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F R E EFebruary 2015The Most Unusual Digest in America
Two convenientlocations:
Great FallsFederal Credit Union
Restrictions & qualification apply
The Extra Money You’ve Been Looking For...
• Low Rates
• Low Payments
• Extended Terms
• One Hour Loans
IS HERE! We have the financing
for you!
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500
www.GreatFallsfcu.com
Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336
VP, Mortgage Banker
181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210
P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933
Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com
www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwellNMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537; Equal Housing Opportunity
Contact Debbie TODAY for all your mortgage needs!
See page 5 for our upcoming schedule!
Looking to BUY or SELL a HOME?Attend a FREE Home Buyer/Seller Education Class!
Voted Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s
Best Mortgage Company for 2014!
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST2015
Androscoggin ChamberPresident’s Award
Recipient
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 20152
“There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” — Zig Ziglar
I'm on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGESTRecipient of the 2015 PRESIDENT’S AWARD
UAD staff who attended the AwardsBanquet (l to r):
Tim Rucker (Sales), Pam Ashby (Graphic Designer),
Thomas Hill (Internet Specialist) & Jimbo Marston (Owner)
Proud tobe part
of whatmakes
Lewiston/Auburn
GREAT!“A local treasure! Uncle Andy’s Digest engages its readers and lubricates
the wheels of commerce.” – Chip Morrison, Chamber President
S-sir, I'm afraid you'vegone mad with power."
"Of course I have. Youever tried going madwithout power? It's bor-ing, and no one listensto you!
HomeworkPolicy
Submitted by Jimbo
Here is an explanationof the school home-work policy:
Students should notspend more than 90minutes per night. Thistime should be bud-geted in the followingmanner:
15 minutes looking forassignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
15 minutes explainingwhy the teacher ismean and just does notlike children.
5 minutes in the bath-room.
10 minutes getting asnack.
18 minutes checkingtheir Facebook status.
6 minutes telling par-ents that the teachernever explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting atthe kitchen table wait-ing for Mom or Dad todo the assignment.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 3
If you're a Repo Man, what you seize is what you get.
WENT TO THE DENTIST AND NOW I'M USING ALL CAPS.
*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.
Ron Ouellette*207-786-3612
Lewiston
Kim Pelkey*207-786-2573
Lewiston/Norway
Paul Colasante*207-782-8823
Lewiston
Michael Courtemanche*207-783-8921
Lewiston
Dick Courtemanche207-786-3622
Lewiston
Forest Cluff*207-725-4606
Brunswick
Deb Wagemann*207-783-8804
Auburn
Art Chamberlain207-514-7003
Lewiston
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA
February 2015Thursday, Feb 5thDubois Café 7am – 10am(Chapter 14437)906 Sabattus St, Lewiston$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest
Saturday, Feb 7thRed Claws vs WestchesterKnicks 7pm(Chapter 14346)Portland Expo$4
Tuesday, Feb 10thSam’s Noon – 7pm(Chapter 8609)Marketplace Mall, Lewiston$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest
Wednesday, Feb 18th99 Restaurant 4pm - 7pm(Chapter 12907)650 Center St, Auburn$8.50 Member; $9.50 Guest
Saturday, Feb 21stKC Sacred Heart Bean Sup-per 4:30-5:30pm(Chapter 10589)8 Sacred Heart Place,Auburn$5 Member; $6 Guest
Sunday, Feb 22ndFlagship Cinema(Chapter12749)Lewiston/Auburn$4 Member;$5.50 Guest
Tuesday. Feb 24thAri’s Pizza 11:30 – 1pm(Chapter 10929)457 Main St, Norway$5 Member
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. Ifadditional info is needed, please call our office,please do not call restaurants. All activities canonly be attended at the times listed.
*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.
Happy
Valentine’s!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 20154
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross theroad.
Maybe I should just start feeding the puppy wood furniture.
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGESTis published by the first
Friday of every month by MaineMountain Ocean Group, Inc.with offices at 9 Grove Street,
Auburn, ME.
It is distributed free throughoutCentral Maine and mailed tosubscribers all over the world.
Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to: P.O. Box 3363,
Auburn, ME 04212
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
MAILING ADDRESS:
PO Box 3363
Auburn, ME 04212
EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com
PHONE: 207 783-7039
FAX: 207 777-3898
UncleAndysDigest.com
Production Staff
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.
Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!
Mike & JoeAdkins,licensed
denturists
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
514-0660
We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances AcceptedWe also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider
AFFORDABLE DENTURES
SMILE AGAIN DENTURESFREE CONSULTATIONS
SmileAgainDentures.comOr email us at:
smileagaindentures@gmail.com
Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!
Also see us for:• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
• Partial Dentures
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
• All work done in house,
including metal frameworks
JIMBO
Jack of all
trades,
master of
none.
TIM
Marketing
Consultant.
THOMAS
Internet
Specialist.
PAM
Graphic
Design.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 5
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of themevenly into one hour.
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant." – Anne Bradstreet
Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336VP, Mortgage Banker181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.comwww.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell
NMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537 Equal Housing Opportunity
To Attend a FREE Home Buyer/Seller Education Class
When: Wednesdays: February 11th, February 25th March 11th, March 25th
Time: 6:30 – 7:30pm
Where: Residential Mortgage Services 181 Center St, Auburn, ME
Voted Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s
Best Mortgage Company for 2014!
You’re Invited...
Speaker: Debbie BodwellCome join us and find out about programs that can help you
on your way to home ownership!
• Shopping for a Home Mortgage • Understanding Qualifying Factors
• Mortgage Myths & Misconceptions • The Prequalification Process
Seating is limited – MUST PRE-REGISTERvia email: Courtney.Vincent@RMSmortgage.com
or call 207-777-1551Light refreshments will be served.
For information purposes only and is not a commitment to lend. Programs, rates, terms and conditions are subject to change at any time. Availability dependent upon approvedcredit and documentation, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Not all programs available in all areas. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation head-quartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. MMLS ID #1760; ME Supervised Lender License #SLM2537; CT Mortgage Correspondent Lender License#14352; Licensed by the Delaware State Bank Commissioner to engage in business in Delaware, License #017813; FL Mortgage Lender License #MLD232; MA Mortgage LenderLicense #MC1760; MD Mortgage Broker License #21114; Licensed by the New Hampshire Banking Department, NH Mortgage Banker License #8816-MB; Licensed NJ first mortgage lender; Ohio MB Exemption MBMB.850210.000; Licensed Mortgage Lender #44857; RI Licensed Lender #20092626LL; RI Licensed Loan Broker #20122931LB.
SWEETHEARTS!
Scott Wagner & Karen Bergeron
Cassandra Doak& Matthew Baker
Christine & Mike Cote
We had a FANTASTIC response to our request
for sweetheart pics. We hope you enjoy
all the love!Keep reading to find out who
our winners are!!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 20156
I’m not stalking. I'm researching.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you start this thing?"
777-1520Flower Shoppe
Sweet Pea Designs
FREE Delivery in L/A
SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com
Caring family dentist & specialists • Now Offering Implants $2,999
New Patient Special$88 Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays
488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800 • www.androscoggindentalgroup.com
“Affordable Dental Excellence”
Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg MontoyaPamper your sweetheartthis Valentine's Day!
Gift Certificates AvailableTues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm
232 Center Street, Auburn753-9368
(next to Play It Again Sports)
Owner/StylistStylist Stylist
That’s NutsSubmitted by Thomas Hill
John is out with hisfriends and stops byhis grandmother’shouse for a visit.
