Post on 04-Jun-2018
ElizabethLowell
Forget MeNot
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A free mini e-book excerpt from
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page ii
for my sisterSusan Mills
port in many storms
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51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iv
Table of Contents
1 When the phone rang Alana was almostrelieved
2 Taking a ragged breath Alana forced herself to look at the dawn
3 Rafe took Alanarsquos arm supporting her Only then did she realize
4 It was dark by the time Rafe turned ontothe fork of the road that led to the
5 Rafe shook his head and said somethingharsh under his breath as Bob vanished
6 Bob and Stan were sitting in the living room talking about storms and
7 The first half of the eight-hour ride to thefishing cabins on the Winter ranch
8 For the rest of the trip Rafe and Alana rode side by side when the trail
9 Alana opened the cast-iron stove door using a pot holder that had been
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page v
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
ElizabethLowell
Forget MeNot
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page i
A free mini e-book excerpt from
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page ii
for my sisterSusan Mills
port in many storms
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iii
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iv
Table of Contents
1 When the phone rang Alana was almostrelieved
2 Taking a ragged breath Alana forced herself to look at the dawn
3 Rafe took Alanarsquos arm supporting her Only then did she realize
4 It was dark by the time Rafe turned ontothe fork of the road that led to the
5 Rafe shook his head and said somethingharsh under his breath as Bob vanished
6 Bob and Stan were sitting in the living room talking about storms and
7 The first half of the eight-hour ride to thefishing cabins on the Winter ranch
8 For the rest of the trip Rafe and Alana rode side by side when the trail
9 Alana opened the cast-iron stove door using a pot holder that had been
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page v
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page ii
for my sisterSusan Mills
port in many storms
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iii
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iv
Table of Contents
1 When the phone rang Alana was almostrelieved
2 Taking a ragged breath Alana forced herself to look at the dawn
3 Rafe took Alanarsquos arm supporting her Only then did she realize
4 It was dark by the time Rafe turned ontothe fork of the road that led to the
5 Rafe shook his head and said somethingharsh under his breath as Bob vanished
6 Bob and Stan were sitting in the living room talking about storms and
7 The first half of the eight-hour ride to thefishing cabins on the Winter ranch
8 For the rest of the trip Rafe and Alana rode side by side when the trail
9 Alana opened the cast-iron stove door using a pot holder that had been
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page v
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
for my sisterSusan Mills
port in many storms
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iii
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iv
Table of Contents
1 When the phone rang Alana was almostrelieved
2 Taking a ragged breath Alana forced herself to look at the dawn
3 Rafe took Alanarsquos arm supporting her Only then did she realize
4 It was dark by the time Rafe turned ontothe fork of the road that led to the
5 Rafe shook his head and said somethingharsh under his breath as Bob vanished
6 Bob and Stan were sitting in the living room talking about storms and
7 The first half of the eight-hour ride to thefishing cabins on the Winter ranch
8 For the rest of the trip Rafe and Alana rode side by side when the trail
9 Alana opened the cast-iron stove door using a pot holder that had been
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page v
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page iv
Table of Contents
1 When the phone rang Alana was almostrelieved
2 Taking a ragged breath Alana forced herself to look at the dawn
3 Rafe took Alanarsquos arm supporting her Only then did she realize
4 It was dark by the time Rafe turned ontothe fork of the road that led to the
5 Rafe shook his head and said somethingharsh under his breath as Bob vanished
6 Bob and Stan were sitting in the living room talking about storms and
7 The first half of the eight-hour ride to thefishing cabins on the Winter ranch
8 For the rest of the trip Rafe and Alana rode side by side when the trail
9 Alana opened the cast-iron stove door using a pot holder that had been
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page v
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
Table of Contents
1 When the phone rang Alana was almostrelieved
2 Taking a ragged breath Alana forced herself to look at the dawn
3 Rafe took Alanarsquos arm supporting her Only then did she realize
4 It was dark by the time Rafe turned ontothe fork of the road that led to the
5 Rafe shook his head and said somethingharsh under his breath as Bob vanished
6 Bob and Stan were sitting in the living room talking about storms and
7 The first half of the eight-hour ride to thefishing cabins on the Winter ranch
8 For the rest of the trip Rafe and Alana rode side by side when the trail
9 Alana opened the cast-iron stove door using a pot holder that had been
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page v
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
10 When Alana woke up the sun was on theother side of noon
11 Even as Alana tried to wrench free of hisembrace Rafe realized what had
12 For a long time there was only silence and the rushing sound of the distant
13 Alana pulled the bubbling spicy apple pie out of the oven using oversize
14 Alana didnrsquot hear the clatter of plates asRafe put them on the table and
15 Wind flexed and flowed around the lodge bringing with it the sound
16 Alana felt the tremor that went through Rafe at her words
17 For a long time Alana stood in the cabindoorway staring into moonlight
18 Alana walked along the trail grateful forthe trees screening her from the lake
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vi
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
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This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
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First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
19 Alana stood by the hearth in the small cabin wearing only Rafersquos warm robe
Only Love Excerpt
About the Author
About the Publisher
Front Cover Image
Copyright
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page vii
Also by Elizabeth Lowell
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page viii
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
1
WHEN THE PHONE rang Alanawas almost relieved Though it was before dawnshe was wide awake Since she had come backfrom Broken Mountain she had slept very littleand never peacefully
Kicking aside the tangled sheets Alanaturned toward the phone It was too early foranyone she knew on the West Coast to be up andabout That meant it was probably her brother inWyoming calling to see how she was
Calling to see if she remembered what hadhappened on Broken Mountain
ldquoHellordquo Alana said keeping her voice steadywith an effort
ldquoSis Is that yourdquoldquoHi Bob Howrsquos MerryrdquoldquoCounting the weeks until Februaryrdquo said
Bob laughing ldquoIf she gets much bigger wersquollhave to put her in a stall with the brood maresrdquo
Alana smiled at the thought of petite blondMerry tucked into one of the heated stalls Bobkept for his prize mares
ldquoBetter not let Merry hear you say thatrdquo1
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 1
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
2 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana warnedldquoHell it was her ideardquo Bob paused then said
ldquoSisrdquoAlanarsquos hand tightened on the phone She had
heard that tone before little brother to big sistera smile and affectionate wheedling
He wanted something from herldquoWhen are you coming homerdquo Bob asked
bluntlyAlanarsquos heart began to beat too fast She did-
nrsquot know how to tell her brother that she wasfrightened by the thought of returning to theranch where Broken Mountain rose steeplymantled in ice and darkness
Before her last trip to Broken MountainAlana had loved the ranch the mountains thesilence the heights and the clouds swirlingoverhead She had loved the memories of RafaelWintermdashRafe reflected in every lake every fra-grant forest sunsets and sunrises sweepingacross the land like fire the windrsquos keening har-monies echoing the music Rafe had made on hisharmonica
Alana had come to love the land even morebecause she and Rafe had been part of it loverssuspended between sky and mountains morebeautiful than either timeless burning with thesun
But now those mountains terrified Alana Now the memories of Rafe were a brittle cut-
ting armor that she pulled around her like thecolors of dawn hoping to drive away the horrorand darkness that crawled up out of the abyss ofthose six missing days
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 2
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 3
ldquoI donrsquotmdashrdquo Alana beganHer brother interrupted before she could
refuseldquoIrsquove already talked to your agentrdquo Bob said
cheerfully ldquoHe told me yoursquove refused to acceptany concerts and wonrsquot even look at the songs hesends to yourdquo
ldquoYes butmdashrdquoBob kept talkingldquoSo donrsquot tell me how busy you arerdquo he said
ldquoIf yoursquore writing songs again you can writethem just as well here Better You always didyour best work hererdquo
