Language of Mutilation

Grammar for Ads and Life

#sxgrammar

William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White

“Today, the language of advertising enjoys an enormous circulation. With its deliberateinfractions of grammatical rules and its crossbreeding of the parts of speech, it profoundly influences the tongues and pens of children and adults…. You will want to try writing that way, using that language. You should do so at your peril, for it is the language of mutilation.”

CHANGE = DECLINATION?Brief history of English grammar

1,000 years ago

Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum,þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon,hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.Oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,

- Beowulf

700 years ago

Whan that Aprill, with his shoures sooteThe droghte of March hath perced to the rooteAnd bathed every veyne in swich licour, Of which vertu engendred is the flour;

- Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales”

400 years ago

I remember Adam, it was vpon this fashionbequeathed me by will, but poore a thousandCrownes, and as thou saist, charged my bro-ther on his blessing to breed mee well: andthere begins my sadnesse…

- Shakespeare’s “As You Like It”

100 years ago and so on

“P” banned the split infinitive in 1834.

Ben Franklin wanted all nouns capitalized.

Thomas Jefferson went ape shit with apostrophes (see Declaration of Independence).

Noah Webster determined standard spellings.

Henry Watson Fowler publishes “A Dictionary of Modern English Usage” in 1926.

Strunk & White warn of mutilation.

Today

CONTEMPORARY MUTILATIONExamples

THE COMMA BEFORE THE CONJUNCTION

Serial Comma

Serial Comma

Judy’s favorite colors are red, green, and blue.

Judy’s favorite colors are red, green and blue.

Serial Comma: Per the AP Stylebook

Use it when items in a series have internal conjunctions

– Judy ordered cheese fries with bacon, green eggs and ham, and beer to go.

• Use it when the elements are complex– The main points to consider are whether they

serve cheese fries with bacon and spicy sauce, if we can take the beer to go, and what time we need to be back to the office for yet another meeting.

Serial Comma: Per the AP Stylebook

Use it when items in a series have internal conjunctions

– Judy ordered cheese fries with bacon, green eggs and ham, and beer to go.

• Use it when the elements are complex– The main points to consider are whether they

serve cheese fries with bacon and spicy sauce, if we can take the beer to go, and what time we need to be back to the office for yet another meeting.

Serial Comma: Per the AP Stylebook

Use it when items in a series have internal conjunctions

– Judy ordered cheese fries with bacon, green eggs and ham, and beer to go.

Use it when the elements are complex– The main points to consider are whether they

serve cheese fries with bacon and spicy sauce, if we can take the beer to go, and what time we need to be back to the office for yet another meeting.

Serial Comma: Per the AP Stylebook

Use it when items in a series have internal conjunctions

– Judy ordered cheese fries with bacon, green eggs and ham, and beer to go.

Use it when the elements are complex– The main points to consider are whether they

serve cheese fries with bacon and spicy sauce, if we can take the beer to go, and what time we need to be back to the office for yet another meeting.

Enough with the serial comma.

Questions?

THE MARK OF OMISSION AND OWNERSHIP

Apostrophe

Show omission and ownership

Indicate what’s missing– Judy O'Malley– Rock ‘n’ roll– Don’t, can’t, it’s, you’re, they’re– Summer of ‘69

Indicate possession– Judy’s clients– Judy’s clients’ demands– Judy and Jonah’s house– Judy’s and Jonah’s houses

Avoid confusion when making single letters plural– Cross your T’s, dot your I’s and earn all A’s

Per the AP Stylebook

NOT needed to make nouns plural

The Joneses, who have lived in both Kansas Citys, wore leg warmers in the 1980s.

This:

Enough with the apostrophe.

Questions?

THE MARK OF INTRODUCTION, EXPLANATION AND EMPHASIS

Colon

Introduce a list

Judy’s backpack held our beach necessities: towels, sunscreen, small farm animals and Corona Light.

Introduce a list

Judy’s backpack held our beach necessities. towels, sunscreen, small farm animals and Corona Light.

BECAUSE:

Judy’s backpack held our beach necessities, including.

AVOID:

Judy’s backpack held our beach necessities, including: towels, sunscreen, small farm animals and Corona Light.

