GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,PhD360-556-6056WendyFraser@comcast.net

Repairingtrustingroupsandorganizations,bridgingunderstanding,andstrengtheningrelationships

Researchshowsthattherearepatternsofbehaviorsthatsupportorganizationaleffectivenessandstrongrelationships.Ineachcategorybelowtherearesuggestedbehaviorstostrengthentrust.Purposeentailsclarityaboutwhythegroupexists.Whilethis

isprimarilyaleadershipfunction,groupmembersarealsoresponsibleforunderstandingthepurposeandworkingtowardit.Anyuncertaintywilladverselyaffecttherestofthepyramid.

§ Determine–purpose,direction,scope,priorities,andboundaries§ Align–people,systems,andresourcesforsuccess

Rolesofeachpersoninthegroupneedtobefullyunderstoodbyeveryoneinthatgroup.Any

fuzzinessaboutwhoissupposedtodowhataffectshowworkgetsdone,howpeoplecommunicate,andhowtheyinteract.

§ § Establish–clearrolesandresponsibilities;mutualexpectations;andaccountability

§ Set-Up–peopleforsuccess:delegatewellandcreatesupportsystems§ Honor–agreements,commitments,andconfidentiality

CoreProcessesreferstogettingworkdoneeffectivelytocarryoutthepurpose.

§ Improve–operations,relationships,andresults;beopentonewwaysofdoingthings§ Ensure–consistency,reliability,andresponsiveness§ Engage–people;broadendecision-making;askforinput

Communicationincludesthenature,patterns,tone,methods,andintentionsregardinghow

peoplecommunicateandmakedecisions§ Listen–openlywithoutjudgmentorinterruption;andtuneintothequietvoices§ Check-in–onassumptions,intentions,andformutualunderstanding§ Seek–feedback;soundandcurrentdata;andnewperspectives

§ Inform–sharetimely,relevantinformation;avoidsurprises;betransparentandtruthful§ Foster–curiosity,open-mindedness,andengageinhealthychallengestoconventionalthinking

InterpersonalDynamicsinfluenceseverythingandeverythingaboveinfluenceshowpeople

interactwithoneanother.Personalitystyle,familybackground,lifeexperiences,culturalupbringing,education,racial,gender,age,andothersocialanddiverseidentitiesallhaveinfluenceonourinterpersonaldynamics.Withtrustissues,wetendtoexperiencetheinterpersonaldynamicsfirst.

§ StrengthenRelationshipsandConnectivity–investtimeandenergyintobuildingothersup;avoidgossipwhicherodesself-esteemandgroupconnectivity

§ Respect–people’suniquecontributions;honordifferingperspectivesandstyles;beinclusiveandwelcoming

§ Invest–inthegrowthanddevelopmentofothers§ Model–highstandards,integrity,andvulnerability§ Acknowledge–mistakes;yourimpactonothers;andapologizetimelyandsincerely

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,PhD360-556-6056WendyFraser@comcast.net

Repairingtrustingroupsandorganizations,bridgingunderstanding,andstrengtheningrelationships

Trustmattersbecauseourdailylivesdependontrustingotherswhetherweareconsciousaboutitornot.Purchasingfood,seekinghealthcareadvice,drivingtowork,educatingchildren,banking–almostalldecisionsinvolvetrustingsomeoneelse.Sometimes,groupsexperiencedifficultiesinworkingtogether.Whenthesestemfromtrustissues,itmaycompletelyimpedegroupeffectivenessandproductivity.Inthiscase,youhavechoices.Doyouworkonrepairingit?Whatisthecosttorepairversusnotrepairing?Ifyoustillneedtoworkwiththisgroupof

people,thentrustrepaireffortsbecomenecessary.Thismodelbelowisresearch-basedandhasprovenusefulingroupsandorganizationsworkingontrustrepair.

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,PhD360-556-6056WendyFraser@comcast.net

TriggerEvent(s)

Sometimestrustwithinagrouperodesovertimebecauseofaseriesofsmallthings:missingsoftdeadlines,claimingemailswereneverreceived,ordoingsloppyworkknowingthatothersinthegroupwillfixit.Othertimes,trustexplodesoverasingleincident.

Reflect1) Asafirststep,whensomeonefeelstriggeredwithemotionsfromtrustviolations,it’simportanttoreflectontheexperience.Interviewthefeelings:“WhyamIfeelingthisway?”“Whydidthissituationbotherme?”2) Becauseweareoperatinginasystem,allpartsareinter-relatedandinter-connected.Peoplemustfirstconsidertheirowncontributiontothesituation.Everyoneplaysapartin

howthetrustviolation(s)happened–whetherconsciousorunconsciousaboutit.Sofirst,consideryourself.Thenconsiderothersontheteam–whatdidtheydotocontributetothesituation.Then,theremaybeinfluencesfromoutsidetheteamororganizationthataffectedthetrustscenario.