There’s a bowl ofpeanuts on the coffeetable, and John and hisfriends start snackingon them.
When they’re ready toleave, his friends say,"Nice to meet you,ma’am, and thank youfor the peanuts."
Grandma says, "You’rewelcome. Ever since Ilost my dentures, all Ican do is suck thechocolate off of them."
Round SheGoes
Submitted by Jimbo
After I bought mymother a compact-discplayer and some CDs,she was excited to dis-cover she no longerneeded to rewind orfast-forward tapes ormove the needle onher record player.
Knowing she was notthat technically astute,I called her a few dayslater to see how shewas managing. "Fine. Ilistened to ShaniaTwain this morning,"she said.
"The whole CD?" Iasked.
"No," she replied, "justone side."
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 7
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I texted her and said, "Did you get my drift?"
Thomas to Jimbo: I wasn't sleeping. My desk was bleeding, so I was applying pressure,with my head.
ADOS: Attention Deficient – Ooh, shiny…
272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979 • Prime360Training.com BJ Grondin, CSCS
Group ClassesOne-on-One Training
Nutrition ServicesTeam Training
Get In Shape!You know you want to.
Buy 2 months ofclasses get the
3rd month FREE!Limit one per person.
Call for details.
✃Expires 2.28.15
3 Individual Training Sessions
for just $99.~ Introductory pricing ~
Limit one per person. Call for details.
✃Expires 2.28.15
Call us TODAY!You’ll be glad you did!!
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.comMonday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm
• Locally Owned• Thoughtfully Sourced• Made from Scratch• Maine Craft Artisans
Come Celebrate Mardi Gras with Us!
Reserve our function room foryour next party or
event!
February 9th - 17th• Drink Specials - Hurricanes, Sazerac, Hand Grenade• King Cake • Serving Chicken Okra Gumbo Soup
Special Menu Mardi Gras Night, Feb. 17thBook Your Reservations Now!
SWEETHEARTS!
Don & HeidiCovert
Lisa & DuncanPhilbrick
Gene Couillard & Pam Foulke
Q: What did the catsay after eating two
robins lying in the sun?
A: I just love baskin’robins.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 20158
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong, and she agrees with me.
Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy marshmallows, which is kind of the samething.
SWEETHEARTS!
Genevieve Hering& Colby Michaud
Jamie McClendon &Stephanie Arsenault
Jared & SarahLegare
sweethearts since college,May 27th will be their 15th
Anniversary!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 9
We're not retreating; we're advancing in a different direction.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders…
Dad’s Catering Division
It’s not too early to book your spring and summer events!
345-9009 DadsPlace.info
Weddings • Summer Events • ReunionsCompany Parties
Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!
Call Diana or Larry formore info and pricing!
There’s NO PLACE like...
Dad’s Place23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Not to be combined with any other special.Expires 2.28.15
✃
Let Dad do thecookin’!
Over 200 menu items
to choose from!
FREE COFFEE EVERYDAY!Free coffee with purchase of any
Breakfast Sandwich EVERYDAY in February!
exp. 2.28.15
Baby, it’sCOLD
outside!
Our $10 GIANTone-topping pizza is sure to
warm you up!!
SWEETHEARTS!
Crystal Robinson& Jeffrey Cote
Glenn Foss &Darcy Ames
Colleen & DaveVerreault
Q: What is the differ-ence between a dress-maker and a farmer?
A: A dressmaker sewswhat she gathers, a farmer
gathers what he sows.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201510
Bring ideas in and entertain them royally for one of them may be the king.
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.
Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH
241-0667137 East Ave, LewistonSassevilleHealthySmile.com
4COMFORTABLE 4CARING 4STRESS-FREEAffordable, Personalized Dental Hygiene.
Dental Hygiene & Wellness
New Patients Receive
10% OFFFirst Visit with ad.
Early evening & Saturday appointments
available!Dental Cleanings
Oral Cancer Assessments
Sealants
All Ages Welcome
Fluoride Treatments
Athletic Mouth Guards
Most Insurances Accepted
No Referrals Needed
5 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rte 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577Mon - Fri: 7am - 2pm; Sat - Sun: 6am - 2pm
Serving breakfast & lunch daily.Breakfast available all day!
GREAT COMFORT FOODWe think you’ll find it’s Egg-ceptional!
“Home of theDouble Yolker”
Egg-ceptional Restaurant
$1.00 OFF
one coupon per visitNot to be combined w/ any
other Specials
✃Expires 02.28.15
when you spend $10 or more
10% off larger orders!
UAD
733 Sabattus St. Lewiston777-7200 • 866-264-7685 • ThriftyCarMart.com
Bring Your Tax Return & Select the Vehicle of Your Choice!
Tax TimeSavings!
We Finance!
SWEETHEARTS!
Jeff Tveraas &Debbie Schmidt
Now in Austin, Texas. Jeff used to do graphicdesign for Uncle Andy’sDigest back in the day!
Denise & JeromeLizotte
Karen & Jim Albert
NEXT Level Business Coaching . biz207-754-2003
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance
Business is no laughing matter(unless you’re Jimbo)
MATCH THE NAME WITH THE BUSINESS
Let’s make a Dill New Mexican restaurant Flantastic An old-fashioned deli A Slice Is Right Mexican desert bar Hunan Resources A pizza joint Silent but Dehli A sports bar Jockular An up-scale Mexican restaurant Spruce SpringClean A new Lewiston fast food joint Lord of the Fries A large Chinese restaurant Tequila MockinBird An up-scale cleaning firm
Business Quiz
That fun quiz was just to get you in the mood – to look at your business. If you reallylook at YOU and YOUR BUSINESS, what do you see? Are there changes/improvementsyou need to make? If you have had these challenges for a while; working too hard,managing time, cash, people or the work itself, Please give us a call. You know yourbusiness better than anybody! WE ARE BUSINESS COACHES – LET US HELP YOUMAKE IT GREAT!!
Kurk Lalemand, Business Coach; Erna Koch, CPBC; Rose Creps, Financial Analyst
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201512
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Weight StudySubmitted by Jimbo
One time when I washome visiting my folks,my mom asked me toset the table for dinner.
I opened the refrigera-tor and taped to the in-side of the door was arisque picture of alovely, slender, per-fectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.
"Mom, what's this?" Iasked.
"Oh, I put that up thereto remind me not toover-eat," she answered.
"Is it working?" I asked.
"Yes and no," she ex-plained. "I've lost 15pounds, but your dadhas gained 20!"
The BachelorCookbook
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Two confirmed bache-lors sat talking, theirconversation driftedfrom politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbookonce," said one, "but Icould never do any-thing with it."
"Too much fancy workin it, eh?" asked theother.
"You said it - Every oneof the recipes beganthe same way - 'Take aclean dish.'"
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 13
Rembrandt painted 700 pictures in his life time and art collectors have all 7,000 of them.
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here."
Checking the time twice because you forgot it the first time.
Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.
We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters.
The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.
207-440-2130 87 Essex Street, Lewiston (inside the Action Computer Services building)
Call for your FREEconsultation!
Ask About Home Visits!
THE 2ND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING
CC Permit • Basic • Advanced
Bill RousseauNRA - Law Enforcement
576-6961
Don MailhotNRA - Law Enforcement576-5131
Learn how to defend yourself and your family.
NRA Certified Instruction
rdtacticalhandgun.com
Check our website & Facebook page for current & upcoming SPRING Classes!
SWEETHEARTS!
Lise & JeffLothrop
Married June 24 1978 andstill going strong
Lynn Poor & Gordon Frank
Mandy & NickZielinski
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201514
SON OF A B…iscuit. Oh, hey mom…
I have been single for a while, and I have to say; It’s going very well. Like, it’s working out. I think I’m the one.
HUGE DISCOUNTSon Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring
Our Gift Cards makeperfect Gifts!
and Qualit
y
^
675 Main Street, LewistonMon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 4pm
ShermArnoldsOutlet.com
782-0831
15% OFF
All Tile & Vinyl
Rems
SWEETHEARTS!
Pam & PatVeilleux
Pat Malcuit & JimMalcuit with Ginger
Cortney & PaulBrunelle
with their boys, Paul & Dominic
Q: What do you call analligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 15
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
Don’t spend $18+ at thebeauty salon, get your...
Marcel’sBarber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
$12L K
For the month of February
Cassiels.com • 71 East Ave. Lewiston • 783-3321
Where Good Skaters
Meet
Since1954
Available for private parties
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com
WINTER SCHEDULESchool Vacation Skate
Wednesday - 1:30 - 4:00
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm
RollodromeRollodrome
One Hour Massage For CouplesRose Scented Pedicures
Complimentary Chocolate covered StrawberriesChampagne with every side by side service!
SWEETHEARTS!
Maria Carbone &Jessie Burlock
Monica & MichaelMarin
DIYSubmitted by Thomas Hill
Every year on my birth-day, I looked forward tomy aunt’s gift—a scarf,hat, or sweater knittedby hand.
One year, she musthave had better thingsto do because I re-ceived a ball of yarn,knitting needles, and ahow-to-knit book.
Her card read "Scarf,some assembly required."
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201516You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
Get A Healthy
Dose of VEGGIES
brought to you in part by:
Saturday March 7th8pm - Midnight
American Legion Post 150, Mechanic FallsTickets: $15/per person
Proceeds Benefit All the Programs of the Mechanic Falls Recreation Department
Door Prizes • 50/50 Dancing & Lots of Fun!
Tickets can be purchased in advance at Bryant Energy in Mechanic Falls orCall Jeff Martin at 577-9243 or email mechanicfallsrec@yahoo.com
SWEETHEARTS!
“Razor Ray” Beaudoin & Sue Tracy
Razor Ray was a long-time contributor to UAD.
Ron & NicholeMajor
Ron & Peggy Polley
Q: What happenedwhen wheel was
invented?
A: A revolution occurred
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 17
A pun spun with a good yarn gets fabricated!
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
I heard Einstein got along well with his parents ... relatively speaking.
Pick a Proven WinnerChoosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.
Choose one with a proven track record!
Rollie Heckethorn:• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988• 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential,
commercial & investment properties allover the state of Maine
Rollie Heckethorn207-344-0007
www.DunhamRealty.com • Office: 207-729-7297
Well versed in home buyer programs.Call Today!
Three HymnsSubmitted by Thomas Hill
One Sunday a pastortold the congregationthat the church neededsome extra money andasked the people toprayerfully considergiving a little extra inthe offering plate. Hesaid that whoever gavethe most would be ableto pick out three hymns.
After the offering plateswere passed, the pas-tor glanced down andnoticed that someonehad placed a $1,000bill in offering.
He was so excited thathe immediately sharedhis joy with his congre-gation and said he'dlike to personally thankthe person who placedthe money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly,saintly lady all the wayin the back shyly raisedher hand.
The pastor asked herto come to the front.
Slowly she made herway to the pastor.
He told her how won-derful it was that shegave so much and inthanksgiving asked herto pick out threehymns.
Her eyes brightened asshe looked over thecongregation, pointedto the three hand-somest men in thebuilding and said, "I'll take him, and him,and him."
Out ’n About at theChamber Awards
Banquet
Chip MorrisonAndroscoggin Chamber Presi-dent will retire later this year.
If I have seen further it is by
standing on the shoulders of
giants.
I just don’t have time for the nervous breakdown that I deserve.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201518
Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.
It was so cold... When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!
An IMPOSSIBLE Brain Teaser
Answers are on page 47. But at least give it a shot first!
Used by permission www.spelling-words-well.com
SWEETHEARTS!
Sherri & ChadSylvester
Steve & PamHecker
Shawn Leone & Alicia Baril
Q: Which U.S. Statehas the smallest soft
drinks?
A: Mini-soda
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 19
It was so cold... Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
Insanity you say? We like to call it “Personal Happiness”.
Wire electrical jobs so fun?
Visit our award winning website www.brendafontaine.com
161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston
784-7042LabadiesBakery.com
Mon. 6am-noon • Tues-Fri 6am-3pm
Every FridayBuy 1 dozen donuts atregular price ($7.50)
and get the 2nd dozenat half price!
$11.25 for both
Whoopie SpecialBuy 1 dozen get
the 2nd dozen forOnly $1.00with couponIn-Store Only
Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
Get Your
Sweetheart a
Heart-shaped
Donut!
Over InsuredSubmitted by Jimbo
The insurance agency Iwork for draws busi-ness from a retirementcommunity. Once,when applying for autoinsurance for a client, Iasked him how manymiles he drives in ayear. He said he didn’tknow.
"Well, do you drive10,000 miles a year?" Iasked, "or 5,000?"
He said the numberssounded high. "Whatmonth is this?" heasked. I told him it wasJuly.
"Maybe this will help,"he said. "I filled the carwith gas in February."
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201520
I'm not in denial; I'm just selective about the realities I accept.
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
www.rainbowfcu.com
SWEETHEARTS!
Venise & Tony PrattStill madly in love
Trisha Marston &John Acker
Tisha & ShawnBlais
Another Day at theDigest office...
Thomas to Jimbo:
“My memory is sobad!”
“How bad is it?”
“How bad is what?”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 21
It was so cold... I chipped a tooth on my soup!
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
It was so cold... We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!
PROTECTINGWhat You Love.
What You Do.
What You Cherish..
commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health
232 Center St., Auburn
786-0417
Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm
VarneyAgency.com
Kerrie RobbinsCommercial Insurance
Specialist
“Try us once,
you’ll be a regular!”
OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm
SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET
For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502
Sweetheart Headquarters!
Brad, Kaitlyn, Drew, Lauren & Angela
ANY LARGE PIZZA!
$3 OFFLimit one per customer per visit
(UAD) Expires 2.28.15
PleaseKeepItLocal
SWEETHEARTS!
Tim & VickieRucker
21st Valentine's Day
Tim & ShaniSmith
29th Valentine's Day
Steve & Sasha Vurnakes
Q: What do you getwhen you cross an elephant and a skin
doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.
Chip &Jane Morrison,
sweethearts sharing a moment during the festivities at
the Ramada in Lewiston. Chip, Androscoggin Chamber President, will re-
tire from his long-time position later this year.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201522
When the investor came home from work he was spent.
A whopping 542,629 acres of Maine is a part of national and state parks.
The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.
LuiggisPizzeria.com
Since 1953
MONDAYThe Fergy
TUESDAYMeatball Subs
WEDNESDAYSpaghetti Dinners
1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink
THURSDAYMini Pizza
FRIDAY$1.00 OFF
Any Large Pizza
SATURDAY2 Ham or Salami
Italians
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50
SUNDAYBaked Ziti
$6.00 sm $2.50 lg $5.00
sm $3.35 w/ch $3.99lg $6.50 w/ch $7.50 $5.25
1 topping $2.992 toppings $3.99
$7.99
Mon-Sun: 9am - 10pm
SWEETHEARTS!
Ernie & PattiGagne
Josh Pelletier &Steph Gagne
Yohanan Svitavsky& Stephanie Gravel
Lori Gagne &Bill Gagne
Photo credit: Bell Photography,Gray, ME
Out ’nAbout
at the ChamberAwards Banquet
It’s been one heck of aride, honey...
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 23
The Acadia National Park is the second most-visited national park in America.
He made a slow start in the sport of weightlifting but he picked it up eventually.
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Ray Hurillaof Ray Hurilla Plumbingand Heating is a sole pro-prietorship. His home-based business islocated in Lewiston. Ray is a Master OilBurner Technician andalso a Master Plumber.He is licensed and in-sured in the state ofMaine with over 15 yearsexperience. Providing advice andassistance to residentialcustomers on new instal-lations (new constructionand existing homes) andservice of their oil heatingsystems. His many years of ex-perience in trouble shoot-ing with older systemsreally benefit many ofRay’s customers. Relyingheavily on referrals fromsatisfied customers, hemakes sure the job isdone right the first time. Contact Ray HurillaPlumbing and Heating at485-7357, visit his website: rayhurillaplumbingand-heating.com, find him onFacebook and most im-portantly, see his ad onpage 30.
Q: What is that no manever saw which never
was but always willbe?
A: Tomorrow
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201524
The state of Maine is estimated to contain 6,000 lakes and ponds.
If you wanna see the rainbow you must first endure the rain.
Microsoft: You've got questions; we've got dancing paperclips.
Friday NightsLive!
2/6 American RideMaine
2/13 Tina KellyBand
2/20 Midlife Krisis 2/27 Bad Penny
SaturdayNights
Mixers is theHOTTESTNight spot
around!
136 Sabattus Road, Sabattus(Across from Cumberland Farms)
375-4188
We close out the weekend every Sunday with the original Retro Party!!
Winter Punderland
Submitted by Thomas Hill
As we waited for a busin the frosty weather,the woman next to mementioned that shemakes a lot of mis-takes when texting inthe cold.
I nodded knowingly.“It’s the early signs oftypothermia.”
So a dog walks into abar and asks the bar-tender, “Do you haveany jobs?”
The bartender says, “Why don’t you try thecircus?”
The dog replies, “Whywould the circus needa bartender?”
Rare Company
Submitted by Jimbo
A factory owner said toa store owner, "Thankyou, Mr. Smith, for yourpatronage. I wish I hadtwenty customers likeyou."
"Wow, it's nice to hearthat, but I'm kind ofsurprised," admittedSmith. "You know that Iargue every bill and al-ways pay late."
The factory owner said,"I'd still like twenty cus-tomers like you. Theproblem is, I have twohundred."
I do five sit-ups every morning... It may not sound like many but there are only so manytimes you can hit the snooze button.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 25
“The greatest science in the world; in heaven and on earth; is love.” – Mother Teresa
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
181 Sabattus Rd., Sabattus
BURLESQUE
Evening classes offer the privacythat is essential to experience theproper atmosphere of Burlesque!
With the lights dimmed downlow the room warmed with body
heat, pointed toes for instant sexiness and slippery chairs
for easier glide.BURLESQUE Chair
SHOULD be in EVERY Woman’s life!
Don’t let the class atmospheremislead you ~
Burlesque Chair is a TOTALBody aerobic workout withthe sexy kick that we forget
we ALL can have!
Check out our Complete Class Schedule
Visit our website:
www.SPRQstudio.com
Burlesque Chair WorkoutsCome find out what the buzz is all about!
SPRQ Burlesque Performance Workshops
Beginning week of March 23rd (day of week & time TBA)
Ranging from $75 - $150 per person
Includes Full Burlesque Costume (3 choices)
5 weeks of performance training with leg/core/ab fitness segments
A friends/family LIVE PREVIEW Performance at the end!
SWEETHEARTS!
Tj Niles & JasmineKronstrand
Amy Knight &Mark Brookes
John & CorrinaTancrede
Married 21 years
Ann & Dan Dumais
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201526
In 1623, America's first sawmill was established in York, Maine.
My skiing skills are really going downhill.
Local Radio... The Way It Should Be!
The only FM Station just for the L/A Area!!
4 WAYS TO LISTEN: Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM,
Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App.
• The Hits of TodayShake It Off/Taylor Swift, Stay With Me/Sam Smith, Am I Wrong?/Nico & Vinz, Maps/Maroon 5, Rude/Magic, Try/Col-bie Caillat, All About That Bass/Megan Trainor... and much more.
• And Classic HitsSongs from the 80’s thru Today!
• Breakfast Club with Matty BLive interviews with local guests Monday – Friday 6-10am. Local News & Sports
• Great Music All Day10am-2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush. “Retro Lunch” 12-1pm2-6pm: The “Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.4-5pm: Dave’s “Friday Free For All”, featuring local artists.6pm-12am: The “Night Shift” with L/A’s own Gene Cassidy.Sat 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown.
SWEETHEARTS!
Cassandra & KyleMann
Danny & JenBanker
Brittanie & AdamFirst Dance
Darlene Hersom & Brian Benoit
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 27
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” — Woodrow Wilson
I would rather tell you one truth you don’t like than to tell you a hundred lies you do like.
Valentine’s DanceFebruary 14th • 8pm - 12midnight
Heart Necklace Door PrizeAll Ladies will receive a Rose
Friends of Bonnie &
Larry PelletierPlease Join Us for a Benefit Spaghetti Dinner
Saturday Feb. 28th 5-6:30pm$5/per person • Lots of Raffle Items and 50/50 drawing!
$1.25 Every Tuesday & Wednesday Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light & PBR Cans
NEW AUBURN SOCIAL CLUB7 SECOND ST. AUBURN • 782-9039
SWEETHEARTS!
Greg & TracyDubois
Jim & Jeanne Sullivanmarried 50 years
Deanna & ShaneLaccase
Jocelyn French &Steven Sidelinger
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171
(for take-out)
• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!Rolly’s Diner
Rolly’s Diner was proud to receive the Small BusinessLeadership Award from the Androscoggin Chamber on
Thursday, January 22.
*Photo credit: Bell Photography Gray, ME
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201528
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Assisted Home Care II“Our Family
Assisting Your Family”
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org
Assisting Families since 1997.
• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief• 24 hour Personal Care and Response• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers• Assist with Independent Living at Home
Now expanding our services to the Midcoast Region!
Wrinkle CreamSubmitted by Thomas Hill
A nine-year-old girlwalked in while hermom was getting readyfor work. "What areyou doing?" she asked.
"Putting on my wrinklecream," her mom an-swered.
"Oh," she said, walkingaway. "I thought theywere natural."
Blind DateSubmitted by Thomas Hill
"How was your blinddate?"
"Terrible! She showedup in a 1932 Rolls-Royce."
"What’s so terribleabout that?"
“She was the originalowner."
Guerrilla Marketing!
Submitted by Jimbo
A new hair salonopened up for businessright across the streetfrom the old estab-lished hair cutters'place.
They put up a big boldsign which read:"WE GIVE $7 HAIRCUTS!"
Not to be outdone, theold Master Barber putup his own sign:"WE FIX $7 HAIRCUTS".
Linda Arel, Jessica Campbell & Kelly Ryder
Kim Beth, Tyler Barnies & Mykayla McCann
Out ’n About at Day’s Jewelers in Auburn
Shopping for jewelry?
Well yeah!
Tyler is so tall you can put myvoice bubble right
above my head.
How convenient!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 29
If you let go of the past, it no longer has a hold on you.