With a conscious effort Alana loosened hergrip on the phone She had no more excuses soshe said nothing
ldquoSis I need you hererdquoldquoBob I donrsquot thinkmdashrdquo Alana beganThen her voice brokeldquoDonrsquot say nordquo Bob said urgently ldquoYou donrsquot
even know what I want yetrdquoAnd you donrsquot know what I want Alana
thought rebelliously Yoursquove never even asked ifI want something
The words went no further than Alanarsquosthoughts a silent cry of need Yet even as the cryechoed in her mind she recognized its unfair-ness
What she needed Bob couldnrsquot provide Sheneeded warmth and reassurance safety and amanrsquos hard strength standing between her andthe abyss protecting her until she knew whathad happened and could protect herself oncemore
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 3
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
4 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
She needed love waiting instead of terror Sheneeded a dream to banish a nightmare
She needed Rafael WinterBut Rafe was just a dream The nightmare
was realWith a deep breath Alana gathered herself
and set about living in her new world just as shealways had lived Alone depending only on her-self
She had done this many times before thedeep breath and the determination to do the bestshe could with what she had no matter how lit-tle that seemed to be when the nightmaredescended like a storm
ldquoWhat do you wantrdquo Alana asked softlyldquoYou know cash has always been a problem
with the ranchrdquo Bob said quickly ldquoLand pooras they say Well Merry and I had this idea for aclassymdashand I mean classymdashdude operationHigh-country fishing safaris for people who canpay high pricesrdquo
Alana made a neutral soundldquoWe had it all planned all lined up all our
ducks in a rowrdquo Bob said ldquoOur first two cus-tomers are very exclusive travel agents Theirclientele list reads like Whorsquos Who Everythingwas going great for us and then rdquo
ldquoAnd thenrdquo Alana promptedldquoMerry got pregnantrdquo Bob said simply ldquoI
mean wersquore both happy wersquove been trying fortwo years but rdquo
ldquoBut whatrdquoldquoDr Gene says Merry canrsquot go on the pack
triprdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 4
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 5
ldquoIs that a problemrdquoldquoHell yes She was going to be our cook and
entertainer and general soother take the roughedges off You know what I mean sisrdquo
ldquoYes I knowrdquoIt was the same role Alana had played in the
family since she was thirteen and her motherdied leaving behind three boys a devastatedhusband and a daughter who had to grow upvery quickly That was when Alana had learnedabout reaching down into herself for the smileand the touch and the comfort that the peoplearound her needed She had rebuilt the shatteredfamily as best she could for she too needed thehaven and the laughter and the warmth
ldquoIt will really be more like time off than ajobrdquo coaxed Bob
Alana heard the coaxing but it didnrsquot moveher nearly as much as the disturbing thread ofurgency beneath the soft tone
ldquoRiding and fishing and hiking in the highcountry just like we used to do Yoursquoll love itsis I just know it A real vacation for yourdquo
Alana throttled the harsh laugh that wasclawing at her throat
Vacation she thought shuddering In themountains that nearly killed me In the moun-tains that still come to me in nightmares
Oh God thatrsquos some vacation my little broth-er has planned for me
ldquoSisrdquo Bob coaxed ldquoI wouldnrsquot ask if I didnrsquotreally need you I donrsquot have anywhere else toturn The pack trip is all set and the two dudesare here Pleaserdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 5
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
6 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Unexpectedly a vivid memory of Rafe cameto Alana Late summer a narrow trail goingup Broken Mountain a lame horse and a saddlethat weighed nearly as much as she did She hadbeen leading the horse dragging the saddle andwatching the silent violence of clouds billowingtoward a storm At fifteen she knew the dangersof being caught on an exposed ridge in a high-country cloudburst
Without warning lightning had come downso close to her that she smelled the stink ofscorched rock Thunder came like the end of theworld Her horse had screamed and reared tear-ing the reins from her hand Then the horsersquoslameness had been overridden by terror Theanimal had bolted down the mountainside leav-ing her alone
She too had been terrified her nostrils filledwith the smell of lightning and her ears deafenedby thunder Then she had heard someone callingher name
Rafe had come to her across the talus sloperiding his plunging scrambling horse with thestrength and grace she had always admired Hehad lifted her into the saddle in front of him andspurred his horse back down the slope whilelightning arced around the mountain
Sheltered in a thick growth of spruce she hadwaited out the storm with Rafe wearing hisjacket and watching him with the eyes of achild-woman who was more woman and lesschild with every breath
On Broken Mountain Alana had found firstfear then love and finally horror
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 6
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 7
She wondered if there was another balance tobe discovered on Broken Mountain oppositesjoined in harmony freeing her from nightmare
The possibility shimmered through Alanalike dawn through night transforming every-thing
ldquoSis Say somethingrdquoAlana was appalled to hear herself take a
deep breath and say calmly ldquoOf course Irsquoll helpyourdquo
She didnrsquot hear Bobrsquos whoop of victory hisassurances that he wouldnrsquot tell any of the dudesthat she was the famous singer Jilly his grati-tude that she was helping him out She didnrsquothear anything but the echoes of her own terrify-ing decision to go back to Broken Mountain
As though Bob sensed how fragile Alanarsquosagreement was he began speaking quickly
ldquoIrsquove got you booked on the afternoon flightto Salt Lake From there yoursquore booked on a lit-tle feeder flight into the airport here Got a pen-cilrdquo
Bemused Alana stared at the phone The sim-ple fact that Bob had thought to take care of thedetails of her transportation was so unusual as tobe overwhelming It wasnrsquot that Bob wasthoughtless he was very considerate of Merryto the point that he was almost too protective
Alana however had always been taken forgranted in the manner that parents and older sib-lings often are
ldquoSisrdquo Bob said patiently ldquodo you have a pen-cil Hersquoll skin me if I louse this uprdquo
ldquoHerdquo asked Alana as she went through the
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 7
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
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United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
8 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
drawer in her bedside table looking for a pencilldquoWho will skin you aliverdquo
There was a static-filled silence Then Boblaughed abruptly
ldquoThe travel agent who made the arrange-mentsrdquo he said ldquoWho else Readyrdquo
ldquoHold your horsesrdquo Alana mutteredShe found a pencil grabbed a credit card
receipt turned it over and wrote down the flightnumbers and times
ldquoBut thatrsquos todayrdquo she protestedldquoTold you we needed yourdquoldquoThatrsquos not much warning little brotherrdquoldquoThatrsquos the whole ideardquo Bob mutteredldquoWhatrdquoldquoNothing Just be sure yoursquore on that plane or
my butt is potato saladrdquoldquoBobrdquo Alana beganldquoThanks sisrdquo he said quickly talking over
her ldquoYou wonrsquot regret it If anyone can pull itoff he canrdquo
ldquoHuhrdquoAlana felt as though she was missing half the
conversation and the most important half atthat
ldquoHe whordquo she askedldquoDamnrdquo Bob said beneath his breathldquoThe travel agentrdquo Alana guessedldquoYeah the travel agent Hersquos something elserdquo
said Bob dryly ldquoSee you tonight sis rsquoByerdquoBefore Alana could say good-bye the line
was deadShe stood and stared at the receiver clenched
in her hand Silently she asked herself why she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 8
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 9
had agreed to do something that terrified herShe was a fool to let warm memories of Rafe
Winter lure her back to the icy source of night-mare She didnrsquot even know if Rafe was inWyoming In the past Rafersquos job had taken himall over the world His time at the Winter ranchhad been limited to a few weeks now and then
It had been enough though Alana hadlearned to love Rafe and to accept his absencesShe had learned to live for the day when hewould come home and marry her and she wouldnever cry for him at night again
And then Rafe had diedOr so the Pentagon had saidThe phone began to make whooping noises
telling Alana that the receiver had been off thehook too long She hung up and stared at thephone
It was deep red like the flowers in theSpanish tile that covered the kitchen countersRed like the wildflowers that grew high on themountain slopes
Red Like bloodldquoDid I see Jack die on Broken Mountainrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoIs that what my mind refusesto rememberrdquo
With a shudder she jerked away from thebright red telephone
Rubbing her arms to chase away the chill thathad been with her since Broken Mountain Alanawalked quickly to the closet She pulled on jeansand an old cotton blouse From habit she buttonedthe blouse completely concealing the delicate goldchain that Rafe had given her years before
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 9
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
