Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children

Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth

My favorite surveyWhy you’re hereWhy I’m hereThe Plan

Focus very briefly on foundations for optimal brain development

Have a conversation about four strategies for how parents can influence their children

Offer closing thoughts

Use more words Use blocks and other manipulatives Have less screen time Make emotional connections Touch in gentle and soothing ways Expose your children to music – and dancing Engage with books and reading Set limits – It’s okay to say no and then

show empathy When your child/teen is obnoxious and

nasty, the answer is always “No.”

What parents want

Parents generally want to know how to be a positive force or influence in their children’s lives . . . So their children turn out relatively happy and free (e.g., not in prison)

Direct Power

Indirect Power

Problem-Solving Power

Relationship Power

Grandma’s Rule

If—Then Consequences (Pre-set rules

– ex: curfew and communication)

Passionate Praise

Boring Punishment

Use your voice! (you can even

whisper)

Modeling

Encouragement

Character feedback

Wagers

Give choices

Solution talk: How did you manage . . . ?

Behavioral alternatives

What has worked before?

The 4 questions of choice theory What do you want? What are you doing? Is

it working? Should you make a new plan?

Mutual problem-solving

Use recreation and play

Use special time

Ask for a favor or I.O.U.

Guilt (I’m disappointed)

Everyday connection (“I love you”)

What will you remember?

What principles, strategies, or techniques could you start using right away?

http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1118012968,descCd-DOWNLOAD.html

To access 10 tip sheets and/or “follow” John’s blog go to johnsommersflanagan.com

http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/

http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/parenting/John%20Sommers-Flanagan%20Tip%20Sheets.html