01 Ela 30-2 Examples of Students Writing 08 Final for Web

• Personal Response to Texts Assignment • Critical / Analytical Response to Literary Texts Assignment

Examples of the Standards for Students’ Writing 2008

English LanguageArts 30–2

From the January 2008 Diploma Examination

This document was written primarily for: Students Teachers Administrators Parents General Public Others

Copyright 2008, the Crown in Right of Alberta, as represented by the Minister of Education, Alberta Education, Learner Assessment, 44 Capital Boulevard, 10044 108 Street NW, Edmonton, Alberta T5J 5E6, and its licensors. All rights reserved. Special permission is granted to Alberta educators only to reproduce, for educational purposes and on a non-profit basis, parts of this document that do not contain excerpted material. Excerpted material in this document shall not be reproduced without the written permission of the original publisher (see credits, where applicable).

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Contents Acknowledgements ii Introduction 1 English Language Arts 30–2 January 2008 Writing Assignments 3

Assignment I: Visual Reflection 4

Assignment II: Literary Exploration 6

Assignment III: Persuasive Writing in Context 9 English Language Arts 30–2 Part A: Written Response Standards Confirmation 13

Background 13 Impressions of Standards Confirmers January 2008 14

Examples of Students’ Writing with Teachers’ Commentaries 16

English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 16 English Language Arts 30–2 Literary Exploration Assignment, January 2008 27 English Language Arts 30–2 Persuasive Writing in Context Assignment, January 2008 49

Scoring Categories and Criteria 60

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Acknowledgements

Publication of this document would not have been possible without the permission of the students whose writing is presented. The co-operation of these students has allowed us to continue defining the standards of writing performance expected in connection with diploma examinations and demonstrating approaches taken by students in their writing. This document includes the valuable contributions of many educators. Sincere thanks and appreciation are extended to the following Standards Confirmers: Claudia Hanevy, Keri Helgren, Sandy Lee, Brian Lindstrand, Brianna Storey, Richard Wagner, and Kjirsten Wilson. We gratefully acknowledge the contributions made by members of the Humanities Unit and the Document Design and Desktop Publishing Unit of Learner Assessment, Alberta Education. You can reach us with your comments and questions by e-mail to [email protected], [email protected], or [email protected], or by regular mail at

Alberta Education Box 43

44 Capital Boulevard 10044 108 Street NW

Edmonton, Alberta T5J 5E6

We would be pleased to hear from you.

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Introduction

The written responses in this document are examples of English Language Arts 30–2 Diploma Examination writing that received scores of Satisfactory (S), Proficient (Pf), or Excellent (E). These sample responses are taken from the January 2008 administration. Along with the commentaries that accompany them, they should help you and your students to understand the standards for English Language Arts 30–2 Diploma Examination writing in relation to the scoring criteria.

The purpose of the sample responses is to illustrate the standards that governed the January 2008 marking session and that anchor the selection of similar sample responses for subsequent marking sessions in 2008. The sample papers and the commentaries were used to train markers to apply the scoring criteria consistently and to justify their decisions about scores in terms of each student’s work and the criteria.

The sample responses included in this document represent a very small sample of successful approaches to the assignments. Selection and Use of Sample Papers The teachers on the Standards Confirmation Committee for the January 2008 marking session selected the examples of student responses included here. They also wrote the commentaries that discuss the students’ writing in terms of the scoring criteria used for marking. During their preparation for the January 2008 marking session, markers reviewed and validated the standards represented by these sample responses. Markers then used these sample responses as guidelines for marking the written-response sections of the January 2008 English Language Arts 30–2 Diploma Examination. Cautions 1. The commentaries are brief.

The commentaries were written for groups of markers to discuss and apply during the marking session. Although brief, they provide a model for relating specific examples from student work to the details in a specific scoring criterion.

2. Neither the scoring guide nor the assignments are meant to limit students to a single organizational or rhetorical approach in completing any diploma examination assignment.

Students must be free to select and organize their materials in a manner that they feel will enable them to best present their ideas. In fact, part of what is being assessed is the final effectiveness of the content, the form and structure, and the rhetorical choices that students make.

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The student writing in this document illustrates just a few of the many successful organizational and rhetorical strategies in January 2008.

We strongly recommend that you caution your students that there is no preferred approach to an assignment except the approach that best accomplishes the student writer’s goal of effectively communicating his or her own ideas about the topic.

We advise you not to draw any conclusions about common patterns of approach taken by students.

3. The sample papers presented in this document must not be used as models for instructional purposes.

Because these papers are illustrations only, and because they are sample responses to a set topic, students must be cautioned not to memorize the content of any of these assignments and not to use them when completing classroom assignments or when writing future diploma examinations. Examination markers and staff at Alberta Education take any possibility of plagiarism or cheating seriously. The consequences for students are grave. The approaches taken by students at the standard of excellence, not their words or ideas, are what students being examined in the future should consider emulating. In fact, it is hoped that the variety of approaches presented here will inspire students to experiment with diction, syntax, and form and structure as ways of developing an individual voice and engaging the reader in ideas and forms that the student has considered.

4. It is essential that you consider each of these examples of student writing in light

of the constraints of the examination situation.

Under examination conditions, students produce first-draft writing. Given more time, students would be expected to produce papers of considerably improved quality, particularly in the dimensions of Presentation, Matters of Correctness, and Writing Skills.

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English Language Arts 30–2 January 2008 Writing Assignments January 2008

English Language Arts 30–2

Part A: Written Response Grade 12 Diploma Examination Description Time: 2½ hours. This examination was developed to be completed in 2½ hours; however, you may take an additional ½ hour to complete the examination. Plan your time carefully. Part A: Written Response contributes 50% of the total English Language Arts 30–2 Diploma Examination mark and consists of three assignments. • Assignment I:

Visual Reflection Value 10% of total examination mark

• Assignment II: Literary Exploration Value 25% of total examination mark

• Assignment III: Persuasive Writing in Context Value 15% of total examination mark

Do not write your name anywhere in this booklet. Feel free to make corrections and revisions directly on your written work.

