Improving Communication Climates

Types of confirming messagesrecognitionacknowledgmentendorsement

Disconfirming communication

Lack of regardDisputingDisagreementIgnoring

How climates develop

Both verbal and nonverbal After climate has formed it can grow

into a spiral (either positive or negative)We tend to respond to the preceding

statement in “like”Escalatory Conflict Spirals-

disconfirming messages reinforce one another

De-escalatory conflict spirals- can also be destructive. The parties slowly lessen their dependence on one another and withdraw and become less invested.

Spirals can go through cycles of progression and regression.

Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies

When others confront us with face-threatening acts (messages that challenge the image we want to project), we may become defensive. “Saving Face”

We feel the most defensive when the criticism is on target

We have a need for approval, and also need to protect our self image.

Types of Defensive Reactions

Cognitive dissonance- inconsistency between two conflicting pieces of information. Is is uncomfortable, so communicators strive to resolve it by seeking consistency.

Can change presenting self or use a defense mechanism

Defense Mechanisms

Attack the critic:-verbal aggression-sarcasmDistorting Critical Information:-rationalization-invention of logical but

untrue explanations of behavior that is unacceptable to self.

-Compensation-emphasize a strength in one area to cover a weakness in another.

-Regression-play helpless. I “can’t” instead of “I won’t”

Avoiding Dissonant Information

Physical avoidanceRepression-mentally block out

dissonant information (changing the subject, acting as if you don’t understand, and pretending not to hear)

Apathy- pretending that you don’t care about it

Displacement- vent aggressive feelings to something else. Gives the illusion that we have control and can’t be pushed around.

Preventing Defensiveness

Competent communicators protect others’ face by supporting his or her presenting self

You express dissatisfaction on a content level, but on a relational level, you say that you value them.

Gibbs Catagories

Evaluation vs. Description. Focus on speaker’s thoughts and feelings instead of judging. Express in “I” language with descriptors. Have to deliver with good timing and tone of voice

Control vs. Problem Orientation: Focus is one finding a solution that satisfies needs of both parties. “Win/win”

Strategy vs. Spontaneity. Strategy is a type of manipulation with an ulterior motive. Spontaneity is more candid and honest communication.

Neutrality vs. Empathy. Neutrality is more indifferent. Empathy shows concern for the feelings of the other party. Nonverbal is often more important than verbal.

Superiority vs. Equality. Need to convey that although you may have more talent, etc. in a certain area, others have just as much worth.

Certainty vs. Provisionalism. Communicators who regard their own opinions with certainty vs. those who are willing to acknowledge that they are open to other ideas.

Responding Nondefensively to Criticism

Seek more information- Ask for specifics (be sure you can hear it)- Guess about specifics (if the person

criticizing won’t give specific examples)-Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas-Ask what the critic wants-Ask about the consequences of your

behavior

-Ask what else is wrong-Agree with the critic - agree with the facts - agree with the critic’s perception

Managing Interpersonal Conflict

Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.

Expressed struggle

Can only exist when both parties are aware of a disagreement. It can be expressed verbally or nonverbally.

Perceived incompatible goals

Don’t see solutions- perceive their goals to be mutually exclusive.

Perceived scarce rewards

People believe that there isn’t enough to go around

interdependence

The welfare and satisfaction of one depends on the actions of the other

Interference from the other party

Conflict won’t occur until the participants act in ways that prevent one another from reaching their goal

Conflict is natural. Every relationship has conflict. It is a fact of life. Feelings are a part of the process.

Conflict can be beneficial. Happy couples view disagreement as healthy and recognize that conflicts need to be faced. They are constructive in solving it.

Personal Conflict Styles

Nonassertive- inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict. Avoidance or accommodation. Can be useful- “choose battles carefully” or to help the other person.

Direct Aggression

Character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, wishing the other ill fortune, teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems. Significant connection between verbal aggression and physical aggression. Sets up destructive spiral.

Passive Aggression

Expresses hostility in obscure way. “Crazymaking”.

Indirect Communication

Conveys message in roundabout way in order to save face for the recipient. Give “hint”. Most common way by which people make requests.

Assertion

Message expresses the speaker’s needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly and directly without judging or dictating to others.

Which style?

Consider: the relationshipthe situationthe other personyour goals

Assertion without Aggression

Give an objective behavioral description and your interpretation of it

Express your feeling about itTell what the consequence is. -what happens to you-what happens to the person you are

addressing-what happens to others

Intention-where you stand on the issue-requests of others-descriptions of how you plan to act

in the future

Using the clear message format

The elements can be delivered in any order

word the message to suit your personal style

combine two elements in a single phrase (if appropriate)

Conflict in Relational Systems

Complementary Conflict Style-fight/flightSymmetricalParallel (shift between the two)

Intimate/Aggressive styles

Nonintimate-Aggressive. Fight, but are unsuccessful at satisfying important content and relational goals.

Nonintimate-Nonaggressive. Avoid conflict and one another.

Intimate-Aggressive. Argue, but make up intensely.

Intimate-Nonaggressive. Low attacking or blaming, but confront.

Conflict Rituals

Can become a problem if inflexible and limiting

Variables in Conflict Styles

Gender: As children, girls use more “let’s”, “why

don’t we..”, etc. Boys are more demanding and direct.

Women- less assertive. Both genders are less tolerant of assertive behavior from a woman.

Female students described men as being concerned with power and were more interested in content than relational issues.

In actual conflict, women are more assertive than men about expressing their ideas and feelings, and men are more likely to withdraw from discussing issues.

Men don’t see friendship and aggression as mutually exclusive. Many strong male relationships are built around competition.

Differences are actually very small. More important is the nature of the relationship and the personal conflict styles.

Culture

Orientation towards individualism or collectivism.

Individualistic cultures (like U.S.) the goals, rights, and need of each person are considered important.

Collectivist cultures (Latin America or Asian) consider the concerns of the group to be more important than those of the individual.

Assertiveness-Low context (such as U.S. and Europeans)

place a premium on being direct and literal.

High context (such as Japan) like to avoid confrontation and value self-restraint. Preserving and honoring the face of the other person are a prime goal. Indirect communication is norm.

Also consider ethnic background, biological makeup, self-concept, environment, parental conflict style, “culture of the situation”

Methods of Conflict Resolution

WIN/Lose one party gets what he or she wants, whereas the other doesn’t. Power is distinguishing characteristic. Justified when the other person insists on trying to defeat you, or when the other person is doing something wrong.

Lose/Lose Neither side is satisfied with the outcome. Fairly common way to handle conflict.

Compromise Gives both parties some of what they wanted, though both sacrifice part of their goals.

Win/win Find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved.

Win-Win Communication Skills

Step 1 Identify Your Problem and Unmet NeedsStep 2Make a date. Step 3Describe your problem and needs. Use

the clear message format.

Step 4Consider Your Partner’s Point of View. Find

out what your partner needs to feel satisfied about the issue.

Step 5Negotiate a solution. Develop as many

potential solutions as possible and evaluate them to decide which one best meets everyone’s needs.

Step 6Follow up the solution. Go back and

evaluate the effectiveness and make changes as necessary.

Constructive Conflict

Questions for discussionToo good to be true? Isn’t it too elaborate?Isn’t it too rational?Is it possible to change others?