10 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
As always Alanarsquos fingertip lingered on thetiny symbol of infinity that was part of thechain
Love ever after love without endA beautiful dreamReality was six days missing from her life
and a nightmare whose end she was still tryingto find
Slowly Alana walked into the kitchen Withhands that wanted to tremble she plugged in thecoffeepot scrambled two eggs and buttered apiece of toast She forced herself to eat anddrink to clean up after herself to do all thethings normal people did
An untidy stack of papers on the kitchencounter caught Alanarsquos eye Unhappily shelooked at them She should read the song sheetsher agent had sent over New songs Solo mate-rial for the sole survivor of the Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly duo
Alana should read the music but she would-nrsquot for she no longer could sing
That was the most bitter loss the mostunbearable pain Before Broken Mountain shehad been able to draw songs around her like col-ors of love chasing away the gray of lonelinessand the black of despair
Alana had taken her love for a man shebelieved was dead and transformed that love intosong Singing had been her greatest pleasureher reason for living after she was told that Rafewas dead
Jack Reeves hadnrsquot loved her but she hadalways known that Nor had Alana loved himTheirs had been a business marriage pure and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 10
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 11
simple Jack loved fame and Jilly loved singingNow Jack was dead and Jilly could sing only
in her dreams And in her dreams it was Rafersquosharmonica that accompanied her not Jackrsquosflawless tenor
Awake she had no music in herIt wasnrsquot stage fright Even now Alana was-
nrsquot afraid of being in front of people Nor wasshe afraid of the savage doggerel that would berunning through the fansrsquo minds as they watchedher
Jack lsquonrsquo JillyWent up the hillyTo fetch a pail of vodkaJack fell downAnd broke his crownAnd Jilly lost her mind
Alana had listened to it all before read it inprint a hundred times heard it whispered Shecould face that
But she couldnrsquot face opening her lips andfeeling her throat close with terrible finality asthough there were no more songs in her now andnever would be again Nothing but screams andthe silence of death
Uneasily Alana looked around barely recog-nizing her surroundings Even though she hadlived in the Oregon apartment for three weeksthe place was neither comfortable nor familiar toher It certainly wasnrsquot as real to her as the night-mare about Broken Mountain
But then nothing was
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 11
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
12 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Abruptly Alana walked toward the wall ofglass that opened onto a small patio She stoodnear the glass trying to shake off the residue ofnightmare and death fear and mistakes andmost of all a past that was beyond her ability tochange
Or even to understandldquoIrsquoll remember what happened somedayrdquo
Alana whispered ldquoWonrsquot Irdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 12
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
2
TAKING A RAGGED breath Alanaforced herself to look at the dawn that was etch-ing the room in shades of rose and vermiliongold and translucent pink The September sunrsquosradiant warmth was like a miracle after the end-less hours of night
Alana found herself staring at her reflectionin the glass as she often had since BrokenMountain searching for some outer sign of thesix-day gap in her memory Nothing showed onthe outside She looked the same as she hadbefore she had gone up the mountain with theworst mistake of her lifemdashher singing partnerJack Reeves
The singing hadnrsquot been the mistake Themarriage of convenience had He had alwayspushed for more She had always wished forless He had wanted a reconciliation She hadwanted only an end to a marriage that nevershould have begun So they had gone up BrokenMountain together
Only one of them had come backNo visible marks of the ordeal in the moun-
13
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 13
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
14 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
tains remained on Alanarsquos five-foot five-inchbody Her ankle had healed It ached only whenit was cold The bruises and welts and cuts weregone leaving no scars She no longer had to dietto fit into the slender image demanded by thepublic Since Broken Mountain her appetite wasgone
But it wasnrsquot something that showedAlana leaned forward staring intently at her
nearly transparent reflection in the sliding glassdoor Everything still looked the same Longlegs strong from a childhood spent hiking andriding in Wyomingrsquos high country Breasts andwaist and hips that were neither large nor smallHer skin was a golden brown Nothing unusualNothing at all
ldquoSurely something must show on the out-siderdquo Alana told her reflection ldquoI canrsquot just losemy singing partner and six days of my life andwonder about my sanity and not have any of itshowrdquo
Yet nothing didThough Alanarsquos eyes were too dark too large
too haunted her mouth still looked as though itwas curved around a secret inner smile Her hairwas still black and glossy divided into two thickbraids that fell to her waist
Alana stared at her braids for a long momentrealizing for the first time that something aboutthem made her uneasy
She had never particularly liked having longhair but she had accepted it as she had acceptedthe nickname Jilly both necessary parts of thechildlike image that audiences loved to love The
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 14
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 15
image went with her voice clear and innocentas supple and pure as a mountain stream
Water rushing down cold and darknesswaiting lined with rocks ice and darkness clos-ing around clouds seething overhead lightninglancing down soundless thunder
FearIt was too cold no warmth anywhere only
fear hammering on her leaving her weakShe tried to run but her feet weighed as much
as the mountains and were as deeply rooted inthe earth Each step took an eternity Try hardermove faster or get caught
She must runBut she could notShe was broken and bleeding screaming
down the night running stumbling sprawlingand then lifted high she was falling she spunand screamed falling
Alanarsquos heart beat wildly responding to thefragment of nightmare turning in her mind
ldquoStop itrdquo she told herself fiercely seeing thereflection of her terror in dawn-tinted glass andsliding black shadows
She took several deep breaths bringing her-self under control telling herself that she had tostop treating her nightmare as though it was realIt wasnrsquot
The nightmare was simply a creation of hermind as it dealt with the horror of Jackrsquos death ina mountain storm and her own near death fromexposure and the fall that had left her bruised
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 15
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
16 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and beatenThat was what Dr Gene had told Alana and
she had trusted his gravelly voice and gentlesmile for as long as she could remember He hadsaid that her amnesia while unusual was notpathological It was a survival reflex When hermind felt she was strong enough to rememberthe details of her husbandrsquos death and her ownsuffering as she clawed her way down BrokenMountain then she would remember
And if she never rememberedThat too was all right he had assured her
Alana was young She was healthy She could goout and make a new life for herself
Alanarsquos lips twisted bitterly as she remem-bered the conversation It had been easy for DrGene to say He wasnrsquot the one whose mind wasturning six missing days into endless night-mares
It wasnrsquot that Alana missed her dead husbandShe and Jack had been two very separate peoplebound together by the accident of perfect har-mony That was enough for a successful singingcareer It wasnrsquot enough for a successful mar-riage
Yet sometimes Alana couldnrsquot help feelingthat maybe just maybe if she had done some-thing different Jack might have been differentIf she had tried harder or not so hard If she hadbeen weaker or not quite as strong If she hadcared for Jack more or pitied him less
Maybe it could have worked for the two ofthem
But even as the thought came Alana knew it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 16
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 17
was a lie The only way she might have lovedJack was if she had never met Rafe Winter neverloved and lost him Rafe with his laughter andhis passion and his gentle knowing hands
She had loved Rafe since she was fifteen hadbeen engaged to him when she was nineteenAnd they had become lovers when she wastwenty
Rafael dark hair and amber eyes glowingwatching her change as he touched her Her fin-gers had looked so slender against the maleplanes of his face the sliding sinew and muscleof his arms His strength always surprised her asdid his quickness but she had never been afraidwith him Rafe could hold her could surroundher softness with his power and she felt no fearonly a consuming need to be closer still to beheld tighter to give herself to him and to takehim in return
With Rafe there had only been beautyThen four years ago the Pentagon had told
Alana that Rafael Winter had died They hadtold her nothing more than that Not where herfianceacute had died Not how Certainly not whyJust the simple fact of his death