Instructions • Complete all three assignments. • You may use the following print

references: –an English and/or bilingual dictionary –a thesaurus –an authorized writing handbook

• Space is provided in this booklet for planning and for your written work.

• Use blue or black ink for your written

work. Additional Instructions for Students Using Word Processors • Format your work using an easy-to-read

12-point or larger font such as Times. • Double-space your final copy. • Staple your final printed work to the

pages indicated for word-processed work for each assignment. Hand in all work.

• Indicate in the space provided on the back

cover that you have attached word-processed pages.

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ASSIGNMENT I: VISUAL REFLECTION Suggested time: 30 to 40 minutes A nine-year-old child stands in her home in a slum.

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ASSIGNMENT I: VISUAL REFLECTION Examine the photograph on page 2. Reflect upon the ideas and impressions suggested by the photograph. . The Assignment In your writing, you may respond personally, critically, and/or creatively. You must • select a prose form that is appropriate to the ideas you wish to express and that will

enable you to effectively communicate to the reader • consider how you can create a strong unifying effect

Initial Planning

Additional space for planning is available in the examination booklet.

What ideas and impressions do the photograph suggest to you? Consider the context, and develop your response by referring to the photograph.

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ASSIGNMENT II: LITERARY EXPLORATION Suggested time: 70 to 80 minutes Read the following excerpt from a novel and complete the assignment that follows. After all hope of rescue is gone, the survivors of an airplane crash in the Libyan desert attempt to build a new airplane from the wreckage before their water runs out. Moran is the first officer, and Towns is the pilot.

from THE FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX

It was a long time before the first man spoke. Moran. ‘She looks like an aeroplane.’ The rising light defined the new shape that had been fashioned in the night, and they

were awed by its presence; because this machine might one day be capable of ferrying them from this world to the other: from this world of sand, thirst and death to the world of green trees, streams and loved faces. This machine had the power of bestowing on them another thirty, fifty years of life. They could, a year from today, be represented by a heap of bleached bones in this lost place, forgotten even by the vultures that had fed on them; or they could be found in the other world, watching a cricket match under the shady chestnuts, a glass of beer in their hand. This machine, alone, could cross the only true frontier known to man and carry them with it. In whatever way these thoughts came to them individually, their meaning was the same. Here was hope of life.

‘She looks like an aeroplane,’ Moran said again. . . . The wing had been bolted home and winched level with the other, and a rigging-wire

was taut1 between the two, passing across the engine nacelle where the king-post would go—and the shape was of an aeroplane: two spread wings and a three-bladed prop. They could see it as an entity, standing apart from the wrecked hull and starboard boom. Yesterday Towns had seen only a pile of wreckage made even more shapeless by the wing they had removed and hauled across the top of the hull; now there was the wreckage, and there was the aeroplane. He could not have put into words what he felt; it was the feeling that a pilot has in him when his plane is motionless at the beginning of the runway and the tower clears him for take-off. The heart is airborne before the aeroplane.

Elleston Trevor 1taut—tight Trevor, Elleston. The Flight of the Phoenix. London: Heinemann, 1970. Reproduced with permission from the Spectrum Literary Agency. Copyright © 1964 by Elleston Trevor. Available in paperback from HarperCollins.

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The Assignment In this excerpt, the author describes how, even in the most desperate of circumstances, people need something that gives them hope because hope offers the possibility of survival. . You must • discuss a character from literature or film that you have studied in English Language

Arts 30–2. You may choose to discuss more than one character • ensure the details you select support your opinion of the idea that hope is an important

quality • present your ideas in prose You should • reflect upon your own knowledge and/or experience and/or the reading selection

provided • use the Personal Reflection on Choice of Character(s) from Literary Text(s)

(see page 8) to help you select a character who is relevant to this assignment and interesting to you from the short stories, novels, plays, poetry, nonfiction, or films that you have studied in English Language Arts 30–2

• carefully consider your controlling idea or how you will create a strong unifying

effect in your response. Organize your discussion so that your ideas are clearly and effectively presented

What is your opinion of the idea that hope is an important quality?

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Assignment II: Literary Exploration

Initial Planning Please use this space for your initial planning. This information assists markers in identifying the text(s) and character(s) you have chosen. The markers who read your composition will be very familiar with the literary texts you have chosen. Literary Text(s) ______________________________________________________ Author(s) ______________________________________________________ Character(s) ______________________________________________________ Personal Reflection on Choice of Character(s) from Literary Text(s) Suggested time: 10 minutes Briefly explain why you chose this character to develop your opinion of the idea that hope is an important quality. Markers will consider the information you provide here when determining the effectiveness of your response. Additional space for planning is available in the examination booklet.

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ASSIGNMENT III: PERSUASIVE WRITING IN CONTEXT Suggested time: 40 to 50 minutes Read the situation described below and use it to complete the assignment that follows. The Situation Campus Canada, a Canadian broadcasting company, has proposed a new reality-TV show entitled Most Likely To Succeed and has selected Prosper High School to be featured on the program. This seven-week program will feature 10 students, five males and five females, as they reveal the life of typical Grade 12 students. Supporters of the proposal cite the many benefits to the school and to the students, particularly those chosen for the show. Those opposed have concerns ranging from the major disruptions in the school year to the potential for emotional distress for all students. In deciding whether to accept the proposal, the Prosper School Board has invited concerned individuals to make their views known. You are Jan Freeland, a Grade 12 student at Prosper High School. You have considered information and opinions from a variety of sources (see pages 22 and 23). After considering the advantages and disadvantages of the proposal, you have reached a decision. You now need to write a persuasive letter that clearly explains

• your decision on whether the school should participate in the reality-TV show • the reasons why you believe your decision to be the best decision

The Assignment In preparing your letter, BE SURE TO

• consider your purpose and audience • study the information on the following pages • use an appropriate tone

Remember that you must clearly and directly choose either to accept or reject the proposed development. You might want to reflect on your own knowledge and/or experience.

