©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

1

EMPATHYEDUCATION WhytheOherSideoftheReportCardMatters

ByMicheleBorba,Ed.D.micheleborba.com

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another. Listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.”

EmpathyIsTeachableandComprisedof3DistinctTypes“EmpathyABCs”Affective:Feelingwhatanotherpersonfeels;Behavioral:Sensingwhatsomeoneneedsandrespondingcompassionately;Cognitive:understandinganother’sperspectiveorvaluesbut-notnecessarilyagreeingwiththem.Anditliesonaspectrumfromlowtohigh.EmpathyEducationStartswithUnderstandingTheEmpathyAdvantage

Empathyisintegraltoeducation,mentalhealth,promotingthemoralvirtuesofkindness,compassion, justice, fairness, caring, it increases resilience, civic engagement, helpsstudents become contributing citizens and creates more caring, inclusive, safe, trustinglearningclimates.Anditreducesaggression,bullying,racism,violence,andhate.7PrinciplesofEffectiveEmpathyEducation

1. Ongoing:Notaone-timelessonbutacontinualfocus2. Woven-in:Integratedintocontent,nottackedon.3. Meaningful:Real&authenticsoit’stouchesheart&mind.4. Internalized:Goalisadoptingempathycompetenciesashabits.5. Student-Centered:Child’sneeds,notcurriculum,driveslessons.6. Relationships:Empathybreedsinacultureofrespect&caring.7. EmpathicLeadership:Modeling,expectedandcoretoleader’s

vision,purpose,styleandinteractions.PointstoHelpStaffRecognizethatEmpathyMatters

• “Thecultureandparentingstylesarechanginganddonotsupportempathy.”• “Yes,wecanbecauseempathyisteachable,andcomprisedofninecompetencies.”• “TheempathydemiseishappeningtoOURstudents,too!”• “Studentsarehurting,afraid,andcan’tlearniftheydon’tfeelsafe.”• “Wecanthinkbig,butwe’llstartwithsmallstepsandkeepgoingforward.”• “Empathyeducationiswoveninorintegratedintolessonsandnotanotherprogram.”• “Empathyhasresearch-drivendatatosupporttheoutcomesweseekforourstudents.”• “Empathyalignswithour5Ps:principles,procedures,practices,policies,people.”• “It’sthebestantidotetoaggression,bullyingandhate.”• “Themostmemorableteachersandlessonsareempathydriven.”• “Itpreparesstudentsforthe21stcentury,4thindustrialrevolution,andglobalworld.”• “Ithelpskidsdevelopempatheticmindsetssotheyseethemselvesascaringandwanttomakeapositivedifferenceontheworld.”

• “Itcreatesthekindofpeoplewehopeandwantourstudentstobecome.”• “It’stherightthingtodoandamoralimperativethatwehelpourstudentsreachtheirfullpotentialasjust,caring,contributingcitizens.Ifwedon’tcultivatetheirempatheticcapabilitiesthenwhowill?”BRAVESTAFFCHATS:Whatbehaviorsarestudentscatchingfromus?Howcanwemodel

empathytoourstudents?Whatsortofpeopledowewantourstudentstobecome?”What’sourfirststeptosuccess?Howwillweknowwhenwearemakinganimpact?

EmpathyStaffResources• UnSelfie,MicheleBorba• TheRoadtoCharacter,Brooks• TheAltruisticPersonality,Oliner• ThePathtoPurpose;Damon• GenerationMe,Twenge• iGen,JeanTwenge• TheTrophyKidsGrowUp,Alsop• ShadowaStudentChallenge• CollegeoftheOverwhelmed,Kadison

• TheNatureofPrejudice,Allport• NobodyLefttoHate,Aronson• TheScienceofEvil,Baron-Cohen• SavageSpawn,Kellerman• WhyTheyKill,Rhodes• AggressionReplacementTherapy,ArnoldGoldstein

• RestorativeJusticeinChicagoPublicSchools

• MadetoStick,Health• ALongWalktoWater,Parks• TheEmpatheticCivilization,Rufkin

• EndPeerCruelty,BuildEmpathy,

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

2

THEEDUCATIONALLEADER’SROLEINEMPATHYEDUCATION2CrucialQuestionsanEducationalLeaderShouldAsk

1. Whichempathycompetenciesarewealreadyaddressing?Educationalleadersmayfailtoalreadyexistingpracticesandprogramsthatsupportempathysuchassocial-emotionallearning,servicelearning,charactereducation,mindfulness,debate,theatre,cooperativelearning,conflictresolution,andrestorativejustice.Considerwhatyoualreadyhaveinplace,alignthosepracticeswiththeninecompetenciesandthenlistwhichonesmissinginteachertrainingorimplementation.

2. Whichcompetenciesmightbenefitourstudents?Checkbehaviorreferrals,listentostaffandcounselorsandheartheirconcerns,askparentswhatworriesthemabouttheirchildren,butalsoholdstudentfocusgroups.Askolderstudentswhichhabitsdotheyneedtosucceedinschoolandlife.Chooseskillsthatyourstudentsandcultureneeds.Empathyeducationisnotacookie-cutterapproach.

6QuickWaysEducationalLeadersCanGaugeEmpathyEducation

1. WalkYourHalls.Areyouseeinglaughter,conversation,smilesandinclusion?Empathybreedsincaringcultures.

2. DoaSchoolMap.Eachstudentmarkshotspots“schoolsafetyconcernsorwherebullying,aggressionhappen”andcoldspots:placesyoufeelsafeorwouldgotoifthereisaproblem.”Howmanyhotspotsdoyouhave?Boostadultsupervision.

3. DiscoverSafetyNets.Eachstudentwritesnamesofpeerand/oradulttheywouldgotoifaproblemona3x5card;canbedoneanonymously.Empathyneedstrustandcaring.Makesureeverystudenthassupport.

