NONFIC T ION

HalCrowther,criticandessayist,istheauthorofGatherattheRiver,afinalistfortheNationalBookCriticsCircleprizeforcriticismanessaycollection,CathedralsofKudzu:APersonalLandscapeoftheSouth,winneroftheLillianSmithBookAwardforcommentaryandtheFellowshipPrizefromtheFellowshipofSouthernWritersandAnInfuriating

OfGodandHisEnemiesC O N F E S S I O N S O F A M I L D A P O S T A T EB Y H A L C R OW T H E R

IN THEDAYLIGHTworld,logicissuchanelegant,efficientweapon,andreligionissuchaneasytarget.Onemanwithabriefcasefulloflogiclikeenrichedplutoniumcanleveltwothousandyearsoftheologyinfifteenminutes.ThepassionateneuroticMartinLutherneverdoubtedthepoweroflogic,whichiswhyherailedagainstitlikealunatic:Reasonisthedevilsbride,abeautifulwhore,andGodsworstenemy....Treadherunderfoot.Throwdunginherface.Youmustpartwithreasonandkillher,oryouwillnotgetintothekingdomofheaven.Alittlelogictakessuchadeadlytollamongthesacredcows,thatthe

literaryperformancesofbestsellingatheistsearnhigherscoresforshowmanshipthandegreeofdifficulty.ChristopherHitchens,RichardDawkins,andSamHarrisaremarksmenwhoseassaultsonGod,theBible,anddogmaticChristianitydefycoherentcounterattack.Yetmanyofus,comparablyarmed,mightdoaswell.Starthumbly,withOurFather.Agenderedorpigmented,orsexualizedGodisanideaofstaggering,risiblestupiditythatmanyChristians(andJewsandMuslims)havenotoutgrown.WhatdoesitmeantosaythatJesusChrististheSonofGod?Itwas

onceametaphor,no?ItmeantthatJesuswasamansouprightandcharismaticthatheseemeddivine.Amoreliteral,semanticallycorrectinterpretationofsonplacesussquarelyinthevastshadowofGodspenis.Metaphororcrudenonsense,takeyourpick.Allowingmyselfthatblasphemy,ImcomfortedbytheexampleofMarkWorth,aUnitarianUniversalistministerinCastine,Maine,whodaredtomakeasimilarobservationfromhispulpittoaratherelderly,ifnotconservative,congregation.Thissameclergymanopenedupaworldofalternativespeculationand

potentialstrifewhenheadded,Godisametaphor.Alllogicalpathsleadtotheatheistssmug,unassailabletruism,thatmancreatesGodinhisownimage,aclichthattruebelievershatealmostasmuchasskepticshateTherearenoatheistsinfoxholes.ButthereintheBiblerelentlessly,inourownunappetizingimage,isHe.TheGoodBook,declaredtheliteralWordof

American:TheIncendiaryArtsofH.L.Mencken(UniversityofIowaPress,2014).Crowthersworkalsoappearsinseveralanthologies,includingthe2014PushcartPrizevolume.HelivesinNorthCarolinawithhiswife,thenovelistLeeSmith.

GodbymanyChristianswhodontseemtohavereaditorwerewalkedthroughitblindfoldedbypreacherswithagendasissoembarrassinglyhumanthatacleveratheistlikeDawkinscanmaketheOldTestamentsoundlikeadizzyfarce.TheremarkablebookofLeviticus,richsourceoftabooandprejudiceforfundamentalists,canonlybetakenforcomedybyamodernreaderorforacasestudyofacuteobsessioncompulsion.Listeningforthemasteroftheuniverse,wehearinsteadtheheadmasterofsomethirdrate,unrulyboardingschoolwhoshalfunhingedbetweenaprurientinterestinthesexualiniquityofhisflockandafanaticaldeterminationtostampitout.WasthereeverameannunorpriggishpriesthalfaspickyasthisGodofMoses?ThepettifoggingGodofLeviticusisalsoGodtheurologist,thehygienist,thesexcounselor,andthedermatologisttheLordsaversiontoblemishes,onpeopleorsacrificialanimals,runsusintodeeppathology.Butnotingallthekinkythingsthesehumbledesertherdsmenwerealreadyuptohereatthedawnofhistorysodomy,bestiality,everyvarietyofincestitseasytosympathizewithMosesthetrailboss,laboringtokeephishornyHebrewsonthatelusivepathofrighteousness.AnditseasytowishthatsomeonelikeMosesorhismountaintopaltaregowerearoundtoday,toscaresimplepeopleintokeepingtheirpantsup.

PHOBIAS, GRANDIOSITY, AND gravecontrolissuesaretheleastoftheproblemsmodernpsychotherapywouldredflagforthealltoohumanauthorofLeviticus.Butthispurplefaced,officious,oftenridiculousrulemaker(readLeviticus15,subheadedConcerningBodilyDischargesintheNRSV)thoughhesresponsiblefortheabsurdnotion,stillwidespread,thattheLordofamilliongalaxiesisfascinatedbythesextricksofprimatesisfarfromtheleastattractiveGodwefindintheOldTestament.ItwasthepiddlingbookofNahum,aminorprophetsvisionofvengeanceontheAssyrians,thatbeganmyfallfromgraceamongproperChristians.AjealousandavengingGodistheLord,theLordisavengingandwrathfultheLordtakesvengeanceonhisadversariesandragesagainsthisenemies,NahumravedandtheMethodistSundayschoolteacherreadaloud,andI,eight,raisedmyhandtoask,WhyshouldIlovemyenemiesifGodhateshis?ThisteachersresponsetomyinfantlogicwasmuchinthespiritofMartin

Luther.Butitwasoneofmymiddleagedrevelations,readingaGideonBibleinadoctorsofficewhenIwasfifty,thatcaughtmeunawaresandconvincedmethatreligiousindoctrinationofchildrenleavespermanentintellectuallesions.ReadingfirstofJoshuasappallingmassacreatJericho(men,women,infants,livestock),andthenthegruesomepassageinSamuelwhereDavidwinsSaulsdaughterinexchangefortheforeskinsofonehundredslaughteredPhilistines,itcametomebelatedlythatbiblicalvictoriesJudeoChristianchildrenweretaughttoapplaudasourveryownJericho,DavidtopplingGoliathwereactuallyaccountsofserialgenocide

renderedbythegloatingperpetrators.Inspiredbytheirgloatinggod.TheonlyfaultinthesemurderedtribesanddevastatedcitieswastheirfailuretoworshipthegodoftheHebrews,ofwhom,ofcourse,theyhadneverheard.HistoriansandarchaeologistssuggestthattheconquestsoftheancientHebrewsaregreatlyexaggeratedintheBible.ButthisfiercemartialgodoftheirsismuchlikethegodswemeetinHomersIliad,stainingtheirbladeswiththebloodofmenonthewindyplainsofTroy.AsopposedtosciencesBigBangtheoryfortheoriginsoftheuniverse,

theOldTestamentoffersaBigBoytheoryvirtuosoCreationbyagodsomale,macho,mean,andmuscleboundthatlesserbeingsapproachhimtrembling.(Iftheskygodreligionsarentpreciselyallaboutthesubjugationofwomen,assomefeministssuggest,itremainsoneoftheirmostconsistentandunsavoryachievements.)Theoldreligionisprettyhardtoswallowwithoutaneffectivetestosteronefilter.Andthisimageofatruculent,jealous,uncompromisingGodYahwehorthehighway,basicallyisanunfortunatebiblicallegacythatsurvivesinunattractivewaysamongChristians,Muslims,andthemostorthodoxofJews.Monotheismwasamixedblessing.TheOldTestamentisamixedbag,bothamasterworkandapieceofwork.Savagery,StoneAgeignorance,andgrindingrepetitionarerelievedbysoaringpoetry,bysongsoflonginganddevotionthathaveleftindeliblemarksonalltheliteratureoftheWest.ThetroublewithAmericanswasneverthattoomanyofthemreadtheBible.Thetroublewasthattoomanyofthemreadnothingelse.IfyoutaketheBibleliterallyyoureadunce.Ifyouhaventreadityourea

barbarian.Youcancometoitwithallsortsofbaggage,witheveryvarietyofprejudice,andfindtheBiblefascinating.Theonethingyoumightwishtoleaveathomeisyourlogic.Scriptureisliteraturewithamarblingofancienthistorynotwohistoriansagreeonhowmuch.Howwillwemaintainthecriticalseparationofchurchandstate,atheistscomplain,ifpeoplecantseparateliteraturefromrevelation?ScholarstheorizethatthewritersandcompilersoftheBiblecertainlyknewthedifferencebetweenmyth,metaphor,parable,andactualfact,andtheywouldbestunnedtofindtheirworkengravedonstonetabletsbyliteralmindedmoderns.Butthisissuchanoldandintractableimpassethattheatheistcrusadersmightbegintoboreme,inspiteoftheirpolishedreasoningiftheywerentclearlyfocusingtheirwarningsontheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Inthedaylightworldwherefacts,probability,science,anddeductivethinkingcountforsomething,logicrulesandsuperstitionhangsitshead.Butthereareplaces,andtheUnitedStatesisoneofthem,wherewedontseeasmuchdaylight.

THE REL IGIOSITY OF todaysAmericaissomethingtrulyremarkable,understatesRichardDawkins.Itsworthnotingthattwooftheseatheistauthors,DawkinsandHitchens,areBritons(Hitchenswasrecentlynaturalizedhere)andthatCatholicandAnglicanclergyinGreat

Britainwererecentlyadvisednottoweartheirclericaldogcollarsoffduty.Besidesattractingthieves,saidNickTolsonofBritainsNationalChurchwatch,thecollarsmayprovokeindividualswithagrudgeagainstGod.GrudgesagainstGodarelesscommoninAmerica,where92percentofthepopulationclaimstobelieveinhim,presumablywithoutanimus.BritonsandothereducatedWesternersareastoundedbytheapparentgullibilityofAmericanChristians,whoalsoprofessoverwhelmingcertaintyaboutsuchfranklyarcanetheologicalcuriositiesasthevirginbirth(83percent)andworkingangels(75percent).InEurope,evenafterallthemurderandupheaval,thedevastationofthe

twentiethcenturyperhapsinpartbecauseofitthesagesoftheEnlightenmentmightyetrecognizethefruitoftheseedstheyplanted.GreatBritainisnowterminallysecularized,accordingtocolumnistGeoffreyWheatcroft:ChurchofEnglandservicesareregularlyattendedbyfewerthan2percentofthepopulation,andallChristianchurchescombinedattractabout7percent.InPrague,whichboastssomeofEuropesmostbeautifulecclesiasticalarchitecture,acathedralguidetoldmethat90percentoftheCzechsleavechurchestothetouristsandfaithtotheancestors.Europeschurchesareempty,andtraditionalreligiousleaders,includingthepope,havelostmuchoftheirinfluence.Butthosesameseedsofreason,sowninAmericawithsoaringexpectations,failedtogerminateorsentupstrange,bitterfruit.Whenpollsindicatethatthreequartersofusanticipatealiteral,harpandhaloheavenandoverhalfembraceacreationistviewofEarthsorigins,Europeansblinkindisbelief.Butamusedcondescensionturnstoalarmwhentheforeignerrealizesthatthisisalsoacountrywheredoubtingwhatnothoughtfulpersonfailstodoubtcanmakeyouapariah,evenafugitive.SamHarris,ourfirstatheistcelebritysinceMadalynMurrayOHair,warnedaninterviewerfromtheWashingtonPostthatanypersonalinformationaboutHarriswherehelivesorstudies,evenmightexposehimtoviolentreprisalsfromthereligiousRight.Religiousdoubtscanmarginalizeyourcitizenship.Arecentpresidential

candidatewasapracticingMormon,andanotherwasaDarwindenyingBaptistliteralist,implyingthathethinkstheearthisfourthousandyearsoldandthatdinosaursfrolickedwiththeFlintstones.DeclaredhomosexualsandsocialistshavebeenelectedtopublicofficemainlyinNewEnglandbutnoavowedatheisthaseverbeenelectedandaccordingtopollsneverwillbe.Theresnobelieftoowildorsillytodisqualifyacandidate,apparently,butslightlyoverhalfofAmericanspolledagreethatdisbeliefisanautomaticdisqualification.TheendlesshoopspoliticiansmustleapthroughtoreassureChristiansoftheirabidingfaithwoulddisgustperformingdogsandsealions.Europeansareappalled.Religiosityseemsatleastasimportantforpublicofficeasleadershipqualities,saidGermanpoliticalscientistKarlKaiser,quotedbyRogerCohenintheNewYorkTimes.TheentranceconditionfortheAmericanpresidentialraceisbeingreligious.Ifyourenot,

youhavenochance.Eachelectioncycleseemstocompoundthisritualofpublichumiliation

asifthespiritualtestimonyofRudyGiulianiorHillaryClintoncouldinfluenceanyvoterwithopposablethumbs.ThecablenetworkCNNsetdemocracybackahundredyearswhenitconfrontedRepublicanpresidentialcandidateswithavideotapedChristianholdingupaBibleanddemanding,Doyoubelieveeverywordofthisbook?JohnMcCaininformedusthattheConstitutionestablishedtheUnited

StatesofAmericaasaChristiannation.Anamazingbitofignoranceorwhoring,this,becausethetruthistheexactoppositethereisnomentionofGodorChristintheConstitutionandverydeliberatelyso,sincethefoundersgreatestfear,besidesthereturnofKingGeorgetohangthemall,wasthattheirgloriousexperimentmightbecompromisedbytheEuropeancurseoftheocracy.Afteralltheseyearsasapublicservant,inthearmedforcesandtheSenate,youwouldsupposethatJohnMcCainhadreadtheConstitution.Evenwithalltheamendmentsitsnotlong,andyoucanfinditonpage498ofthenewWorldAlmanac.Whyus?isaquestionmanyAmericanwritershavetriedtoanswerwhy

somanyofushaveregressed,devolved,andrevertedtomedievalsuperstitionsthatrepelledmostofthearchitectsofourrepublic.Itsbeenattributedtoisolationandoverconfidence,tothemetaphysicalselfindulgenceoftheprivileged.Mybestguessisthateducationhasnotkeptpacewiththeruthlessdemocratizationofourculture.(Thelastshallbefirstisarecipeforanintellectualtrainwreck.)Americanspiritualityisverybroadbutpainfullythin.AccordingtoaHarpersMagazinearticlein2005,lessthanhalfofournominalChristiansareabletonamethefourGospels.Insofarasthereisareligiousrevivalinthiscountry,itappearstoberootedincasualignoranceratherthanthereligiouseducationandmeditationthatconfirmedpreviousgenerationsofbelievers.MarkC.Taylor,whoteachesreligionatWilliamsCollegewhereIoncestudieditcomplainsintheNewYorkTimesthatconservativeChristiansarenowamongthequerulousminoritieswhoprotestthatfreespeechmakesvictimsofthem.Religiouscorrectnessissimplythelatestversionofpoliticalcorrectness,writesTaylor.Indeed,itseemsthemorereligiousstudentsbecome,thelesswillingtheyaretoengageincriticalreflectionaboutfaith.Contemplatingthevast,smugtargetwepresent3.8millionsquaremiles

ofhypocrisy,sanctimoniousness,andintoleranceitsnotsurprisingthattheatheistsandfreethinkersoftheworldarelockedandloadedandfixingtheUnitedStatesintheircrosshairs.ConsideringthesizeoftheChristianpublishingindustry,itsnotsurprisingthataliterateminoritylongconsignedtothepitsofhellisstrikingback,lessincontemptofGodthanindefenseofcommonsense.WhatsastonishingisthattheirbooksaresellingsowellinAmerica,wherescarcely5percentofthepopulationwillconfesstoagnosticism,farlessoutrightrejectionoftheLord.SamHarrisenjoyedlong

runsonthebestsellerlistswithbothTheEndofFaithandLettertoaChristianNation,andRichardDawkinssTheGodDelusiondominatedhardcoverandpaperbacklistsformonths.ChristopherHitchenssGodIsNotGreatwasnolesssuccessful,andHitchensscaledthechartsagainastheeditorofThePortableAtheist,aselectionofreadingsfornonbelievers.Thankstotheatheists,nearlyanybookwithGodinthetitlecanexpecttobepublishedenthusiastically.ThoughdebunkingthebiblicalGodisscarcelymoreintellectuallychallengingthandefendinghim,theGod/NoGodgamehasbecomeareliable,apparentlyinexhaustiblefranchiseforAmericasbeleagueredpublishers.RighthereinGodsCountry,itstheimprobableHouroftheAtheist.And

yet,whenatheistsandagnosticsheldtheir2007conventioninMadison,Wisconsin,inayearofgrowthandrhetoricaltriumph,theeventattractedsometenthousanddoubtersfewersoulsthansomeChristianmegachurchesholdforasingleservice.IsitshockvaluealonethatcreatesamarketforaChristopherHitchens,whosubtitledhisbookHowReligionPoisonsEverything?Istherealongslumberingspiritofrebellionagainstfundamentalistbullies,abacklashofseethingPatRobertsonhaterswaitingtobeexploited?Oreventhefirstfaintglimmerofadawnofreasonacrossthesefruitedplains?IwishIknew.Theresnogroundbreakingscienceorscholarshipinthesebooksbutarepriseforapopularaudienceofwhatscientists,philosophers,andothereducatedindividualshavebeenthinkingforgenerations,inmanyinstancesforcenturies.TheresnotmuchthatJeffersonwoulddisavow,orVoltaire.ForyearsIveplowedsomeofthesamehardgroundmyself,notdenyingtheGodofMosesinsomanywordstothebestofmyknowledgethatsstillacapitaloffenseinNorthCarolina,whereImknowntolivebutdeployingironyandinconvenienttruthstodiscouragecreationists,millenarians,crossclutchingracists,andotherCroMagnonChristiansoftheSouthernsynod.Snarlshavebeenplentiful,encouragementlimitedtotheusualfellowtravelers.ThereisnoEnlightenmentgroundswellintheCarolinas.AgaybusinessmanwasrunningfortheSenate,butatheistsarestillhidingintheGreatDismalSwamp.Iveheardonetheorythatfundamentalistsarebuyingupatheistbooksto

takethemoutofcirculation,tocramforrebuttals,andtodiscoverwhatthecursedanddamnedandarticulateareactuallythinking.Thisisnotimplausiblebecauseitseemstomethatthestrongestpointstheauthorsmakeareonesthatmostoftheirnaturalreadershavealreadyconcededandthattheirnaturalenemieswouldneverentertain.Theorthodox,anthropomorphic,widelyretailedGodtheyaimtodislodgewiththeirseriousthinkingisnotagodthatmanyseriousthinkershaveembraced.Unlikeinsecureconservatives,Americanliberalsdontbuybooksbythemillionsjusttoconfirmestablishedprejudiceandcongratulatethemselves.Whoexactlyistheatheistauthorstargetreader,inacountrywherethe

rationalmicrominoritysaysofcourseandthemajorityreachesforapitchfork?AttheheartofAmericasreligioussingularityisanunimaginablegulf,thegulfthatstretchesbetweenmeandHaroldCamping.IdiscoveredHaroldontelevisioninNewYorkCity,ofallplaces.Though

Ivelivedinseveralforeigncountriesandtraveledinmany,IcantsaydefinitivelythattheresnoonelikeHaroldanywhereelseintheworld.ButIdbetonit.Iwasinmyhotelroomlateatnightchannelsurfing,lookingforalmostanythingbutadoseofJesus.MythumbfrozeontheremoteatfirstglimpseofOpenForumwithHaroldCampingonacablechannelatthehighnumberendofthedial.Histheme,inadecrepit,haltingmonotone,wastheTimeofGreatTribulation,whichbeganin1988andwillendwithafulldressflamingArmageddonin2011.FromthebookofRevelation,naturally,butonHaroldsownurgenttimetable.Ancient,stiff,roboticinadarkbluesuitandabigyellowtie,possiblyfightinghiswaybackfromaseriesofischemicevents,Haroldconveyssuchacosmic,heartrendingstupiditythatwatchinghimislikesufferingaviciousblowtotheforebrain.WasIhisonlyviewer?No,no.Haroldsisacallinshow,andNewYorkisfullofsadisticinsomniacs.Yes,Cheryl,whatisyourquestion?hecroaks.Isitasintohaveoralsex?Imsorry,Icantunderstandyou,repliesHarold,perhapsstonedeafor

honestlyuncomprehending,mostlikelystallingandprayingforguidance.Sheasksagain,justasclearly,andHaroldpusheshissecretbuttonandsays,Imsorry,letsmoveontothenextcaller.HowdoesonegettobeHaroldblindtoreason,blindlycommittedtothe

luridandtheimpossible?ThebookofRevelationdominatestheimaginationofahugetribeofChristianwingnutslikeHaroldCamping.ItsanAmericanaberrationBritishwriterscolorfullydeplore.OneofIanMcEwanscharactersdescribesRevelationasaluridandabsurdfantasydevisedbyapostIronAgemystic,andoneofZadieSmithscallsitthelaststoponthenutsoexpress.Revelationchapter19,whereChristonhorsebackslaughtersmultitudeswithhisswordandleavestheircorpsesforthevultures,isChristianityatitsmostwarpedandrepellent.EvenMartinLuther,thatgreatenemyofreasonandoftheJews,foundRevelationsodistastefulthatheexiledittotheappendixofhisGermantranslationoftheBible.Itoughttobesealedinavaultsomewhere,availableonlytosoberscholars,andstrictlyofflimitstoChristianswithhighbloodpressureandelevatedgullibility.Revelationistheurtextoftheaddled,andtheveinthatHarold

representsisunique,Ithink,toAmericanChristianity.Butmanyarestrained,bettereducatedChristianhasheardthecallofthewild.ManyofushavelostatleastonefriendtotheclosingdoormarkedBornAgain,aformerfriendforeverafterglowing,boring,andutterlyinaccessible.ImsurethisneverhappensinBelgiumorNorway.

RichardDawkinsandChristopherHitchensarentactuallytryingtoreachacrosstheGreatAmericanGodGulf,Idontthink,butinsteadarerailingatitrailingatitsexistenceanditsexasperatingwidth.TheyrearguingwiththemselvesHowcanwebesoright,yetsofewandsodespised?notwithHaroldCamping.Frustrationaccountsforthebelligerenttoneoftheirchallenges,presentednotintheequablespiritofdebatebutlikeLuthernailinghisninetyfivethesestothechurchdoorinWittenberg.Hitchensssincerityhasbeenquestionedbecausehesanotorious

contrarian,amanwhosupportedthewarinIraq,chieflybecause,Isuspect,hecalculatedthatitwouldscandalizeeveryoneheknew.Imwillingtoconcedethathisatheismisheartfelt.Noonecanaccusehimofcommercialexpediency,peddlingatheismtoAmericans.YetinspiteofhisexplicitdenialsIamnotoneofthosewhosechanceatawholesomebeliefwasdestroyedbychildabuseorbrutishindoctrinationHitchensisasurlyapostatewhomatchesthebarkandthebiteofformerChristianspersonallyinjuredbyGodsselfappointedemissaries.ThoughnoneoftheprominentatheistauthorsappearstobedescendedfromtheviolentbullwhipBaptistsimmortalizedbypoetJamesDickeyinMayDaySermon,thoseofuswhoreveresweetReasonareunaccustomedtoseeingherdefendedwiththescorchedearthferocitytheybringtothisbattlefield.

THE JOY OF theologyisthatanyonecanplay.TheintellectualbarwassetverylowbyearlyChristiantheologians.Necessarilylimitingtherangeoftheirinquiry,backwhenasteptoofarcouldgetascholarstonedorburnedalive,thebestmindsofthepreReformationchurchwroteamountain,nay,acordillera,ofclevernonsense.Anywellinformedlaypersoncanmakeabonfireofitwithoutapologizingforinadequatecredentials.AneruditeatheistlikeHitchensorDawkinscansweepawaytheentireedificewithoutintellectualpresumption.I,inmyturn,withoutapologyandwithoutDD,candigawayattheblindspotsandmisleadingassumptionsintheatheistcritique.Cutadriftfromempiricalevidence,religiousattitudesaredisconcertinglypersonal,ofteninseparablefromautobiography.Personally,InevernursedsuchagrudgeagainstGod.WhenIreadHitchens,IgranthispremisesandendorsehisreasoningandsharehisrepugnanceforthestrangeYankeetheoculturewherewebsitescalledGodTube.comandMyChurch.orglureonlinedriftersintotheevangelicalorbit.HitchensandIresideonthesamesideoftheGreatGulf.Butaboylikeme,raisedbymildUniversalistsandreservedEpiscopalians,wasunlikelytodevelopHitchenssvisceralcertaintythatreligionisunadulteratedsocialpoison,aviralinfectionthatleftuntreatedwilldestroyusall.EvenmyencounterwithMethodistSundayschoolandtheprophet

Nahumfailedtoleavemewithaheavychiponmyshoulder.Thoughmydoubtswereplantedearlyandgrewvigorously,Christiansnevertriedtoscareorcoerceme.IftheMethodistsinsultedmyintelligence,theydidit

gently.WhenItoldmyfathertheywerenotforme,hemerelynoddedandwrotedownBiblepassagesIcouldreadonmyown.WhenIaskedmyfather,amanwellreadandwelleducatedtowhatmanypeopleagreedwasafault,DoyoubelieveinGod,sir?heassuredmethathedidbutinaslyUnitarianmannerthatmademefeelhedhavemoretosaywhenIwasolder.Itneveroccurredtome,asaboyagnostic,thatanyadultworthquestioningbelievedliterallyinthesupernatural,logicandsciencedefyingfeaturesofChristiandoctrine.IassumedthattheywereagespecificmythslikeSantaClaus,maintainedfortheedificationofchildren.Itwasjustamatteroftimebeforewediscoveredwhatadultsreallythought.AtacertainageIdbetoldthetruthandadmittedtotheirfraternityofreason.Imstillwaitingfortheirsignal.Inevercalledmyselfanatheist.Ithought

itoverstatedtheevidenceandbetrayedanunscientificstreakofattitude,antisocialandselfinflating.IknewIwasaChristianinthelimitedsensethatmostofmyJewishfriendswereJewsculturally,inalooserwayethnically.Nopointinpretendingotherwise,withChristmastreetinselandEastereggyolkstillstickingtomybootsoles.ModernJews,Inoticed,didntseemtodemandasmuchholygingerbreadandotherworldlysizzleastheChristians,perhapsbecausehistoryhadtaughtthemthefutilityoffaithwithacapitalFwhenthebigbirdsofpreycometoroost.Intheircompany,ofcourse,Christianityembarrassedme.HowdoyoudefendasectsobloodymindedandobtusethatitcouldworshipaJewishgodandaJewishmessiah,basedontheJewishholybookandtheJewishcreationmyth,andstillmanagetwothousandyearsofantiSemitism,culminatingintheHolocaust?SmallwonderJewsrolledtheireyesattheChristianspectacle.IsuspectedJewishcondescensionwhereIsupposenonewasintendedbecauseitseemedsorichlydeserved.WhenPhilipRothinPortnoysComplaintwrote,TheJewsarebadenough,butthesegoysbelievethingsthatwouldshameagorilla,mycackleofapprovalmaskedashiverofguilt.

I TOOK A STAB atbelief,butfaithwaswheretheyalwayslostme.Faithinwhat,exactly?AjustGod?FromwhatIcouldsee,divineorpoeticjusticeisevenlessreliablethanthehumanvariety.ThatGodwatchesoverus?Themostdreadfultragedies,injustices,andcalamitiesoccurrelentlesslyonhiswatch.Noeyeisonthesparrow,JoanDidionwrites,resignedly,inTheYearofMagicalThinkingandsumsupthenonbelieversbriefagainstSundayschoolChristianity.Theafterlife?Anattractivenotionofgreatantiquitythatvanishesinapuffofsmokeifyouexamineittooclosely.ItsnotthatIcouldntseewhypeoplewantedtobelievetheunbelievable.Anyonecouldseewhy.Thequestionwas,how?Howdoyouclingsteadfastlytotheimpossiblewithoutsurgicallyrewiringyourprefrontallobe?BillyGrahamsJustgiveyourselftoChristpresupposesthatwereallwiredlikeBilly,whichwearenot.Ofcoursewedliketobelievethatallwillbewellandthatallofuswill