Write a letter that will persuade the Prosper School Board either to ACCEPT or REJECT the proposal to participate in the reality-TV show.

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What is the proposal to participate in the reality-TV show? In the first week, a panel of judges chosen by the producers of the show will select 10 students from the Grade 12 class based on the students’ public speaking abilities, their grades, their talents, and their involvement in school and community activities. In the second to sixth weeks, students will be filmed during various daily activities, with special emphasis being placed on those qualities and activities each student feels are most likely to make him or her successful in life. The producers will create daily surprise scenarios to test the abilities and character of the contestants. In the seventh week, the edited shows will be shown to the entire student body, which will then vote on which male student and which female student are “most likely to succeed.” The winners will each receive $20 000 toward post-secondary pursuits, and the runners-up will each receive $2 000. Statement from the producers of Most Likely To Succeed Even though this show will have only two big winners, no one will lose. As we film our contestants in their daily activities, all students will see the assets of their school and possibly see themselves on national television. The school will gain upgraded air conditioning, electrical systems, and a renovated cafeteria and gymnasium, all of which are required for our filming. In addition, the school will gain national acclaim for its excellent offerings for students who are on the way to being the best they can be. Statement from the president of the Prosper High School Council Our Grade 12 students are busy enough without being distracted for nearly two months from their primary task of successfully completing their Grade 12 studies. And we all know that the distraction created by this show will detract from other important school activities and constitute a major invasion of privacy. This show also emphasizes the worst form of competition. Along with the very real potential for disappointment and envy, the emotional stress of auditioning, competing, and gossiping seem to preclude anyone from being the best they can be.

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Opinions on the proposal to participate in the reality-TV show I vividly recall going with a friend to Calgary to audition for Canadian Idol. The trip consisted of two awful days of exhausting line-ups, and rude and humiliating commentary. I guess we learned that we weren’t as good as we thought we were, which I suppose was, ultimately, good for us. But do we want that sort of demoralizing experience for almost an entire Grade 12 class? I think not. They can be “the best they can be” simply by continuing to do their best. Cody Dempster, student teacher, music

I think this is a wonderful opportunity for our young people to test their mettle, so to speak. After all, they’ll be going out into the real world next year and could use this experience to get a taste of both self-preservation and self-presentation. I intend to encourage my twins to audition. Even if I weren’t their parent, I’d have to acknowledge their many fine accomplishments in academics, athletics, music, and volunteerism. They have been successful so far, and I know that they will continue to be. Edwina Hanford, parent

I enjoy watching some reality-TV shows and can get really involved in the contestants’ lives. In fact, sometimes I imagine I am them or imagine what I might do if I were in their position. This kind of freaks me out. Like the point that came up in ELA while we were watching an episode of Survivor—does our society know what reality is? Is reality real? So will this pilot be real reality? I’d say I’m against the proposal. With my part-time job, I don’t have time to be one of the contestants and I don’t want to watch my friends being mean to each other.

Grady Bjornson, Grade 12 student When I was in high school, I was voted “Student Most Likely To Succeed” by my classmates. While some people deemed it to be simply a popularity contest, I have used my title throughout my life to remind myself that I, too, had high expectations for myself. I think all our young people could benefit from the same vision. The school can use this opportunity to act toward achieving major goals for education; for example, exploring strategies for lifelong learning and inspiring students to think outside the box. Desta Tolstoy, psychiatrist

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If you are using a word processor, staple your Assignment III finished work here. You may make corrections directly on your printed page(s).

Assignment III: Persuasive Writing in Context

Written Work

January 15, 2008 Prosper School Board 1864 Reliant Blvd. Prosper AB T1F 1A1 Dear Members of Prosper School Board:

Additional space is available in the examination booklet.

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English Language Arts 30–2 Part A: Written Response Standards Confirmation

Background For all diploma examination scoring sessions, Learner Assessment staff use a process called Standards Confirmation to establish and illustrate expectations for students’ work in relation to the scoring criteria, as well as to ensure scoring consistency within and between marking sessions. Because there are several diploma examination administrations and scoring sessions each school year, the standards must remain consistent for each scoring session in the school year and, similarly, from year to year. Standards for student achievement start with the demands of the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts and with the interpretation of those demands through learning resources and classroom instruction. These agreed-upon standards are also exemplified in the kinds of tasks and the degree of independence expected of students. All of these complex applications of standards precede the design, development, and scoring of each diploma examination. The Standards Confirmation Committee comprises experienced teachers from representative regions of the province. These teachers work with the Learner Assessment staff responsible for the development, scoring, and results-reporting for each diploma examination. Teacher-members participate over a two-year period and are required to serve as group leaders or markers during at least one of the subsequent marking sessions. There are two essential parts to applying standards at the point of examination scoring: the expectations embedded in the scoring criteria and the examples of students’ work that illustrate the scoring criteria within each scoring category. The scoring categories and scoring criteria are available to teachers and students via the 2007–2008 English Language Arts 30–2 Information Bulletin. During each of the January and June marking sessions, example papers selected by members of the Standards Confirmation Committee are used to train markers. Subsequent to each marking session, the example papers that received scores of Satisfactory (S), Proficient (Pf), and Excellent (E) are posted on the Alberta Education website at www.education.gov.ab.ca in the documents entitled Examples of the Standards for Students’ Writing. The standards confirmation process

• confirms the appropriateness of the standards set by the examination in relation to students’ work

• selects student responses that clearly illustrate the standards in the scoring categories and the scoring criteria to be used when training markers

• writes rationales that explain and support the selection of sample papers in terms of the scoring categories, scoring criteria, and students’ work

