Understanding Your Teenager Presentation Power Point

#1 Problem Facing Teenagers Today

• Drugs• Alcohol• Pre-marital Sex• Self-abuse, cutting• Their lack of relationship with their parents

Do Any Of These Describe Your Situation

• Your teenager hasn’t initiated a conversation with you in weeks.

• They are embarrassed to be seen with you in public.

• They make a point to let you know how little your opinions & advice matter to them.

• You feel like instead of a parent, you simply function as a taxi driver, warden, landlord, and ATM.

Although they don’t act like it, your kids really do desire a better

relationship with you.

4 Hopes 4 Tonight

–Let you eavesdrop what I’m hearing your kids say–Attempt to give you a few

practical ways to have a better relationship with your teenager–Let you know you’re not alone–Give you a next step

S.O.SWritten by Ed Cash

Performed by Anna Grindstaff

& Christian Goudy

I've been blinded byInsecurity

All the pain I feelWill be the death of me

I'm surrounded byFear that won't let goIf there's a way out

Someone let me know

I'm Reaching outOne last plea

Is hope all gone?Somebody save me

S.O.S.I'm lost at sea

I've seen traces ofJoy that never endsSeems so far away

If it's even real

There must be more than thisChange me if it's true

If you are for realHelp me follow You

Why do I do the things I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do,

when all they do is hurt me (4x)

Twitter Tips#= Hashtag (Way of categorizing tweets or a way to say something ‘extra’ to end your tweet)

#SMH= Shaking My Head

>>>>= Greater Than (This is a very good thing)<<<<= Less Than (This sucks)

#Wake-n-Bake= Smoking weed before school

#FTP= F&*% the Police

Twitter Tips#WWF= Words With Friends (Scrabble phone game)

#420= National Pot Smoking Time

#Hookah= Device used for smoking flavored tobacco.

Warning: Vulgar language in these tweets…

The Tweets that were shown at the parenting seminar have been removed to protect the privacy of the kids who wrote them.

I am hoping to do a repeat session of the seminar in May where I will show the tweets again.

What Are Your Kids Saying?

• I desperately want a better relationship with you mom & dad, even when I don’t act like it.

• Your marriage affects me way more than you realize. More than anything, seriously, more than anything, I just want parents who really love one another.

• I’m stressed out and even though I act like I can handle everything, I can’t. That’s why I do stupid stuff to help me cope.

What’s Stressing Them?

• GRADES: pressure to please you, to get into the right college…so I cheat…and then hope don’t get caught.

• SPORTS: I’m at school sometimes 12 hrs/day and club sports take up even more time. I want to succeed to please you and others, but it’s just a lot on my plate.

• SPORTS: I’m at school sometimes 12 hrs/day and club sports take up even more time. I want to succeed to please you and others, but it’s just a lot on my plate. I’m exhausted.

• FRIENDS: It’s hard to find friends I can to trust. I feel so alone. Like no one understands me.

• MONEY: I hear you talk about it all the time and know it stresses you out, so it stresses me out. I don’t want to be a burden on you, but I want to fit in so badly!

• SECRETS: I’m carrying a heavy weight of secrets and guilt and want to tell you but I’m afraid of how you’ll respond.

• ROMANCE: Am I loveable? Desirable? Beautiful? Will someone want me?

I am afraid. I’m afraid of lots of things, like:– Biggest fear: Being Abandoned– You getting divorced– Me disappointing you, being a failure– Being alone– Getting caught– That this is the best it gets, and its not very good

• I don’t know who I am??? Someone please help me figure it out.

• I need SOMEONE to be real with me. Someone to tell me the truth about life.

• I need someone to LISTEN to me. Do you even hear me? Do you even know me?

