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BIBILICAL OVERVIEW (3)

QUOTATIONS (22)

RESPONSIBILITIES (20)

TYPES OF MARRIAGES (14)

DEFINITIONS OF MARRIAGE (11)

DANGERS TO MARRIED LIFE (25)

DANGERS LEAD TO (29)

SOME QUOTES (39)

BLESSINGS (38)

7 WAYS OF COMMUNICATION

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WARNING SIGNS (33)

TESTOMONIES (40)

UNDERSTANDING THE SPOUSE (41)

THE END (45)

ASSESSMENT OF YOUR HUSBAND (44)

QUESTIONAIRE (43)

SCORING YOUR LOVE TEST (42)

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1. Relationship

• “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a help mate for him” (Gen 2.18-25). Man was made for relationship. Husbands and wives compliment each other.

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2. Complete and Equal

• God’s plan for humanity is that they not only complement each other, but that both are equally precious in His eyes. Equality in worth and status, at the same time complimenting each other in function. “God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man” (Gen 2.22)

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3. Covenant Committment

• “Joins himself to his wife” (Prov 2.17) “Who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God”

• (Mal 2.14) “ You ask, Why? It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant”

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4. Unity and Harmony

• “The two shall become one flesh” as in Gen 2.24. This also means seperation from old ties, though not severance

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5. Image of God

• Gen 1.26-28; 5.2 We reflect God’s glory, His character and attributes. Remember the status of man and woman- made in the “image” (exact print and carbon copy) of God. Man and woman together reflect the image of God. The beauty of marriage is in the reflecting of God’s image in us individually and corporately.

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6. Procreation

• “Be fruitful and multiply” says Gen 1.28 Children are God’s gift in a marriage and they are praised in Scriptures. See Gen. 15.5; Proverbs 16; Psalm 127.3-5 It is God’s purpose that we dwell together in families (Gen 12.3) and Eph. 3.15)

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7. Permanency, Love and Fidelity

See Mathew 19. 3-12; Eph 5. 21-25; 28-32

• Jesus confirms Old Testament precepts on marriage and adds other factors- permanence, fidelity and love. Apostle Paul complements Jesus by saying that “men should love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Which is by giving His life) This is a huge demand and he went further to say also that wives should honor and be submissive to their husbands, as the Church honors and submits to Christ.

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• Marriage itself can be a redemptive experience whereby men and women are redeemed by each other’s love from sickness, isolation, insecurity and selfishness and healed in the deepest parts of their personalities

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What Martin Luther said about Marriage?

• Marriage is not a joke; It must be worked on, and prayed over..To get a wife is easy enough, but to love her with constancy is difficult. For the mere union of the flesh is not sufficient; there must be a congeniality of tastes and character.

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Two sociologists called John F. Cubes and Pegy Haroff said about 5 types of marriages

• First type:- Devitalised marriage where it is worn out, run out of love and energy, just co-existing; married, but living as two singles. No conflict, no passion, living like married singles. Husband provides for the family, but uninvolved in the details. Husband consumed by work.

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• Second type:- Conflict habituated marriage, where always fighting, be it physical, verbal or emotional. Fresh wounds inflicted before old ones heal. Find pleasure in being hostile to the other. Always blaming the other.

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• Third type:- Passive Congenital marriage. No ups and downs. Routine life with no excitement, no new discoveries. Dull and boring; admire others and wishing things could be different. Joint involvement but nothing adventurous or exciting.

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• Fourth type:- Total marriage, where you find constant togetherness. All experiences in life shared; A lot of closeness and bonding. Often mistaken for the ideal marriage, but individual growth and ministry can be limited, because relationships take precedence over everything else.

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• Fifthly, Vital marriage, which is vigorous and strong involvment from both sides. Great interest in well being of the other. Doing things together very often. Minimal stress and lots of agreement. They have honesty, transperency and enhancement of one another.

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• Based on the functions alone, most women have more responsibility in the home than men. They therefore, deserve the support, encouragement, and help.