4. LunchBunchFocusGroups.Periodicallydinewithstudentscanaskthemtheirpeers’perceptionsabouttheschool.“Whatsuggestionscouldwedotomakeourschoolbetter,safer,morecaring?”“Whatdowestandforinthisschool?”

5. ConductStudentSurveys.OneQuestion:Studentsfeelincluded-notostracizedormarginalized.(Test–lookincafeteria,playgrounds)

6. Ask1Question.“Whowillyouplaywithatrecess?”or“Whowillyousitwithatlunch?”Nowchecktoseewhichstudentsarenotonanyone’slist.Whatwillyoudotohelpthosestudentsconnectandfitit?

WhyEmpathyEducationIsCrucial[SeeUnSelfieIntroduction].• U.S.teensarenow40%lowerinempathythanthreedecadesago(Konrath,2012).• Asempathyhasdipped,narcissismratesincreased58%(Konrath,2012).• Empathyreducesaggressionandboostsprosocialbehaviors(Einsenberg,2010)andmaybeourbestantidotetobullyingandracism(Santos,2011).

• Empatheticstudentsdisplaymoreclassroomengagement,higheracademicachievementandbettercommunicationskills(Jones2014).

• Empathyisthefoundationofasafe,caring,inclusivelearningclimate(ASCD).• Empathyboostsemployability;namedtopforGlobalEconomicForum.:Forbesurgescompaniestoadoptempathy&perspective-takingprinciples;HarvardBusinessReviewsaysitisofthe“essentialingredientsforleadershipsuccessandexcellentperformance.

CourageousConversationstoStartEmpathyEducationImplementation

• Howcanwebuildempathyamongstone-anotherwithinourbuildingordepartment?(Stressedadultswhoneedempathyhaveahardtimenurturingempathyforkids).

• ChangestartswithWHY.ImplementationistheHOW.Let’snotreinventthewheel.Whatareexistingstrategies,procedures,policiesthatsupportempathybuilding.Listthem.

• Whatexistingpolicies,procedures,practicecounterempathybuilding(forinstance:shame-baseddiscipline).Isthereawaytoimplementmorerestorativepractices?

• Whataresomeofthebestteachingpracticesorworkplacehabitswecantakeonthisyearthatwouldincreaseachievement/productivityANDempathy?

9 Empathy Competencies

1.EmotionalLiteracy,sochildrencanrecognizeandunderstandingthefeelingsandneedsofthemselvesandothers.2.MoralIdentitysochildrenwilladoptcaringvaluesthatguidetheirintegrityandactivateempathytohelpothers.3.PerspectiveTakingsochildrencanstepintoothers’shoestounder-standotherpeople’sfeelings,thoughts,andviews.4.MoralImaginationsochildrencanuseliterature,filmsandemotionallychargedimagesasasourceofinspirationtofeelwithothers.5.Self-Regulationtohelpchildrenlearntomanagestrongemotionsandreducepersonaldistresssotheycanhelpothers.6.PractieKindnesstoincreasechildren’sconcernsaboutthewelfareandfeelingsofothers.7.Collaborationtohelpchildrenworkwithotherstoachievesharedgoalsforthebenefitofall.8.MoralCouragetoemboldenchildrentospeakout,stepinandhelpothers.9.AltruisticLeadershipAbilitiestomotivatekidstomakeadifferenceforothers,nomatterhowsmallitmaybe.©2016MicheleBorbaUnselfie:WhyEmpatheticKidsSucceedinOurAll-About-MeWorld.9

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

3

WHATEMPATHYEDUCATIONLOOKSLIKE Thereisnoone“right”approachtoEmpathyEducationnorisitacookie-cutterconceptinwhichyouborrowempathystrategiesfromanotherschooltomakeityourown.Bestapproachesarealwaysculture-drivenandhome-grown,butimplementingprovenempathy-buildingpracticesisalwayskey.HerearethingstolookforthattellaneducationalleaderthatempathyisimplementedbasedonthenineessentialcompetenciesofempathyfromUnSelfie:WhyEmpatheticKidsSucceedinOurAll-About-MeWorldEMPATHYCOMPETENCY1:EmotionalLiteracy

Beforestudentscanempathize,theymustbeabletoreademotions.Studentsabletorecognizefeelingsarebetteradjustedemotionally,morepopular,moreoutgoing,andmoresensitiveingeneral(Goleman,1995).Theyalsoscorehigheracademicallyandaremoreresilient(Gottman,1997).Butresearcherswarnthattoday’sdigitalworldisreducingstudents’abilitiestorecognizehumanemotions,andjeopardizingtheirempatheticcapacities(Uhis,2014).One-to-onecomputingmakesteachingthisfirstcompetencyvital.Empathybreedsincaringcultures,requiresfacetofaceconnectionandopportunitiestostudentstoconnectandlearntoreadandidentifyemotions.Lookfor:

• Activitiesthatencourageface-to-facecommunication,helpstudents’identityandunderstandfeelingsinthemselvesandothers,andnurturecaringconnections.

• Laughter,smilesandincludedstudents.• Teachernurturingacaringandrespectfulcommunity:smiling,engaged,connectedwithstudents• Furniturearrangedtoencouragecommunication.• Studentshaveopportunitiestoconnect(pairedsharing,cooperativelearning,partnerships,dialogues,discussions).• Teacherswithstudentsandengagedincaringrelationships.• Teachersusingemotionvocabularyasnaturalpartsoflessons(“HowdoyouthinkCharlottefeels?”)• Studentslearningtoreadandidentifyemotions(morningritualstopointhowtheyfeelonachartorstudentsidentifytheir

feelingsbeforeandaftereachrecitalortest,logtheirfeelings).• Teachershelpingstudentsidentifyhowothersfeelsuchaspeer“EmotionCheck-Ins”byobservingtheirpartner,guessing

thefeelingandofferingsupportifneeded(“I’mhereforyou”).• Pairedsharing,discussionsandclassmeetingstoincreasestudents’sensitivitytoemotioncues,nurturecaringconnections

andlearnemotionalliteracy.• ProgramslikeRULER,RootsofEmpathy,SEL,SecondStep,MoodRoomsthatincreaseemotionliteracy.