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Impressions of Standards Confirmers January 2008

Assignment I: Visual Reflection The photograph of the nine-year-old girl elicited strong writing from students, including a variety of creative narrative responses. Many students developed “global” ideas that included discussions of the plight of people in developing countries, the economic disparity that exists between North America and parts of Asia, and the harsh realities that many children face in the “modern” world. Written work included discussions of the physical reality experienced by the girl in the photograph, a reality that was often contrasted with the student’s own. Students also frequently identified the responsibility that people in developed countries have to people in the developing world and the necessity of using our good fortune to help others. Some students observed that, despite her humble surroundings, the girl had created a home and seemed to be healthy and happy. Such responses often included discussion of ideas such as the human will to survive and thrive in a diverse range of physical and economic environments. Students’ determination of the geographical locale of the photograph varied with references, for example, to “suffering cold temperatures.” Such observations did not affect the quality of the responses. Assignment II: Literary Exploration The reading selection from Elleston Trevor’s The Flight of the Phoenix proved accessible, and the writing assignment addressing the importance of hope proved engaging for student writers. Students discussed their ideas on the topic in relation to personal observations, their own experiences, and literature and film studied in ELA 30–2. Unifying effects were varied: some students chose to focus primarily on the literature, while others developed responses that focused on the significance of hope in the lives of individuals and related it to personal experience and to characters from literature or film. In addition, many students explored the converse of the topic to develop ideas that focused on the consequences of a lack of hope (or of hopelessness). Markers were reminded that the focus of this assignment is on the idea that the student develops in relation to the topic and on how effectively the student explores and supports this idea. While the literary example is essential, it is only one component of the response as a whole. Because literary examples are often brief and tightly focused on a particular situation or character, markers were reminded to read the information provided by students in the Personal Reflection on Choice of Character(s) from Literary Text(s) and to ensure that they were familiar with the literature or films chosen. Popular literary selections included Fallen Angels, A Streetcar Named Desire, Night, Tuesdays with Morrie, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (both the novel and the play), and The Bean Trees. Students also used films such as Coach Carter, The Shawshank Redemption, Finding Forrester, Brokedown Palace, and The Pianist.

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Assignment III: Persuasive Writing in Context The reality TV show Most Likely to Succeed received mixed reviews from student critics. Students chose to either accept or reject staging the show at Prosper High and provided a variety of details in support of their position. Students drew key details from the source material and occasionally supplemented their arguments with references to their own personal observations and experiences. Many students discussed the questionable wisdom of subjecting already busy Grade 12 students to months of disruption that would potentially compromise their ability to gain access to post-secondary education. Others responded strongly to the spectre of public humiliation and unhealthy competition. Students who supported the proposal frequently identified the benefits of such a process, including the opportunity that students would have to showcase their talents. Others felt that the competitive environment created would better prepare students for the challenge of the “real world.” Some students also chose to acknowledge and refute positions from the opposing side. Most students were well aware of their purpose in persuading the Prosper School Board and maintained an appropriate tone.

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Examples of Students’ Writing with Teachers’ Commentaries English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

(Page 1 of 2)

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English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

(Page 2 of 2)

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English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Ideas and Impressions (S) • The student’s perceptions

are appropriate but may be generalized.

• Support is adequate and

generally connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

The student’s perceptions that “this girl has a very low standard of life,” and that the government and citizens “could help out” are appropriate but general. Support is adequate and generally connected: “She is living in the slums,” “She is dirty,” “Many people go without food and shelter and that could all change if the Government cut back on the war’s and put money into helping the poor,” and “people could help out by making small donations.”

S

Presentation (S) • The student’s voice is

matter-of-fact and the tone is appropriate.

• Stylistic choices are

adequate and occasionally effective.

• The writing is generally

clearly developed, and the unifying effect is appropriately sustained.

The student’s voice is matter-of-fact, as in “This nine year old girl is living in poverty,” “Millions of dollars are spent on warfare,” and “I would want help from those willing to help me out.” The tone is appropriate. Stylistic choices are adequate and occasionally effective, as in “The home she is living in is very messy, filthy and dirty” and “Bombs, bullets and death machines are created instead of helping poor, starving young children.” The writing is generally clearly developed from the initial observations about the girl’s “very low standard of life,” through the discussion of the government’s poor spending choices, and the individual’s responsibility to assist the homeless. The unifying effect is appropriately sustained.

S

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English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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(Page 2 of 2)

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English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE

Ideas and Impressions (Pf) • The student’s perceptions

are thoughtful and considered.

• Support is relevant, detailed,

and clearly connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

The student’s perception that “There are many people in the world that have everything and still find emptiness, and in contrast there are many people who have barely anything and are grateful” is thoughtful and considered. Support is relevant, detailed, and clearly connected to the student’s ideas and impressions: “The walls are decorated and although the small area is cluttered, it is tidy,” “There are many people that I know who have huge houses and they never use all the space,” “They’ll have paintings on the wall of what is widely accepted as ‘good art,’” and “a Nokia bag is hung on the wall because its not considered worthless by the girl.”

Pf

Presentation (Pf) • The student’s voice is

distinct and the tone is well considered.

• Stylistic choices are specific

and frequently effective. • The writing is coherently

developed, and the unifying effect is capably sustained.

The student’s voice is distinct and the tone is well considered, as in “But who am I to assume that this girl isn’t as happy as the rest of us?” and “Both the have’s and the have-not’s are people, we have cultures and beliefs, the only things that seperate us are our possessions and outlook on life.” Stylistic choices—“they would never admit to having bought something at a second hand store,” “Is a cell phone or computer absolutely necessary for a good life?” and “This girl has almost nothing expensive or impressive but we can see that she still values what she has”—are specific and frequently effective. The writing is coherently developed, and the unifying effect is capably sustained.

Pf

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English Language Arts 30–2 Visual Reflection Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Excellent (E)

(Page 1 of 2)

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(Page 2 of 2)

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Ideas and Impressions (E) • The student’s perceptions

are insightful and carefully considered.

• Support is precise,

purposefully chosen, and strongly connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

The student’s perception that “The part that we don’t think about is that the same people we saw that day don’t have a home or family to turn to after a rough day” is insightful and carefully considered. Support, as in “We all know that there will always be a meal on the table, family members to talk to, and a warm bed inviting you to sleep in” and “Imagine yourself living as they are, not having a shirt to stain, not having water to drink or to bathe in, and not having a meal for days,” is precise, purposefully chosen, and strongly connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

E

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Presentation (E) • The student’s voice is

engaging and the tone is confident.

• Stylistic choices are

precise and effective. • The writing is skillfully

developed, and the unifying effect is confidently sustained.

The student’s voice is engaging (“Not a day goes by that we don’t see someone who is forced to live their life in complete destitution”) and the tone is confident (“The people who help others are aware that poverty will never diminish, but that if we all contribute to helping people, we can make someone’s day a little brighter”). Stylistic choices, such as “we notice someone crying out for help and we don’t even give them a second glance,” “constantly cast aside,” and “The next time we stain our brand new shirt, or step in a puddle, or even skip lunch because we don’t have the time, stop and imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes,” are precise and effective. The writing is skillfully developed, and the unifying effect is confidently sustained from the assertion that “We are constantly reminded of how we take what we have for granted, yet we forget that there are people out there who are worse off than us” to the concluding statement that “Although we can never actually prevent his issue, we can all do our part in helping someone who really needs it and make a difference in society.”

E

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English Language Arts 30–2 Literary Exploration Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

This example (page 26) is unavailable for posting.

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English Language Arts 30–2 Literary Exploration Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

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Thought and Support (Pf) • A well-considered

understanding of the topic is demonstrated.

• The student’s ideas are

thoughtfully explored. • The literary example is

related competently to the student’s ideas.

• Support is specific and

relevant.

A well-considered understanding of the topic is demonstrated through the student’s exploration of the many dimensions of hope and its ability to “play out all your dreams.” The student’s ideas are thoughtfully explored in the discussion that hope is an “excellent way to dream and to imagine something great happening,” that “hope can change someone’s life” and that “Every single person walking this earth has millions of hopes and dreams.” The exploration of The Kite Runner and Amir’s “hope that one day he will be accepted” as his father’s son is related competently to the student’s ideas. Support, such as “one day I can look out of my living room window and see a beautiful lake with white swans,” Amir’s “glorious day” when his father told him “the exact words Amir had desired to hear all of his life” and the description of hopes that “vary with every person” is specific and relevant.

Pf

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Form and Structure (Pf) • A controlling idea or

unifying effect is sustained throughout the response.

• Development of ideas and

explanations is coherent. • The response moves to an

appropriate closure.

The controlling idea that “Hopes come in every shape and size” is sustained throughout the response. Development of ideas is coherent through the student’s discussions of the value of hope in an individual’s life, the joy of hope in The Kite Runner and the diversity of hope in the lives of “Millions of people.” The response moves to an appropriate closure in the student’s summation that you have to “put in your all to make sure that some day that dream will come true and you can look back and say, ‘I made that hope into a reality.’”

Pf

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Matters of Choice (Pf) • Diction is specific and

generally effective. • Many sentences appear to

have been purposefully structured for effect.

• Stylistic choices contribute

to the creation of a competent voice.

Diction, such as “upbeat,” “strive profusely,” “betray his feelings,” and “amazing wonders,” is specific and generally effective. Sentences, such as “That is a dream that might come true, one day, if I have hope” and “A little girl might hope that on Christmas morning, she will get a pink Barbie convertible for her new doll, while on the other side of the world, an old, wise scientist might be hoping for a cloudy, rainy day tomorrow so he can finish his last experiment before his retirement” have been purposefully structured for effect. Stylistic choices, such as “open arms and heavy praise,” “vary with every person,” and “Many hopes and dreams have been crushed,” contribute to the creation of a competent voice.

Pf

Matters of Correctness (Pf) • This writing demonstrates

competent control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

• Minor errors in mechanics,

grammar, and/or complex language structures are understandable considering the circumstances.

The writing demonstrates competent control of correct sentence construction (“If a person has hope in their life, then nothing is stopping them from doing everything they ever wanted to do”), usage (“an effect”), grammar (“father’s approval”), and mechanics. Minor errors in mechanics, grammar, and complex language structures are understandable considering the circumstances.

Pf

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English Language Arts 30–2 Literary Exploration Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Excellent (E)

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Thought and Support (E) • An insightful

understanding of the topic is demonstrated.

• The student’s ideas are

perceptively explored. • The literary example is

related effectively to the student’s ideas.

• Support is precise and

effective.

An insightful understanding of the topic is demonstrated through the exploration of the idea that “Individuals in this world can overcome challenges and trials in their own lives when they can have hope and faith to guide them.” The student’s ideas are perceptively explored through the discussion of Moran and Towns’s trust in hope as a “means of escape from a barren wasteland,” Elie’s reliance on “hope and patience which eventually led to his freedom and rescue,” and the student’s own confidence in “hope for my parents and me.” The literary example is related effectively to the student’s ideas through such statements as “True faith and hope are tested by time and patience” and “Survival came to him because he held on to a hope that help would come.” The student’s support is precise and effective in the acknowledgement, “‘The heart is airborne before the aeroplane’”; in the recognition, “In order to create a successful result there must be a hope that it can be accomplished”; and in the assertion, “Though my parents may never love each other the way they once did, I still have a hope and the faith that everything will work out for them in the end. I know that my relationship with them will always be the same and that their love for me will never change.”

E

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Form and Structure (E) • A focused controlling idea

or unifying effect is skillfully sustained throughout the response.

