ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING

EVERY INDIVIDUAL HAS…….

Right to decide how to lead his lifeRight to pursue goals and dreamsRight to a valid opinionRight to say how he/she wants to be treatedRight to say “no”Right to change ones mindRight to privacyRight to ask for help

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR - DEFINITION

“Assertive behavior is behavior which enables a person to act in his own best interest without undue anxiety, to express his honest feelings comfortably or to exercise his own rights without denying the rights of others.”

ASSERTIVENESS IS…..

Expressing thoughts, feelings and opinion.Being direct and honest.Fairness and equality in human interaction.Positive sense of respect for self and others.

You are your first and biggest supporter

WHY TO BE ASSERTIVE?

Assertive behavior opens communication without letting anyone get trampled. Reduces stress in workplace and life. Improved decision making ability. Happier and fulfilled life. Helps to handle difficult friends and co-workers more easily and reduces drama.

NON – ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

Passive Passive Passive individuals are not committed to their ownrights. More likely to allow others to encroach on their rights

than to stand up and speak out.

NON – ASSERTIVE BEHAVIORNON – ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

AggressiveAggressive Very likely to defend their own rights. Work to achieve their own goals. Are likely to disregard the rights of others. Insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over other people's. Tend to blame others for problems instead of offering

solutions. 

COMPARISON

AggressiveAngryYellsStamping

HittingWords hurtOthersMean

AssertiveStanding tallLooking at peopleSmilingAskingSaying noFeels good about self

Passive Shy Scared Talking low Looking at floor afraid Embarrassed Hunched over Quiet

Assertiveness is a response that seeks to maintain an appropriate balance between passivity and aggression.

BEING ASSERTIVE……

Assertive people know exactly

What they want.

What they believe.

How they feel about things.

How they react to things.

BEING ASSERTIVE…..

Assertive listening Understanding all viewpoints Listening for accuracy Reinforce your understanding Example – I heard you say ------, did I understand you correctly..etc.

NON VERBAL ASSERTIVENESS

Our silence communicates a lotPositive body language Eye contact

Direct eye contact – Not staring. BBoth while listening as well as talking

PostureYour posture and carriage communicate

messages about your confidence

NON VERBAL ASSERTIVENESS

Facial expressionsFace tells the type of emotions we feelFacial expressions should be as natural as possible

Tone of voiceControlling loudness and speedMake your statements sound

BEING ASSERTIVE - THE ART OF SAYING NO

One of the ways of defining assertivenessAre there only two states – Nice or Nasty?Obligation/PressureRefusals should be honest

ART OF SAYING NO….

It is okay to say:

No, I won’t do that.No, this is my lunch money. I will not give it

to you.I already have plans for Saturday. I cannot

play that day.

EXAMPLE

You are doing a group project and not all the group members are doing their part on it.

You are carrying the load. What is your goal? What can you do? What else?

Decide what the goal is in the situation. Is refusing the way to go?

Think of what you will say to refuse.

Practice it and then review what you did

EXAMPLE

PRACTICING ASSERTIVENESS

Know what you want, it’s also important to know what you are willing to accept.

Stand your ground without offending othersControlling emotionsEffective problem resolutions are a result of

compromise

ASSERTIVENESS – THE CYCLE

PRACTICING ASSERTIVENESS

OwnershipStaying calmUse of “I” language and avoiding “you

Language”Appropriate body languageUsing factsAsking for feedback

COMMON PHRASES SHOWING ASSERTIVENESS

'd like to hear your views on....I'd like to understand your views on....Could you tell me about them?I'm confused about your stand on....Would you tell me more about how you see

the situation?I think we are approaching this from two

different perspectives.What does the situation look like from your

perspective? I 'd like to hear your thoughts on

Identification of Assertive,

Passive and Aggressive behavior.

Situation #1: . You are watching TV when your elder brother comes in and switches to another channel without asking.

What do you say or do?

1)You leap up, yell abuse at your brother and change the channel back.

2)You say or do nothing.3)You tell your brother that you are

watching a programme that you really want to see and find out how important the other programme is to your brother.

Situation #2: A good friend has just gone through an emotionally wrenching breakup and needs some emotional support. You are exhausted from the day's work. The phone rings.

1) Pick up and tell her she really needs to get over it. Even though it hasn't been very long since the breakup, you just don't have the energy to deal with this, and she needs some tough love to snap her out of it.

2) Pick up and talk to her until she feels better, even if it takes hours.

3) Pick up and tell her that you're tired, so you can only talk for about 10 minutes tonight, but want to hear how she's feeling.

Situation #3: You have a friend who is

consistently 15 to 20 minutes late when meeting you. Eventually, you:

1)Tell them that you value their friendship a lot, but are becoming increasingly frustrated with their lack of timelines. If it doesn't change, you see less of them.

2)Just learn to deal with it by bringing a book to read or talking on your cell phone while you wait. It's not worth the trouble of bringing it up and risking a big conflict.

3) Finally blow up at them one day, and then stop making dates with this friend.

Situation #4:  You are at the dinner table and

someone starts smoking, which offends you.

