‘TW Training Works’ for ADR & Dispute Resolution

Barcelona Presentation

‘Managing High Conflict & Emotion’

&‘The Power of Apology’

Tony Whatling M.Sc. CQSW MCOM

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Managing High Conflict – PP 1Conflict – PP 1

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Managing High Conflict – PP 1Conflict – PP 1

What the presentation will cover (1)What the presentation will cover (1)1.1. Some typical conflict definitionsSome typical conflict definitions2.2. ‘‘Life scripts’ & cultural ‘conflict Life scripts’ & cultural ‘conflict

ideologies’ideologies’3.3. Conflict as a positive forceConflict as a positive force4.4. Common human emotions & needs in Common human emotions & needs in

conflict conflict 5.5. Mediation practice - attitudes and Mediation practice - attitudes and

responses to conflictresponses to conflict

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Managing High conflict PP 2 conflict PP 2

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Managing High conflict PP 2 conflict PP 2

What the presentation will cover (2)What the presentation will cover (2)1.1. Physiological responses to conflict - Physiological responses to conflict -

implications for mediationimplications for mediation

2.2. How to manage conflict in mediation How to manage conflict in mediation

3.3. ““How goes the pre-mediation – is how How goes the pre-mediation – is how goes the mediation”goes the mediation”

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Conflict PP3Managing High Conflict PP3

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Conflict PP3Managing High Conflict PP3

What the presentation will cover What the presentation will cover (3)(3)

1.1. Screening for safe mediation Screening for safe mediation practice – some useful questions and practice – some useful questions and techniquestechniques

2.2. Managing conflict in the joint Managing conflict in the joint meeting –some strategiesmeeting –some strategies

3.3. What to do if it gets to boiling pointWhat to do if it gets to boiling point

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Conflict PP 4Managing High Conflict PP 4

‘‘TW Training Works’TW Training Works’Managing High Conflict PP 4Managing High Conflict PP 4

Some typical conflict definitions:Some typical conflict definitions:1.1. ‘‘A struggle over values & claims to scarce resources, in which A struggle over values & claims to scarce resources, in which

the aim of the opponents is to neutralise, injure or eliminate the aim of the opponents is to neutralise, injure or eliminate their rivals’ (their rivals’ (Coser 1986)Coser 1986)

2.2. ‘‘A process that originates when one individual perceives that A process that originates when one individual perceives that another part has frustrated or is about to frustrate, some goal another part has frustrated or is about to frustrate, some goal or concern of his or hers’ or concern of his or hers’ (Thomas (1976)(Thomas (1976)

3.3. ‘‘Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards & interference from the other party in achieving their rewards & interference from the other party in achieving their goals’ (Bosisoff & Victor 1989)goals’ (Bosisoff & Victor 1989)

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‘Life scripts’ & cultural ‘conflict-ideologies’

1. We all develop personal ‘life-scripts’ about conflict

2. Conflict is universal3. Question is not whether conflict exists

but how it can be made constructive

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Some mediator assumptions about conflict1. conflict is inevitable

2. conflict creates energy - to move from one position to another and is part of a process of transition

3. conflict can bring about change 4. there is more potential for positive change

where there is anger than where there is the helplessness and hopelessness of depression

5. conflict is the ‘stock in trade’ of the mediator

we must therefore learn to respond to its signals

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Common human emotions & needs in conflict & disputes

1. What are some typical human emotions when engaged in conflict?

2. What are some common human needs when engaged in conflict?

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Mediator practice - attitudes and responses to conflict:

1. A historical perspective 2. ‘Western individualist problem solving

– settlement seeking ideology3. The impact of the ‘Haynesian’ legacy4. Steering into conflict & emotion – ‘if it

is not part of the solution it is part of the problem’

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Human physiological responses to conflict with implications for mediation.

1. Autonomic ‘Fight/Flight’ responses2. Lower brain reacts with adrenalin or

noradrenalin production3. Higher brain engages with more rational

capacity but may generate other hormones that feeds aself-reinforcing aggressive cycle

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How to manage (not control) conflict

1. Screening for safe mediation practice – some useful questions and techniques:

2. Uncovering clients self-awareness3. Pre-mediation 1-1 meeting – some

useful questions over and above domestic abuse screening questions

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Some useful questions 1. What do you imagine will happen if you

come to a joint session together?2. Knowing yourself as well as you do –

what might you do that will help the process?

3. Knowing yourself as well as you do what might you do to hinder the process?

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Some useful questions Continued1. Knowing the other as well as you do – what might

they do that will help the process?2. Knowing the other as well as you do what might they

do to hinder the process?3. What normally happens when you two disagree?4. What does a typical argument sound/look like/end?5. Does one of you always win or lose?6. How would I know if you or they were not feeling

safe?7. What sort of ground-rules do you think might be

needed to help it to stay constructive?

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Ways to manage conflict

1. The parties are responsible for their own dispute, their own conflict and their own behaviour

2. The mediator is responsible for managing the process and the environment in such a way as allows this to happen

3. We are responsible TO and not FOR

4. Most people want to settle a dispute and are willing to negotiate – it is a question of ‘how’ and ‘when’, not ‘whether’

5. Poor communication in disputes commonly leads to conflict. 6. If this is not managed it can lead to frustration and anger – the

conflict manages the process rather than the other way around

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Ways to manage conflict – Cont.

1. Use a calm, confident, jargon free mediator style

2. Make clear at the start the mediator manages process

3. Establishing ground rules – e.g. when one person speaks the others listen without interruption

4. Using core skills – attending, active listening, summarising, paraphrasing, understanding, acknowledging, clarifying

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15Ways to manage conflict – Cont.

1. Acknowledging strong feelings and positions whilst remaining impartial and non-judgemental

2. Reinforcing co-operative behaviour, highlighting common ground

3. Normalising conflict, assessing its value

4. Gaining attention. Calling time out

5. Requiring clients to be positively future focused

Interests:Needs:

Positions:

Moving from Position-led to Needs-led NegotiationsThe PIN Diagram – PP 16

Positions: