HOW TO TALK IT OUT

Step One: STOP! COOL OFF!(Give Your Brain Time to Think!)

Step Two: TAKE TURNS TALKING AND LISTENINGTO EACH OTHER.(Treat Each Other With Respect.)

Step Three: FIND OUT HOW YOU BOTH FEEL ANDWHAT YOU BOTH NEED.( Start with “I need...”.)

Step Four: BRAINSTORM POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS.( What might each of you do so that you both get what you need and want?)

Step Five: CHOOSE THE IDEA YOU BOTH LIKE BEST.

Step Six: MAKE A PLAN TO MAKE IT WORK. GO FOR IT!(It will only work if both of you want it to!)

IF YOUR SOLUTION DOES NOT WORK OUT, COME BACK AND TRY AGAIN! TALK ABOUT WHAT DID NOT WORK.

What is Conflict?What is Conflict?

“Perception of Incompatible Aspirations”PIA=C

Not all interactions involve conflict...Not all interactions involve conflict...

Most of the time, people manage to get along with others with consideration,

helpfulness and skill..

…and when conflict arises more often than not it is settled

On the other hand all interactions present a potential for conflict

……but conflict is going to happenbut conflict is going to happen

Whether you like it or not…

regardless of your best intentions…or how hard you try you avoid it…conflict will happen in your life…

and you will find yourself, your groups and your society in conflict…

….time after time

The Good News…The Good News…

Conflict promotes change(internal and external)

Provides for ways to facilitate the reconciliation of legitimate but

opposed interests

Conflict is the growing edge of relationships

……and the Bad News.and the Bad News.

if mismanaged, conflict is fully capable of destroying relationships, and

wreak havoc in

our personal life, groups,

the larger society and the entire World

The central question in Conflict The central question in Conflict Management Management

“How can we avoid conflict’s potential for destruction and turn it into an

agent of change and growth?”

Conflict Management ServicesConflict Management Services

• CONSULTATION

• MEDIATION & FACILITATION

• SKILL BUILDING

Nature of conflict

• Conflict is always possible when more than one person is involved in any activity.

• Potential for conflict is always present

• Occurs in every normal human relationship

REASONS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

• Change

• Different communication styles

• Mismatched goals, mismatched expectations, and mismatched values

• Limited resources

PROCESS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

• Conflicts arises due to extreme power imbalance, social injustice, or structural violence where people find it difficult to satisfy their basic human needs

• LEVELS OF CONFLICT

– Internal– Interpersonal – Institutional

Internal

• Torn between two competing choices, or sides

• Feel conflicting emotions in viewing an issue, or a group

• Can see valid arguments in support of both views

Interpersonal

• Disagreement or distrust develops between two or more individuals

• Leads to coolness and tensions in the relationships

• If unresolved, interpersonal conflict almost inevitably spreads among other members of group

• Awareness of self and awareness of others is critical.

Institutional

• Involves conflict between groups• Groups may be formal or informal• Sometimes groups are organized for the

specific purpose of engaging in conflict and other groups are organized to counter those efforts.

• Usually find competing groups are well-intentioned, firmly convinced of rightness of their positions

FORMS OF CONFLICT

• Latent

• Overt

Latent

• Conflict cannot be observed, but it exists nevertheless.

• Tensions and dissatisfaction exist, but there are no visible evidence of that conflict

• Results of latent conflict are anxiety, stress, frustration, discontent, and disharmony

Overt

• If not relieved or resolved, latent conflict leads to overt conflict.

• Action takes place; frustration and anxiety are expressed, mistrust becomes distrust

• If appropriate and decisive action is not taken to relieve the causes of the conflict, the conflict will pose serious risks to the organization.

PARTS OF CONFLICT

• Core – Involves the basic things that the conflict is

about – the incompatible interests, unmet needs, fundamental value differences

• Complicating factors – Extra issues and problems that occur as the

conflict goes on that; makes dealing with the core conflict more difficult

Five Myths about Conflict

• Conflict is dysfunctional in the workplace

• Conflict represents communication breakdown

• If avoided, conflict will eventually go away

• All conflicts can be resolved

• Conflict always results in a winner and a loser

STYLES OF MANAGEMENT CONFLICT

• AVOIDING

• ACCOMMODATING

• COMPETING

• COMPROMISING

• COLLABORATING

AVOIDING

• Effective when the conflict is temporary

• The risk of engaging is too high

• Avoidance does not solve the problem

• May make the situation worse as time goes on

ACCOMMODATING

• Effective when the conflict is temporary

• A way of maintaining harmony by maintaining cohesiveness

• Sacrificing one’s values or principles

• You may lose the respect of others.

COMPETING

• Best (or only) way to reach one’s goals is to overrule others

• This approach frequently disregards the concerns of adversaries completely

• The power-based method is appropriate

COMPROMISING

• Compromising gives up more than competing but less than accommodating

• Compromising requires cooperation and might mean exchanging concessions

• Compromising is sometimes appropriate when you’ve been unable to reach an acceptable agreement

COLLABORATING

• Requires cooperation and might mean exchanging concessions

• Increases commitment to working together to resolve conflicts.

• To meet one’s own needs and those of others as well

Contd..

