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“And you should imitate me,just as I imitate Christ.” I Cor. 11:1
Commit to following Christ’s Example
Mentor by Example
Have Faith in God’s Work
Mentor Code of Conduct
Manual III-1
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Getting to Know Your Club Kid
We’re all about building relationships.
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Manual III-2
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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach
Manual III-2
“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not
depart from it.”Proverbs 22:6
Train Up = Hebrew word hanakh
to “dedicate” or “consecrate”
Related to the term for “Roof of the mouth.”
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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:
“Train Up”Manual III-2
A very similar word in Arabic describes an ancient practice:
The midwife dipped her finger into crushed dates and
massaged the palate and gums of a newborn.
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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:
Natural InstinctManual III-3
Using natural instinct to guide the baby to make the right choice!
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A Sweet Taste Approach: Inspiration
Manual III-3
• The best training (and mentoring) is
accomplished when we opt for inspiration instead of coercion.
• We do this by discovering the child’s natural desires and unique abilities.
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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:Characteristic Way
Manual III-3
• “Way he should go.” The key Hebrew word in the phrase is derek, or “way.”
• Therefore, train a child according to his or her characteristic manner.Artistic? Athletic? Academic? One may be strong-willed, another compliant . . .
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A Sweet Taste Mentoring Approach:The Challenge
Manual III-4
• Learning the core strengths and “the way s/he should go” for a club kid can be challenging.
• Why? Because of LEARNED HELPLESSNESS . . .
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Learned Helplessness:Experiment Part 1
Manual III-4
• Acting or behaving helplessly in a particular situation, not realizing you have the power to change the circumstances
• Martin Seligman & colleagues Experiment 1:
Group 1 dogs – no shocks
Group 2 dogs – shocks which the dogs could end
Group 3 dogs – shocks which the dogs could not control
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Learned HelplessnessExperiment Part 2
Manual III-4
• Experiment 2:Placed all dogs in a shuttle-box apparatus. The dogs could escape electric shocks by jumping over a low partition. Response?
Group 2 –
Group 3 –
Group 1 – Jumped out of the box, escaping the shocks
Jumped out of the box, escaping the shocks
Passively laid down and whined
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Learned Helplessness:
Foster Care and AbuseManual III-4
• How could abuse or neglect create Learned Helplessness?
• How could foster care create Learned Helplessness?
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Learned Helplessness:Long Term Impact
Manual III-4
• Mental and physical illness
• Chronic Victimization
• Repeating the cycle of abuse and neglect
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Learned Helplessness:Personal, Pervasive, Permanent
Manual III-5
Learned helplessness and depression result from responding to negative life events with a pessimistic explanatory style
• PERSONAL “It’s all my fault!”
• PERVASIVE “I can’t do anything right!”
• PERMANENT “Nobody will ever like me!”
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Reversing Learned Helplessness
PersonalManual III-6
Club materials focus on providing new explanations for bad life events using the Word of God
PERSONAL “It’s all my fault!”
to
“God loves me no matter what happens!”
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Reversing Learned Helplessness
PervasiveManual III-6
PERVASIVE “I can’t do anything right!”
to
“God gave me strengths and talents!”
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Reversing Learned Helplessness
PermanentManual III-6
PERMANENT “I will never amount to anything!”
to
“God has a plan for my life!”
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Reversing Learned Helplessness
Vicarious LearningManual III-7
People can learn helplessness through
“vicarious” learning (or modeling), i.e.,observing another person encountering uncontrollable events
Example?
Vicarious learning can also teach positive messages and behaviors that empower children.
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RFK Curriculum:Role Models
Manual III-8
1. “Role Models” focus provides positive vicarious learning
• Historical heroes who were orphans or in foster care who demonstrate resilience
• Bible Club stories featuring “over-comers”
• Monthly Puppet Skits
• Mentors and Club staff provide modeling
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RFK Curriculum
FunManual III-8
2. Help Kids Discover their Signature Strengths
3. Leadership – Real-life Opportunities
4. FUN – ‘therapeutic’ but NOT therapy!
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RFK Curriculum
Adventure BookManual III-9
Using the Adventure Book
• “Low maintenance” mentoring tool
Basics: pencil, pen, tape
A method for discovering your Club kid’s characteristic “way to go” implanted by God
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RFK CurriculumAdventure Book
Hero StoriesManual III-9
Using the Hero stories
• Slow or non-readerswill need help.
• You can quickly“summarize” the plot.
• These heroes ALLovercame childhood traumato do important work.
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RFK CurriculumAdventure Book
ActivitiesManual III-9
Games
• Learning style?• “Love” language?• What makes them laugh?