• I need someone to pay attention to me, to CHASE me.

www.ChasingTeenagers.com

CHASE ME• Immodest clothes: “Chase me, tell me I’m

beautiful.”• Drugs: “Chase me, tell me another way to cope

with this pain and lonliness.”• Sports: “Chase me, tell me I’m worth

something.”• Cheating: “Chase me, tell me I’m not dumb.”• Piercing, Tats, Breaking Curfew: ”Chase me, tell

me why you care.”

CHASE ME“I want my kids, when they learn about their Heavenly Father, to know that a Father pursues, even when things are hard, that a Fathers won’t abandon their child.”

www.ChasingTeenagers.com

Recommended ReadingDownloadable ResourcesHelpful SitesCounselors

What Do They Need From You

• Remember Your Teenage Experience– Journals– Talk to your parents– Think about how rejection felt– Remember the weird confusing years of puberty – Did you want to go to church?

• Self-Awareness & Vulnerability– Your kids are very aware of your weaknesses, are

you?– What would happen if you admitted to them the

areas where you are weak, the times you have failed.

– Do you see any of your own weaknesses that have been passed down to your kids?• Quick temper• Insecurity, need for affirmation• Etc..

• Confession & Apology– What would happen if you humbled yourself and

confessed to your kids in areas where you have messed up.

– Have your kids ever heard you sincerely apologize?– Do they see you live a life of integrity? The same in

public as behind closed doors?– Model confession for them.– You want them to have a good relationship with you,

but how is your relationship with your parents?

• Consistency– Life is busy, but if its too busy to have 1 on 1 time

with your teenager each week, then something needs to go.

– Regular dates• Tuesday breakfast with dad• Nightly or morning fam time

• Traditions & Celebrations– Fam camping trip in fall– Summer vacation– Rites of Passage: 13, 16, Grad, Prom– Simeon’s Blessing– Making their b-day a big deal

• Not just celebrating accomplishments, but who they are.

– Special tradition at Christmas• Memory of feeding poor

• Learn To Love What They Love, • Be A Student of Your Teenager– Listen carefully, watch closely – Learn what they love, and participate in it, but still

give them space for it to be their thing• Ask them to teach you how to edit videos, shoot

photography• Ask them what their favorite song is and listen to it with

them• Mom, get your son to show you how to toss a Lax ball• Go running with your XC daughter

What Do They Need From You• Celebrate & Encourage Their Character, Not Just

Accomplishments– Do they know you’re proud of them even if Parent

Portal reveals bad grades?– Do they know you love them even if they miss the

winning shot?– Do they just hear you criticize them or…– Have they heard you praise their character when they

act wisely or kindly?– Do they know you believe in them?– Do you want them to be Great, or great at

something?

• To Hear You Say “I Love You”– When is the last time your child heard you tell

them those words– My dad’s note to me– Silence creates confusion– Write a note in their lunch, they’re not too old,

hide it tho.– Sit on their bed and tell them before you go to

sleep.– Say it often, explain why you love them

(The clip from Blood Diamond has been removed)

You have the power to speak blessing or curses to your children.

• For Home To Be A Haven– Do they see/hear you arguing with your spouse?– Do they know their friends are welcome there?– Do they know your family is a place where they

can be honest about their hurt and their tears are accepted and loved.

• You To Know Their Friends, Remember Their Friends’ Names, & Know Their Friends Parents– Is what is important to them, important to you?– Take notes on who is who if you need to– Teach them that ‘their friends determine the

quality and direction of their life.’

• Patience– We all make parenting mistakes. We can’t expect

17 years of teaching them one way to be reversed with one conversation & apology.

– If you have a sophomore in high school, you only have 114 weekends left with them before they go to college. Make them count, but be patient.

– My relationship with my parents/siblings didn’t get better until I was in my 20’s.

• Time > $– I constantly hear kids tell me that they’re parents

try to buy their happiness– If it means working less, and your kid not having a

new car, in order for you to spend more time with them, work less

– Put your phone down, turn the TV off, and take a walk with your kid. You won’t regret that.