Understand3) Takethetimetofindoutwhathappened.Collectsoundandcurrentdataduringthefactfinding.Sometimes,it’sjustmisunderstandingormiscommunication.Gandhioftentalkedaboutseekingthe“ThirdTruth”whichmeansyoubringyourtruthaboutwhathappenedandI’llbringmine,andtogetherwecreatethethirdtruth.Ashumanbeings,wemissthingsordon’tknowwehadanadverseimpactonsomeoneelse.Thisfactfindingphaseiscriticaltoputtingtogetherasmanyofthepiecesofthepuzzletogetheraspossible.4) Acknowledgeyourpartandacknowledgeifanypainoccurredtotheotherperson(s)ifyoudidsomething.Evenifyoudidn’tmeanit,

acknowledgementmatters.And,ifanapologyisneeded,makeonesincerelyandtimely.

Repair

5) Engageinrepairactivities.Dependingonthesituation,therearemanyapproachestosupportingteamsastheyworkthroughtrustrepair.Remembertoseekfeedbackalongthewaytogaugeprogress.Someteamstake6–36monthstoworkthroughrepairactivities.Bepatient.6) Createagreements.Teamsneedstructureandagreements–bothaboutprocess,rolesandresponsibilities,butalsoabouthowtheyintendtocommunicatetogether,howtheyintendtomakedecisions,who’sinvolvedinthoseandwhen.Butmoreso,agreementsonthehumansidetoo–likegroundrulesortheirownteamengagementbehaviorstheywanttoseeandexperience.

Evolve

7) Movingforwardwithtrustrepairmeansacceptanceandforgiveness,butitalsomeanshonoringnewagreements.Itmeansnotholdingpeoplehostagetomomentsintimebeforewhentheyletyoudown.Wemustletpeoplegrowandevolveandindoingso,weletourselveschangeandgrow.Remembertoappreciatethestepsforwardandnotplaythe“gotcha”gamebywastingenergyoncatchingpeopleslipbackintooldpatterns.Helpredirectthemandthesituation.Usehumor,patience,perseverance,andalittlegrace.

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,PhD360-556-6056WendyFraser@comcast.net

TheArtoftheApology(Lewicki,Polin,&Lount,2016)1. Anexpressionofregretfortheoffense…“I’msorry”2. Anexplanationofwhytheoffenseoccurred3. Anacknowledgementofresponsibilityforcausingtheoffense4. Adeclarationof“repentance”thattheviolatorwillnotrepeattheoffense5. Anoffertorepairwhateverdamagemayhavebeencausedbytheoffense6. Arequestforforgivenessforhavingcommittedtheoffense

SettingupyourWorkTeamforSuccess–beforeanyissuessurface1. Createastrongstructuralbase:Usecharters,setclearrolesandresponsibilities,createsupport

systems.2. Acknowledgepastandpresentrealities:Saywhereyouhavemessedupinthepast,howyou

learned,andwhatyouintendtododifferently.3. Beauthenticandtransparentaboutintentions,hopes,andissuesthatmayconcernyou:Beopento

changingyourmind.4. Havefaithandconfidenceinyourpeopleandtheirwork:Communicateoftentoyourteam;

Acknowledgeandappreciatetheirwork;andbeclearaboutyourexpectations.

Suggestionstohandletrustissues–duringthesituation(s)1. Refertotheagreements:Doesanythingneedamending?2. Acknowledgetrustissuesareemerging:Exploreandreflectontherootcauses;talkitthrough;be

willingtoalterapproach;andownyourpartinthesituation.3. Takethetime,havepatience,showempathy,andevenalittlebitofhumorcangoalongway.

Suggestionstohandletrustissues–afterthesituation(s)1. Acknowledgeyourpartandapologizeasnecessary(timelyandsincerely)2. Beintentional,transparentandwillingtoexploreallsides.Seekaneutralspacetodiscuss.3. Strengthenandmodifyagreements–likecharters,roles,responsibilities,anddecisions.4. Reaffirmandcommunicateintentions–createlearningstoriesandsharethemwidelywhile

honoringanyconfidentialagreementsmade.

Notes§ Takethetimetolistenandworkthroughtheissues.Itmaytakeseveralmeetings,weeksormonths.§ Beintentionalandtransparent.Youmustwanttorepairtheissuesandnotjustgothroughthemotions.§ Stickwithit…evenifitfeelsmessyanduncomfortable.Intheend,it’sworthit!