Comm. in Personal Relationships1

Imagine that… suddenly……. you lose your family,have no close friendsand no romantic partner…….

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Communication inPersonal Relationships

1. What is the difference between commitment and love?

2. Is it healthy for relationships if partners don’t always want to be with each other?

3. What kinds of communication sustain long-distance friendships and romances?

4. Are most romantic relationships equitable for women and men?

5. How can couples communicate effectively about safer sex?

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Understanding Personal Relationships Personal relationship: A voluntary commitm

ent between irreplaceable individuals who are influenced by rules, relationship dialectics, and surrounding contexts.

Features of personal relationships Uniqueness (see next slides) Commitment Relationship rules Embeddedness in contexts Relationship Dialectics

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Features of Personal Relationships Uniqueness

Social relationship vs. Personal relationship Connection defined by particular people and

what they create Commitment

A decision to remain with relationship, intention to share with the future

Passion (an intense feeling), Investment

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Features of Personal Relationships Relationship Rules

Guiding communication and interaction; unspoken understanding

Constitutive rules: Meanings in various communication

Regulative rules: When and with whom specified; “shalt not” in marriage, religious groups

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Features of Personal Relationships Embeddednes in contexts (social)

Surroundings influence interactionsNorms in groups, family, raceParticular others & generalized othersApproval and disapprovalIncreasing cultural diversity

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Features of Personal Relationships Relationship dialectics: Opposing vs.

Continuous tensionsAutonomy / Connection

• Wanting to be separated and connectedNovelty / Predictability

• Wanting routines and noveltyOpenness/ Closedness

• Desires to be open and to maintain privacy

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Four Ways to Deal with Dialectical Tensions Neutralization

Negotiating a balance Separation

Favoring one and ignoring the other Segmentation

Assigning spheres Reframing

Redefining contradictions

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Evolutionary Course ofFriendship (6 stages)

1. Usually begins with role-limited interaction2. Friendly relations

Common ground and interest3. Moving toward friendship

Stepping beyond social roles4. Nascent friendship

Increased involvement and caring5. Stabilized friendship

Shared assumption of continuity & trust6. Waning friendship

Ceased being committed see p. 232: Rules of friendship

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Evolutionary Course ofRomantic Relationship (3 phases)

Escalating (see next slides)Typically six stages

NavigatingOngoing process of communication to

sustain intimacy over time Deteriorating

Intimacy weakens, dissatisfaction mounts

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Escalating (6 stages)

Individuals not interacting Invitational communication

Proximity & Similarity Exploratory communication Intensifying communication

Involves idealized (more than real; euphoria), personalized communication (private codes)

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Escalating

Revising communicationComing down to talk about strengths,

problems, the futureNegotiation, even conflicts

CommitmentDecision to stay with a relationship

permanently

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Navigating

On-going process Dynamic (not stable), working through

new problems Relationship culture: The nucleus

A private worldRules, understandings, patterns…Usually unspoken

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Deteriorating (5 phases)

Dyadic breakdown Degeneration of relationship culture Gender differences (p. 242)

Intrapsychic phase Brooding about problems, thinking about alte

rnatives; self-fulfilling prophesy happens Dyadic phase

Not always occur, tends to involve conflict Avoiding talking about problems Cyclical pattern in breaking up (undergraduat

es in a study)

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Deteriorating

Social phaseHow to explain breakupSeeking social support

Grave dressingBurying the relationship, accepting its

end

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Styles of Loving (p. 240)

Eros 激情 ; 強烈 passionate, intense Storge 知己 ; 益友 “ best friends” love Ludus 遊嬉 ; 挑戰 playful, manipulative Mania 狂熱 ; 極端 unsettling, emotional Agape 無我無私 selfless, devoted Pragma 務實 ; 理性 goal-oriented, practic

al

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Challenges inPersonal Relationship Dealing with distance (see 246 for coping strategies)

Lack of daily communication Unrealistic expectation for time together

Managing dual-career relationship Lack of equity Women with more psychological responsibilities

Avoiding violence and abuse between intimates Violence seldom stops without intervention Predictable cycle (p. 248)

Negotiating safer sex HIV (AIDS) awareness More difficult to talk about sex than to engage in it Under influence of alcohol or drugs

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一則新聞 戀愛時的大腦反應… . 　女想感情　男想性