Grief: God’s Natural Healing Plan for Us

Bob Zima, MA/LCPC

www.bobzima.com

The Art of Healing

Both with 3 lettered names. Both have 66% of the same letters in their

name. One has a J and one has two Bs.They Have Lost Much

ChildrenLivelihoodHome

Two Unique Men – Years Apart

There is a man named Job. He Had Much. Then Lost:ChildrenLivelihoodHome

There is a man name Bob. He Had Much. Then Lost:ChildrenLivelihoodHome

Two Unique Men – Years Apart

Bob and Job:Remained Faithful, Had Friends

Who Comforted Who Suggested that Their Miss Fortune is Result

of Their Own Doing, They are Wicked, God is Angry with Them.

Considered Death as a Means to Heal,Begged to KNOW What They Did Wrong,Went from the Penthouse to the Outhouse,Require Healing.

Two Unique Men – Years Apart

Grief Is NOTONLY ABOUT Death & DyingEASYSIMPLEEver Finished!

The Art of Healing

Hard Work!INTENSE and PainfulCommunal Real World & TimeSkills FocusedA Natural HEALING

Process

Grief Is:

A “Customized” Plan Created for Us by GodPsalm 139 James 1God KNEW We’d Need Our Grieving Style & Skills

A Natural ProcessOften Avoided, Feared, Delayed and Even StoppedGrieving is HARD WORK

Behavioral and Skills-BasedLearn to Manage FearLearn to Heal HurtBe Truthful to Ourselves – Live Out Our Jeremiah

29:11.Honor God by Following His Plan for Us.

Grief Is:

Crisis – Storms of Life thatBreak Connections to

PeoplePlacesThings

Clean-Up the DebrisHurtFear

God Knows Crisis:Jesus in the GardenApostles Post Death – Upper Room

What Are We Grieving Anyway?

Trauma – The “Real Time” Results of the StormAutomatic Emotional Responses

FearHurt

Automatic Physical ResponsesStomach and/or Head AchesTense Muscles; Sore Back and

ShouldersLack of Sleep or AppetiteCrying

What Are We Grieving Anyway?

Recalled (Past) a CrisisImagine (Future) a CrisisExperience (Present) a Crisis

Our BODIES Respond – Fight/Flight/Freeze Response

Heart Rate IncreasesLung Capacity IncreasesMuscles TightenCortisol CoursesMouth DriesBlood Races to Extremities (Leaves Brain)

Effects on Our Physical Bodies

Mend the Broken ConnectionsReconcile When PossibleSeek and Give Forgiveness

Build New ConnectionsEngage SociallyTake Risks

Clean-Up the DebrisManage Our Fear –Adaptation SkillsHeal Our Hurt – Coping Skills

Heal Our BodiesMedical Support and Counseling.

We Grieve to:

Created by GodPsalm 139 – Our TemperamentJames 1 – Our Life ExperiencesAs Unique as We AreMUST Be Implemented By USCan Be a Series of Trials and ErrorsA Learning ExperienceMUST Be Used In Order to HEAL

Our Grief Style

A Continuum On Which We Oscillate

Two Styles of Grief

Martin and Doka, 1999Lie Along a ContinuumIntersect – Oscillation Impacts and

“Effects.”MAY Change With Ager/Experience/Skill

DevelopmentAvoid Assumptions of Style Based on Body

TypeRespect Even CELEBRATE Differences

Male Intuitive and Female Instrumental Disenfranchised at Times.

Two Styles of Grieving

Openly Express Emotions – OK with CatharsisStrong Affect Experiences - VENTINGCongruence Between Inner/Outer ExperiencesMUST Be Expressive to Heal.May OVERWHELM Others.

Attend Support Groups/Social Healing ActionsThe Safe Place to Vent and Just “Be.”

Validation, Ventilation, Time Off, Learning.Go to CounselingTeach Others

Indirect Expression (Book, Seminar)

Intuitive: Feeling to Healing

Love Solitary TimeTime to Think, Plan and Coordinate

Problem SolvingPhysical ActivitySpiritual Implications – Awakenings.

Need to Know, Knowledge and Information DigestionLogical Analysis – Take It InConceptualize – Make It Your OwnLook for Supporting Materials - Research

Express It – Storytelling & Humor.

Instrumental: Thinking to Healing

Control Emotions – Proud of this SkillUse Storytelling and humor to express

emotions that MAY BE CONSIDERD “unacceptable”

Safer to express emotions via story.Create Memorials – “Fix Things” They are

Problem Solvers!They are DOERS. Git ‘R Doners

Proud of Accomplishments and Control.

Instrumental: Thinking to Healing

Instrumental to Intuitive and Back AgainCatharsis to Problem Solver and Back AgainMental Wellness is HEALING in Action.Leveraging YOUR Healing/Grieving Style

(Psychological Fitness Skills) to Improve the Quality of YOUR Life

Learning, Expressing and Ritual.

Oscillation Between The Two

847.322.4591

mrbobzima@gmail.com

www.bobzima.com

Bob Zima, MA/LCPC