It was a fact that had destroyed Alana Neveragain would the lyric beauty of Rafersquos harmoni-ca call to her across the western night Neveragain would her voice blend with that of the sil-ver instrument that sang so superbly in Rafersquoshands She had sung with Rafe for pleasure andhad known no greater beauty except makinglove with him bodies and minds sharing an ele-mental harmony that surpassed everything even
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 17
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
18 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
songAlana had been empty after Rafersquos death She
had cared for nothing Even life When the min-utes and hours without Rafe had piled up one byone dragging her down into darkness she hadturned instinctively to a singing career as heronly salvation her only way to hold on to thelove she had lost
Singing meant Jack Reeves the man she hadsung with in all the little cafeacutes and fairs androadhouses the man for whom singing was abusiness rather than a pleasure Jack had meas-ured Alanarsquos vulnerability her desperation andthen he had calmly told her that there would beno more duets unless she married him and leftthe high plains for the high life in the city
Alana had resisted marriage wanting no manbut the one who was dead
Then the hours without Rafe had heaped intothe hundreds a thousand fifteen hundred and she had agreed to become Jackrsquos wifebecause she must do something or go insaneRafe was dead There was nothing left but thesinging career that Jack had badgered Alana foreven while Rafe was alive
So Alana had left the high plains and moun-tains of Wyoming hoping that in another part ofthe world she wouldnrsquot hear Rafe in every sum-mer silence sense him in every moonrise feelhis heat in the warmth of the sun
She had married Jack but it was a marriagein name only With Jack Reeves there had beennothing but an emptiness Alana had tried to fillwith songs
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 18
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 19
Then a year ago she had been told thatRafael Winter was alive
Rafe wasnrsquot the one who told her Rafe hadnever called her never written never in any waycontacted the woman he once had said he loved
Now it was Jack who was dead killed fourweeks ago by the wild country he had despisedAlana had been with Jack on Broken Mountainwhen he died She didnrsquot remember it Those sixdays were a blank wall
Behind that wall fear seethed and rippledtrying to break free
Alana closed her eyes unable to face theirdark reflection in the glass door Rafe was deadand then not dead Jack was dead now and for-ever
Her love for Rafe undyingWith a small sound Alana closed her eyes
shutting out her reflectionldquoEnough of thatrdquo she told herself sharply
ldquoStop living in the past Stop tearing yourself upover things you canrsquot changerdquo
She opened her eyes confronting herself inyet another reflection another window dawnhadnrsquot yet made transparent She looked like amountain deer caught in the instant of stillnessthat precedes wild flight Long brown limbs andbrown eyes that were very dark very wide wild
A black braid slid over Alanarsquos shoulder andswung against the glass as she leaned forwardShe brought the other braid forward over hershoulder too It was a gesture that had becomeautomatic when her braids hung down her backshe pulled them forward
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 19
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
20 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
That way if she had to run suddenly thebraids wouldnrsquot fly out behind her twin blackropes perfect handles for something to grab andhold her and lift her up trapped weightlessfalling she was fallingmdash
Alana choked off the scream clawing at herthroat as she retreated to the kitchen Her reflec-tion looked back at her from the window overthe kitchen sink
Without looking away from her reflectionAlana groped in a nearby drawer Her fingersclosed around the handle of a long carvingknife The honed blade glittered as she pulled itout of the drawer
She lifted the knife until the blunt side of theblade rested against her neck just below herchin Calmly deliberately she began slicingthrough her left braid The severed hair fellsoundlessly to the floor With no hesitation shewent to work on the right braid
When Alana was finished she shook herhead making her hair fly The loose naturalcurls that had been imprisoned beneath theweight of the braids were suddenly set freeWisps of hair curved around her face framing itin soft shiny black Her brown eyes gloweddarkly haunted by dreams
Abruptly Alana realized what she had doneShe stared at the long black braids on the floorthe steel knife in her hand the reflection in thewindow that no longer looked like Jilly
The knife dropped to the floor with a metal-lic clatter
Alana stared at herself and wondered if she
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 20
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 21
had finally gone crazyShe ran from the kitchen to the bedroom
There she pulled her few things out of drawersand off hangers packing haphazardly It didnrsquotmatter Most of her clothes were still in LA orat the ranch left there in anticipation of weeksspent with her brother and Merry
Alana had been too frightened to go back tothe ranch and pack after she had fled from thehospital She had simply run to Portland a cityshe had never lived in hoping to leave the night-mare behind her
It hadnrsquot workedAs Alana packed she kept looking at the bed-
room telephone She wanted to call Bob say thatshe had changed her mind and then hang upbefore he could object
Yet each time she reached for the phone shethought of Rafael Winter a dream to balance hernightmare She used memories of Rafe like a tal-isman to draw the terror from her six missingdays
The greatest pleasure and the greatest horrorin Alanarsquos life had both taken place on BrokenMountain Perhaps they would simply canceleach other leaving her free to go on with herlife Neutral balanced
No memories of the man she had loved or ofthe husband she had not No memories of thelover who had died and then come back or ofthe husband who had died and would nevercome back
Rafe who came to her in dreamsJack who came to her in nightmares
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 21
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
22 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
When Alana finally picked up the phone itwas to call a nearby beauty salon and make anappointment to have her hair styled The utterlynormal activity reassured her
By the time Alana got on the airplane shefelt more calm Tonight she would be home Ifnightmares stalked her it would be down thefamiliar corridors of her childhood home ratherthan the strange hallways of a rented apartment
She held to that thought as she switchedplanes in Salt Lake City and settled in for theflight to Wyoming When the flight attendantoffered her a newspaper she took it automati-cally As she flipped through the pages a head-line in the entertainment section caught her eyeJack lsquonrsquo Jillyrsquos Last Song
Though Alanarsquos stomach tightened just at theheadline she knew she would read the articleShe had read everything written about Jackrsquosdeath even the most sleazy imaginings of theyellow press She would read this article toobecause she could not help herself
It had been a month since Jackrsquos death Amonth since the gap in Alanarsquos memory hadappeared She kept hoping that someone some-where would know more about Jackrsquos deaththan she did that a word or a phrase in an articlewould trigger something in her mind and the sixdays would spill through freeing her from night-mare
Or sending her into a more terrifying oneThere was always that possibility lurking in
the twisting shadows of Alanarsquos mind Dr Genehad suggested that there could be horrors Alana
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 22
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 23
didnrsquot imagine even in her nightmaresAmnesia could be looked at in many ways
Gift of a kind God Survival reflexFountainhead of horror All of them and none ofthem But fear was always there pooled in shad-ows waiting for night
Maybe Dr Gene was right Maybe she wouldbe better off not remembering
Impatiently Alana shoved the unwelcomethought away Nothing could be worse than nottrusting her own mind her own courage herown sanity
Since her mother had died Alana had alwaysbeen the strong one the one who saw what hadto be done and did it Then Rafe had died andAlana had been destroyed
Music was her only solace after Rafe diedWith music she wove glowing dreams ofwarmth of his laughter and of a love that couldonly be sung not spoken
With song Alana had survived even Rafersquosdeath
She could do whatever she had to She hadproved that in the past Somehow she wouldprove it again She would survive
SomehowAlana shook out the paper folded it careful-
ly and began to readThe first part of the story was a review of the
Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly album that had just been releasedThe rest of the article was a simple recital of thefacts of Jackrsquos death
A month ago Jack and Jilly Reeves had goneon a pack trip in the Wyoming backcountry An
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 23
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
24 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
early winter storm had caught them They hadtried to get out but only Jilly had made it Jackhad been killed in a fall Somehow Jilly hadmanaged to hobble down the mountain on abadly wrenched ankle until she had reached afishing cabin and radioed for help
Even so she had nearly died of exposure Theexperience had been so traumatic that she hadno memory of the time she spent crawling downthe mountain
Hysterical amnesia brought on by husbandrsquosaccidental death said the doctor ApparentlySheriff Mitchell had agreed for the autopsy list-ed the cause of Jackrsquos death as a broken necksustained in a fall
AccidentalNothing new Nothing unexpected Nothing
to fill the horrifying gap six days had left inAlanarsquos mind Yet still she reread the articlesearching for the key to her amnesia
She didnrsquot find it She was neither surprisednor disappointed
As the plane slid into its landing patternAlana sat up and nervously ran her fingersthrough her hair Her head felt strange light nolonger anchored by dense black braids The styl-ist had transformed the remnants of her knife-cut hair into a gently curling cap that softenedbut didnrsquot wholly conceal the taut lines ofAlanarsquos face The result was arrestingmdashglossymidnight silk framing an intelligent face thatwas haunted by loss and nightmare
The small commercial plane touched downwith a slight jerk A few eager trout fishermen
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 24
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 25
got off before Alana trading stories of the pastand bets for the first and biggest fish of thefuture
Reluctantly she stood up and walked slowlydown the narrow aisle By the time she descend-ed the metal stair her baggage had already beenunloaded and placed neatly beside the bottomstep She picked up her light suitcase and turnedtoward the small building that was the only signof habitation for miles around
Behind her the aircraft began retreating Itmoved to the head of the runway revved hardand accelerated gathering speed quickly prepar-ing itself for a leap into the brilliant high-plainssky
Alana reached the building as the planersquosengines gave a full-throated cry She set downher bag and turned in time to see the aircraftrsquoswheels lift It climbed steeply a powerful silverbird flying free She listened until the engineswere no more than a fading echo and the planeonly a molten silver dot flying between theragged grandeur of the Wind River and GreenRiver mountain ranges
For a moment Alana closed her eyes Herhead tilted toward the sky catching the surpris-ing warmth of Wyomingrsquos September sun Thewind was rich with scents of earth and sage-brush Not the stunted brittle sagebrush of thesouthwestern desert but the thick lavender-grayhigh-country sage bushes as high as her headhigher slender shapes weaving patterns againstthe empty sky
A clean wind swept down from the granite
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 25
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
26 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
heights carrying sweetness and the promise ofblue-green rivers curling lazily between rockybanks of evergreens standing tall and fragrantagainst the summer moon of coyotes callingfrom the ridge lines in harmonies older thanman
HomeAlana breathed deeply torn between pleasure
and fear She heard footsteps approaching acrossthe cement She spun around her heart beatingheavily Since Broken Mountain she was terri-fied if anything approached her unseen
A man was walking toward Alana The sunwas at his back reducing him to a black silhou-ette
As he walked closer he seemed to condenseinto three dimensions He was about seven inch-es taller than she was He had the easy stride ofsomeone who spent as much time hiking as hedid on horseback His jeans were faded Hisboots showed the scuff marks peculiar to ridingHis shirt was the same pale blue as the sky
Hair that was a thick rich brown showedbeneath the rim of his black Stetson His eyeswere the color of whiskey His lips were a firmcurve beneath a silky bar of mustache
With a small sound Alana closed her eyesHer heart beat wildly but it sent weakness ratherthan strength coursing through her She wasgoing crazy hallucinating
Storm and cold and terror fallingmdashldquoAlanardquo he saidHis voice was gentle deep reaching out to
her like an immaterial caress
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 26
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 27
ldquoRafaelrdquo She breathed raggedly afraid toopen her eyes torn between hope and night-mare ldquoOh Rafe is it really yourdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 27
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
3
RAFE TOOK ALANArsquoS arm sup-porting her Only then did she realize that shehad been swaying as she stood His warmth andstrength went through her like a shock wave Foran instant she sagged against him
Then she realized that she was being touchedheld and she wrenched away Since BrokenMountain she was terrified of being touched
ldquoItrsquos really me Alanardquo said Rafe watchingher intently
ldquoRafaelmdashrdquo Alanarsquos voice broke as emotionsoverwhelmed her
She extended her fingers as though shewould touch him but did not With an effort thatleft her aching she fought down the tangle ofemotions that was closing her throat She wasbeing torn apart by conflicting imperatives
Run to him Run from his male presenceBe held by him Fight not to be held by a
manLove him Feel nothing at all because the
only safety lay in numbnessRemember how it felt to be loved Forget
28
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 28
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 29
forget everything amnesia spreading outwardlike a black balm
ldquoWhy are you hererdquo Alana asked in a raggedvoice
ldquoIrsquove come to take you homerdquoInexplicably the words all but destroyed
AlanaWith a small sound she closed her eyes and
struggled to control herself Coming here hadbeen a mistake She had wanted a dream of loveto balance a nightmare of terror Yet Rafe wasreal not a dream
And so was terrorAlana clung to the shreds of her control won-
dering what had happened during those sixmissing days that had left a black legacy of fearAnd most of all she wondered if the nightmarewould ever end freeing her letting her laughand sing again or if she would simply give upand let the black balm of amnesia claim all ofher mind All of her
Rafe watched Alana his eyes intent When hespoke his voice was casual soothing utterlynormal
ldquoWersquod better get goingrdquo he said ldquoIrsquod like tobeat the thundershower back to the ranchrdquo
He bent to take Alanarsquos suitcase from hernerveless fingers With the easy movements of amountain cat he straightened and walkedtoward a Jeep parked a few hundred feet away
Alana watched her hand resting on the highneck of her burgundy silk blouse She took adeep breath still feeling the warmth of Rafersquoshand on her arm as he had supported her Just
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 29
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
30 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
that Support Help There was nothing to fear inthat
Was thereMotionless her heart beating rapidly her
dark eyes wide Alana watched Rafe turn backtoward her The slanting late-afternoon sunhighlighted the strong bones of his face andmade his amber eyes glow As he turned hisshirt stretched across his shoulders emphasizingthe strength and masculine grace of him Hisjeans fit the muscular outline of his legs like afaded blue shadow moving as he moved
Alana closed her eyes but she could still seeRafe He was burned into her awareness with athoroughness that would have shocked her if shehad any room left for new emotions But shedidnrsquot
She was still caught up in the moment whenhe had turned back to her light brown eyesburning mouth curved in a gentle male smile
That was Rafe Male Totally She had forgot-ten even in her dreams
Rafe hesitated as though he wanted to comeback to Alana to stand close to her again But hedidnrsquot move He simply watched her withwhiskey-colored eyes that were both gentle andintent consuming her softly like a song
ldquoItrsquos all right Alanardquo Rafersquos voice was asgentle as his smile ldquoIrsquove come to take youhomerdquo
The words echoed and reechoed in Alanarsquosmind sending sensations sleeting through herCold and wind and snow fear and screams claw-ing at her throat Pain and terror and then
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 30
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 31
Itrsquos all right wildflower Irsquove come to take youhome
She had heard words like those before andsomething more other words incredible wordsdream and nightmare intertwined
Without knowing it Alana whimpered andswayed visibly caught between hope and terrordream and nightmare
ldquoWhatrdquo Alana demanded breathlessly herheart beating faster her voice urgent ldquoWhat didyou sayrdquo
Rafe watched Alana with a sudden intensitythat was almost tangible
ldquoI said lsquoIrsquove come to take you homersquo rdquoHe waited but Alana simply watched him
with wide very dark eyes His expression shift-ed gentle again
ldquoBob threatened to have my hide for a saddleblanket if I didnrsquot get home before Merry fellasleep Andrdquo added Rafe with a smile ldquosinceshe falls asleep between coffee and dessert wersquodbetter hurryrdquo
Alana watched Rafe with eyes that weredazed and more than a little wild
ldquoThat wasnrsquot what you said beforerdquo Alanarsquosvoice was as tight as the hand clutching herthroat Her eyes were blind unfocused
ldquoBeforerdquo asked Rafe his voice intent hardhis topaz eyes suddenly blazing like gemsldquoBefore what Alanardquo
It was dark so dark black ice around her aglacier grinding her down until she screamedand tried to run but she couldnrsquot run because
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 31
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
32 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
she was frozen and it was so cold
Alana shuddered and swayed her face utterlypale drained of life by the savage nightmare thatcame to her more and more often stalking hereven in the day stealing what little sanity andpeace remained
Instantly Rafe came to her supporting herhis hands warm and strong Even as she turnedtoward his warmth fear exploded in her Shewrenched away with all her strength
