Preparing Caregivers to Communicate Effectively

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Welcome to the Military Families Learning Network Webinar

Preparing Caregivers to Communicate Effectively Using

Three Types of Communication Skills

This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-

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The Military Caregiving Concentration team has applied for 1.00 CE credit from NASW.

For more information on CE credit contact woundedwarrior@ag.tamu.edu

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Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph.D.

Preparing Caregivers to Communicate Effectively Using Three Types of Communication Skills

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph.D.Passionate About Family Caregiving

• Owner of MBP Consulting, LLC

• Professor Emeritus University of Wisconsin-Extension

• Over 25 years as an educator of family caregivers

• Personal and professional caregiving experiences

• mbpconsulting@tds.net

Who is with us today?

• Family Caregiver• Professional Caregiver• Professional who supports

caregivers• Both-currently caregiver and

professional

POLLING QUESTION

• Introduce three communication skills:• “I” vs. “You” messages• Assertive communication • Aikido communication

• Provide examples for each skill• Share additional resources on

communication skills

Today’s Goals

• Teach the three different communication skills to caregivers

• Identify situations where caregivers could use one of the communication skills

• Integrate the teaching of communication skills to caregivers when working with them

You will be able to…

What % of our communication is non-verbal?POLLING QUESTION

A. 45%B. 10%C. 55%D. 82%

• 55% body language• 38% tone of voice• 7% words we say

Communication is divided between:

• Verbal communication• Speaking-voice tone, volume, clarity

• Non-verbal communication• Body language

• Facial expressions• Posture• Gestures• Eye contact• Breathing• Muscle tension

Communication Review

• Check for• Congruence-words and body language

the same• Clusters-body language is all the same• Context-past history; role of individuals

Non-Verbal Communication

• Be attentive.• Stay focused• Avoid distractions

• Encourage conversation.• Avoid interruptions • Avoid being judgmental

• Confirm what was said.• Use open-ended questions• Paraphrase what you heard as needed

Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books.

Listening Keys

• Take signals from individual you are communicating with.

• Use words they understand• Respect mood & tone

• Beware of disclaimers.• “maybe”• “mostly”• “probably”• “but”• “might”• “usually”

Listening Keys cont.

• Identify a difficult conversation you have been putting off

• Who is it with?• What is the conversation about?• What do you want to accomplish?

• Express thoughts and feelings• Be honest and direct• Create harmony

A Difficult Conversation

• “I” Messages: promotes ownership of thoughts and feelings

• Assertive: helps to be open, honest and direct without hurting feelings

• Aikido: helps find common ground and build harmony

Three Communication Skills

• Takes ownership for thoughts & feelings

• Increases chances of being heard• Keeps conversation positive

“I” Messages

1. You never take me out since your accident.

2. I know you don’t feel uncomfortable being out but I still wish we would go out.

3. I really enjoy our time together when we are out and wish we had more of it.

4. I am hurt that you won’t take me out as I really miss our time together.

Which Message is an “I” Message?POLLING QUESTION

1. You never take me out since your accident.

2. I know you don’t feel uncomfortable being out but I still wish we would go out.

3. I really enjoy our time together when we are out and wish we could do more of it. “I message”

4. I am hurt that you won’t take me out as I really miss our time together.

Which Message is an “I” Message?

• Person feels attacked• Respond by “fighting back” or

withdraw• Increase anger & frustration• Doesn’t resolve problem or concern• Often hidden in “I” messages

“You” Messages

• Raising a concern• I hope we can discuss our relationship

so we can stop being upset with each other.

• Returning a problem• I know how disappointed you are in

not being able to return to active duty so how will you manage it?

Other Uses for “I” Messages

• State your intention and expectations• I expect you to be ready to go for your

appointment at 2:00 pm, when I get home from work, so you won’t be late.

• Expressing positive feelings & compliments• I get the impression you are

passionate about working with wounded warriors as it shows in the care you provide to Tom.

Other Uses for “I” Messages cont.

“I” Messages Fact Sheet

• Not aggression• Honest open communication• Shares feelings and thoughts

Assertive–Getting What You Need

• Statements are clear and direct• Does not blame or accuse• Uses “I” messages

Assertive–Getting What You Need

• Describe the situation• Express feelings• Specify what needs to be done• Consequences are spelled out

4 Steps to Assertive Communication

Caregiver Story–Cecil, Maria, and Ivan

• Describe-He is leaving the care of his dog, Buddy, to his parents. Buddy is confused about who he should be loyal to and a bond isn’t being established between the two of them.