dwellintheHouseoftheLordforever,amen.Tobeatthedeathdread,whatbliss.Faithismentalhealthinsurance,andyoucantqualifywithoutagraduatedegreeindenial,acredentialmanyofuscanneveracquire.Wecompensateourselves,inadequately,withintellectualpride.IfBertrandRussellcametodinner,couldIcomeupwithapositiononreligionthatwouldntembarrassme?Aphilosophical,ascientificcatechism:Iamalivingcreature,notatheoreticalonelivingcreaturesdie,theresplentyofevidenceforthat.ThereforeIwilldieandberelievedoftheprivilege,thepleasure,andtheagonyofconsciousness.Whyshouldanyoneexpectmore?AcharacterinaPeterDeVriesnovel,someonescrustyoldfather,saidsomethingIremember:Reasonisshoes,religionisslippers.Ineveraskedforslippers.IfIfeltasyoudo,itwouldkillme,oneChristianconfidanttoldme.But

halfacenturylater,ithasntyetkilledmeordrivenmeinsane.Doctrinalreligionwaseithermetaphororwellseasonedhogwash,itseemedtomethenandseemstomenow.Therewasnothird,elaboratelyrationalizedalternativedesignedforthereasonableandreflectiveadultIhopedtobecome.Choosingmetaphor,IstillborenogrudgeagainstaGodwhocouldntconvinceme.HadIbelievedinahandson,allresponsibleGod,mygrudgeagainsthimmighthavebeenoverwhelming,worthyofmyvengefulHighlanderforebears.TheChristiansIloathemostaretheoneswhocontendthatAuschwitz,Verdun,andHiroshimawereallpartofGodsinscrutableplan.

THE FORMS OF theoldfaithdontembarrassme.IfIvemutteredThankyou,Lordonrareoccasionswhenthingswentmyway,Ithoughtofitasgoodmannersandappropriatehumility,notobeisance.(IfIvegroanedLetthiscuppassfrommewhenthingsdidntgowell,amInotingoodcompany?)Ivealwayslovedgospelmusic,preferablyAfricanAmericanIregretthatIcantsingtheoldhymnsaswellasmyfather.Aprisonerofmytheoculture,Iveevenbeenknown,inmomentsofdeepestanxiety,torecitetheLordsPrayer(FatherHitchens,forgiveme).Ineverisolatedmyselffromthechurch.IwasmarriedtwiceinChristianchurches,oncebyanEpiscopalpriest.ThisnonbelieversconfessionmightdrawmorevitriolfromHitchenshadnothehimselfoncejoinedtheGreekOrthodoxChurchtopleasehiswifesfamily.IstillattendEpiscopalianservices,aboutasoftenasIcaucuswiththeUnitarians.IliketheEpiscopaliansfortheirpoliticsandaesthetics,andfortheirdignity.Therestis,well,metaphor.ImaintainpolitedistancebydecliningtokneelortakecommunionGeorgeWashingtonwoulddoneither,IvebeentoldandbyremainingsilentduringtheApostlesCreed,ascrupleIlearnedfrommyfather.Trainedinthelaw,hewouldnot,hesaid,perjurehimselfinaholyplace.IdontdespisethecompromisesofmildliberalChristians.Religious

servicesencouragehumility,soberreflection,andmoralseriousness,allin

shortsupplyinmostareasofAmericanlife.Churchiswherepeoplegotopauseandpayattentiontosomethingmoreelevatedandnuancedthandailyanimalsurvival.Practicalreligion,theeverydaybusinessofthehonestclergyperson,isthescienceofhopemanagementneveranunworthyendeavor.Religionandlogicmaynotmix,buttheyrebotheffortstodosomethingmeaningfulwiththatmicroscopic.006percentofourDNAthatdiffersfromachimpanzees.Ofcoursenoneofthisconsortingwithbelievers,andrespectingthem,

qualifiesmeasaChristian.IfthebottomlineisthedivinityofChrist,Impermanentlyoutsidethecircle.TheJesusChristwhoimpressesmemostwashumanliketherestofus,notsomemysteriousspookfromtheskies.Ifhewaswiseandcompassionate,withavisionaheadofhistimeandthephysicalandmoralcouragetobemartyredforit,thenhewasamanofgenuineconsequence,agreatman.ImunmovedbymedievaltheologicalditherliketheTrinity.AlongwithRichardDawkins,Isaydiagramitontheblackboardsoascientistcanfollowit,orgoaway.ThomasAquinasandhisinductivereasoningareburiedinaquietcornerofoneofEuropesemptycathedrals.

BUT THEIR CONTEMPT forthelukewarm,culturalChristianityofsoberskepticsisnottheonlythingthatseparatesmefromaDawkins,Hitchens,orHarris.Idetectarecurringdisingenuousnessinthesebooks,aslynarrowingofthesemanticplayingfieldthatmakestheatheistvictorymorecertainbutlessconvincing.ThepertinentquestionforanintelligentreaderisneverDoesGodexist?orDoyoubelieveinGod?Togettotheheartofit,wehavetoaskwhatanindividualmeanswhenhesaysGod,whathemeanswhenhesaysbelieve,howhearrivedathisdefinitions,whytherearesomanydifferentanswers.WilliamJames,ascientistandpsychologist,neverclaimedthattherewere

