Overcoming Obstacles to Self-Confidence

Presented by Monique TallonCEO, Highest Path Consulting

Agenda• Introduction• Why Does Self-Confidence Matter?• Definition of Self-Confidence• What are the Barriers to Self-

Confidence?• Tools for Building Self-Confidence

Who Am I?

My background

• 10 years in corporate environments in Silicon Valley

• Led large tradeshows and conferences for a Fortune 500 company

• Started Highest Path Consulting in 2008

• Executive coaching and corporate trainer in Diversity & Inclusion, Gender, and Leadership Development

Why Does Self-Confidence Matter?

It Impacts How We Value Ourselves

• According to studies, women believe they are 20% less valuable than men when asked what they deserve to earn in salary

Marilyn J. Davidson and Ronald J. Burke, Women in Management Worldwide (Aldershot: Ashgate, 2004)

It Impacts How We Perceive Ourselves

• According to another study, when asked to assess how well they answered questions on a quiz, women rated themselves as correctly answering 5.8 out of 10, men 7.1 out of 10.

• Their actual performance scores were about the same.

David Dunning, Kerri Johnson, Joyce Ehrlinger, and Justin Kruger, “Why People Fail to Recognize their Own Incompetence,” Current Directions in Psychological Science, no. 3

It Impacts Our Ambition

• The same people were asked to participate in a science competition.

• Only 49% of women signed up vs. 71% of men

David Dunning, Kerri Johnson, Joyce Ehrlinger, and Justin Kruger, “Why People Fail to Recognize their Own Incompetence,” Current Directions in Psychological Science, no. 3

It Impacts Our Voice

• During a Princeton study, they found women when in a minority, spoke 75% less than men when having to work together to solve a budget challenge

Christopher F. Karpowtiz, Tali Mendelberg, and Lee Shaker, “Gender inequality in deliberative participation,” American Political Science Review 106, no. 3 (2012)

The Result?

The Gender Gap Persists

• Because of lack of self-confidence and a lack of belief in themselves, women...

• Dont apply for certain jobs• Dont speak up and voice their opinions• Dont negotiate competitive salaries• Dont aim for jobs in STEM or male dominated

fields• Dont ask for a promotion • Fill in the blank...

So What is Confidence Really?

Success = Confidence, not just Competen

ce

Confidence Defined

• A belief we can create a successful outcome through our actions

• Confidence is a feeling we experience in ourselves

Confidence is What Sways

• Confident people are more admired to, listened to and have more sway in discussions and decisions.

Confidence = Happiness

• Confident people are happier, more fulfilled and feel more on purpose

Confidence turns thoughts into action.

What are the Barriers to Self-Confidence?

Gender Bias

Unconscious Bias

Lack of Supportive Mentors &

Role Models

Tools for Building Self-Confidence

First Step: Awareness

• Become familiar with the voices in your head!• What is your Inner Critic telling you?• What is the negative dialogue in your head

saying?• Start noticing the words that pop up and what the

impact is when you listen to them

Exercise#1: Identify the Inner Critic

• What are the words of your your Inner Critic? Jot them down on the handout.

• Examples: I’m not good enough, I’m not qualified, I’m not competent…

Next Step: Access Your Inner Mentor

• Replace the negative statements with positive ones from your Inner Mentor

• Jot down the words of your Inner Mentor on the handout

• Examples: I am perfect as I am, I deserve it, I am good enough…

Practice Makes Perfect

• Rewiring the brain’s neural pathways takes work

• Notice each time the Inner Critic shows up• Learn to access your Inner Mentor• Practice self-empathy and kindness towards

yourself

Lean Into Body Wisdom

Body Wisdom

• Helps us when we feel stuck or need to make a decision

• Helps us develop a positive relationship with our body

• Builds integrity and trust with ourselves• Practice and leverage in your day to day

Exercise #2: Body Wisdom

• Bring to mind a situation where you currently feel stuck or where you need to make a difficult decision

4-Step Body Wisdom Exercise

4-Step Body Wisdom Exercise

• Centering: Drop down into your body• Listening: Listen to your body’s signals –

emotions, feelings, sensations• Curiosity: Get curious to find out the

meaning behind those signals• Shifting: Make a new choice based on your

findings

Power Poses

Exercise #3: Power Positions

• Our brain is connected to our body and takes signals from the body

• Inhabit confident and powerful body language to shift your mindset

• Practice your power pose • Fake it till you make it

More Tips• Fail Faster• Leave your Comfort Zone• Don’t Ruminate• Don’t take things personally• Speak Up, without apology• Be authentic • Get enough sleep and exercise• Form supportive networks of women• Find your mentors/role models• Celebrate yours and others successes!

Thank You!

Get in touch:monique@highestpath.com

www.moniquetallon.comFB: facebook.com/m.svazlian.tallon

Twitter: @moniquetallon