Clues to your club kid:
No “wrong” answers possible!
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RFK CurriculumAdventure Book
JournalManual III-10
Adventure Log/Map
• A way to record memories!
A leaf from the park . . . A napkin from MacDonald’s . . . A photo
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Head Fake PrincipleManual III-11
“It is the RELATIONSHIP that heals!” Psychiatrist Irving Yalom
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Head Fake PrincipleThe Original Wound
Manual III-11 (continued)
The original wound?
A personal relationship that failed.
“We believe that the love we have invested in these children will be blessed in God’s time and to God’s glory.” ChildShare Credo
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Mentoring Q & AManual III-12 & 13
1. When do I get matched with my Club kid?
2. When can I contact my Club kid?
3. How do I contact my Club kid?
4. What ‘counts’ towards the 4 hour per month commitment?
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Mentoring Q & AManual III-13 & 14
5. How should I schedule my mentoring time?
6. Four of us are mentoring siblings in the same home — can we pick them up & take them places together?
7. When does my commitment to 4 hours per month end?
8. What about summer contact?
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Mentoring & BoundariesManual III-15-17
Mentors are NOT:
• Babysitters • Taxis • Santa
• Banks • Family Counselors
Mentors ARE mandated reporters of abuse.
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Royal Family KIDS View ofFoster Caregivers
Manual III-18 & 19
A caregiver’s cooperation can make or break the opportunity to reach a foster child through Club. Work to enhance the relationship by
• Believe every child comes from a loving, caring foster home
• Recognize foster parenting is difficult and challenging
• Appreciate opportunity to reach foster parents and kids
• Expect the foster child to give a biased opinion of home life
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Caregiver Communication:Emergency Release
Manual III -20 & 21
Keep expectations and approval processes open & clear. The application process will require completed & signed:
• Emergency Medical/Activities Transportation Release(one form for each Club kid) VI-2 & 3
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Caregiver CommunicationUsing the Caregiver Covenant
Manual III – 20 - 23
• Caregiver Covenant, VI – 4 & 5
- Part I: Caregiver vs Club Commitment
- Part II: Pick Up and Drop Off Authorization (2 emergency contacts)
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Caregiver CommunicationSeveral Club Kids in the Same Family
Manual III-20-21
• Several kids in same family – handling forms
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Caregiver CommunicationFirst Caregiver Meeting
Manual III-21
• Mentor/Caregiver first meeting
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What if Your Club Kid Moves Placement?
Manual III-24 & 25
• Mentor Director will call the social worker to get an ally in continuing your mentoring relationship
• Once Mentor Director makes contact with new caregiver a mentor can call & introduce themself to the new caregiver
• Get new Emergency/Medical Activities Transportation Release form, Caregiver Covenant & Drop Off/Pick Up Authorization signed
• Club kid moved too far away to continue mentoring? Ask if you can call, or mail cards.
Be positive, friendly and supportive!
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Mentoring RemindersMentoring & Transportation Logs
Manual III-27
Mentoring Log (see Manual VI-12 & 13)
• Complete every month due at Club meeting
• Copy goes to Mentoring Director for review
• Complete at time of every trip—give copy to Mentoring Director each monthly meeting
Transportation Log (see Manual VI-12 & 13)
• Signed Emergency/Medical Transportation Release, proof of insurance & valid driver’s license whenever transporting Club kid(s)
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Using Your Club ID Certification Cards
III-27 & 28
• Required at every Club meeting/mentoring activity
• Paper Copy to caregiver and/or caseworker
• Caretaker may always ask to see the card
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Why RFK Requires Certification Cards
III- 27 & 28
1. The process enforces national standards
2. The card provides an identity check and a copy provides an official record for the caregiver
3. The card includes an expiration date and is collected at year’s end
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Mentoring CohortDefinition Manual III-29 & 30
• Mentor Support System• Provides Encouragement and
Direction to Mentors• Meets During Club Meeting• Facilitated by Mentor Director, Club
Social Worker or Other Club Leader
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Mentor CohortsManual III-29 & 30
Purpose of Mentor Cohort• Meaningful Words of Encouragement• Safe Environment• Sharing Of Wisdom• Prayer
Things to Keep In Mind• Ideally groups of 15 or less• Sufficient Club Staff
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Mentor CohortsManual III-29 & 30
1. Announcements 5 minutes
2. Individual Sharing time 15 minutes highlights/setbacks/questions/ relationship/activity ideas
3. Prayer:a praise + a request 10 minutes The topics shared in this meeting often contain information
that the mentor director may wish to follow up on between meetings. This may include additional
encouragement, resources, prayer, direction, etc.