Embracing Children in Embracing Children in Trauma and Family Trauma and Family

CrisisCrisis

Linda Ranson Jacobs

Healthy Loving Partnerships for Our Kids

www.hlp4.com

Aaron’s Story

One of abandonment

Being taken by police officer

Placed in emergency shelter

Entering foster care

Separated from sibling

Trauma & Family Crisis• Weather related disasters• Terrorist attacks • Death of someone close• Desertion of one or both parents• Foster care / kinship care• Divorce• Abuse• Deployed parent to war zone

Key ConceptsKey Concepts

• The nature of the The nature of the traumatrauma alone does alone does not determine the reactionnot determine the reaction

• When the children are in When the children are in crisiscrisis, often , often the parents are alsothe parents are also

• Reactions to most Reactions to most traumastraumas will be will be similarsimilar

Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on

Children by Deskin and Steckler

Circle of Life

• Preschool - family

• Elementary - school

• Teens - out of school activities

Key ConceptsKey Concepts

• When the When the traumatrauma is very large, like a natural disaster, is very large, like a natural disaster, expect the impact to be widespread and long lastingexpect the impact to be widespread and long lasting

• When the When the traumatrauma is small like a divorce, the impact is is small like a divorce, the impact is still devastating to the individuals involvedstill devastating to the individuals involved

• Simply being a Simply being a listening earlistening ear can be very helpful can be very helpful

• When you reach out to families in crisis, you can be When you reach out to families in crisis, you can be Jesus’ handsJesus’ hands

Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and

Their Effects on Children by Deskin and Steckler

Child’s Emotional Reaction Child’s Emotional Reaction toto CrisisCrisis

• RegressionRegression

• Quietness, lack of Quietness, lack of emotionemotion

• Lethargy/apathyLethargy/apathy

• Complaint of painComplaint of pain

• Nightmares/disturbed sleep common

• Beware the quiet child

• Note behavior change

• May be attention getting behavior

Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on Children, by Deskin and Steckler

Child’s Emotional Reaction Child’s Emotional Reaction toto CrisisCrisis

• Increased demands Increased demands for attentionfor attention

• IsolationIsolation

• Fearful/anxiousFearful/anxious

• Overactive/sillinessOveractive/silliness

• Clingy, dependent

• Attempt to order world

• Withdrawal/crying

• Gain attention & release tension

Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on Children, by Deskin and Steckler

Lessons Learned from the Oklahoma City Bombing

• Children re-grieve the loss as they grow

• Child’s reaction can be delayed

• Children do not need to be the victim or have witnessed to be traumatized

• Children have individual reaction

Lessons Learned from the Oklahoma City Bombing

• Children have own time table for healing

• Children grieve differently than adults

• Children may need an invitation to talk after the trauma

• Children need people to listen to them and their stories

Hardwired to Connect

Developed by the

Commission on Children At Risk

• Research report co-sponsored by YMCA of the USA, Dartmouth Medical School, and the Institute for American Values.

• Prepared by the Commission for Children at Risk, a panel of 33 leading children’s doctors, neuroscientists, research scholars, and youth service professionals.

The cause of this crisis of is….

A lack of Connectedness

– close connections to other people

– deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning

It’s All About The Brain

• The brain is hardwired to survive.

• In times of stress the brain will “downshift”.

• It’s as if your receptive arms suddenly close down to information.

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

Brain Downshifts Occur When There Are

• Physical threats

• Psychological threats

• Intellectual threats

• Emotional threats

• Cultural/social threats

• Resource restriction

Helpful Resources

Group Publishing, “Comforting

Children in Crisis”

KidsHealth, www.kidshealth.org

Understanding Their Brains

Brain Stem

Limbic

Cortex

Brain Stem - Freeze, Flight or Fight

Brain Stem Survival Mode, Avoids Pain

• Function

– Survival: Flight, Freeze, Fight

– Reactive and Fast

• Runs Away or withdraws

• Furious or EnragedPhysical Attacks

• Examples: Hides / Freezes Runs

Hits

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

What Can You Do?

• You cannot rationalize the brain stem

• You can describe what the action is.

Ex. “Your body is going like this.”

• Realize a response is to a perceived threat

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

Limbic - about Feelings

Limbic SystemAll About Emotions

Seeks Pleasure

• Function– Feelings– Emotions Memory– Motivation– Affiliation– Boundaries

• IndicatorsStrong Affect (anger)

Name CallingTerritorialityJudging, Blaming

• Examples: “Stupid idiot!”

“No butting!

“That’s my place.”

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

What Can You Do?

• You cannot teach the limbic system.

• You can mirror and reflect what they are sensing.

• Add empathy to the child Ex. “Seems to me your mad. I can

understand why you would be sad.”

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

Cortex - Think Logically, Make Choices, etc.

CortexFrontal Lobes

Likes Novelty/Challenge

• Function– Reason & Logic– Analysis– Language– Compassion &

Empathy

• Indicators:AnnoyedIrritated

• Example: “He pushed me!”

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

What Can You Do?

• Help child reason

• Validate feelings

• Listen to rationalizations

• Facilitate problem solving

• You can teach a child in the cortex

www.ConsciousDiscipline.com 800-842-2846

Activate Mirror Neurons

• Kids mimic your expressions

• “Mirror neurons show you what it’s like to experience what others do” (Bruce Perry, Born for Love)

• Mirror neurons at work - “Have a good day.”

Children Need Your Empathy Not Your Pity

Gavin conversation Christmas night

Me: What’s going on? Tell me why you seem sad.

Gavin: I miss my mom. I want my mommy.

Me: I know you do. It’s hard not to have mommy here on Christmas isn’t it?

Me: What could I do to help you tonight. Do you want me to rub your back or hold you for a little while?

Gavin: Hold me

Me: I can do that. Climb up here on my lap.

Dr. Bruce Perry, “Born to Love”

Empathy has been eroding due to the rapid changes in our society that have become measurable over the last five years.

All in all, we have fewer daily opportunities to connect face-to face in shorter amounts of time with smaller numbers of people.

Explaining Emotions (activity in DC4K)

Brain Fast Facts

• The best exercise for the brain is exercise (get the kids moving)

• Connections on the outside with others create connections on the inside

• Recognize the value of repetition

• Brain functions optimally when it feels safe

Understanding the Legacy

• Fear about safety

• Behavior problems

• Regression to younger habits

• Total confusion

Short-Term Legacy

• Intense stress

• Overwhelming emotions

• Difficulty completing task

• Academic problems

Undue Stress

• It’s uncomfortable

• Causes health problems

• Affects the brain

• Smaller brains - on average 25% smaller

• May affect the ability to memorize

Stress Reducing Tips

• Stretching - cross lateral & midline

• Breathe from the diaphragm

• Foods - applesauce, mashed potatoes, OJ, bananas

• Music

Tips & Techniques

• Create safe environments

• Be a Safe Keeper / Shepherd

• Develop routines, routines build security

• Develop rituals, rituals are emotional glue

Tips & TechniquesTips & Techniques• Relationships are of utmost

importance

• Get to know each child

- Last names - all last names

• Josh’s story

What Does Scripture What Does Scripture Say?Say?

““If one of you says to him, If one of you says to him,

‘‘Go I wish you well; keep warm and well Go I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his fed,’ but does nothing about his

physical needs, what good is it?”physical needs, what good is it?”

James 2:16James 2:16

“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.”

Deuteronomy 32:2 (NIV)