• Express-Upset and concerned• Specify-Needs to take responsibility for the care

of buddy and to work on creating a bond with him so you can be independent.

• Consequences-Parents will share their concern about Cecil lack of responsibly with Buddy. One possible outcome is Buddy being taken away from him.

Caregiver Story–Cecil, Maria, and Ivan

Caregiver Story–Harold & Karen

• Describe- Stopped going to his counseling appointments to work on strategies to manage his anger.

• Express-Afraid about him hurting himself or someone when he becomes angry

• Specify-Need to continue working on managing anger and to identify what triggers it

• Consequences-Would feel terrible about hurting someone as he is not a violent person

Harold’s Stopped going to Counseling appointments

Assertive Style Fact Sheet

• Align- put yourself in the other person’s shoes

• Agree- find common ground• Redirect energies- focuses on

areas of agreement• Resolve problems-agree on

solution

Aikido Communication–Finding Common Ground

Caregiver Story–Matt and Sarah

• Align-proud of his accomplishments

• Agree-don’t want him to use walking aids

• Redirect energies-building and keeping strong muscles

• Resolve problems-workout with others

Caregiver Story– Matt and Sarah

Caregiver Story–Randy and Sandy

• Align-gone through a lot together and relationship grown

• Agree-desire to be independent & live alone

• Redirect energies-different ideas about what is needed before having a place of your own

• Resolve problems-meet with blind soldiers to hear how they gained their independence & keep positive relationship

Aikido Style Fact Sheet

Assertive Style• “Standing Tall”• Positive style• Direct, clear, straight

forward• Especially useful in:

• Setting limits• Asking for help• Advocating for

another• Making difficult

decisions• Dealing with difficult

communication interactions

Aikido Style• “Standing With”• Positive style• Less direct: more

gentle & supportive• Useful to:

• Defuse emotionally charged situations

• Help others feel they are understood

• Reduce anger• Balance emotions so

can deal with issues

Powerful Tools for Caregiver, Page 58

Differences

If one communication style doesn’t work try the other

Assertive & Aikido Styles

Aikido Style• Align-gone through a

lot together and relationship grown

• Agree-desire to be independent & live alone

• Redirect energies-different ideas about what is needed before having a place of your own

• Resolve problems-meet with blind soldiers to hear how they gained their independence & keep positive relationship

Assertive Style• Describe-difficult two

years and our relationship has grown but we have been fighting about what needs to happen before you live on your own

• Express-Concerned and fearful

• Specify-Need to seek outside help so we can reach agreement on what needs to happen before he lives on his own

• Consequences-relationship will suffer and we will continue to fight without coming to resolution

• Non-verbal communication• Verbal communication• Listening

Summary

• Three communication skills:• “I” Messages-promotes ownership of

thoughts and feelings• You Messages-feel attacked

• Assertive-is specific and direct. The four steps are:• Describe• Express• Specify• Provides consequences

Summary

• Communication skills cont.• Aikido-finds common ground and

builds harmony• Align-puts yourself in the other

person’s shoes• Agree-finds common ground• Redirect energies-focuses on

agreement• Resolve problems-agreeing on

solution

Summary

Was today’s presentation helpful in identifying which communication skill you would use for your difficult conversation?

A. Yes

A Difficult ConversationPOLLING QUESTION

• Family Caregiver Alliance• http://

www.extension.org/family_caregiving • Veterans Family Caregivers

• http://www.caregiver.va.gov/ • Military Family Caregivers

• http://www.extension.org/pages/60576

Resources

Questions or Reactions

• Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books.

• Robinson, L & Segal, J. Effective Communication: Improving Communication Skills in Business and Relationships. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm

• Segal, J. (2012, September). Non-verbal Communication: Improving Your Nonverbal skills and Reading Body Language. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm

• Thompson, J. (2012, September 30) Is Non Verbal Communication a Numbers game? Retrieved from Psychology Today. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-numbers-game

References

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Military Caregiving

May 28, 2014 @ 11:00 am EasternEffects of Visible & Invisible Parent Combat Injuries on Childrenhttps://learn.extension.org/events/1575

For more information on MFLN–Military Caregiving go to: http://www.extension.org/pages/60576

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Preparing Caregivers to Communicate Effectively

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