Then she realized that it hadnrsquot been neces-sary Rafe hadnrsquot tried to hold her She wasreacting to something that hadnrsquot happened
ldquoImdashrdquo Alana watched Rafe with wild darkeyes ldquoI donrsquotmdashIrsquommdashrdquo
She held out her hands helplessly wonderinghow to explain to Rafe that she was drawn tohim yet terrified of being touched and thatabove all she thought she was losing her mind
ldquoYoursquore tiredrdquo Rafe said easily as thoughAlanarsquos actions were as normal as the slantingafternoon light ldquoIt was a long flight Come onBob and Merry are waiting for you like kidswaiting for Christmas morningrdquo
Rafe turned back to the suitcase picked it upand walked toward the Jeep Before he arrived aman got out of a Blazer and approached Rafe
As Alana walked closer she recognized DrGene He smiled and held out his arms to herShe hesitated fighting against being held evenby the man who had delivered her who hadattended to all of her childhood ills and who hadcried in frustration at her motherrsquos deathbed Dr
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 32
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 33
Gene was as much a member of her family asher father or her brothers
With an effort of will that made her trembleAlana submitted to Dr Genersquos brief hug Overher head the doctor looked a question at Rafewho answered with a tiny negative movement ofhis head
ldquoWell itrsquos good to have you backrdquo said DrGene ldquoNo limp now You look as pretty as evertroutrdquo
ldquoAnd you lie very badlyrdquo said AlanaBut she smiled briefly at hearing the pet
name from her childhood Even so she steppedback from the doctorrsquos hug Her haste wasalmost rude but she couldnrsquot help herself Thatwas the worst part of the nightmare not beingable to help herself
ldquoThe only thing that was ever pretty about mewas my voicerdquo Alana said
ldquoNo painrdquo persisted the doctor ldquoHowrsquos yourappetiterdquo
ldquoNo painrdquo she said evenly ignoring the ques-tion about her appetite ldquoI donrsquot even use theelastic bandage anymorerdquo
And then Alana waited in fear for the doctorto ask her about her memory She didnrsquot want totalk about it in front of Rafe
She didnrsquot want to talk about her memory atall
ldquoYou cut your hairrdquo said Dr GeneAlana raised her hand nervously feeling the
short silky tendrils that were all that remainedof her waist-length braids
ldquoYesrdquo And then because the doctor seemed
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 33
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
34 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
to expect something more she added ldquoToday Icut it todayrdquo
ldquoWhyrdquo asked Dr GeneThe doctorrsquos voice was as gentle as the ques-
tion was bluntldquoI rdquo Alana stopped ldquoI was I wanted
tordquoldquoYes but whyrdquo he askedThe doctorrsquos blue eyes were very pale very
watchful beneath the shock of gray hair andweathered forehead
ldquoThe braids made me uneasyrdquo said AlanaHer voice was tight her eyes vague fright-
enedldquoUneasy Howrdquo asked Dr GeneldquoThey kept tangling in thingsrdquo Alana
made a sudden motion with her hands as thoughshe were warding off something ldquoI rdquo
Her throat closed and she could say nothingmore
ldquoAlanarsquos tiredrdquo Rafe said his voice quiet andvery certain ldquoIrsquom going to take her home NowExcuse us Dr Generdquo
Rafe and Dr Gene exchanged a long lookThen the doctor sighed
ldquoAll rightrdquo Dr Gene said his voice sharpwith frustration ldquoTell Bob Irsquom trying to getsome time off to go fishingrdquo
ldquoGood The Broken Mountain camp alwayshas a cabin for yourdquo
ldquoEven nowrdquoldquoEspecially nowrdquo said Rafe sardonically
ldquoWe may disagree on means but our goal isidenticalrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 34
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 35
Alana looked from one man to the otherldquoGoalrdquo
ldquoJust a little fishing expedition in the highcountryrdquo Rafe said turning to her ldquoThe gooddoctor prefers to drown worms I on the otherhand prefer to devise my own luresrdquo
Dr Gene smiled briefly ldquoBet I catch moretrout than you Winterrdquo
ldquoIrsquom only after one trout A very specialonerdquo
Alana wondered about the currents of emo-tion running between the two men then decidedshe was being overly sensitive Since BrokenMountain she jumped at sighs and shadows andsaw conspiracy and pursuit where there wasnothing behind her but night and silence
Dr Gene turned to Alana ldquoIf you need any-thing trout Irsquoll come runningrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquoldquoI mean it nowrdquo he addedldquoI knowrdquo she said softlyHe nodded got back in his Blazer and drove
off with a backward waveRafe handed Alana into the Jeep truck and
climbed in himself She watched him covertlythe whole time matching memories with reality
The Rafe Alana saw was older much morecontrolled than in her memories When he was-nrsquot smiling his face was hard almost frighteningin its planes and angles Yet he still moved withthe easy strength that had always fascinated herHis voice was still gentle and his hands were beautiful It was an odd way to describe any-thing as strong and quick and callused as a manrsquos
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 35
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
36 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
hands yet she could think of no better wordNot all masculine hands affected Alana like
that Sometimes she saw hands and terror sleet-ed through her
ldquoWersquore lucky todayrdquo said Rafe as he guidedthe Jeep expertly over the rough field thatpassed as the parking lot
ldquoLuckyrdquo said Alana hearing the thin threadof panic in her voice and hating it
ldquoNo rain so far It rained a lot the last fewdaysrdquo
Alana tried to conceal the shudder that wentthrough her at the thought of lightning and thun-der mountains and slippery black ice
ldquoYesrdquo she said in a low voice ldquoIrsquom glad thereisnrsquot a stormrdquo
ldquoYou used to love stormsrdquo said Rafe quietlyAlana went very still remembering one wild
September afternoon when a storm had caughther and Rafe while they were out riding Theyhad arrived at the fishing cabins soaked andbreathless He had peeled her wet jacket off herthen her blouse and his hands had trembledwhen he touched her
Closing her eyes Alana tried to forget Thethought of being touched like that by Rafe madeher weak with desiremdashand all but crazy withfear dream and nightmare tangled together in away she could neither explain nor understand
But if Rafe remembered the September stormwhen he had undressed and caressed Alana untilthere was only fire and the hushed urgency oftheir breathing his memories didnrsquot show in hisface or in his words
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 36
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 37
ldquoWe had a good frost above five thousandfeet last weekrdquo continued Rafe ldquoThe aspenleaves turned Now they look like pieces of sun-light dancing in the windrdquo
He looked quickly at Alana seeing the linesof inner conflict on her face
ldquoYou still like aspen donrsquot yourdquo Rafe askedAlana nodded her head afraid to trust her
voice Mountain aspen with its white bark andquivering silver-backed leaves was her favoritetree In fall aspens turned a yellow as pure as sunlight dancing in the wind
A sideways glance told her that Rafe waswatching her with intent whiskey-colored eyes
ldquoI still like aspenrdquo said AlanaShe tried to keep her voice normal grateful
for the safe topic The present not the past Thepast was more than she could handle The futurewas unthinkable Just one day at a time Onehour A minute She could handle anything oneminute at a time
ldquoEven in winterrdquo Alana added her voice lit-tle more than a whisper ldquowhen the branches areblack and the trunks are like ghosts in the snowrdquo
Rafe accelerated down the narrow two-laneblacktop road He glanced for a moment at themagnificent granite spine of the Wind RiverMountains rising on his left
ldquoBe a while before therersquos real snow in thehigh countryrdquo he said ldquoThe frost put down theinsects though Then it turned warm againTrout ought to be hungry as hell That meansgood fishing for our dudesmdashguestsrdquo he correct-ed immediately smiling to himself ldquoNobody
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 37
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
38 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
likes being called a duderdquoldquoOur dudesrdquo asked Alana slowly watching
Rafe with eyes so brown they were almost blackSunlight slanted through the windshield
intensifying the tan on Rafersquos face and the rich-ness of his dark brown mustache making hiseyes almost gold His teeth showed in a suddengleam of humor but his expression said the jokewas on him He answered her question withanother question
ldquoDidnrsquot Bob mention merdquoldquoNordquo said Alana her voice ragged ldquoYou
were a complete surpriserdquoRafersquos expression changedFor an instant Alana thought she saw pain
but it came and went so quickly that she decid-ed she had been wrong She was being too sen-sitive again Overreacting Yet she still wanted totouch Rafe to erase the instant when she sensedthat she had hurt him and didnrsquot even know how
The thought of touching Rafe didnrsquot frightenAlana Not like being touched did For an instantshe wondered why but all that came to her was nothing Blank
Like those six missing daysldquoLooks like wersquoll have to do it the hard wayrdquo
Rafe said softlyHis voice was an odd mixture of resignation
and some much stronger emotion in his voicesomething close to anger
