia,sincetherewasnotietothemandtheintruder.Withoutintent,withoutidentification,therewasnostory.
Clairewenttothehouse
toretrieveclothesforEli.Maggiemadeitclearshewasnotreadytogobacktothehouse.Afterdinner,thethreesomewatchedamovie.ElifellasleepbetweenBenandMaggieonthecouch,theperfectsafeplace.
WhenBengotreadytoleave,Maggiefeltatuginherheart.Shedidn’twanthimtoleave;sheneededthesecurityheoffered.
“Whydon’tyougo
homewithBen?I’vegotEli.He’snoproblem.”
Bensmiled,“It’sallrightbyme.”
Maggielookedatbothofthem,“Thankyouboth,foreverything.”
Herthoughtswerestillscrambled.Sheslippedonhercoatandheadedouttothedarknight,butwithBen,itbroughtnofear.
Turningintotheneighborhoodfeltstrange.
MaggietookBen’shand.She’dbesleepingdownthestreetfromthefatalaccident,onesheplannedforthathadnowcometrue.Theevents,asviolentastheywere,gaveherproofthathersuspicionswerejustified,thatitwasnotherparanoiabutherreactionandpreparationbecauseofthethreatofanother.ForMaggie,that“other”justhappenedtobeherex-husband.
Maggiewasawakewheneveryoneelsewasasleep.Shewasusedtobeingaloneatnightbutthistimehersurroundingswereunfamiliar.Shelayawake,notsureiftheanxietywouldsubsideornot.Theshadowsonthewallseemedtolurkaboveher.Sheheardnoises,unfamiliarnoisesthatstartledher.
EvenwithJackgoneshestillhadpatternsandbeliefsthatwouldtaketimeto
subside.Sheneededtoputhimoutofhermind,andoffherlips.Buthowdoyoudothatwiththefatherofyourson?Howcouldsheerasethedamage?
Withoutidentifyingthebody,MaggiewouldneverknowiftheintruderwasJack.Andleavingthatuptofatewassomethingshewasnotabouttodo.ShewantedproofitwasJack.Shewantedtoseehiscoldstiffcorpse.She
wantedtoputanendtoherterror.
Maggieclosedhereyesbeforethecoronerunzippedthebodybag.Jack’sbodylaycoldonatable,thoughtoheritstillseemedlikesomesickjoke.Shewaitedforhimtositupandtalktoherlikesomenecromancyfool.Hishumorhadnoendandhisevilgrewdeepereachyear.Nowittook
himdown.Sheidentifiedhimbyhistattoosandthewickedgrinonhisfacethatseemedtohauntherevenfromhisdeath.Thelacerationsonhisheadandarmswerenodifferentthantheseverebruisingthataccompaniedhistournamentsandtraining.Hewashappiestwhenhewasbleeding.ItseemedlikeJackhadbeenbleedinghiswholelife.
Inastrangewaythe
emptinessinsideleftassherecognizedthebody.
Maggiewalkedbacktohercarasifshehadwings.HerfuturewouldbefreefromthemadnessJackhadthrustuponher.Thestrugglewasover.Itwasfinallyover.
CHAPTERTWENTY-
SIXBencradledValaasif
shewerehischild.Maggiestoodatthehatchbackandopenedthedoorforwhat
wouldbethelasttime.Benplacedthedogintheback,herbreathingslowandcalm.ThetearsfellharderasMaggiecollapsedintothefrontseat.Shecouldn’tbearthethoughtoflosingVala.Backingawaypulledatherheart.Suffocatedbymemoriesthatshe’dforeverholddear,Maggieclosedhereyesastheydrovetothevet’soffice.Thiswouldbethehardestgoodbyeshe’dever
hadtosay.Fordaysprior,Vala
existedsolelyonmedsthatleftherincontinentandlethargic.Shewouldnotrecover—shesimplyexisted.Herpresenceinthehousewasmoreofaquietobserver,andaconstantreminderofthebeautythatoncewas.Unabletoliftupherhead,Elihadstayedbythedog.Hedidn’tunderstandthatshewasdyingorthatshewould
beleavingthefamily.MaggieshowedhimpicturesoflocalpuppiesandtoldhimthatValagotsickandneededtolivewiththedoctortokeephersafe.
Maggie’svoicewasriddledwithguiltandsadnessasherlittleboyhuggedhertight.“It’sokaymommy.Lovewillmakeherallbetter.”
Shecouldn’tlookatherwithoutcrying.Hereyeshad
beenredandtherewereonlyhoursleft.Valafoughthard.Shehadrecoveredfromtheincident,enoughtoliveanotheryear.
AstheydroveupthemountainMaggielookedfortheturnoffthatshetooktowork.Klaushadcometosaygoodbye.Valawasnestledinthecornerwhenhertrainercameby.Withtired,heavy,lethargiceyes,herquietspiritwassoothedbyhisvisit.And
thatwasit.Theveterinarianinvited
themduringlunch,sotheofficewouldbequietandstill.BenplacedthedogonthefloorandsatbesideMaggie,holdingherhand.
“You’resuchagoodgirlVal.Thesweetest,lovinggirl,”Maggiecried.
Thereminderthatshewasstillalivebecauseofthisdog,wasonethatwouldneverfade.TheVetexplained
theseriesofshots,andhowlongitwouldtake.“Therecanbesomeinvoluntarymovements,butshewillslipawaypeacefully.”
“Doyouneedsometimetosaygoodbye.”
Maggiewipedhereyes.“No.Sheisreadytogo.I’veheldontoherwaytoolong.”
Shelookeddownatthewhitebeauty.Valasatstill,almostinvitingtherelease.TheVetkneltbesidethedog
andreachedintohispocketfortheinjection.Thiscanhappenfast.AndIneedtowarnyou.Therecouldbesomeresidualmusclespasms,causingherbodytomoveoncetheheartstops.”
Bentookphotosofher.“Byesweetie.ByeVala,”hesaid.
“Maggieshookherheadandthenslidoffthechair.“WaitIwanttoholdherpawswhileshegoes.”
TheVetinjectedthesolutionasMaggiepetherhead.Vala’seyesclosedandwithinsecondsshewasgone.“Ithinkshe’salreadygone.”Hesaidasheplacedthestethoscopeonhersideandsighed.“I’veneverseenadogsoreadytogo.”
Maggieshookherhead.“Shewasinalotofpain.Shewasready.”
“Itwouldappearthatway,”Bensanktothefloor
andpetherhead.“Shestayedalivetoprotectyou.ShelivedforyouandEli.”
ThedoortotheexamroomopenedandtheypulledValaaway.Maggiewatchedasthedog’slifelessbodywastakenfromtheroom.Theofficeseemedcompletelyquiet.Maggiesattherewithherheadinherhands.“Shewasonlyfive.Shehadsomuchmorelife.”
“ShelovedyouMaggie.
Shegaveherlifeupforyou?”“Iknow,”shesobbedas
heheldherinatightembrace.“Thatmakesitsomuchharder.”Shevoicetrembled.“IfIhadn’tneededhertoprotectme,shecouldhavehadanormallife.”
“Butthatwasherlife.Shewasbredforprotection.Shedidn’tknowanyotherwayofliving.”
IfthetraitsofMaggieseemsimilartoyourthinkingpatterns,pleasetalkwithsomeonewhoknowsaboutanxiety,PTSDordomesticviolence.Morebooksandinformation
areavailable:
JessicaGaffney.com