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• (Agatha Christie) “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her”

• (Howard Hendricks) “Only six marriages in a hundred are truly fulfilling”

• (Selvwyn Hughes) “Marriage is an exclusive union between one man and one woman, publicly acknowledged, permanently sealed and physically consumated”

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• (Selwyn Huges) “Bible opens and closes with a wedding”

• (John Ray) “Wedlock is padlock’’

• (Jack Mayhall) “I really don’t know anything about building houses. And I’d be a fool to try to build one without a competent architect. I don’t know how to build a marriage either. I would be a greater fool not to let the Creator of marriage be my Architect”

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• First, demands of his work:- Work and church often involves irregular and long hours. Your time is not yours, but your people’s. The demanding schedules leaves you little time for your family!! Also relationships can drain your emotions and leave us with little or no emotional energy for your family!!

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• Secondly, the leader’s self expectations where he pushes himself hard towards high expectations. He may end up with a complex, that everything depends on him. See 1 Kings 19. Like Elijah, he may feel lonely, guilty, paranoid, desperate, and even suicidal!!

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• Thirdly, Satan’s strategy is that a leader becomes the primary target of Satan’s attacks. The devil knows that if the leader falls, he takes his people with him. When ever there is opportunity and success, there will be opposition. (1 Cor 16.9) “Because a great door effective work has opened to me and there are many who oppose me”

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• Firstly neglect to self:- A leader may take care of others at the expense of himself. He discharges without recharging!! He burns until he is burnt out. Paul was careful that after preaching to others, he himself should not be disqualified!! (1 Cor. 9.27) “No I beat my body and make it my slave so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize”

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• Secondly, neglect to the family:- His wife complains that he has time for others but not for her. His children feel the same. A vicious cycle appears when the leader finds less satisfaction at home and spends less time with the family. He escapes to his work and spends more time there!! It could be even conferences, meetings, and speaking engagements!!

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• Thirdly, it leads to fantasies:- Unable to face reality, he escapes in to an unreal world!! It could be internet or anything he is fond of, including illicit relationships!!

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• Firstly, using work and ministry as an excuse not to spend time with the family

• Secondly, More concerned about how you appear in public than you are in the private (1 Sam 15.30) “Saul replied, I have sinned but please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel…”

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• Thirdly, unable to communicate with spouse or children (1 Sa 2. 22-25)

• Fourthly, Do not want to be accountable to any one!!

• Fifthly, making plans without consulting or considering the family.

• Finally, one can be successful at work or ministry but fall in our marriage at home!!

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BODY CONTACT7

WORDS

SMELL

EYE CONTACT

TOUCH

GESTURES

LISTENING

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• Bible records that Jacob had a special blessings to each child and a special future was envisaged for each son. (Gen 49.28) “These are the twelve tribes of Israel; and this is what their father said to them, when he blessed them, giving each the blessing appropriate to them” Do you do that for your children and wife? Do you minister grace, and life (blessing) through your words to them?

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• (Anonymous) “Invest in the future; have a child and teach him well”

• (Joseph Joubert) “Children need models more than they need critics”

• (Anonymous) “It is better to build strong children than to try to repair adults”

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• Isaiah 8.18 “Here am I and the children the Lord Has given me. We are signs and symbols in Israel..”

• Joshua 24.15 “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord”

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• 1 Pet 3.7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate, as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect, as the weaker partner, and as heirs with you, of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

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1. Please do this test in the privacy of your own room

2. This test will give you an oppurtunity to scrutinize your love towards your wife

3. Ask God to bless your marriage, and give thanks to God for giving you your wife!!

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1. Do you sacrifice (Quality time, money and energy etc.,)

2. Do you have a sense of permanance and possession about your wife to such a degree that no one else is attractive to you?

3. Do you respect and admire your wife in spite of recognised needs and weaknesses in her life?

4. Do you share a vital faith in God with your wife?

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1. He makes me feel very worthwhile (Always/sometimes/never)

2. Our communication standard (He lets me talk freely/He controls my speaking/He tends to supress my talking)

3 Realization of potentials (He encourgages me a lot/He occassionally encourages me/He hardly encourages me)

4 He helps me at home (He is very helpful/He is moderately helpful/Not at all helpful)

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(0) God bless you!