HowisyourstaffhelpingstudentslearntheirEmotionABCs?EMPATHYCOMPETENCY2:MoralIdentity

Achild’sinnervaluesystem,ormoralidentity,caninspireempathy,shapecharacter,andmotivatecompassion.Thefirststepishelpingstudentsdefinethemselvesaspeoplewhovalueothers.Kidsaremorelikelytolearnmoralidentitywhenadultsmodel,instructandexpectthemtocareaboutothers(Oliner,1992).Thatposesaprobleminourculturewithanincreasingvoidinmoralrolemodels,buteducatorsarehelpingstudentsdevelopethicalcompasses.Lookfor:

• Clearbehaviornormsthataddressrespect,caring,empathy,kindness,socialresponsibility• Strategiestohelpstudentsadoptcaringvaluesthatguideintegrityandactivateempathytohelpothers.• Studentscreatingclassmantras:“Wehelpeachother.”• AssignedessaysthathelpstudentsdefinewhotheyareandwhattheystandforsuchastheCapstoneProject.• Memorizingweeklykindnessorcharacterquotes,andthenchoosingonefortheirpersonalmantra.• Journalingquotesthatresonateswithstudents.“Ithelpsyoudiscoverwhatyoustandfor,”ateentoldme.• Teacherswhopraisestudentsforcharacternotjustacademicachievementtodevelopingempatheticmindsets.• Watchstaffandyourbehavior.Areyoumodelingmoralidentityandwhatyouhopestudentscopy?

Aquickassessmentifstudentsaretakingyourschool’smissiontoheartisaskingrandomkids:“Whatdowestandfor?Howareyouexpectedtobehave?”?Theiranswersspeakvolumes.

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

4

EMPATHYCOMPETENCY3:PerspectiveTaking

Perspectivetakingisthecognitivesideofempathyandiscrucialfor21stcenturystudents.Whetherit’sconnectingstudentsacrosstheglobethroughtechnology,debatinganissuefromtheotherside,orseeingAmericanRevolutionfromBritishpointofview,perspectivetakingcanstretchstudents’horizonsandtransformtheirviews.Sciencealsoshowsthatthemostmemorablelessonsareoftenbasedonthisthirdempathycompetency(Heath,2008).Lookfor:

• Lessonsthatencouragestudentstoexperienceanother’sfeelingsandseetheworldthroughothers’eyes.• Steppingintoanother’sshoes(literallyorcognitively)tohelpstudentsunderstandothers.(AnEnglishteacher’stestfor

RomeoandJulietusespapershoecutoutsdepictingeachcharacter.Studentsstepontoeachcutoutandtellthecharacter’sviewsandfeelings).

• Wideningstudents’empathyzonestoencouragethemtodoa24-hourhungerstrike(withparentalblessings)tounderstandpoverty.(Manynowvolunteeratafoodbank).

• UsingRestorativePracticestohelpstudentoffendersdevelopempathyfortheirvictimsandstrengthenperspectivetaking• Disciplinethatrequiresstudentstodescribetheirconflictfromtheotherchild’sview.• Teachersaskingquestionssuchas:“Howwouldyoufeelifthathappenedtoyou?”candowonderstostretchperspectives.• Theatre,roleplayingormusicopportunitieswherestudentscanjourneyintootherworlds.• Fieldtripstoimmersiveexperiencessuchasmuseumswherestudentscan“see”and“feel”otherworlds.

Whatwaysareyouseeingteachershelpkidsstepintoothers’shoes?

EMPATHYCOMPETENCY4:MoralImaginationScienceprovesthatreadingliteraryfictionlikeWonderorTheGrapesofWrathcanenhanceempathyandhelpstudentstofeel“with”thecharacters(Mar,2009).Ourbrainsevenmirrortheiractions,sowe“do”whatthecharactersdo.Emotionallychargedfilmsandimagescanalsopromptempatheticfeelingsandevenencouragecharitablegivingiftheyaremovingandtransformative(Barraza,2015).Lookfor:

• Useofemotionallychargedimagesandfilms,orbookstohelpstudentsjourneyintootherworlds.• Lessonsthatusebooksorfilmtohelpstudentsgraspdifferentviews.• Ensuringthatnews,books,filmofferdifferentviewsanddiversity.• Usingrivetingpaintingstohelpstudents’graspdifferentartists’perspectives.• Assignedreadingthathelpstudentsstepoutoftheircomfortzonestoexplorelivesandbeliefsdifferentfromtheirown

andjourneyintonewworlds.Askstudents:“Whichbooksshouldbeassignedreadingandwhy?”Theiranswerscanguideyourschool’sliteraturechoices.EMPATHYCOMPETENCY5:Self-Regulation

Self-regulationallowskidstokeeptheiremotionsinchecksotheycanrecognizeothers’feelings,empathizeandthencalmlythinkofhowtohelp,butitalsoboostsacademicsperformance.ManagingemotionsisabetterpredictoroftheiracademicachievementthanIQ(Lehrer,2009).Anda40-yearstudyfoundthatchildhoodself-controlstronglypredictsadultsuccess,inpeopleofhighorlowintelligenceandrichorpoor(Moffitt,2011).Lookfor:

• Strategiesthathelpstudentsmanagestrongemotionsandreducepersonaldistresssotheycanfighttheempathygapcanhelpothers.

• Teachingchildrenhowtorecognizetheirstresstriggersandsignsbeforethey’reinoverload.• StrategiessuchasCalmDownCorners,MoodRooms,andStressBoxestohelpchildrenself-regulate.• Teachingstrategiessuchasbellybreathing,meditation,yogaormindfulnesstoreducestressandnurtureempathy.

Whatisyourschooldoingtohelpkidsself-regulateandadoptitasahabit?Howcanyouhelpteacherslearnscience-backedmethodsandtryempathy-buildingapproaches?Anunprecedentedriseinyouthdepression,anxiety,traumaandconcernforsafetygiveurgencyforteachingthisfifthcompetency.EMPATHYCOMPETENCY6:PracticingKindness

Beingkindiswhathelpschildrentuneintootherpeople’sfeelingsandneeds,trustmore,stepoutoftheirownskinstounderstandothers,andbecomemore“We,”less“Me”oriented.Eachkindactnudgeskidstonoticeothers(“Iseehowyoufeel”),care(“I’mconcernedaboutyou”),empathize(“Ifeelwithyou”),andhelpandcomfort(“Letmeeaseyourpain”).Practicingkindnesscanalsochangechildren’sself-imageandbehavior.Ifachildseesherselfaskind,sheismorelikelytoactkindlyandwhyeducatorsmusthelpstudentsdevelopcaringmindsets.Lookfor:

• Strategiesthathelpstudentsroutinelydevelopandexercisecompassionsoastoincreasetheirconcernaboutthewelfareandfeelingsofothers.

• Teachersdeliberatingmodelingorintroducingkindnesssostudentssee,hearandpracticekindness.

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

5

• MorningGreetingswithsmiles,handshakesandeyecontact.KindnessAmbassadorsmeetpeersattheschoolentrancewithfriendlygreetings,“HighFiveHallways”duringpassingtime.Encouragesimplekindnessroutinesinvolvingstudents.

• Encouragingstudentstodokindactsorencouragingthemcharttheirkindacts.“Noactofkindness,nomatterhowsmall,iseverwasted.”Aleader’sjobisensuringthatstudentstakethosewordstoheart,EMPATHYCOMPETENCY7:Collaboration

Empathyisneverasolitaryact:it’sonlywhenweletgoofourself-centerednessandfeelwithothersthatourheartsopen.Workingtogetheroncommongoalscanhelpstudentsmakethatcrucialshiftfrom“Me”to“We.”Those“us”-typeexperiencesandsensitizethemtothosewhomaybedifferentorhaveconflictinginterests.Thiscompetencyalsobroadensstudents’socialspheres,soitpreparesthemfordiverseworld.Lookfor:

• Opportunitieswherestudentsworktogetheroncommongoals,practicecollaborativeskills,shift“I,Me,Mine”thinkingto“We,Our,Us,”andbroadentheirsocial-spheres.

• Promotinginclusion(ChallengeDay,Lunch-BunchGroups,Mix-It-UpLunches,BASETeams,FamilyGroups).• Teachingsocial-emotionalandempathyskillsthatpromoteteamworkskillssuchashowtoencourage,reduceconflicts,and

disagreerespectfully.• Ongoingsocial-skillskill-buildinglessonsthathelpchildrendevelopsocialskills,friendship-making,includeothers.(Check

behaviorreferralsandchatwithteacherstodeterminewhichskillsyourstudentsneedandthencreateaschool-wideimplementationplan).

• UsingongoingcollaborativepracticeslikeCooperativeLearningenhancesachievementandpolishesempathyskillslikelisteningforfeelings,resolvingconflicts,andperspectivetaking.

• Stressingsportsmanshipbothonandofffields.• ConflictResolutiontohelpstudentsworktogethertosolveproblems.• JigsawLearningstrategies(EliotAaronson)toreduceracialconflictandhelpbitterkidslearntocareabouteachother.

Hint:Choosingonecooperativestructureayearasaprofessionallearningfocusandpracticingitinstaffmeetingsincreasesthelikelihoodofeffectiveimplementationandempathygrowth.EMPATHYCOMPETENCY8:MoralCourage

Moralcourageistheinnerstrengththatmotivateschildrentoactontheirempatheticurgesandhelpothersdespitetheconsequences.It’snotalwayseasy,sometimestherearerisks,butthesechildrensticktheirnecksoutforjusticeandcompassion.TheyareUpstanders-theempathicelite-andtheystandupforothersbecausetheyknowdeepdownit’stherightandcaringthingtodo.Couragealsoincreasesstudents’resilience,creativity,confidence,willpowerandschoolengagement,andisteachable.Facingfeartakescouragebuteachstephelpskidsdiscoverinnerstrength,andstartswithencouragementfromempatheticeducators.

• Strategiesthathelpstudentsunderstandmoralcourage,findinnerstrength,andlearntospeakupforothers.• OpportunitiesforstudentstopracticeUpstanderskillssotheybecomehabitssuchasrole-playing,teachingyoungerkids,

andpresentingthemtopeersinassemblies.• Debate,engagingclassdiscussions,SocraticDialogue,andCivicDiscoursetohelpstudentsfindtheirvoiceandpractice

speakingout.• Herolessonsthathelpkidsrecognizethatevenordinarypeoplelikethemselvescandoextraordinarythings(whetherit’sin

historylikeGandhiorMandela,infiction:DorothyGaleorHarryPotter;orinreallifelikeveteransorfirstresponders).AskyourstaffhowtheyhelpstudentslearnUpstanderstrategiestoassistbulliedpeersorthosetreatedunfairly.