literal,tangible,quantifiablecorrelativesfortheastonishingthingsChristianshavebelievedandperceived.Buthefoundtheirexperiencesfascinatingandcriticaltoacomprehensivestudyofhumanconsciousness.Acasefororagainstreligionrestsnotontrueoruntrue?butonthebehaviorreligioninspiresintheoneswhobelieve.ImenthralledbythestoriesandcasestudiesinVarietiesofReligiousExperience,butIsensethatouratheistauthorsfindthemnaive,archaic,andtendentious.James,tomysurprise,cannotbefoundintheindexesofTheGodDelusionorGodIsNotGreat,eventhoughhespecificallyofferedhimself,inaletterwrittenin1896,asamediatorbetweenscientificagnosticismandthereligiousviewoftheworld.James,oneofthesanestAmericanvoicesofthenineteenthcentury,no

doubtinfuriatesthetwentyfirstcenturyatheistwiththefacilewayhelinksreligiousbelieftothephilosophicalsystemknownaspragmatism:Thisfeeling,forcedonusweknownotwhence,thatbyobstinatelybelievingthat

therearegods(thoughnottodosowouldbesoeasybothforourlogicandourlife)wearedoingtheuniversethedeepestservicewecan,seemspartofthelivingessenceofthereligioushypothesis.Ineverdoubtedthatreasonwasthemostimportantthing,theminers

headlamp,faintbutreliable,withoutwhichwereforeverlostinthedark,bewilderinglabyrinthofourpeculiarexistence.ButIneverthoughtreasonwastheonlything,andthatswhereIsenseadistancefromRichardDawkinseasilythemostexpressiveandconvincingsingerintheatheistchoir.Doeshepretend,forthebenefitofhisarguments,nottounderstandwhatJamesmeansbythisfeeling,forcedonusweknownotwhence?Oristhisscientisthonestlyfreeofit,deafbynatureandtrainingtoitscall?Inpursuitofarhetoricalknockout,Dawkinsmaybealittleinsistent,evenhuffy,abouthisterminology.Deismiswatereddowntheism,hewrites,tooglibly,andPantheismissexedupatheism.Yetthepantheismhetherebyendorsesanddiminishes,asifitweresomekindoftimiddodge,describesmuchofthecreativereligiousthinkingofthepastfourcenturies.Respectmustbepaidtoreligiouspathslesstakenbutwellmarkedbythe

footprintsofgiants.ThefirstprophetoftheEnlightenmentwastheJewishphilosopherBaruchSpinoza.TheGermanromanticNovalisdescribedSpinozaasgodintoxicated,pronetooceanicfeelingsofonenesswithaninfinitenaturalworld,yetSpinozawroteintheseventeenthcenturythatGodandNaturewereoneandthesameandthatknowledgeofGodwasachievedbyreason,notrevelation.SpinozasGod,accordingtoIsraelischolarAvishaiMargalit,cannotexistwithouttheworldheisimmanentintheworldor,ifyoulike,heistheworld.SexedupatheismstrikesmeasanimpoverisheddescriptionofthepassionatepantheismSpinozameanttoexpress.RalphWaldoEmersonandthetranscendentalistswereSpinozasspiritualdescendants,andsowasAlbertEinstein,whowrote,Tosensethatbehindanythingthatcanbeexperiencedthereissomethingthatourmindcannotgraspandwhosebeautyandsublimityreachesusonlyindirectlyandasafeeblereflection,thisisreligiousness.AnothereloquentpantheististheKentuckypoetandessayistWendell

Berry:Icametoseemyselfasgrowingoutoftheearthliketheothernativeanimalsandplants.Isawmybodyandmydailymotionsasbriefcoherencesandarticulationsoftheenergyoftheplace,whichwouldfallbackintoitlikeleavesintheautumn.ThereligiouspoetandessayistAnnieDillardmarriedtoEmersonsbiographerRobertRichardsondefinesthegodofpantheistsinthesimplestlanguage:Godistheawarenessoftheinfiniteineachofus.IfthescientistDawkinsconcedespoeticpantheismsomewhatlessrespect

thanitdeserves,theremaybeanironyattached.SomeofthestrongestpassagesinTheGodDelusionexaminereligionthroughthelensofDarwinism,applyingevolutionarybiologytoexplainwhyhumanstendtobelieveingodsandsupernaturalbeingsandhowitmightbeinterpretedas

successful,naturallyselectedadaptivebehavior.Butcouldthegreatertolerancefortheunexplainedinthoseearlierscientists,JamesandEinstein,pointtoevolutionarychangeinthemodernscientist?FollowingDarwin,isitpossiblethatthehabitsofthinkingnowusefultoapersonofsciencecreateanarrowedfieldofperception?Challengedtofindalogical,mechanical,reductiveexplanationforeverythingunderamillionsuns,doesDawkinslosehisearforfainter,subtlernotesthatsustaintheartistandthepantheist?Theresmoreinthelight,EinsteinmighttellDawkins,thanphotons.

I M A STRONG partisanforscience,butnoinitiate.Haventmostscientists,likeothersensitivenonbelievers,experiencedsomeversionofoneofthosealteredstatesJamesstudied,thoseintimationsofimmortalitythatgeneratedreligioninthefirstplace?Asuddensensethatsomewhereinthisvast,violentuniversetheremaybeasmallcupofbenevolence,tranquillity,andsanityandthatevenyoumaybeallowedtotakeasip:isntthisthirst,andthispromise,familiartoeveryone?ImnottalkingabouttheaweandreverencewithwhichDawkinsandHitchensclaimtocontemplatethedoublehelixandtheMilkyWay.NoramItalkingaboutsomethingplainlyirrational,likeangels,virginbirths,andresurrections,butsomethingextrarationalnotcurrentlytobeexplainedorcategorized.Thisinstinctorpredilection,thishungerforthesacredandeternalthatJamesevokes,isathingthatexists,athingtowhichmanyofuscantestifyandtherearealsothingsthatsatisfyit.Inthecriticalmomentswhenthehungerissatisfiedandtheconnectionis