When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
OPEN TO THE PUBLIC • 250 Tables of Guns & Related Items
• Firearm Laws Will Be Observed
• CONTEMPORARY & ANTIQUEGUNS OF ALL KINDS
• KNIVES & OTHER RELATED ITEMS
Admission: Adults: $8Children under 12: Free with adult
Dealers from
throughout
New England
Auburn Exchange Club’s39th Annual Twin Cities
GUN SHOWSAT. MARCH 28th 9-4SUN. MARCH 29th 9-3
at the
LewistonArmoryCentral Ave.,
Lewiston
SWEETHEARTS!
Tammy Clavet-Bureau& Marc Bureau
in Las Vegas 17 years ago
Maria Carbone & Jesse Burlock
Lou & Connie ClavetOld Orchard 45 years ago
Richard Patrie & Melissa Ann
I could hide for days in the laundry hamper because no one in my house knows how to open the lid.
• Driveways • Porches• Patios • Steps• Walkways • Poolscapes
Assisted HomeCare II
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org
“Our Family Assisting Your Family”
Now expanding our services to the
Midcoast Region!
See page 28 to learn more about
the services we offer.
CALL THE PROS
Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewistoncubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE
BookkeepingPlus
QuickBooks Classes OfferedBookkeeping Services
9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124
CALL TODAY! 485-7357
$AVE on Your Heating Bills!FREE Heating System
Inspection & Evaluation
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating207-485-7357
RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com
1761 Lisbon Road, Lewiston(next to the Elks Lodge)
956-1793
Like us on
Hours: Tues - Fri 10am - 5pmSat 10am - 1pm
Specializing inStraight Razor Blade
Cuts & Hot LatherShaves
34 Center St. Auburn
333-3069yourbestskinofmaine.com
• Botox & Fillers• Spider Vein Removal• Rosacea Treatment• Spot Fat Reduction• Tattoo Removal• Reduce Wrinkles,
Spots & Scars• Acne Treatment• Laser & Hydra Facial
MD Treatments
FREEConsultation
Now Hiring Stylist!Apply within
Paul Mitchell Focus Salon
954 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 241-0205
Our Gift Cards make great Valentine’s gifts!
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
How young can you die of old age? – Steven Wright
“I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.” – Bridger Winegar
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)
DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION
✃
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551
6¢on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)
UAD expires 2.28.15
Bottle Drives
Welcome!
Dad’s Redemption
MORE FOR YOUR $$MORE FOR YOUR $$
Get more for your returnsat Dad’s!
SWEETHEARTS!
Cheryl & Pete Godin
Pam Ashby & Brian Craig
Rachel Flannery &Michael Harrington
Paul & AnitaGagne
Local Music Line-upPresented by:
FRIDAY FREE FOR ALLLive on the air every
Friday 4–5pm.Tune into Z105.5FM
BROOKELACHANCEFebruary 6th
JOEBRIEN
February 13th
COLONBLOW
February 20th
WALTER WEYMOUTH
February 27th
A special thanks to Eddie Boucher of
EAB International (music line-up)
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201532
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
10% OFF Your First Snow PlowingCommercial & Residential
FREEQUOTES
SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTINGSNOW REMOVAL
Morinexcavating
Inc.
Andy Morin207.784.8293
cell: 207.576.4714amorinexc@roadrunner.com
In Celebration of
Chinese New Year!
All take-out orders will receive a Red Envelope with$ in it! The 50th take-out order will have a $50.00
Gift Certificate in their envelope!
730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • 376-4855 • jasminecafemaine.com
5% of all Take-Out Orderswill be donated to theAuburn Knights of Columbus
Live Entertainment Valentines Evening!Book ReservationsToday!
BackfiredSubmitted by Jimbo
One day a little girl wassitting and watchingher mother do thedishes at the kitchensink.
She suddenly noticedthat her mother hadseveral strands ofwhite hair sticking outin contrast to herbrunette head.
She looked at hermother and inquisi-tively asked, "Why aresome of your hairswhite, Mommy?"
Her mother replied,"Well, every time thatyou do somethingwrong and make mecry or unhappy, one ofmy hairs turns white."
The little girl thoughtabout this revelation fora while and then said,"Mommy, how comeALL of grandma's hairsare white?"
Family TiesSubmitted by Thomas Hill
On New Year's Eve,Marilyn stood up in thelocal pub and said thatit was time to getready. At the stroke ofmidnight, she wantedevery husband to bestanding next to theone person who madehis life worth living.
As the clock struck, thebartender was almostcrushed to death.
Patti Gagneof the Patti GagneAgency accepts theRay Geiger Award (flanked by Chip Morri-son, Matt Jancovic &Clif Greim)
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Out ’n About at theChamber Awards
Banquet
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 33
What do butterflies feel when they're in love?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
What do birdies see when they faint?
JT Reid’s Gun Show & Auction
Gun Show - $5/per person
(Under 16 & Active Military FREE)
Concealed Firearms Prohibited even with permit
Auction - Sat. at 6pm
Maine Law Enforcement Confiscated Firearms and Estate Firearms*
*Now Accepting Personal & Estate Firearms for Auction.
Call JT Reids Gun Shop 777-3579 • 86 Court St. Auburn • jtreidsgunshop.com
Saturday April 11th 9am - 4pmSunday April 12th 9am - 2pm
Elks Lodge, 108 Odlion Road in Bangor
Out ’n About at theChamber Awards
Banquet
Brian Craig &Pam Ashby
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Thomas HillUncle Andy’s Digest
Tim & VickieRucker
Uncle Andy’s Digest
I wonder what I’m thinking...
Tim loves being married to
the total package.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201534
A closed mind is a good thing to lose.
I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this, the dog?
Justin & CourtneyVincentDr. Chen & Lily Chen
Auburn Plaza Dentistry
Jonathon &
Sheena Burgin
Lisa & NathanBolduc
Shannon & GregWebster
Shane Smith &
Sarah Dailey
Kelli Gilzow & Chad Stowell
SWEETHEARTS!
Daryl & Bonnie
Caron
Heather Maxim-Bar-
nett & Mark Barnett
sweethearts since 1999
Tiffany & Casey
Victoria Rogers &Kevin McBean
Out ’n About at theChamber Awards
Banquet
Art ChamberlainModern Woodmen of America
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Laurie OuelletteSweet Pea Designs
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Kohen SteeleDon’s Automotive
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Quite honestly, I believe the Patriotsdeserve an apology.
Ryan’s Cream750ml $9.99
Save $3
RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE
5 Locations for Your Convenience
694 Main St.
Lewiston • 782-1482
794 Sabattus St.
Lewiston • 783-6353
1420 Lisbon St.
Lewiston • 333-3095
545 Minot Ave.
Auburn • 783-2047
303-311 Main St.
Auburn • 783-9098
Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn
Minot Ave, Auburn Main Street, Lewiston
WHAT’S BREWINGAND ALWAYS NEW
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS
Since 1992
ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!
ROOPERS
LISBON ST.
Now Selling
Liquor!
Ole Smokey MoonshineAll Varietals 750ml
$22.99Save $3
Jack Daniels750ml $21.99
Save $3
Pallini Limoncello750ml $17.99
Save $5
Beer SpecialsShipyard 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99Sam Adams 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99PBR 18pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99Bud & Bud Light 18pks 16oz . . . . . . .$14.99Miller Lite & Coors Light 18pk 12oz . .$14.99Shock Top 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10.99Woodchuck 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99Long Trail 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99
Wine SpecialsNoble Vines 750ml . . . . . . . . . .$8.99-$12.99Bota Box 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99Twisted 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$18.99Josh 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99Robert Mondavi 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99
SodaCoke 12oz. 6pks . . . . . . . . .$1.79 or 2/$3.00
Dr.McGillicuddy’s
1.75$19.99Save $6
HPNOYIQ 750ml$16.99Save $5
New Walk-in Soda Cooler!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201536
TOWNLINE ANTIQUES
Buying & Selling
837-3784
“If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet?” – Robin Alumbaugh
If you mix flour, water and salt you get glue. If you add eggs, baking powder and oil, you get cake. Where does the glue go?