EMPATHYCOMPETENCY9:AltruisticLeadership,ServiceandStewardship

EncouragingstudentstohelpotherscanactivateempathyaswellashelpthemseethemselvesasChangemakers:individualswhomakepositivechangesandinspireotherstofollow.Giving-notreceiving-iswhatmakeskidshappier,healthier,lessstressed,andfeelbetteraboutthemselves(Luks,2010).Whenkidsseetheimpactoftheircaringtheyrealizetheycanmakeadifference.Thebestnewsisthateverystudenthasthepotentialtomaketheworldabetterplace,thatisifweprovidetherightexperiences.Lookfor:

• Opportunitieswherestudentspracticeleadershipsotheylearntoseethemselvesascontributingcitizens.• Leadershipopportunitiesforstudentsofallagestotakechargeandidentifytheirleadershipstyle.• Communityserviceprojects-whetherbringingtoystoashelterordeliveringbookstoaseniorhome-wherekidsseethe

worldthroughother’seyesandpracticecontribution.• DesignThinkingwherestudentstakeonproblemsinmanageabledoses,stretchdeeperpersonalunderstandingofthe

peopleinvolvedanddesignempathy-basedsolutions.• ProjectBasedLearningtoopenstudents’eyestoglobalissues,andthencollaborate,identify,andsolvereal-worldproblem

using21stcenturytools.Whatisyourschooldoingtohelpallstudentsrealizetheycanmaketheworldabetterplace?Whichstudentsareyouoverlooking?

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

6

HOWTODEVELOPANEMPATHY-CENTEREDSCHOOL8TenetsEducationalLeadersUsetoBuildStrongEmpathy-FocusedSchools

“A great leader has ‘compelling modesty’, is more we-centric, not I centric, is quiet, humble, calm and aims for the common good.” – Jim Collins, Good to Great

Creatinganempathy-basedschoolisnotquickandoftenisyearsinthemaking,butempathyquestalwaysisakeyfocus.Thougheachschoolvaries,herearefourtenetsthatstrongeducationalleadersdotocreatestrongempathy-centeredschools.TENET1:StrongEducationalLeadersDevelopSafe,Caring,Inclusive,EquitableLearningClimates

Empathybreedsinasafe,trustingenvironmentandisthefoundationtothewell-beingofaschool.Strongeducationalleadersmaketheschoolcultureandclimateatoppriority.

• Continuallyassessstaff,students,parentsandthecommunityastotheirperceptionsofschoolsafety,caringandorderliness.Doallconstituentsperceivetheschoolenvironmentassafe,secure,caringandorderly?

• Atleastonceayearcollectdatafromstudentsviafocusgroups,questionnairesandanonymousbullyingsurveysastowhethertheyfeelsafe,respectedandcaredaboutatschool.

• DoquickperiodicWalk-Throughsoftheschooltogaugeifitissafeandorderly.Dostudentsandstaffappearhappy,includedandengaged?

• Holdquickconversationsamongstaff,parentsandstudentstoassesstheirinputandsuggestionsforimprovement.• PeriodicallyexamineEasy-to-GatherQuantitativeDatatomonitoryourschoolclimateincluding:disciplinereferrals,

detentions,suspensions,expulsions,tardies,truancies,bullyingincidents,parentorcommunitycommunicationregardingschoolsafetyconcerns,andstudentinteractionswithcounselorsandguidancedepartmentrelatedtoschoolsafetyorcommentsandsuggestionsaboutsafetysubmittedtoyourschool’swebsite.Makeeffortstoaddressandremedyareasidentifiedbystudents,parentsandstaff.

• Atleastonceayearreviewstudentsurveyresultson“happiness”orattitudinalsurveyresults(forinstance,GallupStudentPoll;Gallup,2013).

• Identifyyourmarginalizedormorevulnerablestudentswhomaybefeelexcludedortargetedbybulliesandcreate“safetynets.”Assignstafftomonitoror“watchout”forthemorallocatespaces/roomsas“safezones”toseekcomfort.Seekguidanceofcounselorsorpsychologisttohelpbuildtheirconfidence,learnsocialskillsorbullyingpreventionstrategies.Holdongoingstaffconversationsastohowtohelpallstudents(especiallythoseidentifiedasmarginalized)fitin,feelcaredaboutandsafe.

TENET2:StrongEducationalLeadersWalkandTalkEmpathyandModelTheirMission

“Simply paying attention allows us to build an emotional connection. Lacking attention, empathy hasn’t a chance.” – Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

Anempathy-centeredschoolincludesadultinteractions.Tuneupyourempatheticleadershipstyle.Anempatheticleader…

• Promotesapositiveempathiccultureandmakeseachpartoftheschoolasafehavenbuiltontrust.• Engagesindialoguesanddebate,notcoercion.HoldBraveConversationswithstaffsotheyknowlisteningis“two-way.”• Leadswithquestions,notanswers.Seekstounderstand,notblame.• Focusesonwhatwecanbegreatat,notfailings.• Createsateam“we-centered”approachandequitablecollaboration.(Empathyunderliescollaboration).• Isadeeplistenerwhotriestounderstand;withholdsjudgments.• Ispeople-centeredandinvestsinthewell-beingofbothstudentsandstaff;peopleandrelationship.• Modelsthenineempathycompetenciessothestaffandstudentrecognizethatyouwalkthetalk.

BRAVEREFLECTION

Whatareyoudoingtoshowyourstaff,studentsandparentsthatyouwalkandtalkempathy?

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

7

TENET3:StrongEducationalLeadersHelptheStaffUnderstand“Why”EmpathyMattersSoTheyAreCommittedtoEmpathyEducationEmpathy-centeredschoolsareledbyeducationleaderswhohelpthestaffrecognize“WHY”empathymatters.Theleaderdevelopsasenseofimmediacyorafocusedurgencyabouttheneedforempathyandhelpsmovethestafftocommittoembracingchange.Teachersaremoreapttoembraceaconceptandaltertheirhabitswhentheyunderstandthedeepreasonforchange[McRELInsights:Schoolsthat“BeattheOdds.”Aurora,CO.BryanGoodwin,2005].

• Startwithasharedunderstandingofwhyempathymatters.Shareyourvisionwithstaffsotheyareclearastothe“why.”

• Dispelempathymythssostaffrecognizesthatempathyisnotsoft,canbecultivated,andessentialforstudentsuccess.

• Provideastrongcase:showevidenceastowhyyourculture,students,staffwillbenefitfromempathyeducation.

• Presentthecasethatempathyiscrucialfor21stcenturylearningandatopemployabilityskill.

• Offerastrongcaseforempathywithevidenceanddatafromyourschoolsuchasyourbehaviorreferrals(inparticularincidentsofstudentaggression,anti-socialbehavior,bullying,racism,studentmentalhealthneeds,counselorandpsychologistreportsonstudents’anxiety,stress,depression.

• Shareinformaldatasuchasparentalconcernsonstudentstressanddesireforeducationthataddressesthe“wholechild,”teacherreports,andstudent/staff/parentsurveys,focusgroupdata.

• Showhowempathyeducationisthefoundationpiecetowhatyoumaybeimplementing(orhopeto)suchasInclusion,diversitytraining,bullyingprevention,SEL,socialjustice,Upstandertraining,mindfulness,servicelearning,restorativepractices,Capstoneproject,equityeducation.Stressthattheyareallundertheumbrellaofempathyeducation.

• Showthebenefitsandvalueforimplementingempathyandtheimpactithasforstudents’learning,mentalhealth,behavior.

• Providethebenefits,butalsodiscusstheoutcomesforstudentsandstaff.• Holdhonest,braveconversationsaroundtheEmpathyDiptoboosttheirbuy-in.• Listentostaffviewsandconcernsaboutempathy-buildingwithoutjudgmentandtrytoresolvetheconcerns.

TENET4:StrongEducationalLeadersBuildCollaborativeRelationshipsforTheirStafftoWorkCollectively

toDevelopEmpathyEducationBasedonTheirUniqueCulture,BeliefsandPopulationNeedsCreatinganempathy-centeredschooldependsonbuildingrelationshipsanddevelopingdeep,meaningfultrustandcommongoals.Gainingstaffperspectiveiscrucialtohowstrongeducationalleadersdirecttheextentofempathyeducationimplementationanddeterminestheirschoolfocus.Akeytoculturetransformationisforthestafftodevelopstrongbuy-inandcommitmentsotheyseeempathyeducationas“theirjointproject”notmerelytheeducationalleader’s“newpetidea.”Acommonleaderflawisnotallottingtimeforthestafftoengageincollaborativeexperienceswheretheyworktogethertofindcommongroundandstrengthentrustononeanother.Ideastoconsider:

• Createmultipleteacherteamswhoremaintogethertolearnandunderstandtheimportanceofempathy.• Viewanddiscussshortvideosabouttherelevanceofempathyeducationsuchas:

“BreneBrownonEmpathy”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw“EmpathyIsaVerb”MicheleBorbaTEDXTalkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVTiplEG91s“UnderstandingEmpathy”withSimonSinekTEDTalkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi86Nr9Mdms“HowtoActivateKids’EmpathyMicheleBorbaCharacter.orghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqUgVH5jBmI“TheImportanceofEmpathy”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzPMMSKfKZQ“TheEmpathicCivilization”JeremyRifkinTEDTalkhttps://www.ted.com/talks/jeremy_rifkin_on_the_empathic_civilization

• Sendstaffteamstoviewnearbyschoolswhoareimplementingempathyeducationtoviewanddiscussprosandconsoftheirapproachestogether.

• DostaffmeetingJigsawLessonsabouteachoftheninehabitsasastafftohelpstaffworktogethertounderstandempathyresearch.Breakthestaffintogroupsandassignmentsintopiecesthatthegroupassemblestocompletethe(jigsaw)puzzle.

• Startastaffbookclubandreadaboutempathyeducation[SeethefreeUnSelfieEducatorBookGuidemicheleborba.com]• Assignteachergradelevelpartnerstoworktogethertoplanempathy.• Createstaffsubjectteams(history,English,science,health,etc.)todiscusswaystoweaveempathyintoeverysubjectarea.• Createastaffteamtodevelopaschool-widedisciplineplanbasedonempathy-buildingpracticessuchasrestorativejustice

andreplaceaggressionwithprosocialbehaviorsandrepairrelationships

ElizabethSegal,UniversityofArizona

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

8

• Askstaffwhatempathybuildingresourcestheyneedandthenbringinspeakersormakeavailablethoseresources.• Offerongoingprofessionaldevelopmentaboutempathyandsocial-emotionallearning.Convincestaffthatthisisaone-

timestaffdevelopment,butasustainedcommitmentinempathyeducation.• Takeononebestpracticeeachyearforyourstafftrainingthatnurturesacademicachievementandempathy(suchas

CooperativeLearning,RestorativeJustice,ClassMeetings,ConflictResolution).Continuetoworkonthatonepracticethroughouttheyear,runyourstaffmeetingswiththepracticesoeducatorsfeelcompetenttousethestrategywithstudents.

• Holdtwo-wayconversations:askforandlistentostaffconcernsandsuggestionspriortomakingmajordecisionsonempathyeducationsoit’s“our”project/ideanot“yours.”