Before Alana could speak Rafe didldquoBob and I are partnersrdquoldquoPartners in whatrdquo Alana askedldquoThe dudemdashguest ranch The cottages and
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 38
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 39
fishing water are on Lazy W land My land Thehorses and supplies belong to Bob Hersquos thewrangler Irsquom the fishing guide and yoursquore thecook When Dr Gene shows uprdquo added Rafewith a crooked smile ldquohersquoll be the chief wormdunkerrdquo
Stunned Alana could think of nothing to sayShe would be going up Broken Mountain withRafael Winter Dream and nightmare runningtogether pouring over her drowning her infreezing water
She sat without moving letting the sunlightand the landscape blur around her trying togather her fragmenting thoughts
No wonder Bob didnrsquot say anything to meabout Rafael Winter Alana thought unhappily IfIrsquod known that Bob had a partner I might havelet the partner bail Bob out of the mess
Especially if I knew that the partner wasRafael Winter
It was all Alana could do to handle the recentpast amnesia and accident and death Bobshould have known that she couldnrsquot handle apresent that included Rafe
A year ago Bob had told her that Rafe wasstill alive Then Bob had taken her letter toRafersquos ranch Bob had come back with the letterunopened Deceased written across the enve-lopersquos face-written in Rafersquos distinctive hand
Bob had seen Alanarsquos pain and anger thenher despair And now he was asking her to go upBroken Mountain with Rafael Winter to con-front the past love and loss all over again Andthe present nightmare
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 39
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
40 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Alana shuddered and tried to think of nothingat all
ldquoAlanardquo began RafeSomehow she was certain that he was going
to talk about the past about dying but not quiteabout surviving but not wholly about her andJack and an envelope with a ldquodeadrdquo manrsquos hand-writing across its face tearing her apart
She wasnrsquot strong enough for that Not for thepast Not for anything but this minute Now
ldquoBob and Tom Sawyer have a lot in com-monrdquo Alana said quickly her voice as strainedas it was determined ldquoDonrsquot go near either ofthem if a fence needs painting Unless you likepainting fences of courserdquo
Rafe hesitated visibly reluctant to give upwhatever he had wanted to say But Alanarsquos tautpale face and haunted eyes persuaded him
ldquoYesrdquo Rafe said slowly ldquoBob could charmthe needles off a pine treerdquo
Relieved Alana sat back in the seat againldquoThe only thing that ever got even with Bob
was the hen he poured jam on and then dumpedin the middle of eight half-grown houndsrdquoAlana said ldquoThat hen pecked Bobrsquos hands untilshe was too tired to lift her headrdquo
Rafersquos laughter was as rich as the slantingsunlight pouring over the land Alana turnedtoward him involuntarily drawn by his humorand strength by the laugh that had haunted herdreams as thoroughly as the scent of evergreenshaunted the high country
ldquoSo thatrsquos how Bob got those scars on hishandsrdquo Rafe said still chuckling ldquoHe told me it
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 40
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 41
was chicken poxrdquoAlanarsquos lips curved into a full smile the first
in a long time ldquoSo it was after a fashionrdquoShe glanced up at Rafe through her thick
black lashes and caught the amber flash of hiseyes as he looked away from her to the road Foran instant her heart stopped then beat morequickly He had been watching her
She wondered if he was comparing the pastand present as she had And remembering
ldquoHow did Bob talk you into painting hisfencerdquo Alana asked quickly wanting to hearRafe talk his voice deep and smooth and confi-dent like his laughter
ldquoEasy Irsquom a sucker for fishing I spend a lotof my time in the high country chasing troutMight as well make it payrdquo
ldquoLand poorrdquo murmured Alana ldquoRancherrsquoslamentrdquo
ldquoI have it better than Bobrdquo Rafe said shrug-ging ldquoIrsquom not buying out two brothersrdquo
Alana thought of Dave and Sam her otherbrothers Sam worked for a large corporationwith branches around the world Dave was acomputer programmer in Texas Neither brotherhad any intention of coming back to the ranchfor anything other than occasional visits Of thefour Burdette children only she and Bob hadloved the ranching life
Nor had Jack Reeves loved the ranching lifehe had been born into He couldnrsquot leaveWyoming fast enough He had hungered for citystreets and applauding crowds
ldquoJack hated Wyomingrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 41
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
42 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Startled Alana heard the words echoing inthe Jeep and realized she had spoken aloud
ldquoHersquos deadrdquo she addedldquoI knowrdquoAlana stared at RafeldquoHowmdashrdquo she beganThen she realized that of course Rafe knew
Bob must have told him They were partnersBut how much had Bob told Rafe Did he knowabout her amnesia Did he know about thenightmares that lapped over into day triggeredby a word or a smell or the quality of the lightDid he know she was afraid she was goingcrazy
Did Rafe know that she clung to her memo-ries and dreams of him as though they were alifeline able to pull her beyond the reach ofwhatever terror stalked her
As though Rafe sensed Alanarsquos unease headded quietly ldquoIt was good of you to help BobIt canrsquot be easy for you so soon after your husbandrsquos deathrdquo
At the word husband Rafersquos mouth turneddown sourly telling Alana that her marriage wasnot a subject that brought Rafe any pleasure
But then Rafe had never liked Jack Evenbefore Rafe had ldquodiedrdquo Jack had always beenurging Alana to pack up and leave Wyoming tobuild a career where artificial lights drownedout the cascading stars of the western sky
ldquoDid Bob tell you how Jack diedrdquo askedAlana her voice tight her hands clenched in herlap
ldquoNordquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 42
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 43
Rafersquos voice was hard and very certainAlana let out a long breath Apparently Bob
had told Rafe only the bare minimum Jack haddied recently Nothing about the amnesia or thenightmares
She was glad Bob had told Rafe something Itwould explain anything odd she might do Jackwas dead Recently She was a widow
And when she slept she was a frightenedchild
The Jeep jolted off the pavement onto a grav-el road The miles unwound easily silentlythrough a land of gently rolling sagebrush and adistant river that was pale silver against the landNothing moved but the Jeep and jackrabbitsflushed by the sound of the car
There was neither fence nor sign to mark thebeginning of the Broken Mountain Ranch Likemany western ranchers Alanarsquos grandfatherfather and brother had left the range open wher-ever possible They fenced in the best of theirbreeding stock and let the beef cattle rangefreely
Alana searched the land for signs of BrokenMountain steers grazing the high plains
ldquoHas Bob brought the cattle out of the highcountry yetrdquo asked Alana
ldquoMost of them Hersquos leaving them in the mid-dle elevations until late September Later if hecanrdquo
ldquoGoodrdquoThe longer the cattle stayed in the high and
middle elevations the less money Bob wouldhave to spend on winter feed Every year was a
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 43
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
44 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
gamble If a rancher left his cattle too long in thehigh country winter storms could close in lock-ing the cattle into certain starvation But if therancher brought his cattle down too soon thecost of buying hay to carry them through wintercould mean bankruptcy
ldquoGrass looks thickrdquo Alana saidShe wanted to keep to the neutral conversa-
tional territory of ranching afraid that if thesilence went on too long Rafe might bring upthe recent past and Jackrsquos death Or even worsethe far past Rafersquos death and resurrection abureaucratic error that had cost Alana every-thing
ldquoIrsquoll bet Indian Seep is still flowingrdquo shesaid ldquoThe hay crop must have been goodrdquo
Rafe noddedAlanarsquos dark eyes cataloged every feature of
the landmdashthe texture of the soil in road cuts thepresence or absence of water in the ravines thesmoky lavender sheen of living growth on thesnarled sagebrush the signs of wildlife all theindicators that told an educated eye whether theland was being used or abused husbanded orsquandered
And in between when Alana thought Rafewouldnrsquot notice she watched his profile thesensuous sheen of his hair and lips the malelines of his nose and jaw Rafe was too powerfuland too hard to be called handsome He wascompellingmdasha man made for mountains a manof strength and endurance mystery and silenceand sudden laughter like a river curling lazilybeneath the sun
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 44
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 45
ldquoAm I so different from your memoriesrdquoasked Rafe quietly
Alana drew in her breath sharplyldquoNordquo she said ldquoBut there are times when I
canrsquot tell my memories of you from my dreamsSeeing you again close enough to touch alive rdquo
Alana looked away unable to meet Rafersquoseyes regretting her honesty and at the same timeknowing she had no choice She had enoughtrouble sorting out truth from nightmare Shedidnrsquot have the energy to keep track of lies too
When the truck rounded the shoulder of asmall ridge Alana leaned forward intently star-ing into the condensing twilight A long narrowvalley opened up before her A few evergreensgrew in the long low ridges where the landbegan to lift to the sky The ridges soon becamefoothills and then finally pinnacles clothed inice and distance
But it wasnrsquot the savage splendor of the peaksthat held Alanarsquos attention She had eyes only forthe valley It was empty of cattle
Alana sat back with an audible sigh of reliefldquoGood for you little brotherrdquo she murmuredldquoBobrsquos a good rancherrdquo said Rafe quietly
ldquoTherersquos not one inch of overgrazed land onBroken Mountainrsquos rangerdquo
ldquoI know I was just afraid thatmdashrdquo Alanarsquoshands moved describing vague fears ldquoThe beefmarket has been so bad and the price of feed isso high now and Bob has to pay Sam and DaveI was afraid Bob would gamble on the landbeing able to carry more cattle than it shouldrdquo
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 45
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
46 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
Rafe glanced sideways at Alana with thelightning intensity that she remembered fromher dreams
ldquoSince when do people on the West Coastnotice feed prices and the carrying capacity ofWyoming ranch landrdquo he asked
ldquoThey donrsquot I dordquo Alana made a wry faceldquoPeople in cities think beef grows betweenStyrofoam and plastic wrap like mushrooms inthe cracks of a logrdquo
Rafe laughed again softlyAlana watched him feeling the pull of his
laughter Above his pale collar sleek neck mus-cles moved
She felt again the moment of warmth at theairport the resilience of his muscles beneath herfingers before she had snatched back her armHe was strong It showed in his movements inhis laughter in the clean male lines of his faceHe was strong and she was not
Distantly Alana knew she should be terrifiedof that difference in their bodies Yet when Rafelaughed it was all she could do to keep herselffrom crawling over and huddling next to him asthough he were a fire burning in the midst of afreezing storm
The thought of being close to Rafe both fas-cinated and frightened Alana The fascinationshe understood Rafe was the only man she hadever loved She had no reason to fear him
Yet she didRafe was a man and she was terrified of
menThe fear baffled Alana At no time in her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 46
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 47
not even during the most vicious arguments withJack had she ever been afraid
Am I afraid of Rafe simply because hersquosstrong Alana asked herself silently
She turned the thought over in her mind test-ing it as she had tested so many things in theweeks since she had awakened in the hospitalsix days and a singing partner lost
It canrsquot be something as simple as physicalstrength that frightens me Alana decided Jackwas six foot five very thick in the shoulders andneck and legs He never used his strengththough or even seemed to notice it He did onlywhat was needed to get by and not one bit more
Jack had been born with a clear tenor voicethat he had accepted as casually as his size andhe disliked working with his voice almost asmuch as he had disliked physical labor
Alana had been the one who had insisted onrehearsing each song again and again searchingfor just the right combination of phrasing andharmony that would bring out the levels ofmeaning in the lyrics Jack had tolerated herldquofanaticismrdquo with the same easygoing indiffer-ence that he had tolerated crummy motels andbeing on the road three hundred and fifty-twonights a year
Then Jack lsquonrsquo Jilly had become successfulAfter that Jack would rehearse a new coun-
try or folk song only as long as it took him tolearn the words and melody Anything beyondthat was Jillyrsquos problem
A year ago Alana had left Jack and come toBroken Mountain Ranch to think about her life
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 47
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
48 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
and her sad sham of a marriage When word oftheir separation had leaked to the press recordand concert ticket sales had plummeted Theiragent had called Alana and quietly cynicallysuggested that she continue to present a happilymarried front to the world Fame was transientObscurity was forever
That same afternoon Bob had come backfrom a trip to the high country babbling aboutseeing Rafe Winter Alana had written the letterto Rafe seen Rafersquos rejection condensed into asingle harsh word Deceased
She had wept until she felt nothing at all and then she had gone back to LA to appear ashalf of Countryrsquos Perfect Couple
Until six weeks ago when Alana had toldJack that the sham was over Countryrsquos PerfectCouple was an act she couldnrsquot handle anymoreHe had pleaded with her to think again to take atrip with him to the high country she loved andthere they would work out something
ldquoDid you miss the ranchrdquo Rafe asked quiet-ly
Alana heard the question as though from agreat distance calling her out of a past that wasanother kind of nightmare waiting to drag herdown She reached for the question pulling iteagerly around her
ldquoI missed the ranch more than more thanI knewrdquo
And she had It had been like having her eyesput out She had hungered for the green and sil-ver shimmer of aspens but saw only dusty palmtrees She had searched for the primal blue of
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 48
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
FORGET ME NOT 49
alpine lakes set among the chiseled spires ofmountains older than man but found only con-crete freeways and the metallic flash of cars Shehad always looked for the intense green silencesof the wilderness forest but discovered onlytame squares of grass laid down amid hot stuccohouses
All that had saved Alana was singingWorking with a song Tasting it feeling it see-ing it grow and change as it became part of herand she of it
Jack had never understood that He had lovedonly the applause and worked just hard enoughto get it Alana loved the singing and wouldwork to exhaustion until she and the song wereone
ldquoIf you missed the ranch that much why didyou leave after Jack diedrdquo
Alana realized that she had heard the ques-tion before Rafe had asked it at least twice andshe hadnrsquot answered lost in her own thoughts
ldquoJack died thererdquo she whispered ldquoOnBroken Mountainrdquo
She looked to the right where the GreenRiver Mountains lifted seamed granite facestoward the evening sky High-flying cloudsburned silver above the peaks and over allarched an immense indigo bowl twilight chang-ing into night
ldquoYou must have unhappy memoriesrdquo saidRafe quietly
ldquoYes I suppose I mustrdquoAlana heard her own words heard their
ambiguity heard the fear tight in her voice She
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 49
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
50 ELIAZABETH LOWELL
looked up and saw that Rafe had been watchingher
But he turned away and said nothing askedno more questions
He simply drove her closer and closer to theramparts of snow and ice where Jack had diedand Jilly had lost her mind
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1232 PM Page 50
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
About the Author
Elizabeth Lowells many remarkable historicaland contemporary novels include New YorkTimes bestsellers Moving Target and the fouracclaimed books featuring the Donovan familyAmber Beach Jade Island Pearl Cove andMidnight in Ruby Bayou as well as Forget MeNot Only Love A Woman Without LiesAutumn Love Winter Fire Ms Lowell hasmore than 20 million books in print She lives inSeattle Washington with her husband withwhom she writes mystery novels under a pseu-donym She can be contacted at wwweliza-bethlowellcom
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 352
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
B O O K S B Y E L I Z A B E T H L O W E L L
Amber Beach
Autumn Lover
Beautiful Dreamer
Desert Rain
Eden Burning
Enchanted
Forbidden
Forget Me Not
Jade Island
Lover in the Rough
Midnight in Ruby Bayou
Moving Target
Only His
Only Love
Only Mine
Only You
Pearl Cove
Remember Summer
To the Ends of the Earth
Where the Heart Is
Winter Fire
A Woman Without Lies
Available as a PerfectBound e-book
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 353
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 354
HarperCollins Publishers to find out where to buythis and other PerfectBound e-books
Australiahttpwwwharpercollinscomau
Canadahttpwwwharpercanadacom
New Zealandhttpwwwharpercollinsconz
United Kingdomhttpwwwfireandwatercom
United Stateshttpwwwperfectboundcom
If you enjoyed reading this excerpt please visit
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355
This is a work of fiction Names characters places and inci-dents either are the products of the authorrsquos imagination or areused fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events localesorganizations or persons living or dead is entirely coinciden-tal and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher
FORGET ME NOT was previously published in an altered formby Silouette Books in 1984
Copyright copy 1984 by Ann Maxwell 1994 by Two of a KindInc All rights reserved under International and Pan-AmericanCopyright Conventions By payment of the required fees youhave been granted the non-exclusive non-transferable right toaccess and read the text of this e-book on-screen No part ofthis text may be reproduced transmitted down-loaded decom-piled reverse engineered or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system in any form or by anymeans whether electronic or mechanical now known or here-inafter invented without the express written permission ofPerfectBoundtrade
PerfectBound trade and the PerfectBoundtrade logo are trademarksof HarperCollins Publishers Inc
First Avon Books Printing December 1994
51478_Forget Me Not 41502 1233 PM Page 355