Post on 22-Jan-2018
SUSTAINING YOUR
MARRIAGE
In order to sustain the marriage institution,
both spouses must work on their marriage.
Yes, one can work more than the other, but
both must participate.
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Many marriages are in trouble. Of
course there are healthy, happy
marriages. But every
relationship has its challenges and
struggles.
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Some couples deal with those
challenges by calling it quits and
getting out of their marriage. Others
call it quits but decide to stay IN
their loveless marriage - they’re
divorced emotionally and physically
but are still married.
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Even if it’s just you, YOU
can decide to do whatever it takes
to save your relationship.
You can decide that your
relationship will have more love,
forgiveness and affection because
you, from this day forward, will be
more loving, forgiving and
affectionate.
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You are more powerful than you
realize and can do much more than
you know.
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Demonstrate a willingness to do
whatever it takes to regain trust and
sustain the marriage if problems
have arisen.
Be true to your word by keeping
your promise because regaining
trust won’t be easy. It requires your
deepest commitment and fullest
cooperation.
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If you are the spouse who has been
hurt and your spouse is seeking
your forgiveness, then I urge you to
do so. Your spouse knows they will
have to regain your trust.
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There are characteristics that are
important in the marriage. No matter
what marriage problems might
present themselves, when these
characteristics are present, problems
can be overcome. When even one
characteristic does not quickly
appear, the marriage is in great
danger.
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THE NEEDED CHARACTERISTICS
1.Be Humble
There is really only one enemy of
marriage and that is pride. When pride
goes unchecked, a healthy marriage
cannot exist. Humility gives us the
ability to recognize
our mistakes, admit our faults, seek
help from others, forgive and seek
forgiveness.
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Humility is the foundation upon
which every healthy marriage is
built. It is the most important quality
to sustain your marriage.
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2. Be Respectful
It is difficult to respect someone who
has hurt you. Normally when a
marriage struggles, some aspect of
respect has been lost. However, there
is a vast difference between not being
able to respect what a person has
done versus not being able to respect
any part of the person.
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Even if you don’t respect something
your spouse has done, they still
deserve some level of basic human
dignity. Even if you don’t respect
them as a husband or wife, being
able to find some area in which you
do respect them can go a long way
in rebuilding respect for them as a
spouse.
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Respect is always easier to expand
rather to create. When it is totally
lost, it is very difficult to rebuild. If
you can salvage respect, you
sustain your marriage.
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3. Be Merciful
Mercy is directly tied to humility. As
pride grows, our understanding of
our need for mercy diminishes. The
less we think we need mercy, the less
mercy we give to others. Problems in
a marriage cannot be solved without
the giving and receiving of mercy.
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4. Deal with disagreements productively
If you can see that endless
disagreements are driving you and your
spouse apart and are creating a wall of
separation, find a way to call a truce so
you can break through and be intimate
again.
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Identify the primary triggers that
have been leading to the arguments
and disagreements so you can
address the situation before it
explodes.
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5. Be willing to Communicate
Marriages cannot be saved without
communication. While ignoring
problems might give the
appearance of peace, true peace is
only found when we talk through
the serious issues.
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Open the lines of communication.
Share your feelings, thoughts and
concerns – especially about the status
of your marriage.
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If communication stops, the
marriage suffocates because
communication is the oxygen of
marriage. A key to marriage is not
agreeing on every issue, but it is
communicating about every issue.
Where communication is present,
problems can be solved.
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As you start communicating in a
spirit of love and understanding,
you will become more like caring
friends and less like dreaded
enemies.
You will eventually start growing
closer and closer.
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6.Be available to work together.
This is the most heartbreaking of
the requirements for a marriage to
work. It always takes two people to
make it work, but just one spouse
can end a marriage.
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No matter how much effort is put
into the marriage, if one of the
spouse’s chooses to end the
marriage, the marriage will end. It is
impossible for one spouse to take
up the burden and do the work for
another spouse. Each must be fully
involved to sustain your marriage.
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There is great hope for hurting
marriages. If both parties are willing
to do the work necessary,
communicate, give and receive
mercy, respect one another, and
have humility, you can sustain your
marriage.
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It’s always more work than
expected. But I’ve never known a
single couple who did the work
necessary who later regretted it.
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Finally
I thank God for my beloved wife in my
prayers on a regular and consistent
basis. I know that our spouses are a gift
from God, just as our children are, and
we should be thankful to God for them
and try to love and serve them and seek
ways in which to grow closer to them.
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