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave,
Auburn
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801AndroscogginOrtho.com
Join us for some Affordable FUN!
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394
$10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100
Sunday at 6:00PMWed., Thurs, & Friday
at 6:30PM
• Wheel alignment & balancing
• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections
60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE
OUR TIRES$10 OFFANY Servicewith Coupon!Happy Valentine’s
Day!!
We can do it:
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983
A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. – Chinese proverb
WannabeSubmitted by Jimbo
Peter was telling afriend that he had justlost his job.
"Why did the foremanfire you?" the friendasked in surprise.
"Oh," Peter said, "youknow how foremen are.They stand around withtheir hands in theirpockets watchingeverybody else work."
"We all know that,"replied his friend. "Butwhy did he let you go?"
"Jealousy," answeredPeter. "All the otherworkers thought I wasthe foreman."
Mac’s Grill1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 macsgrill.com
Call Mac’s for all your
catering needs!
Bring yoursweetheart toMac’s, you’ll
LOVE it!
Celebrate
Valentine’s
Weekend at
Mac’s!30% Off
all drafts everyMonday!
Come watch your favorite sporting event in our brand new
1,300 sq. ft. bar area. 11 TV’s • 16 beers on tapFull menu all the time!
20% Offall Burgers every
Monday!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201538
If the world is spinning so quickly why don't we all get dizzy?
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
Ernie & Patti Gagne, Father Paul Dumais,Monique & Andy Gagne
Jimbo & SueMarston
Cullen, Christine & Gabby Walker
Abigail L'Heureux &Danielle Pelletier
Kim Haddon &
William Poirier
SWEETHEARTS!
Trevor Saunders & Pam Ashby (mom)
Bill, Stacy, Emily& AJ Redmun
Amy Wasilkowski & Nate Peterson
Generation GapSubmitted by Jimbo
I've got 3 TVs, cableand a satellite dish. Ihave 3 phone lines inthe house, a cell phoneand one in the car.
I use 2 computers, 3ISPs and a fax. I sub-scribe to two daily pa-pers and one weeklyone. I watch both thelocal and the networknews every evening.
And my kids have thenerve to tell me I'm outof touch.
Buckle UpSubmitted by Jimbo
I was driving with mythree young childrenone warm summerevening when awoman in the convert-ible ahead of us stoodup and waved.
She was stark naked!
As I was reeling fromthe shock, I heard myfive-year-old shoutfrom the back seat,"Mom! That lady isn'twearing a seat belt!"
Looking GoodSubmitted by Thomas Hill
Even at age 88, mymother was vain abouther looks. At a party, anold friend exclaimed,"Edith, you haven’tchanged in 20 years."
"Oh," said Mom, horri-fied. "I hope I didn’tlook like this 20 yearsago."
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 39
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
Do not neglectyour Septic System
For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.
Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities
ServiceRentalSales
We carry risers, covers,baffle replacements, septic additives.
CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT
G.A. DOWNINGCO., INC.
111 Woodman Hill RDMinot, ME 04258
207.782.4508800.924.4500
Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke'.
I hate audio correct!
Now’s the time to quit smoking...
Try
136 Sabattus Rd, Sabattus • 577-0468
10% OFF with this adLimit one per person per visit
Exp. 2.28.15
Jen Pike, Erica Madore & Ashley SommaJen & Ashley are with Twin City Times,
Erica represents Austin Associates
Gettin’ with the Times
Goin’ Dental
Chelsea Letourneau & friendsof Center Street Dental
Ron & Marge PartridgeOwners of Dons Automotive accepted the
Lisbon Business of the Year Award from Joyce Gibson
Out ’n About at the Chamber Awards Banquet
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201540
“Thought is free.” — William Shakespeare
With age comes wisdom. Apparently, wisdom weighs about 30 pounds.
I hav
e no
issu
e w
ith p
eopl
e w
ho h
ave
let t
hem
selv
es g
o, it
’s th
e pe
ople
who
hav
e le
t the
mse
lves
sta
y th
at b
othe
r m
e.
WHENYOU’RE
TIRED OFTHIS...
GIVE US A CALL!
Servicing the Mechanic Falls,Minot & Poland areas.
JMARPLOWING
Reasonable Rates
576-4844
Fully InsuredFree Quotes
SWEET
HEART WINNERS!Here are our
We had an incredible response to our social media callout for sweethearts to send us their photos. As you can
see the Digest is full of them. These 3 couples were ran-domly chosen as winners of our prize packages. All 3 will
get the same package:
A goodie bag from:
Romance Boutique
A Wind & Fire bracelet from:
Gift certificate from:
1/2 Dozen Chocolate covered Strawberries from:
Maine Gourmet Chocolates
$5 Gift card from:
Top It Frozen Yogurt Bar
Mikayla Welch & Tim Myers
We’re sure she said yes!
Mandy Cote & Justin Audette
Getting married in June
Whitney & Michael Lovely with their children, Bailey & Brody
Congratulat ions!
These three lucky coupleswill be contacted to pickup their prize packages.
Thank you to everyonewho participated. We hada great time with it! Andthank you to the sponsor-ing businesses who do-nated prizes!!
The team at Uncle Andy’s Digest
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 41Sometimes I feel like a #1 pencil at a standardized test location.
The cleanest dog will roll on the dirtiest thing- it's science.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Calling All LoversJoin us for dinner Valentine’s Weekend
Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com
Make Your reservations NOW! Q: If it took eight men
ten hours to build a wall,how long would it takefour men to build it?
A: No time at all, it is already built.
You’re OldSubmitted by Thomas Hill
Her college assign-ment was to interviewan "old person" abouthis life, so my nieceasked me, "What wasthe biggest historicalevent that happenedduring your child-hood?"
"I’d have to say the firstmoonwalk," I replied.
She looked disap-pointed. "That dancewas so important toyou?"
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201542
I’m exhausted. I spent all day saying “no” to my children and “yes” to my wife.
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?
782-2135Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm
Sun. 11am - 5pm
A place where family & friends
gather for good food & cheer
at great prices!
Every Sunday: 12” Cheese Pizza - only $5.99$5 well Bloody Mary’s!
Stop in and try one of our Daily Specials!!
Welcomes...
Dustin Torres, Goldsmith
Dustin has 10 yrs experience in the Jewelry Industry!
Specializing in Handmade Jewelry
600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com
2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewsiton • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com
Artesian 735L Spa• Energy Efficiency Package• 5-6 Seats w/Lounger• LED Lighting Upgrade• Ozonator
ONLY$4,999
(Retails @ $7,499)* Used as display at2 Home Shows
Out ’n About atDay’s Jewelers
in AuburnCatered by Dad’s Place
Yvonne Franklin
Larry Royaka DAD,
serves hors d'oeuvres tohappy shoppers
Let us cater your next event, party
or wedding!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 43
A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
Out ’n About atDay’s Jewelers
in AuburnCatered by Dad’s Place
Mark PoulinManager of Day’s Jewelers
What a great turn out for our
Customer Appreciationnight. Thank you,
everyone!
Sue MarstonDad’s Place Catering
Service with a smile and bacon!
(wrapped scallops).
Q: How can you drop araw egg onto a con-crete floor without
cracking it?
A: Concrete floors arevery hard to crack!
F E E L I N G
L U C K Y ?Watch our Facebook page for our
upcoming St. Patrick’s Day contestwith fabulous prizes and possibly
a pot of gold.
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201544
Why aren’t unripened oranges called greens?
Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?
10:00am–event begins4:00-6:00pm–Poker Hands being dealt/dinner
6:00pm–Fireworks displayTrails running through Sabattus, Lewiston, Greene, Leeds and Turner, Maine.
Event to conclude at Glen Dube’s Excavation in Sabattus.
Out ’n About at theChamber Awards
Banquet
Shawn & TanyaCornish
Jimbo Marston & Kurk Lalemand
of Next Level Business Coaching
Betsy Libby & Jean Blais
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Shawn’s Lawns can’t come soon
enough!
Q: If you had three ap-ples and four orangesin one hand and fourapples and three or-anges in the other
hand, what would youhave?
A: Very large hands.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 45
Enthusiasm can be like a fire that needs an occasional poke with a stick.
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.” – Steven Wright
Out ’n About atPedro O’Hara’s
in Lewiston
High five right here, girlfriend!
with live music by The Whiskey Militia
Just wanna say
Hi to all mypeeps.
Q: How does a squidgo into battle?
A: Well armed
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201546
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.” – Mary Bly
“You might be a redneck if… you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.” – Jeff Foxworthy
Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.
61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com
Come see us at our NEW Location!We’re now at
61 Mill Street in New Auburn
(in the old Pontbriand Hardware building)
The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?
740-6316
Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12
Walk-insWelcome
$10 CUTS184 Turner St. Auburn (Next to Coastal T-shirts)
hwilliamsbarber.com
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
Brad’s Precision Auto
• Appointments required• Fully warranteed & certified• $60/hr labor rate
NO PROBLEM!
333-0364 Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory(back) Marek, Eli & John
Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...
We love power
tools!
8 teachers offering lessons in:Guitar, piano, bass, voice, banjo, mandolin, violin, brass
& woodwinds & music theory
Authorized Fender Service Center 376-3376
134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com
Main St. Music Lessons& Instrument Repair
Picks • StringsTuners
Metronomes
We carry quality new & used instruments • Call us for service on any instrument that needs repair.
CALL NOW TO BOOK YOUR LESSONS
Time TravelerSubmitted by Thomas Hill
If someone from the1950s suddenly ap-peared, what would bethe most difficult thingto explain about lifetoday?
One answer: “I possess a device inmy pocket that is capa-ble of accessing theentirety of informationknown to man. I use itto look at pictures ofcats and get into argu-ments with strangers.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 47
“You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntingdog.” – Jeff Foxworthy
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
Your Sweetheart deserves the gift ofRELAXATION
185 Webster St., Lewiston • 783-0200
Get her a Gift Certificate forthe Best Spa Pedicure in L/A!
Valentine Ball Updo Special!Book with Debbie (Basic Updo starts @ $25)
An IMPOSSIBLE Brain TeaserAnswers to puzzle on page 18.
Sponsor
The Perfect Valentine’s Gift
We are your cleaning solution!• Excellent References, Dependable & Trustworthy
• Complete Home & Office Cleaning
• Move-ins & Move-outs, Construction Clean-up
• Daily, Weekly & Monthly Programs
Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction GuaranteedFREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates
Call Chrissy TODAY!
Out ’n About atPedro O’Hara’s
in Lewistonwith live music by
The Whiskey Militia
This is my other good side.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201548
“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” – Tom Peters
“Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
Gary & Elaine HemenwayOwners of Payroll Management accept the Business Leadership Award,
presented by Robin Robbins & Hillary Dow.Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
If there's so much laborsaving machinery, why don't we have more free time?
Out ’n About at the Chamber Awards Banquet
Out ’n About at theChamber Awards
Banquet
Shawn & TanyaCornish
Jimbo Marston & Kurk Lalemand
of Next Level Business Coaching
Betsy Libby & Jean Blais
Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME
Shawn’s Lawns can’t come soon
enough!
By the time the wed-ding planner finallybothered to order theflowers there werenone left.
The service ended up being quite lackadaisical.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 49
“Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.” — Warren Buffett
"I must remember this" I say to myself, as I instantly forget what it is.
Enjoy Valentine’s Dayat
Dine with us on Valentine’s Night andyou will be entered to win our RomanticPackage for Two:
• Dinner for Two at Sea40• Overnight Stay w/Breakfast at the Hilton Garden Riverwatch• One-hour massage for two at Cassiel’s Day Spa• Bouquet of Roses from Sweet Pea Designs
All reservations made before Feb. 12th will be entered to win thisdrawing. Winner will be announced on Sea40’s Facebook page on themorning of Feb. 14th.
Prize will be given upon reservation check in(Sea40 has the right to cancel or amend special promotions at their
discretion without notice or compensation and reserves the final right to make such decisions.)
Call today for your dining engagement
795-6888
40 East Avenue, Lewistonwww.Sea40.com
Follow us on Twitter & Facebook
for Promotions &Give-a-ways!
Out ’n About atPedro O’Hara’s
in Lewistonwith live music by
The Whiskey Militia
It’s easy to get lost in
a sea of people...
Scott Welsh &Bill Welsh
Father & son dynamicduo at Pedro’s
At the store today,when the cashier said,"Strip down facing me"apparently she was re-ferring to my creditcard!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201550
My BFF is a Bowl of Fattening Food.
Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin and muffins are healthy;
You’re welcome.
743-3891
70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com
Now serving Lewiston & Auburn!Call us for a FREE quote.
Serving: Norway • West ParisMinot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford
& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!
No Separating Required!
Roland Berube, Kim Ray & Jim Laliberty
Out ’n About at Pedro O’Hara’s in Lewiston
Cutting Room floor tidbits
Barry Morrill & Matt Drewaltried to sneak this photo into our “Sweetheart” Con-test. They do make a cute couple, but the editors at
UAD would have none of it.
For every mile of road there's two miles of ditch.
I pick things up and put them
down.
Pure FaithSubmitted by Thomas Hill
Two nuns were driving
down a country road
when they ran out of
gas.
They walked to a farm-
house and a farmer
gave them some gaso-
line, but the only con-
tainer he had was an
old bedpan.
The nuns were happy
to take whatever they
were offered and re-
turned to their car.
As they were pouring
the gasoline from the
bedpan into the tank of
their car, a minister
drove by.
He stopped, rolled
down his window and
said, "Excuse me, sis-
ters. I'm not of your re-
ligion, but I couldn't
help admiring your
faith!"
Happy Valentine’s
Day
That guy from the transmission shop looks kinda shifty.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 51
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
The yogurt aisle is so confusing now: It's all Greek to me.
All
of t
he a
bove
wit
h on
e ph
one
call!
Unc
le A
ndy’
s D
iges
t • 7
83-7
039
• Unc
leA
ndys
.com
• ed
itor
@U
ncle
And
ys.c
om
Out ’n About at
Chocolat6th Annual Chocolate
Competitionat the Green Ladle
Lewiston HS Campus
Rolly Blais &Mary Bolduc
Rolly’s Diner
Austin PerraultCentral Maine
Community College
Megan Labbe &Tamara Morgan
Green Ladle students
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201552
We had social networking back in the day. It was called
“go outside and play”.
Of course women don’t work as hard as men. They get it right the first time.
Out ’n About at
Chocolat6th Annual Chocolate
Competitionat the Green Ladle (LRTC),
Lewiston HS Campus
Michele Bisbee &Daisy Taylor
Bates College
Annette RoyChocolat Lover
Her 6th year attending (and working)!
The Digest is awesome! I look
forward to it everymonth!!
Sadie Blais, Chris Page& Jordan Blais
Rolly’s Diner
Cathy, Darren, Zayda & Xen MorseRolly’s Diner
LadiesTees
Submitted by Jimbo
A husband and wifewho are avid golfershave been happilymarried for 30 years,and on the day of their30th anniversary theyenjoy a wonderful daytogether. They have adelicious breakfast inbed, then proceed toone of their favoritegolf courses. They playthrough to the 9th hole,both having an amaz-ing game. The hus-band watches hisbeautiful wife tee offand feels a rush ofemotion and guilt.
"Honey, I have to tellyou something. At thevery beginning of ourmarriage, I was withanother woman. It onlyhappened once andI've been faithful eversince. It was a mistakeand I hope you can for-give me."
The wife looks fondlyat him. "I forgive you.We've had a veryhappy life together. Ilove you."
The husband is so re-lieved, feeling light asa feather. They play afew more holes in blisswhen suddenly thewife turns to her husband.
"Honey, I too havesomething to confess."
(continued on next page)
Chocolate is goooooooooood!
Out ’n About at Chocolat6th Annual Chocolate Competition
Rolly’s Diner 2015:
1st Place - Display
1st Place - People’s Choice
3rd Place - Judges Choice
A dog goes into a barand orders a martini.The bartender says,“You don’t see a dog inhere drinking a martinivery often.”
The dog says, “Atthese prices, I’m not
surprised.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 53I never use my turn signal. It’s nobody’s business where I’m freakin’ going.
POOL BUILDERS OF MAINEQuality Workmanship, Outstanding Service
1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com
27 Years Experience
SAVE $1,000!When you use your income tax
return on any above ground poolSee store for details
NOBODY
BEATS
OUR
PRICES!
Sweet February
Deal!
I drink coffee... for your protection.
My bucket list: Ice – Wine.
Valerie Estabrook & Melissa Audette
Out ’n About at Pedro O’Hara’s in Lewiston
Stephanie, Corrie, Lyndsay, Jerry & JeremyRepresenting Maine Gourmet Chocolate & Top It Frozen Yogurt Bar
Out ’n About at Chocolat6th Annual Chocolate Competitionat the Green Ladle (LRTC), Lewiston HS Campus
The husband smilesand says, "Anythingdear - you were so gracious to me, and wecan make it throughanything."
"Before we met, I hadan operation. I used tobe a man."
The husband throwshis club down andstarts swearing andkicking up turf.
The wife is in shock."But I forgave you foryour secret!"
The husband, redfaced, turns to her andsays, "All these years!All these years you'vebeen teeing off fromthe ladies tee box youcheater!!"
(continued from previous page)
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 201554
I can rise and shine. But not at the same time.
Therapy helps but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper.
Just Darn Good Deals
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
FREE SMALL BREAD STICKS
85 Center Street,Auburn • 784-8221PatsAuburn.com
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
1/2 OFF DINNER
at the Ramada490 Pleasant St. Lewiston • 784-2331
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃20% OFF
808 Main St. Lewiston
753-3054KellysFabricConnection.com
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502
Sabattus Main Street Market
Limit one per customer per visit.Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
1/2 PRICE PIZZA!
145 College St, Lewiston • 786-0785
Buy any small pizza,Get second @ 1/2 price!(2nd pizza equal or lessor value)
Not to be combined with other specials
InsideLewistonVariety
$3 OFF ANY LARGEPIZZA!
Expires 02.28.15 (UAD)
✃
SAVE $1.10
Grant’s Bakery525 Sabattus St. Lewiston
783-2226GrantsBakery.com
Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)✃
785 Main St.Lewiston
We’re more than purses!
$6 and UpHere’s Your Sign!
Hand painted signs by Amy Bean
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
FREE DESSERT
40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888Sea40me.com
Funny Classified Ads
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Actual Newspaper Adsand Classifieds:
AMANA WASHER $100.OWNED BY CLEANBACHELOR WHO SEL-DOM WASHED.
SNOW BLOWER FORSALE... ONLY USEDON SNOWY DAYS.
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEP-HERD, PART DOG
2 WIRE MESHBUTCHERINGGLOVES, 1 5-finger, 13-finger, PAIR: $15
TICKLE ME ELMO,STILL IN BOX, COMESWITH ITS OWN 1988MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO-MATIC, EXCELLENTCONDITION $6,800
TICKLE ME ELMO.NEW IN BOX. HARDLYTICKLED. $700
FREE YORKSHIRETERRIER. 8 YEARSOLD. UNPLEASANTLITTLE DOG.
GERMAN SHEPHERD. 85 lbs.NEUTERED. SPEAKSGERMAN. FREE.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY.LIKE NEW. SLIGHTURINE SMELL.
FOR SALE: LEE MA-JORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
February 2015 UncleAndys.com 55
I’m 99% sure you think I’m bitchy... And I’m 100% sure I don’t care.
If life’s a journey, mine is between the fridge and the computer.
Just Darn Good Deals
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃10% OFF
Total Order
770 Main St. Lewiston (Marden’s Plaza)783-4500 • SaucyPots.com
Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)
✃
$25 OFFAny service of $100 or more.
147 East Ave, Lewiston • 782-1125BerubesAutoCare.com
Complete Auto Care
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
BOTTOMLESS BOWLINGAll-You-Can-Bowl
Wednesdays 1PM – Close2 hours only $6pp.
(shoe rental extra)
24 Mollison Way, Lewiston • 786-2695Sparetimerec.com
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.15.15 (UAD)
✃FREEAdult Goodie Bag
($15 value) w/ every $50 purchase
w/ coupon; (Must be 18 years old)
675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451
740 Minot Ave, Auburn783-2981
myGeorgios.com
GEORGIO’S
Just mention this ad!
$1.00 OFFAny Breakfast Pizza
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Dad’s Place
$3 OFFExpires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
161 Lincoln St.Lewiston784-7042
LabadiesBakery.com
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD)
✃
Buy Any Meal at reg. priceGet 2nd at 1/2 price
The Library Cafe49 Spring St. Auburn
784-2300AuburnLibraryCafe.com
CHARMIN ULTRABATHROOM TISSUE-BONELESS
SHAKESPEARE'SPIZZA - FREE CHOP-STICKS
GEORGIA PEACHES -CALIFORNIA GROWN -89 cents lb.
CUTE KITTEN FORSALE, 2 CENTS ORBEST OFFER
WHIRLPOOL BUILT INOVEN - FROST FREE!
FREE: FARM KITTENS.READY TO EAT.
FROZEN SOFT & GEN-TLE BATH TISSUE - 4ROLLS 99 CENTS
1 AMERICAN FLAG -60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100
TIRED OF WORKINGFOR ONLY $9.75 PERHOUR? WE OFFERPROFIT SHARING ANDFLEXIBLE HOURS.STARTING PAY: $7 - $9PER HOUR..
(continued from previous page)
Katelyn Ingerson& Sidney Hill
It must be my birthday or
something...
The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.
Check out our NEWLY Designed website: UncleAndys.com
Visit us at our state of the art office at:730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pmFri. by appointment
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit
with results that you will be proud to show off.
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com
Same Day Emergency CareWe are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
Jimbo
Hey Tim,quiz time: What is it the Digest does
better than anyone else?
Tim Rucker
Well Jimbo, that list is pretty long... but getting businesses top of
mind awareness at anaffordable price is
a good place to start!