1)  Hey, that smoke is terrible!

2)  You suffer the smoke in silence.

3)  I would appreciate it if you wouldn't

smoke here.

Situation #5: Someone at work is making

inappropriate jokes at your expense. You:

1)Tell them you don't appreciate the jokes, and start making more neutral jokes yourself to set a different tone. If the jokes don't stop, you may report them to Human Resources.

2) Make inappropriate jokes at their expense.

3) Say nothing. You don't want to make things worse.

Situation #1: 1-Aggressive, 2-Passive, 3-Assertive 

Situation #2: 1-Aggressive, 2-Passive, 3-Assertive   

Situation #3: 1-Assertive,2-Passive, 3 -Aggressive   

Situation #4: 1-Aggressive, 2-Passive,3 -Assertive 

Situation #5: 1-Assertive, 2-Aggressive,3- Passive  

Example for role play

You’re waiting in a shop to be served and someone pushes in front of you.

What do you say or do?

Did the person in the queue stand in an assertive way, i.e. upright, relaxed ?

If not, did they tend to be too casual or tense?

Was eye contact appropriate?

Did they tend to look at the floor, or their hands rather than at the other person?

Was the tone of voice appropriate?

Your boss asks you to do overtime. You’ve already made plans for the evening. Your boss tries to insist that only you can do the job.

What do you say or do?

What did you like about the way she/he talked to his/her boss?

What didn’t you like in his/her behavior.Do you think his/her behavior was

justified?

1. You have a right to stand up for yourself and others.

True False2. Saying something

you know will hurt someone's feelings is just being assertive.

True False3. Demanding things

and bullying others is another way of being assertive.

True False

4. Which of the following determines if you are assertive?

How attractive you are.How much money you have.Your communication skills.How many people are on your side.

5. Which of the following is an example of assertive behavior?

Being loud and controlling the conversation.Agreeing with everything or being afraid to speak. Judging others and refusing to speak.Speaking openly and valuing both your and others'

opinions.

6. It is better not to take up for yourself so people won't think you are aggressive.

TrueFalse

7. Assertive people are usually conceited and overconfident.

TrueFalse

8. Which of the following physical behaviors would indicate to others that you are assertive?

Slamming doors and making a lot of noise.

Standing in a corner and avoiding people.Making eye contact with others and

looking relaxed and open.Crossing your arms and glaring at others.

1. You have a right to stand up for yourself and others.

Answer: True.

Everyone has a right to stand up for his or her beliefs. That is the definition of being assertive.

2. Saying something you know will hurt someone's feelings is just being assertive.

Answer: False. Saying something you know will hurt others is

just being mean. It's important to speak up for yourself, but you can do that without hurting those around you. If you know what you are about to say may hurt someone, but you still feel you need to say it, consider phrasing your statement as kindly as possible. For example, say something complimentary or pleasant at the same time, or acknowledge it's a difficult topic and handle it discreetly.

3. Demanding things and bullying others is another way of being assertive.

Answer: False.

Demanding and bullying is being aggressive, not assertive. You can stand up for your thoughts and beliefs without forcing them on others.

4.Which of the following determines if you are assertive?Answer: Looking attractive, having money, or having people back you up may help some people be assertive, but you don't need these qualities to be assertive. In fact, a true test of assertiveness is if you are willing to take a stand even if you know others might not agree with you or be awed by your looks or money.

5. Which of the following is an example of assertive behavior?

Answer: Assertive behavior is speaking one's mind but doing so without talking over others or ignoring others' opinions and feelings.

Let’s go watch a movie. I want to borrow your new bike.Please give me your notes, I haven't

studied anything for tomorrow’s test.A boy or girl asks to crowd in front of you

in the movie -ticket line. You don’t want to let him/her crowd in.

Your colleague tries to offload some of his work onto you when clearly you do not have the time for it.

6. It is better not to take up for yourself so people won't think you are aggressive.

Answer: False. You can speak up for yourself and be assertive without being aggressive. Remember, being assertive doesn't mean being impolite. As long as you respect that other people have different feelings and opinions, people will respect you when you speak.

7. Assertive people are usually conceited and overconfident.

Answer: False. If someone comes across as conceited or overconfident, it is probably because they are being inconsiderate to others. That is not the same as being assertive. Being assertive is walking the fine line between valuing your own opinion as well as others.

8. Which of the following physical behaviors would indicate to others that you are assertive? Answer: Looking as though you are interested in a conversation and open for discussion is one way to show you are assertive. Avoiding people or intimidating them is a sign that you are too passive or aggressive.

The classroom is noisy and you cannot study your lesson. What is your goal? What can you do? What else?

You want a laptop to help you with your coursework . You do not think your parents will buy them and you do not have enough money.

You are doing a group project and not all the group members are doing their part on it. You are carrying the load. What is your goal? What can you do? What else?

ASSERTIVENESS - KNOWING BOUNDARIES

Boundaries - Distinguish one person from other physically, emotionally and intellectually

Healthy boundaries – Neither shutting people out nor allowing to take advantage of you

Assertiveness strengthens healthy boundaries

“Love others as you love yourself”