• Conductbrave,seriousstaffdiscussionsaboutyourexistingSchoolP’s:Policies,Procedures,Practices,Principles(andevenPeople).Forinstance:disciplinepolicies,lunchroomsittingarrangements,schoolrules,visionstatement,behaviorreferrals,advisoryprograms).Aretheyalignedwithempathy-education?Ifnot,whynot?Whichshouldbechanged?DevelopteamstostudyandalignyourP’swithEmpathyEducation.

TENET5:StrongEducationalLeadersRecognizeTheirStaffAlsoNeedstoWorkonTheirOwnEmpathy

Anoften-missedtenetinempathyeducationisthat“inordertoteachempathy,theeducatormusthaveempathy.”Educationalleadersrecognizethatmanyeducatorsaresufferingfromstress/compassionfatigueand/orrealizethatteacherempathyislow.Empathycanbecultivatedatanyageandworkingonpracticesthatinstillempathywillalsohelpeducatorsusethesamepracticestoteachtheirstudents.Herearefewideas:

• LearnMindfulnessorMeditation:Trainonestaffmemberintheapproachthenholddailymorning,afternoonorafterschool10-minuteStaffMindfulSessions

• Dostaffbookclubsusingliteraryfiction:proventoheightenempathy:BelCanto,AlltheLightWeCannotSee,BlackLikeMe,ExtremelyLoudandIncrediblyClose,TheKnifeofNeverLettingGo,TheNightingale,ToKillaMockingbird.

• Studyempathypracticesandchoosea“stretchgoal”todoasastaff,smallteamorindividual:Empathy:WhyItMattersandHowtoGetIt,WiredtoCare,TheAgeofEmpathy,Mindsight

• Holdmoreinformalstaffget-togethers(retreats,luncheons,TGIFs)todevelopcollegiality• Intentionallypracticelisteningskillsinstaffmeetingsinpairsortriads• Takeonacommunityserviceprojectasastaff(foodbank,homelessshelter,incarceratedyouth,women’sshelter).

TENET6:StrongEducationalLeadersWorktoHelpEducatorsCultivate

CaringRelationshipsandEmpathizewithStudents“A high degree of empathy in a relationship is possibly the most potent factor in

bringing about change and learning.”–Carl Rogers Researchshowstheimportanceofteacherempathy:themorepositiveinteractionstudentshavewiththeirteachersthemorelikelystudentswilllearneffectively,careaboutschool,demonstrateprosocialbehaviors,beengagedintheirlearning.

• Readanddiscuss:“TeacherEmpathyReducesStudentSuspensions,StanfordResearchShows”https://news.stanford.edu/2016/04/26/teacher-empathy-reduces-student-suspensions-stanford-research-shows/

• Holddiscussionswithteachersabouttheimpactofempathyinteaching:“Thinkbacktoyourownschooldaysandyourbestlearningexperiences.Whatwereyoudoing?Whatmadeityourbestexperienceormemorable?Whatmakesgoodteachers?Whatwouldbesomecharacteristicsofempatheticteachers?”Whatfactorsmakeitdifficulttoempathizewithstudents?

• Helpdispeleducatorresistancetoempathy:“Iamnotatouchy-feelingperson.”“I’mnotatherapist.”“Empathydoesn’thaveanythingtodowiththesubjectIteach.”“Idon’thavetime.”

• Discusswaystobuildrapportandrelationshipswithstudents:Callstudentsbytheirname,meetthematthedoor,dosurveystofindouttheirinterestsandtalents,arriveearlyorstaylatetojustchat,berespectful,smile!http://www.socialpsychology.org/rapport.htm.Brainstormlistsofstudentrapportbuildersandkeepthemonthewall!

• Discuss:“Whenstudentsseetheiractionsandvoicesarenotonlyvaluedbutalsoempowered,theybegintoturnfrommotivation-freetomotivated:JasonFlominEducationWeekTeacher“Howcanwehelpstudentsfeelvalued?”

• Identify“invisiblekids”orthosewhorarelyopenup,areexcluded,youdon’tknowmuchaboutandtrytoconnectorfindotherstaffmemberswhocanhelpyoureachthem.

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

9

• Holdbraveconversations:“AmIgenuine?”Sinceweempathizewiththosemorelikeourselves:“DoIstepoutofmycomfortonetounderstandstudentswhoaredifferentfromme?”“Howdomystudentsdescribeme?”“HowcanIhelpmystudentsfeelsaferandknowmebetter?”“HowcanIgettoknowmystudentsbetter?”

• Discusswaystohelpteachersgetintotheirstudents’shoesandunderstandwherethey’recomingfrom.Ideasinclude:TakeahomevisitforaconferenceSurveystudents“Isthereanythingyou’dlikemetoknowaboutyouthatwouldhelpmeteachyou?”Discussstudentsyouareconcernedaboutamongststafftounderstandandempathizewiththeirpredicament(thelistisendlessbutafew:deployment,parentalincarceration,poverty,stress,depression,abuse,hunger,learningdisabilities,race

• TrytheShadow-a-StudentChallengehttp://shadowastudent.orgorhttps://dschool.stanford.edu/shadow-a-student-k12/BookstoHelpStaffUnderstandaStudent’sPerspectiveAfewthataddressissuesthattoday’syouthface:

•BeyondMagenta:TransgenderTeensSpeakOut,bySusanKuelin(Transgender)•ThisIsHowItAlwaysIs,byLaurieFrankel(Joysandtrialsofparentingatransgenderchild)•LookMeintheEye:MyLifewithAsperger’s,byJohnElderRobinson•TheCuriousIncidentoftheDogintheNight-Time,byMarkHaddon(Autism)•TheGirlWhoSmiledBeadsbyClementineWamariya(Enduringseveretrauma-genocide)•Educated:AMemoir,byTaraWestover(Urban-ruraldivide,self-schooled,powerful)•GirlinPieces,byKathleenGlasgow(Cuttingdisorder)•13ReasonsWhy,byJayAsher(Depression,suicide)•HillbillyElegy,byJ.D.Vance(Poverty,familyandcultureincrisis)