• Care > Cure– “Don’t try to fix me, don’t try to solve my

problem, just love me, just listen to me.”– Dale House– Reflect back what they’re feeling, don’t try to

solve their problem.

• To Lead Them To Live A Better Story– Donald Miller– When is the last time your family has served

somewhere together?

• Respond Slowly, Especially In Times Of Crisis– Deliberate vs React– When they come home drunk– When they wreck the car– When they tell you their pregnant– When they get caught cheating

– How you respond in those moments will determine the direction of your relationship with your teenager.

• To Not Always Rescue Them– If they want to be treated like an adult, encourage

them to make decisions like an adult, give them consequences that adults in our society would get

– Ex: If you drink and drive- I take your keys. I’m not punishing you, that’s just how life works, trying to prepare you for adulthood

– Let them fail while they’re under your roof so it’s easier than when they’re on their own.

What Do They Need From You• To Give Them Natural Consequences– Difference in DISCIPLENE vs PUNISHMENT– Discipline- turns them away from danger– Slam the door: Door comes off– Don’t take your laundry down, do your own– Throw a party while we’re out of town, you get

grounded. We can’t trust you so we need to keep you under our roof until you re-earn our trust

– Break Driving Contract, lose keys

CLEAR EXPECTATIONS UP FRONT-Since you have chosen to …You have also chosen for us to…

-Privacy is a privilege not a right.

• To Realize The Difference in Normal Teenage Problems Versus Defiant Rebellion– Not getting out of bed– Not wanting to do chores– Putting off homework– Speeding ticket

– Attitude, Deception, Dangerous choices

• To Know Your On The Same Team– Avoid Defensive Position– I love you. For me to Win, is for you to win.

• For You To Pray For Them & With Them– When is the last time your kid heard you pray for

them?– When is the last time your family prayed

together?– Read God’s Word together?

Successful Parenting

• What does being a successful parent look like to you?

Your kid being successful? Or

you loving them well?

BUT…

YOU WILL FAIL

That’s why Good Friday & Easter are such a big deal

Teenagers, Sex & Technology

Teenagers & Technology

Teenagers have been abandoned by adults and forced to create their own world where they protect themselves from the dangers of the

adult world, that world they have created often happens Online.

Being a teenager today is WAY different than it was when you were a teenager.

Technology Tips

• Avoid extremes, if you have total control, it’s not teaching them to make wise decisions on their own. If they have total freedom, you’re setting them up for failure.

• Explain why you set these boundaries• Encourage critical thinking as to why and

what they post

• Digital history is permanent• Remind them it’s a privilege• Talk with them about what they think is

appropriate boundaries of when & how long

• Preset consequences for misuse so they know what to expect

• Constantly remind them WHY• Teach them to pause before hitting “send,

post, reply” once its done, its done

Technology Tips

Facebook- multiple profiles- specified posts

Twitter- multiple with different names, block users from following them

Technology Tips

• Check their internet/iPhone web history- see if its been cleared- tell them you’re going to do this to help hold them accountable, they’re smart and will use different browsers

• Share passwords as a guideline• Text messages can be deleted, voxer• Look at who they’re friends are

Sex & Technology• Cancel the Victoria Secret catalog• Stop justifying the garbage you watch on TV• Get Safe Eyes or X3 on your computer today• Stop letting your kids lay on the couch/under

the covers with their boyfriend/girlfriend, explain WHY.

• Talk to your kids about sex and masturbation…don’t let them figure it out on their own

Sexting Is Real & Prevalent

Parenting TeenagersDiscussion Group Leaders

• Jim & Alice Wolfe• Larry & Lynne Bost

Recommended Greensboro Counselors for teenagers/families

• Summer Estes• Bill McCarthy• Jayne Lessard• Mike Grubbs (Fridays only)• Restoration Place (women and girls over 13)

You can find their contact info on ChasingTeenagers.com

Understanding Your Teenager Presentation Power Point

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