made,weneedtoremindourselvesnottomaketoomuchofthem.ThewordGod,evenasmetaphor,isaluxuryandaconcessiontoculturalconditioning.Evenasimpledeclarativesentenceaboutyourexperiencemaybeambitious,anddescriptionscouchedinNewAgejargonarenoxious.(NewAgershavevandalizedthewordspiritual.)Theresnoneedtointerpretyourencounteror,worse,tosqueezeitintosomeshopwornreligiouscontext.Ifyouhearawomansvoicewherethereisnowomanorthinkyouseeaspecterwearinganunsheadpieceliketheoneinashoppingmallmangerscene,dontwaitforamessagefromtheVirginMary.Foronething,sheneverexistedassuch,andifshehadshedspeaknolanguageyoucouldunderstand.Extrasensoryinsightdoesntmeananythingyouexpectedorwishedittomean,anditsnosignofspecialfavor.Thefirsttheologicalcrutchestheseriouspostbelieverthrowsawayarevanityandwishfulthinking.Wehumanbeingsarenotthechoseninheritorsandapotheosisofthemagnificentlifeforceofthisplanet,norarewethedarlingsofitscreator.Wearequitepossiblyitsaccidentalannihilation.Modern,ordainedclergy,truescholarswhoreplacedthechurch

apologistsofyore,havemuchtosaythatsupportsthepantheistoverviewnonemoreeloquentlyorpersuasivelythantheScottishtheologianJohn

McQuarrie,whodiedlastMay.Dr.McQuarrie,whosePrinciplesofChristianTheology(1966)washailedasamasterpiecebytheNewYorkTimes,deniedthedivinityofChristand,likeSpinoza,believedinaGodinseparablefromBeingitself.FaithsnameforrealityisGod,hewrote,andtaughtthatalltalkofGodismetaphorical,nevertobetakenliterally.ButheconcurredwithWilliamJamesthattalkofGodshouldbetakenseriously.HearguedforthetruthofnonChristianreligionsandsaidthisaboutheretics:Theonlyeffectiveanswertoheresy...isforthechurchtoshowthatshehasabettertheologythanthepersonsuspectedoferror.Dr.McQuarriewasanEpiscopalpriestwhohadoncebeenaPresbyterian

minister.HethoughtofhimselfasaChristianandwouldhavebeenprofoundlyoffendedtohearhisapproachtothedivinedescribedassexedupatheism.Hewasproofinhisownpersonthatmainstreamchurchescanproduceintelligent,flexiblereligiousinsight.IftheatheistmanifestosshareoneintellectualshortfalloneAchillesheelitstheirinsistencethatthereligiousimpulseispoisonedatitsrootsand,asHitchensasserts,poisonseverythingittouches.Thisisradicalandhereticalenoughbutoddlynotdeepordarkenough.Itimpliesthatbyconqueringsuperstitionandretiringourgods,wewillbreakthroughintoasafe,sunlightworldofreasonandbenevolentscience.Thisissciencefiction.Itsnothumanitysreligiousimpulsebutitsauthoritarian,xenophobic,andhomicidalimpulsesburied,unfortunately,intheverymarrowoftheOldTestamentthatpoisoneverything,religionincluded.Thereligiousimpulseisabalancedmixofdarkandlight,withignoranceandfearononeside,humilityandthewishfortranscendenceontheother.Thedreadfulthingsthataredoneinthenameofreligionwouldbedoneunderothernamesifthegodscreptaway.Nationalism,honor,ethnicpride,economiccompetitiontheresnoshortageofvehicles,noendofplausibledisguisesforwhatsterrifyingandincorrigibleaboutthehumanrace.

THOMAS HARDY, THE POET ofmyheart,deniedfrequentchargesthathewasanatheistorapessimist.Anevolutionarymeliorist,hecalledhimself,whobelievedthatreligionandrationalitybothessentialcouldbereconciledthroughpoetry.Tokeepstepwiththerestofthecivilizedworld,theUnitedStatesisinurgentneedofreconciliation,ifonlytostepbacktowardtheenlightenedtolerationofitsfounders.Butthehistoryofreligiouschangeisnotahistoryofcivilizedindividualsarguingquietly.Directlychallenged,establishedreligionhasbeenmorelikelytoresorttosuppression,persecution,war,andinquisitionthanSocraticdialogue.

ATHEISTS MAY BE tonedeaf,orwriteasiftheyretonedeaf,tocertainflightsoftheimagination,attheedgeofconsciousnessorjustbeyondthelimitsofreason,thathavemademylifeandthelivesofmanyothersmeasurablymorelivable.Yettheyeasilywinthereligiousargumentasthey

choosetoframeit,andtheysticktheirnecksoutwithconvincingsincerity.Politicallytheyreagodsend(excuseme)inAmerica.Tomymindtheirreligiousorientationisnotalwaysthemostappealingorcreative,inpartbecausemyapproachtothemysteriesofmindandmatterwouldseem,toRichardDawkins,moreaestheticandliterarythanscientific.Butitsoneofthemostrationalandintellectuallyrespectableorientations,andacountrywhereitoffendsandthreatensthemajorityisnofreecountrybyanystretch.

ASOUND BITE fromtheMormonpresidentialcandidate,MittRomneyFreedomrequiresreligionjustasreligionrequiresfreedomis,respectfully,theworstsortofspeechwritersrubbish.DawkinsandcompanyhavemadeitslightlyharderforsuchrubbishtopassunexaminedasthewisdomoftheAmericanheartland.Theyvecalledthedemagoguesbluffandlaidtheircards,astronghand,onthetable.Howwetreattheseimpertinenthereticswiththeirinfernal,irresistiblelogicisacriticalmeasureofourcollectivesanityasanitynowregularlyandpersuasivelycalledintoquestion.

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