• Development of ideas and

explanations is smooth and coherent.

• The response flows to an

effective closure.

A focused controlling idea is skillfully sustained throughout the student’s discussion of The Flight of the Phoenix, Night, and personal experience. The development of ideas and explanations—“Before anything can be done there must be a hope,” “Without this quality of hope he surely would not have survived the concentration camps and lived the rest of his life in peace,” and “This hope is one of the greatest attributes to my character which will encourage a successful future”—is smooth and coherent. The response flows to an effective closure.

E

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Matters of Choice (E) • Diction is precise and

effective. • Many sentences have been

successfully structured for effect and are sometimes polished.

• Stylistic choices contribute

to the creation of a convincing voice.

Diction, as in “desperate and challenging circumstances,” “barren wasteland,” and “extinguished and abused,” is precise and effective.

Many sentences have been successfully structured for effect (“In today’s society there are always challenges and barriers that people face and must overcome with two things, which are hope and faith,” “The people who were being persecuted were not only faced with death but with the unyielding tortures of concentration camp life,” and “When there is no hope, it is less likely that people will find a peace within their lives”) and are sometimes polished (“This does not devour their hopes of freedom”). Stylistic choices contribute to the creation of a convincing voice.

E

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Matters of Correctness (E) • This writing demonstrates

confident control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

• The relative absence of

error is impressive considering the complexity of the response and the circumstances.

This writing demonstrates confident control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics. The relative absence of error is impressive considering the complexity of the response and the circumstances.

E

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English Language Arts 30–2 Persuasive Writing in Context Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Satisfactory (S)

(Page 1 of 2)

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(Page 2 of 2)

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORESThought and Support (S) • A sufficient but generalized

understanding of the issue is demonstrated.

• The student’s arguments

are appropriate and straightforward.

• Support is relevant but

general, and may be occasionally lacking in persuasiveness and consistency.

• Awareness of audience is

generally sustained.

A sufficient but generalized understanding of the issue is demonstrated in “As you can tell I think that this reality show would be a very bad idea.” The student’s arguments (“Although this show may increase students confidence and make them work harder for what they want, can you imagine how it would make other students feel who don’t make it on the show” and “do you think that grade twelve students really have time for a reality-TV show”) are appropriate and straightforward. Support is relevant but general: “it could cause some serious emotional problems,” “They should be focussing on their studies and getting ready for their diplomas so that they can graduate,” and “It would take so much time away from the students and make other students feel lower.” Awareness of audience is generally sustained.

S

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Writing Skills (S) • The selection and use of

words and structures are occasionally effective.

• This writing demonstrates

basic control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

The selection and use of words and structures are occasionally effective: “I have considered everyones opinions and now I would like to give mine” and “I would like to thank you for taking the time and consideration to read my opinion.” This writing demonstrates basic control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

S

53

English Language Arts 30–2 Persuasive Writing in Context Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Proficient (Pf)

(Page 1 of 1)

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Thought and Support (Pf) • A thoughtful and

competent understanding of the issue is demonstrated.


are well considered and sound.

• Support is accurate and

occasionally purposefully chosen to reinforce the student’s ideas in a logical and clear way.

• Awareness of audience is

sustained.

A thoughtful and competent understanding of the issue is demonstrated by the student’s acceptance of the proposal based on what will be gained by the school population through its participation in the reality-TV show. The student’s arguments are well considered and sound: “our school will benefit from the new renovations,” “this proposal will make parents realize how much work grade 12 students really do nowadays,” “students may have more incentive to do their homework and studying,” and “having this show will help fund there post secondary education.” Support is accurate and occasionally purposefully chosen: “the school is getting a little bit run down,” “the school board will not be paying for any of the new renovations and I believe that it will also increase student morale,” “parents would be more understanding towards what they go through at school,” “the grade point average of the school would go up dramatically,” and “which is a huge benefit today since the price of tuition has risen dramatically.” Awareness of audience is sustained from “My name is Jan Freeland and I am a grade 12 student at Prosper High School” to “Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and considering the outcomes of this situation, and I hope the right decision will be made.”

Pf

55


SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Writing Skills (Pf) • The selection and use of

words and structures are frequently effective.


competent control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

The selection and use of words and structures are frequently effective: “to voice my opinion on the proposal,” “In order to get more supportive parents they ultimately must know what exactly their children are doing in school,” “and therefore could provide more funding,” and “since the price of tuition has risen dramatically.” This writing demonstrates competent control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

Pf

56

English Language Arts 30–2 Persuasive Writing in Context Assignment, January 2008 Example Scored Excellent (E)

(Page 1 of 2)

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(Page 2 of 2)

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Thought and Support (E) • A perceptive and thorough

understanding of the issue is demonstrated.


are adept and convincing. • Support is well defined and

purposefully chosen to reinforce the student’s ideas in a deliberate and judicious way.

• A precise awareness of

audience is effectively sustained.

A perceptive and thorough understanding of the issue is demonstrated through the student’s assertions that “It would just be to much of a distraction to the students, invade students privacy and could be potentially humiliating to the students/contestants involved.” The student’s arguments are adept and convincing, as in “I don’t think this is a good way to showcase our students or our school to the rest of the world,” “we don’t need cameras to show how great our students are,” and “If having the TV company paying for the renovations to the school gym, cafeteria, air conditioning and electrical systems is the main motive; you are truly considering doing this for the wrong reasons.” Support—“We can show off the abilities of our student athletes by the performance of out sports teams,” “The band can show what it has to offer in concerts,” “The great leadership of the students can be shown when we hold activity days,” “students would be trying to poke their face on the camera,” and “When the producers put $20,000 on the line things are going to get very competitive”—is well defined and purposefully chosen to reinforce the student’s ideas. A precise awareness of audience is effectively sustained throughout the response.