• conflict provides opportunities to work with others to produce resolutions that serve both individual and common interests

• process of working together for a solution, better decisions result, and the relationship between the conflicting parties improves

  • •

•

• •

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENTCONFLICT MANAGEMENTTOOLTOOL

  • Competition

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

COMPETINGCOMPETING

  • Competition

• Accommodation

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

ACCOMODATINGACCOMODATING

  • Competition

• Avoiding • Accommodation

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

AVOIDINGAVOIDING

  • Competition

• Compromise

• Avoiding • Accommodation

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

COMPROMISINGCOMPROMISING

  • Competition • Collaboration

• Compromise

• Avoiding • Accommodation

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

COLLABORATINGCOLLABORATING

  • Competition • Collaboration

• Compromise

• Avoiding • Accommodation

High High AssertivenessAssertiveness

Concern for Concern for Self Self

Low Low

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Low CooperationLow Cooperation High CooperationHigh Cooperation

Concern for Concern for OthersOthers

 Source: Thomas, K.W. “Conflict and Conflict Management,” In Handbook of Industrial

and Organizational Psychology, ed. M.D. Dunnette. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1976.

Conflict resolution implies solving, or closure

Where as

Conflict management implies something less

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

• Two categories:-– traditional win-lose– consensus building win-win

• Consensus not appropriate in all circumstances

• Desire for cooperative resolution• Participants desire to work things out

Negotiations

• Best way to solve any type of conflict• 4 principle are:-

– Parties must understand the process and view it as an effective way

– All parties must be willing to engage in a mutual gains approach

– The parties must prepare in advance of sessions

– The parties must be willing to engage in good faith

Principles for negotiation

• Separate the people from the problem

• Focus on interests

• Generate opinions

• Use objective criteria

APPROACHES TO CONSENSUS CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

• Partnering – for prevention

• Facilitated Negotiations – for management

• Mediation – for resolution

Partnering

• Establishes mutual goals and objectives• Parties consider their ongoing relationship

to be important to the overall achievement of shared goals and objectives

• Enables parties to anticipate and resolve problems

• Avoids disputes through informal conflict management procedures

• Way of unifying all parties into a team

Facilitated Negotiations

• Failure to agree does not clearly benefit one or more parties

• Suspicion and/or personality clashes have developed• Communication between parties has broken down or

an impasse has been reached• Tensions, emotions, or transaction costs running high • No single right solution that is required and

unalterable• Parties want or need to maintain some ongoing

relationship

Mediation• Mediation is a voluntary process. • Makes it attractive to many because it is their

choice• Resolution and settlement decisions are

made jointly by the parties • Decisions are placed in hands of those who

are affected by them • Relationships are often repaired and

preserved through process.• Does not take away anyone’s rights

Skills for Conflict Management

• WIN-WIN APPROACH • CREATIVE RESPONSE • EMPATHY• APPROPRIATE ASSERTIVENESS• COOPERATIVE POWER• MANAGING EMOTIONS• WILLINGNESS TO RESOLVE• MAPPING• BROADEN PERSPECTIVES

WIN-WIN APPROACH

• About changing the conflict from adversarial attack and defense to cooperation

• Powerful shift of attitude that alters the whole course of communication

• Partners rather than opponents

CREATIVE RESPONSE

• The creative response to conflict is about turning problems into possibilities.

• It is about consciously choosing to see what can be done, rather than saying “how terrible it is”!

• It is affirming that you will choose to extract the best from the situation.

EMPATHY

• Awareness of others

• Empathy is about rapport and openness between people.

• Best way to build empathy is to help other person feel understood

APPROPRIATE ASSERTIVENESS

• Awareness of self

• Being able to state your case without arousing the defenses of the other person

• It’s not being polite

COOPERATIVE POWER

• Responding to resistance from others

• Explore the difficulties and then re-direct discussion to focus on positive possibilities

MANAGING EMOTIONS

• Handling yourself

• Don’t indulge

• Don’t deny

• Create richer relationships

WILLINGNESS TO RESOLVE…

• Does the situation inform or inflame?

• The more someone inflames me, angers or upsets me, the more I know I have something to learn about myself from that person.

MAPPING

• Define briefly the issue, the problem area or conflict in neutral terms that all would agree on and that don’t invite a yes or no answer. – Issue:

• Precipitating events• Historical context

– For each party:• Who• Needs

– Concerns:• Facts, values, interests

– Tactics– Power– Goals

BROADEN PERSPECTIVES

• Respect and value differences

• Each person’s viewpoint makes a contribution to the whole and requires consideration and respect in order to form a complete solution.

Ernie the ElephantLearns AboutManaging Conflict

One day after school, Lisa the Lion and Jim the Jaguar decided to go play video games at the local arcade.

When they got to the arcade, the kids saw a new game. It was called “Space Invaders.” Lisa and Jim were both veryexcited and wanted to play the game.

Lisa and Jim began to argue over who would play the game first. Lisa got angry and grabbed Jim’s hat and threw it on the floor.

This made Jim VERY mad and he pulled Lisa’s hair. Then, Lisa began to cry and told Jim “I am not your friend anymore, meanie-head.”

Heather the Hawk had been playing a game nearby and saw everything that had happened. Heather is Lisa’s best friend and she got mad at Jim and decided to punch him.

Just as she was about to punch him, Ernie the Elephant came over and said “You should not fight, and violence is NOT the answer. Why don’t we go get something to eat and talk about what happened?”

After the four friends talked about everything that happened, they promised each other that they would never fight again. They decided to always talk abouthow they felt.

Flowchart For Problem ResolutionFlowchart For Problem Resolution

Don’t Mess With It!

YES NO

YES

You IDIOT!NO

Will it Blow UpIn Your Hands?

NO

Look The Other Way!

Anyone ElseKnows? You’re SCREWED!

YESYES

NO

Hide It! Can You Blame Someone Else?

NO

NO PROBLEM!YES

Is It Working?

Did You Mess With It?