Post on 17-Dec-2015
How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School
Overview
Effective communication
Time management
Money matters
3
Effective Communiation Skills
Softened Start-ups (Gottman, 2002)
David Burns (1999) Professional Communication &
Teamwork (Cohen, 2008)
4
Softened Start-Up Rules (Gottman Institute, 2002)
Complain, but don’t blame Start statements with “I” instead
of “you” Describe what is happening, don’t
evaluate or judge Talk clearly about what you need Be polite Give appreciation Don’t store things up
5
Effective Listening Skills (Burns, 1999)
Using the Disarming Technique Law of Opposites – find the truth & agree Use “I feel” statements non-defensively Avoid getting into who is “right” or
“wrong” Using Empathy Using Inquiry
6
Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) Don’t expect perfection Choose your fights Talk directly to the person Talk behind closed doors Be cool, calm & collected Be open to different interpretations of
the same event
7
Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) Intervene early Establish a goal for the interaction Empathize / find the truth in what
they are saying Ask for clarifying details Good professional relationships do not
mean you have to be friends
8
So, What does Dr. Phil have to say about this? Take it private & keep it private Keep it relevant Keep it real Avoid character assassination Remain task-oriented Allow the other person to retreat
with dignity Be proportional in your intensity There’s a time limit
TIME: Priorities
What is in your pie?*School & studying * Significant other * Immediate family & friends, * Work * Life fillers (yard work, grocery
shopping, bills, meal prep, cleaning, sleep).
Time Management
Have a BALANCED plan!• Mental, Physical, Emotional, &
Spiritual
• All work & no play =
Use a planner or scheduling program Prioritize your To-Do list (ABC method)• A- Must Do• B- Should Do• C- Could Do Participate in study group Optimize based on your body clock
Obstacle to Time Management
Over Scheduling
Over Accessibility
Tyranny of the Urgent!
Procrastination
Anxiety/Depression
Perfectionism
The Money Paradox
We don’t talk about money while we are dating, but then it becomes the bane of many long-term relationships
Money Matters:Did you know…..? 43.2% of all graduate and professional students
are married ½ of all couples disagree about their net worth
by 30% ½ of all couples give income figures that differ
by more than $2,000 per year 10% of all couples give incomes figures that
differ by more than $15,000 per year 80% of couples that divorce by age 30 report
financial problems are the primary cause of marital conflict
Why is $$$ so tough to talk about?
Unromantic Spend and save Invest Financial
responsibility Measure of self-worth Power and control Inequitable incomes
Yours, mine or ours No negotiation occurs Credit cards – yikes Unrealistic
expectations Mutual trust Crisis oriented
discussions
Why Should Couples Talk About $$ Positive and rewarding interactions Constructive changes in spending and saving Enhance joint decision making Empowers partners to be committed to and
involved in the relationship Builds confidence in problem-solving abilities Promotes equity Defines shared financial goals, aspirations, etc.
Tips for Talking
Relationship 1st, $$ 2nd
What is happening in the relationship that makes money talk tough?
Schedule a time Don’t wait for a crisis
Tips….
Listen without judgment Seek input, don’t dominate Think “problem solving” Actively listen Be open to alternative solutions Compromise
Tips
Understand your values and the values of your partner: Money equals success and power Money equals security Money equals good feelings Money equals independence
Questions to Ask your Partner
Is our current approach to money management working for us?
How much money do we earn together?
How much money do we want to spend?
What kinds of purchases must we agree on?
Questions…
How much money can we each spend without consulting the other?
How much money do we want to save?
Where will we put the money we save?
Should we have separate or joint checking accounts?