E

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SCORING CRITERIA RATIONALE SCORE Writing Skills (E) • The selection and use of

words and structures are effective.


confident control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

The selection and use of words (“showcase,” “potentially humiliating,” “students/contestants,” and “back-stab and manipulate”) and structures (“Most high schools have enough drama anyways,” “How can students write a test when all they can hear from the hallways is ‘And action…!?’” and “Is that a price you are willing to pay?”) are effective. The writing demonstrates confident control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

E

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Scoring Categories and Criteria

Ideas and Impressions (5% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 2.1 2.2 2.3 4.1

Scoring Categories and Scoring Criteria for 2007–2008 Assignment I: Visual Reflection When marking Ideas and Impressions, the marker should consider

• the quality of the ideas generated by the student to explore the visual text(s) and the impressions that the student has formed to reflect upon the visual text(s)

• the effectiveness and consistency of the support provided

Excellent (E) The student’s perceptions are insightful and carefully considered. Support is precise, purposefully chosen, and strongly connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

Proficient (Pf) The student’s perceptions are thoughtful and considered. Support is relevant, detailed, and clearly connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

Satisfactory (S) The student’s perceptions are appropriate but may be generalized. Support is adequate and generally connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

Limited (L) The student’s perceptions are superficial or ambiguous. Support is imprecise, unclear, and/or vaguely connected to the student’s ideas and impressions.

Poor (P) The student’s perceptions are underdeveloped or incomprehensible. Support is lacking, inappropriate, or unrelated to the student’s ideas and impressions.

Insufficient (INS)

• The marker can discern no evidence of an attempt to fulfill the assignment OR

• The writing is so deficient in length that it is not possible to assess Ideas and Impressions.

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Presentation (5% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 3.1 3.2 4.1 4.2

Scoring Categories and Scoring Criteria for 2007–2008 Assignment I: Visual Reflection (Continued) When marking Presentation, the marker should consider

• the effectiveness of voice and its appropriateness to the intended audience of the prose form that the student has chosen

• the quality of language and expression • the appropriateness of development and unifying effect to prose

form

Consider the proportion of error in terms of the complexity and length of the response.

Excellent (E)

The student’s voice is engaging and the tone is confident. Stylistic choices are precise and effective. The writing is skillfully developed, and the unifying effect is confidently sustained.

Proficient (Pf) The student’s voice is distinct and the tone is well considered. Stylistic choices are specific and frequently effective. The writing is coherently developed, and the unifying effect is capably sustained.

Satisfactory (S) The student’s voice is matter-of-fact and the tone is appropriate. Stylistic choices are adequate and occasionally effective. The writing is generally clearly developed, and the unifying effect is appropriately sustained.

Limited (L) The student’s voice is inconsistent and/or the tone

is inappropriate. Stylistic choices are inappropriate, imprecise, and often ineffective. The writing is unclearly or incoherently developed, and the unifying effect is not sustained.

Poor (P) The student’s voice is confused and/or there is no discernible attempt to address the intended audience. Stylistic choices are ineffective and/or impede communication. The writing is ineffectively developed, and/or a unifying effect is absent.

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Thought and Support (10% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 2.1 2.3 3.2 4.1 4.2

Scoring Categories and Scoring Criteria for 2007–2008 Assignment II: Literary Exploration

When marking Thought and Support, the marker should consider how effectively • the student’s ideas reflect an understanding of the topic • the literary example relates to the student’s ideas • the support explains and/or clarifies the response

Consider ideas presented in the Personal Reflection on Choice of Character(s) from Literary Text(s). Excellent (E)

An insightful understanding of the topic is demonstrated. The student’s ideas are perceptively explored. The literary example is related effectively to the student’s ideas. Support is precise and effective.

Proficient (Pf) A well-considered understanding of the topic is demonstrated. The student’s ideas are thoughtfully explored. The literary example is related competently to the student’s ideas. Support is specific and relevant.

Satisfactory (S) A defensible understanding of the topic is demonstrated. The student’s ideas are appropriately and straightforwardly explored. The literary example is related adequately to the student’s ideas. Support is relevant but tends to be general.

Limited (L) An understanding of the topic may be evident but is only partially demonstrated or is not always defensible or sustained. The student’s ideas may be incompletely or unclearly explored. The literary example is lacking or does not relate adequately to the student’s ideas. Support may be deficient, vague, redundant, or marginally relevant.

Poor (P) An implausible conjecture concerning the topic may be suggested. The student’s ideas, if present, are irrelevant, incomprehensible, or unexplored. The literary example is absent or unrelated to the student’s ideas. Support, if present, is overgeneralized or of questionable relevance.

Because students’ responses to the Literary Exploration Assignment vary widely—from philosophical discussions to personal narratives to creative approaches—assessment of the Literary Exploration Assignment on the diploma examination will be in the context of Louise Rosenblatt’s suggestion: … the evaluation of the answers would be in terms of the amount of evidence that the youngster has actually read something and thought about it, not a question of whether, necessarily, he has thought about it the way an adult would, or given an adult’s “correct” answer. Rosenblatt, Louise. “The Reader’s Contribution in the Literary Experience: Interview with Louise Rosenblatt.” By Lionel Wilson. English Quarterly 14, no.1 (Spring, 1981): 3–12.

Insufficient (INS)


• The writing is so deficient in length that it is not possible to assess Thought and Support.

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Form and Structure (5% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 2.2 3.1 4.1 4.2

Scoring Categories and Scoring Criteria for 2007–2008 Assignment II: Literary Exploration (Continued)

When marking Form and Structure, the marker should consider how effectively the student’s organizational choices result in

• the development and maintenance of a controlling idea or unifying effect

• the creation of a coherent, shaped, and concluded discussion in response to the assignment

Excellent (E)

A focused controlling idea or unifying effect is skillfully sustained throughout the response. Development of ideas and explanations is smooth and coherent. The response flows to an effective closure.