•WhyAreAlltheBlackKidsSittingTogetherintheCafeteria,byBeverlyDanielTatum(Racism)•EveryoneMakesMistakes:LivingwithMyDaddyinJail,by11-yearoldMadisonStrempeck(Incarceration)•TheLanguageofFlowers,byVanessaDiffenbaugh(Fostercare,trauma,noattachment)•There’saBoyinHere:EmergingfromtheBondsofAutism,byJudyBarronandSeanBarron(Autism)•IWishMyTeacherKnew:HowOneQuestionCanChangeEverythingforOurKidsbyKyleSchwartz•BetweentheWorldandME,byTa-NehisiCoates(Lettertohisteenson,describeswhatit’sliketobeblack)•#NeverAgain,byDavidHoggandLaurenHogg(ParklandHighteenssurviveschoolshooting)•Evicted,byMatthewDesmond(Incomeinequality)

BRAVESTAFFCHATS

Setasideafewminutesforeachstaffmeetingtodiscusstheneedforempathyeducation.Use“GoogleAlert”tonotifyyouastolate-breakingnewsandresearchonempathyanddistributethoselinksarethearticlestodiscussasastafforpostthemonastaffbulletinboard:“EmpathyintheNews.”TENET7:StrongEducationalLeadersInvolveParentsandCommunityinEmpathyEducation

Empathyeducationinvolvesallstakeholders.Howareyouhelpingyourparentsadoptempathy-buildingpractices?Forinstance:bookclubs,make-andtakesessions,speakers,Twitterfeeds,parenthelpinginserviceprojects,newsletters,parentcoaches.Howcanweengageparents-we’dliketogetoffthe1950modelmostschoolsstilluse?TENET8:StrongEducationalLeadersInvolveStudentsinEmpathyDevelopment

Empathyeducationempowersstudentstorealizetheycanmakeadifference.• Whatareyoudoingtohelpyourstudentsfindtheirvoice,developempathicmindsetsand

realizetheycanbettertheworld?• WhichSELskillsdoyourstudentsneedtodevelopthenineempathycompetencies.• WhichSELskillsorempathycompetenciesareyouteachingyourstudents?Howareyou

determiningwhichhabits,skillsorcompetenciesyourstudentsneed?Howareyouassessingyoursuccesses?

• Whattypeofstrategiesandbestpracticesareyouusingtohelpyourstudentsrecognizethattheycanmakeadifferenceintheworld?Howisservicelearningusedatyourschool?

• Howareyourstudentslearningleadershipskills?Whichstudentsmightyoubeoverlooking?Howcanyouinvolvethem?BRAVEEDUCATORREFLECTION

Whichoftheeighteducationalleadershiptenetsdoyouconsideryourstrengths?Whichisyourweakness?Wouldyourstaffagree?Howdoyouthinkyourparents,studentsandstaffwoulddescribeyourleadershipstyleandyourschool?Whataboutyourschool’sstrengthsandweaknesses?Ifyouarenotsure,whatwayswouldyougetanaccurateassessment?

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

10

MYTAKEAWAYSONEMPATHYEDUCATION MicheleBorba,Ed.D. isaninternationallyrenownededucator,formerclassroomteacher,andparenting,childandbullyingexpertrecognizedforhersolution-basedstrategiestostrengthenchildren’sempathyandsocial-emotionalintelligenceandcharacter,andreducepeercruelty.Asought-aftermotivationalspeaker,shehaspresentedkeynotestooveronemillionparticipantsthroughoutNorthAmerica,SouthAmerica,Europe,Asia,theMiddleEast,SouthPacificandservedasaconsultanttohundredsofschoolsandcorporationsincludingthePentagonand18USArmybasesinEuropeandtheAsian-Pacific.Herproposal:“EndingSchoolViolenceandBullying”(SB1667)wassignedintoCalifornialawin2002.Dr.Borbahasappearedasaneducationandparentexpert140timesliveontheTODAYshowaswellasDateline,Dr.Phil,TheView,NBCNightlyNews,TheDoctors,Dr.Oz,AndersonCooper,KatieCouric,MSNBC,Fox&Friends,Countdown,Fox,TheEarlyShow,CNNandothersandfeaturedinTIME,WashingtonPost,Newsweek,People,BostonGlobe,U.S.News&WorldReport,NewYorkTimes.SpeakingclientsvaryfromtheUnitedStatesMilitaryAcademy,SesameStreet,TempletonFoundation,LearningandtheBrain,HarvardUniversity,theCrownPrinceofAbuDhabiandaTEDxTalkentitled:“EmpathyIsaVerb.”Her24booksaretranslatedinto18languagesincludingNobodyLikesMe,NoMoreMisbehavin,’Don’tGiveMethat Attitude!, BuildingMoral Intelligence, 12 Simple Secrets RealMoms Know, Parents DoMake ADifference, The Big Book ofParentingSolutions,EndPeerCruelty,BuildEmpathy,andUnSelfie:WhyEmpatheticKidsSucceedInOurAll-AboutMeWorld. And served asWorldGoodwillAmbassadorforM.I.T.’sOneLaptopperChildproject. ShehadaprivatepracticewithchildrenwithlearningandemotionaldisabilitiesShereceivedaDoctorateinEducationalPsychologyandCounselingfromtheUniversityofSanFrancisco,anM.A.inLearningDisabilitiesandB.A.fromtheUniversityofSantaClara,andaLifeTeachingCredentialfromSanJoseStateUniversity.

©2018MicheleBorba,Ed.D.ContactDr.BorbaforspeakingatMicheleBorba.com.FollowheronTwitter@micheleborba

11