Introduce text

Judy promised me this: Our love will not die unless we are both dead, and then maybe the memory of our love will spur others to love nondead people, but the original love, which was ours, will have died.

Introduce text

Judy promised me this. Our love will not die unless we are both dead, and then maybe the memory of our love will spur others to love nondead people, but the original love, which was ours, will have died.

AVOID:

Judy promised me that: Our love will not die unless we are both dead, and then maybe the memory of our love will spur others to love nondead people, but the original love, which was ours, will have died.

BECAUSE:

Judy promised me that.

Introduce text

Judy promised me this. Our love will not die unless we are both dead, and then maybe the memory of our love will spur others to love nondead people, but the original love, which was ours, will have died.

AVOID:

Judy promised me that: Our love will not die unless we are both dead, and then maybe the memory of our love will spur others to love nondead people, but the original love, which was ours, will have died.

BECAUSE:

Judy promised me that our love will not die unless we are both dead, and then maybe the memory of our love will spur others to love nondead people, but the original love, which was ours, will have died.

Introduce a long quote

Just as she was leaving, Judy turned and recited a limerick:

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, "Let us flee.”

"Let us fly," said the flea.

So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Explain and emphasize

Judy refuses to eat ice cream: She is allergic to dairy and ice.

Judy refuses to eat one thing: ice cream.

Enough with the colon.

Questions?

THE BASTARD LOVE CHILD OF THE PERIOD AND THE COMMA

Semicolon

• It’s more than a pause.

• It’s not quite a full stop.

Yeah

Join related sentences

Replace a junction . . .

– And

– But

– Or

. . . with a semicolon

(Keep the conjunction if one or both clauses use an excessive amount of punctuation.)

Without a conjunction

Before:

The baby was due on Saturday, but she was born on Sunday instead.

Without a conjunction

Before:

The baby was due on Saturday, but she was born on Sunday instead.

After:

The baby was due on Saturday; she was born on Sunday instead.

With a conjunction

The baby girl, Jennifer, was due on Saturday, July 2, 2011, which is exactly one year after her brother, John, was born; but she arrived (thanks to a C-section) on Sunday, July 3, instead, which upset her sibling, as he was reluctant to share the affections of his mother with such a squirmy little being.

With a conjunction

The baby girl, Jennifer, was due on Saturday, July 2, 2011, which is exactly one year after her brother, John, was born; but she arrived (thanks to a C-section) on Sunday, July 3, instead, which upset her sibling, as he was reluctant to share the affections of his mother with such a squirmy little being.

Separate serial items with internal punctuation

The specials tonight are beer cheese soup, which is made with aged cheddar, ale, cheese, beer and cream; spinach, feta and spicy walnut salad; and an obscenely large cut of red meat with your choice of mashed, fried or baked potatoes.

– The entire family celebrates July birthdays: The youngest, Jennifer, was born in July 3, 2011, via C-section; her brother, John, was born the year before on July 2; and her parents, Judy and Jonah, were both born on July 28, 1980.

Separate serial items with internal punctuation

The specials tonight are beer cheese soup, which is made with aged cheddar, ale, cheese, beer and cream; spinach, feta and spicy walnut salad; and an obscenely large cut of red meat with your choice of mashed, fried or baked potatoes.

– The entire family celebrates July birthdays: The youngest, Jennifer, was born in July 3, 2011, via C-section; her brother, John, was born the year before on July 2; and her parents, Judy and Jonah, were both born on July 28, 1980.

Enough with the punctuation review.

Questions?

ONLINE SOURCESHelp

Merriam-Webster and AP Stylebook

More online sources

• Bartleby.com

– Strunk & White, Fowlers

• Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL)

• U of IL Center for Writing Studies

• Oxford Dictionary

• Guide to Grammar and Writing

– Index, quizzes

• Chicago Manual of Style

– Subscription required

• Grammarphobia

– The living dead

• Paul Brian’s Non-errors

My tweets: @gmariethatsmeMy blog: towriteawrong.tumblr.com

My tweets: @gmariethatsmeMy blog: towriteawrong.tumblr.com