Proficient (Pf) A controlling idea or unifying effect is sustained throughout the response. Development of ideas and explanations is coherent. The response moves to an appropriate closure.

Satisfactory (S) A controlling idea or unifying effect is evident, but unity may falter on occasion. Development of ideas and explanations is generally clear and coherent. The response moves to a functional closure.

Limited (L) A controlling idea or unifying effect may be evident, but the response lacks unity. Development of ideas and explanations is uncertain, inadequate, or incoherent. The response may not arrive at an appropriate closure.

Poor (P) A controlling idea or unifying effect is absent. Development of ideas and explanations is unclear and ineffective. The response closes ineffectively.

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Matters of Choice (5% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 4.2


When marking Matters of Choice, the marker should consider how effectively the student’s choices enhance communication. The marker should consider

• diction, including connotative language, imagery, idiomatic expressions, and dialect

• syntax, including such choices as parallelism, balance, inversion, sentence length, and variety

• the contribution of stylistic choices to the creation of voice

Excellent (E)

Diction is precise and effective. Many sentences have been successfully structured for effect and are sometimes polished. Stylistic choices contribute to the creation of a convincing voice.

Proficient (Pf) Diction is specific and generally effective. Many sentences appear to have been purposefully structured for effect. Stylistic choices contribute to the creation of a competent voice.

Satisfactory (S) Diction is appropriate but may be general rather

than specific. Sentence structures are generally straightforward and clear. Stylistic choices contribute to the creation of a clear voice.

Limited (L) Diction is imprecise and/or inappropriate. Sentence structures are frequently ineffective and/or awkward. Inadequate stylistic choices contribute to the creation of an uncertain or unclear voice.

Poor (P) Diction is inaccurate and/or overgeneralized. Sentence structures are misused to such an extent that clarity suffers. A lack of stylistic choices contributes to the creation of an ineffective voice.

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Matters of Correctness (5% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 4.2


When marking Matters of Correctness, the marker should consider the correctness of

• sentence construction (completeness, consistency, subordination, coordination, predication)

• usage (accurate use of words according to convention and meaning) • grammar (subject-verb/pronoun-antecedent agreement, pronoun

reference, consistency of tense) • mechanics (punctuation, spelling, capitalization) Consider the proportion of error in terms of the complexity and length of the response.

Excellent (E)

This writing demonstrates confident control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics. The relative absence of error is impressive considering the complexity of the response and the circumstances.

Proficient (Pf) This writing demonstrates competent control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics. Minor errors in mechanics, grammar, and/or complex language structures are understandable considering the circumstances.

Satisfactory (S) This writing demonstrates control of the basics of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics. There may be occasional lapses in control of sentence construction and usage, and/or minor errors in grammar and mechanics. The communication, however, is clear.

Limited (L) This writing demonstrates faltering control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics. The range of sentence construction problems and errors in usage, grammar, and/or mechanics blur the clarity of communication.

Poor (P) This writing demonstrates lack of control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics. The unclear and incorrect sentence constructions and jarring errors in usage, grammar, and mechanics impede communication.

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Scoring Categories and Scoring Criteria for 2007–2008 Assignment III:

Thought and Support (10% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 2.1 2.2 2.3 4.1 4.2

Persuasive Writing in Context

When marking Thought and Support, the marker should consider • how effectively the student has addressed the significance and

complexity of the issue • the persuasiveness and consistency of the argument(s) presented • how well the supporting evidence is integrated, synthesized, and/or

developed to support the student’s arguments • awareness of audience and effectiveness of voice

Excellent (E) A perceptive and thorough understanding of the issue is demonstrated. The student’s arguments are adept and convincing. Support is well defined and purposefully chosen to reinforce the student’s ideas in a deliberate and judicious way. A precise awareness of audience is effectively sustained.

Proficient (Pf) A thoughtful and competent understanding of the issue is demonstrated. The student’s arguments are well considered and sound. Support is accurate and occasionally purposefully chosen to reinforce the student’s ideas in a logical and clear way. Awareness of audience is sustained.

Satisfactory (S) A sufficient but generalized understanding of the issue is demonstrated. The student’s arguments are appropriate and straightforward. Support is relevant but general, and may be occasionally lacking in persuasiveness and consistency. Awareness of audience is generally sustained.

Limited (L) An incomplete, vague, or confused understanding of the issue is demonstrated. The student’s arguments are oversimplified and/or inconsistent. Support is superficial, unclear, contradictory, inappropriate, or merely a restatement of what is provided in the examination. Awareness of audience may be apparent but is not sustained.

Poor (P) An inaccurate or minimal understanding of the issue is demonstrated. The student’s arguments are of questionable logic or are unrelated to the issue under discussion. Support is irrelevant, overgeneralized, or lacking. Little awareness of audience is apparent.

Insufficient (INS)


• The writing is so deficient in length that it is not possible to assess Thought and Support.

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Writing Skills (5% of total examination mark) Cross-reference to the Program of Studies for Senior High School English Language Arts 4.2

Scoring Categories and Scoring Criteria for 2007–2008 Assignment III: Persuasive Writing in Context (Continued)

When marking Writing Skills, the marker should consider the extent to which the writing demonstrates control of • syntax • diction • grammar • mechanics Consider the proportion of error in terms of the complexity and length of the response.

Excellent (E)

The selection and use of words and structures are effective. This writing demonstrates confident control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

Proficient (Pf) The selection and use of words and structures are frequently effective. This writing demonstrates competent control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

Satisfactory (S) The selection and use of words and structures are

occasionally effective. This writing demonstrates basic control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

Limited (L) The selection and use of words and structures are frequently ineffective. This writing demonstrates faltering control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

Poor (P) The selection and use of words and structures are ineffective. This writing demonstrates lack of control of correct sentence construction, usage, grammar, and mechanics.

01 Ela 30-2 Examples of Students Writing 08 Final for Web

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